Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2008 10:44:50 -0700
From: unclebugga73@msn.com
Subject: the river of no return 2

If anyone was kind enough to give me any feedback on the last chapter, I'm
sorry to say I didn't receive it.  There's something wrong with my email.
But this new one I've listed here will work for sure.  So if you like this
story or even if you hate it, please let me know.  I am just sort of
slapping this thing together, so my feelings won't be too moved either way.

Please send feedback to unclebugga73@msn.com

Thank you to anyone who might have given your opinion already.  I really
appreciate it.

                *******************************

     His baby blues alternated between gazing at the wound on my neck to
something deep behind my own restless eyes.  I kept telling myself that it
was just me - just my over-active, conclusion-jumping, hormone-inspired
imagination - but I could've sworn his gaze lingered longer on whatever he
saw in my eyes than it did on my Idiot Indicator.  He moved closer.  I
could feel his breath on my neck as he studied the welt.  His eyes
continued to stray up to mine, but now they were only inches away.

     As I tried to convince myself that what I thought was happening wasn't
happening, he suddenly left no doubt.

     It was happening.

     His eyes suddenly locked onto mine and didn't leave.

     I stood there, peering down into those reassuring, achingly inviting
orbs trying to control my breathing.  Without removing his eyes from mine,
he reached his hand up under the mosquito net and rubbed the welt ever so
gently.  I trembled at his touch and almost looked away, but I held.  He
caressed the raised, red wound as if my neck were made of the most fragile
glass.  Then his hand slid down till his fingers were feeling the small
triangle of exposed skin on my chest just above the highest button of my
shirt and below my Adam's Apple.  His fingers stroked my hairless chest as
though cherishing the texture of a silk garment.


     I was totally motionless save for the tremble in my legs and in my
stomach.  I peered down into those deep blue oceans that colored his eyes
and wondered if I should touch him back.

     Of course I should.  But someone with social anxiety disorder never
has the nerve to do WHAT he should WHEN he should.  He's always too afraid
of embarrassment, of misreading signals and making the wrong move.  An
inappropriate move.  So he always makes no move.  Never says anything.
Always ends up regretting his inaction.  Always ends up alone.

     Of course I should've touched back.  But I didn't.

     I was screaming at myself in my head to at least say something.  But,
I didn't.

     After a few more seconds of subtly petting my chest, Corey suddenly
stepped back and looked at the ground with his hands in his pockets.  Then
his attention then went back to the view of the valley below us.

     "You know what I like most about Alaska?" he asked in a tone all
together new from anything I'd heard from him in the last week since we'd
first met.  I didn't answer right away.  Couldn't.  Not until I was sure
that the tremble in my legs and gut wasn't going to rattle my voice.

     "What's that?"  I finally spoke, with a throat as dry as the desert I
came from.

     "When you are here...  Way out here... So far from civilization...
Far from any signs of life other than the bears and mosquitos...  When you
are way out here you are far away from judgments... and condemnation."

     What he was saying was at once a splash of elation and a drenching of
sorrow.  Elation that all his little signals had been what I had thought,
what I had hoped.  The sorrow, however, had overrun the elation like a
flood swallowing a puddle.  The sorrow rained down in the form of the
understanding of just what he was feeling.  The same ache, those same
longing pangs that I had been wrenched with less than half an hour earlier
were now gnawing at him.  I felt for him.  I knew.  I knew just what that
pain was all about.  My agony, of course, was compounded by the confusion
of a cock that still responded to girls in cut-offs.  I didn't know if
Corey had this added dilemma or not; but somehow I hoped he did.  I don't
know why but I didn't want him to be completely into guys.  The idea
lessened his attractiveness for some reason.  Mostly, though, I wanted to
understand him more, to relate to what he was going through, and him to me.

     He stared a while longer at the view.  All the while I stood watching
him and wishing I knew what to say and that I had the courage to say it.  I
wanted him.  Wanted to hold him, to make things better.  To assure him that
it was all okay.  But how could I when I wasn't sure myself?  All the lust
for him was momentarily gone.  Now I was filled with a brotherly instinct
to protect him.  But who was gonna protect me?

     He suddenly turned and peered into the dense forest behind us.  He
raised his nose and sniffed like a dog catching the scent of something on
the breeze.

     "You smell that?" he asked.

     "No," I said at first, then my own nose locked onto something.
"Wait...  What is that?"  There certainly was something fowl in the air.

     "We should get going," he said with blatant urgency.  He headed for
the ATV, hurrying but not quite running.

     "What is it?" I asked, my voice raised but falling short of panic.

     "Sometimes a putrid smell like that means a bear is near."  Corey
spoke calmly but confidently.  He fired up the four-wheeler and stared
blankly past me as I approached.  He couldn't seem to look at me, but now I
knew it was for a totally different reason.  He hadn't yet accepted his
sexuality and had probably never revealed to anyone as much as he had just
shown to me.  He had probably never even admitted certain things to
himself.  There was regret; there was the undeniableness of it all now;
with all of this he was no doubt experiencing that airplane propeller
condition I had endured earlier.

     I swung my leg over the seat and paused.  My heart, which had slowed
immensely from the humming bird pace it had been keeping most of the day,
began to accelerate again.

     I had a choice.

     I could sit back on the cargo-rack and appear as though I still had no
desire to be touchy feel-ly with a guy, or I could sit directly behind him
with my crotch nestled against his ass and let him know that he had stirred
me.

     Now, you know, this social anxiety disorder thing is a funny little
creature.  For years, through out junior high and high school, the fear of
large gatherings of people - such as in the school hallways - or giving a
presentation in English class was enough to cause me to refuse to go to
school.  I would miss weeks at a time to a point where the local truancy
officer would get involved.  But then there were times when I went to
school without a hitch for months at a time despite those same crowds
filling the halls and the oral presentations that were due.  Just when I
would think I couldn't do something, that I didn't have the courage, I
would find myself doing it.  Including fist fights by the number.  I never
knew when it would hit me.  When a simple task would make me excruciatingly
nervous or when I would see myself carry out a comparatively monumental
burden without blinking.  Teenage hormones, go figure.

     Well, there I was in a situation that I never would've thought I
could've handled.  For his sake and mine I needed to sit right behind him.
We both needed to know that it was okay to be what we were.  We needed to
know that neither of us held it against the other.  That we weren't alone
for the next ten weeks.

     But, this was someone with an anxiety problem, with an intense fear of
embarrassment.  It was hard.  However, it was equally hard to sit back away
from him.  I wanted to be close to him, badly.

     Lord, it was hard!

     But, I sat down.

     With my crotch pressed as firmly against his ass as is possible
without having actual intercourse.

     He looked back over his shoulder at me with surprise.  He glanced down
at my thigh wrapped up around his and... smiled.  It was only a brief
smile, barely lasting long enough to be noticed.  But it was there.

     He shifted into gear with his foot and we shot forward.  As we
followed the same trail we had created on the way up I took the time to
look around at the woods.  With my mind somewhat clear for the first time
since leaving Nevada, I could actually see the beauty that I had expected
from this state.  As I peered through the trees I noticed something about
twenty yards away.  It was moving.  I tapped Corey on the shoulder and
pointed.  Corey spied it quickly and nodded his head.

     "Just as I thought," he shouted over the engine of the Honda as we
watched the bear loping away from us .  "The sound of the four-wheeler is
spooking him away."

     We made it back to the cabin and quietly walked in and sat down,
removing our mosquito nets as we plunked ourselves into chairs on opposite
sides of the living room.  It was hard for both of us to look the other in
the eye.  Even as he asked me if I was thirsty his eyes never came anywhere
near me.

     "Yeah, man, I'm parched," I said.

     "Well, we should be heading back down the trail to bring up more
supplies...  We'll never hear the end of it from mom and dad if we don't.
Unless we get the water jugs out and start filling them at the creek so
everyone can wet their whistle when the get here."  He glanced at me long
enough to flash a little devious smile, same to say 'I really don't want to
haul more supplies and I've found a way out of it.'

     "Won't it be too dark soon, anyway?" I asked.

     "This is Alaska.  Land of the midnight sun.  This time of year it is
light out twenty four hours a day."

     "Oh, yeah, huh?"  I said, foolishly.

     "Yep.  We'll be walking that trail till two in the morning to get all
the stuff up here."

     "If your parents wanted us to get right back on the trail and keep
hauling supplies, then why did you ask if I wanted to go look around?"

     He shrugged.  "I just..." he glanced at me again with a sheepish look
splayed across his face.

     I quickly nodded my understanding.  I felt stupid.

     "Well, whatever the case, we need to get the water jugs filled anyway,
I'm thirsty."  He said and headed out the door.

     I took a deep breath, replaced my skeeter net, and followed him out.

     We traipsed around behind the cabin to a little lopsided shed.  As
Corey turned the dial on a combination lock, he motioned with his head at
something about fifty yards away from the cabin.

     "By the way, that's where you'll be doing your business for the next
ten weeks," he said.  "Don't worry, we'll fix the tarp."

     I looked at a frayed plastic tarp wrapped around four wooden poles
about eight feet high.  Part of the blue tarp was hanging loose and
flapping subtly.

     "My business?"  I asked, knowing what he meant but just not wanting it
to be true.

     "Yeah, you know?  Taking a crap?"

     Yep.  That's what I thought he meant.

     "Of course you can always go off behind a tree if you want.  Either
way, take a can of skeeter spray and spray your ass or it'll itch all
night."

     Now, I've done my duty in the wild before.  Many times.  My family
went camping all the time in the summers and a few times in the dead of
winter during dear hunting season.  However, in dry old Nevada the mosquito
problem in most areas isn't anything compared to Alaska and after seeing
that bear, that tarp didn't look like much protection.  It's one thing to
be attacked by a bear, but to be attacked by one with your pants around
your ankles and a turd stuck half in and half out - like Winnie the Pooh -
is a whole other thought.

     "Wonderful."  I said flatly.  Corey laughed.

     He opened the door of the shed and removed another tarp from over
several five-gallon plastic jugs.  We each grabbed two of them, one in each
hand and headed down the trail we had rode up on when we brought the first
round of supplies.

     "Where is the creek?" I asked as we hoofed along.

     "Remember, we crossed it on the four-wheeler on the way up?  It's
about half a mile down the trail."

     "Then why don't we take the four-wheeler?  These things are gonna be
heavy to carry back when they're full of water," I asked.

     "Well, it's someone else's turn to drive it now.  Dad is a stickler
for fairness.  He'll be coming any minute if they started walking when I
figure they did."

     Sure enough, we passed the rest of the gang within a few minutes.
Corey's parents praised us for having the forethought to get the water jugs
filled since everyone was so thirsty.  We arrived at the creek and began
filling the jugs, mostly in silence.  Corey and I still didn't know where
to take things, verbally or otherwise.  Finally Corey started telling me
about his childhood there in Alaska and how he and his sister had gotten by
all that time in a place that didn't have any social scene to speak of.
The little town, about five miles from where we parked the van, only had a
couple of hundred people, mostly adults.  And with the weather so severe in
the winter, they would often be snowed in at the cabin for months at a
time.  Through it all, I had to assume since the conversation didn't go
that direction, he was dealing with his uncertainty over his sexuality with
no one to tell in his ultra-religious family.  I had no doubt that few
people understood loneliness better than Corey.

     As we were finishing the third of the four jugs, a noise turned our
attention.

     "Shit!" Corey spouted just short of a scream.  I saw it just as his
voice shot through the trees.  "Come on!"

     Corey was already charging up the bank when I turned around.  I
scrambled up right behind him, ridiculously noticing his ass as it rippled
with each drive of his legs up the steep incline.  Not really needing it, I
was aided up the last few step by Corey's outreached hand.  My long legs
had me near the top in half the steps it had taken my shorter companion.
We sprinted off down the trail toward the cabin, hearing the huffing of the
bear just steps behind us.

     As I ran I kept sucking my mosquito net into my open mouth every time
I attempted to shout something out to Corey.  So, out of frustration, I
yanked it off and flung it behind me.  Seconds later, as we continued to
run with all we had, and just as I was about to suggest to Corey that we
split up, we both seemed to realize the same thing.  We could no longer
hear the huffing and grunting of the bear.  We simultaneously glanced over
our shoulders.  The bear had stopped to investigate the mosquito net and
was ripping the thing to shreds.  We took a quick look into each other's
eyes and quickly but silently agreed to take advantage of this fortuitous
result of a mindless act and beat feet.

     We reached the cabin, gasping for breath.

     "Was that the same one from before?" I asked as Corey pushed open the
cabin door with what was left of his strength.

     "Never know," he breathed.

     We staggered in and collapsed, side by side, on the ratty old sofa.
Everyone immediately began demanding to know what had happened.  We managed
to get the story out in sporadic bits of speech.  Between labored breaths,
Corey made me out to be some kind of hero.  Everyone commended me for my
quick thinking.  Shamefully, I didn't bother to do the honorable thing and
own up to the fact that it was a happy accident.

     When everything finally calmed back down, Larry took his rifle the
rest of the boys and headed down the trail to retrieve the water jugs.
When he returned, unharmed, he decided that the rest of the supplies could
wait till the next day since everyone was tired and a little spooked now.
It was around six in the evening and this decision was music to my ears.
Corey and I didn't leave the sofa for the next severall hours.  Of course,
it wasn't soley due to the bear scare.  This was the only way we could be
close without anyone thinking twice.  We still couldn't look directly at
one another, but I know that sitting there with our elbows rubbing was
where we both wanted to be.

     Finally, around midnight, after we'd eaten and Larry and Sandy and
most of the kids had gone to bed, I decided to stroll out to the tarped
toilet.  I didn't really have to go, I just wanted to look at it and get
out of the cabin for a moment.  I was too tired to sleep and just needed to
walk, to move around.  I stared down through the toilet seat that sat,
unfastened, over a hole cut into a large plywood box.  A six foot hole had
been dug beneath and two previous summers worth of waste was still stewing
at the bottom.  After moving to Nevada two years earlier when Corey was
sixteen and his sister was seventeen, his family had come back each summer
with a herd of extra kids along.  They dug a new shit hole that first
summer back.  It was right next to the old one which, even thought they had
filled it in with dirt, no one was willing to walk across.  No worse fear
than falling into a hole filled with fecal matter.

     I pulled out my dick and took a gushing piss into the hole then
stepped away and scanned the landscape, taking it in.  I was in Alaska.  A
place I had always wanted to see.  It was certainly greener and a lot
wetter than Nevada.  The bottoms of my pant-legs were constantly wet from
walking around through the undergrowth.

     As I studied the landscape I heard a crunching footstep behind me.
With visions of a charging brown bear flashing in my head, I whipped around
to find Jenny, Corey's sister, smiling at me.  She quickly moved up close
to me, peering up at me with eyes that were just as blue as her brother's;
though her's were set beneath hair that was much blonder and silkier.  My
nerves instantly went all kinds of screwy again.  Her legs, shiny from all
the skeeter spray, were so long and slender; her firm, nineteen year old
breasts, large enough to get her out a traffic ticket but small enough not
to resemble a cow's swinging udder by the time she's thirty, were straining
against the tightness of her t-shirt.  An inch or two of her stomach was
showing above her Daisy Dukes.  All this whispered to my cock to pay
attention.

     "Hey, Aaron."  She spoke softly but cheerfully.

     "Uh...  hi," I stammered.  She just smiled at me for a moment.  "Uh...
I'm, sorry... did you need to use the... uh, the... thing?"  I said and
started to step aside.

     "Nope...  I was just looking for you."  Her smile remained on her face
and her eyes beamed even brighter.

     "Oh, well...  Here I am," I said.  I was such a dork.

     "I just wanted to thank you for saving my brother," she said with
genuine appreciation, then stepped even closer, pushing her breasts against
my chest.

     "I didn't save..."

     "Corey said you were so calm through it all."

     "Uh, well, really I ..."

     "That's sexy."

     "No, I didn't really do any..."  'Anything' is what I was about to
say, but, wait, did she just say sexy?  "Huh?" I croaked.

     "When a guy keeps his cool in the face of danger it's so attractive!
Hot!"

     Dear, Lord!  No one had ever called me sexy before.  Hearing it come
out of such a beautiful, downright drop-dead gorgeous girl had me tingling
all over and my heart racing as severely as all of Corey's attention had.


     I didn't move.  I think I was smiling back but who knows?

     She reached up with one hand and pushed the mosquito net up while
gently pulling my head down with the other, pulling my lips into hers.

     For anyone who doesn't understand just what a person with social
anxiety disorder goes through in moments like this just think of it like
this:

     You've no doubt, at least once, somewhere along the line, had to give
a speech or presentation or perform in some way in front of others.
Therefore, you've experienced stage fright.  At least to some degree.  Even
if you are the most confident person in the world you've, at least once, if
only very mildly, felt those butterflies in your stomach.  Those quivery,
burning little flutterbies.  So, then, just imagine that feeling spread
through out your whole body and magnified at least several hundred times.
That is why someone with this ridiculous little problem can't bring himself
to do certain things.  It's a performance anxiety to a large degree, a fear
of embarrassment.  The embarrassment of not performing well.  Being laughed
at by a beautiful girl for not being able to kiss properly has got to be
one of the strongest provokers of this fear that there is.

     So at that moment when my lips were being drawn closer to hers my
first instinct, in fact my only instinct, was to pull away.  Better to be
thought of as being afraid to kiss than as a bad kisser.

     But then her hand went to my crotch and every instinct I've ever had,
every idea I've ever had, every belief or simple hunch got chopped up into
a billion unrecognizable pieces in that spinning propeller of my mind.

     I didn't know what to do so I did nothing.

     I can't say that I really remember the kiss.  I don't remember whether
I kissed back, or whether her tongue made it into my mouth or mine into
hers.  The only thing that I remember, and surely will forever, is the
soft, warm feel of her lips pressed against mine in the first few seconds
of the kiss.  The combination of her perfume, her hair products and skeeter
spray is something I'll always remember fondly as well.  It is a scent that
I associate with erotic, sexy moments. When ever I see a picture of a
bikini model in a magazine or on television I can smell that unique aroma.

     My cock of course started to grow beneath her rubbing hand.  Then that
hand, along with her other one, went behind me and cupped my ass and
squeezed.  In the middle of all of this I thought of those massaging little
rubs of my shoulder that Corey had given me more than once that day.
Suddenly she pulled back at looked at me with lust exuding from every
feature.

     "Do you want to...," she started to say but a crackling noise turned
our attention.  We both jerked and looked toward the cabin.  We caught just
a glimpse of Corey disappearing around the corner of the log house.

     My heart sank.  He had seen us.

     I felt strange.  My heart was aching again yet I still had an erection
that was still feeding off of Jenny's scent.

     "Don't worry, he won't tell anyone...  Lets go," Jenny said and pulled
on my arm.

     "Huh, go where?" I asked still looking toward the cabin.

     "Over to the shed...  So we can have some privacy and get away from
the mosquitos."

     She pulled me a few steps before my mind found it's traction.  "Wait,
no... sorry," I said and pulled my arm from her grasp.

     "What's wrong?" she asked.

     "I can't do this."

     "Why not?...  Hey, I've seen you checking me out the last several
days...  Come on, cutie."

     "Not yet," I choked out.

     "Not yet?...  What does that mean?"

     "I don't want to have sex with you yet."  I know I sounded weird but
it was all I could say.

     "I don't get it."

     "I want to...  You know...  Get to know you...  You know, better."

     Just when I thought I had embarrassed myself, Jenny smiled.  It was a
genuine smile.  A smile of adoration.

     "That's so sweet," she said.  She put her arms around my neck and gave
a short but slow kiss.  "Okay, then, we'll get to know each other for a
while."

     With that she took my arm again and began pulling me toward the cabin.
"Uh...  I'll be in in a minute," I said, needing time to compose myself.

     "Okay," she said with a wink and trotted off.

      I wondered aimlessly around.  I was feeling queasy.  Something was
wrong with me.  I wanted both Jenny and Corey.  A girl and a boy.  But I
had likely lost any chance with Corey and that made me sick.  I continued
walking around not even realizing where I was.  I ended up behind the
little shed.  I leaned against it subconsciously.  I stared off through the
forest but all I could see was Jenny's breasts and Corey's ass.

     Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder.  I turned slowly to see Corey
peering up at me with the beginnings of a tear in his eye.  The tide of
those deep blue oceans was beginning to come in and breach the levees.  I
didn't know what to say to him.  Apparently he didn't know what to say
either.  But he knew what to do.

     His hand slid slowly down to my chest, paused for an instant, then
continued down to my crotch.  My cock had deflated over the last few
minutes as I had wondered about but was quickly resuming the position.  His
eyes finally left mine and he knelt down in front of me with both hands
beginning to manipulate the button of my pants and my zipper.

     "Please, no...  you don't have to..."  The look on his face when his
head snapped up halted my voice.  I didn't want to see him do this.  Not
yet.  I felt he was degrading himself for no reason.  But there was a storm
of emotion brewing in those eyes when he looked at me.  So I let him go.

     He opened my jeans slowly and leaned in and kissed my growing cock
through my underwear.  The sensation on my cock from his lips wasn't
significant but watching him made my breaths come shorter and shorter.  He
ran his hands up and down my legs as he kissed some more.  I could see him
taking in my scent as he drove his nose further in, licking and sucking
through the fabric.  Then he pulled the waist of my red colored briefs down
letting my steely prick vault its way out.  I was not exactly stunningly
well endowed, maybe six inches hard, but it was throbbing and felt as
though it was a foot long in my excitement. My balls hung over the band of
my Calvin's and he fondled them with one hand while stroking my bouncing
cock slowly with the other.

     I gasped at the feel and sight of his hand on my dick.  My legs
trembled, prompting me to brace my hands against the shed behind me.  My
head rolled back as my breathing came harder and quicker, the sky above
filling my view.  The land of the midnight sun wasn't as bright as the
middle of the day, though nowhere near dark.  The sky was merely a slightly
darker shade of blue than it had been a few hours earlier.  That shade of
blue has since filled my mind whenever I've been in the throws of passion.

     Then I felt his hand leave my cock and I immediately looked down,
flustered.  But before my eyes could even focus on the situation, his
tongue made contact with the circumcised tip of my dripping member.  He
licked the pre-cum and swirled his tongue around just before closing his
mouth over the mushroom head.  He then slowly swallowed the rest down till
my dark pubic patch was curling around his nose.  The warmth of his mouth
was absolute ecstacy.  I didn't want this to end.  I wanted to grab his
head and force it farther onto my cock and hold it there.  I wanted to
savor this moment and every blissful sensation.

     However, I also wanted to push his head back, to stop him.  I didn't
want things to change this much this fast.  I wanted to continue letting
our feelings for one another build and strengthen.  I feared that the guilt
we'd no doubt feel later on might prevent us from growing closer.  My heart
was as conflicted as my head.  I didn't know what to do and didn't have
much time to decide.

     Then, suddenly, it no longer mattered.  The decision was made for me.
By my own cock.

     Corey increased his action with his tongue and the bobbing of his head
while reaching his hands behind me and gripping my ass, seemingly pulling
me further into himself.  This idea, that he wanted me inside him, as if
becoming a part of one another, made me erupt.  I lost count of how many
shots I fired.  My legs nearly gave way, forcing me to grab onto Corey's
shoulders to support my self.  Corey swallowed every last round
enthusiastically.

     When I finally quit shuddering I remained hunched over him for moment.
Then I straightened and reached down to help Corey to his feet.  We stood
face to face for a few heavy breathing minutes.  His expression was one of
pleading.  Pleading for approval.  One of the saddest yet most attractive
sights I've ever seen was his face peering up at me with a dribble of my
cum running down from the corner of his mouth to his chin.  He stretched
his neck up to kiss me.  It didn't evolve into a passionate, lingering
embrace.  Just a short, slow pressing of lips.  But it was enough for me to
know the taste of my own cum.

     "Remember that," he said, his neck still stretched up, his mouth
inches from my ear.  "I'm better than she is."  He stepped back and started
to head inside.  "See you in the loft."

     I reached out and grabbed his arm.  I started to speak but nothing
came out.  I merely reached a finger up and wiped the dribble of cum from
his chin.  He smiled gently and walked toward the cabin with his hands in
his pockets and his head down.

     I stood for several more minutes trying to decipher what he meant.
'I'm better than she is?'  What was that supposed to...

     Oh.

     He thought his sister might win me from him.

     At that moment I knew better.  I knew for sure.  I knew I wanted
Corey.

     With my head high and my body more relaxed than it had been in a long,
long time...  I headed for the loft and the mattress right next to Corey's.

                   **************************

Sorry it took so long to get to any sex.  There will be much more in the
next chapter.

Again, I love feedback and this time I'll be able to respond.

Thanks for reading.