Date: Wed, 25 Sep 2002 14:02:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: Cristina <genx0022003@yahoo.com>
Subject: realizations - 7

     "Rebecca?  Hi, it's me."

     "Hey!  Do you have any idea how hard you are to
get ahold of?"

     "Me?  What are you talking about?  I've been
trying to get in touch with you for almost 3 weeks."

     "Well, anyways, you said you had something
important to tell me?"

     "Yeah, but it's not that important.  I don't even
remember what it is."  I lied, I wasn't ready to tell
her.

  We talked for about an hour, just catching up, when
the conversation took an interesting turn.  I
mentioned something about my friends and she outed
herself to me just like that.

     "Yeah, I have a few gay friends."

     "Really?  Well, you know I'm bi.  Right?"

     "No, I can't say that I did, but you know that
important thing I had to tell you?"

     "Yeah?"

     "I was going to tell you I was bi, but I didn't
know how you'd react."

  We both cracked up at the irony of the situation and
went on discussing people we'd been with and/or wanted
to be with.  I told her about the situation with
Dominique and she said that I was probably better off
not talking to her right now.  It helped to finally
have someone new to talk to.  We made plans to hang
out with Crystal and Amy to go see a movie or
something.  We just had to find a way to pry Crystal
away from her new job.  Sonic worker by day, lesbian
stripper by night...jouvenile deliquent on her off
days.  Amy was all for it.  She looks forward to any
excuse to see Crystal more.  I guess it's been almost
2 months now they've been together.  Which is about
how long it took them to convince me they actually
were together.  We all joked around about it so long I
didn't know how to react when they said they were
serious.  A strange thought occurred to me... Rebecca
reminds me alot of the girl in my dreams.

3 Months Later:

  So now it's been 3 months and Rebecca and I are now
together.  (Don't ask, I don't know how it happened
either.)  It's the 4th of July and supposed to be our
2 month anniversary, but where am I?  In my room
crying with Crystal and Amy.  Why?  I just found out
Rebecca cheated on me with some guy.  The only eye
witness I have is some 2-faced lying whore who's name
I don't feel is worth mentioning.  Anyways, she says
they just kissed and I believed her until the eye
witness said they did more.  Now, should be the point
where I leave her ass and find someone else, but no.
I decided to give her another chance half out of the
fear that I would fall for Dominique again.  I start
my Junior year next month and I don't want to have
that to deal with right now.  Especially now that I'm
actually looking forward to school starting.  (Only 2
years left and I have a car, hell yeah.)

1st day of school:

  So, I've already been to 1st block (physics) and it
seems okay.  (I have a few friends in there blah,
blah, blah, more boring shit...I think I'll skip ahead
to the important stuff.)  On to Speech.  I walk in and
I remember thinking, "Great, I don't see anyone in
here that I feel like talking to on a daily basis.
This is shit.".  I remember sitting with a few people
I knew and some girl I hate.  (She will also remain
nameless.)  Anyways, I also remember singling this one
preppy looking chick out and thinking, "She looks like
a stuck up bitch and someone that would never talk to
me.".  (Funny the ironic twist that thought later came
to take.)  I really hate when I judge people like that
and I would definitely say that's my worst character
trait.  Our teacher went on to have us fill out cards
with some stupid stuff about our favorite things.  She
then split the tables up and had each of us go and
introduce ourselves to a new table.  I got stuck with
the preppy chick's table.  So, we introduce ourselves
and I get the shock of my life...not only is the
preppy chick nice, she's hilarious, too.  By the way,
she's super cute, she was a Senior, and her name is
Jennifer.  Still, I had my girlfriend and she looked
extremely straight, so I decided to keep my distance
and stick to my table for the first few months.  I
figured, I'd probably just end up falling for another
straight girl and making the rest of my time here,
hell.  On down the line, the girl I hate (we'll call
her PW) ended up becoming friends with Dominique and
found out my sexual preference.  (A special thanx to
my good friend Dominique.  But, we do still talk and I
did forgive her since she hasn't done anything like
that since.  She just got used to all of our close
friends knowing about me and ended up saying something
like PW knew about me.)  I ended up moving to what I
called my "Desk of Solitude".  So-named, because it
was the only desk in a room full of tables.  Jennifer
had started joking with me one day and PW felt the
need to inform her, "I wouldn't mess with that girl.
You know she's really like that?"  Her response:  As
we were watching My Fair Lady she walked over and sat
next to my desk on the floor and watched the rest of
the movie with her head on my shoulder.  It was the
coolest thing anyone had ever done for me.  The next
day, we all moved tables and I ended up sitting with
her and two other girls we both knew.  We joked around
all the time and really clicked, (I even talked to
Rebecca about her) but she started getting suspicious
and finally asked me if I was gay.  (The other two
girls, Kristy and Jacqui, already knew because I told
them last year when I first started dating Rebecca.)
Her exact words were, "You're not really like that are
you?  Cause I would hate to think this whole time I've
been messing with you and you really are gay."  I was
kinda pissed and a little hurt, but I just said no I
wasn't and she dropped it.  I mean, I would hate for
her to think she'd been messing around with a real
lesbian.  A few weeks later though, she asked again.
This time I figured if she was going to be pissed at
me, let her be.  Because I don't need people like that
in my life.  So I told her,
     "No, that's the wrong word to use."

     "So, you're bi?"

     "Yes."

     "Oh my God.  So, have you ever been with a girl
before?"

     "Well, I'm with one now.  Does that count?"  I
couldn't believe we were having this conversation.

     "Well, that's cool beans as long as I don't have
to hear about it."  Then, not even 5 minutes
later..."I'm curious though.  What do 2 girls do?"

     "You're joking right?"

     "No, I'm being for real."

     "I am not having this conversation with you.  You
don't want to hear about it, remember?"

     "No, I'm sorry.  But, for real, just tell me."

     "Well, you have 3 options, tongue, fingers, or
dildos."  She looked disappointed.

     "That's it?  Hell, I could do that myself."  I
had to raise an eyebrow at that.  "Well, not that, but
you know what I mean."

     "I was about to say you're quite talented if you
can do that."  We talked some more before class was
over discussing Rebecca (I told Rebecca about her and
she did get a little jealous.  I believe her exact
words were, 'Why don't you just leave me and go for
Jennifer?'  Which, if I ever thought I had a chance
with her I probably would have.  Rebecca has never
been there for me when I needed someone and even after
I gave her a second chance, she still takes me for
granted.) and her boyfriend James. (Turns out they've
been together almost two years now.)  We still talked
and joked around, so obviously she didn't take it
quite as badly as I thought she would.  We didn't talk
outside of school though and I was still kind of
curious to see that side of her as well.  (By the way,
I know I still have two more periods, but all the
interesting stuff happens in the 1st two blocks of my
day.  Besides, what could possibly happen in Band and
English 3 that would have any relevance?) She said she
couldn't wait to go home and tell James and her best
friend Torrence that I was gay as well as funny.  She
said she talked to them about me all the time.  (She
talks about me outside of school to the two most
important people in her life and thinks I'm funny?)  I
told her that I talked to Rebecca about her, too.  Jen
asked if she got jealous of me talking to other girls.
 And I told her, not in great detail, that not
usually, but she did feel threatened by her.  She
laughed and thought it was funny that she could make
someone jealous she's never even met.  A few weeks
later we started this band fund raiser and she was the
only one that bought candy from me everytime I had the
stuff.  So, when it came time for her Ag fund raiser
(Yes, she was in Ag, we have to have so many elective
credits to graduate, so back off.) I bought fruit from
her.  (The relevance of this will come later.)  This
one day we were joking around and she took my pen.
Normally, I wouldn't have cared, but today this was my
only pen and I still had English 3.  So, after trying
unsuccesfully for a good 15 minutes, (Not just
physically trying to get the pen back.  I was trying
everything, including embarassment, to get the damn
thing back.  She's not the easiest person to embarass.
 At one point, I grabbed the pen with her still
holding it and yelled, "Jennifer!  Stop trying to hold
my hand."  Which got a few people's attention, but she
couldn't care less.) I gave up.  Then, out of nowhere
she asks,
     "Do you trust me?"

     "No."  I really did, I just didn't want to admit
that.

     "Just close your eyes.  I wanna try something."
Now she had my curiosity.  And as they say, curiosity
did kill the cat.

     "What the hell?  No way."

     "Just do it.  Please."  That was all it took.
She had me and she knew it.

     "Alright, alright."  And I did.  Anything for her
to never say please like that again.

     "Okay, now I'm going to move the pen next to your
face and I want you to tell me if you can feel where
it's at."  I felt her put the pen next to my nose.

     "Yeah, what's your point."  Now, I was
frightened.  I knew she was up to something I just
didn't know what.

     "Okay, what about here?"  I felt her move the pen
again.

     "Yeah, and?"  Just as I realized what she was up
to I felt the pen being shoved up my nose.  Oh, she
was almost crying because she was laughing so hard.  I
on the other hand, now had a slight stinging sensation
where the pen scraped the inside of my nose.

     "You still want your pen back?"  She asked, still
laughing.

     "Yeah, you whore.  That would be nice."

     "Then say it."

     "Say what?"  I really had no clue what she was
talking about.

     "Jennifer is the master of the universe and my
world."

     "Oh come on.  No way.  Just give me my pen back."

     "If you really want your pen back you'll say it."

     "Alright, alright.  Jennifer is the master of the
universe and my world."  I muttered, hoping no one
would hear.

     "What?  What was that?  I didn't quite hear you."

     "I said, "JENNIFER IS THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE
AND MY WORLD!"  Woah buddy, did that do the trick.
The 3 people left in the room who weren't paying
attention to what we were doing were all ears now.

     "Oh yeah, baby.  You know it.  Are you guys
hearing this shit?"  Excuse me?  Did she just say
baby?

     "You really get off on this shit, don't you?"
She was still cheesing bad with her cheschire cat
grin.  "Happy now?"

     "Quite."  She said as she tossed me my pen.

A FEW WEEKS LATER (somewhere near the end of October):

  I was in Physics when Crystal leaned over to tell me
she was feeling sick.  Knowing she's diabetic, I asked
if she took any insulin this morning.  She said no,
she didn't have time.  She asked if I could take her
home to get some.  Seeing this as the perfect
opportunity to help my friend and get out of class to
see Rebecca, we both walked up to the teachers desk
and got permission to go sign out at the front office.
 (Rebecca is Crystal's cousin and they live close
together.  There's only a little bridge that seperates
the two houses.)  I didn't really want to miss 2nd
block, but I did want to see Rebecca.  I decided to
call first to make sure she was there.
She picked up on the third ring.

	"Hello."

	"Hey, honey.  I'm over at Crystal's.  We had to get
her some insulin and I thought I'd swing by your house
before we go back.  I was thinking we could both skip
2nd block and come back after lunch."  I could
hearsome guy in the background laughing.

	"Well, my friend here thinks you guys should just go
back to school.
you don't need to miss any classes anyways."

	"Rebecca, I have Speech next block.  I was going to
miss my favoriteclass for you.  You know what?
Nevermind.  Just go fuck your little friend
over there and we'll talk later."  I didn't even wait
for an answer.  I just hung up the phone and we left.
I was so pissed when we got back to class.
We still had 15 minutes left in Physics.  It did give
me a chance to cool down before Speech, but Jennifer
still picked up that something was wrong.  I walked in
and layed my head down on the table, since I was one
of the first ones in and a few minutes later I felt
someone run their hand through my hair.I looked up to
see Jennifer with a look of genuine concern.

	"Aww, is Harmony pissy?  Do you wanna talk about it?"
 How does she always know when I'm upset.  Sometimes,
I think she knows what I'm feeling before I do.  I
could've cried, she was being so sweet.  I just layed
my head back down and eventually
told her what happened with Rebecca.  That night I
went home, called Rebecca and broke up with her.

A/N:  Two chapters in less than a month.  You guys
should be happy for me, but don't get too used to it.
I just happened to have some extra time on my hands
the last few weeks.