Date: Tue, 03 Jul 2001 19:18:25 -0500
From: Tsunami <sunkamen@netscape.net>
Subject: Reality Slap Chapter 6 part 1

Reality Slap
By tsunami

Disclaimer: If you are not 18 (or 21 in some states,) you should not be
here, unless you just accidentally tripped and landed on the left mouse
button. ^^

Disclaimer 2: Sailormoon and her friends/enemies/family are not my
property. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animations, and Kodansha
Comics.

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<Words from 'Crawling'>

 -This is a true story. Names and places have been changed. -
Chapter 6 part one of 3: Nakushita Shinzos (Lost Hearts)

The tears were rolling down my face now, and the sobbing was very
audible. I picked up my bag and left the building, and kept on walking,
past the gym, past the student parking lot, past the baseball field, and
into the woods. I collapsed on the ground once I had fully made my way in,
and sat there, hugging my knees to my chest and crying my eyes out. My life
was over.

<Crawling in my skin, these wounds, they will not heal. Fear is how I fall,
confusing what is real, whoa...>

I sat there crying, not knowing what to do, all these emotions mixed inside
of me. Rage. Hurt. Anger. Heart break. Fear. This whole situation was
slowly breaking me down to the point where I could take no more. I was so
in depth with my thoughts that I didn't know someone was behind me until I
felt rough hands pull me up by the shirt and whirl me around.

<There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface. Consuming,
confusing..>

      "Well look what we have here!" exclaimed Chris. "It's the queer boy!"
(This just isn't my day, was it?)
      "Leave me alone you jerk" I hissed at him.
      " Oh?" Chris said, still holding me up by the front of my
T-shirt. "Whatcha gonna do if I don't, fairy?" I hacked and spit right in
his face, the blob of saliva sickeningly sliding down his cheek. His face
twisted in anger as he hauled back and decked me in the side of the face,
knocking me out his grasp and landing with a loud thud on the hard forest
floor. I reached into my back pocket and underhandedly pulled out a small
canister of mace without him knowing. Just as I was about to use it, Tyler
appears and confronts Chris.
     "What the hell are you doing?!"
     "That little queen spit in my face!"
     "It's not like you didn't provoke him! Leave him alone!"
     "What?! Don't tell me you're protecting this little homo!"
     "Why would you care?! Just go!" Chris gives him a weird look and
marches out of the woods.
     "Both of you are fucking fags! Don't think you'll hear the last of
this!" With that, he disappears into the parking lot. Slowly but surely I
managed to get up and look at Chris leave, then I glare back at Tyler
before turning on my heels and leaving, but not before I'm grabbed by the
arm. I whirl back around and jerk out of his grasp.
     "Go to hell!"
     "Max, just listen to me!"
     "Why should I?!"
     "Because I love you!"
     "Uh-huh, yeah right!" I said, laughing slightly to myself. "The last
time I remember you saying that, you ended up with two hundred dollars!
Granted that you've now reminded me of the latter, you've got 5 seconds to
give me a DAMN good reason why I shouldn't slap you like the bitch you
are!"

<This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending. Controlling, I can't
seem, to find myself again, my walls are closing in. [Without a sense of
confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take]>

     I lowered my eyes and looked away. "I'm nothing more than a meal
ticket to you."
     "Max you have to believe me! I do have feelings for you! I made that
bet, before I even knew what kind of a great person you were!"
     "Really?" 'Maybe he does really love me...' I thought, as he moved
closer to me.
     "Really." He replies, leaning down to kiss me. I lean up... and spray
him right in the eyes with mace! He screams in pain and puts his hands to
his face.
     "You really think I'd buy that bullshit you bastard?!" I said,
emphasizing the last word with a punch to his face. "That's for having the
nerve to talk to me after what you did!" I follow with a sharp jab to the
gut. "That's for using me for a fucking bet!" Lastly, I kick him squat in
the nuts, a tear slipping down my cheek. "And that's...for telling me you
love me." When he's doubled over, I move behind him, and I take the wallet
from his pocket, open it, and take the $200 out of it. I toss the empty
wallet behind me and then I lean over, patting him playfully on the cheek.
     "Have a nice day."

<I've felt this way before, so insecure...crawling in my skin, these
wounds, they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real,
whoa. Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me, distracting,
reacting...>

I leave the woods, carrying my newfound money as I go back to my house. I
put it on my dresser once I get to my room and walk into the adjoining
bathroom. I wash my face, look at my bruised face in the mirror,
and...totally disgusted with what I see.

<Against my will I stand beside my own reflection, It's haunting, how I
can't seem. To find myself again, my walls are closing in [Without a sense
of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take]>

     I hated myself... the way my life has twisted around; it is nothing
how I wanted it to be. All I can see is hate, animosity, and cruelty. I
just wanted out. 'Why bother going on?' I asked myself. 'I hate this
life. I hate everyone, and everyone hates me. I'm so familiar to pain; it
would be no problem at all to just end it. Not like anyone would care.' I
thought as I calmly pulled a pack of my razor blades out from the medicine
cabinet. I opened it and took one out. It was so shiny. So
sharp. So...gratifying. I held it up to the light and looked at the
glinting metal for a moment before bringing it back down to my face. I
stared at it for the longest time, in the silence of my bathroom.

     " Weru...koko iku nada.." ("Well...here goes nothing.") I muttered
under my breath as I arced the blade downward through the air towards my
awaiting wrist.

I know this chapter is really short, I'm so sorry! You'll have to forgive
me, for this is all I had time to write this time!

You guys, I'm on my knees here! (Eww, not for that reason, you ecchis! LOL)
I'm begging you guys for responses! Love it, hate it, I don't care, just
send send send! You have the power!

sunkamen@netscape.net or IM @ Hyabuso Yuriyko