Date: Sun, 30 Jun 2002 10:01:42 -0500
From: Dimi and Joey <dimiandjoey@mail.com>
Subject: Now I Know I Am Not Alone Part 2

Again, this story is completely true. Like "Now I know I Am Not Alone," it
happened justt about two years ago when we were both sixteen. As usual,
some names have been changed for obvious reasons.  The next story will be a
a while in coming since I will be in Greece until the middle of August.
Send comments/questions etc. to dimiandjoey@mail.com


			       *************

			     Letters from Dimi
		  A Sequel to "Now I know I am no Alone!"

The camping trip with Joey had gone so well that I was looking forward to
his staying at my house for the weekend. Everything seemed to be going in
my favor. Unexpectedly, my parents had to go to Georgia to visit my
father's grandfather who is in a nursing home and ill. Mom said that she
would allow Joey to visit for the weekend but I had to promise that I would
babysit my 13 year old brother, Theo. What more could I ask for? I knew
that what we did last weekend on the camping trip would take a back seat to
what we were gonna do next - the big one, anal sex. Joey was kinda nervous
about it for two reasons: one, he was a little afraid to do it; and two,
Theo was gonna be there and he was afraid we would get caught.

"Don't worry," I said. "My bedroom is up in the attic that we converted
into two bedrooms with a bathroom in between. One is for guests and the
other is mine. We'll be on the third floor and Theo will be down in his
room on the first floor. We can rent a movie for him, tire him out, and
before you know it, he'll be asleep." Officially you will be sleeping in
the guest bedroom, but you will really be in my bed with me the whole
weekend! The stairway from the second floor to the attic has a door at the
bottom and it locks only from the inside. Even if Theo woke up, there's no
way he could catch us if we lock it!"

I started making plans for it right then and there. Neither of us knew
anybody who had actually done it, so we had to go on what we knew from
listening in chat rooms and looking at the video clips and pictures on the
internet. I went to the drug store and bought two tubes of KY Jelly. I knew
the druggist, who is real old, so I told him that I needed a water soluble
lubricant for my wetsuit; of course, he suggested KY, exactly as I knew he
would. Then I had an older friend of mine go in and buy two boxes of
condoms. I couldn't do that because you can't really use a condom for
anything else and I knew that the druggist would let my mother know that I
was buying them. Most of the kids in the pictures had them on so I figured
they do it a lot more than we do so that must be the way to go. Next I went
down into the basement and poked around for something I had seen a while
ago - an enema bag. I found it packed in one of the trunks. There was a
whole bunch of attachments for the hose in another little bag. There was
one end in there that was long and curved like a dick but I decided that
that would be too long. I took the end that looked right for us...about 3
inches long and narrow. I really did not like the idea of an enema, but I
know that Joey loves 'em. He had suggested that if we ever do anal sex it
would be a good idea to use it to clean ourselves out before we did it so
that our dicks wouldn't run into anything going in. It made sense to me. I
stuffed the bag into the from of my underpants, wrapped the hose around my
wait, and put the end in my pocket. I had a real long, baggy shirt on so
nobody would ever know what I had. I smuggled it up to my room and hid it
along with the KY and condoms in my secret room, a corner of my room where
the panel could be pulled back, revealing a corner of the attic. Everything
was ready to go.

Wednesday and Thursday went real slowly. Joey and I had agreed not to jerk
off or look at any pictures or video clips for the rest of the week. We
figured that way we would both be fresh, loaded, and ready to go. Joey
arrived Friday afternoon about two hours before my parents left. He had
dinner with us. It is kinda strange when you think about. Here we are
sitting around the kitchen table (We never eat in the dining room except on
holidays), eating, laughing, talking. My parents are saying one thing; I'm
listening but wishing that they would hurry up and get out so Joey and I
can do it again. Theo was being more than the little pain in the ass little
prick that he usually is. I got the feeling that he resented a lot that
Joey was here. Lately he always seems to be too possessive with everything
- almost like how dare you come over to visit MY brother. That pain in the
ass attitude was only the beginning of what was to become a nightmare.

The e-mails from the people who had read "Now I Know I Am Not Alone" were
starting to come in. If I got one, Joey got seven. I dunno why he got more
that I did. Maybe he sounded more interesting than me. I was kinda
jealous. Some of the emails just said that the story was great and that I
should be a writer when I grow up. I don't think I will, though. I just
happen to be real good at writing. Other e-mailed wanted pictures of us,
and some wanted to meet Joey for sex. Some we answered; others we didn't.

A very good friend of mine, he's really a friend of my father's, gave me a
couple of books...one of them was a collection of letters written by this
guy. He told me sometimes letters, because they are so personal and
private, can tell a story better than the usual ways. So that it what I am
gonna do, let everything come out as it happened and as I related it in my
e-mails. So sit back and listen as the story unfolds. It begins late
Saturday, June 10, 2000, with my first e-mail to Peter. I will say nothing
more than he is a young, wonderfully sensitive gay man, who helped me
through a very difficult time. I met him by accident; he just sent me an
email, telling me that he loved our story "Now I Know I am Not Alone", and
I replied:


*********

Hi Peter,

Thanks for your nice comments about the story. However, I have some very
bad news. I just got back from the hospital. Joey had major emergency
surgery Saturday and is in recovery now. Everything is OK, but he is in bad
shape. They started the surgery at 3:20 PM and they finished at 7:01
PM. You can't imagine where my head is now and when he was being operated
on. All I could think of was that my fucking him up the ass last night hurt
him bad. It was my fault! I shook and cried the whole time. They had to
give me a tranquilizer. The doctor came into the waiting room and talked to
everyone This is what happened: somehow something was fractured and a sharp
piece of it broke away from the main bone and was just floating around
inside the pelvic cavity near his rectum. When I heard this, I interrupted
the doctor and told him that my brother Theo had kicked Joey really bad in
his butt while we were horsing around downstairs. Immediately the doctor
said that it what probably caused the fracture. He asked me if there was
any horse play after that. I told them no but then told him that later that
night we were practicing our greco-roman wrestling moves upstairs in my
room and Theo came flying in and landed on Joey's low back. He thinks that
those twisting wrestling motions coupled with Theo's slamming his lower
back is what drove the fragment into the rectum wall. Shit! I am so fucking
pissed. After we had finished anal sex, we got hungry and went down to the
kitchen to get some tacos and sodas. When we went back up we didn't lock
the door to the hall because we thought Theo was asleep - it was
midnight. Fuck! If only I had locked the downstairs hall door, none of this
would have happened. I should have because before we practiced the
wrestling moves we were fooling with our dicks a little. That cock sucker
laughed at us cause we were wrestling in our underpants. We weren't hard
but we weren't limp. He even pointed at my dick and laughed. I'm gonna make
sure dad knows that I caught him jerking off in the garage last
month. Right now he's downstairs with dad and I can hear the screaming and
slaps up here in my room.

They let us go into recovery to see him. He's still out cold from the
anesthetic. They don't expect him to come around until at least 10 PM. You
almost couldn't see him under the blankets. He looks so small and flat. His
father lifted the blanket to look; his mother just sobbed and looked
away. I just started sobbing and crying again but I couldn't stop
looking. He's on his back on some kind table, and they've got tubes coming
out of him all over... They've got his legs spread and restrained. I
counted five IV bags, three in one arm and two in the other... They've got
a tube in his dick so he can pee... The worst thing is the bag they've got
hanging on the side of this table... They had to bypass the large intestine
so that the puncture in his rectum can heal. Nothing can go through
there. Everything is going out to that bag. They've got tubes in his
asshole and another one in his stomach. They are gonna have to feed him
with a tube in his nose. He'll be lucky to weigh 90 pounds before he gets
out. The doctor told his father that they had to go in from the front. They
cut him from his belly button to his pubic bone -right to the base of his
dick. They took everything - all his intestines out of him to get to the
rectum. The bone missed a big vein by a quarter inch. You've got no idea
how shook up I am to see all this shit. I ended up barfing in a wastebasket
in the waiting room when we walked out with the doctor. That little prick
Theo is gonna pay big time for what he did to Joey.

I'm gonna take a shower, get changed and go back to the hospital. They said
we could stay all night if we want to. Two of the nurses in the recovery
room are friends of my mother so they are going to let me stay with him all
night. The doctors say he could be in the hospital for six weeks or
more. He goes from recovery into intensive care. The thing they have to
watch out for is infection in the rectum and intestines. That could kill
him.

When I get home tomorrow, I will send you out another update right away.

*************** Hi Peter,

Well, things are looking a little better today and also a lot worse. Theo
ran away last night sometime in the early morning. The cops are looking for
him now. I came home this morning about 8:30 and I got that bit of news.

Joey woke up at around 7 AM. I was with him the whole night. I did nothing
but cry, nap, and hold his hand. I also said a lot a prayers. His mom and
dad stayed too; she was really, really out of it. They gave her a couple of
tranquilizers and let her sleep in an empty bed. Joey's father knelt by the
bed all night praying. Once he said to me that Joey must be very, very
special to me after he saw me kiss him on the forehead before I walked out
of the room for a few minutes. For a second I thought he knew, but right
now I don't give a fuck if everybody knows we love each other and that we
did it.

Like I said, he was in a lot of pain, but he is such a mellow kid. You can
see a tear once in a while but he never bitches. They have him on Demerol
so sometimes he slips in and out. When his parents left the room for a
minute, he whispered to me that he didn't think we'd be doing anal sex for
a while. That was when I told him that Theo did the damage. He said he knew
it was not me because I would never do anything to hurt him. Of course,
that started the crying all over again. You have no idea how much I love
that kid. I am not gonna tell him about Theo running away because I know he
will be upset about that. I went into the chat room at Boysworld this
morning for a bit logged on as Dimi 16, but almost everyone ignored me. I
thought I might find you there but no luck. Only one guy? kid? "Nail" even
said anything to me...and that was that the story was great. I told him
what happened to Joey, but he never said anything else. Don't like that
chat shit. Not going back in there again.

Thanks for being there.

*********** Hi Peter,

God it has been a tough day. Theo is still missing and after 24 hours the
cops will consider him a missing person and then his picture and
description go out all over the place. I am still pissed at him but I am
frightened.

Joey is OK. Now he wants to do another story about this episode. I told him
to forget it or I would pull out all his tubes. He laughed, which made me
feel good, but then he winced with pain when he laughed. He has got such a
fantastic attitude; he just takes it in stride. His mother must have told
him about Theo because he asked if he came home yet. So I had to tell him
the truth. All those IV bags are different kinds of antibiotics to prevent
infection in his rectum. They have a feeding tube in his nose and he does
not like that at all. I told him that I would take him to MacDonalds for an
all you can eat dinner when he gets out. Still looks like it's gonna be
about six weeks or more.

So, all in all, things are a bit more positive with Joey than they were
yesterday. But I'm worried about Theo. I will be going back to the hospital
for the night again. My mother gave me her cell phone so she can call at
anytime with news of Theo but I don't think you are allowed to use them
there.

Thanks again for being there.

********** Hi Peter

Well, nothing new to report. Theo is still missing. Just found out that he
cleaned out his bank account at 8 AM the morning AFTER he ran away. That
means that he was hanging around somewhere until the bank opened. Of
course, the fucking cops couldn't find him during that time. He had
$2000.00 from various jobs that he worked on the docks from age 11. With
that kinda money he could be anywhere in the US by now. One good thing is
that he did not take his passport so we know he's not leaving the
country. But he still could get into Mexico or Canada real easy. We went to
Canada once for a vacation. He loves the place and always talks about going
there again.

Joey had a real rough night. He didn't sleep much. There's constant pain
and some swelling of the rectum. Even his dick is a little swollen. They
say this is normal but that doesn't do Joey any good. They came in to
change the dressing while I was there, and they asked me to leave. Joey
told them to let me stay. What I saw I will never forget. God! It looks
horrible. They got these big staples from his belly button to his dick
where they cut him. It all looks to red and swollen. They even had to shave
off all his dick hair. I thought for a minute I was gonna lose it and puke
right there on the floor so I finally had to turn away in tears and closed
my eyes. I could still see Joey, but I saw him the way we was before, naked
on my bed I think I've seen enough hurt for a lifetime. You got no idea how
frustrating it is to see someone you love suffering and there is nothing
you can do except say these stupid little things like "It'll be OK. Don't
worry, you're gonna get better. It will be better tomorrow." Shit! I feel
so helpless. He told me to stay home tonight and not with him. It's
beginning to wear me down. I know I've lost weight and I look like shit. He
wants me to be with my family because of Theo. I dunno. I am very tired,
but anytime I am not with Joey I get real on edge and start snapping at
people, and getting weird.

I got a real nice email from a gay boy in New Jersey about the story and I
replied and told him what happened. He asked me to keep him posted. He is
an altar boy at his church and said he would ask the priest to pray for
Joey. I think he really cared, which is more that Joey's pals from
school. Not one of them has come by to ask about him or even try to see
him.

Oh well, that is about it from here. More info whenever...whatever...I
don't fuckin know. I think I'm gonna go to church because I missed
Sunday. Maybe that will help.

Love, Dimi

*********** Hi Peter,

Tonight I am staying home. Joey will not let me stay with him. He knows I
need rest cause I'm starting to fall apart. Well, let's see, to answer your
question, Theo is 13 and as far as I know he is Str8. I did catch him
jerking off in the garage a month or so ago, but that doesn't mean he's
gay. For a split second when I caught him, I was gonna drop my pants and
join him, but, I dunno, something just didn't feel right.

 How old is Eric? Please describe him. How did you meet him? I think you
said he was fifteen or sixteen and you are in your twenties...how do you
keep it going on? I kinda always thought that I was gonna end up doing it
with someone older cause there is no way you can tell if a teen is gay. I
can remember walking down the halls in school and thinking when I passed
some boy I liked, you could be gay and we could be doin' it but there is no
way you can tell and you can't just walk up to someone and say "hi, I'm
gay! Are you, would you like to have sex with me?" Funny thing, in gym
class, I only looked at Joey once or twice... He's real skinny for his
age. There were a bunch of adonis type kids in the same locker row with us
and I always looked at them and dreamed. Now that I think back on it, Joey
and I were both watching them and probably only accidentally looked at each
other. After the thing in the storage shed, for some reason I felt
attracted to him like a magnet, not only because we did it together but
because he tried to protect me and keep me out of trouble when I was
drunk. After the camping trip, I knew that I had found the love of my
life. I just got off the Farmboy2 page and only spent a few minutes
there. It doesn't seem interesting any more. This is the first time ever
that I have looked at pictures and didn't get hard. I tried to jerk off but
it just didn't seem as hard as it used to be. After a minute or two I just
said the hell with it, pulled up my pants and checked my email.

Let's see...oh yes. When Joey first called me and told me he was goin to
the emergency room because he had blood coming out of his ass hole, my
first thought was that I had hurt him when we had anal sex. I know it hurt
when I put my dick into him because he told me it hurt a little bit. You
gotta remember that Joey tends to play things down. Thinking about it, it
probably hurt a lot, and I know it hurt me a lot when he put his dick into
me. Listen to what we did to prepare and tell me if we did anything
wrong. Someday, maybe, we will be doing it again and I don't want to hurt
Joey in any way.

First of all, we didn't just jump into bed and do it. We did a lot of
kissing, fondling, sucking before hand. Then, and don't laugh, we gave each
other enemas. Joey likes them a lot; I don't. After we went to the bath
room, we gave each other enemas again. We went to the bathroom again, and I
then took a tube of KY jelly lubed a finger and then slowly put it in his
ass hole. I kept pushing the finger in and out and moving it clock wise and
counterclockwise while it was fully inserted for about five to ten
minutes. Then Joey did the same to me. Then I did it to Joey again, only
this time, in a few minutes I put two fingers in and did the same thing for
about ten minutes. Then he did the same to me with two fingers for about
the same time - remember I said I couldn't get hard lookin at pics, we just
telling you this is making me hard - After that I did it to him with three
fingers for about ten minutes; and then he did the same to me. All in all
we did the finger thing for over and hour. We also kept adding more KY each
time we put the finger(s) in. By that time, both our ass holes felt pretty
lose and loaded with KY. So we decided it was time. I put on a condom. Joey
laid on his back and put his feet up and spread his legs. I moved in and he
hooked his legs over my shoulders. My dick was almost perfectly lined up
with his ass hole. I looked real careful and positioned my head where it
had to be and then pushed in a little. Joey gritted his teeth and only said
it hurt a little. I kept pushin it in slow. I was surprised, it went in all
the way. Then I started thrusting very slowly, sometimes using a rotating
clockwise motion when I was all the way in. Eventually the thrusts got
faster and I cummed in him. After I pulled out he said that it hurt a
little but the worst thing was his back. When I was really going I had him
pushed way back and it really strained his lower back. Joey did the same to
me I used the same position he had. My dick is 6 ½" long and Joey's is 7
½" long so I figured that it would hurt a bit when he put it in. He
regreased me with KY, put the rubber on and put it in the same way I did
-slow. Wow, it fuckin hurt like hell. I didn't say anything though. He got
it all the way into me, but I could feel him hitting something inside of me
when he was all the way in. After we were done, we gave each other enemas
again to clear our the KY. My lower back didn't feel that great after it
either.

That's it in detail - step by step. Why did it hurt so much? Did we do
something wrong in getting ready? I liked it a lot, but will the pain ever
stop when you're doing it? Suppose I did it with Theo, I think I would have
done some damage. I'm beginning to think that it might be better just to
lay on Joey, put my dick between his ass cheeks and fuck him that way
rather than going into his hole. Maybe the position we used was no good,
but a lot of the pictures show kids using that position. I dunno.

Peter, I hope I didn't gross you out with the step by step details, but it
actually got my mind off things as I remembered each detail and typed it
out. I am also full hard and when I send this email to you, I think I will
jerk off. I know that will relax me a lot.

Please take the time to answer everything IN DETAIL. Please tell me in
great detail about anal sex with Eric - step by step if you can. Maybe I
can try something different next time. By the way, we don't have any
pictures of us naked, but I am attaching a wrestling team picture from last
year. We are in the last row (freshman squad) I am the seventh kid from the
left and Joey is left of me. We decided that that would be too dangerous
and risky to do naked pictures. Neither of us are adonis type kids, we just
look normal for our age, only Joey is a bit skinny. He's got brown hair on
his head and dick, and I have blonde on both. Our dicks are intact, no
cuts. I wear glasses, but only for reading.

Again Thanks

Dimi

PS I fell actually relaxed right now...no tension...mom knocking at the
door, Bye

********** Hi Peter First the good news, Theo bought an airline ticket in
Atlanta and went to San Francisco. We have no idea how he got to
Atlanta. He asked at the info desk at the airport there about various ways
to get to the state of Washington. The agent on duty remembers him because
he was young and travelling light. Mom and dad are going to fly out there
today. Dad thinks he is trying to get to Canada, probably crossing at one
of the unguarded crossings. All the authorities are looking for him now in
that area. They are going to fly out there and go to Washington just to be
there. While they are away, Dr. Agrigento, a friend of my father's, is
going to stay here with me. He's a retired college professor, he's 46,
single, and he retired early to write some book. He's pretty kewl: black
belt in karate, a Kendo (Japanese)fencing master, a whitewater raft guide,
a pilot, and a wizard in electronics. Dad says he is what they call a
renaissance man, a guy who is an expert in lots of things. I saw some
pictures of a raft trip he took on the Bio Bio river in Chile last year. NO
FUCKING WAY would you get me in one of those things. There were waves 9
feet high there. Anyhow they picked a kewl babysitter for me while they are
gone. They know that this is tearing me apart and that is why they are
afraid to leave me alone.

Now for the not so good news...Joey took a turn for the worse last
night... He has some kind of infection and is running a high fever. Nobody
is allowed to see him, not even our priest. The doctors say that it is just
a question of finding the right antibiotic to kill the infection. I hope
that it is not one of those super germs you hear about on the news.

I got a good night's sleep last night when I finally got to bed. Dad gave
me a glass of ouzo and that mellowed me out right away. He told me to sip
it slowly because I had never had it before (little does he know!!!!!!)

Talk to you again.

Dimi

*********** Hi Peter

Gosh I am sue glad that we did nothing wrong and that the pain will stop
after a few times! After we got done, Joey said that maybe next time we
should try a different position. I don't like the one where you're on your
side with one leg in the air with the other guy behind you. It looks too
tiring for the guy who's getting it to hold his leg in the air like that.

Gosh Patrick's folks know he is in a gay relationship! Wow! Way kewl. Just
think, before June 2, Joey and I were alone and did not know anybody
gay. Within one week, we have met you, John, a kid in Bosnia, and a gay
altar boy in New Jersey. Maybe there are more of us that we think out
there. Anyhow, how did you meet Patrick? How did you first approach sex
with him. Did it happen by accident, or did you intend to see if he was gay
by trying something. Both of you must be cut if you're six inches. I'm 6
½ inches but intact. I just have a small dick! Joey's is 7 ½ inches
and thick. Shame you're cut. You have no idea how the foreskin helps the
feeling. It was sooo kewl to feel my dick sliding back and forth along the
foreskin while I was fucking Joey. He said he could feel the sliding motion
too. I dunno whoever started this stuff about dick cutting but they should
stop it... If you knew how many times I almost touched some kid and then
backed away in fear...were you afraid when you first approached Patrick.

Are there any other cool things you can do while your making love to a
boy. You know what Joey and I have done with each other. Is there anything
else that we can do? What do you do with Patrick and what does he do to
you? Joey and I talked about trying dildos but I dunno, I kinda prefer the
real thing.

The kewlest thing we do is that trick where you push on the prostate gland
in the ass hole. It is such a great feeling...

Love, Dimi

********** Hi Peter,

Sorry about not emailing you any updates Tuesday night. Yesterday was
pretty awful. I kept calling the hospital every few hours to find out how
Joey was doing. Each time they told me that there was no change and that it
takes time for the antibiotics to work. He has not gotten worse but he has
showed no signs of improvement.

The folks called from Washington. I guess Theo is one or two steps ahead of
them. They just can't seem to find him. They know now that he is heading
for the Canadian border. I spent the day yesterday just killing
time. Dr. Agrigento fixed the sound on my computer; I dunno what he did; he
said something about the ICQ being wrong. He brought me two books to read:
one is about this kid who goes to bed and wakes up and has changed into a
giant cockroach. The other one is a collection of letters by the same
author. Then we went to Universal Studios and got back around 9
PM. Dr. Agrigento is very concerned about me. He tries to strike up
conversations but I really don't want to talk. When we got back, he went to
his room and I turned on the TV in the family room, but there was nothing
on TV so I went up to my room to find something to keep me busy. I read the
story about the cockroach kid. It's called Metamorphosis. It means
change. That's a word I learned in biology. Fucking weird story but
kewl. After I finished it, I tried surfing the net...nope couldn't get
interested. I would sit there in my desk chair and look over at the place
on the floor where Joey and I were wrestling just the other night.. I tried
reading the other book, but I couldn't get into it. Then I'd just sit and
stare down the hall in the attic, well, its not really an attic any more
cause its finished -two bedrooms on opposite ends of the hall. The one on
the right of the stairs is mine and the one on the left is for house
guests. Dr. Agrigento is in the guest bedroom. He had been in his room for
a while before I came up. The light was on, the curtain was blowing in the
window, and I heard him typing on his laptop; he was working on his book. I
asked him earlier what it was about and he told me but it is some kind of
textbook for college students.

It's hot because AC is broken and we cant get it fixed for a least a week
this time of year, but I decided to go to bed anyway; maybe I'd sleep. I
knew I was exhausted. The thunderstorms helped cool it down a bit. I took
off my shorts and sandals, pulled down my bedspread and saw a big yellow
cum stain on the sheet. I don't know if it was mine or Joey's but it really
upset me. I started remembering what we did in my bed and how careful I was
not to hurt him and how he kissed me on the cheek after I fucked him. I
just laid in bed for a while, looking at and rubbing the stain. Then I just
curled up into a fetal position and started sobbing, I just knew that Joey
was gonna die. Dr. Agrigento must have heard my sobbing and crying cause he
walked into my room, sat on the side of my bed and tried to comfort me.

 WHAT I AM GONNA TELL YOU NOW IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE...I SWEAR TO GOD... I kept
telling him between sobs that I was afraid that my best friend was gonna
die and I couldn't be with him and that I just wanted to be left alone. So
he finally got up and started walking toward the door. Then he turned and
said, and I remember exactly what he said: "Don't forget your own words,
Dimi. Part of Joey will always be in you and part of you will always be in
Joey."

 I sorta just popped up it the bed and yelled for him to wait. I could hear
the amazement in my voice. Then he said that he had read our story and that
it was very beautiful and that I had a natural talent for writing. There
was no sense in trying to deny it; he knew!! He knew!! I asked him how he
knew it was us, and he told me that if a writer is telling a true story and
wants to remain unknown, he should never use any real names like Joey and
Dimi, Myakka River State Park, or give real dates. My father had told him
that the two of us were going camping there the weekend mentioned in the
story.

 I asked him if he was gay and he said yes. He didn't say anything else; he
walked back to his room and I heard the typing on the laptop begin again. I
laid in bed and kept crying. I was getting hysterical and the more
hysterical I got, the more frightened I got. Joey's gonna die...Joey's
gonna die - that's all I could think of.

The typing had stopped but his light was still on. I walked down the
hall. He was in bed reading. I stood there in my underpants and asked him,
like a little kid afraid of the dark, if I could sleep with him tonight. He
said that he didn't think that it would be a good idea. I said that he
didn't understand and that I needed to be with someone tonight...someone
like me, gay. We went back and forth a couple of times, and each time I got
more hysterical, then he finally said OK. I pulled down my underpants, took
them off and got into bed. He put his arm around me, turned off the light
and held me very close. I laid my head on his chest. I kept crying and
sobbing and my tears kept dripping on his chest. He rubbed my back between
my shoulder blades and kept telling me that everything would be OK. We laid
there for I don't know how long...finally I begged him to please love me. I
needed it bad. He hesitated but then rolled over on his side facing me and
told me to roll over and face the other way. He reached over my hip and
caressed my dick. I was hard in an instant. I reached over my hip and under
his arm and put my hand into his underpants and tried to pull them down. He
hiked up a bit and I got them down just far enough. I took his dick in my
hand; it felt bigger than Joey's. I hiked closer to him and tried to slip
it into my ass. He whispered in my ear that this was for Joey and me not
for him.

He put some spit on his finger and gently put it up my ass. Then he put
more spit on my asshole and worked it in with his fingers. He did this for
a while and then put spit on his dick, and put it right between my
cheeks. I felt his dick head right up against my hole. I gritted my teeth,
ready for the big pain I knew would come because we hadn't prepared the way
Joey and I had. But it slipped in so smoothly that I was surprised. I
really think I wanted it to hurt as much as possible as punishment for what
happened to Joey. Maybe I wanted to bleed to so I could join Joey in the
hospital. I dunno. I've had some real fuckin' weird thoughts lately. We
didn't use condoms, and it felt better without them. His thrusts were very
gentle and slow. Each one went all the way in, but I felt no real bad
pain. I knew when he cummed, because it was like my whole rectum had just
been filled with something cool but warm. Without saying anything, he
rolled over on his stomach and spread his legs. I got on top of him, wet
his asshole and fucked him gently. After I cummed, I laid on top of him
with my dick still in him until it went limp and withdrew itself. Over and
over, I just kept saying thank you as we laid there with the fingers of
both our hands intertwined. He asked me if I wanted to go back to my own
bed. I said no, that this bed would be just fine. We cuddled for a while
and fell asleep in each others arms.

 The next morning I woke up naked in bed with him so I know I wasn't
dreaming. We laid there still naked, but we didn't do anything. I leaned
over and kissed him and said thank you. He said always remember last night
was for Joey. We dressed, and went downstairs to cook breakfast. By the
time we reached the kitchen, we had decided on MacDonalds instead. When we
got back, I called the hospital. Joey's fever had broken. He was out of
danger, but nobody can see him until tomorrow. But still no news about
Theo. In a little while, we're going down to Casperson Beach, for some
swimming and later we are gonna hunt for fossil sharks teeth there.

Peter, like I said before all this really happened last night. I still
can't believe it. He knew I needed Joey bad and he sorta substituted for
him. This whole thing blows my mind. Before Memorial day weekend I was a
virgin. In just under two weeks I have had sex three times with a 16 yr
old, who I love, and also with a 46 yr old man. As far as I am concerned if
all the older guys do it like that, I'd have no problem doing it with them
if I didn't have Joey. It really was beautiful. OK, here is another
question for you now that I've blown your mind, Do you think I did
something wrong last night? Should I tell Joey about it later on? What do
you think? I feel guilty but I needed it so bad...

Talk to ya soon, Dimi

********** Hi Peter,

We had a absolutely awesome day.  We went to Casperson Beach, which is
famous for its fossil shark teeth. . Costas is so fucking kewl! (That's
Dr. Agrigento' first name. He said I can call him by his first name when
nobody's around or when we're together alone.) I found some fossil shark
teeth. One of them is huge. Costas says it from some prehistoric shark
called megladon (not sure of the spelling) He thinks I should bring it to
this guy who lives in town and who is an expert on this kinda fossil. He'll
be able to tell me which tooth it is and where if fits in the fish's
mouth. Kewl! Way Kewl! I shouldn't have worn my speedos to the beach; every
time my mind wandered and I thought about Joey, I got a little hard and I
had to roll over or put a towel over me. Every once in a while I thought
about last night too and then looked at Costas next to me. That caused the
same speedos bulge problem.

 I still feel guilty about last night, but I just had to...I can't explain
it... Part of me still wants him again tonight, but I don't dunno. I feel
VERY confused. We're goin to a movie after dinner and we will be getting in
late. Try to email me to tell me if you think I should do it again (I don't
even know if he'll be willing to do it again.) I think I'm starting to get
fucked up mentally. Anyway, I'm still a lot better in the head than last
night. I feel peaceful.

 I just checked out Boysworld cause I got a email saying that they had news
videos. I tried to download some but something was wrong - couldn't get
any. I also checked out the links page and they had a couple of new ones so
I looked at them. One of them is called JustBoyz. The first gallery was
boys in bathing suits, cute but boring. I went to the second and it was the
same. But a thumb near the bottom caught my eye. I clicked on it and I
almost dropped dead. It is a picture of me and Joey wrestling at a demo
match that they put on for the people in town to see back in early January
of this year. It was supposed to be so we could get more money next year in
the wrestling budget. I fuckin freaked when I saw it. I ran downstairs to
the living room where Costas was talking on the phone. I waited till he
finished and then told him. We went upstairs and he looked at it.

He told me that probably somebody gay was at the demo and took pictures. A
lot of gays do stuff like that he said. He said they probably took the
picture cause you can see a bit of Joey's underpants sticking out. Joey put
his jock on over his underpants sometimes when he was getting a hard-on in
the locker room. Anyway, in a way, it's fucking scary.

Tomorrow, I can go see Joey again. You have no idea how great that makes me
feel!  Hay, check out the picture. That way you can see what we look like
now rather than a year ago in that team picture I sent you.

Gotta go get dressed. Its 5:30 PM and at 6 PM and we're going out to
Bennigans.

I Love you,

Dimi

********** Hi Peter,

Just got back about an hour ago. Thanks for the advice about not doing it
with Costas again. I know now you are right and I shouldn't have done it
the first time. I guess I was just gettin' fuck happy. But I found out the
hard way when I tried again. Like I tried the same thing, walking into
Costas' room only this time naked and with a raging hard-on, and asked if I
could sleep with him again. Holy shit, did I get sailed into. He sat me
down on the bed and told me plainly that he did it with me last night ONLY
to calm me down because I really though Joey was gonna die.

 He said his only other choice would have been to take me to an emergency
room, tell them that I was gay and my 16 year old lover might be dying, and
that I needed psychological care fast. He said that perhaps he had made a
mistake and did not make that perfectly clear. He asked me how I would feel
if Joey had sex with some other boy on the wrestling team. I told him that
it would hurt me real bad. So he told me to put myself in Joey's shoes and
imagine how he would feel hearing me tell him what I had done. He told me
that sex should be something special, whether it is with a woman or a
man. It has no meaning outside of a strong feeling for the other person. He
told me that a lot of the pictures you see on the internet come from
eastern Europe, places like Bosnia where kids are not well off and they
will do anything to survive...even sucking the dick of a kid they don't
even know or getting fucked by one.He says that a lot of them are innocent
and don't know what they are getting into.

 He stopped for a minute like he was trying to remember somethink, then he
went on line on my computer and went to the Farmboy website and downloaded
a video clip. It was a loop so it never stopped running. He sat there and
told me to look at it and tell him what I saw. It sounded like a dumb thing
to do, but he was pissed off. So I told him I saw two boys, maybe 14 years
old. One is sitting on some kind of chair covered with a towel. He is
completely naked and limp...no hard-on or trace of one. The other kid is
sticking something up this kid's ass while he is jerking off. You can see
somebody's hand on the stomach of the kid who is limp. Every once in a
while, you can see this hand rubbing the kid's leg or dick.

 Costas told me to sit there any watch the video carefully again and tell
me what I saw. So I told him again what was going on. Then he told me not
to just look but to observe carefully and see what was behind what I saw. I
couldn't understand what he wanted me to do. So he said to imagine myself
as the limp kid and put your thoughts into words. So I thought about it and
said well if somebody was shoving something in and out of my ass and I was
turned on by it I would have some kind of hard-on. That is what he
wanted. So he asked me again to explain what was going on. I said well I
guess the kid is not turned on by this. I also said he looked kinda nervous
and frightened by what he was doing. It's like the guy whose hand is in the
picture is telling him what to do. Every once in a while he looks like he's
listening to the guy who is out of the picture, reacting to something he is
saying. He never looked at the other kid who was jerking off. Even after
the hand in the movie repeatedly touched his dick while he was trying to
jerk off and stroked his leg and dick, he wasn't anywhere near as hard as I
thought he should be. Even the way he was jerking off looked wrong. He was
using two fingers in a slow, uncertain kinda way.  So Costas asked me what
does that tell you. I answered that he probably didn't want to do it and
maybe had never done anything like this, maybe even never jerked
off... Costas said right. Believe it or not there are a lot of kids out
there who have never jerked off and would have trouble doing it for the
first time specially if they were not aroused and in public.

What about the other kid, Costas asked... I told him that he was in his own
little world. He definitely had jerked off before. Every once in a while,
almost like he was being told to do it, he would stroke the limp kid's
leg. Suppose the kid who is jerking off fucked this other kid up the ass,
it's sex, right, but is it? I said well its still sex but neither kid
cares. So there is no physical attraction there? Yep, I said. So why are
they doing it then. I answered for money or drugs. Right Costas said. There
is no love there. If there is no love it is wrong. Remember when you found
the wrestling picture on a website. Remember how you felt. Imagine there
was somebody there when you and Joey had anal sex for the first time, and
he took pictures of it. Imagine how you would feel if those pictures
appeared on Boysworld. I told him I would be fuckin pissed. He said right
because something special, something wonderful that the two of you shared
got made into something like that video. Whoever looks at you fucking each
other, wants to do it to each of you, but there is no love there. He just
wants you because he wants you...no love.


He asked me what I thought about when we had sex last night. I told him
that I was remembering Joey. And he said that's because you love him. Sex
without love is just plain animal lust. Any male dog will fuck any female
or male for the sake of the fuck. There is no love.

Always remember that what you and Joey did is an expression of a deep love
that you have for each other. He showed me how to hide the video file so
nobody could ever find it, and he said to keep it and look at it every once
in a while to remind me that I shouldn't ever be like either of the kids in
the video. He told me something that I had never thought of: That when you
look at any picture or video clip of a boy naked with or without a hard-on,
ass fucking, or whatever, there is always at least one other person there
looking with you - the one taking the picture, which almost automatically
removes what is going on in the picture from the category of love.

It was some talk and I understand more now about how magic my relationship
is with Joey. Costas is one kewl gay dude. I got up off the bed, hugged
him, and kissed him on the cheek and said thank you.

I don't think I will ever look at any of these videos or pictures the same
way again.  Well, its late about 11 PM and I got a big day tomorrow. Gonna
see Joey. I've made up my mind to tell him what I did when he's better and
I'm also gonna show him the video too.

Love you(but not that way)

Dimi

********** Hi Peter,

Costas and I were at the hospital at 7 o'clock this morning. He waited
outside while I went in to see Joey. He looks very pale, but he is
alert. His folks were already there, but when I came into the room, He
brightened up. He can barely talk above a whisper cause they've got some
kinda tube down his throat. He was just whispering. He told me that he was
glad to see me and that he missed me so very much while they wouldn't let
anybody see him. I had to lean over close to him to understand what he was
saying, and while he was whispering, I kissed him on the forehead right in
front of his parents. I really didn't care who saw it or what they
thought. That was the first time I touched him in two days, and God did it
feel great. I pulled a chair over to the side of his bed, he tried to talk
to me in a whisper again and I had to lean close to him to hear him.

 He whispered, "I love you." I answered right back out loud, I love you
too. I guess his folks heard it, but, like I said, I don't give a shit. He
gets tired very, very fast, so I just sat down in the chair and held his
hand. His mother told me that he had been asking for me from the time that
they arrived and that the doctor had said that while he was delerious with
the fever, he did nothing but call for me, or talk to me. She said that she
was happy that he had someone who was so close to him, and she knows I must
be very, very, very special because of the way Joey's face glowed when I
got there and he saw me. All this made me feel real guilty. For a fraction
of a second, I was gonna tell them that we are lovers and that I cheated on
him because I thought I was gonna lose him. No... Not a good idea. If they
suspect something, let it stay a suspicion. I would never betray him by
revealing our love for each other without his OK. I stayed with him until
about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Most of the time, he slept. One time when
he woke up and I was not holding his hand, he had a terrified look on his
face. God!! I feel so ashamed. I betrayed him so bad!

Costas was outside talking to Joey's parents when I came out. He had gone
in a few times through the day but did not want to intrude. On the way back
home, I told him of my feelings while I was there. He told me that such
shame and guilt really show that I do love Joey deeply. If there were no
shame or guilt then I would be just like the kids in the video. He said it
was good that I felt this way, and it will make our love stronger. We were
almost home when Costas' cell phone rang. He answered it. It was my
mother. When he finished he told me that there was more good news. They had
found Theo. The reason why they had had such a problem finding him was that
the little prick not only avoided main roads and motels along the way but
also had bought a mountain bike and camping gear and was biking and camping
in the woods on his way to Canada. As a matter of fact, they only found him
by accident. He was camping near this stream and a fisherman, who happened
to be a cop on his day off, saw the campsite and went over to say hello to
the campers. The second he saw Theo he recognized him and took him into
custody. Evidently, there is a lot of paperwork involved, but Costas told
me that they expect to be home with him late tomorrow night. As much as I
was pissed off at Theo for hurting Joey, I am really glad that he is
safe. I guess you can really be angry with somebody and love 'em at the
same time. I can't wait to see the little squirt.

Well, it's almost 6 PM and we are going out to dinner again. Costas hates
to cook for himself so he always eats out. I am gonna have a hard time
readjusting to home-cooked meals again...but not that hard a time.

Talk to you soon,

Love,

Dimi

********** Hi Peter,

Sorry I did not get a chance to write to you yesterday. Things were real
busy here. I spent a good part of the day at the hospital with Joey. He's
about the same, still weak and whispering. But he just seems brighter; he
is not that dead pale white color that he was the other day. I guess that
infection was working on him and wearing him down. His parents are
delighted that Theo has been located and is coming home. Joey wants me to
bring him over to the hospital tomorrow to see him. I dunno. I got mixed
feeling about that, but if Joey wants it, I will make it happen. I told him
I couldn't stay all day because I had to clean the house or I would end up
being grounded.

Costas and I spent most of afternoon cleaning the house. After all when you
have two guys living together, things get a bit messy even if you do go out
to breakfast and dinner all the time. You know, soda cans all over the
place, pretzels, tacos, you name it and we snacked on sometime this week. I
tried salsa for the first time and I think I like it. But it was the mild
kind. He gave me his private e-mail address so that I can get a hold of him
any time. He told me that any time I have a question about anything, I
should write him and he will try to help me out. Like he hasn't done enough
for me already. Every time I have been on line checking out the boy sites,
now I always see that other person behind the camera, and wonder about why
these boys are doing it. It really is funny when you think about. We never
think of the space between the camera and kids being filmed. Just like I
never saw the space between me and the picture I was looking at. Fuckin
Weird!!

I was sitting on the couch watching TV, and I heard the car door slam and I
knew that the folks and Theo had returned. I bolted toward the front door
and at the same time wondered how I would greet him. They came through the
door together and it was like a heavy weight had been lifted from me. Theo
looked kinda run down. He had lost some weight and was dark under his
eyes. I kept thinking what would have happened if he made it to Canada, a
little kid like him, how would he earn money to live. Then I thought of the
kids in the video clip. I grabbed and picked him up off the ground and
hugged him and then kissed him on the cheek. And he hugged me just ask
hard. But I didn't want him to get off free so I whispered in his ear,
"Don't you ever do a dumb this like that again, you little shit!"

 I could see mom and dad were smiling. I guess they were concerned about
how I would react. I carried him over to the couch, put him down and then
bounced down next to him. "Wanna see my bike and camping gear?" he asked. I
told him not now and just put my arm around him. Dad and Costas were
standing in the doorway talking; They shook hands and then Costas left. I
yelled wait and I jumped up and grabbed the books he had brought me. I
walked up to him, handing them back to him. "Keep them," he said. "My gift
to you, young writer." I smiled. I knew what he meant. I threw my arms
around him and hugged him, saying," Thanks, thanks for being there, thanks
for teaching me what I needed to know." As we walked out to his car with
him, he said to me "Well, accidentally, part of you is in me and part of me
is in you." Yes, like Joey and me, Costas would always be with me. I liked
that idea and would really like to be like him.

It was late; everybody was tired. We all went right to sleep. The house
sounded normal again: dad snoring, and the bathroom door opening and
closing continually. It was nice to live in a home again. I was still
concerned about bring Theo to see Joey tomorrow. For some reason, I don't
understand, Theo really dislikes him.


********** Hi Peter,

Last night was the first time in a week that everybody has been at
home. You could tell because we all slept until 10 AM. That is very unusual
for me and also for my mother. Dad drove me and Theo over to see Joey.

He went into Joey's room by himself. Joey saw him and saw me standing in
the doorwar. He motioned for me to come in too. Theo was kinda sheepish,
fumbling with his hands and not looking at Joey and kinda shuffling his
feet. I told Theo that he would have to get real close to Joey to hear him
because he could still only whisper. I could see that Theo was crying by
the tears running down the sides of his cheeks. He leaned over close to
Joey, listening to what he was saying. He held his head there for a long
time. As he started to move back, he patted Joey's arm and then kissed him
on the forehead. All I heard him say was "I'm sorry for hurting you." I
didn't hear what Joey said to him. Theo sat in the chair crying while I
moved closer to Joey to talk with him. He told me that he had told Theo
that it wasn't his fault; that it was an accident. It was nothing but
horseplay turned bad and that's all. He also told Theo basically what I had
said the night before "Don't ever pull any of this runaway shit again."
Some people from xray came into the room. They were going to take Joey for
some kind of tests so we decided to leave. I told him that I would be back
tomorrow, and then Theo said that he would be back too. That caught me off
guard. Maybe the bad blood Theo had for Joey was gone.

When we got home around 2 PM, mom was on the phone, and dad was sitting at
the table with a concerned look on his face. I asked what was the
matter. He told me that "giagia" (pronounced yaya) which means grandmother
was not well. She could not afford in home care and with all the medicines
she was taking she could not afford to keep her little apartment. He told
us that she would be moving in with us, and that Theo was gonna move up to
the guest bedroom and they would make his old bedroom her room. Mom got off
the phone and said that she had to go over there and take care of her for a
couple of days and get ready for the move. It was no big deal because it
was only something like four blocks away. Dad had to take the boat out for
an extended time to make up for the money he lost while he was is
Washington. So mom told us that we would be on our own for the next couple
of days. She said that there was to be no horsing around, nothing. Theo had
been grounded and I had to make sure that he did not go out. Dad left for
the docks and she packed an overnight bag. As she went out the door, she
said that she would call regularly to make sure everything was OK. Our job
was to move all Theo's stuff upstairs and get the bedroom ready for giagia.

Moving Theo's stuff was like moving all sorts of treasures that a thirteen
year old collects. He still had some stuffed animals, his train set, and
bits and pieces of all the games that he had ever been given. I guess he
never threw anything out. We finished moving everything by six o'clock. Mom
had left money for pizza and we called up and ordered two. We got two
because each of us wanted different topping. We sat back in the family
room, drinking soda, eating pizza and occasionally talking about this and
that. I figured what the hell, I asked his why he disliked Joey so much. I
told him that Joey was the very best friend I ever had, but he answered
with a shoulder shrug and an "I dunno." He looked like he was gonna cry
again, so I dropped it.

 We watched Jurassic Park the Lost World and muched some doritos. By the
time the movie was over, it was ten o'clock and mom called, telling us to
go to bed. I wasn't tired, but I got undressed and climbed into bed. I took
off my underpants too and just pulled a sheet over me; it was so hot and
the air conditioner was still not fixed. I decided to try to read the
second book that Costas had given me. After about twenty minutes, I was
really getting into it. This guy had one fucked up life and he poured his
soul and all his tears into these letters. I looked up and saw Theo coming
into my room.

 "What's up?" I asked.

 "Oh, nuthin," he said as he sat on the edge of my bed.

 "I just feel lonely."

 Then he said something that almost stopped my heart:

 "Dimi, I read your story."

 I tried to play dumb and asked what story, but he would not give up, "you
know the one about you and Joey...The one you sent to Boysworld. That's why
I didn't like him" By now my mouth musta been in my lap, so I asked the
next obvious question, "Theo, are you gay too?" But I really already knew
the answer. I just didn't want to face it. "You should have done it first
with your brother before you did it with your best friend," Theo said.

 I tried to explain to him that I love him but sex was different. This
sounded like my talk with Costas all over again. I got out of bed, turned
on the computer and sat Theo down in front of it. I brought up that movie
clip and did the same thing to him that Costas did to me. I think it got
through to him and he understood why it wasn't just about sex. I turned off
the computer and climbed back into bed and talked with him for a while. He
hadn't done it with anybody. All he did was jerk off and look at pictures
the way Joey and I had.

He asked me if he could sleep with me tonight just once, now that I knew he
was gay. I told him that he could but I would not do anything with him. I
couldn't because I love Joey. He understood. He pulled down his underpants,
and I saw his little hard dick with just a few curls of dick hair around it
spring up as the elastic of his underwear got pulled past it. He climbed in
under the sheet with me and laid his head on my shoulder, I could feel his
little four or five inch dick throb and twitch against my hip.

"Dimi, I love you but I know that you cannot love me back and I understand
and I will love you just as much," he said as he started thrusting his
little hard dick again my hip.

 After a while, I could tell he was close to cumming. His breathes were
short and chopped, his arm across me had pulled my hip hard against his
dick. Then I felt him quiver, sigh, and relax as I felt his cum squirt onto
my hip. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips and he kissed me back.

"That's all I can do. I love Joey." He said that that was OK and that at
least now he had been with someone he loved when he jerked off against my
hip. Costas had taught me well; love between two people is very special and
should never be violated!