Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2011 13:05:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: Kell <daredevillain862@aim.com>
Subject: Noah & Jaden-37

The breath knocked out of me. The throbbing pain in the back of my
head. The tightness squeezing my wrists. The crushing blow to my groin. The
sickening plunge of steel into my waist. The paralyzing agony of
electrocution. The feeling of my most intimate spot being torn apart. The
warmth of the orgasm from hell. The dumping of my insides into the
toilet. The wretch of sex filling my nose.

My eyes opened from the hellish nightmare. I was still haunted by the
agonizing memories of what Shannon had done to me that day. It was
so...unbelievable. Something out of a horror movie. The sheer thought of
what I went through caused me to start sweating in my bed while I had
slept. I swallowed a knot in my throat.

Rolling over, I stared at the most hated invention in history & took in the
red time. 4:30am. Lately, my nightmares had become my alarm clock. For the
last three weeks I had started waking up become 4:30 & 5 in the morning
from them. I stared at the black ceiling of my room, letting my eyes adjust
to the darkness before I got up. After a minute, I inhaled a big breath &
strained to lean up in my bed. When I was upright, I sleepily looked around
my room & yawned. Rubbing my nose with my wrist & cleaning my eyes of the
gunk, I pulled my blanket off me, letting the cool fall air hit my body. I
blinked a couple times &, almost painfully, stood up from my bed.

I picked up my phone from my nightstand & saw that I had a new text. It was
from Jared.

We had started texting each other after he had asked for my number at the
club that Collin, Ruby & Janie took me to. I don't know what it was about
Jared, he just seemed like such a cool guy. I was still afraid to consider
going out with him, assuming he was actually interested in me. But if he
was, I wasn't sure if I was ready, or even really wanting to start dating
somebody. Regardless, I had found myself slipping into a flirting feud with
him nearly every night & seeing his latest text, I couldn't help but smile
both from just how silly it was, but also getting the text from in
general. And while I wasn't anywhere near head-over-heels for him...I had
to admit to myself that I had developed a small crush on him.

Stretching my arms out, I scratched a little itch on my butt & walked over
to my dresser. Going through drawer, I pulled out a clean pair of boxers,
some socks, a sleeveless shirt & some athletic shorts. My feet were cold on
the wooden floor so I hurried out of my room down the stairs toward the
bathroom.

You ever feel...I don't know, "naughty," when you're awake & walking around
your home during the middle of the night when everyone is still sleeping?
It's an odd feeling. Almost like, if you were quiet enough, you could get
away with doing anything. And by middle of the night, I don't mean the time
from around 1 to 2 or 2:30. I'm talking about part two of the night, or
really, the epitome of early morning. And at 4:30, what could be a better
example?

The silence throughout the house was loud & clear. Dad wasn't home, not
that it mattered. He was in DC for the next two days for something that
came up unexpectedly at work. So I didn't have to worry about waking him
up, especially since when you're awake at that time, you know how every
movement you make is twice as cautious. I could hear the soft sound of the
skin on my feet peeling from the hardwood floors every time I lifted my
foot. I could hear the sound my boxers made every time my legs moved past
each other. All amplified.

I walked into the bathroom & shut the door. Flipping the switch on, I
cringed at the onslaught of light pouring into my eyes. It took me a moment
to fix my eyes & walk over to the sink where I put my clothes. I turned on
the vent, listening to the mechanical whurr as air was slowly sucked up
into the ceiling. Walking toward the shower, I reached in & turned the
knob. I flinched as the first few drops of cold water splashed down on my
arm as I worked to turn it to the perfect spot. I waited for the water to
warm before I leaned back out & pulled my boxers down. Stepping out of
them, I stepped into the warm pour of water.

I closed my eyes & lowered my head as the water matted my hair down &
dripped down over my shoulders, arms & chest all the way down my legs &
feet. The warm steam felt nice to my skin. I raised my head, squeezing my
eyes tight as the water poured onto my face. I vigorously rubbed my face to
help wake myself up a bit more. I reached for the bar of soap on the wall &
the scroungy. Soaping up the scroungy, I began to wash my body starting
with my chest & arms. After I did my underarms, I moved on to my neck &
upper back, feeling the coarse feeling of the scroungy lightly scratch my
skin. With the soap dripping down, I washed my waist & soaped up my thighs
& butt. As I moved on to my groin, I couldn't help but start to get
hard. As my handed glided over the skin of my cock, I watched as it slowly
started to raise up, the head of it becoming more enlarged. I tugged at my
dick a couple times for no reason but I even though I was hard, I wasn't up
for a jerk off right now.

After I was done washing the rest of my body, I waited for the soap to wash
away. I watched as rivers of white bubbles dripped down my chest & stomach,
down my thighs & to my feet. I slowly rubbed any remaining soap off my
chest, neck & stomach. I scrubbed my underarms, getting any remaining soap
out from under there.

Once I was done, I reached for the shampoo & squeezed a glob of it out onto
my hand. I reached up to my head, closed my eyes & began to scrub my
hair. Once my hair was clean & all shampooed, I began to wash it out by
looking up into the stream of hot water. I cleansed my hair tightly,
letting the shampoo seep out. Done with that, I allowed my hair to rinse
out for a little while longer, watching the water whip off the tips of my
bangs which were dangling loosely in front of my eyes. I liked how my hair
became a brown color when I showered. I snapped my head back, my hair
whipping backwards. I pushed my hair back more over the top of my head.

Soon after, I shut the water off & let water fall off my body. I stepped
out of the shower & grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my naked waist as I
stepped up to the sink. I reached forward & wiped some of the condensation
off the mirror. Jade had always told me that when my hair was longer & wet
& pulled back, it looked like Orlando Bloom's hair a little.

I took the can of shaving cream & covered my hand in it while I took my
razor nearby & wet it under the sink. Smearing my face with the smooth
white cream, I rubbed it around my cheeks, above my upper lip & under my
chin. I almost never had to shave, but after a while, a few sparse whiskers
would pop up which I didn't like. I took the razor & begin to slide it down
my cheeks, followed by obliterating any traces of fuzz around my upper lip.

I finished shaving a couple minutes later & shaking out my razor, I reached
for my clothes. Dropping my towel, I slipped on my clean pair of boxers &
then my shorts. I took my sleeveless shirt & pulled it down over my head. I
ruffled my hair until it was back to a fairly normal style & threw my old
boxers & towel in the hamper.

Walking out of the bathroom, I made my way to the kitchen. Opening up the
fridge door, I grabbed a water bottle that was on the door. I started
toward the front door where I could see nothing but blackness outside the
windows. I found my sneakers & put them on. Opening the front door, I
pushed open the screen door & let it close quietly behind me. I walked down
the steps & started to jog down the road.

I was going to jog into town.

This had become my morning routine for the past three weeks.

*****

Four miles later, I made it to the center of town. Panting heavily, I
gulped down what little was left of my water. I nearby a 24-hour
McDonald's. Counterproductive, I know, but I was dying for something to
fill me up. I walked across the street into the store & noticed how the
cashier was dozing on his hand, which was propping up his head on the
counter. I walked up to the counter & looked up at the menu to see what I
wanted. I cleared my throat a little, which woke up him. His face turned
red from embarrassment. I had kind of gotten to know him, Albert, over the
last three weeks of doing this. By gotten to know him, I meant knowing his
name each time I had walked in, that was it. And, when he wasn't sleeping,
he was pretty good at his job. And, I guess in this business, being really
fast is what was considered good.

"Can I get a 20 piece chicken nugget, a small fry & a small drink?" I asked
as I took my arm & wiped sweat off my forehead.

"Sure."

I took out some money I had brought along & payed. After he handed me my
receipt, I went to go sit down at a nearby table. As I waited for my food,
I looked out the window. In the far distance, I could see sky lowly glowing
with the hint of a near sunrise. Not many people are awake when the sun
rises, or if they are, it's because they're too busy getting ready for
work. But for the last three weeks I had been able to watch the sun rise &
let me tell you...it's amazing. 12:00am is not the start of the next
day. The instant the first ray of light pour into your eyes is. AM and PM
do not define time, light and dark do. And when the sky was filled with the
warmth of light from the sun, it was the start of something new that the
turn from PM to AM just couldn't match up to.

My life. Hahaha. How it had turned upside down, inside out, backwards &
just totally become a mess. My life was going so great & then, this. I had
a perfect application to the med school of my choice, I had a great
friendship with Jaden even though we were broken up, I was somewhat
starting to get used to the idea of my dad dating, work was going
great...and then it had all just turned to...to...turned to shit.

I sighed as I glanced over at the guy making my food. I wondered if he had
ever gone through something like me. Not something similar, but something
traumatic. And then I thought...would he think *I* had gone through
something traumatic? How would he know? As I watched him move from the
frialator to the grill, I wondered...what was his life like? What was his
DAY like? We never stopped to consider what somebody else' day was
like. Far too often we went about our days caring only about our own
business. Was that necessarily a BAD thing? Well, no, but it wouldn't hurt
us to give a little more consideration for those we come in contact with
every day. Like the lady at the grocery store who might have a little bit
of an attitude. She could have just had a heartbreaking fight with her
parents and what do we do? Instead of asking how they are, we walk away &
cuss them under our breath for the rest of the day. We call her "that bitch
at the grocery store." Or the guy who cuts you off in traffic. We don't
give him a break, we immediately judge his whole existence. We yell at him,
call him an asshole, honk the horn, not thinking that he could be one of
the nicest guys on the planet & just be having an awful day. Maybe his
brother died, or he was just fired. We don't take that into any
consideration. We act on they're interaction with us.

Sometimes it's the other way around. People around us who seem completely
normal could, for all we know, have gone through horrible, awful
experiences. The young woman in front of us at the grocery store, flipping
through a DIY magazine, who just weeks ago had an abortion because her
parents forced her to. Or the guy next to us at a red light, bumping to a
song on the radio, who's son was just killed in Afghanistan.

Or the boy...sitting at a table in McDonald's, looking out & watching the
sun rise, who was violently raped by a girl & was then told the girl became
pregnant...

Would Albert know I had recently been through something? Probably not. For
all I knew his neighbor could have been murdered the day before. He
wouldn't know about me. I didn't want to make any of this about me, but I
thought that if somebody could take a moment out of their day to ask me how
I am, I mean REALLY ask me how I'm doing...that could be enough to bring a
smile to MY face, why not somebody else? To be honest, I probably wouldn't
open up to them but maybe tell them how I was feeling anyway. It was the
little things in life that made life interesting.

"Number 63," Albert called over the microphone. I laughed to myself.

I walked up to the counter & took my tray of food, thanking him
warmly. Walking back over to my seat, I began to dig into the warm food. My
iced tea was refreshing as I gulped it down. The nuggets were warm & the
fries were good. I felt very simple as I sat there, eating my food all
alone, except for Albert, at this time in the morning. Of all the things I
could be doing with my life at this moment...I was in McDonald's. It
brought a smile to my face as I realized that I was GLAD my life was this
simple right now. It was a mini break from all the hell that my life had
become lately & it felt nice to be doing something totally & unnecessarily
normal.

When I finished eating, I stood up with my tray & threw out my trash,
placing the tray on top on the can. I walked past the counter on my way
out...but as I opened the door to leave, I thought for a moment & turning
back around, I walked up to Albert.

"So how are you?" I said as genuinely as possible.

*****

School later that day really wasn't exciting. Not that your average
Thursday ever was.

Jade drove me home & on the way home we listened to the radio & chatted
about nothing in particular. I know I've said it over & over...but it was
this that we had, our friendship, that I would keep any day over having a
relationship with Jade. The thing that ruins many relationships is that
people try too hard to keep each other happy, satisfied, entertained,
interested...they try too hard to keep each other. The great thing Jade & I
had was that we ALREADY had each other. Of course we liked to do romantic
things for each other, but the overwhelming majority of our time spent
together was doing things that best friends do; watching tv & movies, video
games, going into town, seeing a movie, etc.

We talked about school, the bitches in school, the assholes, how work was
going, what was new on tv tonight, the possibility of going bowling with
the guys next week, the loud AC in the car & other chit chat.

"So guess what I was thinking," Jade said.

"What?"

"We," he said, patting my leg, "should save up our money from Dade's & take
a trip to Disney World!"

I laughed out loud.

"What?"

"What?"

"What are you laughing at? You don't wanna go to Disney?"

"No it's not that, it's just that that was so random. Why pick Disney World
out of anything we could spend our money on?"

"Uh, 'cause it's the 'happiest place on earth' that's why. Ok fine mister,
what would YOU spend the money on?"

"I, mister, would actually be putting money away to help pay for college a
bit."

"Noah." He turned to me, "We both know what your dad does & how much he
makes doing it. I don't think you need to chip in hahaha."

"I know but still, I wanna show my dad that I can start using my own money
for what I think is important."

"If you're trying to show him you're responsible, he already knows that
dude. EVERYBODY knows that," he laughed.

"I know. Anyway, why Disney?"

"Why NOT?"

"Disney WOULD be a neat vacation some time..." I admitted.

"Let's go then!" Jaden nearly jumped out of his seat & threw his hands up
in the air.

"Ok, if you can drive without letting go of the steering wheel, then maybe
I'll consider it."

*****

"See ya later!" I called to Jade who had parked his car in his driveway
when we made it back home.

"Bye!"

I unlocked the door to my house & walked in, dropping my stuff at the
door. I took my coat off & slipped on a nearby comfy long-sleeve plaid
shirt that I left halfway buttoned. I went into the kitchen & looked
through the cupboards to find something to eat. Unsatisfied, I went through
some of the drawers. I found a thing of mac & cheese that I could put in
the microwave, so taking it out, I grabbed a forked from the drawer and put
the mac & cheese into the microwave. Once it was done, I took it out & went
in the fridge to take out a Gatorade & went out the backdoor. I walked down
the hill of my backyard down to the dock. Once I got to the edge of the
dock, I sat down, took my shoes off & pulled up my pant legs. Dipping my
feet into the water, I started to dig into my food. I scarfed it down
quickly & gulped down my drink. In a matter of minutes I was finished &
with a big burp, I leaned back on my arms & stared up into the lightly
clouded sky.

All of a sudden, I hear a little plop sound in the water down by my feet. I
figured it was a fish that had come up to the surface. I leaned forward to
see if I could watch it swim around my feet. I couldn't quite see that well
with the blue reflection of the sky so I leaned forward a bit more to look
down into the water.

BANG!

Suddenly, a deafening sound very close to me shattered the silence & caused
me to jump, & because I was leaning so far forward, I fell forward into the
lake. Thrashing underneath, I fought to stand up so I could see what had
caused me to fall into the water. Once I was able to stand in the
chest-deep water, I found out.

Jade was on the ground laughing hysterically. I saw a large rock sitting on
the dock. He must have picked it up & thrown it onto the dock, creating the
heart-stopping loud noise from the rock-on-metal sound that nearly scared
me to death.

I blew outwards water that had gathered in my mouth & around my lips. Jade
was on his back holding his stomach, legs nearly flailing in the air.

"I....can NOT believe you just did that..." I said.

I walked around to the ladder & climbed up it. Once I was standing on the
dock, I felt 10 pounds heavier with water dripping from my drenched shirt &
jeans.

"You...you actually fell in! Ahahahahahahaha!" Jade cracked up.

"You are the biggest ass on the planet," I had to talk loud over his
contagious laughter.

"I dunno," he laughed, "from the splash you made, that sounded like a
pretty big ass to me hahahahahaha..."

"WHY would you do that?" I said, walking up to where he was on the ground.

"No! Get away from me," he chuckled, standing up to move away from me.

But he wasn't fast enough. I caught up to him too quickly & kept him on the
ground. Laughing, I sat down next to him facing the lake.

"Why?" I laughed, wringing out water from my sleeves.

"Why not?" he giggled. "I didn't actually even mean to make you fall in, I
just wanted to scare you by throwing that big rock onto the dock
hahahahaha."

"Yeah well you're an ass."

"I went out to the backyard to water mom's garden & I saw you sitting on
the dock eating. So I figured I could walk up & join you, or I could have
fun."

"I leaned forward 'cause I thought I heard a fish come up to breathe."

"Oh, yeah...that was me too," he laughed. "I threw a little pebble into the
water near your feet so you would be distracted & wouldn't hear me."

I whipped my head toward him, water zipping through the air & all over him.

"Agghh!" he cried.

"That's what you get...at least."

He wiped his face off withe his sleeve & picked up a nearby stone, throwing
it far into the lake.

"So how're you doing?"

I laughed. "What do you mean what's up? We both just got home like five
minutes ago haha."

"No, I mean...like, how are you?" he said more seriously.

"Oh..." I shrugged. "I'm ok."

"You can tell me if you're not, you do know that right?" he said.

"Of course I know that."

He had a stressed look on his face.

"What is it?" I said.

"Is there stuff...is there stuff that you WOULDN'T tell me?" Jade asked
very nervously.

I looked at him.

"Like what?" I said, confused, almost a little scared.

"I dunno...anything I guess. I mean, you can be honest. Are there things
that you might not want to tell me?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe...I guess there's a few things. Are there
things you keep from me?"

He looked a little taken aback when I asked him. I guess he wasn't
expecting me to wonder the same thing.

"I guess so...a couple things."

"How come you wanna know?"

Jade shrugged his shoulders.

"Just wondering I guess."

"C'mon, it's more than that."

"I guess I was just wondering if there are things that we keep from each
other...even though we're supposed to be best friends."

I put my arm over his shoulder.

"We ARE best friends, you know that."

"Then why do we keep secrets from each other?"

I shrugged.

"Maybe what we keep from each other isn't kept from each other as best
friends...it's kept from each other as ex boyfriends."

"Why should that matter?"

"Well," I said, taking my arm back, "what have we been keeping from each
other then?"

"Is this a good idea?" he whispered.

I smiled.

"Probably not," I replied.

We looked at each other for a second & then back out at the water.

"Every time I remember what happened to me, I can't help getting turned
on. I mean, you KNOW I didn't like the fact that she did anything to
me...but purely physically...it was arousing."

"I think I know what you mean."

"It makes me sick every time I think of it...and it makes me feel gross
when I realize that I was turned on when she..ya know..."

He nodded his head & started to gently rub my back.

"West has been bugging me for a while now...I figured that with you having
been through so much, the last thing you need is him on top of you," he
told me.

"Wait, what?" I said.

"West has just been giving me a bunch of crap here & there...it's not that
big of a deal, really. I don't know what his deal is, I mean we were all
great friends so why he's suddenly a bully to us I have no idea. But I've
been getting up in his face a lot."

"Why?"

"I think if he sees me as more of a nuisance, then he won't bug you so
much."

"Jaden-"

"I KNOW it's dumb & stupid but I really don't want you worrying about him
ok? The bigger of a pest I am, the less of a pest you appear."

"You don't need to do that..."

"Your turn," he said with a little grin.

I suppose I appreciated the change of a subject. I felt uncomfortable
telling him the next secret though.

"Do you remember that kid Jared? From the club?"

"The club that we all went to?"

"Yeah."

"Was he that kid who got you a drink?"

"Yeah."

"What about him?" he asked, scratching his chin & looking off to the side.

"I've been talking to him a lot since then. We text back & forth."

"About what?"

I shook my head. "Different stuff. Everything, anything I guess."

"Do you...like him?"

I glanced at Jade, who had his eyes focused on the ground.

"I don't know. Maybe I have a little crush on him..."

We were both silent for a moment. I wasn't sure how he felt about knowing
that, but I knew that I couldn't make him unlearn it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, rubbing his back.

He shook his head. "Don't be. It wouldn't be fair."

"What do you mean?"

"I...developed some pretty heavy feelings for someone. It's someone who I
see at work everyday when they come in to order something."

"So...we both have some extra crushes. I don't think it's the end of the
world," I said.

"It's more than that."

"What then?"

Scratching his forehead, Jade sighed heavily & gave me a sad look.

"It's...a girl. She's a customer at Dade's who I see every day. And I can't
figure out why I'm so attracted to her but I am. We're not friends, I don't
even know what her name is, we don't speak except when she orders..."

I don't know if I had ever honestly expected Jade to only ever be attracted
to me. Maybe I had always hoped for it, but never realistically believed
it. But to hear his actual confession was...an impact. What really hit me
though was the girl.

A sudden chill came over me as I realized that...just maybe...

...he had never actually been in real love with me, & that perhaps an
extended fling with his best friend was just an adolescent phase he was
going through.

I felt my throat close up as the thought crept into my mind. My heart
couldn't handle any more pain in this life, & the thought of everything he
& I went through together as a couple being just an experiment in a tiny
chapter of his life was too much. I had convinced myself that we were meant
to be soul mates, whether or not we were actually with each other. But that
had always been under the condition that we were both gay, not just one of
us being gay while the other was confused. Now I didn't know what to think.

"When did this all start?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter..." he said quietly.

"Was it after we broke up? Was it recently?" I said.

"Do you remember when Tom changed my schedule at work?"

I nodded.

"It was around that time..."

I racked my brain to figure out how long ago that was. Slowly, my heart
sank as it hit me.

"That was...while we were still together..."

He nodded.

No. I refused to accept that we had been a fake. What he & I had was REAL,
I knew it was. I refused to believe that I had been a short experiment in
high school, that I had been a jerk off buddy with a few more tricks. I
didn't want to be some phase. At the absolute least, I wanted to be a
legitimate ex.

And yet...

Saying even that to myself I knew was a lie. And that was the last thing I
told Jade.

"I wanna get back together," I said.




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