Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 17:12:32 PST
From: Joseph Thoreau <jdthoreau@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Hero - Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER
**********

This story contains sexual acts between teenage boys. If this is not to 
your liking, then leave. Simple. If you are UNDER the age of consent for 
state / country / planet and all laws effective there, please leave now. 
Of course, I'm underage and I wrote it, so that's pretty odd, don't you 
think? Actually, as of today, I'm not. I guess I'll have to get a new 
disclaimer!

I wrote this story. I would be very appreciative if it wasn't changed in 
any way. You may post it to newsgroups, give it to friends, use it to 
line a birdcage, as long as I am accredited as the author and you do not 
charge for doing so. Thanks. 

The story is an odd mix of fact and fiction, inasmuch as I exist, the 
people in this story exist (names have been changed), but these events 
have not taken place outside my hormone charged imagination. This is not 
a story about sex. It is a love story with sexual elements in it. The 
sex takes a while to get to, so be patient. If you are just looking for 
something to jerk off to, you should probably move on.

If you like this story, mail me at JDThoreau@hotmail.com. If you don't
like it, mail me anyway and tell me what's wrong with it. Praise will be 
appreciated, flames will be ignored. Enjoy!


To Matt-For both the inspiration for this story and his constant support 
throughout the development of it. Thanks, bro. I love you. 


	We laid there for a few minutes longer, thinking about what had
happened. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I wanted to
say something, but there was nothing that I could say to do justice to what
I was feeling. After an even longer bout of silence, he sat up. "You're
right. We should go."
	We both got up from the living room floor. I recalled that his
clothes from earlier were still in the hamper, so I went to go get them. I
returned to the living room and asked, "Ready to go?"
	He nodded and we left. The car ride was eerily silent. About two
blocks from his house, he finally said, "You know, I really don't want to
go home."
	I was glad he said that. "Me neither, want to go somewhere and talk
some more?"
	He sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
	There weren't many places to go this time of night, but I had a
spot that I liked. Close to our high school was a little wooded area. It
had some jogging trails and other camping areas. Sometimes, I'd go there
and just meditate. It was a great place to think about things, and we
needed to do just that. I drove through some back roads and found a place
to park. It was an idyllic place. There was a full moon, so you had a nice
view of the trees. There weren't many electric lights around, so you could
see the stars. Most importantly, it was secluded. That's why I loved it so
much.
	I parked the car and we just sat there. I know it must seem odd
after what we had shared, but we just couldn't seem to broach the
subject. We sat in the car for at least 5 minutes, listening to the heater
hum. Finally, he said, "Jeff?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Just making sure you were still there."
	I didn't know what to say. To tell the truth, I was scared. I had
never felt this way before. I was falling in love. It was so frightening.
What if he didn't feel the same way? When you love, you become vulnerable.
How could I dare to let someone get that close? I had spent my whole life
trying to make sure I would never be hurt. I couldn't face his rejection. I
stared out of the windshield, surveying the landscape. How could I say it?
Do I just look over at him and say, "Kevin, I love you?" He would laugh in
my face. He was so wonderful, I didn't deserve to be loved by someone like
him. But, oh, how I wanted to. He was so beautiful. His mind, his heart,
his body. He was angelic. I just didn't deserve him. I couldn't tell him
how I felt.
	He asked, "What are you thinking about?"
	"Nothing." I let a moment pass. "How about you?"
	"A whole lot."
	It was like standing at the edge of a cliff. What could I do? I
finally knew how Prufrock had felt. I was such a coward. He scooted over in
his seat and placed his arm around me. It was the first time he had ever
done that to me. Somehow, I think he knew that I was upset. I let myself be
held by him. My breathing became ragged and I started to cry softly. He
spoke, his voice full of concern. "Jeff, what's wrong?"
	I could hear my voice break. "Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. I don't know
what's wrong with me. I'm just..."
	"What?"
	The words just wouldn't come. "I don't know. There's just so much.
So much I want to say."
	"Jeff, you have helped me through so much. Please, let me help you.
Tell me what's the matter."
	Oh, he was so understanding, so kind. I was able to let what I felt
pour out. Never before had I told anyone this, not even Mrs. Estes. Yet,
here I was, spilling my innermost thoughts and feelings, telling someone
about my deepest fears and longings.
	"I just...I just...I feel so small, sometimes, you know? So alone,
so empty. I just get scared. I feel so unworthy sometimes. I try so hard,
but I lie awake at night, listening to my heart beat, and it seems so
hollow. It's like a void in my stomach, so cold. I want so much. Oh!" I
yelled in frustration. "This must sound so stupid!"
	"No! No! It doesn't sound stupid at all! I understand exactly how
you feel, Jeff. I feel the same way sometimes."
	"You do?"
	"Of course."
	I continued. "I just feel so small. So alone. But you don't make me
feel like that. It's like when I'm with you, I feel like I'm a good person.
You make me feel so good. I like being with you, but I don't understand how
you could like being around me."
	His grip around me tightened. "Jeff! Don't you ever say that! Do
you hear me? Ever!"
	His anger shocked me. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
	"Listen to me!" His voice softened. "Jeff, listen to me. Don't ever
talk about yourself that way. I care about you so much...I...care about
you, you know? I mean it. You're so wonderful. You say that you don't
understand how I could want to be around you? For God's sake, Jeff! I'm
in...I love you!"
	I just stopped. That's the easiest way I can describe it. My lungs
refused to work, my heart skipped a beat. I felt like there was iced water
running through my veins. The car seemed to be getting smaller. I
disengaged myself from his arms and threw the door open, running out into
the cold night.
	I stopped at the edge of the clearing, right by the forest line,
and dropped to my knees on a cement area used for picnics. The shock of the
chilly air hitting my face had given me a jump start. I clutched my chest
and was grateful to be able to breathe again. From somewhere far away, I
heard someone yelling my name.
	The first thing I can remember feeling is someone's arms wrapping
around me. Kevin fell to his knees and hugged me. "Jeff! What's the matter?
Are you all right?"
	I nodded and tried to talk. My breathing was very rapid and I
couldn't form the words properly. I remember mumbling his name a few times.
He shushed me. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't try to talk." I heard agony
creep into his voice. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
	I was scared out of my mind, but my concern for his feelings
outweighed it. First, I had been scared that he didn't love me. Now that I
knew he did, that was a whole new frontier of fear. Once again, I was torn.
It seemed so right, but if I was to tell him, that would have made me
vulnerable. For the first time in my life, I would be letting someone in.
They would be able to know my innermost self, then judge me. It was so very
frightening, but I couldn't allow him to go on not knowing. He had to know
the truth. He deserved that much.
	"No, Kevin. No. It's okay. I...I love you, too. I love you, too."
	He had his arms around me, and I wrapped mine around him,
completing the embrace. Everything seemed so perfect. I fell backwards on
the concrete and took him with me. I started to cry and he quickly joined
me. The only sounds that could be heard were the faint chirp of nosy
crickets and the soft sounds of two young people in love, crying and trying
to comfort each other.
	When my tears stopped, I felt brand new. It was as if I had been
renewed, forged in a baptismal fire. I felt pure, clean. I held my new love
in my arms and nuzzled his cheek with my nose. He giggled. "Your nose is
cold!"
	I giggled too, and pulled him closer. "Sorry. You think we should
go back to the car now?"
	"I guess so."
	He stood up and stared down at me. I didn't move. "You coming?"
	I closed my eyes and mumbled, "Unh-uh."
	"Why not?"
	I cracked one eye opened. "Don't want to."
	"Why not?"
	I held my arms towards him. "Help me up."
	He took my hands in his and I pulled him back down on top of me. I
smiled. "On second thought, I'm not going anywhere."
	How I enjoyed the feel of his body against mine! It was just so
perfect! We were lined up almost identically. His face was poised over
mine, and I put my hands on his head. I could smell his sweet, warm breath
and I watched as the air from both our lungs mingled to form a small cloud
of steam between us. I ran my fingers through his long blond hair. It was
so silky. He looked down at me and smiled. He looked perfect. He murmured,
"I love you."
	I was barely able to declare my own love for him before he closed
the distance and our lips met once again. Before, it had been great,
exciting. Now that we knew how each other felt, it was beyond anything.
That kiss said so much more than I ever could. Our bodies joined, but we
were sharing something far more important.
	In retrospect, I think that sometimes life has certain turning
points. Times that make it seem like the rest of your life was just a
prelude to that moment. Suddenly, your life has changed somehow, like the
turning of a page. You can make the distinction. There was your life before
this moment, and your life after this moment. Kevin and I had shared just
such a moment, and I knew that nothing could ever be the same. We were in
love. It was a fact. No longer were we just two people. We became joined
that night, melded in a bond that I hope everyone can one day be lucky
enough to experience. After that one simple kiss to establish it,
everything had changed. And oh, how it had changed for the better. We now
knew what it was to love.
	The car had been idling for at least 15 minutes, and I knew we
should go. I could have died there on that spot, in Kevin's arms, and died
happy. But since we had the choice, I thought it best to go.
	I stood up and took his hand, pulled him towards me. We walked
towards the car together, me hating the fact that I had to let him go to
get inside. Once we were safely in place, I put the car in gear. During the
car ride, we were once again silent, but it wasn't like before. The silence
we had shared on the way to the park had been uneasy, as we drove away, it
was very comfortable. Neither of us needed to say anything. We had already
said all we needed to say. It didn't take long to get to his house. When I
pulled in front of it, I looked at my watch. It had just turned 10:15. I
looked over at him and smiled. He did the same. I saw so much love in his
eyes, he was so beautiful. I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "I love
you, Kevin."
	"I love you too, Jeff."
	"See you tomorrow, then?"
	He nodded. "I'll miss you."
	I laughed. "It won't be long. Dream of me, okay?"
	He laughed, too. "Okay, okay." He took my hand and gave it a final
squeeze. He grabbed his workout clothes, stepped out into the cold night
and went inside. I drove home to find my parents had returned. I walked
inside and smiled at both of them. They must have wondered what I was so
happy about. I went to bed quickly. I don't know if Kevin dreamed of me
that night, but I certainly dreamed of him. It was one of the best nights I
had ever had, and oddly enough, I spent it alone.