Date: Fri, 27 May 2005 14:19:10 +0000
From: Draiodoir Draiodoir <darkdraiodoir666@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Modified Memory Chapter 3 Gay Highschool

Authors Notes:
Hello fellows out there! Woohoo! I'm so happy to be back in this site! Wow!
Isn't this site made from heaven or what?!
Ok, enough yelling and dancing like an insane poodle. I know that the past
two chapters are not in their best form because of the super excitement of
yours truly to post and publish something. I apologize to every single one
of you who read and never comprehend. well, i hope you did understood some
of what im talking about in the past chapters so that we're in the same
page.

Well, to those who thinks that this story will be about hardcore sucking and
fucking, well i think you should say those thoughts bye bye. these is a
story of love and life struggle of teenagers in this time. A part of my life
that happened some years ago that has been conveniently "modified" so it
won't reveal my identity (I love anonymity!! buhahaha!)

well i guess i have to say the usual crap thingy. . . if you're "underage"
you shouldn't read this (but im "hoping" you read it! i will also appreciate
the response and comments and marraige proposals <G>!) and if this
literature is illegal in your area of residence then. . . don't listen to
them! whatever happened to independence anyway!

I like to give thanks to my wonderful editors, Si Kelly and Tom Harold for
their stunning work to make this story much more understandable in the
English language and not in gibberish! i owe the both of you very much. this
is our story guys! if there are errors left uncorrected its totally my
fault!

and also, to the number one writer on my list, Tim Mead, youre the best
Timmy! thanks for the support and advise and the friendship! hoping to make
these friendship forever!

OK OK OK! I know it got long in the advertisements but I love those people.
and also to those who wrote wonderful letters to me, i thank you with ALL my
heart. hoping that you enjoy this chapter (we worked hard to it!) and i hope
i receive more letters but i hope im not asking what i cant  handle!

Oh, and if any Filipino is reading this, let me know! Kababayan! Sulat ka
ha!
hope you're rocking everyone!


My Modified Memory
Chapter Three:
"Silent Love"


	As I came down from my high frenzied state, I called Mel. Well, you could
have guessed how she tried to squeeze information from me. Yes I know Mel is
my friend and that I should trust her but. . . well, there are things that
should keep to yourself first. And I think it's really not up to me to out
Daniel, as I know, he is still super straight in the eyes of his crowd.

	Okay, so you want to know Mel's interrogation tactics? Okay, this is our
conversation:

	"Hello?" that's Mel picking up the phone.

	"Mel its Van," I said.

	"Well I thought this is a very turnaround. I never thought you knew how to
use a telephone. So what's up?"

	"Nothing really, I just called because I said I'll call. I think that's the
"un-rude" thing to do,"

	"Okay, so you think you can escape just like that huh? Well, think again.
What was that talk about with you and Daniel after the workshop?"

	I laughed and said, "Damn! You know, you can be a good lawyer someday.
Straight to the point and demanding,"

	"Answer the question missy!" she said with a little bit of giggle.

Well, by this point, I tried so hard not to get tongue-tied as I thought of
a quick answer.

	"Call me like that again and I'll hang up the phone,"

	"Grrrrr!"

	"Okay, okay! Um. . . he just apologized because he nearly killed me when we
were doing the "Remote" Exercise. It was nothing really," I said hoping
she'd buy it. She pause for a second, probably deciding if my answer was
true. When she spoke again, I heard a little bit of skepticism in her voice.

	"Okay. That's acceptable. Question two, how come you arrived in the Gym
with your blindfold off? You know the rule about "Remote", we are not
allowed to take off the blindfold until Allaine says so."

	"Well," Tight situation here, "um, Daniel got a hard time controlling me so
we just gave up and walk towards the gym to meet you guys," so I said.

	"Hmmm, hmmm. Really?" now full of skepticism.

I tried to do the defensive. "Are you saying I'm lying? Are you calling me a
liar?" I said in a dramatic voice. Being an actor does have its benefits.

	"What? No, of course not," said Mel, sounding shocked that she offended me.

I need to take the conversation off the subject so I go on, "By the sound of
your voice, you think I'm being untruthful," still in my dramatic voice,
"Could we just get off that subject?"

	"Er, okay then." It worked!

Well after that we talk about assignments, the projects that we need to do
for the up coming Foundation Day of our school, our hated teachers and our
plans for the weekend.

	"Let's go to the mall this Saturday! I want to watch a movie or something,"
Mel said.

	"I don't know. Saturday could mean theater workshop you know. Allaine did
that last year. What about tomorrow?" I suggested.

	"Friday? Um. . . maybe. But I know Chris can't come with us because he has
badminton practice and Jennifer has choir," Melissa said.

	"I think that is okay. We can call it our one-on-one bonding experience," I
said. Then I heard a voice in the other line calling Mel.

	"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow right?"

	"Of course!"

	"Bye!"

	"Bye!"

Hang up.

So as you can see, that was the phone call and Melissa totally grilled me
and I can picture her wrathful face when she found out that I got the nerve
to lie to her by not telling her what really happened. Well, I got the vibe
that even though I acted like I was "offended", she still thinks that I'm
hiding something from her and it really hurts to lie to Melissa and it's
also very exhausting and demands full effort. But there are things that, I
think, I should first evaluate on my own before I tell it to my friends.

But it's so hard, keeping something from Mel, as she and Chris and Jen are
the only thing that I have for strength as my parents are abroad because of
their work and as my sister is an insensitive prat, I feel so alone. Maybe
that's why I want Daniel in my life, so that I'm reassured that there is
someone who will accept me and not shut me aside.

After that call, I prepared supper for myself. Fried rice, left over meat
loaf and a soda, that's a dinner for me (well, I'm only 16, no need for a
feast and I'm tired). After my supper, I got to bed and opened a book to
read that I hope will make me drowsy and push me to sleep.

*	*	*

The library. A place of knowledge that is often ignored and can only be
remembered if things are supposed to be done. Yet to other people this place
is a haven for peace and calmness. A temporary escape from reality, from
social judgment, from hardship of life. It's a place were you can go to the
world of the past or you can even create a world of your own. Yet, people
should always tend to be careful from confusing what is real from what is
not.

The library is the only place that Ivan can use where he can really think
and evaluate his thoughts, so that he can consider his future actions. That
is a kind of a man Ivan is, a calculator, a realist. As he pretended to do
his work, he stared absent-mindedly to the notebook in front him.
Complicated, his life had been in the past, he thought, it became more
complicated now.

Living alone as a child, with all the responsibilities and tasks of life,
Ivan grew strong and weak at the same time. He knows when to fight for
himself because there is no one that shall do that for him. He needs to be
intelligent, alert and vigilant because the world he's living in is not a
gentle one. He knows that there are many people out there that will take
advantage of him if he let his guard down. And that is where his weakness
resides.

Living for himself, constantly losing his innocence at a very fast pace, he
got lonesome and unfulfilled. Thinking that he's alone, he strives to seek
for attention, for care, for love. But now that he has it in front of him, a
being that has a connection to him, a being that he thinks he loves, why is
he so afraid to accept something that he has wanted for so long?

He is now thinking that probably, he just wants himself to fall in love
because of the loneliness he is feeling. He is just imagining the feeling
and hoping that it's true even though its not, just because he felt it now,
he is afraid to let go because he might not feel it again.

Ivan scratched his head in frustration. He looked around himself, around the
room of knowledge. Only three students were in there, doing something he
really didn't care about. Kids, Ivan thought. He never included himself with
them, he thinks that the other students are immature and naïve, innocent,
not really seeing the world, still hidden from responsibilities and
hardships.

Going back to his musing, he asked himself, 'Is there a "right" time to fall
in love?' and he answered, 'no'. There is no right time, no right age. You
don't have to be experienced, it just happens. So mysterious, so
frustrating.

Just then, the library door opening and closing distracted Ivan. He smiled
as he saw Melissa walking toward him. It has always been like this, even
from the start of the year. Ivan always goes to the library and Mel will
have to search the school for him. When she finally discovered that he
always hangs out in the library first thing in the morning, the place has
become their morning meeting place.

Melissa sat down beside him and peered to the notebook in the table. As
expected, she found that it was empty, a decoy so that he can have a reason
to stay in there. Mel looked at his friend and got the impression that he
got tense at her arrival. So she said, "It's alright. I know that you're not
ready to tell me those things. You can relax, I won't bombard you with
questions."

Van stared in disbelief. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how much
effort, Melissa will always know better.

"How did you know?" he said.

Mel gave him a "don't-under-estimate-me" looks. "We're friends for two years
now and that's enough for me to know the smell of your blood Anderson."

Van just picked up the notebook and put it in his bag. Then both of them
stood up and they walked towards the exit.

*	*	*

Math class:

Van smilingly took notes as Mr. Austin lectured them about Polynomials.
Math, in Van's point of view is a very fascinating science but Mel thinks to
the contrary.

"What the hell is this suppose to mean?" she asked Van, pointing to her
notes.

Van looked at his disgruntled friend then he focused his attention at
Melissa's notes.

"You know that you can use the "FOIL" method in this equation, right?"

Mel stared at him. "I hate you!" she whispered.

"What?! Fine. You do this," Van explained the method on a piece of paper in
a bit more detail.

In comprehension, Melissa's eyes brighten up. "I change my mind," she said,
"I love you."

"Your not my type," Van said, grinning. Mel tried to punch him for that
remark yet Van ducked to avoid the collision.

After the first period, the two friends got their bags up and started to go
to their next class.

"Hey, have you got any word from Chris or Jenny?" Van asked.

Mel glanced at her back and said, "I think you can have your own word to
them. Here they come now." Both of them stopped to let their friends catch
up to them.

"Hey guys," said Jenny, by her right side, Chris smiled broadly to Van and
Mel.

Mel's eyes narrowed then she rounded to Van, "Can you smell what I smell?"

Van smiled at her, "I can't. But I can see something!" then he demanded of
the other two, "Both of you, explain yourselves!"

That made Mel grin.

"What?" said Chris. He half glanced to Jenny, who appeared more confused.

Mel said, grin still attached, "There is something going on to the both of
you."

Jenny snorted, "Is there? I don't know nothing. Is there something?" she
asked Chris.

Chris shrugged and held his hands up then he walked to his next class. Jenny
smiled and waved to Van and Mel, "Later!" and she followed.

"Silence means guilty! Yeh know that, right?" Van half-shouted. Chris just
waved to him before getting in the classroom.

Starting to walk again, Van said, "Those two are in denial land!"

"Yeah," said Mel in agreement, "Doesn't everybody do that in here?"

"Affirmative!" said Van as the both of them sat side by side again in second
period, English Lit.
Taking out his notes and textbooks, Van flipped and found his page. Poetry.

"Oh god!" Mel whispered, "I forgot to do our assignment!"

Van frowned at his friend. "Can you be more irresponsible?" he said in a
mock voice, but he started to rummage his bag. Mel smiled. Van roused from
his bag holding three bond papers.

"Pick one," he said as though annoyed. Mel extended her hands and started to
read the poems her friend made.

Honestly, Mel didn't forget to do the assignment; she deliberately didn't do
it because she hasn't got the patience to make a poem, and Van is aware of
this. On the other hand, Van's pass time is writing poems, so she concluded
he would bring more than one poem for the assignment.

As Mel read the titles, Van focused his attention to the windows. He and
Melissa always position themselves near the windows so that they're aware of
the happenings outside. Just then, Melissa patted his shoulder to get his
attention.

"I know who gave you inspiration for this one," Mel said with a little smile
as she pointed to one of Van's poems. Van looked and blushed. Yeah, Melissa
Rink does know him well. "It's Dan, isn't it? I think you should pass this
one as your assignment," Mel commented, and then she got the other poem.

"I think, I'll have this one," said Mel, reading the poem she had chosen as
she extended her hand for Van to take the other poems. Van took the poems
from her. Just then, Mrs. Sanders got in and said good morning to her class.

"Okay. I hope that everyone did his or her assignment," said Mrs. Sanders as
she walked in front of the class, "I didn't expect everyone to be perfect, I
just wanted you to express your emotions by writing poems. Poetry is a very
ancient art of communicating. Some people say that poetry is not said by the
mouth, but rather spoken by the heart."

"So, fun part of the day is that everyone will read their own poetry in
front of the class for everyone to hear. Let's start from the front . . ."

Pretending to be stupid or insincere doesn't work in Mrs. Sanders' classes.
She knows if someone has potential and she takes that as a challenge to get
those people to let go of their feelings. She thinks that people should be
sincere in any way of communication and she classifies literature as a way
of "Spreading your heart for the whole world to see", she thinks that to
truly understand any form of literature, you must first understand your own
emotions.

"Very good Miss Rink, pure emotions and very good choices of words," said
Mrs. Sanders after Melissa read the poem Van made.

Melissa sat back to her seat and said to Van, "There you go. You're going to
be complemented twice today."

"Okay, Mr. Anderson your turn to the floor," said his oblivious teacher.

Van stood up and walked in front of the class clutching his poem.

"Um, my poem is entitled, Silent Love," he said then he began to read:

"Silent Love

I walk the corridors of knowledge
And often saw your face
Yet I don't have the courage
To put myself in place

I glance every now and then
Yet hide the love that's forbidden
I never want you to know
I never let my feelings show

Yet I'm always hurting
When I see someone in your embrace
But I am still hiding
The silent love in my face

I want to kiss your lips
To tell you what I feel
Yet I restrict myself
And try to face what's real

Though silent, what my love is
I know that it is true
But I don't know how long I'll resist
>From saying the words 'I love you'"

After reading his poem, Van looked at his teacher for any comments. When he
saw that Mrs. Sanders was smiling, Van smiled shyly.

"Very good poem Mr. Anderson. Wonderful in my opinion and I think it's worth
a place in the literature section of our school paper," said the teacher, "I
think that the message in your poem is quite clear," she paused, then said,
"You're a secret admirer."

That remark made some of the girls giggle and some guys snicker at him. Van
felt himself blushing as he walked toward his seat. Mrs. Sanders is
brilliant but the females always like to  tease.

After English Literature, Van and Mel walked towards their lockers to
retrieve some of their notes.

"You're a secret admirer!" said Mel, over and over and over again after they
got out of Mrs. Sanders classroom.

"Would you shut up?! Say that again and I'll kill you," said Van, opening
his locker.

By that, Mel stop saying anything yet gave Van a sneer. Van, annoyed, closed
his locker and walked towards the cafeteria.

"Shut up don't say anything!" said Van as Mel walked by his side. But even
though Van said that, Mel gasped and grasped his hand.

"Look who it is!" said the girl ecstatic.

Van scowled at her and then turned his head to see Daniel approaching their
way.

"Hi Van. Melissa, right?" said Daniel, smiling at both of them.

"Right," Mel said.

Van blushed and smiled timidly. Daniel touched his shoulder and said, "Nice
seeing you, see you later." Then he walked away yet giving Van a nice look
back and a grin. Van wasn't sure if he just imagined it but he saw that Dan
gave him a very small wink.

"Hmmmmmmmm!" said Mel.

"What?" said Van in a very new cheery voice. His annoyance vanished
completely.

"So, now you and Daniel are best friends and you hadn't even told me?" said
Mel.

"We're not best friends," said Van who started walking again. 'Well,' he
thought, 'we are more than that. Maybe. Kind of.'

Mel caught up with him. "After a workshop, you and he got obviously close.
Just after the Remote Exercise. What happened? How did you bond? Connect so
quickly?"

Van got another blush. 'We bonded alright. We were connected dick to mouth'.

"We just got talking during the exercise and we found out we have a lot in
common," said Van.

"Like what?" said Mel, intrigued that her best friend have "common persona"
with Daniel Lynol.

"Some things," said Van and leaving the word hanging.

"Things?"

"Maybe you should ask him."

"We're not that close!"

"In time, you will be."

And the bell rang.

***

Note: Yah, i know it's a slow chapter huh? but be patient, the great stuffs
are save for last!