Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2012 19:34:08 +0800
From: Ben Ng <ng.ben9@gmail.com>
Subject: Rick's Diary Part 29 - Lingering Thoughts

Lingering Thoughts

That morning he made love to me non-stop, until we were both
starving and had to get something to eat. When he came for the
last time, he was as exhausted as I was, and his cock barely
pumped a few drops of cum into me.

He grunted loudly. "I'm spent. That's it. You got the last of
it."

"That's it? You fucked me continuously for like 12 hours!"

"No, I took breaks... but still, it's the longest marathon sex
I've had!" He held me in his arms as he came down from his
latest orgasm and sighed contently. "This is nice. If only
every day can be like this."

"Then we will never graduate! And never win the game!"

"I don't care about any of that anymore, Rick. I'm happy now,
for the first time in... gosh... in years."

"Then let's stay like this for a while longer." I snuggled
against him, and he held me tighter. "What is it like to make
love to a guy?"

"Well, it's the first time I make love to anyone. It's...
different. It's a lot more intimate and loving."

"Yes."

He sighed. "I wonder... if it would be the same... with Jimmy."

I paused. For a moment I have forgotten about Jimmy. My world
consisted of only Ben and me, but I was once again reminded
that we still had a long way to go. "I'm sure it would be, as
long as two people love each other."

The last time I was this happy was years ago, when I was with
Mike. I was reminded how short that happiness lasted, and I
was suddenly afraid of losing it all. "Ben?"

"Yes?"

"You won't dump me for whatever reason, will you?"

"Why would I? You've been by my side all these years, and I
would have been miserable without you."

"But... would there ever come a time... say you suddenly change
your mind and want to go back to girls?"

He chuckled. "You think I'm Mike? Rick..." He turned me around
and looked right into my eyes. "I don't care what people say
about my sexuality. I am who I am."

"But... you said you weren't gay, and you didn't love me that
way. Does that mean..."

"Things have changed since then, Rick. I didn't know I had
that in me until last night. You... changed me somehow."

"So you are now suddenly gay?"

"Let's just say I'm bi and leave it at that, ok? Stop
analyzing everything!"

"Ben, it's not that I want to, but last time with Mike,
everything backfired because he didn't want to be gay!"

"I'm not Mike, I told you!" He leaned in and gave me a tender
kiss.

"But... what about Jimmy? You are not getting over him any time
soon."

He sighed. "Let's just take it one step at a time, ok?"

"Yeah, I think I'm just... traumatized by the last relationship
I had."

"Now stop comparing me to that ogre. Let's get something to
eat!" I can tell he was a bit irritated by my questions,
especially when I asked about Jimmy. I knew we were fighting
an uphill battle.

By then it was already lunch time. We have skipped the morning
classes and the cafeteria was empty except for a few people.
Most people were having lunch on campus instead of in the
dorms. I noticed Mike sitting at a corner alone. It
immediately brought back memories. During the week Mike and I
were together, we joked and laughed all the way here from our
room. Those were happy times. Now, sitting at a corner alone,
Mike looked miserable.

Ben and I of course were on cloud nine. We joked and laughed
much the same as I did with Mike, but now I'm with Ben. The
similarities were striking. We were making lots of noise, with
Ben making silly jokes using exaggerated gestures, making me
laugh out loud. I took one glance at Mike and his face was
twisted in agony. He abruptly stood up, pushed his chair back,
threw his tray to one side and left. I felt bad for him.

Noticing I was looking elsewhere, Ben followed my gaze. "It
was Mike?" I nodded.

He shrugged. "Isn't he busy fucking girls?"

"Not since a long time ago. He seems to be on his own a lot
lately."

"You still care about him?"

I shrugged. "He was my ex, so to speak."

He sighed. "I still can't believe you fell in love with that
ogre."

"Let's not talk about him, ok? If you don't, I promise I won't
talk about Jimmy."

He flinched when he heard that name. He took a deep breath and
said, "Deal." I realized that even if I didn't talk about
Jimmy, he had such a deep impact on Ben. I started worrying
about our future. Last time with Mike, I was in blissful
ignorance, and I paid dearly for that. This time, I'm going to
do everything I can to maintain this relationship, but I'm not
going to be naïve and think that nothing could go wrong.

When we were done with lunch, Ben and I walked back in
silence. He was deep in thought, and I had no doubt that it
had to do with Jimmy.

When we reached our room, he closed the door behind me and
asked, "Rick, how do you think our relationship will turn
out?"

"Well, we are off to a good start, I think we can continue
with what we have and just... deepen the relationship."

"Do you think... that I will ever get over... you know... and truly
love you the way you want me to?"

"If last night was any proof..." I smiled.

"Not just the sex. I'm saying... can I really love you like... a
couple does?"

"Love is something you need to learn... it gets better the more
you practice."

He suddenly had a naughty smile on his face. "Shall we, um,
practice lovemaking then?" He rubbed his crotch and I could
already see a bulge.

"And what, skip the afternoon classes as well?"

"To hell with the classes! We are about to graduate! And God
knows what will happen after that!" He looked at me, and for
the first time I saw that he really cared about our
relationship. He was afraid to lose it as much as I was.

"Fine by me!" I started stripping and in no time we were on
the bed, fucking. I wouldn't miss anything for this. Most of
the people were in classes and the dorms were practically
empty, so we didn't hold back. We were moaning and grunting
loudly. What I didn't know at that time was that Mike was
outside, listening. All I knew was that there was a loud noise
outside, as though someone punched the wall.

We had lots of sex in the afternoon as well. Ben fucked me in
every conceivable position. He really was a beast when it came
to sex. He could last and last. And being in our early
twenties, he recharged quickly. I totally forgot about
classes, football, or anything else. Our room was our whole
world, and I was happy as long as Ben was with me.

In the back of my mind I had a nagging feeling that good
things don't last. Part of it had to do with Mike, of course,
but also Ben's struggle with Jimmy. Sometimes I was able to
brush it aside, but it always came back. It lingered in my
mind.

Coach was of course not happy that we missed practice that
day. With only one week left till our big game, he was
flipping his lid. "What the fuck were you guys doing? What
could possibly be so important, that my quarterback and
receiver would decide to both skip practice one week before
the big game?" He was so mad his entire face and neck was red.
It was almost comical to see him like this, if you could
distance yourself from the madness.

Ben was quick to respond, as always. "Coach, remember I told
you what the Bruins did to me last time? I was having a really
hard time and Rick was helping me deal with it." This sounded
so innocent and logical that Coach bought it immediately. Ben
was always his favorite.

"Is it true?" Coach looked at me and I nodded. He calmed down
right away. "So how are you dealing with it, Ben?"

"It's going really well, Coach. Rick helped me a lot." He
flashed a smile at me and I almost laughed out loud.

Coach looked at us and could certainly see that we were both
very happy. The tension that was there a few days ago was
gone. "You guys better give me 110% next week, you hear me? I
want that championship! And you better get your asses here
every day after classes, or I will own your asses!"

Gee, all that talk of asses. "My ass already belongs to Ben."
I thought to myself. Coach must have seen the smirk on my face
and the glance I made to Ben. Hell, if he didn't catch
anything from my episode with Mike last time, he should have
figured something out by now.

Coach suddenly lowered his voice. "Look, I don't care if you
are fuck buddies or whatever, just win me that championship,
ok? I'm retiring this year and I really want to go out with a
bang."

"We want that as much as you do, Sir!" I assured him. By not
responding to his "fuck buddy" comment I essentially admitted
it. Ben was just red in the face, guilty as charged.

"Ben, you can go now. Be here on time tomorrow, you hear me?
Rick, I want to speak to you in private." Ben looked at me,
embarrassed, and left quickly. He looked so cute.

"Rick," Coach drew my attention, "you got to be careful. You
had that thing with Mike during your freshman year and now
this thing with Ben. I can see it in your eyes, the way you
look at him."

"Yes, Sir."

"Football guys are a sensitive bunch. A lot of them are
homophobic, as I'm sure you know. Not everyone is as
understanding as I am. Keep a low profile, you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir!"

"You two, really... and Mike too?" He shook his head. "I'd never
guess..."

"They are mostly straight, Sir, I'm the one who..." I smiled
without making it too obvious.

Coach nodded. "I thought so." For a brief moment his eyes went
to my ass. "I've seen it all, Rick, all these years as a
coach. Times have changed, people are slowly accepting it, but
still, you got to be careful. You are a nice kid, and I can
tell you really turned things around with Ben." He nodded
approvingly.

"I will keep this between us, if you'd promise to keep a low
profile, and win the damn championship for me, ok?"

"Yes, Coach! You are the best!" I gave him a crooked smile and
left his office. It felt good to have someone who understood.

Back in our room, it was another sex marathon. We cut as many
classes as we could, but kept our promise and showed up at
football practice. It turned out all the lovemaking helped. We
knew what each other was thinking even before we did anything.
Before he threw the ball, I was right where he wanted me to
be. He would throw it exactly where I would catch it. It was
magical. Everyone was high. With this kind of play we had a
good chance of beating the Bruins. Everyone was happy...
everyone except Mike, that is. He changed and left without
saying a word, while the rest of the team crowed around us,
talking about the great plays we made.