Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 12:39:52 -0400
From: berthusa@netscape.net
Subject: Rediscovering Friendship 5

This story will probably be pretty slow to develop. It's a mixture of
reality and what was fantasy on my part. It'll eventually include sex
between consenting adult males. If that's offensive, or if it is not legal
for you to read it, please don't.

The story also takes place right before awareness of the horror of AIDS.

Winter releases it's grip slowly in Minnesota, and it seemed that the
aftermath of Kris' heart attack was taking a cue from the weather. Over
time, though, it did start to warm up, and Kris continued to improve.

I continued to make my daily trips over to drop off and pick up his
homework, and we continued to grow close. We'd only had two sexual
encounters, but it seemed to be the way it should be.

Kris continued to talk to me about his fears over the surgery that could
either cure him or kill him. I continued to empathize as best as I could,
but it was really something I'd never had to face. I didn't bother to say
`I know how you feel' because I didn't, and I think Kris actually
appreciated that I didn't -- So may other people were bordering on
patronizing him with their expressions of concern.

We maintained our routine until it rolled around to mid March. If you're
not from Minnesota, you might be surprised to learn that it's actually our
snowiest month. We were teased mercilessly by Mother Nature one fine
Tuesday when the temperature soared to 65 degrees. It was in shirtsleeves
and bright sunshine that I made my way to Kris' house. As usual, his mom
was there to greet me when I rang the bell.

"Hey, Mrs. K. How's everything today?"

"It's so nice to see the sun! I had to open some windows today just to air
the house out. I think it got Kris wishing he could go outside. It's hard
to believe he's been in the house since December."

"How is our patient today?"

"Well, a he seems to have a little cabin fever today, but other than that,
I think he's fine."

"Well, I suppose I should get the assignments up to him. See ya later."

"OK. Will you be staying for dinner with us?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"No, we should be the ones thanking you. You've given up so much of your
time to be here with Kris. How can we ever properly thank you?"

"You already have. Dinners 3 nights a week count for something, you
know. And I really don't mind stopping by. Believe it or not, my grades are
actually improving this quarter. I think it helps to have someone to study
with."

"Well, thank you again for all you've done. You'll never know how much we
appreciate it."

"Really, it's my pleasure, but thank you."

What is it about moms of sick kids? She'd talk an ear off if I let
her. She's really a sweet woman, though.

Up the familiar staircase and over to Kris' room. My familiar knock and I
walk right in.

"Hey there. How's it goin'?"

"I gotta get out of this freakin' house, man! Walk with me down to the
park, will ya?"

"Is that wise? Are you strong enough to get there and back?"

"Yes! Come on, man. I haven't been out of this house since last year! Last
year! Come on!"

"Alright, alright. Let's get you ready to go."

Around the house, Kris tended to wear sweatpants or shorts and a tee
shirt. Even though it was nice outside, I didn't want to risk his getting
sick because the weather had fooled us. I helped him into a pair of Levi's
and got him to put on a sweatshirt. We got his shoes on, and made our way
to the front door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Just up to the park for a little while, mom."

"I don't know..."

"Come on, mom! I'll go crazy if I can't get out of the house for a while!"

"Well, just down to the park. Not too long--Try to be back home in a half
hour."

"Aw, mom..."

"Dan, will you make sure he's back in a half hour?"

"I'll do my best, Mrs. K."

"Thank you. Now be careful." She leaned in and planted a kiss on Kris'
cheek.

"Thanks, mom! Love ya!"

It's a good thing that the park was only a little more than a block away. I
could see that Kris was tiring by the time we got there.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. I just have to take a break."

We went to one of the benches near the pool. In a couple of months, the
benches would be full of people, but today, as nice as it was, there were
only two other people in the park. I took a seat toward the middle of the
bench and Kris sat next to me.

"We'll just take it easy for a few."

"Thanks, man. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd probably do your senior year in high school again without me."

"Yeah. I'm glad you're my friend. Really, really glad."

"Me too."

"I'm glad we're out of the house. I want to talk to you."

"Oh yeah? What about?"

"Well, I've been thinking about us. I could see me spending the rest of my
life with you, you know."

I was stunned. Kris was someone I'd had wet dreams over, had gotten close
to, drifted away from, and gotten even closer to over time. I felt that if
I wasn't in love with him, I'd never know what love was.

"Really? I feel the same way."

"Well then why don't you ever talk about it?"

"I think it's because my family doesn't talk about feelings. If you're not
raging mad or blissfully happy, you just don't show emotion."

"Well, I'd like for you to be able to talk to me. About anything. Anytime."

"OK."

"I'm serious."

"I know you are. I'm just thinking it might take me a while to be able to
be really open. I'm just not used to it."

"We can get you started on it. Consider this therapy. What are you feeling
right now?"

"I'm happy. But I'm also scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"I know you have had much time to look around the world lately, but a
couple of guys aren't exactly the postcard ideal for a couple. I'm scared
because if I'm in love with you, it must mean I'm gay. If I'm gay, I have
no idea how my family will react to that. Or everybody else. We'd be moving
targets at school."

"Alright. If you're gay, then I am, too. I don't see anything wrong with
it. Some people go through their whole lives without finding love. We're
lucky; we found it early in life. As far as how your family reacts, they'll
either accept it or they won't. I think you've got to do what's right for
you. School won't be a problem, I don't get by there very often these
days."

"Yep. I do love you. If that means I'll burn in hell, at least I'll have
someone that I love with me."

I was almost surprised to hear myself say that last part. Have I mentioned
that I attended a Catholic school for a few years? Part of the teachings of
the church was that homosexuality is a sin, practicing homosexuality a
mortal sin.

"I honestly don't think God cares that much. There are people starting wars
all over the world, people killing people, and you think you're going to
burn in hell because you love another guy?"

"It was part of the culture of the Catholic school. I haven't really
thought too much about it, even though I've suspected for a long time that
that's who I was."

"Maybe you should think about it a little bit. Do you really think God is
so petty?"

"I don't know. I'll have to think long and hard about it."

Kris leaned in close and kissed me. Right on the lips, right out in front
of God and anybody else who might be passing by.

"What are you doing?"

"Kissing you."

"Can it wait until we're behind closed doors?"

"Yes. Man, you're uptight."

"Maybe, or I could just be a little more realistic than someone who's been
locked up 4 months."

"Maybe. You know, I think our half hour's about up, and my mom's gonna be
freaking. Want to head back?"

"And get you behind a closed door? Try and stop me."