Date: Fri, 20 May 2011 01:26:47 -0600
From: Matt Davidson <m-davidson@hotmail.ca>
Subject: No Control: Part 2

Should you reading this? This story contains descriptions of sexual
interactions between consenting males and if its illegal where you are
then, don't do it! If someone says you cant and doesn't have a good reason
however, then I quote my favourite author on this site, "Fuck Em" try it,
you never know! I do occasionally use derogatory terminology in my work,
and I apologize if this causes offence to anyone. It's not meant that way
at all. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, I get a little dyslexic at
times.


No Control: Part 2

MAX

Darkness. That's all I was really aware of. It seemed everywhere about me,
a great directionless mass surrounding me on all sides, stifling yet
expansive. There was a light up ahead and I willed my body to float towards
it. Wait... float? Definitely dreaming then. The thought was lost to my
mind mere moments later, and I was once again in my own reality. I stepped
through what appeared to be a doorway and suddenly found myself in the
field behind my dads house. I was 12 years old, and I was holding the end
of a long board up against a fence post, while my dad hammered the other
end into another post. A wasp floated lazily on the breeze then suddenly
darted towards me, landing on my hand. I looked at it in horror, unsure of
what to do. I needed both hands to hold the heavy board, and if I let go
dad would kill me, but what if I got stung?

The question was answered for me a moment later when I felt the sharp pain
in my hand. It was just a reaction... honestly I didn't mean to drop the
board... but I did. It flopped to the ground causing the end my dad was
trying to hammer in to bounce away from him, hitting him in the face. He
swore loudly and I looked in sheer terror as he turned towards me. I was so
stupid back then... I ran. Ran across the open field away from the rage of
my father. But I was 12, and he was pissed. He caught me less then 20
seconds later, grabbing the back of my neck and easily lifting me of the
ground, his fingers biting painfully into my flesh. Without a word he threw
me into the ground hard, his knee coming down onto my spine, preventing me
from moving. He was talking to me but I couldn't hear through my sobs. He
roughly grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand out to my side.



I found myself suddenly aware that this was a dream, that I was reliving an
old memory. I knew what was about to happen, and I pitied this younger
version of myself. This was the only time dad had ever hurt me so bad I had
to go to the hospital, or rather, the only time he had bothered to TAKE me
to the hospital. After he had finished breaking every finger on that hand
he had started kicking me, and had apparently kept going long after I lost
consciousness.

But back to the dream, which moved inexorably closer to the moment I was
dreading. I saw my dads hand go out and grasp my pinkie finger, then start
pulling it backwards. I felt the searing pain acutely, as I were really
there again. Right before I knew the `snap' would come, I found blessed
relief in the waking world.



DANIEL



I awoke to Maxs shudder. I rolled over to see tears coming from his
still-closed eyes and he was whimpering softly in his sleep. What dream
could he have that would possibly cause him this much distress? Despite
being Max's best friend, I had little idea of what went on with him when he
wasn't at school. I knew he could never hang out when he was at his dads
house, and that some days he would change away from all the other kids in
the locker room, as if he didn't want anyone to see him without the optical
barrier of clothing. I knew that he never really wanted to go home when he
was at his moms, and would be with me or Alexis as much as possible during
that week. And during the summer he just kind of... disappeared. I had
never really given much thought to what his home-life must be like, and I
felt kind of guilty for that now. I had loving, supportive, and rich
parents and took for granted that not everyone had the same. I gently shook
his shoulder and he mumbled something that sounded like "please
no... hurts" then I shook him harder and his eyes shot open.

He seemed disoriented for a second, then his eyes focused on me. I felt a
twinge of fear that he would regret his drunken actions of asking me to
sleep in his bed the previous night.

"Oh, hey Dan. What time is it?" he asked sleepily.

"It's just past noon. Bad dream?"

"Yeah, just... stuff. Something involving crazy liquor bottles beating on
my head. Wow, drinking doesn't seem worth this!"

He smiled at me and his tear stained visage was momentarily forgotten. It
was replaced by more doubts however. We had kissed the night before, but
what did that mean to him? Max was impossible to read, and I never knew
what he was thinking, and now was no exception. And if I was hoping for
some hint from Max, I knew I would be waiting a long while.

"Max..." I started.

"No Dan its fine, let me. I don't know if I'm gay, or bi, or just curious,
only time will tell. But for now, lets just live in the moment and enjoy
it, alright?" Max again smiled at me as he finished his monolog, and then
leaned towards me, his breath smelling of stale alcohol and his own unique
smell, but I didn't mind. Our lips touched gently but firmly, and I pushed
myself into him even more, my raging hard on throbbing and pushing me to
even greater daring as I wrapped my arms around him. To my dismay however,
Max pulled away from me and wrapped his strong arms around my torso, easily
lifting me over top of him and placing me on his other side, then he stood
and grinned at me.

"I'm gonna go have a shower, don't go anywhere!"

I barley registered the words, since I was far to caught up in the fact
that my wet dream was standing not three feet away from me in plaid boxers,
his six pack and rippling muscles laid bare to my eyes for the first time
in completion, his black hair disheveled by a nights sleep, and his green
eyes twinkling. But those damn boxers! And he had been laying in my arms
not 30 seconds ago! Why did he stop it? God this boy would be the death of
me. I pouted and flopped back on the bed as Max walked, no glided from the
room, his bare feet making not a sound. What was going on in his head right
now? I would kill to know.



MAX



Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My entire god damned life I had been a master of my
emotions and now one person, who I had already known for almost three
years, was fucking it up. My mind was a solace, an orderly place where I
could control everything. When my dad made me sleep in the barn, or tied me
to the electrical fence, or just beat me, I could run to my mind and wait
it out. I didn't know it, but it was really just a form of extreme
escapism, and I was damn good at it, going so far as to be able to ignore
my nervous system and disregard pain altogether. But Daniel... Daniel was
shoving aside almost two decades of barriers and making me unsure
again. How DID I feel about him? I liked him, I had thought of him as my
closest friend before yesterday, and I could trust him with almost
anything. But now? Now he was more then a friend, WAY more. And he wanted
to sleep with me... not sleep with me, but SLEEP with me. I felt childish
and ignorant to every move he made. I had done right in stopping him... I
knew I had. But... fuck I didn't know.

All right. Lets get my mind in order here. Facts; I had to work at 3pm. I
needed a shower. My head hurt. I had a boner. Dan had given me that
boner. I liked kissing him. I loved the feel of his skin. He wanted to do
more. Deep down, I did too, it was simple fear that stopped me. Now the
question; do I let him?

No I decided. I would wait a bit. I had waited 18 years, I could wait
another week. I stepped out of the shower I didn't even remember getting in
to and dried off. Slipping my boxers back on, I walked back into my
room. It wasn't mere coincidence that I walked silently; if I woke dad up,
he would make me sleep in the barn for the rest of the night, regardless of
what time of year it was; the trick was luring the horses into laying down
and using them for warmth, but I digress.

I looked at Daniel, not asleep, but with his eyes closed facing the
roof. He wore only his boxers and I took a moment to admire the view. His
short cropped blond hair framed his angular but perfectly proportioned
face, his slender neck meeting with his small shoulders, his pectorals
perfectly defined and his six pack nicely contoured. Daniel didn't work out
to get strong, he worked out just enough to look amazing, that was after
all, the goal. My eyes continued downward, down his hairless chest to the
bulge in his boxers and on to his shapely legs, still hairless. I felt a
huge twinge of self consciousness. I was hairy all over. Not an obscene
amount of hair, but it was noticeable. How could Daniel ever like someone
who didn't at least match him in beauty? Besides that, there was a hell of
a lot about me he didn't know, that no one knew. This brought to mind the
time I had tried to call child services to get away from dad. He had dialed
the head of child protection services and handed me the phone saying
"Larry, Max has something he would like to tell you." I had been unable to
say anything, such was the cage of terror and intimidation I lived in. My
dad had talked to the man for ten minutes then hung up. I spent the next
week living in the hayshed without meals for being ungrateful. No, Daniel
knew nothing. Could know nothing.

I gently sat on the bed next to him and placed my hand on his stomach and
ran my fingertips along his smooth skin. A smile crept onto his beautiful
face and he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Daniel, I'm sorry I stopped you, but I just need to take things slowly
alright."

"Its fine Max, I know you've never been with another guy before."

"Dan... I've never been with anyone before..."

I could tell my answer surprised him, I could practically hear all the
questions fighting to get out of his mouth at once.



DANIEL



Wait a sec. Stop everything here. Max was a virgin? He was 18 for gods
sake! 18 and drop dead gorgeous! The girls at school considered him
mysterious and sexy, and I got asked almost weekly to try and hook them
up. I figured Max must be at least tapping a few. But here was Adonis
himself admitting to being totally ignorant of all things sexual. And I had
tried to get to third base 24 hours after he had kissed someone for the
first time. A wave of guilt swept over me and I slowly sat up and swung my
legs to the floor so I was sitting next to him. I snaked my arm around his
waist and leaned into him, and for once the skin on skin contact didn't
make me pop a stiffy in record time.

"Wow, I'm sorry Max, I didn't know. You take the lead then, and I wont push
you any more."

Max smiled at me and nodded, and we both stood and started getting
dressed. It was Saturday, and I knew Max would have to work, probably
around three like he usually did, and we had to get going if we were going
to spend any time together at all. I knew he worked at a restaurant
downtown, and that he was in the kitchen, but no more then that. Another
point of painful ignorance on my part I realized. Max could name every guy
I had ever dated, every single person I talked to at school, and was on a
first name basis with my parents, and I knew he was the same with
Alexis. Yet neither of us knew a damned thing about this amazing boy. I
would fix that I decided.

The next few hours passed uneventfully, but they were truly some of the
best of my life. We sat on the sofa in his mothers living room (she wasn't
home) and cuddled, watching TV and enjoying being near each other. His
strong arm felt so good draped around my shoulder, his other across my
stomach and his breath tickling the back of my neck. And he smelt so good!
Max didn't wear cologne, but he had his own unique smell that was
distinctly masculine and sexy. I felt frail when I was in his arms, but at
the same time there was a sense of protection emanating from him, and I
knew I would always be safe in his arms.

Eventually it was time to leave and we piled into my BMW, and drove off to
the restaurant he worked at. I parked out back and Max leaned in and looked
deep into my eyes. He brought his hand up and gently stroked my cheek, then
leaned forwards and brushed his lips against mine.

"I wont be done work until late."

"I'll be waiting" I responded, smiling widely.



MAX



As I climbed the stairs to the restaurants back door, I watched Daniels car
speed off down the road, recklessly fast, and I smiled to myself. I liked
him. I liked him a LOT. The word love floated into my mind and I considered
it. Love. Ask anyone for a definition and they will almost always come up
with a parents love for a child, but I would hardly compare the man who
raised me to that amazing boy. What did it mean to love? I didn't love my
father, or mother, so I had nothing to base this on. I didn't hate my dad,
I wasn't allowed to. But did I love Daniel? I read a lot, so I had a good
grasp of romantics, and I saw myself as being silly. One simply didn't fall
in love that fast.

I walked into the restaurant and waved at all the servers as I passed, and
they waved back. I trod into the kitchen and said hello to the cooks who
were working at that point, before heading to the back managers office.

I had told my dad one lie in my entire life. Only one. It was about how
much money I made. My dad thought I made 8 dollars an hour as a dishwasher,
hell even my friends thought I was just flipping burgers. Having not even
graduated high-school, I was making 45,000$ a year as a the night sous-chef
at this place. I had over 27,000$ in the bank for when school was done, to
pay for college and my own place. I had decided long ago that I needed a
plan, and this was it. I never spent my money, and I NEVER let my dad know
that I had set up a separate bank account by myself four years ago. There
were some things he just didn't need to know!



Tonight I was the only kitchen manager in, so I went about my usual tasks
and set up the line (the fancy term for the place where all the food is
cooked for those who don't know) and got everything ready for service. As
the sous-chef, I got to pick which station I worked on, and I usually chose
pans. I loved it. Imagine having 20 burners on in front of you, 20 separate
pans of food seconds away from burning, sweat pouring down your brow and
people screaming in your ear. Sounds like fun right? Well, I liked
it. After the dinner rush was over I went to the office while everyone else
closed the kitchen down and did paperwork. Finally the last staff member
walked in and told me all was shutdown before leaving. I did my walkthrough
of the kitchen and shut down the lights. I stepped into the back alley
wondering if I should call a cab or try to catch the last train home when I
saw a familiar car parked towards the end of the alley. Dan was here! It
was almost one AM and he had still come to pick me up.

I felt a surge of happiness and ran up to the passenger side window. Dan
was asleep leaning back in the drivers seat, his face an angelic expression
of peace, a slight smile on his lips. I tapped the glass and he opened his
eyes and looked at me, the smile spreading and expanding to encompass his
whole face. He hit the automatic locks and I climbed in. After a long and
tender kiss he sped off and we eventually pulled up in front of his
house. We stepped out quietly and snuck up to the front door, which Daniel
unlocked with his keys. Kicking off our shoes, we quietly headed for the
basement, through the quiet halls of his parents massive home. As we
finally stepped into his room, I was again awed by how spoiled he was. A
big screen TV took up one end of the huge room, a large leather couch
crouched in front of it. His king sized bed rested behind the couch and a
desk with a top of the line computer sat next to the door. He had his own
walk in closet and bathroom as well. Letting out a low whistle I turned to
him and said "You're a spoiled brat you know."

He grinned and said "I know, its great isn't it!"

I laughed and flopped onto the couch.

"So what's the plan for the evening sir?" I asked

Daniel walked over to me and sat on my lap.

"I'm content as long as I get to sit here. A movie maybe?"

We settled on Pirates of the Caribbean and Daniel flicked the various
required machines on and inserted the DVD while I quietly stood behind him
and crawled into his bed, which was positioned so that you cold still watch
the TV while laying in it. Once it was started Dan stood and turned around,
noting I was in the bed and came and crawled in next to me, wrapping his
arms around my waist and resting his head on my chest.

"Mmmm, this is comfy." He murmured.

I smiled and gently ran my fingers through his hair, massaging his
scalp. We both briefly stood and dressed down to our boxers before crawling
back into position, and I could feel Daniels hardness pressed into my
thigh. And I was sincerely glad that the huge comforter Dan had on his bed
was hiding my own erection! Daniel fell asleep about halfway through the
movie, and I continued letting my hand roam up and down his back and into
his hair, eventually drifting off into a very restful sleep, the likes of
which I hadn't enjoyed in a long while.

It went that way almost every night that week, and Alexis was more the
happy to learn that we had grown `close'. Dan asked a lot of questions that
week while we were alone, most of which were about my parents, which I
diverted successfully for the most part. We didn't let on at school that we
were together. We never discussed it, but Dan respected my desire to keep
it secret. There was only three months of school left after all.

On Thursday night I told him it was the last night I'd be able to stay over
until the next time I was at my moms house and he pouted for hours until I
made out with him for a solid 20 minutes, after which he was just giggling
and happy. We went to sleep that night both thinking that we could never
get any happier then this, and that nothing could go wrong.

How wrong we were.


I love ominous endings. Let me know what you think, M-Davidson@hotmail.ca