Date: Sun, 05 Jun 2005 02:47:02 +0200
From: marc p <citizentoo@hotmail.com>
Subject: "on our way to fame" chapter8 (revised)

The following story is entirely a work of fiction.

The story below is a love story and involves sex between adult males. If
that offends you, I wonder how you ended up here! All the usual rules apply,
if it's illegal for you to read this, don't, and if you're under 18, I
suppose it's time for you to leave unfortunately.

my mother tongue is not English so if I made any mistakes, I apologize.
This is my first attempt at writing a story and I'd love to know what you
think
so please, send your comments, they are eagerly requested:
citizentoo@hotmail.com

Thank you for checking out my story and thanks to the readers who have sent
me their feedback. I really appreciate it, it means a lot!

Here comes Chapter 8, I hope you're gonna have a good time reading this!

-------

chapter 8


As soon as I left Rachel's place, I forced myself to analyse my relationship
with Rob. I was walking very slowly, taking my time. I was in no hurry to
tell him. I was still scared of his reaction but I was more ready for it
now. I had had time to think about it. If he told me he didn't want to be
with me anymore, I would fight for him. I would do everything I could to
regain his trust, to make sure he knew how much I loved him. I couldn't
really imagine him breaking up with me though. I was more worried about
hurting him than losing him.  I knew it was gonna be hard to take for him
but I hoped we could get past this. It was the first time since we had
gotten together that I felt our relationship was in jeopardy. Before it was
sort of a given, we loved each other and I had no reason to worry. This was
much more uncertain now.

Everything between us had been pretty perfect from the start, maybe too
perfect. His parents were ok with us, our friends too. We were experiencing
a love and passion for each other that was pretty damn special. But it was
still our first relationship. We had fallen in love with each other so
young. Everyone says that teenage romances don't usually last. The odds are
against it, right? first love and all. But I was sure we were different. So
sure. I knew in my heart that I could never feel the same love and passion
for anyone else, ever. Because I couldn't be that close to anyone else. No
one could know me as well as he did. It was just impossible. We knew each
other so well, every little thing, every little secret. We had shared so
much together, we played, we laughed, we fought, we cried, we made love, we
fucked, we dreamed, we studied, we worked....We had traveled every steps of
our lives together and now we were realizing our dreams together... We were
soul mates. I really think we were.

There was this amazing, strong feeling in my body everytime I was with him
or thought about him that told me it was love. He was everything to me. He
had taught me how to love. My father only showed me hate and I can't really
remember my mum giving me a hug or a kiss. Rob and his family gave me their
love and affection, unconditionally.
I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for them. I'm sure of that.

I could still see us together way into the future even though I didn't know
what the future held in store for us. It would probably not be easy. We were
young, we needed to experience life, make mistakes, like the one I had just
made (ok, that one was pretty bad, I hoped my mistakes were not gonna have
that kind of consequences again) but I was so sure we were not going to
drift apart, mainly because of the band. Even if we broke up, we would stay
friends. We hadn't worked so hard to make our dreams come true with UNI to
blow everything up with our personal lives. I really hoped we would always
be able to separate our professional lives and our personal lives, all of
us.

I finally got to his place but I didn't go in. I leaned against the door and
continued analysing everything. Maybe 10 minutes must have passed before I
decided to step inside. Rob was in the kitchen, talking with his mother and
they heard me come in.

" hey, what took you so long? I was about to call you" Rob told me

" yeah, sorry, we had important stuff to talk about" I replied

"really? like what?" he asked unconvinced

"I'll tell you later" I said sitting down.

"ok, boys, don't stay up too long. You have a big day tomorrow. I'm going to
bed" his mother told us giving us a kiss "good night"

"good night"..."we were having a snack, are you hungry?" Rob asked me

"yeah a little" I looked at him, thinking that he really had no idea what I
was about to tell him. I got up from the chair I was sitting on, feeling
very uneasy and closed the kitchen door. He was looking for something in the
fridge as I walked up to him and said

"Rob, about rachel...it's really something important. I tried to tell you
before but I didn't know how and...I can't keep this from you anymore, I
should have told you before"

he closed the fridge, not taking anything out and looked at me "what are you
saying?"

I took a deep breath "you're not gonna like it"

"what?" he asked worried

"We did something really stupid, I, ....oh god, I don't know how to tell you
this" I said passing my hands over my face

"tell me what?" he asked insistently

"I ...rachel and I, we..." It was just so hard to tell him, I was starting
to realize how bad it was

"we had sex" There, I said it. It was done, it was up to him now. I didn't
want him to think I had been cheating on him for months so I tried to give
him all the facts before he could even react

"but look it was just a stupid mistake, it just happened once, and I didn't
want it to happen. it was on dylan's birthday. we were drunk and I wasn't
thinking. It really didn't mean anything, honest. It was quick and
meaningless. I feel terrible about it. I'm really sorry but it's never gonna
happen again, I swear"
he looked at the floor, listening, not saying anything, his hands in his
pockets and when I stopped talking he looked up at me, a look of
bewilderment on his face, not moving. I'm not sure he knew what to do with
this. I really couldn't read him. I wanted to take him in my arms and tell
him I loved him but I couldn't. I don't think he wanted me to. so I just
stood there for a sec and waited for him to say something but he didn't. And
I remembered that I wasn't done yet. Since this didn't seem to cause any
reaction, I decided to get it over with and just finish him off.

"it's not the worst part. She's pregnant now"

his eyes opened wide and his mouth dropped open and he almost started
laughing, clearly taken aback. He looked at me like he just couldn't believe
it was true, "ok" he said in mock laughter "oh, that's a good one" he said
putting one of his hands on his forehead, and then running his fingers
roughly through his hair, walking back and forth in the kitchen "And I
suppose you're not even joking here, right?"

I shook my head and said "no, I'm serious"

he walked towards me and asked bewildered "you got her pregnant? Jeeeez, I
can't believe this... oh my god, please tell me this is just a really bad
dream!" I pressed my lips together and shook my head, probably looking a bit
anxious.

"oh my god, were you ever gonna tell me this?" he asked. I was about to say
something but he didn't wait for me to answer "of course not, cos you don't
think you sleeping with rachel is something I should know! I would have
never known about this if she hadn't gotten pregnant, right?" he said,
looking a bit disgusted. "I knew this was gonna happen, it was just a matter
of time, wasn't it? You probably think it's no big deal. I really shouldn't
care about that, should I?" he exlaimed throwing his hands up in the air a
little

"Of course you should care. look I know how bad it is, and I don't think
it's unimportant. I have no excuses. I feel really bad that it happened. I
wanted to tell you, I really did, I didn't want to keep this from you but I
just didn't know how to tell you, I was so scared of hurting you" I told him
apologizing

"bullshit!" he snapped back  "you just didn't want to get into trouble. you
were just thinking about yourself. it's just so much easier not to say
anything, isn't it?...So tell me, is there anything else I should know while
you're at it?"

"what? No rob, I told you, it was a mistake, a mistake that I'm gonna have
to deal with for the rest of my life now but I didn't plan for it to happen.
I would never do that to you. And it just happened this once, I don't know,
we ended up alone and she started it, but afterwards, I was so disgusted
with myself, I felt so terrible"

"yeah, right!" he said, rolling his eyes "so what now? Is she gonna keep the
baby?"

I looked at him, my expression telling him that it was pretty obvious that
she was and he knew why

"what a bitch!" he exclaimed

"don't say that, you don't mean it"

"yes I do, look, I like rachel, but I'm sorry, lately she's been acting like
a real bitch. Since she broke up with paul, she spent her time trying to get
into your pants and break us up. Well I guess she finally succeeded!"

"what?" I asked him nervously "get into my pants or break us up?"

He was looking at the floor, he seemed to be really sad and disappointed,
but again, I couldn't really read him and I was very worried. I didn't know
what he was thinking until he raised his head, looking a bit scared and
unsettled

"I don't know, are we breaking up?" he asked unsure, tears forming in his
eyes

I couldn't believe he was the one asking me this. I had cheated on him, I
was supposed to be the one worried that he would break up with me, but no,
he was. I should have expected him to react like that. He was scared of
losing me to rachel. He had doubts about us, about how I felt about him. He
had never straightforwardly said anything about that, we had never really
talked about it but I knew him. His actions were betraying him most of the
time. He was always a bit jealous and he constantly needed me to reassure
him that I wanted him, that I loved him, that I was not just waiting for
someone better to come along. I'm not sure I understood why he was feeling
like this but I was pretty sure I was right.

"Why are you the one asking me this? Why do you think that I want to break
up with you? You should be the one to decide whether or not you still want
to be with me"

"I don't know. I'm not sure it's really up to me. What are you gonna do? Do
you want to be with her?" he asked almost resigned

"No! I don't, I want to be with you. I know we can work this out. I don't
want us to break up. Why do you keep having doubts about me? Why are you so
sure that I'm gonna end up breaking up with you sooner or later?" I asked, a
bit aggravated

"Because I have reasons to be...you know if you wanna be with a girl, just
be honest about it, I'll let you go if it's what you really want. Just
don't lead me on, I can't stand that"

"Would you stop, I'm not gonna date her just because she's pregnant with me.
it's not a good enough reason to be with someone, and what reasons? Do you
really feel like I've been leading you on?" he didn't answer but it was
pretty clear the answer was yes "There's nothing between me and Rach, I just
fucked up. ok, we're close but it's just friendship, and this was just a
stupid
drunken mistake. I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with you. How many
times am
I gonna have to tell you this for you to believe me? " I said confronting
him

He looked down and took a deep breath "I know you love me, but you did have
sex with her, and now you're gonna a baby with her, god, what else am I
suppose to think?"

"yeah, I had sex with her, but it's not because I wanted her. it could have
been anyone. I was just so drunk, I don't even really remember how it
happened,
I just...I just didn't think about what I was doing. If I had, I wouldn't
have
done it"

I just looked at him, and said a bit pissed off "You know, I'm really
getting
tired of this"

I was getting mad at him. That was not how it was supposed to happen but I
was the one getting mad because I didn't want him to think like that. I
wanted to put everything on the table once and for all. It had taken us over
3 years to have our first real fight about our relationship but I wanted to
talk about the things we had never talked about. The things that were
starting to really bother me.
Before, my sexuality was not really an issue between us, I was with him so I
was gay, and we just left it at that. But lately, he had started having more
and more insecurities which could destroy our relationship. Maybe it was
linked to the fact that we were growing up and meeting new people. There
were a lot of people in the business, or fans who took an interest in us.
Our relationship was getting challenged. It would have been really easy to
just break up and live it up without worrying about having a boyfriend. But
we were not that kind of people. I knew how it felt like to be truly in
love, and that's what I wanted. I was not looking for infatuation or sex,
and neither was he. I knew we were gonna have to start protecting our love
and actually work to make our relationship work much more than we used to.
Our world was starting to change and we were both a bit worried about that.

I knew he loved me, I knew I could trust him 100% but I'm not sure he felt
the same way about me. It was becoming pretty clear to me that he was
wondering if maybe the reason I loved him was simply because he loved me. He
had started everything between us, not me, and I think he felt like he was
the one who was in love with me and I was just going along or something. Now
he hadn't actually told me this, but I knew he believed I wouldn't really
care if we broke up. That I would just move on and turn straight. Sometimes
I just didn't know what to do anymore to make him understand that his fears
were not justified. It seemed as though he was always trying to do
everything he could to make sure I wouldn't leave him, to make sure he was
everything I wanted him to be. But I didn't want him to feel this way. There
were no reasons for him to behave like this. Well, maybe a little bit. I
suppose at first I had fallen in love with him because he was giving me what
I needed, the love I was craving for. But now, it was different, I was in
love with him, I wasn't in love with the feeling of being in love if you
know what I mean.

"I'm tired of you having doubts about me, about how I feel about you"

"I don't...." he said, staring at the floor

"yes you do, You think I don't love you as much as you love me. You think
I'm with you just because you want me to be. You think that I would be
straight if I weren't with you. Well you know what? you're wrong. I am gay
and it's not because I want to be gay for you.  maybe you helped me
realize that, maybe it would have taken me more time to admit it to myself
but I would have eventually. And even if I could be physically attracted to
a girl, I would still want to be in a relationship with a man because I just
know that no girl can make me feel like you make me feel. There's absolutely
no doubt in my mind about this. So maybe I don't tell you enough or maybe I
don't show it to you enough, but I do love you, so much more than you think.
And I don't love you just because you love me"

He had tears in his eyes and he couldn't look at me but I wanted him to
admit this to me. "Am I right about this? come on, look at me in the eye
and tell me I'm not right about this!"

He looked at me quickly, taking a deep breath again and looked at the floor
saying with sadness in his voice "I just don't wanna lose you"

"you won't. Look I know what I did here is pretty bad, really bad, you have
every right to be upset but I still want to be with you" I put my arms
around him and hugged him close to me. I was starting to cry a little here.
This was a little too overwhelming "No one can know me as well as you know
me or give me what you give me. I know sometimes it's not easy for me to
tell you, it's not exactly like my parents taught me how to be very
demonstrative with my feelings but I really love you. I don't want to be
with anyone else. I need you. You mean so much to me, you're so special, you
make me complete. You know what I mean?" I asked him, with emotion in my
voice

"yeah, I know" he replied resting his forehead and my shoulder but not
holding me

"I'm sorry about rachel, I really am, I don't really know how I'm gonna deal
with this but I want you with me. I need you with me. I hope you can forgive
me" I took his face in my hands and kissed his lips lightly "do you think
you
can forgive me?"

He seemed to think about it. "You know" he started "even if I couldn't, I
don't think I could just be your friend now. It'd be too hard. I need more
than friendship from you. I want to forgive you but that doesn't mean it
doesn't hurt me to know that you slept with her. I hope you mean it when you
say you're never gonna want to be with her. But I don't want you to think
that it's ok for you to do this... to cheat on me whenever you want because
you know I'll just end up forgiving you."

"I really don't think that. It won't happen again. I can't believe I've been
so stupid, you're the last person I want to hurt. I'm so sorry. Just don't
let me drink again and you'll be fine" I laughed a little and he did too,
but that was not a happy laugh.

we finally sat down at the table and I had a snack. We kept talking about
everything for a while, rach, our feelings, there was a lot to say. He was
still very upset. When we stopped talking, we cleaned the kitchen quickly
and when we were done, he said,
"Mark, I think I need time to think about all this. Maybe we shouldn't stay
together tonight. I think I need to be alone"

I sighed. I didn't like that. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to feel
close to him tonight, to fall asleep holding him or him holding me,
whatever, I just needed him tonight. But I guess I couldn't really complain
here. If he needed time, I had to give him time.

"Fine, I don't really want to go home but if that's what you want"

"Just give me some time"

"alright, but we're gonna be ok though, right?" I asked, not really sure I
knew
where we stood

"yeah" he replied and stepped toward me to give me a hug. He pressed his
hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward him. I buried my face in
the crook of his neck and held him tight but he pulled back too soon so I
grabbed his tshirt and pressed my lips against his and we kissed tenderly,
not using our tongues. I passed my lips over his and kissed him again, small
and sweet kisses. Then I kissed his cheek and hugged him again saying "see
you tomorrow, I love you"

I went home, it was late and everyone seemed to be in bed, I was thankful
for that. I went to bed, pretty sure I was gonna have a sleepless night. I
had too many things on my mind. Rachel was pregnant with me, Rob had to
think about whether or not he still wanted me, damn, and on top of that
nigel was putting pressure on my shoulders. There was this song we had
problems with and I knew the next day was going to be a hard, long, tiring
one. Jeez, I wasn't even 19, wasn't that a little too much to handle when
you're just 18???? I'm telling you, I was growing up way too fast. I felt
like I was 25 or something. I was trying to decide whether it was a good or
a bad thing.

-----------

On the next day, Rachel and I talked to her parents in the evening. I was
exhausted but we had to tell them. They were surprised, worried and very
pissed off. They gave us a really good lecture but it was a little too late
for that. They even asked us if we were gonna get married, jeez. We told
them we had made a mistake and that we were not in love. Her father didn't
seem to like that very much but they knew me, they had seen me grow up. At
least, she wasn't pregnant with some random guy. I think they trusted me
enough and hoped I was not gonna run out on her. I was starting to make good
money with the band. And I was pretty sure it was gonna continue. The future
wasn't dark for us. I knew we could financially raise a child and her
parents were gonna help anyway. I had no idea how I was gonna deal with
everything else, the pregnancy, taking care of the baby and all that because
we were gonna start promoting the album and I was worried that I was not
gonna be home very often. We were going to travel a lot, the label expected
us to focus on our career, not anything else.

I was feeling a bit anxious but I was gonna try to be as involved as I
could. I hoped it would be enough. She had her parents, she had a lot of
friends. She was not gonna be alone in this. I just couldn't believe I was
gonna be a father, it was so weird. I've got to admit that having kids was
really not something I was considering, not yet anyway. It had hit me like a
bombshell. I mean I was gay for crying out loud. But after all, that was
probably my only chance to have a kid. I was scared but not completely
freaked out about it. I was pretty sure I would be thankful for my mistake
in a few months. Plus Rachel was one of my best friends. She was the only
girl I really cared about. I knew we would stay friends no matter what. It's
not like I had knocked up a girl I couldn't stand.

We kept working on the album, we were almost done and like for the last one,
there was a lot of pressure to meet deadlines. Five days later, we left the
studio in the evening and took a cab home. When we arrived, Rob went to his
place and I went to mine. The guys were starting to notice that something
was wrong, especially Jordan but I didn't tell him anything. I don't know, I
just didn't want to talk about it. Rachel and I had decided to wait a little
and actually get used to the idea before telling people. I mean she was only
like one month pregnant. Plus I wanted to make sure Rob was ok with it
before telling the guys.

I was beginning to wonder how long this was gonna last. When he said he
needed time, I though he was thinking hours, not days. During the day, we
were so busy, we really didn't have time to sit down and talk, and apart
from the guys, the people we worked with didn't know about us so we couldn't
express our feelings or show affection. We didn't think it was a very good
idea to tell people. It was nobody's business but ours, and we wanted to
protect ourselves and our career. As far as the band was concerned, we were
not planning on coming out anytime soon. But during the day, I never missed
an opportunity to look at him and tell him with my eyes how much I loved
him.

Every night I hoped he would come over, or call. I hated sleeping without
him and staying with my family was not something I liked very much. But it
was up to him and I just had to wait for him to come around. I was starting
to wonder if he ever would. Sometimes I wanted to call him or go to his
place
but I wanted him to come back to me. It was his decision. I knew that if I
made the first move, I would never be sure if he had really forgiven me and
if he had come to terms with his feelings. I didn't want to pressure him
into forgiving me.

That night, I came home to an empty house. Apparently, my family had
occupations they didn't bother telling me about, and honestly I didn't want
them to. I was glad to have the house to myself. I was hanging out in my
room when I heard the door bell ring. I headed downstairs and opened the
door. Finally, he was here. He looked at me and just said hi

"Hi" I answered.

"Are you alone? there's no car"

"yeah, they're all gone"

He came in and we went to my bedroom. When we entered the room, he surprised
me by closing and locking the door behind us. Now that was a good sign. Why
would he lock the door if he didn't expect something to happen? I smiled to
myself and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say.
He leaned against the desk, his hands in his pockets and I sat on the bed.

"look" he started "I did a lot of thinking, and I'm not gonna say I'm not
hurt or worried about this whole pregnancy thing. It's mad. I just can't
believe you're gonna have a baby, but ...."  Yeah, well, neither did I...he
sighed and I just stared at him. He look so fucking handsome. He was wearing
a pair of expensive jeans that fit him perfectly, a tight khaki tshirt and a
black jacket which made him look really good. And I knew how hot he was
underneath these clothes. Tight, strong, hard body, not overly muscular but
toned, just right. I was so attracted to him. His eyes were so beautiful,
his whole face was, but his eyes, god, there was a light in them. I could
always see how he felt just by looking in his eyes and at that instant, I
was pretty sure to see that he was here to forgive me. And he had that
determined attitude I loved about him. He was confident and sure of himself.
He seemed to know where this was going and what he wanted. I really hoped he
was here to have sex because I really wanted him and I was already getting a
hardon. I couldn't wait to touch him and kiss him. God, i loved him.

"but I have to trust you if I want our relationship to work. And I do, I
trust you. If you say you don't want to be with Rachel, well I just have to
believe you. I talked to her and I understand that you didn't want this to
happen" oh really? She hadn't told me that.

"I know you wouldn't purposely do anything to hurt me, and I suppose
everyone's allowed one mistake, but you'd better not do this again! ... no
matter how drunk you are! well actually, just so you know, from now on,
you're not allowed to drink anymore" he chuckled and I smiled

"And you're right" he continued "I have to stop having doubts about us, it's
just stupid. Because now, I know that even though she's pregnant with you,
you still want to be with me and I think I can trust you not to do something
like this again"

"you can, you're the only one I want to be with" I told him

"I know. All this, it just made me realize that you really do love me. I
mean
I knew you did but, well, we're not gonna talk about this again. I guess
this is
the first time we have a serious problem to deal with in our relationship
and now,
I hope we can move on. We just have to be honest with each other, about how
we
feel and what we want"

I smiled a little and stared at him some more. Then I walked toward him and
stood right in front of him, our bodies almost touching. I was holding my
hands behind my back, biting my lower lip and smiling at him. I had a new
hairstyle since a photoshoot for the booklet of the album and my hair were a
little messed up. I knew I was totally irresistible here. I didn't move as I
looked into his eyes and said "I totally agree with that....So... are you
gonna kiss me or do I have to do it?" He smiled too and said "you have to do
it"

I brought my hands to his face and give him one kiss before looking into his
eyes again. The look must have lasted 3 seconds but it was enough to set us
off. The passion between us was back a hundred fold. we pressed our lips
together and he attacked my mouth with his own as I ran my fingers roughly
through his hair and drew him very close to me and he did the same as we
began to spin a little as we kissed.  I felt his lips part and my tongue
brushed his teeth before flashing into his mouth and we kissed hungrily,
moaning a little with each breath. We made our way toward the bed, and I
peeled his jacket off and slipped my hands under his tshirt mumbling "I want
you so much, I love you"

He just groaned and pulled his tshirt off in one quick motion, and slipped
his tongue in my mouth again, grabbing the back of my head. I ran my fingers
over his chest, pinched his right nipple which was already hard and pressed
my hand on his hard stomach. God, he felt so good. The passion was so
overwhelming that I had to stop the kiss but I immediately attacked his neck
with my lips and I grabbed him harder. I nibbled at his neck but after only
a few seconds I felt the need to kiss him again so I licked his lips and
forced my tongue into his mouth again as he tried to undress me but we were
so turned on, it was hard to stop kissing to undress each other.

He pushed his body hard against mine, forcing me to step back closer to the
bed and we fell on it. He unbottoned my pants and pulled them off hastily
along with my socks. We finally stopped touching to remove the rest of our
clothes but as soon as we were both naked, we crushed our bodies together
again and held each other tight, our cocks rubbing up together. I took both
of our cocks in my hand and jacked them off. I could have cum just doing
that, but I didn't want it to end so quickly. However, feeling his hard cock
in my hand like that, I knew I wanted to suck him off. I didn't even bother
licking my way down his body as I attacked his cock with my mouth, sucking
him up and down fast, forcing drops of precum out of it. He smelled and
tasted clean and sweet and I was totally intoxicated by his scent. I licked
the head and ran my tongue under the foreskin, teasing the sensitive area
around the head and he moaned, running his hands through my hair. I held the
base of his cock in my hand, and took more of him in my mouth, wetting his
cock with my saliva. And the more I took, the more I wanted to take so I
settled into the best position to do that right, took a deep breath and
swallowed him completely down my throat. I held him there, feeling his pubes
against my lips.
"umm mmhm" he groaned as he felt that his cock was buried down my throat
and he started to rock his hips slighlty. I pulled back, needing to breathe
and swallowed him again a couple of times but I was pretty sure I had felt
his cock expand in my mouth but I didn't want him to cum yet so I pulled
back and he whined as he tried to hold off blowing his load
"ohhh nooo, god I was so close, shit, you're fucking tease", I giggled and
kissed his navel, jamming my tongue inside.

He put his hand under my arm and pulled me up, apparently needing more body
contact. We pressed our bodies together and kissed again, sucking on each
other's lips and tongues. He caressed and squeezed my ass in his hand as I
continued kissing him and caressing his face. And when he took and felt my
throbbing penis in his hand, he moaned with desire saying "ohh man, you're
so hard, fuck me, please fuck me, I want you in me" he begged

oh god I was so turned on I was afraid this was gonna be too much
stimulation but I was determined to last as long as he wanted me to. I
pressed my hand on his pecs and caressed his taut chest, slidding my body
down lower. I started kissing his cock all over, teasing him some more, and
spread his legs wide to rim him, knowing how much he enjoyed having his ass
played with. He lifted up his ass and I let go of his cock to push my face
into his crack and give his hole a tongue bath. I licked his hole up and
down, concentrating on the wrinkly ridges. I wanted him so bad and he tasted
so clean, I decided to give a good rim job. I tried to make my tongue hard
and firm and began to open him up.
"ohh yeah, don't stop, ohh" he urged and I continued. He moaned so loudly
and
sensually when I pushed my tongue as deep inside him as I could and moved it
around that you'd thought he had cum, god that was a huge turn on. I fucked
him with my tongue and he went wild. He started stroking his cock fast but I
stopped him, wanting him to concentrated only on one sensation. I then
licked my way up to his smooth balls, taking them in my mouth one by one and
rolling them around. He moaned again but asked "oh lick my ass again, feels
so
good"
I did as I was told and fucked him again with my tongue, listening to his
moans and holding his cock in my hand so he won't jerk himself off, when I
remembered something and stopped

"Ohh noooo"

"what?" he asked surprised

"I don't have lube here"

"you don't?"

I shook my head and we laughed. we had never had sex in my room, not once. I
just didn't have lube in my room and rob was the one who always carried the
stuff around . I knew some guys used it to jack off but I didn't. plus I
didn't really need to jack off, we were having sex all the time.

"you're so straight" he said laughing, now that was good, he was actually
able to joke about that, "thank god I'm not!" He quickly climbed down the
bed and picked up his jacket on the floor to retrieve a small sachet of lube
they gave away in gay clubs with condoms. He was back on the bed in a flash
as he tear it open

"you were planning this, weren't you?" I laughed

"What do you think?" he said smiling

He squeezed the liquid out of the sachet and lubed up my cock urgently,
kissing me at the same time. Apparently he wanted it bad and he wanted it
right now. He lay down close to the head of the bed, a pillow behind his
back and told me to give it to him, which I was more than willing to oblige.
I touched my lubed hard penis, making my fingers slippery and pushed a
finger inside him to make sure he was ready but my tongue had opened him up
fine. He gave out a groan and titled his head back. He seemed to be really
eager so I positioned myself at his entrance and started pushing my cock
inside him. He felt so good, It hadn't been more than two weeks since the
last time I had fucked him but it felt like it had been much longer.

"ohh Mark" he sighed. I pressed my chest against his, tucked my hand under
his left knee and held his leg as I began thrusting my cock in and out of
him gently. We moaned, totally in sync with each other and I soon increased
the pace with wich I fucked him. I started breathing faster with each
thrust, slamming my cock into him, giving him full, regular strokes. I
kissed his neck hungrily and nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. We
were groaning a lot and breathing fast. Rob was holding the back of my head
with one hand and roaming his other hand up and down my back, sometimes
pressing his hand on the small of my back to feel my strokes. I raised my
head a little and searched his lips. he held my face in his hands and we
kissed urgently for a few seconds, until we resumed our earlier position.
Rob grabbed the back of my head, moaning with ecsatsy every time I hit his
prostate "mmhhm yeah, fuck me!"

I worked my cock in and out of him fast and let go of his leg to firmly
gripped his shoulder or hold his head as he held me tight. After only a few
minutes of this, I started to feel an urgent need to unload and I whimpered

"rob, I need...I"

"What? you need to cum?" he mumbled knowing what I was trying to say

"yeah"

"do it, let it go, cum in me" he urged, holding me

I didn't need to be told twice, I stopped holding back and surrendered to
the feeling. I felt him tighten his ass around my cock on purpose as I
panted and whimpered, exploding hard inside him. My body was jerking and Rob
was holding me tight, forcing me to nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck
with his hand. I continued fucking him until I started to feel my orgasm
subside and I finally stopped shaking and quivering. I kissed his neck and
looked down at his cock, still hard as a rock and leaking against his
stomach. I pulled out of him and took the head of his cock in my mouth and
stroked him fast with my hand. I wanted to taste him. I licked and sucked
hard on the head. Within seconds he was losing control and whimpering "ummhh
here I go"
His body tensed and I tightened my grip on the head of his cock as he began
shooting hard in my mouth, making all sorts of erratic sounds I loved to
hear.  He came a lot, and I had trouble swallowing it all. He tasted
incredibly sweet and I continued sucking him, squeezing every last drop of
cum out of him and licking him dry. His body started to relax and I climbed
back up on top of him, pressing my chest against his again as I kissed him
and caressed his hair.

"oh man, we should fight more often" he joked

I laughed, "I don't know about that" and I lay my head on his chest. He
massaged my head and said "I'm so in love with you"

I looked up at him, smiling and I suppose my eyes must have talked for me
because I didn't have to tell him I loved him too.

"I know" he said "I know" and I lay my head on his chest again.

--------

Our time in the studio was finally over, the album was really really really
good! we loved it! We had given so much, we had worked so hard. We were very
proud and satisfied. It was our little baby hehe! The music and melodies
were great and all the songs conveyed a different message. Rob's voice was
amazing on every song, he was putting so much passion in his singing, it was
pretty fascinating to watch him give so much of himself like that. Most of
our lyrics were deep and meaningful. They were never stupid or shallow. We
used them to say everything we wanted to say, from love, to hate, to
religion, to politics....and I think the lyrics could have a different
meaning for everyone. We tried to keep it pretty universal but before
anything else, it meant something to us, and that's what made it special.
Some of the songs were about the frustuations we had to endure because we
were gay and the feelings associated with it but I don't think people could
actually figure that out. We took the risk anyway, it was important to us.
I'm sure it could mean something to straight people as well.

Now the promotion was going to start, I hoped people were gonna like the
songs as much as we did.
It was the end of May, we had finished the album a couple of days before and
the label organized a little party with everyone involved in the process to
celebrate the end of the recording.  We listened to the album, opened a
bottle of champagne, and drank to what we had achieved so far and hopefully
to the success this album was going to bring us.

We were talking, joking around, having fun when Nigel raised his glass,
grinned and gave a toast

"ok, guys" he started, the tone of his voice indicating it was probably
going to be pretty amusing "I'd like to say something! I'd like to say that
I'm really glad this is finally over, I couldn't stand you anymore!" we all
giggled

"Mark! you know I have big hopes for you, you are a truly gifted musician
and song writer. I think you're even more talented than I am, it's really
pissing me off, I hope I won't see you again for a third album, you're
really bad for my ego. God knows where you will be when you're my age! It's
a scary thought for me!" we laughed and he continued

"Rob, Rob, Rob, what could I say? I could say that you're a great singer!
that you give me goosebumps every time you start to sing! that you're a
pretty special human being! that you will go far! but I won't!" we all
cracked up, the way he was saying all this was so funny "No no no, instead
I'm gonna say that God really didn't give you a chance. you're not a very
good-looking guy! Yeah, I think people are gonna run away screaming when
they're gonna see you and hear your voice on this album! I'm afraid this
band is never gonna make it with you in it"

"thank you" rob said humbly

"you're welcome" Nigel replied and continued. Jordan and dylan couldn't stop
laughing, they were almost crying

"Jordan, I think the day you will stop joking around all the time, maybe we
will get some work done"

"hey! we finished the album, didn't we?" Jordan laughed

"yeah! but it's not thanks to you!" Jordan tried to give him a look like he
was really hurt but he couldn't stop grinning. He wasn't very convincing.

"ok, who's next? Oh, Damon and dylan! you know what I think of you, you
rock! Oh did I say Rock? I meant suck! ok, I know I've been hard on you, I
know you hate me, I can't blame you, I would hate me too if I were you but
it was for your own good! You all  are talented musicians already... So what
I really want to say is that if every band I work with could be like you
guys, my world would be perfect! I'm very proud of you, You have done well!
Keep working as hard as you've been working so far and the world will be at
your feet! I can't wait to have this album for free! hey what do you think?
I'm not gonna buy it! I'm not giving you my money!" he giggled "To you!
Cheers!" we all raised our glasses, smiling and laughing, said thank you and
drank.

A few minutes later, we sat down with our manager to discuss the promotion
of the album. Rob's father wasn't managing us anymore. He didn't feel like
he could handle it. he had a job of his own and the record company felt like
it was better if we were managed by someone who knew people in the business,
someone who knew how it worked. The label had hired a guy named Thomas
Dowell for us, he was 35, really nice and professional. We called him Tom.
We had met him a few times already but lately we had been working on the
album so we hadn't done any promotion. But we knew he was working for us,
planning absolutely everything.

"Ok now the real work is about to start, you're going to be a lot more busy
than you were for the last album. we have important things to talk about
today" we just looked at him and listened a bit excited

"ok I told you the promotion is gonna start right away. In three days, you
are scheduled for a lot of Tv shows, radios and interviews, photo shoots,
we're also gonna shoot the video for the single next week, everything in
London. A lot of people in the business have already listened to the album
and it's a big hit. they all want you, it really wasn't hard for me to
arrange all of this."

"cool!" I said, smiling and beaming

"ok there's something important we need to discuss. We decided this only a
few days ago. You are gonna spent a lot of time in England obviously and
we're not gonna pay for hotel rooms all the time while you're there, so the
best thing for you to do is to move to England".

we all look at each other, thinking 'what the fuck?'

"You need to leave Ireland. You can't work properly from here. It will be
stupid to come back here all the time. At your level, everything happens in
England and they already love you over there. The label owns a building in
Notting Hill. It's a building with 10 flats and you'll be living in two of
them".

"we have to move to london? like permanently?" damon asked a bit stunned

"yes, for now anyway, that doesn't mean you won't come back here once in a
while but yeah you need to be in London much more than you need to be in
Ireland. It's the best thing to do. you won't only be working in London, we
are also going to promote the album in Europe, germany, france, spain,
Italy, Ireland of course but also Japan, australia in a few months depending
on how well you do in Europe... but you know all that. But still, it will be
much easier for you to live in London because that's where everything
starts. ok, the best journalists are there, the fans, the money. ok!? you're
following me?"

"ok, what time is it now?" he continued "6, ok, you should go home now, umm,
tomorrow and friday you need to pack, say goodbye to the people you need to
say goodbye to and your flight to London is on Friday at 9pm"

"god" Rob said, we all looked at each other, taken by surprise. We were not
really expecting this. It's not like we didn't know everything was happening
in England. We knew we were gonna spend a lot of time there and in Europe in
general, but we hadn't really thought about leaving Ireland. It was our
country. Apparently, we only had a couple of days to pack everything we
wanted to take with us, to say goodbye to everything we were so familiar
with, our homes, our friends, our parents, our whole lives were going to
change. We were a bit stunned here because he hadn't told us about this.

Jordan looked at me, an expression of sadness spreading on his face but it
soon made us laugh. We were sad but strangely, we were happy too.  We almost
wanted to cry, all of us, not sure if it was because we were happy or sad.
It was so weird. I think we were so tired too, our emotions were right at
the surface. It's not like we were never gonna come back home but we were
not gonna live there anymore. It felt like we were adults now. We were gonna
live by ourselves in another country. Well of course we had people around
us, we were far from being alone. Actually, we were probably going to be
more watched over by our manager and the label than we were by our parents
but still. It was gonna be an adventure.

So after some more talking and planning, we went home, and started packing.
On the next day, we organized a party in the afternoon, well more like a
get-together at Dylan's place with our families and our close friends. it
felt like we were turning a new page. We were sad, nervous and excited. It
was a strange feeling. I talked to rachel about moving. We hadn't worked out
all the details but we were gonna be able to talk on the phone all the time
and well, she didn't really need me yet. I hoped she didn't feel like I was
abandoning her. I don't think she was. She knew how excited we were about
the band and how important it was to me. The only people who knew about the
pregnancy were Rob and her parents. But I'm pretty sure she had also told a
few of her friends and I was planning on telling the guys soon.

Before leaving for London, I talked to my mother about everything that was
happening, except the baby. Of course she knew about the band, the album,
the recording. I wondered if she was proud of me. If she was, she didn't
say. I told her the label wanted us to move to England. She asked me a few
questions, but it seemed as though she didn't feel very concerned. She just
agreed, telling me it was a good opportunity for me. I didn't need her
approval, but whatever. She didn't even tell me that she'd miss me. I think
the best word to describe our conversation was 'CLOSURE'. It's not like I
was never going to see her or my family again but I was taking my
independence, like I had wanted to since I was 14, even before that. I
didn't need them anymore, I could make it on my own. That was it! To me, I
was saying goodbye to her forever. I really didn't think we could work
things out. I didn't even want to. I had been hurt too much, too many times.
I was giving up, I knew I was never gonna be close to them. I knew that as
soon as I'd leave, I would never come back. There would be no more
christmas with them, no more dinners, no more birthdays, nothing.

On friday 30 May 1997, we happily boarded the plane, starting a new chapter
in our lives.

------

to be continued.