Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2012 09:01:25 +0800
From: Ben Ng <ng.ben9@gmail.com>
Subject: Rick's Diary Part 37 - The Champion and the Loser

The Champion and the Loser

That night had an amazing effect on Mike. He seemed to be much
more comfortable with himself now. For years he was struggling
with his sexual identity, but when he faced us and told us he
was proud to be bisexual, something changed in him. He was
much more relaxed, much happier. He also seemed to be more
confident as Josh kept telling him what a nice, big cock he
had, and how he can reach places others cannot. Ben was not
happy with that, but there was nothing he could do.

Ben also surprised me by spending a lot of time with Mike,
teaching him how to be a quarterback. He really showed him
everything, and sometimes they would spend the entire
afternoon together, going through the calls and the plays.
Sometimes I help out as receiver. In the evenings Mike would
come to our room to fuck. Ben said the sex was training for
his stamina, a part of the football training. Josh loved
Mike's big cock and blonde hair. In a sense it was everything
Mike wanted: he was getting better at football, so he was
closer to his dreams; he was getting more sex than he could
handle, and he was getting a healthy boost of self esteem from
Josh. Mike worshipped Ben now. Ben was his life coach, sex
coach, and football coach. He showed Mike a lot about being
confident. He said being a quarterback meant he must own the
field. He must make split second decisions and Mike can only
do that if he's ultra confident. I could see the positive
change in Mike after only a few days. I had to give it to Ben.

Coach was amazed by the change as well. He was willing to give
Mike more chances as quarterback. "You really turned him
around, Ben. I'm impressed."

Although the exact motive for his action was uncertain, I
deeply appreciated Ben's efforts. Although I didn't think Mike
was an ideal partner for me, I had deep concerns for him. I
wanted him to be happy, to be sure of himself. It seemed Ben
was finally helping him to achieve that, something I tried but
failed.

When Mike won his first game as a quarterback, he was
ecstatic. He hugged Ben tightly and cried. He kept saying
thank you, thank you, thank you. Ben was looking at me for
help, as if saying "get this ogre away from me!" It was funny.
Although our team tried to throw him in the air, he proved to
be too big and heavy.

There were times when the situations got tough and Coach had
to switch Ben in, but it happened less often as Mike got
better. Even Coach was impressed by his improvement. "You've
really held your own, Mike." Mike was moved to tears again. He
felt like a hero for the first time. When our final game came,
Mike played as quarterback the whole time and we won. Our team
went crazy and this time we did manage to throw Mike into the
air, but only briefly. He almost landed on his ass as we
couldn't quite catch him.

It was his moment to shine. I've never seen Mike so happy or
proud. I was happy for him inside, but I was even more
thankful to Ben. I pulled him aside to chat. "Ben, thanks for
doing this. I really appreciate it."

"Why? I helped him, not you." He smiled.

"You know how much I care about him."

"I know, Rick." He whispered. "That's why I did it." He
winked. An electric shock went through me.

"You did all this for ME?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"I know you were disappointed that I hooked up with Josh, even
though you didn't show it. I want to do something for you. I
want to make Mike worthy of you." He said tenderly.

I was shaking. "You really did this... for me?" I couldn't
believe it.

"Rick, remember I said `you are the only person in the world I
give a damn about?' I mean it."

"Ben..." I was speechless.

"Enjoy the all new, confident Mike!" He smiled and walked off.
Ben thought he was doing me a favor by turning Mike into a
better person: more confident, sure of his sexuality, and a
better lover. Little did he know that Mike could never replace
him in my mind. But the fact that Ben would go through all
that trouble, spending countless hours helping this "ogre"
that he didn't even like, that spoke volume. I was so touched
I started shaking uncontrollably and had to sit against the
wall.

"What's the matter?" Mike came over to me and asked gently. He
really looked so different now, beaming with confidence and
pride.

"I'm just... emotional... so much has happened."

"Yeah, I know. So much has changed." He sat with me on the
ground and wrapped his giant arm around my shoulder. "Rick, I
couldn't have done it without you."

"Me? Ben was the one who trained you."

"But you, you inspired me. You told me to face myself. You
told me to find strength within me, to look inside and find
who I am. You taught me so much."

I could hold it no longer. I started to cry. Mike hugged me
tightly. He was no longer afraid to show affection to me in
public. So much has changed indeed. From a distance Ben was
smiling at me, his arm around Josh's shoulders. They walked
away slowly.

"Rick, I'm ready to face who I am now. Will you start over
with me?"

"Mike, are you sure? All those things you said about football
and being gay?"

"I'm bi, and I've accepted it, thanks to you and Ben."

"But..." I was still unsure. I still loved Ben more than
anything! After everything I told Mike about being honest with
himself, I couldn't lie to him! "Mike, I still love Ben!"

He looked hurt, but not surprised. "I know, but do you love
me?"

"I... I do... but... it's different!"

"So will you be with me?" He sounded sad, as if he already
knew the answer. I remembered saying that if Ben would have
nothing to do with me, I would choose to be with Mike. And now
it seemed the dust has settled, but I didn't like the result!
I didn't like my choice taken away!

I took a deep breath and said, "Mike, can you give me some
time? This is a really important decision and I need to be
sure."

"Sure, Rick, I expect nothing less." He seemed relieved that I
didn't reject him. He let go and walked off to our
celebration, leaving me more confused than ever. Ben has set
this up! He wanted to be with Josh and he wanted me to be with
Mike! But that's not what I wanted! I still wanted Ben!

I was in deep conflict as I went back to the locker room.
Everyone was cheering, shouting, screaming, congratulating
each other for winning the championship. Coach was on cloud
nine. The guys were throwing him into the air. Ben and Josh
were on one side, chatting happily. Mike was looking at me
with yearning eyes. I was the only person who felt like going
crazy! This was not what I wanted! I ran away, holding back
tears. For so many years I loved Ben, but this ending was not
what I was hoping for! It's like everything I worked so hard
for suddenly melted into nothingness. Mike chased after me.
Ben looked worried. But I was too sad to care.

I went to my favorite spot on campus to cry. Very few people
were on campus at that time, so I really let it out. I felt a
little better after crying my lungs out.

"Gee, I can hear you from ten blocks away." A voice sounded
from some distance away. It was Ben, of course. He found me
again.

"Rick, I'm so sorry. I have no idea this is not what you want.
I thought... you'd give Mike a chance."

"You know who I love most, Ben."

"I do, but... we tried that, and it didn't work."

"Can't we give it another try?"

There was pain on his face. "Rick... you are the most important
person in my life, but... it was just... too much for me."

"I'll tone it down. I'll change. Please!" I begged.

"Rick..." He sat behind me and hugged me tightly. "I'm forever
in debt to you. If there's a way to make this work, I'll try."

"So it's a yes?"

His was in agony. "But... I don't think it'd work."

I started crying uncontrollably. I've lost everything. "Rick,
I've made you cry again. I'm so sorry." He stood up, and
before he left, I felt his tears landing on me. "I'm so
sorry."

And he was gone.