Date: Wed, 06 Sep 2000 19:11:24 EDT
From: Double A
Subject: Broken Dreams...Part 6

	So, in a matter of weeks, I went from hating Chris, to making him to centre
of my entire world.

	I mean, I still had my suspicions about him, but I couldn't deny what my
dumb old heart was telling me, and it was telling me that I needed to be
with Chris big time. It was kind of ironic that french is said to be a
romance language, because romance was the only thing on my mind.

	Just so you know, though, Quebec french is nothing like the beautiful
french that they speak in France. Granted, the french are, for the most
part, a bunch of assholes, the people in Quebec were exceptionally grating.
The language was filled with so much slang, shortcuts and distortion, that
the romance was pretty much gone.

	So here I was, a twenty-year old guy with ample psychological issues, and
near-hopeless living arrangements, who hadn't renewed his license, so he
hadn't the means to legally drive, hanging around with a seventeen-year-old
kid who was so intelligent and well-spoken, that he hid it behind a mask of
shyness.

	Granted, he was almost eighteen, and he was, to some degree, still more shy
than the average male, but I think my point still stands.

	The first thought in my pretty head, was that I was feeling things for him,
because he was younger than me and more introverted, turning on my innocence
detector and making me want to do nasty things with him. I dismissed that,
though, because he had already proven to me that he was fully capable of
being on my level, and beyond. It was less than a year after my dear Aaron
passed on, so maybe it could also have been a rebound thing. I dismissed
that too, though, despite how similar Christopher was to the young Aaron
that I first fell head over feet for. Chris had a distinct personality and I
loved him for it. I didn't even love him like I loved Aaron. This was
something totally different. Stronger somehow. Deeper too. When I thought
about Chris and what he said before, I felt this warm feeling start in my
stomach and spread over my entire body. There were a few stirrings in the
groin area, but not enough to convince me that this was a sexual thing,
because it really wasn't.

	In truth, what I was most hoping for, was a slow build-up. I wanted us to
be close. I loved Chris, but I didn't want to go quickly with him. I wanted
us to do stuff together, eventually leading up to being physically close,
with some hugging and maybe some kisses too. And, eventually, when the time
was right, he and I would make love to each other. I just wanted to do
things really romantic like. I wanted things to be perfect with Chris.

	Of course, I wasn't just going to go and tell Chris all this.

	So, I sat in french class, listened to the vibrant teacher talking about
something or another, and just thought about possibilities that might occur
in the near future.

	When class got out, I nearly skipped my way to Psychology class. One of the
people in the class had decided for one reason or another, to begin a
regiment of insulting me.

	"Turn the lights on!" he commanded me.

	I stood there in shock for several seconds, before flicking the lights on
and sitting down. I placed my book and binder in an arrangement on my desk
and opened the binder to begin reviewing the notes that I took from the
previous night's reading homework.

	I was halfway past brain physiology, when Chris walked in. I looked up and
smiled at him, and he smiled back and took a seat at the farthest corner of
the room from me. I turned back around and gazed down at my notes.

	"Why didn't he sit in the chair next to mine?" I wondered to myself.

	The class went on as normal, but there was this burning feeling in my
stomach that made me wonder what I had done or said. I mean, Chris never did
make an effort to sit next to me, but it now appeared like he was actively
trying to get far away from me and I couldn't figure out why.

	The class was interesting, of course. I mean, I love psychology and the
teacher and topics are fascinating, but this was really on my mind.

	After class, everybody woke up, I guess, and started wearily walking out,
and I took that opportunity to walk over to Chris. I walked beside him as he
left the class, and he smiled at me, I suppose detecting that I had
something on my mind, and asked, "What?"

	"Chris," I started, "remember what you...I mean, what we said before?"

	Chris nodded.

	I shrugged, "Well, why didn't we, like, sit together in class or
something?"

	Chris shrugged and stopped walking. I stopped too, and he leaned in and
whispered, "I meant what I said. I just don't want people to find out
about...you know..."

	I smiled slightly and nodded. "I agree totally."

	We walked the rest of the way to the cafeteria, where he had another class,
and I got to go home for the day.

	Chris had reminded me of something that I knew already, but that needed
pounding into my head. I knew that Chris loved me, and I knew that I was
crazy about Chris, but this wasn't going to be the same thing with Aaron. As
much as I would have loved to shout my love in the hallways, or walk down
the corridors holding his hand, I knew that it was best that we kept things
simple.

	Nothing is simple, though.