Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 15:42:30 -0500
From: Brent Stewart <brent@cutey.com>
Subject: Outed in HS- Chapter 13 "The Strength of Bonds"

"The Strength that Bond"

Brett went with his parents to Disney World and I left with mine to Cancun.
I was miserable the entire 3 weeks and my mother was constantly checking my
temperature and vitals to determine if I had some illness that was causing
my mood.  I'm sure I made their vacation as miserable as mine.  I could
feel the emptiness inside.  It was an intense yearning that caused me
stomach problems.  I wondered if Brett was enjoying his vacation.

We arrived back in Killeen on a Sunday.  Brett was supposed to have gotten
home the previous Friday, so I dashed upstairs to my room and called his
house.  His sister answered the phone and told me that Brett had left there
about 10 minutes before I called.  I asked her where he had gone, and she
had no idea.  After hanging up the phone, I fell on my bed and wondered
where he could have gone.  He knew I was coming home today.  I called
Shelby and we talked about our vacations.  I had told Shelby the week
before I left on vacation about Brett and I.  She already knew, of course.

Shelby had told Shelly that I was gay.  They're best friend and never kept
secrets from each other.  I was a bit surprised that she had told this
secret, seeing as how it could have totally destroy my life if she had
mentioned it to the wrong person.  Then Shelby told me that Brett and
Shelly were almost playing the same game she and I were, the one exception,
that Brett was Bi.  I told her I should have known the two of them would
have the whole story, considering their actions over the past several
months.

I asked Shelby if she knew where Brett was.  I thought that he and Shelly
may have gone to catch a movie or something and if anyone knew, it would be
her.  She didn't know.  I told her bye and as I hung the phone up and fell
on my bed again, Brett came running into my room and jumped on me.  Caught
completely by surprise, his momentum carried us both off the bed and we hit
the floor.  He was laughing at the top of his lungs and I was trying to
recover from being startled almost to death.

"My God Brett!" I managed, "Your going to give me a freaking heart attack!"
He had a hold of me and rolled me on top of him to where I was straddling
him.

"Oh just shut up and bend down here a give me a kiss!" I didn't need to be
asked twice.  As we kissed, the emptiness I had felt the last 3 weeks
slowly filled with the love I received from him.  It was like consuming his
life force, in order to replenish my own.  "Oh God I missed you so much.  I
thought you'd never get back." He said as we came up for air.  "Did you
miss me?"

"What the hell do you think?  My mother was ready to admit me to the
hospital in Cancun because she couldn't figure out why I was moping
around."  I leaned back down and gave him another kiss.  My mother called
from the bottom of the stairs to ask if we were all right.  Evidently the
crash to the floor didn't go unnoticed down stairs.  I yelled down to her
that we were both fine and that Brett had tackled me.

"Well you too better not tear the house down!" she yelled back with mirth
in her tone.

"So how was Disney World?" I asked and stood up, pulling Brett up with me.

"I was sick the whole time.  I kept throwing up and I even had a fever the
first 3 or 4 days.  My father got pissed at me, but I couldn't help it.  I
had this tightness in my chest and it made my stomach hurt.  It's all your
fault you know?"

"My fault??  I was sick too, remember!"  Even though I felt bad that he had
been sick, I also felt elated that he suffered from our separation as much
as I had.  "So what do you want to do?  Want to go see a movie?"

"No.  Um...can we just stay here and maybe listen to the radio or
something?  I don't want to be around anyone today except you.  I really
did miss you Brent.  If being separated from you for just 3 weeks made me
sick, what the hell is the summer break going to be like."  He sat down on
my bed as I went to close my bedroom door.  "I might die.  I don't
understand this."  I came back and lay on the bed as he was talking.  I
pulled him to lay down with me and I held him in my arms.  He kissed me and
said, "I love you."

"I love you too and we'll have to think up how we can convince our parents
to not travel this summer.  Maybe."  I wasn't convinced I could convince my
father of anything.  He planned every summer out well in advance and more
than likely had already paid deposits and such for trips he'd worked out.

"Ok, well do that." Brett said.

As I lay with Brett in my arms and felt the rise and fall of his chest
against mine, I couldn't imagine a time in my life I had been so
comfortable and secure.  I loved him in such a way, that he was a vital
part of my existence.  No two people could be better suited for each other
than we were.  I could feel him tighten his hold on me at intervals, as we
lay there, and knew that he must me thinking about us and experiencing the
same feelings that I was.

The weeks of school passed and before we knew it, summer break arrived and
my freshman year of high school came to an end.  I had experienced so much
in such a short time, yet I could not remember what my life was like before
Brett came into it.  Robert had only contacted me once in the seven months
since he had moved to Germany.  The letter, and the words he wrote, allowed
the pent up emotions I still held for him to be released.  He had moved on
with his life and I had surely moved on with mine.  We both knew that when
he left, it would be the last time we would share our lives with the other.
I don't regret a moment of it.  I found love, lost it and now I had love I
never imagined would compare, yet, it surpassed anything I had experienced.

To both our utter amazement, Brett and I had somehow convinced our parents
to spend the summer break with the other family.  Both sets of parents
planned and organized the summer together.  They had become friends and
spent many night's playing cards.  They'd alternate invitations to dinner
at the others house and Brett and I were astonished at our luck.  Not only
did we love each other, but our families had become friends as well.
Brett's sister was developing a crush on me, and his little brother, Matt,
would tag along with us 'big' guys whenever we'd allow him too.

We spent 4 weeks in Corpus Christi at a Holiday Inn on Padre Island.  Sun,
surf and swimming occupied almost every day.  Brett's tan had developed
into a deep golden bronze and his hair had been lightened by the constant
exposure to the sun.  I suffered the same effects and we were inseparable
the whole time.  We'd walk along the beach at sundown and talk about what
we wanted to do with our lives.  We planned everything together.  Neither
of us could imagine life without the other in it.  From Corpus we traveled
to Louisiana to spend another 4 weeks in New Orleans, then another 3 weeks
in Las Vegas, Nevada.  Throughout the summer break, Brett and I shared a
room together and we slept in each other's arms.  We made love, we talked,
we played and we grew even closer to each other.  Then the summer was over.

One week and school would start.  I was going to be a sophomore and Brett a
junior.  I was also one year older, now 15.  Brett and I went shopping for
school clothes and we made sure to buy all the latest teen boy fashions.
We had an image to uphold at school and being jocks, well, we had to be the
envy of our peers and I was now an upperclassman, with all them freshmen to
look up to me.  I hated playing the high school game, but I guess it was
expected.  The two of us kind of settled down that last week before school,
and prepared ourselves for the restrictions school would place on our
relationship.  He was still in a grade above me, so we'd not have any
classes together.  All we could expect was to see each other at lunch and
then again at football practice.  But at the end of the day, we would make
up for lost time at either his house or mine.  We worked it all out,
planning and plotting to secure as much time together as we possibly could.

The first two months of school passed without much notice by either Brett
or I.  All we knew were the times we'd spend together after school and on
weekends.  Our families settled down into familiarity with each other and
life couldn't be better.  Brett came over my house after school one day and
we went to my room.

"Guess what I read about today?" He asked as he dropped his backpack on the
floor by the door and jumped in my bed.  I went to the bathroom to relieve
myself and came out.

"What did you read today?"  I took off my shirt and grabbed a t-shirt out
of my drawer.

"We have this assignment in Sociology that deals with human nature and the
relationships between animals and their offspring.  I have to write a paper
that compares the way animals and humans differ in their social units.
Anyway, I was reading this book and it described the way a mother bonds
with their baby the moment birth is given.  Most hospital place the baby in
the mothers arms even before they cut the umbilical cord to allow mother
and child to bond."

"Ok, so how long does it have to be and how much time do I have to get it
done?"

"Uh!  Just listen! I'm not asking you to do the freaking paper for me.  I
want you to hear what I found out.  It has a lot to do with YOU and ME." He
gave me an exasperated look.

"Sorry, " I blushed.  I moved over to the bed and lay down with him. "Go
ahead. I'm listening."  He wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his
hands on my chest, as I lay on him, looking out the window.

"Well, you see, a mother and child bond with each other when the baby is
still in the womb.  The baby hears it's mother's heart rhythm and it
becomes used to it.  It like...becomes a part of him.  The baby also hears
its mothers voice and this reinforces the bond even before birth.  The
mother bonds from instinct."  I listened to him talk and thought about how
close my mother and I were.  My father and I were close and we loved each
other, but mother showed her love a great deal more.  She also had this
sixth sense about when I was sick or upset too.

"What about fathers?" I asked him.

"They bond too, but not as near as much as the mother.  Most of the bonding
a father does, is after the birth and as the child grows up.  Anyway...you
remember how you got stung by that jellyfish in Corpus?"

"How could I forget?  I thought my leg was going to burn off."

"When it happened I was up in the room and I KNEW something was wrong.  I
had this feeling that I needed to go and find you.  And remember when I got
that cramp when I was swimming..."

"YEAH!  I remember.  I was talking to your mother on the beach and all of a
sudden I got this weird feeling and turned around and saw you limping out
of the water!"  Could it be, I thought?

"Well, what I think is that..." and we both said it at the same time,
"We've bonded!"

That has to be it.  The yearning we both felt when we were apart.  The
overwhelming feeling that came over us if the other was hurt or needed each
other.  Not even the fact that we loved each other as much as we do, really
explained it.  But bonding?  That was it!  And a step further, I had this
instinct to protect Brett at all costs.  If I thought someone hit him much
harder at practice, I'd make sure to hit him harder to get back for Brett.
If someone said something derogatory about the way he played, I'd stand up
for him and almost fight until the other backed down.

"YEP! We are bonded." Brett stated and I looked up to see his face and he
had a huge smile.  I sat up and we embraced each other in a kiss.  "I love
you Brent Stewart." His voice lowered when he said this and we both wiped
the tears from each other's eyes and continued to hold each other as we let
the moment sink in.  Nothing compared to this...and nothing ever would.  We
were one in more ways than either of us had expected and we never imagined
it could be like this.

Brett and I decided to go horseback riding.  I rode Sierra and Brett took
Red.  Red had turned into Brett's horse as much as he was my brothers'.  My
brother was at college and seldom made it home.  He was studying to be a
doctor, like my mother.  He attended the University of Texas Medical Branch
in Galveston.  I told him, when I spoke to him once, that Brett had been
riding Red and he said that was great.  He was never really big into
riding, but my father had insisted that his children know how to ride.  I
really enjoyed it, so I never had a problem with it.  My sister liked to
ride also, but she too was away at college, but in California.

We rode around the property and raced the horses up and down the hills.
Brett and I always competed with each other when it came to anything
remotely resembling sports.  It was all in fun and we always had a good
time.

After stowing the gear and brushing down the horses, Brett and I went to
the house, made some sandwiches and ate.  We then decide to take a shower
together.  It was still early afternoon and we had the whole place to
ourselves.  I turned the water on in my bathroom and Brett and I helped
each other undress.  We both smelled like horses and we laughed as hay dust
floated around the room and caused us to sneeze.  The site of each other
naked always caused him and I to have immediate reactions.  I could see the
lengthening of his cock as he stood watching me get the shower going.  Of
course my own body reacted to him in the same way.  We were of a same size
when it came to our cocks.  He was cut like I was, and when he was erect;
it stood up straight and would be pointing right at his naval.  There was a
slightly darker ring, which circled his cock about an inch and a half from
the tip from the circumcision.  When I would wrap my hand around it, there
was still an inch to go before my fingers could touch.  We had both started
trimming our pubic hair and also shaving our balls.  I guess not having to
pull loose hairs from our mouth during sex, prompted this grooming need.
Brett's balls and sack added the perfect compliment to the rest of his sex
organ.  They hung low and were about the size of golf balls.  With his
light brown hair, his pubic hair was almost the same color as my own.

We got into the shower and washed the stink and grim from each other.  Our
cocks would fight a sword duel with each other as we hugged and reached to
wash each other's hair.  The thrill and waves of ecstasy caused by our
cocks touching, insured that we remained ready for action after the shower.
Once we were clean, we stepped out and dried ourselves.  We embraced each
other and maneuvered our way to my bed, our lips locked in a kiss.  Brett
laid me down and then he lay on top of me.  Ours cocks were rubbing each
other as we kissed any exposed skin our lips could find.  Our tongues would
find each other's and we'd suck the other into our mouths in a deep
passionate joining of juices.  Brett used his legs to part mine and I felt
our body's mold together, bringing even more contact between our now
enflamed groins.  As he thrust his hips forward, I would pick up the
rhythm.

Our need increased with each passing moment and the slickness of our
combined precum, made the area sensitive to each motion.  With a long kiss,
I changed positions to bring his cock inline to enter my mouth.  He changed
his position to give mine the same attention we both anticipated.  I licked
the slick sides of his engorged manhood and tasted the combination of us
both.  He moaned as I worked my tongue around and along his fullness and
then took one of his balls in my mouth, using my tongue to manipulate the
egg.  I gasped when I felt my own cock enter his hot, moist mouth.  Flames
of passion exploded in my brain as he worked his tongue around my sensitive
cock head.  I thrust my hips forward to sink deeper into the warmth of his
mouth and he accommodated me, by opening his throat and burying my head
deep within.  He used his throat to work the muscles surrounding me and I
moaned and returned his worship of my cock, by taking his in my mouth.

His taste compared to nothing else, and the heat that filled my mouth made
me groan.  He was leaking a great amount of precum, and I savored every
drop as it slide along my tongue and down within me.  I didn't have the
muscle control in my throat that Brett did, but I made up for it by working
his tool with my tongue.  I swirled it around and into his piss slit and
back along the base as he too moaned, lost in the pleasure I was giving him
and his continued swallowing of my cock.

The sensation started deep inside and traveled along the nerves of my legs
up to my loins.  I knew the feeling and felt Brett's cock grow in girth in
my own mouth.  We were both close to coming.  As if on cue, we sped up our
manipulation of the other cocks, as we thrust our cocks deeper in the
others mouth.  Brett knew the limits of my throat and seemed to consciously
know how far he could bury his need.  His throat, on the other hand, seemed
to open wider and I felt my cock slip further in the warmth and his nose
was buried in between the tightness of my balls that would release the
reward of his labors.

Moans escaped each of us as we thrust deep into the other and came.  I
emptied my love into Brett's mouth as he slowly extracted my cock from deep
with in, and then savored the jets of passion that pumped from my cock
slit.  He worked his coated tongue around my shaft and I continued to loose
every ounce my body held.  I came explosively and in great amounts whenever
Brett and I shared each other.  He could coax every bit of my seed to the
surface and still he hungered for more.

The first splash of his pent up juices hit the back of my throat and
slipped down without my having even tasted its tartness.  The head of his
cock expanded, and then contracted with each spasm.  I withdrew his sex,
inch by inch, and was rewarded with the flavor of him as my tongue picked
up and tested the offering.  I worked hard to swallow the tremendous
amounts of liquid, like I was quenching a thirst and hunger, which could
never be sated.  I worked my hand from base to tip while he remained in my
mouth and I felt the lessening of his hardness.  I wanted every last drop.

Having completely exhausted ourselves and drained the other of the physical
manifestations of our love.  Brett let my cock fall from his lips, as I
removed his from my mouth.  We looked at each other and smiled.  The
coolness of the air hit me and my cock deflated at a rapid pace as I
noticed Brett's similar reaction.

I heard a noise come from across the room and then my door opened.  There,
framed in the opening stood my father, the words "Brent, you need to get
down..." and then there was abrupt silence as he took in the sight of Brett
and I in my bed naked, and glistening from the sweat we had created during
our love making.

We both jerked up in an attempt to recover from being found out and I
looked at my father as the blood made a distinct reddening of his face,
starting at his neck and progressing to the top of his hairline.  His eyes
narrowed and his chiseled expression fixed in a stare of utter
loathing. Brett had watched along with me, and then he reacted before my
brain could even process the self-preservation instincts inherent there.
He had jumped off the bed and dashed into my bathroom.  He slammed the door
shut, leaving me alone, as I still tried to recover from shock.  Instead of
my father coming for me on the bed, he made for the bathroom door and
pounded on it.  I recovered at the first pound on the door and heard Brett
saying, "OH SHIT, OH SHIT" from the other side.

"Get the fuck out of there and out of MY house!!" He yelled at the door and
continued to pound.  I slid off the bed and pulled my boxers on.  Another
noise came from the bathroom, kind of like something breaking, and I hoped
that it wasn't Brett passing out.  I was on the verge myself, and my father
had yet to make his move on me.  I didn't have to wait long.  Brett was not
coming out of the bathroom.  My father would need a bomb to get to him and
his banging and threats had probably cause Brett to take root in the middle
of the floor, frozen in fear.  But, Brett was my heart and soul, and I was
not going to let my father hurt him.

"Leave him ALONE!" I yelled.  Oops.  Wrong demand to make at the time.  I
swallowed hard.

My father rounded on me, but at least I succeeded in diverting his
attention from the bathroom.  What was I going to do now??  "What do you
think your doing?" he hissed between clinched teeth.  "This is MY house.
This is...MY HOME...you're my SON!!"  Looking at my father, I took up where
Brett left off and was mentally screaming "OH SHIT, OH SHIT."  As he blared
these statements of fact at me, he was making progress across the floor to
me.  "How could you do this to ME??" he finished and reached out his
massive hand and infolded my throat in his grip.  I disengaged from his
grip and jumped on my bed.

My voice would not come to me now.  I could not utter a sound I was so
scared.  I had never in my life seen my father so enraged.  He looked like
he had pure hate in his eyes and he no longer recognized me as his son.  I
knew I faced my last day on earth as he attempted to get a hold of me
again.  How I remained conscience and managed to avoid his repeated
attempts will remain a mystery forever.  My father was a big man.  He stood
6'4" and weighed around 230 lbs.  Every ounce, 100% prime U.S. Army stock.
He'd defended his country in Viet Nam and on many other campaigns.  He was
well trained to deal with any situation.  Not this one.

"What the hell do you think your doing DAVID??" My mother appeared in my
doorway and yelled at my father.  It's my mother!! The thought permeated my
brain.  I jumped from the bed and sprinted to her and she forced me behind
her and stood to face the onslaught of my fathers' wrath.  This little
woman, who stood barely 5'3"; flaming auburn red hair and a streak of
stubbornness that any mule would blush to have to compete against; stood in
the path of my destruction.  "Are you deaf??  I asked what in the name of
God do you think you are DOING??"  She maintained a grip on my left arm
with her left hand as she secured me to her back.

"Ask your faggot son and that other faggot in the bathroom what's going
on!!" He yelled in reply.  All sound ceased at the instant my father
mouthed those words of hatred.  I couldn't see my mothers face, but I'm
sure my father could and from his reaction to her, he knew he had
overstepped some invisible barrier.  My mother was no doubt at a loss for
words, but my father was right on one point in his reply.  I was HER son
and he was NOT going to press an advance.  She finally turned and looked at
me.  Our eyes met.  She looked pained and I imagined I was as white as a
ghost.

"Mom." I whispered

She turned back to face my father, "You take your ass down them stairs,
calm down and I'll find out what is going on up here." She said in a very
calm, yet authoritative voice.  My father had lost round one and stalked
towards us.  I ran from behind my mother and to the bathroom door as my
father walked through the bedroom door and down the stairs.  My mother came
to me and moves me away from the door.  She knocks on the bathroom door and
asked who is in there.  Brett did not answer her and she looked to me.
Maybe he had passed out.  "Who's in the bathroom Brent?"

"Brett is in there!"  I walked over to my bed and sat down.  I was
emotionally wiped out.  I didn't have the strength to breath it felt like.
I started to cry.  My mother came over to the bed and reached out her hand
towards my face.  I jerked from her as if a king cobra was about to strike
me dead; sure she was about to slap my face.  She extended her reach and
took my face in her hand and used the other to wipe the tears from my eyes
and cheeks.  She sat next to me and asked me what happened.  I told her
from the point my father had entered the room, and let her guess at what
had happened prior to his arrival.  Us being naked in bed was enough to let
her know what she needed and to explain my fathers reaction to what he saw.
Not excuse it, but explain at least.  She sat next to me in silence for
about 30 minutes; the tears continued to fall from my eyes.  Finally she
moved back to the bathroom door and spoke to Brett.

"Brett?  Please come out.  Everything is all right.  No one is going to
harm you.  Please, just come out here."

Brett opened the door and came out. He had found some clothes in the
bathroom and put them on, I assume in order to make a quick escape if need
be. My mother told him to go and sit on the bed next to me. He came and sat
down next to me and I looked at him.  "Are you ok??"  When I asked, he
started to cry and I reached out to him and brought him close to me. This
was the guy that I loved and I wanted to protect him more than I cared
about what my family thought.  I held him tight as he released the fear
inside, and I absorbed and disbursed it within.  This moment would define
the role I would take forever more.  I was the protector and defender.  I
would die before I allowed one hair on him to be harmed.

My mother gathered up Brett's clothes and handed them to him.  She asked
him to go in the bathroom and change. Brett did, and then came back
out. She told him that he should go home and that he and I would see each
other later. Brett looked at my bedroom door and then at my mother. He was
shocked. There was NO way he was going downstairs by himself to be
confronted by my father on his way out. My mother gathered as much and said
she'd walk him to the front door. Brett started towards the door and I
jumped up from the bed and went over to him.  I hugged and kissed him. I
told him that I loved him and that I'd call him later. My mother escorted
him out of the house and came back to my room. I had gotten dressed while
they were gone and was sitting at my desk staring out the window. She came
in, closed the door and walked over to me. "Brent, is this what you want?
Are you sure you know what your doing?"

I replied, "Yes, it's what I want."

At this very moment, I learned what unconditional love between a mother and
a son is. My mother sat next to me and said, "Brent all I've ever want out
of life is for you to be happy and successful. Not for me, but for
you. Your choices in life have to be your own and you will have to live
with them. I just want you to know that I love you and always will, no
matter what you do or become. I don't approve of your choice, but I accept
you as you are." She hugged me and gave me a kiss. I don't think I've ever
cried as much or for as long as I did that night.

Later that night, I could hear my parents arguing downstairs. Both were
yelling and screaming at each other. I knew it was about me, but I knew I
had my mother to defend me. I couldn't ask for better support than her. I
fell asleep to the sounds of them fighting and woke in the morning to
silence.


-------------------------------------------

This was a very tough chapter to write.  The toughest yet.  If you would
like to comment on this series, I'd appreciate any feedback, which you can
send to brent@cutey.com.  Thanks again to all those who have already
written me and express their support.  I'm overwhelmed.