Date: Fri, 4 Aug 2006 07:07:00 -0400
From: Nick <nicksstorypage@gmail.com>
Subject: My Jump Off Chapter 10

The delicate touch of fingers running through my hair was enough to arouse
me, as if I wasn't already to that point. Skin to skin contact was sending
a chill through me that I could never measure. From the base of my neck to
the tips of my toes, my whole body was begging for more of the physical
contact that I was receiving. Moving to and fro, it was as if we had
morphed into one being, formed at the very depths of ecstasy.

I gently moved in for a lasting kiss, closing my eyes for a moment that
seemed to be cemented in time. As our tongues slid back and forth in
perfect time and motion, I felt his fingertips pressing against my own,
heightening my senses. His energy was the water and I was the soil, waiting
to be enriched with his nutrients. Our love was the seed, and it was
quickly blossoming into a beautiful, fragrant flower.

Sitting alone with him, exposed to the elements of nature and all of its
beauties and ravages made my heart pound. There was nothing more perfect,
nothing more pure and nothing as fulfilling for me that to sit alone with
Phillip on this Monday morning, listening to him breathe as we slowly swung
back and forth. The morning air was crisp, and the ground was moist. The
sprinklers came on automatically, and the water was barely missing us.

The day before had been somewhat of a nightmare, but I had persevered. I
had done what I had to do, and we were all better off. This morning was my
reward. The payoff for finally thinking clearly enough to do the right
thing. My conscience was clear and at this moment, I hadn't a worry in the
world. I could finally say that everything was okay.

Doing the right thing when it came to Andrew wasn't as hard as I thought it
was going to be. As a matter of fact, I could definitely say he was one of
the coolest guys I had ever met. No matter what, I was always going to be
his friend. He didn't reject me. He didn't judge me. He didn't even get
angry with me.

Instead, he was sweet, caring, understanding and even sympathetic. I don't
think I could have asked for more than that. I was so scared of his
reaction that I guess I never considered that he might understand. I felt
like I had done such a disgusting thing to him that there was no way he'd
ever forgive me.

When I first got there, actually getting the words out was much easier said
than done. Especially since he had attacked my mouth with his almost as
soon as he closed the front door. And I was weak. Way to weak to resist. As
soon as I saw him moving toward me with his arms out, I gave in to my
demons and reciprocated, tilting my head to the right and accepting his
passionate invocation for romance. Tasting his sweetness was almost enough
to make me forget what I was there to do, but I snapped myself back into
reality soon enough to stop the momentum of our journey before it took us
to the point of no return.

Breaking our kiss was no small task, either. Andrew had a whimper that I
found irresistible, and it was as audible as it had ever been as the
reality of what I had to do sunk in. I moved my arm from around his neck
and gently brushed his cheek with my hand as I broke our kiss, causing him
to smile and blush as I looked deep into his eyes, my heart breaking at the
inevitability of the pain I was sure he would feel.

"What's wrong?" he asked knowingly. I opened my mouth to speak, but my
voice faltered and I actually started to cry. I had an idea that this was
going to be an emotional experience, and yet, I found myself startled by my
own tears.

Andrew simply wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly, running his
hand up and down my back. I found a sense of security in his embrace that I
needed at the moment, but at the same time, I also feared that this would
be the last loving thing he would ever do for me.

"Andrew, I...," I started, but once again, my voice failed me. This time,
though, he shocked me with his response.

"I know, Jarred," he said softly. "It's okay. I understand."

"You do?" I asked, feeling a sense of bewilderment.

"Yeah," he answered with the voice of a person who was obviously fighting
pain.

"I'll always care about you, Andrew," I said, gathering my senses and
regaining my composure. His response was to hug me tighter.

"Let's go sit down," he said. We moved to the couch where I reached out for
his hand. He smiled shyly at me and slipped his hand in mine, then we sat
quietly together with his head resting on my shoulder. I could hear his
light breathing by my ear as I nuzzled my body closer to his, almost
leaning into him for support.

It wasn't fair, and I knew it. I had caused this pain. It was my own
fault. My tears were a product of my own actions. My confession to Andrew
had been easier than I ever imagined it would be, and I knew that once
again that I was sitting in the presence of someone I didn't
deserve. Someone who still cared about me, even though I had deceived him.

I felt Andrews arms wrap around my chest and stomach, and when I looked
down, I noticed he had locked his fingers together where his hands met on
my left side. I slid my right arm around his back and reached over with my
left, pulling him even closer to me so I could feel the warmth of his body
as we rested together in the familiar position we had enjoyed so many times
before.

We were cuddling again. I knew it, and I was sure Andrew knew it too. He
turned his head so that he was looking at me, and our eyes met. Then we
kissed. It was that simple. Our lips met, and our tongues danced. As we
picked up momentum, everything just felt right, and I ended up on my
back. Andrew was on top of me, grinding his raging hard on into my own
stiff cock. I opened my legs to give him a more comfortable place to rest
against me as we kissed. I suddenly realized what we were doing but I found
myself unable to stop. Fortunately, Andrew pulled off me and sighed before
he rested his head on my chest and ran his hands up and down my sides.

"What's his name?" he asked quietly.

"Phillip," I confessed. "You've met him before."

"I remember him," Andrew said. Then, meeting my eyes, he asked, "Does he
know about me?"

I quietly shook my head no, and from the look in his eyes, I knew that the
rest was painfully clear to him.

"You were with him first, weren't you?" he asked as he laid his head back
down on my chest and reached out to take my hands in his.

"Yes," I said, feeling like I had just betrayed my best friend. "We've been
together since September."

"Do you love him?" he asked, once again lifting his head to meet my eyes.

"Yes," I said as I nodded slowly. His eyes moistened a little, but he gave
me a small smile and put his head back down on my chest. I felt his grip on
my hands and he seemed to be digging into my chest with his head, as if he
didn't want the moment to end. Finally, treacherously, he looked at me and
confessed his need.

"Can we still see each other?" he asked in the sweetest, most innocent
voice I had ever heard in my life. I nodded my reply, knowing how stupid I
was to do it. But instead of breaking Andrews heart and my own, I opted for
something else. It wasn't what my parents would have wanted me to do. I
knew it wasn't fair to Phillip, either. It certainly wasn't what Andrew
deserved. But it was the right thing for me to do.

I knew in my heart that I would never be able to give up on Phillip. He was
my everything. My whole world seemed to revolve around him. I loved
him. But it wasn't enough. Because as much as I loved Phillip, Andrew gave
me something that I couldn't get from Phillip. I couldn't place it, but it
was there. It was more than sex, but it wasn't quite love. Maybe it was a
deeper, more intimate friendship that I was after. I still can't say.

But my mind was made up. Maybe one day I could break it off with Andrew,
but I wasn't going to be in a hurry. Right now, we were enjoying each
other's touch. The warmth of our bodies was connecting us, and we both knew
what was happening.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" he asked hopefully. I responded by lifting
his head from my chest and pressing my lips to his. Then we got up and I
took his hand once more, letting him lead me to the stairway that would
take us to his room.

The sound of the sliding glass door opening snapped me out of my thoughts
and caused Phillip and I to break our marathon kiss. It was my dad,
probably looking for me. It was still early in the morning when Phillip
came over, and to tell the truth, I was barely awake myself. My cell phone
rang just after 5 in the morning, and I picked it up out of instinct more
than anything. When I saw Phillip's cell number on my caller ID, I panicked
a little. My first thought was that something had happened. The night
before he was out with his parents and I didn't get to see him, but we had
made plans to get together and go to Pungo on Sunday.

I smiled a little to myself when he told me that he wanted to come over and
see me right away. Once we hung up, I tried to get myself together but
failed miserably. Instead, I wound up laying down on the edge of my bed
with my feet planted on the floor and falling asleep. His light tapping on
my window snapped me out of my slumber, though, and as soon as I rinsed
with Listerine, I was out the back door.

"Hey guys," my dad said as he pulled open and stepped through the sliding
glass door in his morning robe. "You're up awful early for a three day
weekend, aren't you?"

"Good morning Mr. Fedina," Phillip said politely with a small grin. "It's
my fault. I called and got Jarred up."

My dad smiled and shook his head as he walked away from us and toward the
faucet that controlled the soaker hoses he had laid down in the
flowerbeds. We waited patiently for him to finish and go back in so we
could resume our kissing, but as luck would have it, my dad had other
plans.

"So, Phillip," he started as he made his way back toward the patio. "Can
you stay for breakfast?"

Phillip looked at me for an answer, as if he weren't sure whether it would
be okay with me if he said yes. I gave him a warm smile, then I smiled up
at my dad.

"Yes sir," Phillip finally answered politely, "Thank you for the
invitation, Mr. Fedina."

The uncomfortable feeling of sitting at the table with Phillip and my
parents was something I could have never prepared myself for. A thousand
paranoid thoughts were swirling through my head as we ate, and I suddenly
realized that this hadn't been such a good idea. I think Phillip could pick
up on my uneasy vibes, because he suddenly looked uncomfortable. I looked
across the table at my parents, who were exchanging glances, and my heart
dropped into my stomach. When my mom looked expectantly at me, I almost got
sick.

I knew what she wanted me to do. It wasn't something either of my parents
had communicated to me, but now it was clear to me. They wanted me to come
clean to Phillip. That was not going to be happening any time soon.

By the time we were finished and my parents had gotten up to clear the
table, I was half way expecting Phillip to tell me he was leaving. In fact,
breakfast had been so awkward that every time I tried to look at him and
smile, he looked down almost ashamedly. I was truly afraid that he thought
I was embarrassed to have him over.

I decided to speak up.

"Let's go in the living room and sit together on the couch," I said, taking
his hand and standing up. He smiled a little and stood up, and I swear it
felt like a breath of fresh air had swept through the house and took all of
the awkwardness with it on its way out. When we moved to the couch, I
curled up next to him and wrapped both of my arms around him, suddenly
realizing that I needed him to hold me.

"I love you Phillip," I said as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I love you to babe," he whispered to me passionately.

"I'm glad you're here," I told him. "I missed you so much yesterday."

"I missed you too," he said.

"I have to tell you something," I said nervously, now realizing that I
definitely should have mentioned to him that we had been caught on Saturday
night. "I should have told you this yesterday, but I wanted to tell you in
person."

"What's wrong?" he asked, now shifting nervously on the couch as I
reluctantly loosened my grip on him.

"My parent's found out," I blurted out as fast as I could. He looked down
at me with a look of, `Oh, shit,' then he turned his head back toward the
kitchen, where the sounds of dishes being rinsed and loaded into the
dishwasher were originating.

"You told them?" he asked in a voice that echoed his shock. I slowly shook
my head and when he sat back and straightened up, I knew he got the
picture. That's when he voiced the exact sentiments I had when I was first
busted. "Again?"

"I'm not grounded anymore," I said, then watched as his eyes got as big as
saucers. He stayed silent, though, as I went on.

"I got grounded on Saturday night," I explained.  "But we talked yesterday
and they ungrounded me. It was pretty ugly."

"I'm sorry, Jarred," he said, taking my hand in his. I could tell he felt
bad about something. "It's all my fault."

"No it's not, Phillip," I said gently. "I wouldn't have been grounded if I
hadn't yelled and acted like an ass."

I felt like I owed him that much. There was no way I could let him feel
like he was to blame for anything that had happened with my parents. I felt
bad enough only giving him half of the story. If I had allowed him to
shoulder any of the blame, I couldn't live with myself.

"I want to make it up to you," he said softly.

"Then just hold me," I said as I snuggled back up to him. "That way I can
forget about yesterday."

Phillip wrapped his arms around me and I curled my legs up under the rest
of my body as I relaxed in his embrace. I reached up with my lips and
offered him a kiss, which he reciprocated. No tongue, though. Just two
longing pairs of lips, anxious for contact with each other. When we broke
the kiss, I felt his hand move slowly up and down my back as he lovingly
stroked my hair and gazed down at me.

I had been feeling so vulnerable all morning that this was what I needed. I
needed to be held, and to be loved. I had to know that things were still
okay with Phillip. I knew that was silly, especially considering the fact
that he had no idea what was happening behind his back. But I think I
needed that moment to decipher the meaning of my relationship with him. It
all seemed so clear when I was in his arms.

My mom and dad had wandered back into the living room at some point,
completely unnoticed by me. When I finally did notice them, I felt a little
self-conscience at first, but then I felt guilty when my mom gave me a look
that told me that she knew I hadn't told Phillip the truth. I knew she was
disappointed, but I decided to disregard that. This was my moment, not
hers. She had no right to try to interfere. I simply looked up at her and
grinned, feeling triumphant for a moment, then I smiled when she hooked my
dads arm and turned to leave, going through the sliding glass door.

When the door closed, I knew I had won. Not that I was in any type of
competition, but I knew what the score was anyway. There was no way either
of my parents were going to tell Phillip the truth. It would accomplish
nothing, and all three of us knew that.

What was done, was done. There was no changing the past. Dwelling on it
would only cause trouble and cause pain not just for Phillip, but for me
too. I knew my parents would never do that to me.

I looked up at Phillip's beautiful face and sighed. This was
perfection. God's perfect will was holding me tight. All things Holy and
good were in my presence and I was wrapped in the embrace of an angel.

"I love you Phillip," I gushed, feeling almost as if I had won a million
dollars. "Promise me we'll always be together."

"I promise," he answered with the certainty of a faithful lover, confident
in my devotion to him.

"No matter what?" I asked as I looked into his eyes, where the answer to my
question lingered, comprehensible to me in so many ways.

His simple answer was to press his lips to mine, sealing his commitment to
me with a kiss.

"No matter what," he said softly as our lips parted.

That was it. I hadn't another care in the world. If my life had ended that
morning, in the living room and in the arms of the love of my life, I would
have died a very content person. I reached up with my hand and ran my
fingers through his soft, silky hair as he smiled at me.

I knew that I'd see Andrew again. That was a given. I needed his touch and
his kiss as much as I needed Phillip to love me and be there for me. But I
also knew that seeing Andrew again wasn't the worst thing in the world for
me to do. It could get ugly if Phillip ever found out, but I was going to
be careful. He hadn't caught me yet, and if he did, I'd deal with it when
the time came.

In the meanwhile, though, I knew I was having another epiphany. I suddenly
realized that for the first time since I met Andrew, I was exactly where I
needed to be.


The End



If you enjoyed this story, please send me some love at
nicksstorypage@gmail.com

Also, you can find more of my work at www.gayauthors.org

You can also check out my page by visiting

http://www.geocities.com/nickolsajames/Nicks_Story_Page.html?1142521454857