Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:37:30 -0400
From: andy deats <andydeats@gmail.com>
Subject: chords and discord part 2

"What makes you think I was assaulted?" I asked Landon.

"Nine times out of ten, people in this school are here for getting their
ass kicked. I mean I know that people call school prison, but this is
ridiculous. It's like the powers that be say," he adopted a deeper voice to
imitate the school board members, "'how can we punish all the little queers
and homos? Send em to a school by themselves so that we can get rid of
'em.' Ooh, that's good!" He picked up his pen and scribbled down a few
lines before turning to look at me again.

"I somehow doubt that the school board plans on ways to get us away from
their kids," I told him. "I think it's a good idea that we have this
school. It's safer for us here."

"That's what they want you to think," he responded, a gleam in his
eye. "But it's all just a part of another conspiracy. It all started with
Loch Ness."

 I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Mr. Thompson, who was
going over some theorems that I had learned at Riverton already. I quickly
realized that he was as boring as any other teacher I had ever had the
misfortune to listen to, and laid my head down on my folded arms. He had a
way of not finishing the ends of his words, leaving you with the impression
that he was either too lazy to care, or that he was so out of shape that a
third syllable was just too much for his old body to handle.

 Mr. Thompson talked right up until the bell, and only assigned homework as
it was ringing, much to the dismay of the class. "Liam, what lunch do you
have?" Landon asked me once the two of us were out in the hallway. I
consulted my schedule, and was slightly perturbed to see him reading it
over my shoulder. "Oh, you've got the same one as me! We should eat
together. Meet me at the table just to the left when you come out of the
line." He was off in a flash before I even had a chance to deny him. I
didn't particularly want to eat lunch with Landon, but he was the only
friend I had made so far aside from Jake, and I didn't know where he would
eat.

 The band at R-SALT was not even close to what I was used to playing
with. The teacher, a small red-haired man with glasses who I judged to be
in his late forties, had control of his class for about twenty minutes of
the hour-long class. The rest of the time was spent making random noises on
instruments, flirting with each other, or just sitting in chairs staring at
the ceiling. Needless to say, I left in a much worse mood than I was in at
the beginning.

 Third hour passed uneventfully. I didn't know anybody in the class, and it
was fairly boring. I had too much free time and, as my mind usually does
when it's unoccupied, it wandered. I started wondering if changing to
R-SALT was a good decision. I was at a school full of gay teens and their
supporters where I could finally be myself, but I had to wonder if it was
really who I was. I shook the thoughts from my head as class ended. I had
made my decision, and now I had to live with it. No point wondering about
the past.

 I walked into the masses of students making their way slowly to their next
classes. I pulled out the tiny, almost unintelligible map that I was mailed
when I enrolled and tried to find my way from my class to the cafeteria for
lunch. I was suddenly hit by a pair of arms, which wrapped around my waist
from behind. "Hey there," I heard Jake say in my ear.

"Better watch out," I joked. "That was almost rape."

"It's not rape, it's a surprise hug from behind," he responded with a
grin. I just rolled my eyes. "You got first lunch, right? You're totally
eating with me." Before I had a chance to protest, Jake grabbed me by my
arm and started dragging me through the crowd. I held onto my falling
backpack with my other arm, doing my best to apologize to the people that
Jake pushed our way through.

"Jake, this is a bad first impression," I told him as he dragged me into
the large, open building that was the cafeteria.

"Why's that?" he asked innocently. "They won't even remember you here
within ten minutes."

"Oh that's reassuring," I sarcastically replied. We went to the line and
saw Tommy there, a few people from the end.

"Tommy boy!" Jake called out. Tommy pushed a small boy behind him to the
side, and the spot was quickly filled by Jake, who dragged me in with
him. Jake wrapped his arms around Tommy's bigger frame as we made our way
through the line.

 I got a slice of pizza and a cup of fruit, two of the only things I could
tell what they were, and I followed the two apparent boyfriends to an empty
table. I sat across from them and listened to their easy conversation,
having nothing to contribute from myself. "Hey, I thought you were gonna
eat with me," I heard a voice whine from behind me as Landon settled
himself into a chair beside me.

"Sorry," I responded. "I kinda got dragged here."

"Hey," Jake protested. "You didn't exactly fight it!"

"Hi," Landon replied animatedly. "I'm Shake, creative genius." He reached
across the table and shook Jake's hand as I wondered if the twitchy teen
had ever heard of decaf.

"I thought you said your name was Landon?" I interrupted.

"Real name Landon Isert," he rattled. "Codename Shake. As in
Shakespeare. As in amazing literary mind, the likes of which have never
been seen again. Until now."

"Jake Westwick," Jake replied. "Sexual genius."

"I can attest to that," Tommy submitted.

 My cheeks turned a shade of red, and Landon elbowed me playfully in the
side. "I think we got a virgin on our hands!" he teased me. He stood up and
I heard a large intake of air, but I pulled him back into his seat before
he was able to do whatever it was he planned.

"So what if I am?" I asked defensively.

"Hell, if I left you alone for a half hour with Jake, we could change
that," Tommy told me easily. "Tommy Baker." He shook Landon's hand.

"Wait a minute, aren't you and Jake together?" I asked looking at him.

"Sorta," Jake told me with a shrug. "But it's open."

"Oh, ok," I responded. I was sure my uneasiness played at the edge of my
voice.

"What?" Jake asked defensively. "You don't think that it's right or
something?"

"No, it's not that," I told him. I was quickly being put on the
defensive. "It's just...I could never see myself being in one of those. I
think that if I had a boyfriend, I'd only want to have that one boyfriend."
I looked to my left and saw Landon scribbling something on his
notepad. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"That was a good line. I wanna use it in a story."

 I rolled my eyes and before long the bell rang, signaling an end to the
lunch period. We all rose from the table and exited in organized chaos,
once again to become mindless zombies as we shuffled off to our remaining
three classes of the day. My fourth and fifth hours passed uneventfully,
other than the mountains of homework that were piled on me due to the time
that I had missed.

 My sixth and final hour of the day was biology. When I entered I walked
over and met the teacher, a small woman named Mrs. Burke. She told me that
I didn't have any work to make up, for which I was thankful, and pointed me
to a seat next to a boy she called Kenneth. I followed her finger through
the air and saw the mysterious boy from the bus ride sitting alone in the
back of the room.

 I walked back and sat in the empty seat next to him with a smile. "Hi," I
said to him. He silently nodded his head to me. "I'm Liam Vale," I
responded, continuing my attempt to get this boy to say something to me. My
attempt failed. Kenneth never said a word to me for the rest of the class.

 The bell rang and my first day at R-SALT came to a close. I joined the
crowds as they shuffled one way or another to their destination. I got onto
the bus much earlier than last time and actually had my choice of places to
sit. I saw the seat next to Kenneth was once again open, but bypassed it in
favor of an empty bench seat towards the back. I put my headphones in and
turned on Emilie Autumn's "Save You" as I settled in for the long ride
home.

 As the bus rattled down the roads, I did my best to stare out the window
for most of it. Something about seeing Kenneth made me mad. I never
considered myself to be egotistical, but I had never been so coldly ignored
by somebody that I had tried to talk to. I looked towards the front of the
bus once and saw Kenneth looking back at me. As soon as our eyes locked,
however, he sneered and turned back towards the front. I rolled my eyes to
myself and turned back towards my window, watching the scenery as it passed
by.

 I got off the bus when it stopped close to my house and started walking
down the sidewalk, where I was soon met by Brandon wrapping his arms around
my legs. "Hey, Liam!" he said brightly.

"Hey there, Bubba," I responded as I picked the boy up in my arms. "How was
your day?"

"Good," he told me with a smile. "How was gay school?"

 I faltered a bit when I heard him say that. "Where did you hear it called
that?" I asked looking at him.

"I told teacher today you was goin to a new school, and she asked if it was
the gay school," he told me innocently.

"Oh, ok," I told him as I carried him into the house. "Well, that's not a
very good thing to call it." He just nodded as I set him down on the island
in our kitchen. "Now, where's Daddy at?"

"He's in his office," he said. "He says it's ok for me to meet you at your
buff stop and said to get me a snack."

 I looked at him suspiciously. "Let me go run that by the boss," I said as
I walked down the hall to my dad's home office. "Dad, did you want me to
get Brandon a snack?" I asked.

"If you wouldn't mind, Liam. I'm swamped with cases and whatnot. That
Delmore case really got my name out there. Guess it's a curse and a
blessing, huh?"

"Yeah, dad," I said laughing some.

"But wait, how was school?" He swiveled around in his office chair so that
he could face me, kicking over a briefcase and spilling it's papers
everywhere.

"It was ok," I told him as I helped him pick up some of the papers. "Jake
Westwick goes there."

"The kid from your second grade class?"

"Third grade," I said as I stood up with a handful of his papers.

"Well I'm glad you had a good day." He took the papers from me, and we
looked at each other awkwardly for a few minutes. He put the papers on his
lap, and pulled me into a strange hug. "Your mom would be proud of you," he
said softly.

 I blinked back a few tears and basically let him hug me. "I know Dad," I
told him in an attempt to get him to break the hug.

 He let go of me and looked into my face. "You look a lot like her. But
she'd seriously be proud. You're taking all these changes really well."

 I just nodded at him. "Yeah, well, I gotta go get some homework done. I'm
swamped." He nodded, and I left his office.

"Is it my snack time now?" Brandon asked.

"Give me a few minutes, buddy. I have to use the restroom." I brushed past
him and rushed into the restroom, shutting and locking the door behind me.

 I looked at myself in the mirror, and frowned. I had completely changed
since we lost Mom. I used to be happy at least while I was at home. Now I
wasn't able to have a single event happen in my life without somebody
trying to tell me that Mom was looking down on me and happy, or that she
would be happy for me. It wasn't that I didn't believe it, I was Catholic
just like the majority of Riverton was, but I didn't enjoy being reminded
anytime that something good happened that my mother had been taken away
from me due to cancer.

 I looked in the mirror at myself and tried to smile. It had been a while
since I really smiled at home. Usually it was a forced smile to get my dad
to leave me alone about being upset. I hadn't been open about my emotions
in a while, either. Any time I went to my Dad feeling emotional, it just
got him upset thinking about Mom. Not to mention he was completely stressed
with work and trying to take care of Brandon and me, so I felt bad adding
onto his already burdened mind. I blinked back my tears once again, and
literally shook the thoughts from my mind. There wasn't any time to be sad.

 I walked out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen, where Brandon was
sitting at the table, looking impatiently out our window. "Ready for that
snack?" I asked him, trying to put on my 'bright' voice.

"Yes," he said jumping out of the chair. "I want graham crackers and
juice," he demanded.

"Now how do you ask?"

"Pleeeeeease?" he said, looking up at me with giant 'puppy-dog' eyes.

"Damn kid, you know how to play me," I responded as I handed him a couple
of graham crackers on a plate and poured some juice in a cup.

 Just as I set the cup and plate on the table for him, the doorbell
rang. "Be right back," I said to Brandon and walked to the front
door. Opening it up, I saw Jaymes, one of my friends from Riverton
High. "Jaymes?" I asked, stepping out onto the front porch with him.

"Hey, man. You weren't at school today." I had a sarcastic response in my
head, but I kept it there and let him continue. "I kinda missed you. Where
ya been at?"

"Well I was suspended a week ago. I didn't go back to school till today."

"I just said you weren't there today, though."

"I know. I kinda transferred schools. I'm at R-SALT now."

"What?" he asked surprised. "You're going to the fag school? Why would you
do that?"

"Don't call it that," I snapped at him.

"Woah, Liam, are you one of them?"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I asked. I was really starting to get
pissed that everyone kept referring to me as "one of them." "Yeah, I'm
gay. But I'm not 'one of them.'"

 He just looked at me. "Look, Liam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come
out that way."

"Well, I didn't mean for me to come out that way," I responded with a
chuckle.

"It's cool, man." He quickly hugged one of his arms around my shoulders and
let go. "So you're really..."

"Yeah," I told him. "You know, not all gay guys want Abercrombie models to
attack them and rip their clothes off."

 He laughed at that. "Yeah, I know. But you always acted so interested in
girls."

"Yeah, that's the thing. I always *acted* interested in girls."

"So it was really all just an act?"

"No," I reassured him. "The only thing I ever lied about was the part about
being interested in girls."

"Wow. You're really never gonna be back at Riverton? You ain't a rebel
anymore?"

"Come on, man," I said with a laugh. "We both know that's a stupid mascot
anyway."

"That's true. It's just hard to wrap my mind around the fact that we won't
ever see each other again."

"Who said that?" I asked. "Just because we don't go to school together
doesn't mean we can't hang out, man."

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"But, as for tonight, I gotta go get Brandon a snack and stuff. Wanna hang
out this weekend, though?"

"Sure, man," he said and he walked off.

 I watched him go, then turned around and walked back inside.

 I sat across from Brandon at the table and got myself a snack to eat with
him. "Hey, boys, you wanna order Chinese for dinner?" my dad asked as he
walked into the kitchen from his office.

"Sure," I replied, standing up from my chair. We hadn't had many
home-cooked meals lately, due to Dad's overwhelming inability to cook. That
was something I always told myself that I needed to change but, like many
things around our house, it hadn't been done yet.

 I grabbed the phone from the receiver as Dad picked up Brandon and carried
him off to play. Things were normal again in our household, but I wondered
how long that would last.