Date: Wed, 6 Oct 2010 18:27:22 -0400
From: J Bark <jbark217@gmail.com>
Subject: Gay - High School - Open Eyes

       Pain and suffering, madness. I felt the entire spectrum as I ran
away from his house, I wanted to cry but I couldn't. He was dead, and there
was nothing I could do to bring him back. He thought he was suffering, how
could his even compare to mine now.
	"I hope you're in hell!" I screamed into the night. I knew as soon
as I said it that it wasn't a wish that I would carry to the end of my
days. I wanted to be with him, and now it wasn't possible ever. He had
died, and no amount of power in heaven or hell could bring him back. I
wanted to die, but why... I only barely remember pain as my head hit the
ground. The rock could have broken the fall, but then again I wasn't paying
that close of attention.
	My eyes opened gently to a soft breeze and sunlight, the clouds
were making their creative shapes as I lay in the grass. I sat up and
looked around; this wasn't where I was supposed to be. Something was
supposed to be pushing me, but it was vague, and I couldn't pin point it. I
wanted to be somewhere, was that it? I couldn't place the feeling, so I
stood up and grabbed my satchel, my tablet and my pen. The park was
beautiful today, a place where I could come and let my artistry fly.
	On occasion I could draw, I was convinced that this was a talent
that came and went. Usually faces of people that I could see and had no
idea who they were. My 'talent' would be in the form of writing, I had been
told it was my gift. I was okay with that, I like words; they were the best
way I could get the pictures and scenes out of my head. I had friends whose
drawings put mine to shame, but when painted in the form of words, I
prevailed. This is where my gifts seemed to keep me calm, nothing else
wanted to do that. I was tiny, afraid of quite a bit, and pretty sure that
I was going to end up lonely for a long time. Even as I thought this about
myself, I knew something wasn't right; something seemed weird, out of
place.
	Checking my watch I realized that I had to head home, my free
writes could only last so long before I needed to check back in. As I
walked through door, I noticed something wasn't right from the
beginning. Mom was talking to some strange woman and my door was wide open,
two things that didn't happen. Firstly mom had friends but they were all at
her work, and I knew all of them. Secondly my room was given to me to be my
sanctuary, and it was always shut.
	"Honey, this is a friend of mine. We are going to have a guest this
weekend." She nodded to my room, which instantly put me on guard.
	As I walked to my room, I looked in and noticed that nothing was
out of place on first look, but there was a guy sitting on my bed reading
from one of my notebooks.
	"Why are you reading that?" I asked angrily as I shut the door.
	"Isn't that what you're supposed to do with words?" He said. His
voice, I knew it. Know it. As the book dropped from in front of his face,
it revealed a guy that I knew from school. One who could have been a jock,
and also could have been someone from the drug circles. His long hair was
my first feature that I registered; it was very well taken care of, and
looked like he worked to keep it that way. His smile was arrogant, but not
something that was unpleasant.
	"I'm David, nice to meet you Tyler." He knew my name, clearly this
had been arranged. Mom was always taking in strays; this one just seemed to
have his own home too. I didn't know the story behind him, but something
told me that I knew his story.
	"I'd rather you not read those particular words." I smiled with
venom as I pull my journal from his hands. He grabbed my hand and pulled me
into him. This wasn't right. This isn't the way things happen.
	My eyes opened. I was surrounded by darkness, I could hear rain
falling, but couldn't feel much of it. Light drifted in by the cracks in
the trees, the whistling sound of the night wind howled. Pain was present
in my head, but distant. I needed to get away; I wanted to run again, I
tried.
	My eyes opened as I surfaced the water, David broke the surface
next to me. It was amazing yesterday I would have told you that I hated the
water and didn't know how to swim, but now with his help I was ok with
it. His form was beautiful; he was totally at home in the water. More so
then me, more so, that somewhere in our adventure he had lost his swimming
gear. Nudity wasn't an issue for him, and it inspired me frankly, I felt
words leap through my mind to cover ever crease of his body. I felt his
hands come under me and he lifted me, urging me to relax.
	His lips covered mine, and I felt his hands slide away. My body
floated gently on the water as he let his kiss fade away. I was perfectly
calm, and perfectly still. That is until he splashed me and I snapped out
of it. The world spun for a second, or seemed to as I gathered myself. He
was climbing out of the pool and bent to gather his things.
	"Why'd you do that?" I asked, not angrily. Emotions were running
around my mind, but I couldn't pull the ones I wanted out.
	"Do what?" He asked.
	"You know what."
	"I wanted you to be comfortable, relaxed. You think too much,
sometimes your mind can be a safe place, other times a prison." He said
calmly. He smiled after reading my somewhat shocked expression. "What,
can't I use words too?"
	I pushed myself off from the pool and grabbed his hand in mine; he
had offered it for help. As our fingers touched I felt something jolt
through me. I gasped and his grip tightened.
	"Please don't let go." Was that me that said that, or was it him? I
couldn't tell, the voiced was disembodied. He smiled and moved his mouth
but I heard nothing. He leaned forward and my world faded.
	Lights screamed overhead, as I blinked to clear my vision. People
were talking hurriedly over me, and I felt something cold and hot at the
same time attached to my chest.
	"We've got him. Hang on kid." Kid...
	One solid bright flash of light and I was staring in his face
again. I wanted to finish my sketches of him, but he had teased me about
something sexual. I had thrown a pillow at him and put my stuff down, if he
didn't want to cooperate I wasn't going to waste time. Then he had
sheepishly crawled into my bed next to me and apologized. Which made me
swing at him, but he caught my hands and laced his fingers in it.
	"You know you don't know anything about me kid." He whispered. I
didn't even hesitate; I lurched forward and pulled him into a kiss that was
deep.
	"I know that I like you...maybe even more." I felt it strong
too. There was a connection to him in that moment that I didn't want to let
go of. His presence gave me comfort like I had never felt before. Something
was powerful about him, and I knew that he was right in this place, with
me. I didn't want him to go...not again. Again?
	His lips moved from my mouth and bit my neck a gentle pain that
caused shockwaves through my body.
	I couldn't focus; everything was blurry, as the lights blazed over
my head. I wanted David, I wanted to be in his arms, I knew that much. I
wanted it so much that I had a headache, I needed him. My head
ached...because of something, something in the distance had hurt me. I
tripped running away from...David?
	"Tyler, can you hear me." I moaned my response, I didn't know who
me was but I knew that I could hear him. There was a voice and a face, both
blurry, but both there. Was it David? Or God? Was I dead; was this, what
was supposed to happen? A cold laid itself against my chest, and another on
my thigh.
	A gasped and the warmth of David's hand on my thigh holding me
against him was powerful. I had never wanted to give myself to anyone in
this capacity, but he was worth it. David was my world. I had known him for
such a short time but had fallen so far for him.
	As we collapsed together, we curled ourselves into each other, and
I tried to match my breathing with his as I felt him behind me. This was
the embrace that I had always longed for, the other half of my strength,
the one who would always be behind me if I need him. I shudder ran through
my mind, and a tear fell from my eye. Why? What was this tear shed for, I
felt pain somewhere, pain like someone had died.
	"Tyler, what's wrong?" He whispered in my ear.
	"I don't know, I feel like this isn't real." I didn't even like the
words as they left my mouth, but I knew it's what I was thinking. Things
seemed to be falling into place to precisely, to well. "It's like it's too
right."
	"And that's bad?" He asked, I could feel the confused pain in his
voice.
	"No never." I rolled over. "You were right for me."
	"Were?" He asked.
	"Are, you are right for me."
	"Why did you say were?"
	"I don't know...I know what I meant, there's something distant
though, something I don't understand. I don't want to lose you." I had
broken a threshold, pain and tears flooded my system.
	"It's ok Tyler, I'm here." That was my mother's voice. Where had
she come from? Where had David gone? My eyes snapped open, I was there, but
I felt absent. I stared into my mother's face, she was smiling at me, with
her hands on my face.
	"Do you know where you are?" This was another voice, one that I had
heard before. "You're in a hospital; you had a bad fall, and hit your
head. We need you to focus on us." He looked at my mom, and my eyes
followed. "Don't worry ma'am, I'm not a psychologist, but a wound like this
paired with emotional loss of someone, could lead to a complicated
recovery, but he seems to be there." Emotional loss of someone. What had
happened, it was there, but like a dream. David? Where was he...had
something happened to him?
	"David..." My voice whispered. It was strained, and it hurt to
speak. I hadn't spoken to them; he was there at the edge of my memory. If I
reached hard enough I could go to him and be with him. I knew that this was
the result of fear somewhere in the back of my thoughts. I hoped.
	I saw my mother's eyes tear as she looked at me; I locked on her
eyes for a fleeting glance and then let myself slip into darkness, willing
myself to wake up.
	I snapped awake and my body jerked up right. His arm had been
draped across me protectively. I looked over at him as he had only barely
stirred. His brow furrowed as he sleepily pulled his arm into himself and
he relaxed back into sleep. Fear had gripped me, nothing made sense, was I
going crazy? Where in my mind were these emotions from, what had brought
them on.
	David grumbled. If only a dream could be as comforting as his
arms. I curled up against him, and peered out into my bedroom. Why was
everything so fuzzy, why did it seem like I could pay attention to nothing
but David? I knew I loved him, but I had told him this. We had already
shared a kiss because of the strength at which we loved. Shared so much
more. Was love this powerful to keep me locked on him, tied to him? If only
answers would come as easily as questions.
	The sun seemed to creep over the window sill, with an annoying
cheeriness. Despite the fact that I remembered the night and seemed to have
been awake, I felt awake and alert. David stirred and perked up as I was
staring at him with just a grin on my face. I was beginning to not even
register that he was the only un blurry thing that I could see. He was what
I wanted to focus on any way. His smile, his green of his eyes, the soft
sheen of his brown hair, and the way his kisses tickled my cheek.
	"I don't know what I would do if I lost you." A strange good
morning, I'm sure, but he just smiled.
	He leaned across me to the bag on the floor and pulled a bottle out
of it. I had seen him do this on numerous occasions but the bottle seemed
to black. The pills that came out, were white but with a black haze across
them. It made me nervous; there was something about them that I didn't like
my subconscious was even scared of them.
	He was my bad boy, someone that I wanted so much, and wanted to
help him through life. He had told me repeatedly that I didn't know him,
and I shouldn't be with him. It was these dark moods that made me want to
love him even more. I wanted him to take a hold of my love and let it help
heal him. He scared me when he talked about the ease of drugs and the
comfort he took in them instead.
	"You know...you don't need drugs." He turned to look at me as I
waited for his anger. I didn't come. He smiled and nodded at me.
	"These I actually do need." He leaned in a kissed the corner of my
mouth. "Aren't you a drug?"
	I smiled at his kiss, it was always my reaction. I shrugged to his
question though, is that what he considered me? Was that a bad thing?
	"You are my drug." He kissed me again. "I never want rehab."
	I liked his answer. As I stood up and turned to get ready for the
day. My foot hit something and I slipped backward. Landing in his arms.
	My head leaned back and looked up into the face of the person
holding me. It wasn't him. David...the name brought pain to my mind. I
looked into an unfamiliar face and his dark brown eyes left me with cold
feelings.
	"I got you, Tyler don't worry. Just another day, isn't it."
	"What's going on?" I muttered.
	I felt my support nearly leave me and then lifted back to my feet
comfortably.
	"You spoke..." The person holding me said. He kept a hand on my arm
and walked around me. Looking into his face I noticed the surprise and
worry in his eyes.
	I could only nod, and look around confusedly. Everything wavered as
my head spun, making the world blur and fade.
	"You're in an assisted care facility. You have been in a reclusive
catatonia for about two months now." He looked over his shoulder and
yelled. "Get a doctor."
	"David..." I whispered.
	"They don't want me to remind you of him. Can you remember him, his
suicide? Hold on..." to him. I finished his statement in my mind. I wanted
David to be the one holding me, I didn't understand what was going on. This
wasn't real, David was real. I knew this. This dream was flashed of a world
that wasn't real, in the nightmare David wasn't alive, and that was
impossible.
	"DAVID!" I screamed.
	As I blinked, David's face was in mine. He was yelling at me,
something stupid. I had caught him in a frenzied high, and left his
house. Something had happened, he had a seizure in school and he felt like
it had cost him everything. I knew where he was coming from. He was letting
everything come crashing down on him now, his secret relationship with me,
his life, his drugs, he needed it.
	My voice had broken through his anger. He was shocked that I had
yelled at him.
	"You don't need any of that. You don't need the team, you don't
need drugs. You're medicine keeps you alive, it keeps you with me. David, I
need you." My hand reached out and I ran my fingers through his hair.
	"Don't touch me." He said and jerked away. This was worse than I
had ever seen him. "I have nothing to live for. Get out!"
	I started to walk away. My hand was on the hospital door, and I
felt my mind slip, the world blurred again. No. I will not leave. I turned
and looked at him, still as sharp as ever, the only beacon in a confused
world. It was like I felt the distant echo of two possibilities, I knew
what would happen if I left now.
	"No."
	He looked up at me.
	"I'm here."
	His face flushed with anger, and he stood.
	"Leave."
	"You don't want that."
	"Yes I do."
	"Make me."
	He placed his hands on my arms.
	I braced myself.
	"You..." He said weakly.
	"Me." I said with a new found confidence.
	He gripped my arms tighter, and pulled me to him. My arms snaked
their way up his back and into his hair. His held me tightly. We looked at
each other in that moment, and as our lips touched, the whole room, the
whole world, became as sharp and vivid as anything I have ever seen.
	"You are my world." He whispered. "Don't ever leave me."
	"Never again. This is my world, and you are the reason it's real."

Thank you -

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