Date: Wed, 11 Oct 2000 11:05:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: Bob bonn <robbieanme@yahoo.com>
Subject: Robbie an Phill.  Chpt 16.

Here ya go guys, part two of three in the final chapters.

Ususal disclaimer crap applies.  I also feel that I should stress (for
chapters before) that any incusion of celebrateires (eg Savage Garden) is
purely the work of my mind an has no bearing on there own sexual
preference.  So there!  Hehe.

Hope you enjoy it.  My mail address is robbieanme@yahoo.com

We ran out of the exam hall and Robbie rugby tackled me onto the ground as
he pressed his lips to mine.

"YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!" We both shouted and the top of our voices.  We
hugged and kissed all over again.  We were so pleased, obviously.  We were
eighteen, happy, had a year of freedom to come AND had finished the hardest
exams you ever have to do, in the UK anyway.

"Love you so much" I said to Robbie and kissed him.

"Excuse me, Phill, Robbie." It was the headmaster.

"Yes sir?" I asked.

"I have a message for you.  Could you as soon as possible, go to the
hospital?"

"Hospital? Why?" I asked immediately, concerned.

"Apparently, the baby' s on the way," he said very matter a factually.

"Shit!" I said, followed by sorry! And we both got up and ran to the car.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I said as I got in to find that I only had a few
miles worth of petrol.

"Drive," Robbie said.

So I did. I revved up and let the car fly around the corner. We drove
towards the hospital and at the last second, pulled into a petrol station.

"Robbie, put a tenner in and I will pay," I said, as I ran into the shop.
I paid and ran back to the car. Robbie was already in the driver's seat and
pulled away as I shut the door.

I turned to look at him and grinned as he smiled that sexy grin right back
at me.

We screeched around the corner and into a parking spot.  We got out and I
took Robbie's hand as we started running to the reception.

"Hi, where is the baby place?" I said, as words left me.

"Down that corridor, left then left again," she said and smiled.

We walked very quickly as instructed and came to another reception.  We saw
Jude standing there.  Something was wrong, she didn't look at all right.

"Mum?" I asked.

"There have been a few complications, Phill.  She is in surgery at the
moment."

"What complications?" I demanded.

"The baby hadn't turned properly and the contractions were very severe.
They decided it would be much better to operate."

"But she is going to be ok, right?"

"It depends, Phill.  I won't lie to you.  She is not in a good way. They
think that on top of trying to give birth, she may have a severe blood
clot.  They can't do anything with it until the baby is out of the way."

"Who is the next of kin?" a doctor rushed in an asked.

"Mmme" I said.

"I need you to sign this form."

"Why?"

"Because if your mother doesn't have an operation in a matter of minutes,
she won't make it."

I grabbed the pen from his hand and signed "What about the baby?" I asked.

"You have a baby boy, and he is perfect, very healthy.  I must go. I will
get someone to come and talk to you." He ran off back in the direction of
the room and a nurse came back out.

"Shall we talk?" she asked and showed us through to a side room.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"We really won't know until this operation is done.  She has a blood clot,
in one of her main arteries.  This is very life threatening.  If the
doctors can't remove it successfully, then it wont be good.  I am sorry.  I
hate to tell people things like this.  But don't give up hope."

"Ccccann, I see my brother?"

"Sure, come with me."

She lead me out and into another little room, where there was a couple of
cots.  She lifted him up and showed me how to hold him properly.

"Can I go back into the other room with him?"

"Yes but be careful, he isn't a doll," she said, as she fussed around him
and made sure he was all wrapped up.  I walked carefully into the room and
instantly the two of them were around me. Robbie wrapped his arm around me
and gave me a peck on the cheek.  Jude looked at him and played with his
hand.  We walked over to the seats and sat down.

"I wonder how mum is?" I asked to no one.

"She is strong," Jude said and ruffled my hair.

Robbie wrapped his arm around my shoulder and said, "I am sure she will be
ok."

I must have come across as a real smooth operator.  In truth I was shitting
myself.

We sat for ages. It seemed like a life time.  The baby had been around
everyone for a hold.  I was holding it again and it had fallen asleep in my
arms.  My fingers were shaking.

"Ok, am I the only one that's scared here?" I asked.

"Of cause you are not," Jude said.  Time seemed to crawl along, slower and
slower.  I had done everything I knew how to do, to try and remain calm.  I
had paced, tapped my fingers, everything.  No one said anything, I guess
for fear of being wrong, maybe.  I handed the baby over to Robbie and
stretched my arms, clicked them into place, went to the toilet, and took
him back again.

There was a knock on the door and I turned white as a sheet as the doctor
walked in.  I was physically shaking.  I had never been this scared before.

"I am so sorry, we did everything we possibly.........." That was all I
heard. The tears started and rolled down my face.  The baby was removed
from my arms and as soon as that happened, Robbie was in my arms and had
his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his chest, as I balled my
eyes out.  I couldn't do it, I needed to be strong.  But I couldn't.  The
tears ran down and I felt them joined by Robbie's tears as his ran down my
neck and into the stream of my own tears.  I cried for hours, or it seemed
like it.  As I wiped away the water from my eyes, I looked up to see the
nurse looking down on us.

"I am sorry to have to do this, but do you want to see the body before it
is put away?"

"Yyyes," I said and tried to stand up.  My legs were weak at the knees.
Robbie helped me walk out and into the room.  She lay there, eyes closed,
looking totally at piece with the world.  She even seemed to have a smile
on her face.  The tears flowed all over again as I saw her, in such a
sterile way.  A sheet was covering her.

"Personal effects that were on her at the time," she said and handed me a
bag.  I clutched it tight in my hands as Robbie gave me a hug.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked.

"NO!" I almost shouted.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and Robbie stood besides me.

DIDN'T YOU GO SEE YOUR DAD OVER CHRISTMAS IN THE LAST CHAPTER????

"Mum, I love you.  I know you are happy, because you are with Dad again.
But it hurts so much.  I will miss you so very much.  I will look after
him.  I will treat him as my own.  There is so much I had left to do with
you.  I wanted you to see my A level results.  I wanted you to see Robbie
and me when we get whatever gay people get.  But I know that you are happy
and with dad.  I will be strong.  Mum, I love you," I said and walked out
of the room on my own Robbie following behind.

"Phill?" Robbie said.

I turned and looked at him. "Phill, I know I don't have to say this, but I
love you.  I will always be here for you."  I opened my arms and Robbie
fell into them.

"Robbie babe, I know.  If you weren't in my life, it wouldn't be worth
living."

When we got back to the room, Jude was waiting there.

NO WAY WOULD YOU TAKE A NEWBORN BABY HOME THE SAME DAY. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE
LET YOU HOLD HIM AS LONG AS YOU DID, EITHER. GERMS!!!!

"Phill, love, why don't you an Robbie go home?  I will pick up the baby."

"No, thank you Jude. I promised mum that I would look after him as my own.
I am hoping that as Robbie an I wont have the opportunity to have kids
together, we may have the opportunity to with him."

"Awww, Phill.  Do you really mean that?" he asked.

"Yea, that's what I hoped."

"That would be so great.  It really would.  What do you want to call him?"

"We can talk about this later," Jude said.  We sat down and Robbie sat with
his arm around me.  And I started crying all over again.  Some time later,
when some degree of control had been established, the doctor came in and
told us that 'baby' was ready to go when we were, and how sorry, he was
about my mother.  I thanked him, took 'baby' from him and we walked out to
Jude's car.  We all piled in and of course I had to hold the baby in the
car because the car seat had been fitted in mums car.  The thought made me
feel totally down all over again.  When we got home there were loads of
answer messages.  I took the baby upstairs and lay him down on our bed.

"Robbie" I called.  He came flying up the stairs.

"Yes babe."

"Would you do something for me?"

"Sure."

"I need the baby's things from mums room and the cot.  I really don't want
to go in there at the moment."

He slipped his warm arms around my neck and pressed his lips to mine.  I
really needed that, the physical contact.  "Babe I will do anything for
you.  I know this really isn't the time, so tell me to wait, but did you
really mean what you said about you an me bringing him up?"

"Yes, I think its what mum would have wanted.  I think we will make great
parents."

Robbie came into our room lugging a load of baby things, nappies, cream
etc.  When he came out the second time he was carrying bits of the cot.  He
then put it all together and made it up, whilst I changed the baby's nappy.
Ok, so it was a bit lop sided but it would do.

"Robbie, do we have any clothes?"

He walked in and said "No babes, I can see nothing.  I found something,
though."

"What?"

He handed me an envelope.

"What the?" The envelope contained about two hundred quid in cash.

"I guess she was going to buy clothes when she knew the baby's sex."

"Yeah" I agreed and smiled.

"What?"

"I am thinking of mum and dad looking down on us in this situation.  A baby
with no name, an no clothes."

Robbie giggled.  "Come here," I said.

We hugged and kissed for ages.  We sat on the bed and held the baby
together. One arm holding the baby and one around the other.  Jude came
walking in.

"How is it all?" she asked.

"Well the nappy thing needs work, but we have a major problem."

"What's that?"

"He has no clothes," Robbie said.

"Be right back," Jude said and disappeared.  She came back carrying a blue
jump suit with white edges.

"Who's is that?" Robbie asked.

"Guess."

"It's yours, isn't it Robbie?" I said.

"You got it!" she said.

"Awww, that must have really suited you!"  and he blushed.  I zipped him
up, gave him a kiss as did Robbie and lay him down in the bed and tucked
him in.

"Phill, are you ok?" she asked.

"Jude, thanks for being here.  I am not fine but this is my way of dealing
with things.  Not to deny that it's happened but to distract myself.  Time
heals the pain, you know?  And what with baby, I, sorry, we will have
things to do.  You will find that I will be ok whilst doing things, but
when I have time to stop and think, it wont be great for me. Robbie, I am
going to need you so much.  Especially, in the evenings.  Let me do things
my way for a while.  I know that they may not be the right way, but it will
help.  My mum is such a huge part of my life.  I will really miss her," I
said, as I choked back the tears.

"We understand, but please, I know that you will talk to Robbie more than
me, an I can understand and accept that, but if you do need to talk, then
please just find me."

"Thanks." She left and Robbie slipped his legs around me an pulled me back
so that he was hugging me.

"Well babes, what about this name?"

"What about Edward?  Edward Stanley?"

HEHEHEHE WONDER WHERE YOU GOT THOSE NAMES? BET YOU CALL HIM ED, THOUGH!!!!

"WOW!  That is so cool.  They are really cool.  I like that" he said.

"Edward Stanley Roberts"

"Yea, I think that is really cool.  I know this may seem weird but what do
we do about names?  I mean when we get what ever, do we keep the names we
have or go to one?"  "I hadn't thought about it."

"No, me either."

"Robbie I am going to get the phone and the book.  Be right back."

I spent the next hour or so on the phone to relatives, telling them.  It
was really not very nice at all.  About half way through the newly
christened Edward woke up and we got our first taste of his call for food.

"Do they do that all the time?" I asked Robbie and he replied yes and
rubbed my tears away with his thumbs.  "Go an get a bottle of milk, I will
get him up.  K?" he said.

"Ok." I got up and went downstairs and poured the milk into his new bottle
that was all laid out, and heated it. Jude, I was guessing.  I looked out
into the scullery to the brand new pram that mum was so looking forward to
pushing.  I smiled and said to no one, 'Don't worry mum, I will push it for
you'.  I went upstairs to our room and handed Robbie the bottle.  At least
he had stopped him from crying.  As Robbie was doing this, I did the
hardest part of it and phoned the funeral directors.

"Hhhello.  I need some help organising a funeral." I went on to explain
that I didn't want a church funeral as I knew that my mum wasn't a
Christian an neither was I.  I wanted her to be buried next to dad, which
wouldn't be a problem, I was assured.  All I wanted was a collection of
friends and family, to pay their respects.  I was assured that it would be
taken care of and that they would be able to organise it all for me.  I
just had to decide on the day.  I made it three days from now, as felt mum
should be with dad as soon as possible.  They said that so his personal
time wasn't interrupted by anything unrequired they would mail me the
invoice for everything.

"Robbie, I will be back," I said and went to see Jude.

"Jude, I don't know how any of this works, but how do I go about closing
mums accounts an things."

"Phill, let me do this for you.  I will handle all the things like that for
you, ok?"

"Thanks Jude."

"Sure."

SEE, I KNEW DAMN WELL HE WOULDN'T BE CALLED STAN!!!! HEHEHEHEHE

I went back up and finished all the funeral things. Robbie spent the time
playing with Edward and keeping a caring eye on me.

"They don't have much battery power, do they?" Robbie said, as I finished
my last call and wiped the tears away.

"Sorry?"

"Look, he's tired again," he said.

"Well, it is nine o'clock.  I am going to bed. You coming?"

"Yea."

We both went down to Jude and said our goodnights.

"Boys, word of advice?"

"Yea?"

"Warm a flask full of milk, take a bottle upstairs and leave it at arms
length.  Oh an u should tap a little out onto your hand, if it is hot,
obviously don't give it to him."

"Jude, we have decided on a name."

"Really?  Lets here it then."

"Edward Stanley"

"That's lovely. Good night, boys."

We did the flask thing as instructed and headed off into bed.  I made a
point of changing Edwards nappy before we got into bed.

"Robbie?" I asked after a while.

"Hum?"  "I am going to miss her so much."

"I know babes, I know," he said and squeezed me tight against his hot bod.
My eyes closed, I thought about the baby, about Robbie, about anything.

"WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAA" The piecing noise cut through the silence.  I blinked
my eyes and looked at the clock.  One AM.  You are having a laugh. Do they
do this every night?  I sure as hell hope not.  I stumbled out of bed and
towards the cot, the light clicked on and Robbie was looking over at me,
stark bollock naked, getting this baby up.

I picked him up and Robbie handed me the bottle that he had made up from
the flask.  He sucked greedily on the bottle, typical.  Food crazed thing.

"I think he may need changing," I said.

Robbie got up out of bed and grabbed the bag with changing things in.  We
double teamed him. Robbie did the nappy as I held him up, so he could drink
at the same time.  We had already learned that babys don't like being
changed!  They cry, so we did the next best thing, kept him quiet.  About
twenty minuets later, we put him back to bed and crawled back into our own.

"Do they do that every night?" Robbie asked.

"I hope not."

Robbie held me.  "I bet mum is cracking up over this!  She knows how hard
it is to get us up!"

"Yea" he laughed.

IF YOU THINK A NEWBORN IS GOING TO SLEEP FOR 6 HOURS, YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!!

The sound echoed through the room again at about seven in the morning.
This time, Robbie got up, picked him up and I fed him.  We sat him down in
the middle of us and tried to snooze a little, but it was no good.  Even
Edward's little kicks managed to keep us awake.

The first thing I did when I was up was cry all over again as I went into
mums room automatically to say hi.  Then, I phoned the hospital to have
Edward's name put onto a birth certificate so that he was 'legal'.

The doorbell rang a few minutes after Robbie and I had got out of the
shower and dressed.  I picked Eddie up and went down to answer as Jude had
gone shopping and to pick Tim up, who had been staying at his friends again
after everything.  I propped him up so that he was resting on my chest with
his head looking back over my shoulder.

"HI," Kaz shouted.  The inevitable happened, Edward started crying. AGH!!
As I patted him on the back and tried to calm him down, Kaz made her
apologies about making such a noise. Robbie came down to join me and of
course the inevitable subject came up.

"So, how is your mum?"

A tear ran down my cheek followed by another.  I turned around and walked
away, I must say that I do dislike people seeing me like this, I feel weak.

"Phill, hang on.  Kaz, I will be right back" Robbie called after me an ran
up to me.

"Phill" I turned around an Robbie placed his hands on the side of my cheek.
"Phill, you're mum wouldn't want this.  She would want you to get on with
things, have fun, take care of Edward.  Remember, she is happy now."

"I know Robbie, I know.  It's just so hard.  I walked into her room today,
completely automatically."

"I saw.  Come on, let's go back, huh?"

"I will just go and get his bottle and I will be right back, ok?"

"Sure," he said, as he kissed me an gave Ed a kiss on the head.  Whilst I
was waiting for the microwave to finish warming up his milk, there was a
hand placed on my shoulder.

"Phill, I don't know what to say.  I am so so sorry," Kaz said.  I turned
to see a tear glisten in her eye.

"Thanks.  But we have him to look after now.  Can't let mum down on that,"
I said. Robbie took him off me as I tested the milk and placed it in a
bottle and handed it to him.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I think it's time I need. Robbie and I are going baby shopping this
afternoon.  Would like it if you wanted to come.  I haven't talked to
Robbie about this, but I think we will go car shopping in the near future.
We need a car for the three of us and I don't want to use mum's, so I was
thinking about selling both and buying a new one.  But I can't really do
that until Jude has looked into the financial side.  Because I know that
things are a mess.  Talking of which, my car is still at the hospital."

"Can you put a baby seat in your car?" Kaz asked.

"No, it's too small in the back.  They don't recommend it in the front
because of the air bags."

"Well, we can go in my car," Kaz said.

"Do you have it here?"

"Yea."

It didn't seem like a good idea to take Ed shopping with us, he was only
little as it was so we would have to wait until Jude got back and leave him
with her for a while.  Kaz took Robbie to the hospital to pick up the car,
and I spent some time with Edward.  He didn't do very much, so we watched
TV together.  Well rather, he slept, I watched TV.  When I thought about
it, we went for a walk around the house whilst I went to get things sorted
for Jude.

I was drawn to mums room, as I pushed the door open.  I looked in to see it
exactly like she left it before I went for my exam.  I stepped in and ran
my hands down the dresser.  And I smelled that smell that reminded me of
mum.  It was all in this room.

"HAPPY ANIVERSARY!" my mum called into our room.

"Thanks mum!" I shouted back.  As I looked over to Robbie and kissed him on
the lips.

"Happy anniversary, babes" I said and kissed him again.

"Can I come in?" mum called.

"Sure."

She walked in carrying a card and a large breakfast.

She was so relaxed wearing a silk dressing gown, hair all in a mess.

"Phill?"

"Huh" I said as I snapped back to reality.

"Sorry, I wondered if you were ok," Jude said.  "Yea, I am fine.  We were
wondering if you would look after Edward for a few hours while we go
shopping?"

"I would love to!" she said.

"Cool, well everything is sorted.  Nappies etc are in the bag, milk just
needs warming."

"Ok, that's great."

I held him out in the air and looked at him.  I have decided that he will
be very cute when he is older.  Don't know why, just a feeling.  I took him
downstairs and did the nappy thing, handed him over to Jude when Robbie got
back and the three of us left to go shopping.

First port of call was definitely mother care.  You know what I hate that.
Why is it Mother Care?  Why not Parent Care or what ever.  They assume so
much.  By the way for our yank collective, Mother Care is a baby shop.

We bought a few things before moving on to Baby Gap.  One of the assistants
came up to us almost instantly.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" she asked.

"No thanks, just looking."

"What may you be looking for?"

"Some things for my baby" I said very matter of factly.

"Where is the baby?  You may find it easier for fitting purposes if it was
here."

"Firstly I said that we were ok, thank you, but also he is not an it," I
snapped at her.  Robbie's reassuring hand came to rest on my shoulder as he
warned me to keep cool.

"Ok, well I will be over here if you require me," she said and walked off.

"Well done, I would have slapped her" Kaz said and smiled.

We looked over a few things and we made our selections.

As we walked out of the shop, Robbie slipped his hand into mine an Kaz
looked back to see the shop assistant's mouth drop.

We just laughed at her arrogance.