Date: Thu, 8 Sep 2011 00:32:52 -0400
From: Jesse Jesse <gmmac1987@hotmail.com>
Subject: Matthew, My Love Pt 4

	That next morning I awoke feeling happier than I'd felt in longer
than I could remember. Matthew smiled sheepishly as he crawled out of the
tent. "Morning love." I couldn't help but beam him as he passed. He stopped
long enough to place a tender kiss on my lips and then knelt down at the
river to wash. The rest of the day was relatively quite. We spent more time
lounging by the river, snuggling and enjoying each other, but as the day
went on, I noticed a definite change in Matthew, a change that worried
me. "Alex, you know we have to talk about this, right?" I snapped back to
reality at these words. No, this couldn't be happening. Not after last
night. He wasn't going to tell me something about it being a mistake, and
that it couldn't ever happen again! "You know I love you, right? And you
know that what we had last night, I don't want it to end, right?" Okay, so
this wasn't exactly what I had expected. "But are we prepared to face the
consequences of anyone finding out? I'm not so worried about myself as
you. Even though you've never told me, I've got a pretty good idea who
attacked you that day, and he won't be any easier to deal with, if he
find's out about us." I knew he was right, and that was what scared me. I
grabbed my pad and began writing, " so, what are we gonna do?" Matthew
sighed and pulled me closer. "I don't know. I do know that I'm not gonna
let that happen again. I've never had anyone love me the way you have. "

	The next few weeks were very stressful for both of us. We tried to
act as naturally as possible when at school, but I couldn't help but wonder
if perhaps people already knew something was different. Oh, there was
nothing that I could really put a finger on, but people just seemed to look
at both of us differently, suspiciously. Even my old friends from my
advanced classes seemed to draw away from me. Was there something that
obviously different about me? All I knew to do was to keep on acting as
though nothing had happened, so we continued our lives at school as though
nothing were different, and meeting together whenever we could. The answer
to my wondering came all too soon. While digging through my locker one
afternoon after Band class, one of my friend Kyle's questions grabbed my
undivided attention. "So, what's the deal with you and Matthew? I didn't
think you guys were that great of friends." I quickly began scratching
across my pad with another question in reply, "We've just been hanging out
lately. Since he WAS the one who found me that day and took me to the
hospital. We've just, sort of, hit it off. What's the big deal?" Kyle stood
staring at me, "the big deal is that Buddy's got it out for both of you!
He's been making all this trash talk about Matthew, saying he's associating
with people out of his own class and crap like that." I knew there was
more, and began pressing Kyle, " and me? What's he saying about me" Kyle
shifted from one foot to another, "he's been saying that you're too stupid
and gay to take up for yourself, that you hired a bodyguard or something
like that. I'm sorry, bro, about the `gay' stuff, but that's really what
he's saying." I tried not to show that this fazed me at all. Me getting
upset and scared was just what Buddy wanted, and if that meant causing
trouble between him and Matthew, then more-the-better. Kyle stood back in
horror, looking as though my writing pad was some sort of venomous viper,"
I've not go time to worry about that ass-hole of an oaf. If he had the
sense of a piece of shit, then he wouldn't try to draw so much attention to
himself," and feeling thoroughly satisfied with my shocking answer, I
marched off.

	When I met Matthew that evening in the parking lot, he was
livid. So he'd found out too. I had never seen him so emotional. "That
stupid, piece of shit, ass-hole, bastard! I am so frickin sick of his
shit!" He slung his bag onto the back of the truck so hard that we heard
something shatter. I tried to calm him down as we rode to his
house. "Matthew, you know this is what he's wanting. He's wanting to draw
you out. I'm just a brainiac nobody that no one would really give a second
though to. YOU'RE a star athlete with more to lose. A big fight with Buddy
mean's that you wouldn't be the `big dude on campus anymore," and in
Buddy's eyes, he would be." Matthew nodded in angry agreement at what I had
written, "You're right. A big controversy would be just what he'd like. You
know what Alex? I've been doing some thinking. I wanna tell our parents
about us." I practically fell into the floor of the truck in horror. Was he
out of his mind? Matthew realized what my reaction meant, "I'm not saying
we have to tell the world yet, but our parents are gonna find out sooner or
later anyways. I don't want them finding out the wrong way. I love you, and
to me, it's just that simple. Nothing else matters." I held onto the door
handle of the truck, know for sure I would pass out before we go home.

	To say that the news of our being together "didn't go over well"
would be the absolute biggest understatement of history. In all fairness
however, Matthew's parents were a little more accepting, finally announcing
that they didn't approve, but they wouldn't stop us. My parents, on the
other hand, completely freaked out. My mother sobbed, my dad yelled, and
then they switched roles. "After all we have done to raise you in a right,
moral way, you do this?!? You have brought a shame upon this household! I
can't believe, after all these years of raising you right, that you've
turned out to be a pervert!" The biggest blow of all came however when my
father brought a backpack full of clothes, "Until you can get your life
straitened out, you are no longer welcome in this house." Even my mother
faltered at this. "I think that may be going too far," but my father stood
his ground," No! It is not going too far. I will not have a damned pervert
under my roof!" So, leaving with every one of my earthly possessions that I
and Matthew could carry at one time, I left, sobbing and heartbroken. How
could my parents be so cruel? I knew they'd be disappointed, but throwing
me out? It was then that I made my mind up that I would no longer be
bullied and be treated cruelly. I made a personal vow to myself that, if I
could change the situation in any way, I WOULD NOT be treated like a
doormat anymore. So, still sobbing into Matthew's shoulder as we drove back
to his house, I started that very evening forming a plan.

	All things considered, Matthew's parents were very sympathetic,
allowing me to sleep in an extra bedroom and spend all the time with
Matthew that we wanted, "so long as there was nothing inappropriate going
on." I would've been lying to say that I wouldn't have rather slept with
Matthew in his room, but I tried to be a gracious guest and obey the
rules. As it turned out, the longer I stayed with Matthew's family, the
more accepting they became of us. My "brainiac abilities," as Matthew put
them, were helping him to bring his grades up so that he was no longer
struggling in classes that had been a problem for years. Matthew's dad took
us out hunting almost every weekend, during every local open season. He was
and avid hunter, and as it turned out, an even more avid collector of
guns. One of his most prized possessions was his "Smith and Wesson," tiny
revolver recommended for women as a concealed-to-carry. "I bought this for
Nadine years ago, but she doesn't carry it much." In ways, my life had
taken a turn for the better, instead of worse. We spent time every evening
watching some kind of movie or playing board games. Matthew's parents were
amazed when I told them that my own home life had been nothing like
theirs. Matthew's dad even began talking to me about looking into surgery
again for my voice box. "Can't hurt to just see if there's someone out
there who can help." So it was that my life, in many ways, started fresh
and anew, each morning the four of us having breakfast together and
discussing the day's events before we all four rushed off to school and
work. I never allowed my intentions to show to Matthew or his family, but I
was very attentive in watching their actions and listening to their
words. Always in the back of my mind was my plan regarding Buddy and my
parents. I would be damned if I saw them treat Matthew or myself cruelly
anymore, and my plans were about to have a chance to be put to the test.