Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 14:10:50 PDT
From: da Beagle <dabeagleywing@hotmail.com>
Subject: MOving is hard 10

Authors note: Special thanks to Super Dave for proofing this installment, I
hope you like it.

What happened next is hard to tell. Some thought it was heaven, others
thought it was hell. Either way it all happened so fast that details are
hard to remember, and they get fuzzier with every passing moment.
	To say the introduction with Jake was an anti-climax would be to put it
kindly. My father passed out completely. From there things went like a
whirlwind. Within a matter of seconds Jake had moved to me and with a brief
touch of his hand to my forehead gave me all I needed to know. Julius was
dead, and the demon weak. However he was still dangerous, and wanted Kyle
for some reason even he didn't seem to understand. I was ready to panic,
what were we supposed to do with out Julius?
	But at least Jake had a plan. Now all I had to do was have the balls to
carry it out.

	Amonon concentrated in his hiding spot. This host would not survive a
physical confrontation, and Amonon had become so weak from the battle that
he was not sure how long he could animate this host. He needed the son!
Wait, noises on the steps. One person. He watched from his vantage point and
saw a youth pass in front of him to the hole in the wall, and then enter. A
gasp of fright! Good, he was already uneasy, must've seen the old bastard.
	It was time.

	I tried, I swear I did. But I couldn't help but be moved by Julius. He was
most certainly dead, and it was too awful- just too much. For now that
memory is clear, while other things have faded.
	I felt a tingling on the back of my head, and Jake's plea in my ear. This
was impossible! I should run! But I can't. For as long as I could remember I
had been sad and frustrated, never feeling able to fully confide in anyone.
Even now that my dad knew I couldn't tell him about all the things that went
through my mind like a highballing freight train. And Jake had accepted me,
so I had to help a friend. Right? Even if he was dead. Right? But he had
accepted me, sooo...
	More than the lust that I felt so often, even after release in private, was
the lingering ache. That ache was loneliness, and I was overwhelmed with it.
Even Kyle couldn't know everything I thought. I mean, he knew I was
attracted, but did he really know what I wanted to do to him? Or to have
done to me? And would he then freak if he knew? And could I bear it if he
did? No, I don't think so. I was so alone at this moment that I could
disappear forever and I don't think it would have bothered me all that much.
	My mind churned restlessly, the all dominating sense of doom and loneliness
reigned supreme with its courtiers self pity and depression growing larger
by the moment. All at once it was too much and I sat down heavily. All I
could think of was the time alone that I had experienced. The phone calls
never received, the girl I had dated for a semblance of normalcy, and my
shock when we broke up. I guess it would have helped if I had shown actual
interest in her after asking her out, but what could I do about that now?
Nothing, and the worst part was if I ever asked another girl out it would
end the same way, because I was just different.
	I was really prepared to do this now. At least Jake would live again, have
his chance in the sun, maybe be the all American son my parents must be
thirsting for and not me. It would not be too hard, and I think it would
work out. And I am sure Jake would look after Kyle for me, after all they
are related, right?
	So I stood & turned to face the noise that had been steadily creeping up on
me and gazed into the face of Hubert. He was not much more than an animated
corpse, pallid skin hanging from his bones with no more suppleness than
oatmeal. His eyes seemed to be glazed over white, like extreme cataracts. He
smiled, and so did I. I could now accomplish something in my life, I could
use my torment for some good, my curse to route death itself.
	Was I crazy? I mean I really have to wonder. Is this real, a fantasy where
the noble hero dies for the cause? Or was I standing next to an open window
in an asylum while the staff frantically raced toward the sick boy before he
jumped out? I didn't know, and that was perhaps the loneliest, scariest
thing of all.
	The fight wasn't really much. I had visions of my own flyblown corpse
impaled by a spike, head nodding in the wind. I saw my parents rejecting me,
and embracing Jake. I saw Kyle slowly turn his bloodied face from me and
walk away as though he couldn't hear my desperate pleas. All this continued
to fill the void that was in my mind until my anguish could no longer be
contained.
	Every lonely moment burst forth, all the afternoons after school that I
spent by myself, every time I was chosen last, every time a cruel joke or
attack was made upon me. Things I hadn't even realized I was still holding
on to came forth, from the large to the small, everything that ever made me
feel weak, small and inadequate.
	And everything seemed to hit Hubert like a physical blow. The time I was
teased about being sun darkened and asked if I was black? From Africa,
maybe? Yeah, his lips are big enough.
	The time I was called by a girl and invited out, only to be stood up. The
time I really thought I was in love and had my heart broken when 'he' dated
'her'.
	And then the granddaddy of them all, my worst nightmare. This too is so
clear cause it hurt so badly. I was in math class, second period. I was down
already after staying up half the night reading this new story called "New
Kid in School" by comicality, and I always feel kinda down when a good story
is over, or you have to wait till next week to see what happens, just seem
to get depressed like I won't see some good friends for a little while, you
know?
	Then I notice some giggling, and I am wondering what the joke is and hoping
it's not me. Then I realized it was me.
	"Beat off much?"
	""Were you hopin' to get caught, fagboy?"
	"Lucky you didn't get your ass kicked, queer."
	Someone had started a rumor that I got caught jacking off in the bathroom.
I looked around and it seemed to be coming from everywhere, and going to
other classes didn't help any. I was a pariah. Some girl then actually
pushed me from behind on the stairs and I had the added stigma of having
been beat up by a girl, Just some more ammunition for the crowds that were
eerily like the 'Lord of the Flies' now, showing their savagery towards one
who was weakened by the weight of their stares and slings of their comments.
	Hubert reeled from me, and I suddenly felt as though this was something I
could win. Suddenly it didn't matter if this was all in my head, I was
helping a friend. Knowing that I had it on the ropes, I pictured the crypt
as it was, and then pictured Kyle rushing to my aid, and I did it in my own
way. I saw him as I had that first day, glistening, smiling, and with me.
The temptation and promise of salvation was too much.
	Abruptly my vision ended and the demon rushed from Hubert for the youthful
energy of Kyle that it needed so badly. Hubert's body crumpled as his
systems gave out en masse. But the demon had been beaten at it's own game,
as the figure it rushed for was Jake.
	The two entities met like day and night, matter and anti-matter, yin and
yang. The effect was....brilliant. Every color and hue in all their subtle
glories were represented, and time seemed to slow. Light seemed to radiate
from the walls themselves as the demon was consumed into the life giving
fire that occupied the space where Jake had stood only a moment before.
	As the corona began to subside, a new vision gradually replaced reality. I
saw Jake, and next to him it seemed to be another youth. I t seemed to be
Julius, but very young. And behind them was Hubert, also much younger, and
with out the murder shining from his eyes.
	Hubert smiled and faded away into nothingness while Jake and Julius seemed
to glow even brighter.
	"You did it." Their voices rang out in my mind, for their mouths didn't
move, and they then told me.....something important, I think. Something I
was supposed to remember, but...It all seems to be fading from the most
recent memory going backward in time, like the more recent the memory the
less I can recall it.
	I think in a few hours I will have forgotten the whole thing, even now I
can't picture Kyle. He is getting fuzzy in my mind, even though he is,
was...important.
All I can really recall is the emotions now, and even they are fading.
Things just seem to be sliding away, getting more and more distant with each
passing moment. Colors are fading and I think....I think I'm going
...to...pass...

How did I get in bed so early? The sun is still out. I glanced about my room
and the boxed suddenly jogged my memory.
Christ, my mom is moving to Boston and my dad is going to drag me off to
butt hole, Nevada where I am just certain things will be great, I wonder if
it's anything like Wyoming? Maybe a gay bashing mob will kill me too. Man, I
wonder if things will ever get better?
	I have to go and say goodbye to Chris in the morning, and he will never
know how much I really valued his friendship. And how much I wanted him. I
promised to write him, but I know myself, so we'll see just how long that
lasts. Just one more in a long line I can't have, but he always stuck by me,
so I have to do my best.
	I hope a new beginning awaits me in Nevada. I have this feeling, kinda
funny, but I feel kinda like I've been there before. Deja vu I guess. And I
think maybe it'll be ok, cause Kyle is there. Huh? Where did that come from?
In the meantime there is a new chapter of 'new kid' to read. I wonder what
Randy would do? I think he would be hopeful, maybe everything will be ok.
Maybe I can finally fall in love and be accepted for who and what I am.
Maybe the frustration will end.
Or maybe, just maybe I'll meet someone like me?

To Be Continued?