Date: August 9, 1999
Title: Miss You Love Part 3
From: Gia <posthuman213@hotmail.com>

WARNING:
THIS STORY DEPICTS SEXUAL ACTIVITY BETWEEN UNDERAGE BOYS, ADULT
LANGUAGE AND STRONGLY HOMOSEXUAL CONTENT. THIS MAY OFFEND SOME
VIEWERS, IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS
STORY. IF YOU READ THIS STORY ANWAY THEN YOU ARE DOING SO AT YOUR
OWN RISK AND SHOULD SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP QUICKLY. ALSO, I'M
SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE IN YOUR AREA, THAT YOU
SHOULDN'T BE READING THIS, BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
ANYWAY SO, IF YOU GET CAUGHT IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I ALSO HAVE TO
WARN YOU ALL THAT THIS MAY CONTAIN "FOUL LANGUAGUE".

Dear Reader: This story is very vaugely
based off of my personal experiences growing up, names, dates,
places, etc. have been changed to protect the heterosexual. This
story is not your normal boy meets boy love story, its more real
than that, so be prepared for any thing. Neither character are
based off of anyone real. Erik is like my alter ego. He is me
mentally, and physically he is what I wished I looked like. Jakob
is all the good parts of my ex-boyfriends, when none of the bad
parts. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the
people that helped make this possible, so shout outs go to Sean,
Justin (hey babe), Matty, Steven, Joe, Ed, Steph, Will, Richie,
Scott, and anyone I forgot. I would also like to thank everyone
at #GayTeenBoyz on dalnet, you guys are great! and I would like
to thank Timmy (if your reading this, I LOVE YOU) for your
inspiration. You were my friend, my companion, and my lover. Now
on with the story!

			       Miss You Love

Part 3 School as Usual??

The droning beep of Erik's alarm clock awoke him from a deep
sleep. The red digital lights read 6:30. Erik slowly crawled out
of bed and stumbled into the shower. The water was hot and felt
good on his naked flesh. He stood in the spray of the shower head
letting the water run down his tanned back and down off the
cheeks of his ass. After a few minutes, his flesh was warmed, so
he began to soap himself up. His soft hands slid over his wet
skin coating it with soap bubbles. Once he was clean, Erik
reached one slender arm out of the shower into the steam that
filled the bathroom and fumbled for a towel. He quickly dried
himself off and put on a clean pair of boxers. He looked at
himself in the mirror and smiled. He was happy with himself, the
first time he had had that feeling in a long time. He brushed his
healthy black hair out and left it down. Erik went to his armoire
and was disgusted to find most of his clothes where black.
"I don't want to wear black today," he told himself.
After rummaging through the very few non-black clothes he had, he
decided to wear a pair of blue Boss pants and a white mesh jersey
with the Korn logo on the back. His tanned skin was easily seen
through the mesh jersey, the faint shape of his chest could also
be seen. Erik grabbed his book bag and skateboard while heading
for his door. Down the stairs his Airwalk clad feet made the same
trail that they always did, but something was different this
time, there was an air of happiness that had not been there
before. 

"Bye Mom," he said and kissed her on his way out,
leaving her behind with her jaw hanging open.

Erik rode to school barely aware of his surroundings. All his
could think about was Jakob. Cypress Hills past by him in a blur
until he was standing in front of the highschool. He smiled this
time as he began making his way through the ocean of people. Lost
in thought, he didn't notice anyone or anything around him. He
followed the same routine he always did, first locker then
English. Once inside the his class room, Mr. Trefoils immediately
noticed something different about him.

"Your not wearing black today," Mr. Trefoils asked
jokingly ," who died?"

Erik just laughed and shrugged it off. He sat down in his
normal seat and began to monitor the heavy steal door awaiting
Jakob's arrival. To his dismay, Jakob never walked through the
door. After 15 minutes, he began to loose faith in his new dream.
When class started at 8:45 Jakob was still no where to be found,
so Erik pulled out a magazine and was soon off in his own fantasy
world. When the bell sounded releasing Erik from English, his
entire spirit had been crushed. Jakob hadn't showed up at all.
Erik went through the rest of his day in a stupor. When lunch
time finally came, Erik fought his way to the park and chained
smoked cigarette after cigarette, watching the flame burn down
the paper to the filter, lighting the next one with the one he
was still smoking, and repeating the cycle. He was alone with his
thoughts sitting under a shady oak tree while watching all the
boy-girl couples walk around holding hands.

"Why can't I do that," he asked himself silently.
The more he watched those happy couples holding each other and
smiling, the angrier he got. "What did I do to deserve being
so lonely?"," he inwardly screamed to his own self
consciences. When the school bell let out its monotonous sound,
and the mindless herds of students began to move back toward the
class rooms, Erik was too upset to go back to school. So with his
board in his hand, he left the park and headed toward the 1/2
pipe across town. He knew that no one would be there cause all
the teens were in school. The trip was across town included
walking through the down town district were the tall office
buildings reached toward the sun, but failed to reach it. He
walked quietly through town, not talking to anyone or stopping at
all. His trip uneventful, and Erik only had to dodge cops once.
Once there, he walked underneath the tall elms and looked up at
the light fighting to get through the branches. The trees covered
the ground beneath in shadow. Erik felt like one of those rays of
light, fighting to through the branches. He quickly dropped his
bag, lit a cigarette and started skating. Skating was all he
concentrated on, it was his release from the world when he
couldn't get to his computer. For the rest of the afternoon all
he thought about where slides and grinds, kick flips and grabs.
Half way through, the heat was beginning to get to him, so he
took his shirt off, stowed it in his bag, and went back to
skating. When he finally came back to reality, sweat covered his
tan chest and back, dripped of his forehead down his nose and
into his eyes. With his sight still blurred, he looked around to
notice, he had amassed quite the crowd of on-lookers. Erik
quickly wiped the sweat from his eyes and put his shirt back on.
The crowd didn't matter to him, there could have been a million
people watching his stunts and he still wouldn't have cared if
Jakob was there. After smoking another cigarette, Erik picked up
his bag and began to slowly skate home.

Cypress Hills looked like it had before, the sight of it
sickened him. It was still the headquarters of conformity,
nothing had changed. When Erik finally got back to his house, he
found another note on the fridge for him. It read:

Erik,

Your father called, hes gonna be home tonight instead of
Friday. I went shopping for something special for dinner tonight.
Stay off that computer until your homework is done, and be sure
you eat.

Love

Mom

The only part of the note that Erik obeyed was food. He was
starving. He began to search the cabinets until he found what he
was looking for: OREOS!! With the bag in one hand and a Pepsi in
the other, Erik quickly ran upstairs and changed out of the
smelly clothes he had been skating in. The blue jeans slid
effortlessly off his hips when the top button was undone. His
legs ached from skating, and what little hair was one them was
clung together in matted clumps from sweat. He then pulled his
shirt off and threw it over close to the dirty clothes pile. In
just his boxers, Erik looked himself over in the full-body mirror
on his door. He was confused.

"I'm not ugly," he told himself. "I get
complements all the time from girls, but why do I feel this
way?"

A feeling of worthlessness began to wash over him, destroying
his self confidence. The more he looked at himself in the mirror,
the more alone he felt. He took one last look in the mirror. 

"I'm going to be alone for ever," he told himself,
and got dressed in a pair of black Nike break away work out pants
and a black tee shirt and turned toward his stereo. While
rummaging through his CDs, he decided that he was not in the mood
for anything loud, and grabbed a Tori Amos CD. Soon the room was
filled with the sounds of a piano and Tori's angelic voice
singing "Years go by, will I still be waiting
for somebody else to understand years go by will if I'm stripped
off my beauty and the orange clouds raining in my head years go
by will I choke on my tears till finally there is nothing left
one more casualty we're to easy easy easy."  The
music soothed him enough to get on-line and bleed his heart out
there. His on-line buddies were there. They were the only
constant thing in his life. No matter what else was happening in
real life, the guys in #gayteenboyz were always there to listen
to him and help him out. When he was with them he felt loved,
truly loved for who he is. The guys in the chat room told him to
calm down and not jump to conclusions. They explained that their
might be a logical reason for Jakob not calling and not showing
up at school. After about an hour of talking with them, Erik had
cooled down, and when his mother honked for his help, he was able
to be around people again. He thanked his friends, logged off and
ran down the stairs to help his mom.

After carting in several bags of groceries, Erik ran back
upstairs to his computer. He was barely on-line for more than a
minute when the phone rang.

"brb phone's ringing", he typed to his friends before running to get the
phone by his bed.

"Hello," he asked into the phone.

"Is Erik there," an unfamiliar voice asked.

"This is him, wassup?"

"Not much dude, this is Jakob."

"Ohh! Hang on a second man, I gotta turn the music
down."

Erik ran to his stereo and turned it down to a whisper, then
ran over to his keyboard.

"BBL ITS HIM!" he quickly typed and then logged off.

"Hey Jakob, you still there," Erik asked not sure if
Jakob would still be on the line or not.

"Yeah, I'm here," Jakob responded," How was
school today?"

"The first half really sucked," Erik answered,
"I wouldn't know about after lunch, I split."

"I know, I saw you at the 1/2 pipe today. You kicked
ass."

"Really, I didn't see you?" Erik asked puzzled.

"I went there to skate, but when I saw you and that
crowd, I just kinda stayed to the back and watched."

"Why weren't you in school?"

"Mom made me stay home to help finishing unpacking. She
said that if I didn't unpack I she was gonna break my
guitar."

"Damn, thats harsh. Was she serious?"

"No I don't think so, but I wasn't risking it."

"Yeah good idea," Erik said as he stretched out on
his bed listening to Jakob's voice.

The two of them talked for an hour about nothing in
particular, just talked the way teen guys do. Their conversation
was interrupted by a knock on Erik's door.

"Hang on dude," he told Jakob.

"What?", Erik asked through the door, never moving
from the bed.

"Honey," his mom answered," You need to get off
the phone and get ready for dinner, your father will be home
soon."

"Okay mom."

"Jakob, I gotta go eat and pacify my dad," Erik told
him apologetically," can you call me back later?"

"Yeah sure," Jakob said. "I need to eat
too."

After hanging up with Jakob, Erik slipped into a clean pair of
black jeans and a black button up shirt. He walked into the bath
room and turned the hot water in the sink on, and let it run. He
stared at himself in the mirror again and tried to analyze what
he saw. He noticed that his teeth were straight and white, even
though he smoked. His eye lashes were long and full, almost
feminine in a way. His ears didn't stick out and both eye brows
were separate. "Not a bad face," he thought to himself
,"so why doesn't Jakob seem interested?" Without
answering his own question, he brushed his teeth and hair and
then went down to wait for his dad.

Erik's mother was waiting for him in the den. She was wearing
a long dark blue dress, that Erik hadn't seen her wear in a very
long time.

"Why are you dressed up for," Erik asked his mother,
trying to fake interest.

"For your father dear," his mother answered,
"he likes to see me dressed up."

His mom crossed her legs and sat up straight in the antique
satin chair, and reached for her cigarette pack. She pulled one
out and placed it her mouth, then pulled another one out and
threw it to Erik. Erik sat there looking at the cigarette on his
lap. "This is a trap," he thought to himself as he eyed
the cigarette.

"We'll discuss it later, just don't let your father know
until I get a chance to talk to him about it, okay?", his
mother told him using that tone of voice she used when she
realized that Erik was old enough to do something he wasn't
allowed to before.

Erik nodded and picked up the cigarette. His hands shook
slightly, not sure if his mother was setting him up or not.

"Have you got a light Mom?", he asked. The words
seemed so strange, so awkward.

She tossed him a lighter, he light his cigarette and slid over
toward her, so he could use the ash tray. As the two of them sat
smoking, neither one said anything. Erik felt strange about
smoking in front of him mom. His mom watched him and remembered
back to the days when her little boy was a little boy. She smiled
inwardly recalling his first day of school, his first bike ride,
his Kindergarten graduation. As she watched him smoking she
realized that her little boy was gone, and in his place was this
teen almost a man. Her eyes began to water, she tried to fight
them, but the tears would not be held back. She got up, ruffled
her sons hair a little bit and walked into the kitchen.

Erik sat there, still smoking, not sure what just happened, or
the consequences there of, but he thought it was a good thing.
After he finished his cigarette, he got up from the couch and
walked into the kitchen were his mom was putting the final
preparations on dinner.

"Whens Dad going to be here?", he asked.

"In about 5 minutes, can you set the table?", she
replied, "And use the good china."

Erik got the good china out of the oak china hutch and set 3
places. Next he added the silverware and glasses. Then, he helped
his mother bring out the dinner. The table was loaded down with
food. His mother had cooked a ham, and there was mashed potatoes,
and gravy, corn on the cob, candied yams, soft warm sweet rolls
and home made apple pie for desert. The smell of the food filled
the house, and for a second the place was actually a home. Erik
savored it while he could.

When his dad finally showed up, Erik and his mother were
glowing with pride from the work they had done, his father didn't
even notice. He kissed Erik and his wife on the cheek, set his
brief case down and sat down at the table. Erik could feel the
cold emotionlessness that oozed off his father as if it were a
tangible thing. Every fiber in Erik's young body told him to run,
run as far and as fast as he could. But he ignored his body and
sat down, his mother followed. The three of them sat and ate,
with out speaking too each other. After dinner, his dad got up
and went into the den to watch TV, while Erik and his mom cleaned
up and did the dishes. While they worked, Erik thought back on
his early childhood. His dad had never been abusive, at least not
physically, but he had always been cold. and empty inside. When
he was younger, Erik had tried to be "daddy's little
man", he tried to warm that stone cold heart his father had,
but to no avail. About the time puberty started, Erik gave up on
his father. When his dad learned that Erik was gay, the cold
became anger, the only emotion he ever saw his father express.
That night, and ever since, there had been abuse. Not the kind
that bruises and breaks, then heals and can be forgotten, but the
kind that hurt Erik's emotions creating scars that would never
heal. It was that night that Erik vowed never to love his father,
and from that night on, he hadn't.

After they had finished cleaning, Erik went back to his room,
changed into comfortable clothes, put some louder music on the CD
player and began chatting with his friends waiting for the phone
to ring. The sound of Tom Morello's guitar and Zack de la Rocha
screaming "Fuck you! I won't do what you tell
me!" always seemed to relax him and make him
feel better about his family life. Just as he was beginning to
get into the conversation he was having on the inter net, the
phone rang, startling him enough to visibly jump. Erik ran to
answer the phone before his dad did.

"Hello," he asked into the phone.

"Erik?", Jakob's sweet voice answered.

"Yeah Jakob its me," he replied, "wassup?"

The two of them talked together like they had been friends all
their lives. As the conversation progressed, it seems that the
two of them had many similar interests. When Erik looked up at
the clock its was a quarter to 2 in the morning!

"Dude, I've gotta go," Erik said regretfully,"
we got school in the morning."

"Yeah, your right, "Jakob said," one more thing
though. Where in the Hills do you live? Maybe you can come over
on Friday and spend the night or something?"

Erik's heart stopped. Was his dream coming true? Was Jakob
interested in him?? The two of them swapped address and decided
that Erik was going to go to Jakob's on Friday for a sleep over.
Then they hung up and went to bed. Erik's night again was
sleepless, with thoughts of Jakob constantly pounding his brain.
Even though Friday was 3 days away, Erik was already trying to
decided what was his sexiest outfit, what would he bring, and
what to expect from all this. Finally around 3 he slowly drifted
off to sleep and dreamed of Jakob. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Thats it for this time, Miss You Love Part 4: Not
Even Egg Shells Are This Fragile will be out soon.
How will Erik's parents take him spending the night with Jakob?
What will happen at the sleep over? If you wanna know, you gotta
read the next segment :) GIA

ME

"I hear you talk about your family life 

I wish I knew just what that means 

I guess my mother never loved my dad 

And now I wear it on my sleeve 

My sister called me just the other day 

It felt so good to hear her voice 

My problem is I don't have much to say 

I guess she doesn't have a choice 

And I'm sorry

Look at me 

I'm so pathetic 

Can't Believe 

I'm just an addict

I never needed anyone to help me I begging you 

To please come save me from myself 

Save me from myself

My mother's always tried to change herself 

She never learned to let things be 

She doesn't know how bad that fucked me up 

Cause now she seems so fake to me 

But I Love Her 

You push me but I won't fall 

I've been programmed to take it all 

And shove it way down inside 

Like my father 

I'm so pathetic

Can't believe 

I'm just an addict 

I try to be

I'm failing at it 

Life to me 

Is just a habit 

I hear you talk about your family life

I wish I knew just what that means"

  STAIND