Date: Thu, 22 Mar 2012 18:51:33 -0400
From: Cy-kun <cysanonymouslyanonymousemail@gmail.com>
Subject: Oh Radio Tell Me Everything You Know Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Sex: This story has it, eventually. And it's between boys. If
that bothers you, or you don't like stories that don't jump into the sex
right away, then this probably isn't for you. Copyrighted material: Again,
this story has it. I don't own the copyrights, I don't pretend to, and this
is free so I can't get sued anyway. True stories: This is not based on one.

Introduction: New Xbox! Yay! New chapter! Yay! All is right with the
world. I just wanna say a quick thank you to everyone who's sent me emails
about the story so far. When I started writing this one I had the oh so
genius idea of trying to get most of it done before I started sending
chapters in, but it turns out that writing without any feedback is pretty
hard. Hearing what you guys like got me more motivated to write than I'd
been in months so, thank you. ^_^ Here's chapter 3. Enjoy!

	-Cy

-----------------------------------------

	The nurses office hadn't changed much since the last time I was
there. Same sterile white walls. Same uncomfortable, plastic chairs. Same
way too bright lights. Same pathetic examination table that looked almost
like something you'd find in a real hospital, except for the faded smiley
faces on the padding. Same smell of, for some unholy reason, peanuts.

	As I sat in the uncomfortable chair staring at the white walls
wishing the bright lights were dimmer while I waited to get called in to
sit on the exam table, I tried for the fifteenth time to find anything that
might even look like it was giving off a peanut smell, but I couldn't find
anything. This was definitely one of those "journey is more important than
the destination" things though, since it took my mind off the pain.

	"Hey Andy." Nurse Amy popped her head through the doorway of the
exam room, her ponytail bobbing every time she moved her head. "Sorry for
the wait." she said apologetically. "Hop up on the table and I'll be with
you in a sec."

	She disappeared around the corner after she saw me stand up. Ow! I
winced and rubbed my back. It really hurt, but I was actually pretty
lucky. Jarred only got one punch in on my mouth before I went down and
curled up so the rest of the blows landed on my back and right side. It was
impossible to move without my eyes tearing up and I wasn't really looking
forward to taking my shirt off in front of a mirror anytime soon, but at
least the bruising would be somewhere I could cover up with clothes. I
walked, slowly, into the exam room and gingerly climbed up on the table
while I waited for the nurse.

	Nurse Amy was the opposite of pretty much every single school nurse
stereotype. Young, blonde, and cheerful, she seemed to really care about
every kid who came into her office, whether you were sick or just needed an
Advil. And not only could she tell who was really sick and who was just
faking, but she could tell who was faking because they just wanted to skip
and who was faking because they were trying to escape something. More than
once I'd gone into her office with a "stomach ache" and she'd just give me
a sympathetic smile and ask me if I wanted to stay for a period or two to
see if I "got better" or if I thought I needed to go home, without even
bothering to check me. And then there were the times when I'd be there
barely a minute before she'd arch an all knowing eyebrow at me and say
"Andy get back to class, there are septic tanks less full of crap than you
are right now."

	So yeah, I liked Nurse Amy.

	Which was a good thing because I spent more time than most in the
nurses office and it'd completely suck if I had to deal with someone who I
couldn't stand.

	"So," Nurse Amy said as she walked into the exam room and closed
over the privacy curtain. There used to be a door but apparently after they
met Nurse Amy a few uptight and kinda perverted mothers started getting all
weird about their boys possibly being alone behind a door with her. After
everything that happened with the gym teachers the school didn't even
bother trying to fight them, just ripped off the door and put up a thin
sheet. "Ms Vasquez says there were a few boys beating on you?"

	Ms Vasquez was one of the Spanish teachers. She's the one who came
down the hall and chased off Jarred and his fan club. It's almost too bad
that she chased them off while she was too far away to see who they were,
but if they got in trouble even without me ratting them out it'd still
probably just make things worse for me anyway. She saw their jerseys though
and she promised me as she walked me to the nurses office that she'd talk
to Coach Williams about what happened, but I'd be less surprised if I
suddenly started turning into a girl every time I fell into cold water than
I'd be if he actually did something about it.

	"Yeah." I said, with no particular inflection.

	"And I guess I don't even have to ask if you're gonna tell anyone
who they were, right?" she asked with a resigned smile.

	"Nope." I said and looked away. With as screwed up as my defenses
are today there was actually a chance she might be able to convince me to
turn Jarred and his friends in this time. So looking in her eyes was the
last thing I wanted to do.

	She didn't press though. She knew by now that it was pointless so
she just sighed and said, "Alright. Can you lift your shirt? I need to
check the damage."

	I nodded and let my hair fall in front of my face before she
noticed the embarrassed blush. God I hate taking my shirt off in front of
people. It gets me on two fronts, the shyness and the feeling exposed
thing. Plus -and this might be a huge shock so if you have a heart
condition continue at your own risk- I have really low self esteem, so
exposing myself to judging eyes isn't even close to being my favorite
thing. Still, I'd been here often enough to know that if I didn't do it
she'd just roll her eyes and do it herself, which is SO much worse, so I
pulled the sleeve off my right arm and lifted my plain gray long sleeve
shirt up enough so my side and most of my back was exposed. I tried really
hard to pretend I was anywhere else but the sharp stabs of pain every time
she poked and prodded my tender parts made that pretty much impossible, so
I just sat there and took it.

	"Ok, done." she said and I pulled my shirt back down as fast as I
could. "Aside from some pretty nasty bruising you're fine." She
smiled. "You can go back to class, unless you're hurting anywhere else and
need to go home.....?" she trailed off and raised an eyebrow.

	If I was even a little bit interested in girls I'd have a crush on
her right now and not Owen, seriously. She was offering me a way out of
school when I needed it, again, and she barely even tried to hide it. If
there was ever a more awesome person to work at a school, I'll walk through
the halls naked screaming "Jarred loves the cock" at the top of my lungs.

	But, even though the offer was there, I wasn't gonna take it. I
only had about two more hours and those were in the detention hall so I'd
be safe. And even if I was in class, I really didn't wanna have to get sent
home for fighting the day after the great "You've Shamed Your Family"
speech so I probably would have stayed anyway.

	"No." I said. "Nothing else hurts."

	She studied me just long enough for me to start to get
uncomfortable, but before I started squirming she gave a small little shrug
and said, "Ok, I'll write you a pass then." She opened the curtains and
walked out of the room into her tiny office. I looked out and saw that we
were the only ones here. Thank god. The last thing I need is some sick -or
"sick"- kid staring at me right now with a "that's HIM" look in their
eyes. She came back less than thirty seconds later with a pad of late
passes and a pen in her hand. "What class do you have now?" she clicked the
pen.

	"Um, detention." I said awkwardly.

	She turned around and raised both eyebrows this time. "You? Got
detention?" I nodded behind my hair. "Why?"

	"I-I-" Crap. What can I say? I got in a fight with Jarred because I
was watching him play with himself in the shower? No way. For so many
reasons. I could just say I got in a fight....but she'd never believe that
I started a fight and I'd have to make something up and-

	Understanding flashed in her eyes. "Ohhh, is it because of the
thing in the showers?"

	"Um-um-" Oh shit! She knows! She knows about Jarred and the shower
and-and-and-....I think this is what a heart attack feels like. How many
other people know?! The answer hit me even before I finished thinking the
question. Oh god, they all know, don't they? The school nurse isn't exactly
in the middle of the gossip ring so if she knows than all the teachers
probably know. How am I ever gonna face them? Oh no! MR COLLINS must know
too! But....he didn't say anything to me in detention or act any
differently towards me so maybe he didn't.....or maybe he doesn't care? I
have no idea which would be better.

	A hand softly touching my arm brought me out of my thoughts with a
jump. My head shot up from where I was apparently staring at the floor and
I looked right into Nurse Amy's face, my hair falling back slightly from
mine. "Don't worry about it." she gave me a smile and a reassuring pat on
the arm. "I only know what happened because Jarred was yelling about it
when he got sent here after your fight. I doubt any of the other teachers
know, except Coach Williams-" her lip curled up like she bit into something
rotten when she said his name "-and nobody listens to him anyway. Your
secret's safe." she gave me another small pat on the arm and walked back
over to the table where she'd left the pass pad.

	I slumped in relief. Even though I knew by "secret" she meant "me
being gay" and that should have bothered me because I didn't actually DO
anything to out myself, I couldn't even care. I was just so glad that I
wasn't gonna have to worry about teachers, who mostly left me alone or
liked me, sort of, suddenly treating me like everyone else did. And I could
deal with Nurse Amy knowing since she didn't seem to have a problem with
it. I think the only thing that could have made me feel better than that
would be talking to Owen again. And GOD did I wanna talk to him again! Even
though it was a really Bad Idea, I couldn't think of a single thing right
then that I wanted to do more.

	Nurse Amy finished writing up the pass and turned back to me with a
mischievous gleam in her eye that made her look ten years younger and was
so out of place on any school employee that it actually managed to make me
forget about Owen for a few seconds. "You know," she said, almost
offhandedly. "I have a son about your age." I cocked my head, slightly
confused. That was....kinda out of nowhere. A small, knowing smile formed
on her lips. "He's pretty cute."

	My eyes widened and I think I forgot how to breathe. Was she...? Oh
fuck was she trying to....set me up with her SON?! I choked down all the
air I could -that's how breathing works, right?!- and jumped off the exam
table. Which hurt. Ow. "I-um-um-I-don't-uh-" I didn't know what to say, I
didn't even know what I was TRYING to say. This was like being in the
Twilight Zone-no, this was like if the Twilight Zone had a Twilight Zone
and THAT Twilight Zone had an Outer Limits and I was OUTSIDE the Outer
Limits.

	Nurse Amy quickly moved in front of the doorway before I could bolt
out. "Ok! Ok!" she said, raising her hands in a 'calm down' gesture. "I'm
sorry." she smiled reassuringly. "Forget I said anything." she held out the
pass to me. "Here, don't forget this."

	I took the pass without letting my eyes look anywhere near her face
and ran out the door the second she moved out of the way.




	Remember that tiny little bit of 'better than expected' I was
feeling before? Yeah, that's completely gone.

	The whole way back to detention I was filled with so many
conflicting feelings and thoughts, not to mention running through the halls
didn't exactly do my bruised body any favors, that the only thing they
could possibly add up to is "Andy's gonna have a stroke before he's 21". I
didn't even bother to be thankful that it was the middle of class so there
was no one in the halls to harass me, even though if I'd thought about it
running into somebody right now would be pretty damn expected with the way
today was going. And just because today hadn't kicked me in the face
enough, when I got back Mr Collins said that since I had a pass he wasn't
gonna give me an extra day of detention for staying out during lunch. So I
don't even get an extra day of safety as a reward for all the shit that's
happened!

	Fucking typical.

	Time had been passing either really slow or really fast all day so
it was kinda surprising that the last two hours of the day FELT like two
hours. I got the last of my work done and when the bell rang I had all my
stuff packed up and ready to go so I was the first one out the door. I
guess it's kinda sad that after having almost all day to think about it my
entire plan for avoiding getting the crap beat out of me -again- didn't get
any further than "get out of detention before anyone in there with you has
a chance to do anything", but whatever. I never said I was good at making
plans.

	I was in full stealth mode walking through the halls. Hair in front
of my face, slightly hunched, walking quickly, avoiding everyone. I even
added 'not taking sharp corners' to the list, which I probably should have
done years ago. Running into people is probably the best way to get
noticed, aside from shouting or getting naked or killing someone I
guess. It was all automatic though. Which was good because two hours in
detention didn't help me with even one of the annoyingly nagging thoughts
running through my head. Nurse Amy and Cheryl and Jarred and Simon and
Coach Williams and my dad and next week when I didn't have detention all
spun around in my head as I walked, but they all orbited around Owen.

	Owen.

	God I can't even think about him without fighting to keep a stupid
smile off my face! What the hell is so special about a voice on the radio
anyway? Yeah, it was easily the sexiest voice ever, not just the sexiest
voice I'd ever heard but literally the sexiest voice EVER, but so what? I'd
seen hot guys before. I'd heard sexy voices before. I'd had fantasies and
jerked off and thought about what having sex would be like, so this isn't
some late puberty, sexual awakening thing. So what the hell WAS it about
Owen? Yeah, he was nice but- well, yeah, he's nice. And that's it isn't it?
He was nice to me when he didn't need to be and my life is so sad that
something so small is enough to make me go all swoony. Except it wasn't
small. Not for me. For me it was pretty fucking huge and it made me let
someone in just a little bit for the first time since.....well, since I
started keeping people out. He drew me in with his voice and snared me with
his niceness.

	That voice...

	"-after school with Brian. He's sooo cute, don't you-"

	"-kissed his sister?! Dude that's so gay!-"

	"-wouldn't shut up about 'Team Edward' and 'Team Jacob' so I said,
'bitch, your ass is on Team Dumped!' and she-"

	"-build your company around a guy who doesn't know the difference
between an armbar and a hammerlock. Way to go Vince-"

	It was right then, when I realized that I was taking the long way
to my locker through halls I almost never go through because I was hoping
that I'd hear that voice and be able to catch a glimpse of the boy who
owned it, that I gave up.

	I can't fight myself and Cheryl and the memory of the way I felt
after talking to Owen. I'm just not that strong. So I'm officially done
fighting it. This stupid crush isn't going away and, you know what? After
the day I've had, I DESERVE to feel the way I did last night. I DESERVE to
talk to Owen and soak up that niceness, even if that's all it'll ever be.

	After deciding that, I actually started to feel better. All my
other problems were still there, but they weren't spinning anymore. They
didn't have anything to spin around. Owen was taken out of my 'problem'
category and put into a different one, a new one, one so new I didn't even
have a name for it yet. But he fit there. He fit there like it had been
made for him.

	I didn't notice my smile, or the way my walk stopped being so
slouched and defeated and started having just the tiniest bit of pep to it,
or the way my hair fell back just a little from my face. I walked through
the halls to my locker on autopilot, listening for Owen in the voices
around me. I didn't hear him, but as I emptied my overflowing bag into my
locker I thought that was probably a good thing. For the first time I was
feeling kinda in control when I thought of Owen and I knew if I saw him I'd
be the same stuttering, gooey, sappy mess that I was last night. So, yeah,
over the phone is probably the better idea. Which is something I NEVER
thought I'd say.

	It took me a second to realize that the tiny giggle I heard came
from me, but when I did I immediately upgraded it to a laugh and then
gig-laughed again. Wow, did that happy sound come from me? Yes. Yes it
did. I was gonna talk to Owen. Again. How could a few little things like
getting my ass kicked and having everyone hate me make me feel bad when I
had that to look forward to?





	The afternoon bus driver was way nicer than the morning one and
kept the comments to a minimum with threats of detention -if I was the kind
of person that believed in positive omens I sure as hell would have taken
that as one- so I had the entire ride back to plan for my second call to
Owen.

		This was gonna be different than last time. There wasn't
gonna be any awkwardness or hesitation or accidental blurting out my
embarrassing musical tastes. I was gonna be as entertaining and funny and
witty and cool as I could possibly be. And if a tiny voice in the back of
my head was saying that entertaining, cool, funny, witty people didn't need
to write down entire conversation possibilities in a notebook so he'd be
ready with the proper entertaining, cool, funny and/or witty response to
anything that might come up, well, I locked that away in a vault with
Jarred and Simon and Amanda and all the other things I wasn't gonna let
myself think about tonight. Tonight was about Owen and I'll be fucking
damned that if after an entire day of trying not to think about him I'll
let any of today's horribleness keep me from thinking about him when I
actually want to.

	The bus takes the same route to drop us off as it does to pick us
up so I was one of the last people to leave. It gave me plenty of time to
start planning out my call. By the time the bus pulled up to the stop by my
house I had a bunch of basic conversation possibilities and at least three
responses to each plus a two page list of acceptable songs to
request. Yeah, I got lucky with the whole Taylor/Avril thing but if there's
one thing I know about my luck it's that on the incredibly rare occasions
when it's actually good, it never lasts too long. I wanted Owen to like me,
not laugh at me for knowing the words to every Sugarland song. So I'm just
gonna assume that Owen picked the songs he played based on his own tastes
and fill my list with 90's rock and some mid to late late 2000's pop. I
thought about throwing in an Avril song but that was too obvious. I wanted
him to want to talk to me because we had things in common, not think I'm
some kind of weird stalker.....

	Oh god, AM I a stalker?

	Nope. Shoving that in the vault too.

	I got off the bus alone. Simon had one of his stupid football games
so he didn't ride the bus home with me and I took a few seconds to hope
that they lost the game and Jarred accidentally got the football shoved up
his ass during a tackle. Football's the one with tackles,
right?..... Whatever.

	It was Tuesday, which meant my mom had coaching after school and I
had to let myself in. Which was good. I was really on a roll with my Owen
plan and I didn't wanna have to risk my mom thinking I'd had enough of the
"avoid Andy so he thinks about what he did" treatment and mess up my train
of thought by talking to me. I went right up to my room, tossed my mostly
empty backpack on the floor by my bed and sat down at my desk to finish my
list. I talked to Owen last night a little after 6 and his show ended at 7
so I figured I'd turn the radio on at around 4 just in case his show was
longer than an hour. By the time my dad got home at 3:30 and came up to
tell me that I was still grounded from the dinner table tonight I had a
pretty decent list of things to say written down. I was actually getting
really excited. This was the first social situation in my whole LIFE that
I'd EVER been prepared for, maybe I could finally let some of the
personality I have around Cheryl and my family shine through for somebody
else. Maybe I can actually make a friend.

	But you don't wanna just be friends with him, do you Andy?

	No! Don't even think about that. Just, focus on making a friend
with the only person other than Cheryl that might actually give you a
chance. Don't ruin that by wanting more than you can get. Just put all
those thoughts in the vault and forget about them.

	Damn vault was suddenly very, very full.

	Luckily, I didn't need to worry about vault spillage for too
long. A ringing cell phone and Cheryl's name on the caller ID was a pretty
good distraction, and I jumped at it.

	"Hey Cheryl." I said.

	"You didn't call me." she said sharply.

	"You said 'after school', not 'right after-"

	"And what the hell am I hearing about Jarred sending you to the
nurses office?" she continued like I hadn't even spoken. "Is that true?
When did it happen?" she paused for a second. "And WHAT happened?"

	"It wasn't just Jarred." I said wearily and tried to get
comfortable in my chair. Might as well get settled in for a long
conversation that I don't want. Dammit, this is why I hate how gossipy high
school is! Nothing stays secret. Not that I wasn't gonna tell Cheryl about
it when I called -if I remembered because, yeah, fine, I forgot, sue me-
but there's a big difference between the "Oh poor Andy" I would have gotten
if I told her and the "I'm gonna tear the world apart because that's how I
deal with being scared and you fucking know that so I'm gonna kill you
first for not telling me" that I was getting now. "Simon and Kyle and a few
other football losers helped and I only got a few bruises, so it wasn't
that bad."

	Cheryl growled into the phone. "Dammit Andy! Why do you always act
like stuff like this isn't a big deal?"

	Oh joy. Old argument 21. I love this one....

	"Because it's NOT." I said firmly.

	"You are so full of shit." she snapped.

	I sighed, more than a little annoyed that my excitement about
talking to Owen was getting dimmed by this crap. I'm so not in the mood for
arguing right now. "Ok, yeah, I am. It sucks and I hate being everyone's
punching bag but you know what I hate even more?" I didn't even pause for
an answer. "I hate having you ALWAYS bringing it up. I'm happy for the
first time today and I really don't wanna bring all that crap home by
constantly talking about it, ok?"

	"Well then DO something about it!" she yelled.

	"Like what?" I yelled back. "Tell on them? Because that NEVER makes
it worse. Fight back? Because I'm just SO buff and strong, right?. What can
I do, Cheryl, that I haven't tried like a million times that's never
worked? If you have some brilliant idea, please, tell me!"

	"You can let me kick Jarred's ass like I should have done a long
time ago!"

	Aaaaand old argument 21 somehow remixes into old argument 34.

	"Because that won't make him just wanna kick my ass even more,
right?" The sarcasm was so thick you could cut it with a knife. "You'd have
better luck trying to make him fall in love with you and use the girlfriend
card to get him to leave me alone."

	"How'll we know if you never let me try-" she paused. "Did you just
say I should DATE Jarred?!"

	"No!" I yelled. "I just-"

	"Because that's seriously the GROSSEST thing anyone's ever said to
me. I mean, ew." I could almost see the shudder. "That's worse than dating
YOU."

	I rolled my eyes. "Oh no, my heart, it's all broken now." I
deadpanned.

	She burst out with a short, loud laugh that made me wince and pull
the phone away from my ear. "You know what I mean, dork." she said and just
like that, our fight was over. That's one of the best and most infuriating
things about Cheryl, how she can just start and end these things out of
nowhere.

	"Yeah I know." I said, happy to have it all over with so quickly.

	She sighed. "You know I just worry about you, right?"

	"I know." I smiled. "You're probably the only person who does and I
love you for it. Just, you can't fix everything for me, you know?"

	"I know and that's what gets me so pissed off." she said. "And it's
all your fault too you know. You're just too damn cute and hurt and
sometimes all I wanna do is grab you and protect you and keep anyone from
hurting you."

	I rolled my eyes again, but my smile widened. I'm a huge sucker for
affection sometimes. But still.... "You DO realize I'm not a puppy, right?"

	"Shut up." she laughed. "I'm trying to be serious here, sort of."
Her voice got softer. "I've never known anyone that needed a hero more than
you Andy, and I know you're just gonna do the whole 'guy thing' where you
say you can do anything on your own, but if it can't be me than you really
need to find one."

	Owen's -imagined- face popped into my mind and I shook that thought
off violently. I wanted Owen to be a FRIEND -ok more than that but I'm
settling for friend dammit!-, not come swooping in to save me from the
world. I'd gone most of my life without waiting for someone to come and
make everything magically all better and I'm sure as hell not gonna start
now. "Cheryl-" I started to protest but she cut me off almost before I got
all of her name out.

	"Anyway!" she said brightly, like we hadn't been just talking about
something serious. "Have you thought about calling your radio boy back?
Because you said you would.... Although if you can't even remember to call
me I doubt you remembered to do that either." she added snarkily.

	Ok. I can smell a subject change when I'm slapped across the face
with it. Maybe she was feeling a bit awkward about how that conversation
was going too. Or maybe she was not so subtly trying to hint about who her
imaginary 'hero' should be. Either way, talking about this was more likely
to get me back to the happy place I was in before so I'm kinda glad she
brought it up.

	"Actually," I said, drawing out the word teasingly. "That's kinda
why I forgot to call you."

	"Ha! So you did forget." she said smugly. I fought the urge to
growl. She can never resist the urge to gloat about being right. I wonder
if that's a girl thing or a Cheryl thing? "But I guess thinking about your
boooooooyfriend is a good enough excuse." she teased.

	"He's not-!" I blushed horribly and then I did growl, at myself for
acting like a stupid schoolgirl and at Cheryl for just having to be a bitch
about this. "I hate you sometimes." I grumbled.

	"Wow, two minutes ago you loved me now you hate me? Maybe I better
call up your boy and tell him how fickle you are."

	"No!" I yelled, suddenly very, very horrified. It would be JUST
like Cheryl to call up Owen's show and tell him exactly how I feel -or how
she thinks I feel- about him to 'help' me. I think I'd literally die of
humiliation if that happened. "You can't call him!" She started to say
something but I cut her off. "Seriously! You have to promise me
Cheryl. You're never gonna call him. Promise me!"

	"Okok!" she said. "I promise. God! I was just joking!"

	Joking? Yeah, just what I need today. More fucking joking. "What
the hell happened about wanting to 'protect' me and all that?" I asked,
annoyed. Mostly at myself for even asking. I guess I was still a little bit
too vulnerable after today to brush off Cheryl's teasing the way I usually
do.

	"That was from other people, not me." she said easily and I was
glad she wasn't gonna make a big thing out of me being upset enough to snap
at her. "Besides, we used to get our diapers changed together on the same
changing table. That pretty much means we aren't allowed to get mad at
anything we say to each other, right?"

	That was her subtle way of reminding me how close we were and
probably also an apology for not taking it easy on me after everything she
knew I went through today. "Yeah, I'm just really glad I can't remember
that." And that was my subtle way of accepting her apology and moving
on. If only everything could be that easy.

	"So, you're really gonna call him?" she asked after a few seconds
of mostly comfortable silence.

	"Yep." I said and for once I didn't have to fake the confidence in
my voice. "I've got a whole notebook filled with things to say and
everything." I said proudly.

	"A notebook?" she asked skeptically.

	"Yep." I answered.

	"Filled with things to say?"

	"Yep....what is there a problem with that?" I asked, worried now. I
mean, I thought it'd be easy. He'd say something and I'd find it in the
notebook and pick one of my responses. Nothing complicated, right? Maybe
she thought it'd take too long to find the right response?

	She sighed. "Andy....you don't need a notebook filled with things
to say. Seriously, just be yourself." Oh. THAT'S what she meant. "You're
never gonna attract him if you just read him your notes."

	"I'm not trying to attract him!" I yelled, wincing at how
incredibly defensive that sounded. "I'm just-I just want him to be a
friend, that's all. And being myself hasn't exactly made me Mr Popularity."

	She snorted, and even though she didn't mention it, I knew at least
part of that snort was for my 'just wanna be friends' remark. "Slinking
through the halls and hiding behind your hair isn't being yourself. I'm the
only one who ever gets to see the real you and, trust me, if more people
took the time you'd have a lot more friends."

	Even though she was just saying something I thought myself more
than a few dozen times, I still felt the need to argue. "I doubt-"

	"And," she cut me off. Again. Seriously that was starting to get
just a bit annoying. "From what you told me radio boy didn't seem to have
any problems with you being yourself last night."

	I flushed again, but this time it was because of how embarrassed I
was thinking about how lame I'd been last night. "Stuttering and being all
awkward isn't exactly being myself." I grumbled.

	"Oh Andy," she said almost pityingly, like she was about to reveal
some great, horrible truth. "Yes, it is. You've just never had anyone to be
stuttery and awkward around before."

	"That's not me." I said firmly. Cheryl of all people should know
that I'm the last person to get all swoony over somebody. "You know exactly
how not me that is."

	"Well it is now." she said bluntly. "So suck it up, be yourself and
go woo your boy."

	I groaned. "I'm NOT trying to woo him! And, seriously, woo? Who the
hell says that?"

	"We do." she said and I could tell by her tone that the word was
gonna be coming up a lot more in the future, more if I protested, so I just
sighed and went with it. "And you are so trying to woo him. You spent at
least an hour writing down things to say to make him like you and I'm
willing to bet that lunch money you don't owe me that most of them make you
look charming or smooth, right?"

	I didn't even bother trying to figure out how she could bet me
something I don't owe her and instead focused on the other thing. There was
no way I was trying to be charming or smooth. Just funny and entertaining
so he'll wanna be friends. "No, I just wrote...." I trailed off as my eyes
wandered over to my desk and caught a few of the things I'd written. They
widened in horror as what I wrote actually sunk in.

	Oh. My. God. A lot of these WERE charming and smooth! And some were
even borderline FLIRTING! Jesus! Did I seriously write down "I could listen
to you for hours"?! What the hell is wrong with me!?

	"I'm gonna guess that chokey, groany thing you're doing means I was
right?" she sounded too damn amused.

	"I-" I croaked. "I gotta go! I gotta fix this before his show comes
on!" I looked at the clock. Shit! It was already after 4! "I gotta go." I
said again.

	"Seriously, just be yourself."

	"Oh my god these are horrible!" I was completely ignoring her. "I
need to fix this."

	Cheryl was silent for a second, then she sighed. "Alright, go fix
your little notes. But this isn't gonna end well and I don't wanna see you
lose any chance you have with the first guy you-"

	"Alright, awesome! Thanks! Bye!" I barely even heard what she was
saying, only that it was probably safe to hang up without her calling right
back. I was too busy going through my notebook, crossing out the worst of
it and trying desperately to fill in the suddenly very blank response
options even as I was hanging up. I took the notebook over to my bed and
turned on the radio to check if Owen was on, but it was just some kid I
didn't know giving background info on a song by someone named Alecia Moore,
but he obviously had no idea what the hell he was talking about because
when he was done he just played some Pink song. Not that I really cared, I
only paid enough attention to listen for Owen's voice as I furiously tried
to fix my notebook.

	I was only interrupted once by my mom coming home and asking me if
I wanted baked or mashed potatoes with the steak they were cooking and
asking what happened to my lip. I told her I walked into the bathroom door
and she seemed to buy it easily enough, which if I wasn't too busy trying
to shoo her away so I could finish up I might have gotten a bit offended
at.

	It was almost 5:30 by the time I was done and I let the pen fall
out of my aching hand with a relieved sigh. There. Crisis avoided. God I
don't even wanna think about what would have happened if I read some of
that crap to him. How the hell did I ever think "I bet your eyes are
amazing" was a good way to respond to "You're still the only person who
called in"? There was none of that crap now though, it was all clean,
almost sterile, and it's a good thing I wasn't actually trying to....woo
him because I don't think there was a single charming or personality filled
anything written down.

	I leaned back on the pillows I had propped up on my headboard and
tried to relax. Since he wasn't already on I figured Owen started at 6 so
that gave me -I looked at the clock- about forty minutes to calm down and
prepare myself for the call. I needed the calm. Last time I was way too
nervous and spur-of-the-momenty. I needed to be calm and collected so I
could just read the notes and hopefully not make a total ass out of myself
again.

	It only took me thirty nine minutes to realize forty minutes wasn't
gonna be enough.

	I was so nervous and scared and as it got closer and closer to 6:00
my heart started beating faster and faster. Was I really gonna do this?
COULD I even do it? My phone phobia thing didn't just magically go away, in
fact I still have no IDEA how I was able to even call him up last
night. And wouldn't that just be the cruelest thing ever, to finally admit
that I want to talk to him, to actually look FORWARD to it, and then not be
able to force myself to pick up the stupid phone and dial the number.

	God, Cheryl was right. I really am broken.

	And then, right when I was about three seconds from cold sweats and
needing an empty bucket nearby 'just in case', right when I wished I could
PUNCH myself for not being able to just pick up a phone and dial a number
like normal people, I heard the voice I'd been waiting for all day.

	"It's six o'clock once again so welcome back to the all request
hour on WJHS, brought to you by Mike's Auto Parts. For all your Auto Parts
needs, come to Mike's Auto Parts." He sounded amused and I could just
picture the sexy smile and the eye roll he was probably giving over that
lame 'ad'. "If you wanna call in and request a song just dial-" he gave the
number "-and tell me what you wanna hear. The first song tonight is a
request from Amy and it's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen."

	I sighed, tried to ignore the goofy smile I could feel forming on
my lips, and sank back into my pillows, totally relaxed. The song started
to play and even though it was one of my favorites, I didn't even try to
pay attention. God! It felt so good to hear his voice again. It was like,
I'd had an itch that I'd been trying to scratch all day and I'd FINALLY
been able to reach it and get some relief. Hearing him was so soothing, a
hot shower that washed all the dirt of the day away, and I was enjoying it
so much I even forgot to yell at myself for being so stupidly sappy.

	Andy, you are SO fucked.

	But you know what? Right now, I don't really care. For the first
time since I woke up today I wasn't actually worried about anything, and if
the price I had to pay for that was being a total loser over a boy I've
never even seen, well, it was a small one. Honestly I didn't even think I
needed to call him up. I could just sit here and listen to him between
songs and I'd probably be smiling all night. In fact, that's actually
REALLY tempting. Hell, I'm already kinda dealing with being a hopeless pile
of sap, maybe I can just jump into the deep end of the crazy pool and go
right to having a fake, imaginary relationship with Owen in my head. It
would be SO much easier than actually trying to be friends with him and
maybe, if I could hear him on the radio for an hour each day, it'll be
enough.

	'Buuuuut,' a sing-song voice in my head that sounded way too much
like Cheryl suddenly cut into my thoughts 'if you call him up you get to
hear him say your name agaaaaaaain.'

	And that was more than enough to have me reaching for my phone.

	Wow I'm sad.

	I actually had the first two numbers dialed before I realized what
I was doing and forced myself to stop. Ok Andy, see, this is exactly what
we don't wanna do. This is why we spent all that time writing in the
notebook. You can't just go off half cocked and act like a shy seven year
old meeting a Jonas brother. Oh, and speaking of half cocked, ouch. I
adjusted the erection that I hadn't even realized was trying to Incredible
Hulk it's way out of my pants and took a few deep breaths.

	Ok. Ok. Good. Now, get the notebook.

	I pulled it into my lap.

	Open it up.

	I did.

	Another deep breath.

	I took four.

	Find your center.

	...what the hell does that mean?

	Dude, you're talking to yourself, so you should probably know that.

	I shook my head, clearing it of....me. Ok, yeah, I think I'm
ready. Or as ready as I can possibly be. I had my notebook, my phone and I
was as calm as I could possibly get.

	I dialed the number, only absently noticing that I had no problem
at all doing it.

	"Hey Andy!" It hadn't even rang twice before Owen answered the
phone and-wait, he said my name? He KNEW it was me?! I-....

	That's not in my notebook.

	There were FIVE different possible greetings that I had written
down but NONE of them even hinted at him just coming right out with my
name. I mean, 'hey' was there but there's a huge difference between 'hey'
and 'hey Andy'. Using my name made it so much more personal, so I couldn't
just give a generic response back, right? Plus....didn't he sound happy
when he said it? Great, that's a whole NEW set of problems! He was being
friendly, which means I need to be friendly too but I TOOK FRIENDLY OUT OF
THE NOTEBOOK! I couldn't even pick from another response column because
everything was just so damn sterile and neutral! Not even five SECONDS in
and the notebook is useless. This was a horrible idea! What the fuck was I
thinking?! A notebook with things to say? Really Andy? God! No wonder you
don't have friends! And how the hell did he know it was me anyway?!

	 Ok, I'm panicking.

	No fucking shit I'm panicking! This was even worse than yesterday!
At least yesterday I had an out. I wasn't 'hey Andy', I was 'hi thanks for
calling wanna make a request', I could have just hung up without saying
anything and that would have been it. But now, now he knew who I was, he
knew I was calling, and he'd know exactly who was hanging up on him. So I
can't do that. Which means I'm gonna have to say something. So.....SAY
SOMETHING IDIOT!

	But what do I say?! I need to be friendly back but I can't be too
friendly because I'm dangerously close to gushing like a girl already
so.....yeah that didn't help at all! Friendly but not too friendly? What
does that even mean?! Ok, ok, you did this last night Andy, you got BY this
part last night. Yeah, it's different now, but we can deal with it. Grow
your balls back and say hello.

	"Hel-" No! Too formal! Say 'hi' it sounds more casual! "-i. Hi."
Say his name but DO NOT SIGH! "Hi Owen." And just enough of the panic faded
for me to follow that up with "H-how did you know it was me?"

	"We have caller ID." he said, that wonderful melodic voice raising
and falling and turning a simple sentence into something that was almost
beautiful. Oh hell, did I really just think that? I'm so glad Cheryl can't
read my thoughts or I'd never live this down- wait, caller ID?

	"I'm not listed though." It was one of the things I drove my
parents crazy about when they got me my phone. Most kids would probably
obsess over getting 4G or a touchpad that doesn't completely suck, but the
only thing I cared about was making sure my number wasn't listed and that I
was on all of those lists that keep telemarketers from calling you. In an
age where kids can be driven to suicide because of people harassing them on
Facebook the last thing I needed was for it to be easy for anyone at my
school to find my cell number and, holy crap did I just get out a full
sentence without stuttering THIS soon in the conversation? Damn Andy, when
did you get super powers?

	"I know." he laughed and, god, I actually shivered at the
sound. "It shows up as 'unknown' but I recognized your number."

	He said it so casually, like it was no big deal at all, but I
couldn't stop the huge grin that practically split my face in two. He
recognized my number. OWEN recognized my number. AND he remembered my
name. He remembered ME! And he seemed HAPPY that I called back.

	My notebook sure as hell didn't have anything like THAT in it.

	It was so hard not to immediately jump to conclusions about what
that meant. The little Cheryl voice in my head was screaming and cackling
and telling me that I was fucking IN, but I ignored it. I didn't wanna get
my hopes up and then force myself to shove them back down again. I didn't
wanna yell at myself that I only wanted to be friends because that's all
we'd ever be, and even then I'd be lucky. I just wanted to.....savor
it. Just for a bit. Because nothing else that happens tonight is gonna be
as good as this. Guaranteed.

	"Cool." I said happily, then winced. And THAT'S why I wanted to
savor it. To get me through things like that. Jesus could I have possibly
sounded more like a 12 year old girl talking to her first crush?

	But, even though someone else -hell anyone else really-, would have
made fun of me or at least called me out on it Owen didn't say
anything. Either he was ignoring it or he was completely oblivious to the
tone. I hoped for the obliviousness one but I wouldn't really mind all that
much if he was just ignoring it. Just another example of how damn nice he
is.

	"Hang on," he said. "I gotta play another song." he paused for a
second. "Don't hang up, kay?"

	Just like last time he was worried about me bolting the second he
-figuratively- turned his back and just like last time it made me feel
good. The Cheryl voice REALLY wanted to read way too much into that but I
kicked in it's nuts -yeah I know. Girl voice. Nuts. But, hell, I wouldn't
really be surprised if the REAL Cheryl had a pair hanging off her somewhere
so it's not that insane- and got it to shut up so I could enjoy listening
to him talk over the radio.

	"Next up is a request from Jason, it's 'Smile' by Uncle Kracker."
The song started to play and I heard a click. "You still there?" he asked
over the phone.

	"Yeah I'm here." I answered, but thankfully stopped before I could
add the 'there's nowhere else I'd rather be' that wanted to come out. That
would have just been too -what? Sad? Sappy? Lame? Desperate?- much.

	"Cool." he said and was it my imagination or did he seem a little
quieter than before? "You know, I'm really glad you called back."

	I blinked, then frowned. That....he couldn't have actually just
said that, could he? Maybe I really am crazy. Maybe I actually did go
through with the whole 'relationship in my head' thing and I'm gonna snap
back to reality and find myself strapped to a bed in some hospital drugged
up to my ass. Because if he really did say that then that means....it
means.....that you're still the only person that called into the show,
dumbass. God Andy! You need to start looking at what he says like a normal
person would instead of through the filter of this crush you have on
him. Now, pretend you're normal RIGHT NOW and say something that a sane
person would say. "I g-guess I'm still the only person that called in?" I'd
complain about the stutter coming back, but I'm just glad that I managed to
keep disappointment out of my voice.

	"No, actually a few people called in after you got off yesterday."
I was so shocked that I forgot to get all flustered at Owen saying 'you got
off'. Then why is he- "You're just more interesting to talk to. Everyone
else just said what they wanted me to play and hung up." Again with saying
something so casually that makes me smile. "Plus, you've got much better
taste in music." he said with a tiny teasing lilt to his voice. But not
like 'making fun of Andy' teasing, more like 'we've got a secret that I'm
hinting at' teasing. Guess we can add 'makes my heart beat faster' to that
smile thing.

	Do not sigh. Do not sigh. Do not sigh. "Ohhhh." Ok, technically not
a sigh if I say something else, so, "What did everyone else request?"

	Wow Andy, that was a good question that actually fit the
conversation. Who are you and what have you done with me?

	"You didn't listen to the rest of the show?" Again, so casual,
maybe even the slightest bit teasing, but this time it didn't make me
fluttery or grinny, it just made me worry that he might not understand
how.....um, ok fine, obsessed I was over him. And yeah I know, total
contradiction from everything I said before, but, he's Owen. He makes me
weird. Plus that Cheryl voice was getting a lot harder to ignore after the
'you're interesting to talk to' line.

	"No!" I shouted, winced, and lowered my voice. "I just-" What?
Wasn't paying attention to the music because I was too busy daydreaming
about your voice? Yeah that'll go over really well. 'You never know until
you try', the Cheryl voice piped up. Quiet you. "-don't really remember
EVERY song that you played." Hm, decent save.

	Owen laughed again and I shivered again. Three or four thousand
more times and maybe I'll build up a tolerance-oh, he's talking. Time to
listen now Andy. "You must have a really bad memory then, I STILL can't get
the 'lyrics'-" My god that voice was even sexy when it was injecting more
musically elitist snobbery into a word than any three M.I.A. loving
hipsters could pull off. "-to those Justin Beiber 'songs'-" Wow, who knew
condescension could be so hot? "-out of my head. Blehck!"

	I laughed. I mean, really laughed. Not a nervous laugh or a swoony
giggle but a totally carefree, joyful laugh. It felt amazing. What the hell
was it about horrible days that make it so surprising that you can still
laugh? It was met with silence though, and I started to worry that maybe I
did something wrong. Did he-oh god did he think I was laughing AT him? I
let a few more seconds pass, hoping he'd say something, before I said
anything. Thankfully I had just enough self control to keep from blurting
out the frantic, crazy person apology that I wanted to. "W-what's wrong?"

	"Um," he sounded....startled? "Nothing. Sorry, got distracted for a
sec." Ok, odd but he didn't seem at all mad or insulted so I'm just gonna
not question it and be glad. "So," and just like that he was back to
normal. All smooth haziness and seductive lilting. "What do you wanna hear
tonight?"

	Another stupid girly sigh. But, come on did you HEAR how he asked
me? He didn't just ask me to request a song he asked me what I wanted to
hear. Like he WANTED to play something for me, like we were alone somewhere
together and he wanted to make me happy-ok, I've officially disgusted
myself. Does everyone get this, this, horribly pathetic when they get a
crush? If so then why the hell do people look for this
whatever-the-hell-it-is in the first place?

	Because it feels really, really good. That's why.

	It feels so good to just have that tiny little possibility that if
all that lovey mushy stuff was real that I might have a shot at it. And I
so very much wished it was real. I wanted Owen to be that for me in the
worst way. It wasn't logical and it didn't make any sense and I HATED how
just hearing his voice makes me act like everything I've ever laughed at
but, dammit, I still wanted. I wanted Owen to make me smile, I wanted him
to make me laugh, I wanted him to look at me the way I tried to pretend I
didn't imagine him looking at me in my thoughts, I wanted him to talk to me
in that voice for hours and hours until his throat was too dry to say
anything and -god damn you Cheryl for even putting this in my head- I
wanted him to protect me from the world.

	"'Holding Out For a Hero' by Bonnie Tyler." Do I ever have to say
that wasn't on my 'approved' list? Seriously, damn you Cheryl. That's twice
now you've screwed up my filter and I swear to god if he laughs at me-

	"See?" Owen said, like he'd just proven a point. "Told you you had
good taste."

	-Cheryl, I might actually kiss you.

	I did the grinny, swoony, fluttery, melty thing again and just
fucking SOAKED that one up. "Glad you think so." Understatement of the
fucking year.

	I must have somehow kept my voice even enough that he didn't hear
how totally and completely happy he'd just made me because he just laughed
again. And, even though it should go without saying by now, I shivered. I
was glad he took what I said as a joke, even if the tiny Cheryl voice was
growling that this could have been our first 'moment'. Somehow between last
night and now I gained the superpower of being able to get a compliment
from Owen without it completely killing my ability to form a sentence, but
I wasn't anywhere near ready for him to even get a hint about how I felt
about him. Hell, I could barely figure out how I felt about him. Being
ready to tell him would probably take five years and more therapy than I
even wanna think about.

	But I could definitely enjoy the hell out of making him laugh.

	"I gotta clear the line." he said. I thought I might have heard
regret again but, no, don't even start down that road Andy. Even IF he
didn't wanna get off the call with you it's only because you're more
interesting than a couple of Justin Beiber fans. It doesn't mean he's madly
in like with you or anything like that. You're the one with the crush here,
not him. And please try and keep the lost-puppyness out of your voice,
remember you don't want him to know. For now.

	You know what the scariest thing about that last thought is? I have
no idea if that 'for now' was the Cheryl voice or not.

	"Alright." I said softly. It was a good soft. Just a tiniest bit
reluctant to leave but without any of the whine that so very badly wanted
to come out. I'm actually getting pretty good at this 'talking to Owen'
thing.

	"Call back again soon, ok?" Oh happy, happy sigh. That I'm holding
in.

	"I will." I promised.

	"Cool." I wonder if he grins when his voice gets all upbeat like
that? Or maybe he's too cool for grinning and it's just a smirk or a
half-oh, it's my turn to talk again, isn't it?

	"Bye." I said, and wanted to slap myself for ending the call even
though there was literally nothing else I could have said that wouldn't
have screamed 'I'm just stalling so I can keep hearing you talk to me'.

	"See ya." he said casually. A second later I heard the click,
dropped my phone and lunged at the radio. I turned it up as loud as it
would go, then winced and turned it down a bit when I remembered just how
freaking loud it could get. I didn't wanna miss a second of his dedication.

	"Our next song is a classic requested by Andy, 'Holding Out For a
Hero' by Bonnie Tyler."

	Is it possible to smile and frown at the same time? I loved hearing
him say my name, I'm in serious danger of getting addicted to it actually,
but I was still a bit disappointed. His dedication seemed more personal
last night. It fit the mood and made me feel great and it was
just....perfect. Tonight it seemed more like every other dedication I'd
heard him give. Part of me wanted so badly to be disappointed and to grab
onto that disappointment with both hands and use it as proof that he really
didn't care about me. That all he was doing was being nice so I'd keep
calling back, that he probably did that with everybody that called in to
keep them calling back because, hey you can't have a good request show if
no one requests anything can you? That part wanted to reinforce the walls
and use this as an example of why you don't even think about letting
someone in.

	But, for the first time ever, an even bigger part of me wanted to
just....ignore it. Yeah, what he said yesterday was a lot better, but that
doesn't mean the conversation we had tonight never happened. I have
defenses for very good reasons but part of those defenses is recognizing
when someones fucking with me and when they aren't. There was never a
second in either conversation with Owen where I thought he was anything
less than totally honest. And, yeah, arguments can be made that I'm not
really good at the whole 'thinking' thing when I'm talking to him but after
so many years of, well, being me I don't really need to think about it
anymore. It's instinct. And my instinct says Owen isn't a douchebag. So,
I'm just gonna do what I did last night and enjoy how he made me feel
without over analyzing it. Except this time I'm not gonna write it off as a
one time thing.

	I'm gonna look forward to doing it again tomorrow.

	I laid back on my bed and locked my fingers behind my head. I
smiled to myself as I listened to the song.

	Maybe Cheryl was onto something. It might be nice to have my own
personal hero. Someone to just be there for me and stand between me and
everyone that takes so much pleasure in hurting me. I could never let
Cheryl do that. I have very little pride but I'm not gonna just throw away
the bit I do have and hide behind a girl my whole life. Even if that girl
could probably put Chuck Norris in the hospital. But maybe if I had another
guy to hide behind it might not be that bad. It would be nice to feel
protected and not have to worry about feeling like even more of a wuss than
I normally do.

	Or maybe I'm just getting too wrapped up in the song and my
giddiness from talking to Owen.

	 The song ended and another played, then another and another. Owen
talked between all of them and I couldn't help smiling every time I heard
his voice. I was even getting used to that stupid, wonderful,
fluttery-swoony feeling I got in my chest. Or maybe I just stopped fighting
it. It was a nice feeling and not much makes me feel nice these days, so
why should I? I'll just enjoy it for now and worry about what's gonna
happen later on......later on.

	I was content.

	"This one is a request from Cheryl and it's 'The One That Got Away'
by Katy Perry."

	I barely even registered what he said at first. I was too busy
enjoying his voice. But when the song started and I actually started
listening to the lyrics I started to frown slightly. A song about an old
person regretting letting the best guy they were ever with go. Requested by
Cheryl. A song that was almost exactly what Cheryl was telling me earlier
today when she was trying to get me to call Owen back. Requested by
Cheryl. A song......requested by Cheryl.

	Dear sweet Jesus. She talked to him.

	She promised she wouldn't.....and then she TALKED to him.

	There's a word that starts with 'P' that I'm supposed to be feeling
but I don't know if it's 'panicked' or 'pissed'. She promised, she fucking
PROMISED that she wouldn't call him! But what did she say to him? Did she
just request the song or did she say anything about me? My heart sank. I
knew Cheryl way too well to hope that she didn't say anything about
me. She'd think she was doing me a favor. Just like requesting that song
was supposed to make me think about what would happen if I didn't woo
Owen. She was just trying to help.

	Fucking meddling meddler!

	Is it so hard just to leave things alone?! Ok, ok, calm down. You
don't even know what she said. So....call her up and ask. But...I'll miss
the rest of Owen's show. Dammit why did she have to do this!? Ok calmness,
remember? I didn't wanna be calm though. I wanted to yell and throw things
and cry. If she told Owen that I like him I'll never be able to talk to him
again. Ever.

	I started to hyperventilate as I thought about him finding out. I'm
so not ready for that. Oh my god! Why couldn't she just leave it alone? Why
did I EVER tell her about Owen? Shit, I'm freaking the fuck out. I need to
call her. Just then Owen said something in that wonderful voice of his and
I closed my eyes and smiled.

	After the show. I'll call after the show.

	Turns out I didn't even need to.

	The second the show ended my phone started to ring. I looked at the
screen and saw Cheryl's name pop up. The panic came back for a second, the
tentative calm Owen's voice gave me shattered in an instant, but then I
remembered that I needed to know what she said so maybe I should do that
instead of scream incoherently like I was about to.

	I answered. "Cheryl what the-"

	"Oh. My. God. You weren't kidding about his voice, were you?" she
cut me off.

	I tried again. "Cher-"

	"It's so sexy! I can see why you're all gushy over him."

	"Che-"

	"I mean, the way he sounds like he has a dirty secret to tell you
when he-"

	"CHERYL!" I yelled, cutting HER off for once. "What the HELL did
you say to him?!"

	"Huh?" she seemed legitimately confused.

	"When you called him! What did you say? Tell me now! Right now
Cheryl!"

	"I didn't-"

	"Did you tell him I liked him? Did you?! Oh god please tell me you
didn't. Did you? Tell me you didn't. Did you? Answer me!"

	"I will if you let me talk! God!" she huffed. Then didn't say
anything.

	"Well, talk!" I yelled frantically.

	"No! I didn't tell him you liked him." she sounded slightly
annoyed. "I just requested the song."

	I let out a relieved sigh and felt my whole body relax as I
collapsed onto the bed. "Thank god." I breathed.

	"You're a mess dude, really." she said.

	"I'm not a mess. I'm just.....not ready for him to know yet."

	She sighed. "Andy you-wait, yet? You're not ready YET?" she sounded
excited. "You mean you're gonna tell him?"

	"I-" I broke off and frowned thoughtfully. IS that what I meant? I
knew I wanted to talk to him again and I'm pretty sure I admitted to myself
that I wasn't gonna be happy with just friendship, but did I ever actually
think that I wanted him to know? My mind flashed back to that 'for now'
that may or may not have been in the Cheryl voice. Maybe I did. And isn't
that just terrifying? I definitely needed to think about it more. No
decisions now. Just get used to talking to him before you start...doing
things that can't be undone. "I dunno. But!" I cut her off before she could
say anything. "If I DO then I'll do it when I'm ready. Not when you think I
should."

	"But-"

	I cut her off again. "I just....this is all really new to me. Let
me figure it out on my own, ok? Please?" She wasn't here to get the puppy
eyes so I put a little extra whine in my voice. I may hate being called
'cute' but I guess I'm not above using it to avoid talking about something.

	Cheryl was silent for a few seconds. "Fine." she grumbled. "But if
you don't I'm gonna go after him myself. His voice Andy! God! So sexy."

	Even though I was relieved she was dropping it -twice in one day no
less- I still barely suppressed a growl. "No, you're not. And don't you
have Brandon anyway? Or did he already shoot you down for being a girl?" I
asked sarcastically. I knew she was just messing with me but it still
pissed me off thinking about her going after Owen. She wouldn't nearly have
half the problems I would with it. She's not shy or awkward about going
after what she wants. And even if she was she wouldn't get made fun of or
possibly punched in the face for even hinting that she liked him. Girls are
supposed to like boys after all. Great, now I get to add 'whining about how
unfair the world is to gays' to all the other crap running around in my
head. Fun.

	"You know I'm kidding." she said in a tone that somehow made it
seem like I was the jerk for responding with anything other than a laugh. I
hate when people do that. "And no, Brandon didn't shoot me down. We have a
date this weekend actually."

	I snorted. Ok, this conversation suddenly got fun. "Does he know?"
I wouldn't be surprised if Cheryl found out where he lived and just showed
up at his door and demanded he take them on their 'date'.

	"Of course he knows." I could just picture the eye roll. "He's
picking me up on Saturday."

	Ok, never mind. Not fun. Confusing. Very, very
confusing. "He....what?" I blinked rapidly. "He AGREED to go on a date with
you?!"

	"Nope." she said cheerfully.

	I pressed the palm that wasn't holding my phone against the side of
my head and rubbed. Maybe that'll keep the headaches away. "So he's not
going on a date with you?"

	"I just told you he was." she said patiently.

	"No, you just told me he DIDN'T say he was."

	"No, I said he didn't agree."

	"He can't take you out unless he agrees!"

	"Yes he can." she said smugly.

	"How?!"

	"I rape dated him."

	What. The. Fuck. "You....you RAPED him?!" I yelled, then
cringed. God, if there was ever something I didn't want my parents to hear
me yelling.....

	"No!" she yelled back. "I rape dated him!"

	"What the hell does that even mean?"

	She let out an exasperated sigh. "Non consensual dating." And then
before I could ask since that didn't explain ANYTHING she added, "Like date
rape, but about the date not the sex. I told him he was gonna take me out
on Saturday and if he didn't I'd kick his ass. So now we have a date." She
sounded way too proud of that.

	I had no idea what to say. "I...please tell me you aren't planning
on forcing him to have sex with you." I begged.

	"No!" She let out a disgusted snort. "God if I wanted to lose my
virginity to a gay guy I'd have sex with you."

	Ok. Ew. Very, very ew. Very, very, extremel-wait a
second... "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

	Cheryl burst out laughing. "Of course I'm fucking with you!" she
laughed again.

	"Dammit Cheryl!" I growled and hoped it masked my relieved
sigh. One of these days I'm gonna figure out how she decides when I need
'protection' and when it's ok to torture me.

	"Hey, you deserved it. Maybe it'll teach you not to use your
cuteness like that." she said. "All I wanna do is help you."

	Ok, she is NOT making me feel bad about not wanting her to meddle
in my life. "Whatever." I grumbled. "I'm just glad you weren't serious."

	"Well," she said, slightly hesitantly. "I was half serious
actually."

	I tensed up. None of what she said was good but... "Please tell me
you weren't serious about the sex with me thing." I pleased softly.

	"Of course I wasn't serious about that!" she sounded a bit
offended. "God! That would be like doing my brother or a nephew or
something. Never in a million years. Gross!"

	My mind immediately shot back to a certain incident two summers ago
that I could have brought up, but I pushed that thought away. No need to
relive embarrassment and weirdness when I probably have a lot of that in my
future to look forward to. "And....Brandon?" I asked, scared of what she'd
say.

	"I was serious about him."

	I winced to myself. "Really? You're..." God I couldn't even say it.

	"Rape dating him. Yep." she said easily.

	I groaned. "God, why? He's gay!"

	"Because he's hot and I wanna date him and I don't need to worry
about breaking his arm because he got grabby."

	If you can ask yourself if you're insane, that automatically means
you're not, right? Because that almost made sense to me, and now I'm
worried. But.....hm, this could be a teachable moment here, now that I
think about it. Maybe if I show that I trust her to make decisions for
herself she'll do the same for me. Yeah, that could definitely
work. "Ok. I'm not gonna get involved. You know what you're doing." I said
with as much honesty as I could.

	"Yep." she said. "I do. That's why you should listen to me."

	Or it could just completely backfire. I groaned. "I'm just gonna
go."

	Cheryl laughed. "Oh fine you big baby. Run away. But the second I
see you on Monday I'm telling you how my date went."

	"I wish you wouldn't."

	"I bet I can get him to kiss me." she said thoughtfully, ignoring
me as usual.

	"Goodbye." I said forcefully.

	"Wait!" she shouted.

	I braced myself. "What?" I asked hesitantly.

	"You buying lunch again tomorrow?"

	"Um, yeah."

	"Cool. I'll meet you by detention and walk with you ok? That way we
can talk and it won't make you late getting back again."

	She was trying to be subtle, but I knew what she really meant was
'I'll walk with you to make sure Jarred and his friends don't kick your ass
again'. I smiled despite myself. She makes fun of me to my face, calls me a
baby, but still tries to look out for me AND tries to hide the fact because
she knows I hate it. I should be annoyed, but I was secretly glad. I wasn't
looking forward to darting through the halls from detention to lunch like a
mouse trying to avoid a circling hawk. This way would be much easier. On my
nerves if not my pride.

	"Sure." I said easily. I didn't wanna let on that I knew what she
was doing, even though I'm pretty sure she knew I did. She might take that
as an excuse to TALK about it and that would be just a bit too much for me
to take. "See you tomorrow."

	"See ya Andy. Oh! One more thing?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Holding Out For a Hero?" she asked knowingly.

	I flushed. "GoodBYE." I growled.

	I hung up to the sound of her gleeful laughter.

	And that's pretty much how the rest of the week went. Cheryl walked
me to lunch everyday, although I couldn't tell you what we talked about,
aside from a few mumbled excuses for why we were taking a different route
every time. I spent the entire walk listening to the conversations around
me, hoping to hear Owens voice. But I never did. I'm pretty sure she caught
on to what I was doing by the end of the week. She didn't say anything and
she still talked to me but instead of slapping my shoulder and asking if I
was listening to her she just kept on talking with an amused little smirk
on her face. She even started suggesting new routes to take.

	I only saw Jarred once, from a distance and from behind, and I
didn't see any of his friends except Simon. He'd started to walk over to me
with his usual smirk until he saw Cheryl then he hesitated, stopped and
apparently forgot that he left something in a locker because he suddenly
walked over to one and started fiddling very intently with the lock. When
the person who's locker it actually was came over and asked him what the
hell he was doing, I couldn't hold back a laugh. At least we were too far
away for him to hear.

	So lunch was ok, but before and after detention was pretty bad. I
may not have seen much of Jarred or his lackeys but they were never the
only ones to make fun of me, just the most consistent. I tried to tune out
as many of the "fag" comments as I could like I used to, but they still got
to me. I dunno if it was my feelings about Owen making my walls weaker than
they ever were or if it was because now the "fag" and "homo" and
"cocksucker" slurs were filled with knowing smugness instead of just
ridicule, but every one cut me just a little bit. Made me shrink in on
myself just a little bit more. Made me hide a little bit more behind my
hair. I wondered if it would be better or worse if I wasn't actually gay. I
wasn't the only one watching Jarred so it wasn't fair either way, but if I
was straight I wonder if I'd just laugh to myself about how stupid everyone
was being or if it'd make me wanna scream even more because it wasn't true?

	Guess we'll never know.

	As bad as being in school could get though, my nights were the
total opposite. I was still being "punished" by not being allowed to eat at
the dinner table so I was pretty much left alone aside from the usual "hi,
we're home, how was your day?" stuff and "here's your dinner". It was
peaceful. I'd walk in my room and it was like there was a force field at
the door that just zapped the crap of the day off my body. I'd turn on the
radio or read a book and just relax and enjoy having solid walls between me
the rest of the world.

	The thing that soothed me the most though was Owen.

	I called into his show everyday and everyday he seemed happy to
hear from me. He even started joking that I was his "first fan" and it was
a freaking miracle that my mom didn't have to clean up the pile of goo THAT
comment turned me into. Of course, barely stopping myself from saying "I
love the idea of being your first" turned me back into a Andy-shaped pile
of embarrassment pretty fast. Despite that, and probably at least two dozen
things like that, I actually did get better at talking to him. I even joked
back now and then.

	I never once hinted that I had any feelings though, which
frustrated Cheryl. Both of them really, since the stupid Cheryl voice
decided to start renting out space in my head. But I felt like I was slowly
getting closer to him. We never talked for more than ten minutes at the
most, but I started to learn a bit about him. He was really into music,
obviously, but he liked a lot of different types. Rock, pop, country,
metal, 80's, 90's, 2000's, some rap, some tencho, -or house or electronica
or dubstep or whatever the hell it's called this week- and a bit of
classical. Really the only things he didn't like were stuff from the 60's
and 70's and Disney pop, but what he didn't like he HATED, and wasn't shy
about it. Which was still really hot by the way.

	I even learned a few, tiny details about his life. It's not like we
ever had any deep, personal conversations but offhand comments and stuff
like that add up over even a short amount of time. I knew he had a dog ("I
love that song, but my dog goes nuts every time I play it"), his parents
were divorced ("My dad used to hate that song but since he left mom lets me
play it as loud as I want. I think that's what they call 'passive
aggressive' isn't it?") and he has at least enough friends to make it
plural ("I like you dude, you always pick such awesome songs. All my
friends just like rock or rap, they don't have the range you do. It's
really cool. You having range, not them liking rock and rap" Laugh).

	I was smiling like a melty idiot all night from that one.

	And then the week was over. It was a relief walking out of school
on Friday, I felt like I'd survived a war or something dramatic like
that. My Friday conversation with Owen was the best we'd ever had -it was
the one where he said he liked me AND I made him laugh FOUR times- and I
went to bed happier than I had in a really long time.

	I only had the weekend between me and going back to school full
time but I wasn't nearly as scared about that as I probably should have
been. I didn't think about Jarred or Simon or Kyle or any of the things
people had said to me. I didn't think about gym or Coach Williams or all
the times during the day I'd be away from teachers and vulnerable. All I
thought about was Owen. His voice, his laugh, the way he was always nice to
me, how I felt about him, how I WANTED to feel about him, how I was
starting to think there might not be much of a difference between those
two. I might have even had a few embarrassing daydreams that may or may not
have included a white picket/barbed wire/laser fence that would keep
everyone away and a dog and coffee in the morning and kisses goodnight, but
if I did then I'm sure as hell never gonna mention it. To anybody. So don't
even ask.

	I thought about how he said he liked me.

	I knew he didn't mean it the way I I wanted him to, but it was
enough. He LIKED me. And he SAID IT. Nothing could bring me down from how
that made me feel. Yeah, everyone at school hated me and yeah, I was pretty
sure there wasn't a single sports team that didn't wanna collectively kick
my ass but, so what? I liked Owen and he liked me back.

	In a world where that can happen, what could possibly go wrong?

----------------------------------------

	https://twitter.com/#!/Captain_Cy_kun   Shoved it down here this time. lol.