Date: Sun, 10 Apr 2005 19:48:59 +0200
From: citizen citizen <citizentoo@hotmail.com>
Subject: "on our way to fame" chapter 12

The following story is entirely a work of fiction.

The story below is a love story and involves sex between adult males. If
that offends you, I wonder how you ended up here! All the usual rules apply,
if it's illegal for you to read this, don't, and if you're under 18, I
suppose it's time for you to leave unfortunately.
Again, my first language is not English, so if you see any mistakes, ignore
them or correct me if you want lol

Well, I did it again! This chapter is longer than the one before! I almost
broke it in two parts but then realized it wouldn't make a big difference.
Someone is gonna have to stop me here though, or god knows how long my final
chapter is going to be! lol

Sorry it takes me so long to write a new chapter lately but I have very,
very little time to spend on the story. I'll try not to stop writing but
it's just hard to find time. But hopefully, this chapter should keep you
busy for a while!

Chapter 12
--------

The day after my birthday, I woke up around 9am, because Lucas was calling
me and crying in his bed. Rob and I had fallen asleep around 7 in the
morning, after a long, hot, passionate but exhausting lovemaking session and
so I had trouble waking up.
I rubbed my eyes, got up, put a pair of pajamas bottoms on and headed
sleepily toward his bedroom.
I opened his door to see him standing up in his bed, tears in his eyes. He
usually woke up naturally around 8.30 so he had probably been waiting in his
bed for a while and got tired of it.

"oh sorry, lucky, no one heard you" I said caressing his head and picking
him up.
I always called him Lucky because I liked that nickname. It was close to his
real name, and he -was- lucky. He was almost never born. If his parents
hadn't been stupid enough to get completely drunk and screw like bunnies
against a bedroom wall, he would not be here.
Man, sometimes, what you think is the worst mistake of your life turns out
to be the best, most amazing thing you've ever done.

He rested his head on my shoulder and kind of cuddled up to me and I rubbed
his back for a few seconds. He was very affectionate, always cuddling and
kissing everyone. He was just so adorable. He had the cutest face, fair
hair, but so did I when I was his age so I was pretty sure his hair would
get darker and his eyes were the exact same shade of blue as mine. He had
deep, expressive blue-grey eyes.

He wasn't shy or withdrawn at all and well, since he had 7 people to take
care of him, he was used to getting a lot of attention. He was closer to me,
Rachel and Rob, but he was also very affectionate with the guys, and even
people he didn't know actually. As long as he had someone's attention, he
was happy.
Rob was his godfather by the way. His godmother was Elaine. Rach and her
were really close. She wanted her sister to be his godmother but decided to
ask Elaine because she spent much more time with Lucas than her sister. I
just hoped Dylan and Elaine were not going to break up, but they seemed to
be truly in love

I laid Lucas down on the changing table and started changing him as Rachel
entered the bedroom

"hey, morning" I told her "I got it, go back to bed if you want"

"oh ok I'm not gonna argue with that" she said sleepily and smiled. She gave
a kiss to Lucas while I changed him and talked to him and smiled again but
not really looking at him, just kind of lost in her own little world

"oh my God you're glowing" I said staring at her and she met my gaze but
looked away quickly "You slept with him!" I exclaimed, talking about David

She shook her head slightly, not sure how to respond, "I don't know what
you're talking about" she denied

"oh I think you do! I cannot believe you put out on the first date. And that
wasn't even a date" I laughed "Is he still here?" I asked curiously

She looked at me, and slowly nodded yes, smiling shyly

"How was he?" I asked slyly

She smiled and looked away again, nowhere in particular "I am so not having
this conversation with you"

I was done changing Lucas and he sat up on the changing table "don't listen
to this" I joked putting my hands over his ears

"come on, give me something"

"Mark, seriously, drop it" she begged, but not convincingly enough for me to
actually drop it.

"Man, you didn't waste anytime, did you!" I laughed

"hey, it's not like I -just- met him ... and I was sexually frustrated" she
laughed "not everybody has sex ten times a day"

I looked at her, with an expression that said, "you're exaggerating"

"just three times yesterday" I told her as if I thought it wasn't enough and
smiled.

"I know, I heard" she said with a laugh

"what? really?" I asked, shocked and looking at her seriously

"no!" she laughed "but you should have seen the look on your face"

I smiled and shook my head, she got me here!

"so, how was he?" I insisted "You didn't get pregnant, did you?"

She slapped my arm and laughed, shaking her head and then looked at me slyly

"fine! You wanna know? He was the best! he did stuff to me that nobody ever
did and we did it twice, and the first time, he made me cum three times"

"ok ok" I stopped her "a little more than I needed to know"

she laughed "and he's big too"

"alright stop, I was just kidding" I laughed taking Lucas in my arms

"go back to your room and enjoy the big morning wood then" I laughed again
"I'll watch Lucas, and we're staying in anyway, Rob is punished, he's not
allowed to leave the house as long as the closet is not spotless"

"oh wow finally! I thought you guy were just waiting for "Mr. clean" to come
by. We should just hire a maid you know, it'd make things easier"

"yeah I guess, but still, he's gonna clean this up, I don't want him to
become a rich, lazy star who can't clean up his own mess"

We laughed and I headed down the stairs and toward the kitchen with Lucas. I
had a quick breakfast with him and we got back to my room.
I gathered a few of his toys and he played on the bed while Rob and I took
turns watching him and tried to finish our night. I mean, we had slept, like
two hours but we were used to it now. We didn't need that much sleep
anymore. It had been a while since we had had a regular 8-hour night sleep.
It had been for me anyway. The past few months in the studio had been pretty
tiring and we usually took a one-hour nap when we just couldn't keep our
eyes open anymore. Rob was probably the one who got to sleep the most during
the recording though, because it was important for his voice. He often
recorded the vocal part of the songs in the afternoon and in the evening and
usually slept in the studio or went back home while the rest of us continued
working and recorded the instrumental part. He always wanted to stay and
work with us because he was as involved in writing the songs as we all were
but most of the time, our producer forced him to go to sleep and rest his
voice.

Rob and I kept an eye on Lucas and talked a little but tried to rest as much
as possible. I sleepily played with him to make sure he wouldn't get bored
and try to climb down the bed because I definitely didn't want to get up,
but I was pretty sure he was not going to. He was an easy baby, he didn't
cry much and he almost never behaved in a hyperactive way, except maybe when
Rob started playing ball with him, but other than that, he was calm, bright
and curious. I think he was going to be an intellectual. I could see how he
liked playing quietly, learning and discovering stuff more than running
around, well, like father like son I suppose.
Around 11, he cuddled up to Rob and played with Rob's hand for a few minutes
before falling asleep again. All three of us slept some more and woke up
again half an hour later. I was feeling much more rested. We started to
really wake up and resumed playing with Lucas and around noon, Rachel walked
into our bedroom

"hey, I heard someone got some last night" Rob told her mischievously

"MARK!!" she exclaimed

"oh, you really thought I was not gonna tell him" I said with a laugh

"oh god! Just please guys, don't tell Jordan ok"

"so where is the lucky guy?" Rob asked her

"in the shower" she answered

"you got him all dirty" he teased her again

"Rob, you really wanna start talking about straight sex?" she smiled

he looked at me and made a face "yeah, what am I doing?" and I laughed

She sat down on the bed with us and tickled Lucas, playing with him. He
laughed and crawled closer to me, expecting me to protect him but I tickled
him too so he crawled over to Rob, who did protect him from us.

"oh" Rachel said "we talked about Lucas this morning and he sort of started
asking questions so I told him about you too, that's ok right?"

"I suppose" Rob said with a smirk "it's not like we can't trust the guys you
bring back home" he joked, talking about Ben

She looked at him a bit confused, she couldn't get it, she didn't know what
Ben had done

"is he cool with it?" I asked her

"oh yeah, he was a bit surprised but he's cool"

"so you like this guy, um?" Rob asked her

"well, I don't know him that well yet, but he's just so nice. I really like
him. I don't know if he wants to date, I think he does, so yeah, I think I'd
like to start something with him, maybe ... what do you think?" she asked us

"I think he's hot" Rob said with a smile

she giggled "he sure is"

yeah? Give me details"

"oh Rob, not you too" she laughed "just be nice to him ok" she told us and
quickly added "which doesn't mean trying to get into his pants"

"hey what do you take us for?" I laughed. Man, I hoped she was never going
to find out that we did get into Ben's pants

"it's just, he was a bit apprehensive when I invited him. I think he feels a
bit intimidated by you" she said "go figure!" she smiled shrugging her
shoulders.

We continued talking and Lucas climbed down the bed and walked out of the
bedroom. We didn't go after him because we were pretty sure he was going to
come back. Sure enough, he did a few seconds later with a new toy. I guess
he was tired of playing with those on the bed.

"so you have to clean up the closet today?" Rach asked Rob giggling

"yeah" he sighed "apparently, I'm not gonna get away with it" he complained
looking at me

"no, you know what?" I told him seriously "I'll do it!"

"really?" he asked in surprise and with hope in his voice

"yeah" I said and added nonchalantly "If we have sex with a woman"

His hope vanished. "oh god" he sighed and collapsed on the bed, lying on his
back, his face in his hands

"still no luck, um?" Rachel asked me

I shook my head no and laughed

"come one Rob, it won't kill you. We're not that different you know, you
might actually like it" Rach said with a laugh

"well, what would you do if your boyfriend asked you to have a three some
with a woman?"

"I think I'd do it" she said, firmly nodding yes

"no you would not! You're just saying that because you want Mark to win this
stupid bet"

"it's not stupid" she said "I'd also like to see if Jordan has enough balls
to actually go through with this" she laughed

"well, I really don't give a shit what Jordan does with his ass" Rob said.

"I'm afraid you're not gonna win this bet Mark" she told me

"no he won't" Rob said decisively. I think his decision was final.

"well" Rachel said "if you knew who he wants to do it with, you might change
your mind" she told him with a laugh and immediately gasped and put her hand
over her mouth as she realized what she had just said

"WHAT" Rob screamed in surprise and looked back and forth between me and
Rach
"HE DOES NOT" he said, emphasizing every word, stunned

I laughed and looked at Rachel "Oh god, Rach, he's gonna kill you! You
really can't keep a secret, can you?"

"Hey! I didn't tell them that I was pregnant for 5 months"

"you knew?" Rob asked me

"yeah" I laughed "but we're not supposed to know about that"

"why? what did he say?" Rob asked curiously

I smiled "he didn't say anything to me, he said it to Rachel but he knows
that I know"

"what did he tell you?" Rob asked Rachel trying to get her attention because
she was now laughing her ass off. She regained her composure and explained,

"he said that he didn't want to pick up a guy in a club that he didn't know,
because he didn't want the guy to split him open" she laughed "and then he
said that he wasn't about to date a guy either to make sure it would not
hurt too much so he was like, "well, the easiest way would be to do it with
Rob and Mark" she said and laughed again "but I don't think he's actually
serious about it, we were just joking around when he told me that"

Rob shook his head in disbelief "I cannot believe him. And he says that
we're the fucked up ones" he told me, laughing a little. He shook his head
slightly again and seemed to think about it for a second
"well it ain't gonna happen cuz I'm not having sex with a woman"

"oh but Rob, come on, you have to try it at least once" Rach told him,
laughing

"why? Why should I?" he asked looking at her straight in the eye

"parce que faut pas mourir con!" I yelled and smiled

He looked at me straight in the eye too and said loudly "NO!"

Damn! told you, nothing worked! Not even fucking around with Jordan!

"Plus, Jordan?" he said, frowning "it's fucked up!"

"I wouldn't mind" I joked shrugging my shoulders "I did it with you, I did
it with Rachel, I can do it with Jordan" I said innocently and Rachel shook
her head and laughed

"oh man, you're such a slut" Rob kidded

"you just realized that?" I told him with a laugh

Rob smiled and stared into space for a sec "oh God" he said burying his face
in his hands "oh this is scary, I'm actually starting to picture it"

I laughed "what do you see?"

He moved down his hands "could be kind of hot" he said contemplating the
idea "no but I bet he would freak out as soon as he gets off. It'd be too
weird! It'd be like having a threesome with you" he told Rachel a bit
grossed out

"eww" she said making a face "god, please Rob, don't ever say that again"
she pleaded covering her eyes with her hand

"see" he told me

"no no no, that would be -a lot more- fucked up" I told them

"yeah well" Rachel said "don't think about it too much, I'm pretty sure he
was only joking"

"was he?" I said unconvinced "I'm not so sure. You know how he always uses
humour to say what he really wants to say"

"oh I don't know, but hey, if you ever do do that, please never tell me
about it" she laughed  "let's just change the subject alright? What's with
you this morning anyway?" she told me "you keep talking about sex"

"I dunno, maybe it's because I really have to say goodbye to my teenage
years now" I joked

We started talking about the party and all the mess we had to clean up
downstairs for a few minutes, until we saw David standing a little
uncomfortably by the door

"hey, come in" Rach told him. He walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed
too and we talked about the party with him, asked him if he had had a good
time, which I'm sure he had, considering what he had spent the end of the
night doing. We played with Lucas and talked about my presents, especially
the Ferrari of course.

"this is kind of weird" he said after a few seconds of silence

"what is?" Rachel asked

"no, but it's just, I mean, I saw you live a few times and I see you on TV
or hear your songs on the radio all the time" he told Rob and I "and here I
am, talking to you, in your bedroom, it's just.." and he laughed a little
"weird"

"well you know, we -are- real people" Rob joked

We laughed and made small talk until we decided to go downstairs and have
lunch. Rachel and David started walking out of the bedroom with Lucas and
Rob followed them

"Rob! The closet!" I told him, raising my voice

"what? now?"

"well yeah now! Pick up a few clothes, they're not gonna jump into the
washing machine all by themselves"

He reluctantly walked back toward the closet, sighing. I quickly rushed over
to him and stopped him. I stood right in front of him. We were both wearing
pajama bottoms but he also had a black tank top on and I ran my hands up and
down his smooth, strong arms as I softly pressed my lips against his.

"Do you want me to help you?"

"no, I should be able to do it myself" he said with a smirk. I smiled and
kissed him again. It had just intended to kiss him briefly though but we had
no self-control when it came to this. He kissed me back, with a little more
pressure and I felt a slight shiver rush through me as his tongue quickly
slid into my mouth. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and pulled me
into him and I embraced him tightly.

We closed our eyes and he started kissing me more deeply. I got hard
instantly and pressed my crotch against his, grinding my cock against his
and grasping his broad shoulders. He broke the kiss and we looked at each
other and grinned slyly. The bedroom door was wide open. Rachel could have
walked back into the bedroom at any time.
He slipped his hand down my pajama bottoms, not breaking eye contact with me
and grasped my cock firmly, squeezing it, forcing a groan out of me.

"I just can't keep my hands off you" he smiled as he began stroking me
firmly.

"ooh" I moaned. He placed his other hand behind the back of my neck and
gently kissed and licked my lips as his hand moved up and down my erection.
I pressed my body firmly against his to increase the sensation and his hand
rubbed against his crotch as he jerked me off faster and faster.

He started kissing my cheek, then my ear, his kisses moving down to my neck
and began nibbling at it so softly that it made me tremble and I felt
shivers ran up and down my spine

"oh yeah, feels good" he continued licking my neck gently and I moaned
quietly, enjoying his nibbling and stroking. He raised his head and looked
into my eyes as his hand continued pumping my cock and I humped myself
against it.

I smashed my lips against his and kissed him deeply as I slipped my hands
down his pajama bottoms. I grabbed and rubbed his muscular ass cheeks,
pulling him into me a little more.
His hand on my cock was squeezed between our bodies, which just increased
the pleasure I was feeling and I lost myself more and more in the sensation.
I loved the feeling of his hand running over my cock.

"I'm almost there" I whispered closing my eyes, running my tongue over his
lips. My cock was now leaking like a faucet and his hand was rapidly moving
up and down my length.

"yeah, come on, shoot it, shoot it" he murmured and softly licked my tongue
and pressed his lips against mine, kissing me lovingly and letting out small
sexy sighs. I moaned and he began to furiously pump my cock as I squeezed
him to me.

"come on shoot it" he whispered sensually again, and I buried my face in the
crook of his neck, smelling him and feeling his warmth against my face as I
concentrated on my approaching orgasm

I suddenly felt my cock pulse in his hand and groaned "oh yeah". My whole
body tightened and jets of cum started shooting out of me, soaking his hand
as well as my pajama bottoms. He continued stroking me through the whole
orgasm, holding me tight against him too.

When I was done cumming, I raised my head a little and kissed him softy
again, giggling "that was so good". My hands slowly released his ass cheeks
and moved up his back under his tank top. I squeezed him to me a little
harder "you're the best" I said invading his mouth with my tongue again and
we kissed passionately for a few seconds.

"come on, I'll return the favor in the shower" I told him, grinning slightly

We took a shower together and I did return the favor. Once we were all fresh
and clean, we got dressed and Rob started gathering a few clothes in the
closet to wash them. I headed down the stairs and joined Rachel and David in
the kitchen. Lucas was almost done eating and they had started making lunch.
We began chitchatting a little and we were once again talking about the
Ferrari when we heard Rob yell,

"Rach, can you help me? how does it work?"

Rachel and I looked at each other and cracked up

"I thought he was gay" she laughed

"when it comes to that, I think I'm much more gay than he is" I laughed.

Which was true. I guess that was my serious side. I was usually quite
organized and I liked things to be clean and in the right place. It was not
an obsession though but I took good care of my stuff. I was probably a bit
of a materialist. Rob, on the contrary didn't really care about anything he
owned. To him, everything was replaceable. He had actually told me several
times that he wouldn't really care if we lost everything we had, as long as
he didn't lose me. Man, how could I not be crazy about this guy?

Oh, and I could even cook! I guess it was the French blood in me. My father
was a good cook and when I was growing up, he usually forced us into helping
him so I knew how to cook a good number of French meals and I wasn't into
all that junk food. I liked cooking healthy, delicate meals.
But again, Rob, on the other hand, sucked at that. I really couldn't hope
for a romantic home made dinner. The last time he had tried to do that had
been a pretty traumatic experience for me, which just proves that you can be
gay and suck at cooking. He could boil water pretty well though but he did
burn himself doing that once. lol, no ok he was not that bad, but almost.

"I'll be right back" Rachel said getting up to help Rob with the washing
machine and I was left alone with David and again, he was noticeably
uncomfortable. I smiled. Man, looked like this guy really didn't know how to
behave around me.

"well this is awkward" he said avoiding eye contact

"why? I told you to go for it, didn't I?" He smiled awkwardly and it didn't
really seem like he knew what to say

"Can I ask you something?" I said and he looked at me and slightly nodded
yes

"Are you planning on starting something with her or was it, just like that?"

"um, well, like I said, I like her but, it depends on what she wants too,
but yeah, I think I'd like this to turn into something serious"

I smiled "you know, I think she likes you"

He smiled "I think she does too"

We giggled "welcome to the family then" I told him
He smiled "thanks"

"Look, I don't know exactly what Rachel told you about Rob and I but
honestly, you don't have to worry about me. Rachel's really important to me,
but she's just a friend"

"yeah, that's cool, we've talked about it a lot this morning, I understand"

Lucas was making a real mess on his highchair with his water and a banana
and I asked David "Are you ok with Lucas? Doesn't freak you out?"

"oh no, are you kidding, he's adorable"

We looked at him and laughed as he dropped a piece of his banana on the
floor, looked down at it and then looked up at me like he had just done
something really bad. He was indeed adorable

"Man, you're gonna think I'm weird, but honest, it's really weird to be
here"

I laughed a little "I mean, seriously, I've got your albums, I love what you
guys do, you're really good. I was actually at the private gig you played
for Xfm in Leicester Square last September"

"oh you were there?" I asked smiling. It was actually the last time we had
played live.

he nodded "I mean I thought rach was messing with me when she told me about
you"

I laughed "she really gets a kick out of doing that, doesn't she?"

We smiled and continued talking and Rob and Rachel walked back into the
kitchen.

"did you do it or Rachel did it for you?" I asked Rob, teasing him

"I showed him how it works and he did it" she told me "he'll probably have
forgotten everything by tomorrow but I did my best" she joked

We finished making lunch and we all started eating. Half way through our
meal, we heard Damon call us

"in the kitchen" Rob yelled and Damon bounced into the kitchen

"hello birthday boy" he told me as he put his hand on the top of my head and
cheerfully ruffled my hair and I tried to squirm away from him "Jordan and I
were having a look on the internet, trying to think of something we could do
today and we found this place in South London where we could go karting,
would you like that?"

"karting?" I cheerfully said "oh yeah, that'd be fun, yeah, let's do that"

"um" Rob started saying "don't we have to go to the studio for a few hours
today?"

"no, didn't I tell you?" I asked and he shook his head no "oh you're gonna
love me! Damien and I managed to finish everything we were supposed to do
today"

"really? oh I do love you" he said placing a kiss on my lips "so we're
free?" he asked and I nodded yes "and it's almost only thanks to Damien" I
told him

He looked at me like he just couldn't care less and shook his head
"do want me to call him and thank him for the excellent job he did before
kissing my boyfriend. Maybe he thought he deserved a reward or something"

I laughed "oh jeez, get over it"

"Damien kissed you?" Damon asked me curiously

I nodded but kind of looked at him as to say, "let's not talk about it"

Damon bent over and rested his arms on the table as he said looking at David
"so you're still here? that's cool! I made100 quid"

Rachel stared at him "you bet on it?" she exclaimed at bit aggravated "oh I
cannot believe you guys!" she looked at David apologetically "Sorry, I've
just got weird friends"

Damon laughed and rushed out of the apartment and we heard him call Jordan
and I think Rachel just wanted to crawl into a hole, knowing Jordan was
going to tease her.

"sorry, next time, we'll just go to your place, ok, you won't have to come
back here anymore" she joked

Damon walked back into the kitchen and Jordan soon followed
"what do you want?" he asked Damon

"100 quid" he told him proudly

why?" Jordan asked "ohhh...." he said noticing David "alright" he sighed a bit
defeated "looks like I underestimated you Rach"

"oh god, stop ok, just stop" she said like she just wanted to kill both of
them "you're embarrassing me" David found this pretty funny though and he
laughed as he took another mouthful of his food. Jordan walked over to him
and put an arm around David's shoulder, leaning over to whisper in his ear

"so, was she any good?"

"JORDAN" Rachel yelled "I swear, you say one more word and I'm gonna...." She
threatened him as she stood up, rushing towards him. He laughed and ran away
and she ran after him, out of the kitchen and into the living room, probably
to kick his ass and we laughed.

They came back a few minutes later and Jordan and Damon had lunch with us,
our conversation completely free of any sex-related topics. I guess Rachel
had made herself understood. When we were all done eating, we decided to
clean up the apartment a little before leaving. Damon called Dylan and
Elaine so that they'd help too.

It was funny how we had all sort of divided up over the years. I mean, we
were all really great friends but there seemed to be groups inside the
group. Even when we all hung out together, it was noticeable.

Obviously Dylan and Elaine were always spending a lot of time alone together
as well as Rob and I.
Jordan and Damon were very close and they were often doing things together
without the rest of us, which probably involved girls quite a lot and when
Dylan was not with Elaine, he was, not a fifth wheel, but he kind of hung
out with everyone but it seemed like he and Rob had grown quite close
lately.
I think Rob needed to be around quiet, centered, serious people. It was
probably a way for him not to go crazy. I think he was worried he'd get
bigheaded and lose himself in this rock star persona he had created.
For instance, Jordan had a really bad influence on Rob. Jordan was just too
much of a hyperactive like Rob could be sometimes. I mean, the rest of us
had this rule never to leave the two of them alone together because if we
did, they always ended up doing really stupid, dangerous stuff. It's not so
much that Rob was hyperactive but he could get bored really quickly. He
constantly needed to be busy, to do something, to keep himself entertained
and Jordan was always willing to help.

As for Rachel, she spent a lot of time with Elaine and Lucas, talking about
god knows what girls talk about or she hung out with Jordan and me.
Apart from Rob, my best friends were definitely Jordan and Rachel. The three
of us were a real diabolic trio, always had been, which was of course,
Jordan's influence. It was always his fault anyway if we did something
stupid.
Actually, every time any of us did something wrong, we always blamed it on
Jordan, even when he had nothing to do with it. He had become our scapegoat,
but he didn't really care because most of the time, it -was- his fault.


We all started cleaning up the apartment but we were a bit lazy though so we
just quickly threw away everything that had to be thrown away and that's
pretty much it. But it looked a little less chaotic after we were done.

Around three, all 9 of us left and headed to the karting place. Jordan
wanted to drive the Ferrari but we didn't take it because where we were
going, I thought it wasn't really appropriate. I guess I just wasn't a
show-off. Plus I was a bit concerned about letting Jordan drive it.

Karting was a lot of fun, we went round and round for 45 minutes. We had the
whole track to ourselves so we did a little race. Elaine and Rachel took
turns so someone would stay with Lucas. Elaine was having a lot of fun, she
never let us pass her and I think she had confused karts and bumper cars, we
knew she was crazy but I'm not sure we knew how much yet, she almost
destroyed her kart. Thankfully, she only drove for about 20 minutes.

"oh man this was fun" Dylan laughed as he took off his helmet, Elaine
hugging him from behind
"Did you notice me chasing you?" she laughed

"you were chasing everyone" he joked

"no, just you baby" she told him, holding him tighter "and I got you"

"can you still feel your hands?" Damon asked us, shaking his arms to restore
the circulation in his hands. We all did the same, because with the cold and
the vibration of the wheel, our hands were like frozen

"man, I think I'm the big loser here" Rachel said "I could never catch up
with you, you must have all passed me like a thousand times" she joked

"well, of course" Jordan laughed "you were driving like a fucking
grandmother"
She laughed and tried to kick him "hey I have a kid now, I can't risk my
life like this anymore" she joked and went over to David for a hug. They
were cute. She looked happy to have a boyfriend again and he seemed to be
really nice. And even though they had just gotten together, I was pretty
sure this was not going to be a fling. She had met a couple of nice guys
during the tour but we rarely stayed in one place more than a couple of days
so it definitely couldn't turn into anything serious.

"So who won?" Rob asked

We all looked at each other and realized we had no idea who had won. We
hadn't kept count.

"well, it's my birthday, so I won" I said and they all agreed

-----
We left and went back home. As soon as we entered the building, Jordan
started following me around everywhere like a puppy dog. He still wanted to
drive the Ferrari so I gave in because I knew that when he had his mind set
on something, there was no changing it.
We drove down to Brighton together (by the sea) and I was surprised to see
that he was actually driving pretty cautiously even though he was not
driving slowly.
When we arrived in Brighton, it was almost 9pm and we were starving so we
entered the first restaurant we could find and had a good kick out of
pretending to be on a date. Jordan was just so cool with that. He was really
open-minded and even though Damon and Dylan were completely ok with Rob and
I, Jordan was the only one who had totally accepted it right from the start.
He just didn't give a shit about people's sexuality, it just didn't matter
to him. Jordan, he worried about serious things only when it was really
necessary. He just wanted to have a laugh, enjoy the people around him and
just enjoy the day with anyone he was with, gay, straight, or whatever, it
was all lovely to him.

The restaurant was on the sea front so after dinner, we took a walk on the
beach, despite the fact that it was frigging freezing but it was nice to
breath the fresh sea air.
The tide was high and we walked along the water. I continued pretending to
be his boyfriend as I kept trying to act as if we were a couple, holding his
hand, putting my arm around him or kissing his cheek and he kept telling me
to knock it off, laughing and pushing me away from him.

What I loved about Jordan was that he was a lot like Rob in many ways, sort
of a straight version of him! He was a great friend and we knew each other
so well that nothing was ever misinterpreted. We could say anything to each
other and know instantly whether we were serious or joking. We had always
been close and I knew that if I had knocked at his door instead of Rob's
because of my parents, I would have found the same support.
And even though, he was close to Damon, I knew he considered me as his best
friend. I remembered how inseparable we used to be when we were kids, before
Rob and I started dating, and in a way, we still were. We always tried to
make time for each other, to spend time alone together once in a while. Same
thing with Rachel.
I had always been closer to Rob for obvious reasons and he had always come
first but still, Jordan and I also had a long-standing friendship and it was
really important to us.

I continued flirting with him, having fun, and it soon turned into a
wrestling match as he told me that I was gonna take a midnight bath if I
didn't stop and as he actually started pushing me playfully closer and
closer to the water.

We started wrestling and messing around as we tried to push each other down.
I wrapped my arms around him from behind, tried to get a good grip on him,
and as we wrestled, we stepped closer to the waves. I wasn't sure where this
was going but we were probably going to regret it.
He grabbed my arms, trying to break free but I tightened my grip on him. We
were just a few inches away from the waves when he managed to swing round
and I lost the grip I had on him. He pushed me and I pushed back, pressing
my head hard on his chest and laughing. He was not kidding here about the
midnight bath, I knew him, he was not just trying to scare me, I knew I was
actually gonna end up in the water if I didn't fight back. Now that he had
started, there was no stopping him. I pushed hard on his chest with the top
of my head, trying to stay away from the freezing water but we were too
close and before we knew it, we were gasping for breath as the waves
splashed up against our legs. It was extremely cold but we both had a quite
strong competitive spirit and we both wanted to win this fight. We continued
wrestling and tried to push each other down or get out of the water but we
both had the same built so it was not easy. I wasn't sure what we were
trying to do here but our legs were wet up to our knees.

"get off me" I screamed at him and laughed

He laughed, grasped my arm tighter, put one of his legs between mine and
used a judo throw on me and I fell into the water, almost freezing to death
on the spot. I felt like my heart stopped beating for a second. Never, Ever
fall into the English Channel in January! And never ever try to hit on your
straight friends, you might jut end up dead!

"oh Fuck" I screamed and stood up in a flash, but not quickly enough, it was
too late, I was completely soaked. I tried to catch my breath and make sure
that my heart was still beating and Jordan ran away before I could recover.

I quickly got out of the water and collapsed on the beach. "you son of a
bitch" I yelled

"you got what you deserved" he yelled back, laughing hard as he walked up to
me, probably to make sure I was alright. I glared at him but I wasn't mad at
all, I did get what I deserved. I stood up, stumbling a little, he was not
gonna get away with this and I rushed over to him. He quickly started
running away and I ran after him but I was way too wet and cold. My legs
were weak and I almost immediately stopped chasing him and collapsed in the
sand again, breathing hard, shivering and trying to find a way to warm up my
body. I think I was experiencing slight hypothermia.

He came over to me "are you alright?" he asked concerned

"Fuck, I'm freezing" I told him. My clothes were dripping wet, sticking to
my body. I had sand all over me, I just couldn't catch my breath, I couldn't
stop shivering and my heartbeat was irregular.

He helped me to my feet and laughed a little
"Sorry, oh god, you're soaked" he said realizing how wet I was. I mean I
really fell into the water and the waves splashed over me. Even my hair was
wet.

I laughed, still shaking and shivering "Man, I wish I could give you a taste
of your own medicine right now" I really wanted my revenge but I could
barely move. My body was numb with cold.

"we should probably stop before somebody dies" he joked

"Jeez" I said, my body shaking uncontrollably "look at us" his pants were
completely soaked too, almost up to his crotch, covered in sand. "I'm afraid
we're gonna have to get naked before we get into the car" I smiled

He laughed and shook his head "you know exactly what you're doing, don't
you?"

We quickly headed back toward the car. I really had to take off these
clothes. I just couldn't stand it anymore.

"see what happens when you try queering me" he laughed as he helped me out
of my jacket, sweater and shirt. I was just shivering too bad to do it by
myself. He pulled off his sweater, which was still dry and handed it to me.
I put it on and he held me against him, rubbing his hands firmly up and down
my arms and back to warm up my body. Then, we started taking off our shoes,
socks and pants, trying to hide behind the car and I laughed

"yeah, I have you exactly where I wanted you, with you pants down" I joked

We put our wet, dirty clothes in the trunk and quickly climbed into the car,
hoping no one had seen us. Man, we were freezing. Jordan had to put his
shoes back on. They were wet and cold but he couldn't exactly drive without
them.

"I hope we won't get pulled over for speeding, it'd be really embarrassing"
I joked as he switched on the engine and turned on the heat. He kept asking
me if I was feeling better but I wasn't sure whether I was or not. We
laughed about it all the way home but it took a while before I finally
stopped shivering and for my body to relax.

When we arrived, Jordan took off his shoes as he got out of the car. His
feet were covered in sand and we started laughing again. We entered the
building and walked into my apartment, still laughing a little. The guys
were all hanging out together in the living room, playing cards.
They all looked at us up and down with an expression on their faces that
said, "What the fuck happened to you?"
I was barefoot, wearing only my underwear and Jordan's sweater, my hair was
a mess and Jordan had only his t-shirt and underwear on.

Rob laughed, "I knew you were not gonna come back in one piece"

I let Jordan tell them that he had almost killed me and ran upstairs to take
a hot shower as I told Rob that I wanted him in bed as soon as I'll get out
of the shower. I just really needed to snuggle to his solid, warm body. And
I did.

"I am so gonna get back at Jordan for this" I murmured, even though I didn't
know how yet.

"I'll help you" Rob said as he held my body tight from behind "I'll teach
him to treat you like that"

I laughed. "I was kinda looking for it"
I closed my eyes and relaxed in Rob's arms, enjoying the warmth of his body
against mine. I was feeling completely drained, the previous night had been
really short and the day had been quite full but something was stopping me
from falling asleep.

"you're hard" I whispered

"so" he simply said

"so, how am I supposed to fall asleep?"

"I don't know, I'm doing it" he whispered kissing the back of my neck "good
night"
I laughed to myself, wondering how on earth I was going to fall asleep with
his hard cock pressed against my ass.

"good night?"

"would you shut up and sleep" he said with a laugh

"well, go soft first" I laughed

"I can't, it's got a mind of its own"

I laughed and rolled over onto my back a little so I won't feel it against
my ass anymore. He kept his arm around me and I cuddled closer into his
body. I closed my eyes again and fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

It was a good day all in all!

-----

A week later in February, Rob and I were hanging out together on our bed. I
was resting on a pillow against the headboard and Rob was sitting between my
legs. I was surprisingly healthy, I really thought I would have pneumonia or
something by now but no. So, we were cuddling and watching a football
game(soccer) Arsenal (his favourite team)/ some other team, because really,
he was watching and I was trying to entertain myself by holding him and
caressing his chest with both hands.

I had unbuttoned his shirt at the beginning of the game and I had been
caressing him for the past 40 minutes or so. I just loved his body. I
couldn't get enough of him. His chest was so perfect, everything was so
tight, cut and defined. I loved how toned his body was but yet he didn't
have a gym body. He was not overly built and I just loved it. His abs looked
so good, soft, smooth but impressive and his skin was so flawless, smooth
and soft too. Mine was too actually, our teenage years hadn't been traumatic
at all. I didn't really remember complaining about pimples. We were lucky
bastards. We didn't even have to work out much to stay in shape. Well it had
probably a lot to do with the fact that we were only 21.

As I caressed him, my fingers would find a small hard nipple and I'd pull at
it and roll it away from the curve of his pectoral muscle and then I'd play
with the thin hair on his chest. It made him look so hot, he had just enough
hair on his pecs to make it look like he trimmed but it was natural.
I'd run my fingers down his chest, to his cute navel and play with the light
trail of hair that led from his navel down into his waistband and then back
up to his pecs, cupping them, then his nipples and his abs again, kissing
the side of his face lightly from time to time and caressing his neck,
running my fingers behind his ears, sometimes through his hair. He was not
ticklish so I could also run my fingers over his ribs and the side of his
body.

When the first half of the game ended, he grabbed the remote and started
flipping through the channels. There was nothing interesting on TV and after
a few seconds, he asked out of the blue,

"Do you think I should get a tattoo?"

"what?"

"well, that's what rock stars do, right? They get tattoos"

"I suppose"

"Yeah, I might do that"

"Rob, do you -want- to get a tattoo, or do you feel like you -have- to get a
tattoo?"

"not sure...my mum is gonna kill me though if I get one"

I laughed "Oh that is so Rock and roll Rob. My mummy is gonna kill me if I
get a tattoo" I said, whining and laughed

He laughed "but she will, she's gonna be like "oh my god, they ruined my
little boy"

"aww, you're still a little mummy's boy inside, aren't you?" I smiled,
teasing him

he laughed and I said "well as long as you don't get a heart with Mum or my
name written inside, that's fine with me. What would you want to get?"

"I'm not sure, no colours, I don't like it, and a design that means
something, like a Celtic cross or a Maori design for instance"

"you're not Maori" I said

"but they've got some really great designs. you know they're considered to
be treasures and the purpose is sacred, it's an intellectual property. And
there are all those ancestral and tribal messages specific to the person who
wears the tattoo and it tells his story, you know, his family, his place in
the tribe and the tattoo contains all his values and knowledge. I think
that's really cool, I don't know, I gotta think about it"

"yeah, it is great, but it gotta mean something to you. There are some
really cool Irish designs too you know"

he nodded and shrugged his shoulders slightly "Where would you do it?" I
asked him

"um, my upper arm probably, that way people can see it but I can also hide
it with a shirt, what do you think?"

"yeah, that would look really good on you. Just when I thought you couldn't
get any sexier" I said and he giggled

"It must hurt like hell though" I said

"hey I'm not a wuss, if I can take it up the ass, I can get a tattoo"

I laughed "I cannot believe you just said that"

I kissed his cheek "well, if you really want to get a Maori design, you
should wait until we go on tour in New Zealand" I told him

"Yeah, I know"

We continued talking and the game started again.
I resumed caressing him but I was getting tired of it, no, not exactly, I
just wanted more so I ran my hand down his chest and started unbuttoning his
pants.

"don't even think about it" he told me "we are not having sex as long as
this game is not over"

I giggled, "try and stop me" I said in his ear as I slipped my hand down his
pants, grabbing his package softly through his underwear

"damn" he said, knowing he couldn't quite stop me. He could never resist me
anyway. I would ask him to let me fuck him on stage, I'm not sure he would
resist!
I slipped my hand under the waistband and wrapped my hand around his
semi-hard cock. I guess all the caressing hadn't left him indifferent. He
didn't put up a fight after this, just kept watching and enjoyed my touch.
He just liked it too much to stop me.

I tucked his underwear beneath his balls and for the next twenty minutes of
the game, just played with his cock and balls.
I started by slowly masturbating him to a full erection, feeling him swell
in my hand and then I softly ran my fingers along his perfect 8 inches cock.
I played with the foreskin, caressed the head, massaged and stroked his
cock, caressed his trimmed pubes, rolled his balls between my fingers,
applied a little pressure on his sphincter from time to time. I just loved
touching him, his dick was so gorgeous, so big, hard and soft, his balls
were smooth, drawn tight against his body, perfectly proportioned to his
cock, I just loved everything about him.
But again, I decided that I wanted more. Touching him was turning me on so
bad that it was becoming hard to control myself. The urge to take him was
too strong.

"I want you" I whispered in his ear

"just a few more minutes"

"no, it's not a few more minutes, there're 20 minutes left, and the game is
drawn so far, I bet they're gonna play extra time, I can't wait baby, I want
you now"

"oh Mark" he complained "what do you wanna do?" he asked anyway

"I wanna fuck you" I whispered in his ear and I did, my cock was painfully
hard and I couldn't take it anymore, I needed him, I just wanted to be in
him, to feel his soft, warm, tight ass around my cock.

I caressed his chest firmly, roaming my hand up and down his torso and I
started jerking him off a little harder with my other hand. I kissed his
ear, and the side of his face, moaning a little to turn him on.

"I want to be in you baby" I moaned sensually in a low voice "I want it now,
please, let me take you. you can keep watching, I don't care, I just want to
be inside you, I want it so bad right now, God, I gotta have you" I
whispered

"oh god" he moaned. It was working and I was having fun so I continued
talking to him. My cock was hard as a rock and leaking so bad, I had to
pinch my nipple a little through my t-shirt to send the pleasure in
different directions.
I tried to move a little to find a more comfortable position for my
throbbing cock and I was sure he could feel my hardness against him. I
continued massaging his cock and jerking him off slowly but firmly as I slid
my other hand gently up and down his chest and pinched his nipples, played
with the hair on his pecs or ran my fingers over his abs.

"Do you realize what you're doing to me?" I whispered sensuously and kissed
the side of his head "I love you so much, you are so perfect. Everything
about you is beautiful. You're so gorgeous. God, I want you so bad, you make
me so hard"

He moaned a little and I pulled him into me a little tighter and continued
stroking him. He was not gonna resist much longer.
"God baby I want you, I'm so crazy about you. Everybody is crazy about you
but I'm the only one who can have you. All these people, they can only
fantasize about you, they can only have you in their dreams. They can only
look at your beautiful face, but they don't know what's underneath these
clothes, they have no idea how fucking gorgeous you are. They can only
imagine. All these guys, if they saw you without your clothes on, they'd
just die and you're mine, you belong to me, they think they know you but
they don't. I'm the only one who knows you. I'm the only one who can make
love to you" I moaned licking his earlobe "I'm the only who knows how good
it feels to fuck you, I'm the only one who knows what a great fuck you are,
what a fantastic lover you are. You're so amazing, everything you do, every
time I look at you, I just feel it, god I love you so fucking much"

He groaned and it was still working! Actually it was working so well, that I
suddenly felt his hot cum pour over my hand as I jerked him off slowly. He
let out long, deep moan and shuddered a little as he came, letting out a
faint spray of cum all over his abs and my hand and I giggled

"God, Rob, you've got to let me fuck you right now"

He turned his head to the side, looked at me passionately and I brought my
hand from his chest up to his head and ran my fingers through his hair. Our
lips met and we kissed lustfully as we continued looking into each other's
eyes. I applied pressure on his back with my chest a little and he quickly
kneeled on the bed and took off his open shirt. I reached for his pants and
he laid on his back as I undressed him completely. I climbed up on top of
him, supporting myself on my hands and knees on each side of him and kissed
him feverishly. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into him
and I laid on top of him as we kissed, my clothes rubbing against his bare
skin.

I broke the kiss, licked my way down his chest, stopping on his nipples to
bath them with my saliva and I let my tongue travel around his sixpack,
licking all the cum he had deposited off him. He was watching me as I did
this, smiling devilishly. I looked up at him and smiled before lowering my
face down to his cock. He hadn't even lost his erection. He looked horny as
hell. I pressed my lips against the base and licked my way up to the head.
When my tongue reached the head, I grasped his cock, pulled it away from his
body and engulfed him, tasting his cum again as I plunged his cock to the
back of my throat.

"oh God" he cried. I held him tight in my mouth, bobbing only slightly and
slowly started to pull back. His cock fell from my mouth and I asked him to
turn around on his stomach, facing the TV. Not that he seemed to give a shit
about the game now.

I quickly took off my clothes, finally freeing my cock. Man, that felt good.
It almost made me come just to touch myself. There was a noticeable wet spot
on my underwear from leaking so much.

I hastily reached for the lube but as I looked down at his creamy ass, I
decided to rim him a little first. I lowered myself down and kissed his
cheeks, rubbing them with my hands. I spread them apart, burying my face
between his cheeks and he opened his legs as I started probing him

"ohh" he moaned "oh god Mark, is it the cute football players who make you
so horny?"

"no" I said pulling back "it's you, they don't look half as hot as you"
I pushed my face between his cheeks again, my tongue swirled around his hole
and licked between his balls and anus. After a bit of teasing, I aimed my
tongue directly at his tight opening and bathed it in my saliva as I started
to open him up.

"oh yeah, baby, do it, eat my ass" he moaned. And I did, with reckless
abandon, plunging my tongue in and out, giving him as much pleasure as I
could with my tongue. His whimpers were so hot that my cock throbbed every
time I pushed back in, and I knew I was gonna have to start fucking him soon
before exploding from the stimulation of just eating his ass. I circled his
hole with my fingertip, teasing him and resumed eating him out as I reached
for the lube that I had placed next to me on the bed. I squeezed a drop onto
my fingers and quickly replaced my tongue with one, then two fingers and
opened him up, all the while listening to his moans and groans as my fingers
massaged his prostate and he humped himself a little against the mattress.

My throbbing erection was begging me to fuck him though so after making sure
he was ready, I lubed up my cock and aimed it at his ass. I held the base
and ran it up and down his crack, my length sliding between his cheeks,
teasing him a little and teasing my own cock as well.

"oh wait, I wanna see you" he said urgently, turning around on his back and
we looked at each other with lust and passion. Jeez, we wanted each other
badly. I wondered if every couple on this earth were capable of being as
turned on by one another as we were.

I looked at his engorged penis and quickly lowered myself down and licked
the base, up to the head and then looked up at him. He guided me up, placing
his hands on my neck. I supported myself on my arms on each side of him and
he lifted his legs up, holding his knees. I kissed the hollow of his throat
as I started pushing my cock into him.
His hands slid down my side and moved down to my ass. He gripped my cheeks
and pulled me forward, throwing his head back and arching his back a little
as I sank into him. God, that was hot.

"ohh Rob, you feel so good, I love you" I moaned as I kissed his neck

He sighed and locked his legs around me, driving me even deeper into him and
he ran his fingers up my back. His eyes were closed but as I started slowly
moving in and out, he opened them, and placed his hands firmly on each side
of my face as he looked passionately into my eyes

"Mark fuck me hard, I want it hard, fuck that hard cock into me" he ordered

Oh God, hearing him talk like this was too much. I felt a fire lit up inside
me and I attacked his mouth with my own, my tongue wrestling with his,
feeling him respond aggressively as he pressed his hands on the back of my
head and kissed me hard. I immediately started fucking him more vigorously
and slammed my cock into him, driving him back into the mattress as he
clenched around me and lifted his hips to meet my thrusts.

"yeah that's it, like that, fuck me" he whimpered as we licked each other's
tongues and lips. He pulled me off of his mouth and said again as he looked
into my eyes "fuck me hard"

"oh God Rob" I moaned as I attacked his mouth again and thrusted hard in and
out of him. I grabbed his legs and pulled them up. I placed his feet on my
shoulders and leaned forward, almost bending him in half. He slid his hands
up and down my arms, feeling my hard biceps and moved his hands to my neck
again as I started to hammer into him.

"yes baby, fuck me, harder, oh god fuck me, yeah" He repeated as he tilted
his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations coming from his
hole and the pleasure caused by fucking his ass. God, he was so hot, he
wasn't usually this wild but the way he was begging for me to fuck him was
driving me crazy. I loved it when he was assertive. He opened his eyes again
and pulled my face closer to his and smashed his mouth against mine as I
pulled my cock almost completely out of him and thrusted forward again,
repeating the action more and more forcefully, my balls slamming against his
cheeks every time I buried myself into him.

"yes, yes" he whimpered as he roamed one hand all over my chest and felt my
muscles tighten under his touch as I fucked him. He grabbed onto my pec and
his fingers searched and pinched my nipple, twisting it away from my chest,
god he was gonna make me cum if he kept this up.

"oh Rob, you're so hot" I told him sensuously as I fucked him harder and
harder and stared at the look of pure pleasure and on his face

"so are you" he said looking into me with desire, and I was sure that no one
but him would ever look at me with that much intensity. He wrapped his arms
around me and dug his fingertips into my back, pulling me into him as much
as he could

His ass felt so amazing around my cock, he was tight and he kept contracting
his muscles to give me more pleasure, but yet his hole was receiving me
easily as I hammered into him  "oh you like that?" I groaned "take it baby,
take my cock"

"yeah, yeah, give it to me" he almost wailed as he pulled me into him again

I fucked him long and hard, jabbing at his prostate, making him grunt and
moan loudly, a sheen of sweat soon covering our bodies.

"baby, I'm gonna cum" he panted after a while "oh god I need to cum" I
grasped his hard slick cock and jerked it in time with my thrusts. He let
his legs hang in the air and closed his eyes, letting out high-pitched cries
as I pumped my cock hard in and out of him to send him over the edge,
feeling my own climax approach too.

"yes, yes I, I'm cumming" he muttered and gasped as his body shook and he
shot several powerful thick burst of cum all over himself landing on his
pecs and abs. Considering he had already cum right before starting this
fuck, it was pretty impressive.

I had been holding back to give him as much pleasure as I could but when he
starting cumming, I felt my body tense up and just as the remaining jets of
cum blasted out of him, he opened his eyes and looked into mine and I asked
with passion in my voice "do you want me to cum in you or on you?"

He breathed heavily and blurted "cum all over me, oh, yeah, show me how bad
you want me" he moaned in anticipation, staring up at me with pure lust, a
fire burning behind his eyes and I smiled, thinking that we'd sell millions
more albums if we put this face on the cover.

I let go of his cock and quickly pulled out of him, knowing I was going to
cum really soon and really hard. I felt my balls tightening and gave my cock
a couple of strokes but Rob almost immediately grabbed it and pulled on it.
I let out a deep moan as soon as I felt his hand on me and began to pump my
load, spraying and splattering thick ropes of white fluid all over him,
feeling like I would be cumming forever. The first glob of cum landed on his
cheek and he stared at my cock as he was being showered in my cum. He
continued pumping my cock until his chest was covered with his cum and mine.

"god, you're so fucking hot" he said as I tried to come back to reality. He
was still stroking my cock and I took his hand in mine, pushing it away
gently. I had become so sensitive that I had to stop him. I looked into his
eyes and smiled before collapsing on the bed next to him, euphoric, in a
sweat and exhausted.

"wow" he said still breathing quite heavily and turning his head toward the
TV "I have no idea if Arsenal scored but you sure did" he said with a laugh

---------------

"YOU GUYS ARE READY TO GO" Dylan screamed from downstairs as Rob and I were
getting dressed and I worried that he would wake Lucas and Rachel up. The
guys had the keys to our apartment now and we had the keys to theirs because
we didn't want to have to open the door to them every time they wanted to
come over, which was like, all the time.

It was the 10th of March and the album had been released four days before.
We had shot the video for the single and started the promotion in England a
couple of weeks before but we were not promoting the album much though apart
from a few radios and interviews because well, we already had fans, and we
had to spend much more time getting ready for the tour. The plan was to
promote the album and tour at the same time.

The first gig was scheduled in London for the 29th of April in Earls Court
in front of 18000 people and we had very little time (and in case you're
wondering, yes, it was sold out, crazy, isn't it? The label was actually
thinking about adding a second date... yeah right!). We had already decided
on the set list, and professionals had been working on this tour for a while
now already, always discussing their ideas with us.
But we had to practice the new songs, as well as the old ones. Plus, we were
the kind of band that always makes things more complicated than it has to be
because we wanted each gig to be different. So we had to decide on the songs
we wanted to cover, on the things we wanted to change on the set list from
on gig to the other. But there were a lot of things to take into
consideration. We already had plenty of ideas but it was time to put them
into practice.
Apart from a couple of tunes we had never played live before, we already
knew most of the songs really well, but we had to make sure that the
chemistry was right between us on every song. We knew how rapidly a song
could go wrong when we were not prepared enough and as soon as this happens,
it would become really hard for all of us to find our place and know where
we're supposed to be. We needed to be completely ready for the first gig.
There was no way we were gonna set foot on stage unprepared, especially
since it had been a while since we had played live. With this tour, we were
taking it to a whole other level. We were gonna play much bigger venues,
there was a lot more money involved and the gigs were going to be much more
elaborated with lighting effects, huge screens, the whole bit! We played
with the big boys here now. It had to be professionally done.

This morning, we had an appointment at the hairdresser's because for some
reason, the label wanted us to have the same haircut for the promotion and
the beginning of the tour as the one we had on the booklet of the album. The
pictures had been taken a couple of months before. We thought that was plain
stupid but we were not gonna start arguing with them on little details like
this. It was not worth it.
Apparently, we had to use our image to sell ourselves just as much as our
music since we were not exactly repulsive. I mean, with the right outfits,
the right looks and attitude and the right photographer, we could have sold
the worst possible song with just a picture. There were a few extremely hot
pictures of us out there. (fully dressed ones!)

We left home around 7.30 and headed to the hairdressing salon to start a day
of promotion.

I was sitting down on a chair, in front of a large mirror, my hair wet,
reading a magazine and waiting for someone to cut my hair when a woman
motioned Jordan to sit down next to me

"Mark I'm turning gay" he told me

"what?" I asked raising my head to look at him. Jordan! gay? Yeah sure, and
I think Rob was about to turn straight any moment now too

"a guy just gave me a hard-on" he laughed

"what are you talking about?" I asked, stupidly not getting it at all

"who shampooed your hair?" he asked

"the blond" I said glancing at the woman who had washed my hair

"oh man, you missed out"

"why?"

"Rob" he called, but Rob didn't hear him
"Dylan, Dylan" He said a little louder. They were both patiently waiting on
a sofa for someone to take care of them and they both looked at Jordan when
they heard him. He motioned them to come closer with his hand and they came
over to us

"get the guy over there to shampoo your hair, you're not gonna believe it!"
Jordan told them, lowering his voice and glancing at the guy "I bet Damon is
having a good time right now" he laughed because Damon was having his hair
washed by the guy.

"why? What is it about him?" Rob said looking at the guy like he didn't find
him particularly attractive

"I know Rob, he's not cute enough for you! but man, he's good with his
hands. He gives the best skull massage ever. Jeez, I think I need to jerk
off!" He said moving around, trying to find a better position for his cock

I laughed and looked down at his crotch. Yeah, the thing was noticeably
bulging

A woman walked past us and he quickly stopped her "excuse me, where is the
bathroom?"

"oh, second door on your left" she indicated him with her hand

"thanks" He said getting up and hurrying toward the bathroom

"Is he actually going to do this?" Rob laughed

"well it's Jordan" I laughed, looking at him walk away "I think he is"

Dylan laughed too "I can't believe him, does the thing ever go down?"

We had a good laugh and Damon soon sat down on a chair next to the one on
which Jordan had been sitting

"Oh my God guys" He said sighing, completely relaxed, sinking into the chair
a little.

"Yeah we know" I complained before he could say anything else "this is so
unfair. Am I the only one who's not gonna get to enjoy this?"

Damon sighed again "I want to come back here every morning, do you think we
can?" he chuckled

A couple of minutes later, I saw Jordan get out of the bathroom, looking
around a little as though he was worried that someone would know what he had
done in there. He was probably feeling a bit naughty. He looked at us,
smiled and quickly walked back over to us. He put his hand on Damon shoulder
and leaned over, whispering in his ear "the bathroom is free if you want"
Damon looked up at him, grinning but a bit surprised. Jordan sat back down
on the chair between Damon and me and I definitely wasn't gonna miss an
opportunity to tease him a little.

"feeling better?" I asked him, grinning

"oh man, I shot buckets" he said sighing

"you did this here?" Damon said under his breath. Jordan nodded and they
both laughed

Rob looked at me happily "oh my God, he's turning gay. This guy did it!" he
told me grinning broadly "we just have to finish the job now"

Jordan laughed a bit uncomfortably, looking up at Rob and shaking his head
"sorry, but I pictured Alyssa Milano, I think I'm still straight"

"eh don't be so sure, gay guys like her" Rob laughed

"yeah, and you got all turned on by a guy" I laughed, teasing him

"no, not the guy, just his hands" he said as if he was trying to convince
himself

"that's how it starts. Right Mark?" Rob smiled

"oh yeah" I smiled too, knowing how bad his hands and his touch turned me on
"I'm proud of you Jordy" I grinned, patting his thigh. He laughed, shaking
his head again, a bit embarrassed "don't call me that"

He didn't know that Rob knew what he had told Rachel but I think he was
starting to wonder if maybe Rob knew something because it seemed like Rob
was always making little allusions to see how Jordan would react.
And I gotta say, it was pretty fun to watch.

Like the other day for instance, we had all decided to eat out in a Chinese
restaurant. We were all having a drink waiting for someone to take our
orders when Jordan got up to use the bathroom I think.
When he came back a few minutes later, he was smiling to himself, looking
all cheerful and happy, so Rob laughed and went "why are you so happy?" and
at the exact same time, a cute guy walked past us, looking all cheerful too
so Rob looked at him walk away and went "well, he looks happy too" eyeing
Jordan suspiciously "maybe I don't have anything left to teach you after
all" and we all cracked up and Jordan put his face in his hands, shaking his
head, unable to answer back.  Rob just kept seizing every possible
opportunity to do that kind of comment and yeah, it was fun to watch.

"alright, I gotta try this" Rob said walking over to this miracle-working
masseur

"hey you'd better think about me" I told him as he walked away and he turned
around quickly, grinning at me

"damn" I said. "Dylan, you're not allowed to try this if I don't" I laughed

Two women came up behind us and started cutting my hair and Jordan's so we
couldn't turn around to look at Rob but Dylan and Damon were watching him
and laughing a little. When the guy was done with Rob, a woman motioned him
to sit down on a chair next to mine and wait for someone to cut his hair

"Oh my God" He said with contentment

"did you pop a bone?" Jordan asked smiling, not caring about the women
cutting our hair and I laughed.

Rob looked at him and smiled "that was un-believable"

"you like our barber" the woman cutting my hair asked smiling.

"oh that's embarrassing" Jordan said scrunching down in his chair

Rob smiled and looked up at her "my God, he must be good in bed"
I quickly turned my head and stared at him, my eyes wide open. What was he
trying to do here, out himself!

"oh he certainly is" she smiled "he's very popular. He's got a lot of fans
in this salon" she laughed

"well Mark, I'm sorry but it looks like it's my turn" Dylan said walking
away

"oh come on!" I complained

Rob leaned over a little and whispered in my ear  "don't worry, I picked up
his technique" and I looked at him smiling coyly

Well, we sure were in a good mood to start the day, too bad it didn't last!

--------

Around noon, Tom (who was still managing us) told us that Rob and I were
scheduled for an interview with `the Sun', one of the worst but most popular
tabloid type paper in the UK, there was no escaping them. They just wanted
to interview Rob and I about the album. It seemed like we were always the
ones to work the most, not fair!
Since it was lunchtime, Tom suggested that he and the guys go have lunch
nearby while Rob and I gave the interview.

We entered the room where we were going to be interviewed and sat down on
two chairs in front of a black desk.
The room was small and cozy and there were a lot of old articles plastered
on the walls and I stood up to have a look at them while we waited for the
journalist to show up.
Rob didn't get up and we chatted about everything and anything until the
journalist walked into the room. He was a tall, quite handsome man with a
very English attitude and he seemed to be in his thirties.
A big black guy, who looked like a bodyguard, all serious and emotionless,
immediately followed him. He stood by the window, looking through it.
The journalist introduced himself and sat down behind the desk and I slowly
sat back down on the chair. Before we even exchanged a single word, a woman
came into the room with three glasses of orange juice and placed them in
front of us.
Rob and I took a sip of the orange juice and calmly waited for the
journalist to start the interview.

He looked at us with a slight smile on his face and took a folder in his
hands that he had placed on the desk just a few seconds before. He opened
it, not saying a single word and retrieved a large white paper.

He looked at us sombrely and turned it around, placing it in front of us on
the desk. Rob and I had one look at it and instantly understood that we were
out to the world.

It was a picture and we were kissing.

We stared at the picture dumbly and stunned for a few seconds, then looked
at each other, completely bewildered and then looked at the journalist
inquiringly.

He looked at us and clapped his hands together
"I bet you weren't expecting this today, were you?" he said extremely proud
of himself, which made me hate him on the spot.
I knew this interview was going to be pretty shallow and I definitely didn't
expect a very spiritual interview about the meaning of our lyrics but I
certainly didn't expect this indeed.

I looked at the picture again. Shit! I had no idea when or where it had been
taken. We had been careful. We always made sure we were alone or at least
around people we could trust before we kissed or touched each other.
It could be pretty frustrating sometimes but I guess it was the price we had
to pay to protect ourselves from these people, who despite our discretion,
had still managed to corner us.

We didn't say anything, just looked at him apprehensively, looked at the
picture again and looked at each other, stunned, bewildered, confused, taken
aback, mad, nervous, worried, anxious ... We were totally cornered and we had
no idea how to react. We weren't really prepared for this. We had decided
that we would probably come out soon, yes, but to discuss it and to actually
take the plunge were two different things.

We knew we had to start thinking about it more seriously. But we really
thought it was something we would not have to deal with for another few more
months. We didn't know exactly when we'd come out but we certainly didn't
want to do it a few days after the release of the album and a few weeks
before the beginning of a world tour. Plus, we thought that we would get to
decide in which paper or magazine we would do it and The Sun' was definitely
not on the list.
We knew there was some risk that something like this might happen, or that
someone might sell a story but so far, we hadn't really thought about it
that much. We were probably still too innocent to think this would happen.
Somehow, we hoped we would just slip through the net.

"well boys, there are three different ways of dealing with this" he told us
with self-assurance

Still, we didn't say anything, but our eyes were saying everything.

"whether you don't want anybody to see this tomorrow in the morning paper
and in that case, you're gonna need to make a big gesture...."

Well, that made Rob react
"Are you blackmailing us?" he screamed at the guy "You want money?"

"get used to it boys, the world is not a perfect place. Money is all that
can save you right now. It depends on how bad you want to stay in the
closet. But I'll consider a number with 5 zeros if I were you"

"Pounds?" rob screamed "Are you fucking kidding me?" Wow he was mad. He
stood up roughly and so did the guy.
He stopped him immediately "I wouldn't do that if I were you" he warned Rob
as the huge black guy by the window took a few steps toward us. Oh, that's
why he was here.

Rob glared at them, stood still for a few seconds as he shot them a
poisonous look, and trust me, with his eyes he could give a pretty good and
intimidating one and I could tell that the journalist lost his
self-assurance for a few seconds when he met Rob's gaze and saw the look in
his eyes. I saw him hesitate and he looked at Rob uneasily, worried about
what he might do.

He immediately broke eye contact and looked at me but saw the same furious
expression in my eyes. He seemed to pull himself together very quickly
though, the hesitation in his behavior lasting only a few short seconds and
he looked at us with confidence again, standing up to Rob, waiting for him
to sit back down. He was so fucking satisfied, proud and sure of himself, he
knew he had us. I was feeling nothing but hatred for this guy and I started
wondering how someone could take this much pleasure in destroying other
people's lives just to make money. Not that he was going to completely
destroy our lives but I'm sure we were not the first ones to be blackmailed
by the Sun.

Rob continued staring at him angrily as he slowly sat back down against his
will.

"well, you don't seem to be very keen on the idea but I'm afraid you're not
gonna like what I'm about to say now either" he told us almost snickering.

"If you or your label refuse to pay, tomorrow, you're out! We make up a
story, print the picture on the front page, everybody knows you're gay
tomorrow morning"

Rob yelled at him "You can't do that, we'll sue you"

"You can try" he said with confidence. MY GOD! If there was any innocence
left in our eyes, it disappeared at that instant. I suppose it would cost a
lot of money to sue a paper like the Sun, especially since they wouldn't
exactly be lying, printing that we were gay. Plus suing them wouldn't really
make a big difference apart from taking our revenge, because they would have
out us anyway, the damage would be done.

Rob chuckled and stood up, placing both his hands on the desk and looking at
the guy straight in the eye as he said with contempt "you're such a bastard.
Look at you! Don't you have any self-respect? How can you do this and still
look at yourself in a mirror?"

The journalist quickly turned his head toward the bodyguard, who immediately
went over to us. He forced Rob to step back by firmly pressing his hand on
Rob's torso and he pushed him forcefully down onto the chair, Rob resisting
a little.

Rob sighed and shook his head, looking at the guy disdainfully. The
bodyguard took a few steps back and sat on the edge of the large desk,
keeping an eye on Rob.

I was still calmly sitting down but inside I was just as pissed off as he
was. I think I was just too stunned to even move.
"so what is the third option?" I asked with an angry tone, even though it
was pretty obvious what it was.

The journalist looked at me and the bastard actually smiled haughtily "you
give us an exclusive interview and come out in the next month"

We looked at him in surprise "in the next month?" I said, sickened.

"That's right" he simply said "You get to name your own terms. We'll publish
an article that will be the truth and nothing but the truth"

We stared at him, and shook our heads slightly, completely unable to take a
decision. We were just completely bewildered. This was not good.

"so there you go boys! If you refuse to pay or to come out, you're out. I'll
give you a few minutes" He said proudly and we watched him walk out of the
room followed by the huge black bodyguard

As soon as the door was closed, Rob roughly stood up, pushing the chair down

"FUCK" he screamed as he made a fist and hit the wall in a fit of anger

"Calm down" I told him

"this guy is the biggest asshole I have ever met. Can you believe that guy?"
He asked in disbelief, his voice getting louder

I put my face in my hands and sank into the chair, sighing.

"Tom" I heard Rob say into the phone after a few seconds "we have a big
problem ... the Sun, it was not an interview, they have a picture of Mark
and I kissing and they're threatening to out us" he told him. I looked at
him anxiously as he explained the situation to Tom.

"Dammit" He said picked up the chair and sitting down just after hanging up
the phone, but he stood up again almost right away. He started pacing back
and forth in the room "Tom is gonna be here soon, he said we shouldn't talk
to them as long as he's not here"

"I cannot believe this is happening" I said calmly, still sitting down

"Mark, what are we gonna do?" He asked worriedly. I didn't answer, because I
just didn't have the answer. I took the picture in my hands and looked at it

"When did they take this?" I said, quite clueless

"I have no idea"

"We've been careful. Maybe it's a fake. Paparazzi do that all the time,
don't they?" I said

"You think?" he asked with hope in his voice, walking over to me to look at
the picture. His hope soon vanished and he sighed as he sat down again "but
even if it's a fake, we didn't deny it, it's too late now"

"damn, you're right, we should have denied it" I said, closely examining the
picture "maybe it was just a ruse to make us spill the beans"

Rob sighed dejectedly, "what's done is done!" He got up again "Oh man, I
hate these people, I don't want to come out in ` the Sun', that's the worst
paper to come out in"

"Shouldn't we just give them the money?" I asked unsure

"WHAT?" he exclaimed staring at me and sitting back down and I looked at him
like I couldn't quite understand why he was so appalled by this

"No, we shouldn't! I'm not giving them any money, no way, it'd be like we're
just so ashamed that we have to pay to keep our dirty little secret, no, we
are so not going to do this"

"but Rob, they're robbing us of our choices here anyway! if we don't pay, we
have to come out in the Sun in the next month, and no matter what we decide
to do, they win. Even if we decide not to pay and not to come out, they'll
out us and they'll still win. Whatever we decide to do, they're gonna make
money out of it ... so shouldn't we just forget we have principles right now
and do what's best for us and our career?"

He just looked at me, perplexed "I cannot believe you just said that. No, we
shouldn't! We should stick to our principles. What kind of people are we if
we let them manipulate us like that? I'm not letting them win, it will
betray everything we are"

"But they'll win anyway"

"No they won't! If we come out and be honest, we'll win, they won't have the
power to manipulate us anymore"

"But they'll get exactly what they want. Don't you see? They want an
exclusive interview to make as much money as possible out of our coming out"

"but either way, they're gonna make money out of it, it's just business,
because even if we come out in another paper, they'll write an article, even
if they don't have an exclusive interview and they'll still make money"

I sighed and looked at him confused and anxious. We didn't say anything for
a few seconds. Our minds were racing as we tried to find a way out.

"Look" he told me "the point is that we can't let them out us or God knows
what kind of twisted version of the truth they're going to write and that's
all people will remember. Most people always believe the first thing they
read. And God, there're so many people reading this bloody paper every
morning, we just can't let them out us. And I am not paying to stay in the
closet, so there's only one possibility left"

"OR" I said thinking of something "we tell them we'll come out but give an
exclusive interview to another paper as soon as we get out of here before
they even have time to do anything"

He looked at me like it was a brilliant idea but I realized almost right
away that it wasn't

"oh but no, wait ... they won't let us get out of here without making us
sign a exclusivity arrangement first" I sighed and his hope vanished too

"we are so screwed" I said shaking my head and almost laughing. Jeez, Why
did it have to be so complicated to be gay? Why did people have to make such
a big deal out of it? No one is going to be on the first page of the Sun to
say that they're straight now are they? Why does somebody's sexuality have
to be so damn important to some people? It was really pissing me off that we
had to justify ourselves like this. Because this shouldn't even be an issue!

Rob sighed "Mark, we don't really have a choice! With the release of the
album, people are gonna start asking more and more questions and we're
probably gonna have to come out soon anyway. I didn't think we would be
forced to do it so soon but now, I just don't see what else we can do"

"but man, in the Sun! and now? Rob, it's too soon. The album has just been
released and we said we would at least wait until the end of the tour"

"oh this really sucks" he sighed dejectedly again, putting his face in his
hands and leaning forward. We really didn't know what to do here.

We continued talking as we waited for Tom and the guys to get here. It was a
decision we had to take all together anyway. When they arrived, they all
looked pretty worried.

"guys" Tom told us "we're gonna need to make some serious damage control
here, how much money are they asking for?"

"a lot" Rob replied "but it doesn't matter because we are not given them any
money"

Dylan put his hand on my shoulder and kind of massaged it gently as to tell
me it was gonna be ok, even though we had no idea what was going to happen

"I'm afraid we don't really have a choice Rob" Tom said authoritatively

"well, we can just come out" Rob said decisively

"Are you out of your mind?" Tom screamed at him

"No, I'm not, I'm thinking very clearly" he responded decisively

"You cannot come out now, it's the worst possible time to come out"

The guys had been pretty quiet, looking at us anxiously but Jordan said
"Why? maybe not, maybe it's the perfect time"

Tom threw his arms in the air
"Jordan, please think before you speak. This is ridiculous, you gonna ruin
your career!" he loudly said

"no we won't" Rob told him "everybody already thinks I'm gay"

"No, Rob they don't! A few people hope that you are, but most people hope
that you're straight. Playing with all the gay innuendoes in the media and
in your lyrics is one thing Rob but you're not sitting here confirming it!
So, you've never said you're straight but so far you've never said you're
gay either and people can still think whatever they want, and most of them
want to think that you're straight! It might be a game to you right now, but
once you say it loud and clear, it won't be that much fun anymore! You're
about to become huge! HUGE! And you've all worked very hard to get to this
point. Do you really want to throw all this out of the window!"

Rob sighed "Tom, we have plenty of gay fans"

"but you have plenty of straight fans as well"

"so!" I said "almost all the gigs in Europe are already sold out, people are
not gonna tear up their tickets"

"some might, some will" Tom told me firmly

"well if people are stupid enough to do that, then fuck them" Rob screamed

"Rob!" I exclaimed, not wanting him to talk like this, even if he was mad

"you're about to go on a world tour" Tom said in a decisive tone "and yeah,
the gigs are sold out in Europe, great! What about the rest of the world?
What about the States?! Do you think they're gonna buy a ticket to see a
band with a gay singer? That's the kind of news they're not gonna like over
there. They don't know you well enough, if you come out now, to them, you
will just be the band with the gay singer"

"well then so be it! if they don't like that, it's just too bad" Rob said
firmly

"Rob, it will completely change the image people have of the band. Your fans
might be ok with it but you still have a long way to go, and most people
will stop at the gay thing without even giving you a chance"

Rob passed his hand over his face and turned around, walking toward a corner
of the room, knowing that what Tom was saying made sense. He pressed his
forehead against the wall and I just stood still next to Tom and Dylan,
wondering what the hell we were going to do.

We all grew silent, thinking. There was a definite tension in the air and
the atmosphere in the room was heavy and electric.
Jordan walked over to Rob. He placed his hands on each side of Rob's face
and whispered something to him before hugging him against him and talking in
his ear to calm him down. Rob buried his face in the crook of Jordan's neck
and hugged him too as Jordan comforted him and rubbed his hand up and down
his back. After a few seconds, Damon joined them and rubbed the back of
Rob's neck, talking to him soothingly too. I don't think Rob really knew
what to do with himself, he was about to lose it. I was glad they were there
for him because I was pretty much in the same state as he was and I really
couldn't help him. He needed his friends, I was just as scared and confused
as he was.

I think we were really starting to realize what it all meant, especially for
Rob. Because the thing was that, even though he and I were in the same boat,
we both knew that he would be the one who would have to deal with this the
most. Journalists were once again going to focus their attention on him and
he will be the one to be really labeled as gay, he'll be the one to carry
this on his shoulders. I'll just be the boyfriend. At first, that's probably
how most people who didn't know us really well would think because so far,
when people heard UNI, they thought ` Robbie'! Apart from our fans, people
would probably just think of me as ` this guy from the band that Robbie
dates'.

I think Rob was afraid to lose people's respect. He needed to know that
people liked him, respected him for who he was and he was taking the risk of
losing that respect.

The journalist opened the door and walked into the room

"so have you made a decision?" he asked with the same confidence and
arrogance as before. God I hated him.

"No" Tom said nastily "and it's gonna take a little more time, so leave us
alone, will you?"

The guy didn't say anything, he stood there for a few seconds, watching us
about to retort something I think, but he decided against it and walked out
of the room.

"look" Tom told us "let me go talk to them. Maybe I can convince them to at
least give you a little more time. Maybe they'll let you come out after the
tour. Just stay here alright, I'll talk to them and call EMI. We can't take
a decision like this without discussing it with the label first anyway"

"Tom, we should probably do it now" Rob told him, letting go of Jordan, his
eyes a bit wet

"Rob, you really don't want this tour to be a success, do you?" Tom said a
bit annoyed

"we should just get it over with before they just decide to out us"

"AFTER THE TOUR ROB, AFTER THE TOUR!" he told him loudly and firmly before
storming out of the room.

We all looked at each other, realizing the seriousness of the situation,
knowing this could have a tremendous impact on our future and that it would
probably change a lot of things as long as the band was concerned.  I walked
over to Rob. Jordan and Damon kind of left me alone with him and went over
to where Dylan was standing, near the desk. I took Rob's hand in mine and
kissed his cheek. He rested his head on my shoulder and I put my other hand
in his hair

"God guys" Damon started saying "maybe Tom is right, the album has just been
released, the tour is about to start, it's a pretty big risk to take, I
mean, we still have a lot to prove and maybe we should prove it before you
come out"

We walked over to them and sat down on the chairs. I think this had
completely drained us of our strength for some reason. I knew I just really
needed to sit down.

"God, I just don't know" I said "but it is probably a pretty bad time to do
it"

"but then again, maybe it's not" Dylan said and I was a bit surprised that
he would think that. He was usually the one who was the most worried about
the consequences our coming out would have on the band "Most people suspect
anyway" he said, talking to Rob "and I know you'd love to be able to sing
the songs, knowing people know what some of the lyrics mean to you. Maybe it
could be the best tour ever because the fans will feel like they really know
you"

"but what if Tom is right" Damon said "what if they decide that they don't
want to listen to a band with a gay singer and that they won't buy our album
or won't come to our gigs"

"some probably will" Jordan said "but we've talked about this before, if
they decide to turn their back on us, then they're not worth it. But come
on, guys, our fans are pretty open-minded, I'm pretty sure everything will
work out ok"

"we'll make a tremendous service to the gay community here" Rob said "I'm
sure it could help a lot of gay guys to feel better about themselves and who
they are. I think it's worth it"

"we are going to lose fans anyway" I said "and some people will probably
decide not to buy the album just because we're gay, but at the same time,
we're probably going to gain a lot of fans too, cool and open-minded ones" I
smiled

"you know" Rob started telling me "we've already taken the decision a while
ago. Sure, it was easy to say that we'd come out someday when we didn't
actually have to do it but right now we're just scared, but the decision,
we've already taken it. Maybe it's not the best time but maybe we should
just get it over with and it could be kind of cool to go on tour, knowing
that our fans know"

"god this is probably completely stupid to worry about this" Damon said "but
seriously what if they just don't come. What if it just fucks the whole tour
up?"

"you're right, it's completely stupid to worry about this" Jordan said and
we laughed a little "Mark's right, people are not gonna tear up their
tickets. Come on, it's not the 18th century anymore. And you know what? I
bet people won't even be that surprised"

"but what about the States?" Damon said

"What about the States?" Jordan repeated as if the question was not even
worth asking "They're just gonna have to get used to it. Look, he actually
sings about being gay, it's just part of our identity" he told Damon and
then looked at Rob and I "and I think it's about time you tell people the
truth. And it's not like you need to stay in the closet, you were going to
come out anyway. I know you want to make sure we're famous enough for this
not be an issue but right now, people listen to the lyrics, giving them
whatever meaning they want to give them, but don't you want them to know
what they really mean?"

"Sure" rob said in a low voice "I want to be honest about this, and I know I
have to be honest about this but...it's hard"

"guys" Jordan continued "they have you with your backs to the wall here and
I'm afraid that if you back out and decide to wait, you might take an even
bigger risk. Now that they know, they could just out you whenever they want.
Even if we pay, these people, they are unscrupulous. And if it's not The
Sun, it might be another paper. Too many people are asking questions. If you
do it now, you won't have to worry about this anymore"

"I know" I said "I guess I'm just scared of what's gonna happen"

"you know, I'm scared too" Rob told me "but I'm tired of feeling like this.
Maybe we should just get it over with, no matter what happens. We'll finally
have the freedom to be ourselves. We won't have to hide anymore"

"yeah" Jordan said "maybe you just need a little push. Maybe this is
actually a good thing"

"yeah maybe" Damon said "you might never have the balls to actually do it if
no one ever gives you a good kick you in the ass" he said with a laugh

"so are you going to do this?" Dylan asked after a few seconds of silence

"I guess" Rob said almost in a whisper staring into space "let's just wait
for Tom to come back"

We all grew silent, lost in our own thoughts.
"oh my God Mark" Dylan suddenly exclaimed "your mother's gonna freak, your
whole family's gonna know"

"I know" I sighed looking up at him "you think I haven't thought about this
already?"

"Does it really matter?" Damon said "you haven't talked to any of them for
so long anyway"

"I don't really want to think about this right now but I'm actually kind of
happy that they're finally gonna know my version of the story"

I had grandparents, a lot of aunts and uncles on my mother's side and of
course cousins who were about the same age as me and for now, they probably
thought that I was so uncaring, arrogant and big-headed that I had
completely forgotten that they existed. Because that's what my mother had
told them.

My sister was calling me once in a while. She was a nice girl and we tried
to talk regularly. She came to London with a friend of hers and Rob's family
for the party we had organized for my birthday and Rob's (which had been one
hell of a party by the way)
Of course she didn't tell my parents that she was coming to see me. She
never told them that she was still talking to me. Talking about me had
become taboo in the house. I think it was like I was never born.

>From what she had told me, my mum had said to the rest of my family that I
was not fit to be part of the family, or something like that, because I,
apparently, didn't make any effort to stay in touch with her, I never
called, never told her how I was doing. I was the bad guy. She had told them
that I didn't care about her, that I had no respect for my family because I
had just left without looking back, without telling anyone what was going on
in my life, which was pretty much the truth, expect that they didn't know
why I had done it. Of course, she had also told them that I was with Rachel
and that I had taken her grandson away from her, never letting her see him.
What a load of crap.

I asked my sister if she had told anyone about me being gay, since she still
saw everyone regularly but she told me she was a bit worried about how they
would react. Plus if she told one of them, they would probably all find out,
and my mum would just die of shame. This kind of secrets don't stay secrets
very long when one or two persons know. I would have told them, but I didn't
want to cause trouble and we spent so little time in Ireland that I didn't
really feel like it was something I had to do since I was not allowed to see
them or talk to them anyway.
They didn't really understand why I had completely disappeared all of a
sudden. I mean, I was never there for birthdays or family dinners, for
Christmas or all those important family stuff, when I had never been allowed
to miss one before. So yeah, they just thought I didn't care. The thing was
that I had absolutely no idea how they would react so I was not really
looking forward to them finding out. I hoped some of them would be
open-minded enough and understand. But what was I gonna do? Tell them I'm
gay and go back to my life? It would have been different if I were still in
Ireland, if I could see them regularly, if I actually had to deal with this
every day, but now, I just didn't feel like I even knew them anymore. I
hadn't seen them for so long. It was sad to say, but I was not part of the
family anymore.

We all continued talking for quite a long time, sort of coming to a decision
but still a bit bewildered by what was happening and by the way these
journalists were acting. Rob wanted to ask his parents' opinion so he called
them.
We knew we were probably taking a big risk here by coming out. We ran the
risk of losing everything, even though I really didn't think we would.  We
knew it was not the best time, we knew it was not the best paper but we also
knew that, even if we came out in another paper or magazine, all the
tabloids would pick up the story so at the end of the day, it would not make
a big difference.

And we also knew that as soon as we'll come out, we won't have to worry
about it anymore. It will take a huge weight off of our shoulders. We will
finally have the freedom to be ourselves, to say what we really wanted to
say, in the lyrics, on stage, in the media, and we won't have to be scared
that someone might out us anymore, especially now that journalists knew
about us.
And come to think of it, we had managed to keep it a secret for 5 years,
well 3 since we had moved to England, it wasn't so bad, could have been
worse.

Tom finally came back and as he entered the room, he told us,
"well I wasn't expecting this, but people at EMI think you should come out.
They are aware that you will have to do it eventually anyway because of the
new album and they think that your fans will find out sooner or later, so
might as well be sooner. So basically, they agreed to pay the Sun if you're
not ready to do it yet, but if you are, well nothing's stopping you!" he
told us a bit defeated "but in my opinion, if you care about it at all, I
think it's completely mad to do this now"

Rob and I looked at each other hesitantly
"can you give us a few minutes alone?" I asked them.

"sure" Dylan said. Rob and I stood up and they all headed out the door, Rob
closing it behind them. He then came over to me and I hugged him tight
against me to comfort him.
He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I closed my eyes and smelled
his hair, inhaling the clean, fresh, soothing scent of him.
"Rob" I told him "what they think is important, but in the end it's our
decision. Are we really sure we want to do this?"

"I think I am" he said raising his head and I peered into his eyes. I saw
determination. I knew he was serious about this. And if he was ready to take
this step, then so was I.

"I think I am too" I said and took a deep breath

"Man, this is scary" he sighed pressing his forehead against mine and
looking down

"baby, it's gonna be ok" I told him putting my hand under his chin to make
him look at me "we'll get through this, we have each other, it's all that
matters"

He looked into my eyes and smiled slightly "I love you" he told me with this
amazing sincerity in his voice "and people are finally going to know that"

I smiled and pressed my lips lightly against his "you're amazing"

We talked for a few minutes, just to make sure we were taking the right
decision, I mean, if we agreed to come out, there was no turning back.

We asked the guys to come back in and we told them that we had decided to do
it. We talked about it a little more and Tom discussed the terms of the
agreement with the paper.
The same journalist re-entered the room with another man who seemed to be
older and working above him. The man sat behind the desk and pulled out an
agreement as well as a piece of paper with a few questions to think about
before the interview, which was scheduled for the following week.

We sat down, read the agreement and he handed us a pen. Rob and I looked at
them with contempt as we signed and then we stood up and all stormed out.
That's the very last interview we would give to the Sun, believe me!


--------
OK, I NEED YOUR HELP HERE! I really don't know when I'll be able to sit down
and write another chapter because I have exams soon and a lot of studying to
do but before I even start writing, I need to ask you a few questions to you
real UNI fans! lol

1. Would you like to read the article written in "the Sun"? Read their
coming-out basically? Because I'm no journalist but I think I might be able
to do that by changing a few things in a real article! But I wanna make sure
that you're not just interested in the sex! lol

2. To all you American fans out there! How do you think the US public will
react? Or how would you like them to react? I'd like to keep it real but I
just don't know. What do you think?

3. And finally, the Jordan thing! Interested?? Or is it too weird for you?
lol
[ I know it's too weird for BAD! lol ;) ]

Ok ok, I know, it's my story, but please, don't let me take all these
important decisions all by myself!

Citizentoo@hotmail.com