Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 21:56:31 EDT
From: Double A
Subject: Broken Dreams...Part 8

	Technically, by his making that shy little gesture and me accepting, we
were now a couple. Of course, you'd never have known it, just by looking at
us or even talking to us. Well, maybe only if you listened to us really
closely.

	For the first two weeks after that little event, we promptly made no
mention of it again, and continued on with our in-school friendship, still
occasionally making mention to each other about the love that we felt. For
the significance of it, though, we showed no signs. We may as well have been
telling each other that we had a red sweater or something.

	Maybe that was just me, though. I have to admit that, even after all of
that, I still wasn't 100% sure that I loved Chris as much as he loved me. I
mean, I knew that I loved him - that part was for ding dang - but I wasn't
totally sure that we were actually progressing. I mean, Chris never even
mentioned that he was gay, although the whole loving me thing might have
been a good indicator. Than again, I can think of a few friends who I've
loved, without feeling the need to have sexual contact with them. Then
again, sexual contact wasn't necessary in even a relationship of love.

	But I digress. Chris and I continued to say that we were in love with each
other, until one day in early May. School was beginning to wrap up, final
exams were around the corner and our first semester was coming to a close.
Chris and I were the two shadows, dressed in black, despite the heat of
Montreal's early summer, and just sitting in the cafeteria and talking.

	"Any plans for the summer?" I asked him.

	"Not really." He replied, "Mostly just do a summer job or something, and
hopefully sleep a lot."

	"Well, I have to look for a job." I told him, "I live alone and it would
help pay for things."

	"You have your own place?" He asked, surprised.

	Now, we had known each other for almost four months, so how sad was it that
we didn't know where the other one lived? Come to think of it, how sad was
it that two people who were supposedly "in love" had never actually seen
each other outside of school hours?

	"Yeah, I do." I said, then heard myself add, "Wanna come over after
school?"

	I don't know why I had said that, but once it was out, I treated it like a
joking remark. I had the smile going and the mocking look in my eyes, so
when he replied, "Yeah, sure." I was taken somewhat aback.
	"You would?" I asked.

	He smiled and shrugged, looking adorable, as always, "Yeah, why not? It'd
be nice to see where you live. I don't have much homework this week, and the
stuff that I do have, I'll finish later. I'm sure I could spare a few
hours."

	So, more nervous than normal, I told Chris to meet me outside the front
doors after class and I'd take him home with me. He had liked when I said
that.

	So, after school that day, I stood outside the sliding doors of Vanier
College and waited for Chris, while watching the dumb fucks standing around
smoking.

	I knew this could be the beginning of our actual relationship, so I was
really nervous. Normally, Chris and I would talk for a few minutes, than he
or I would have to go to class. Sure, we said we loved each other, but was
it real, or just something that we enjoyed saying and hearing said back?
Now, he was going to come over for a few hours and we'd have to figure out
what to do. Also, did I clean the litterbox recently, or was the whole place
going to stink to high hell? How embarrassing would that be?! Come to think
of it, did I clean the place at all lately, or would there be dishes piled
high in the sink and cat hair tumbleweeds all over the floor?

	"Hey, Dave."

	I turned around and saw Chris standing there, and I smiled at him. "Hey,
Chrissie. Ready to go?"

	He shrugged and said "Sure. Let's go." and we were off.

	Out of respect for me, and his knowledge that it bothered me, we took the
subway, instead of his driving us. When we walked down the street,
surrounded by empty store fronts and the general atmosphere of low class
housing, I was so sure that he would comment. Aaron would have. If Aaron
could have seen where I was living, he would have gone on and on about how I
could do so much better and how living in such a poor area just wasn't good
for me.

	But Chris didn't. He didn't say anything, until we arrived at the entrance
to the building, and then all he said was, "I'm kinda looking forward to
seeing where you live. I'm sorry we've never done anything like this
before."

	I smiled, as I unlocked the door, and replied, "Well, it's not the nicest
place. Also, it's probably more my fault. I never really thought to ask you,
because I just assumed that you didn't want to or something."

	Chris shrugged, "Not really. I mean, I kinda did, but I wasn't sure.
Whatever. I'm just glad you invited me. I'm pretty happy to be with you
outside of school, finally. I love you."

	"I love you too." I responded, with a smile, as we made our way up the
stairs.

	When we arrived at the door, I turned around and warned Chris, "Now, it
might be a little dirty in there, so don't be too shocked or anything."

	He smiled, "I promise I won't be."

	With that, I opened the door and led him inside the apartment and we took
off our shoes, then went into the living room.

	"So, what do you think?" I asked, turning to him.

	His eyes scanned idly around the apartment, and then finally turned to meet
mine and said, "It's neat. It smells a little, but that's okay. It's really
kinda okay."

	I nodded, and just stood there looking at him, unsure of what to do then.
He looked like he had the same absence of an idea.

	"So..." I started, "Umm...What do you want to do now?"

	He shrugged and sat down in the black chair that was the only piece of
furniture in the living room. "I don't know. We could talk, I guess. I love
talking to you."

	I walked over and sat down on the arm rest of the chair, and replied,
"Yeah, I love talking to you too. It's so great that you're here and we can
actually spend some time together alone."

	Chris smiled, "Yeah, I really am glad that we are finally doing this.
People are such assholes and jerks, but with you, it's different. You're not
like other people. You're smart and you're sweet and you're genuine.
Everybody else is so false."

	I nodded, "You're the only one in school who I care anything about, and I
care a lot about you. I love you, Chris."

	He nodded and leaned in a little closer to the arm rest on which I was
sitting, "I love you too, Dave. I just feel like...I dunno..."

	I could see it in his eyes, and took the initiative by reaching down and
wrapping my arms around him, while he sat. He reached up and put his arms
around me too, and we sat next to each other on the chair and hugged each
other tightly. I couldn't recall feeling any better feeling than that, up
until that moment.