Date: Fri, 1 May 2015 07:51:16 -0500
From: Zach Pancakes <zachthepancake@gmail.com>
Subject: Rule the World 5 - Turtle Tricks

Disclaimer: There are gays (and said gays will eventually have sex), leave
if you're allergic or sensitive to that kind of thing. This is a ficticious
story, and if someone resembles you that's awesome but unintentional.

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___

Rule the World  - Turtle Tricks

By Zach Pancakes

___

The first thing that happened when Zach stepped in after his absence was
the librarian cursing out loud.

Aside from that, though, Zach made his glorious return after a week of
cough and snot, delighted to see everything was just as he had left it.

No, seriously. "Wow. My chair is totally in the same position. NO ONE comes
to this library, do they?"

Addy and Connor exchanged looks. They hadn't really paid any attention to
the chair, so who really knew?

It made Connor think, though. "Actually. You're right. It's amazing how
empty this place is during lunch. Maybe it fills up after classes?"

Okay, who cares?

Addy didn't. "Whatever. Zach, how absolutely obliterated were your lungs
last week?"

Zach groaned. "Ugh you don't even want to know. It was way worse than I
expected."

Oh, obliterated was a kind word. It was ragnacough on the poor guy's
throat. In simple terms, back during the flood, the perfect conditions were
created for an unusual mosquito species to develop and sting Zach in his
poor sugar-overwhelmed arm.

After a few weeks incubating, the strain hit Zach with the overwhelming
force of a million pillows stuffed with turtles.

Connor triple frowned. "I'm almost convinced that you're lying."

Zach feigned indignation, pain and distress. And then grinned. "Nah. It's
legit. The good side, though, is that I got to be overdosed in painkillers!
It was awesome."

Addy was slightly worried, having overheard her mother speak ill of
overdosing in general.

But Zach was alive, so meh, right? "Okay. On the scale of two-for-one cake
sale to winning the superbowl?"

"It's on the scale of mini Connors jumping over fences, and mini Addy
piledriving a goat." Connor had a lot of issues with that sentence, but
Addy cut him off.

"Just for the record, boys, I have actually wrestled animals before."
'Ooohs' echoed through the empty hall. Librarian included.

Zach couldn't hold his chuckles as he imagined Addy with the champion
belt. "No way, girl. You're fifteen! Unless you suplex'd a dog or
something. In which case...How could you, you monster!?"

Addy was giggling, and blushing. It was weird. "Oh nonono. Never. I took
down this giant, angry pig back at my Uncle's farm."

But now Connor cut them off. "...I...I am not saying that is not
impressive. But...why did you suplex a pig? Is that legal?"

It's accurate to say Zach ignored Connor's question. "Holy shit. How? Do
you have a six pack, or something?"

Addy flexed her arms, which pumped up to unimaginable levels. "No six
packs. I'm doing good, though."

Zach shivered. "Damn it. I thought I was just a sissy, but no wonder your
smacks hurt that much."

Laughter was abound. Except for Connor. News at 11. "Are we completely
going to ignore WHY she fought the pig?"

They did ignore it. Connor did eventually find out why Addy wrestled that
pig, but it wouldn't be until much later.

On a small note about ignored things, it's easy to forget Zach and Addy do
interact with their other classmates on a daily basis.

But nothing really interesting happens, so who cares about them? Well, that
very day something important happened.

Zach and Addy were debating on how to fix Tic-Tac-Toe in that brief period
between their library trips and the renewal of classes, when a Connor-sized
and chirpy teenage girl from the next class approached them.

Petite in body, though. Not in-

"Zach I know what you want to say, and you better don't." Zach gulped as
Addy death glared him. He had been forbidden from complimenting women's
nice chests after Addy realized she had never been complimented on HER
chest. Talk about a complex.

Their telepathic exchange was disregarded by the new girl. "Hey, you two!
I'm throwing down a halloween party next week, and I wanted to let you guys
know in advance! Bring your best costume, alright?"

The duo were handed a card each, displaying a pumpkin witch skating on a
broom. Party at Ericka's! Was written with glitter on top of it.

Zach slammed the table and shouted instinctively. "Fuck yes, Halloween!"
Addy and Ericka both stared.

Zach tilted his head. "Uh, I meant...holy shit, bring on the rave?"

More stares. "Um...yay?" Ericka thanked them for their time, and went off
to give the rest of the class their invitation. Zach banged his head
against the desk, as Addy patted his shoulder.  _____

"I didn't get invited." Were the first words Connor let out on the walk
home, after Zach blabbered about the party for a good four minutes.

Addy seemed sad, but Zach was plain hurt. "Huh? Why not?"

Connor looked away. "I've told you before...I'm just not wanted in those
places."

But that answer just confused Zach. "I just don't get it, being serious for
a moment. You're pretty awesome."

Connor bit his lip, and stared at the pavement. "Only you guys think I'm
not a waste of space."

Addy played with the bangs in front of her eye. She was kind of
worried. "Hey, Connor? What happened to not caring about the haters?"

It made Connor flinch. It was so easy to say things like that back in the
library. But it was just saying things. Acting on them was a whole
different beast.

Connor sighed. "It's...It's not that simple, alright? I'm just a loser to
them, end of story."

"Bullshit!" That was Zach and Addy at the same time. They silently fist
bumped, hoping Connor wouldn't see. He did.

Zach tapped his feet on the ground. He wasn't going to stand for a bestie
feeling like that. "You're coming with us! It's time they actually meet
you! Y'know. Cool Connor."

Zach smiled brightly and raised his thumb. Connor wasn't convinced, though.

More than anything, he was getting frustrated. "There IS no Cool Connor. To
them I'm just a bookworm, alright!? I don't know what you two actually see
in me, but it's not coolness."

Addy was getting frustrated too, but out of concern. "Hey, stop saying
you're a loser! I think you're better than those guys."

Connor hated the you're not a loser talk. He hated getting it from his
parents, and he definitely didn't want it from Zach and Addy. It suffocated
him.

The sooner he could end it, the better. "Look, let's just leave it at that,
alright? You can go to the party, and I can stay home."

Zach frowned. And he didn't frown often. "No, we can't leave it at that!
Because it's just not true! You're not a loser just because they say so!"

Connor clenched his teeth. In his eyes he WAS the definition of a loser. He
was contrarian to everything his classmates enjoyed. They made sure to
remind him of it.

He didn't need their pity. "It IS true! I'm not athletic, and I suck at
jokes! I hate the noise in parties, and meeting new people is terrifying!
How can you two not see I'm a loser!?"

Addy groaned. "Ugh, so what! So you're not a jock, and you don't get
hammered like a retard every saturday. Being different doesn't make you a
loser!"

Zach rode the wave Addy's splash had raised. "She's right, dude! We can
have fun being ourselves around you! You're cultured, witty,
disciplined...And you're kind of scary at chess. How do you do it?"

Addy tugged on Zach's arm. "Zach! Not the time."

Connor just stood there, taking the words in. He wanted to ignore
them. Everytime he thought he was more than a nobody someone would push him
back down.

It was hard. He was too used to being alienated, and not cared about. He
had tried to look better for others back then. But the hill got steeper
every time he looked at it, and he had eventually resigned to it.

That he was a loser.

Connor remembered all the insults over the years, and he never understood
why it had ended up that way. How did he end up thinking of himself as so
unlikeable?

He could forget it as long as he was with the friends he couldn't
understand having. But when they left, it all came back.

But now this stupid party he'd been left out of had come up, and he
couldn't pretend those feelings weren't there.

Connor tightened his fists. He didn't want to go to that party. He didn't
want to face the people who had tormented him so long. Or rather, he was
scared of being hated even more.

That was the keyword. He was scared. Afraid of fighting back, and getting
knocked down one more time. He didn't know if he could stand up again after
that.

Connor looked up at the other two. Their eyes were filled with worry. He
couldn't speak. There was a knot in his throat, one he recognized all too
well.

Suddenly, Connor felt himself choke up slightly. Was he crying? He better
not be crying. He didn't need THEM two to think of him as a loser too. Damn
it, just thinking about it made him actually start tearing up. He felt
stupid, angry, and embarassed.

He had to go. It was better that way anyways. Addy and Zach beamed at
enjoying their lives, while he was basically the grumpy gnome in between
them. He didn't need to make a fool out of himself any longer, so he turned
to walk away.

Zach's hand gripped his arm. Hard.

"Let me go! Y-You guys should just...go and make better friends. Friends
who don't hide in the library, or cry about how stupid they are, alright!?"
Zach was having trouble holding him back.

So Addy tugged on his other arm. "Connor! Come on...let's just...let's talk
about this. We're here for you."

Connor didn't really have the strength to wrestle out of their grip. He was
pouting and mumbling incoherencies. Still, they eventually got him to sit
between them on a nearby bench.

Connor just wanted to go home and be pathetic by himself, but now he
couldn't even have that. "Even if...you guys say it. They'll never think
like you do. They'll always hate me. Damn it!"

Zach wasn't ready for it, all of a sudden. Seeing Connor's face displaying
that level of sorrow did things to his heart he could barely handle. He
wanted to hug him. No, it wasn't that.

He wanted to cheer him up, permanently. It was then, while seeing Connor's
most vulnerable state, that Zach's feelings for him really became real.

But right now, he couldn't do anything. He was too scared of making things
worse. His only option was to wait out the storm, and pick up the pieces.

And so, they listened patiently ass Connor sobbed, moaned, whined and
stuttered. Until he finally stopped. Connor realized it felt great to just
let it all out. They didn't judge him, and it was what he needed.

Then there was a brief, peaceful silence between them.

Zach was absolutely terrible at consoling people. He gathered up the
courage to be himself. "If it makes you feel better, I didn't know plants
could drown until Addy told me."

Addy sighed. "If it makes you feel better, at least we're not Zach."

And Zach extended his arm over Connor's head to flick Addy's ear. "Hey!
This is a hugparty, don't be mean!"

Addy reached over and tugged softly on his hair. "You FORCE my hand! Read
the mood, idiot! Connor's going to think we're lame!"

But he didn't. He thought they were incredible. His classmates? They were
all boring. He'd never heard from them anything that made him laugh or feel
good. Why DID he care about their opinions? When he had...these two?

He realized as he was under their flick fight, that he was friends with the
coolest people in school. And he was one of them. How? Because...he was
awesome too.

It was a weight off his shoulders. He still had some bags chained to him,
but he definitely felt lighter. Connor smiled. He'd been doing that a lot
more these days, but it always felt just as good.

And then he chuckled. Full of joy, and volume.

"God damn idiots, you're the best. And you know what? I AM incredible at
chess."

Zach smiled wide and catapulted from his seat. "Hell yeah, you are! Let me
see those punks try to checkmate this badass!"

As Zach finger banged the air, Addy placed her hand on Connor's
shoulder. "It's okay, you know? We love you anyways. Those jerks don't
deserve you."

Connor nodded. She was right. The second he became friends with these two,
he wasn't a loser anyone. Because they cared about him.

He stood up, took a deep breath, and shouted towards Zach. "Let's RULE that
party, BRO! ...No. I'm sorry. I'll never do that again."

Zach tackled Connor into an enthusiastic hug, giggling like mad. It was
impossible for Connor not to blush under that embrace. It felt good. And
weird. But mostly good! Smiling felt great, on top of that. Too bad his
face'S neutral state was probably stuck in a frown by now.

Zach's body was pretty soft. Connor thought that he could probably hold on
to him for a pretty long time. Wait, what? God, it was getting weird.

Connor pushed him off gently. "Thanks, you two."

Completely in sync, Addy and Zach exclaimed "Anytime!". And high fived.

Connor scratched behind his ear. How DID they keep doing that? He had much
to learn, still.

_____

The day had arrived. Hide your wives, hide your kids! Halloween was Zach's
favorite national holiday. His mom kept insisting it wasn't actually a
holiday, but he ignored her.

Bottom line is, it was a day where Zach could adquire free sugar. And eat
all of it unjudged. They should call it Hallozach. Zachoween?

Zach nodded to himself, as he finished zipping up in his turtle
costume. Definitely Zachoween. He stepped into the living room, for a proud
display.

Cody rustled his son's hair. Well, he tried. The costume was kind of in the
way. "I'm proud of you, son."

Zach tilted his head, his expression unknown. "For putting on my costume?"

His dad laughed strongly, and patted him in the back with equal
strength. Tough love. Ow. "Son! It's like you've forgotten you hate this
place! Remember your first week here?"

Oooh. Of course he remembered! He was alone, stuck with his parents. And he
missed everyone back at their old home. He kinda lucked out, actually.

His expectations were meeting boring people, in a boring school, and being
too awesome for all around him.

Zach played with his thumbs. He didn't like admitting defeat. "I just made
super awesome friends, Dad. Otherwise you'd be stuck with pancakes, still."

And Zach's dad groaned.

Then Zach's mom squealed in joy. "You two are oh so cute! Line up, we're
taking a picture!" Zach's mom was dressed as a hipster photographer. Or was
that just what she wanted to be?

Zach's dad adjusted his cowboy hat, and the three posed for the photo. It
took them a few million shots, since Zach kept trying to look like a
teenage ninja.

And then the doorbell rang. It had to be them! Zach jumped in his spot and
ran towards the door. He opened it and-

"Trick or Treat!" Addy shouted! She was dressed like quite the cop. Tight
pants, leather jacket, cute hat. Badge and everything. Gun holster with a
fake gun to boot! Zach hoped it was fake, at least.

"Trick or...Treat?" Connor mumbled. Zach's jaw dropped. Connor was in full
Samurai Warlord Armor, with the traditional helmet included. Connor's blue
eyes were the only part of his body visible. He was holding a hopefully
fake sword, too.

Damn, Connor's costume looked hot. As in, actually hot. High
temperature. Thankfully their climate was pretty cold at night.

They both laughed at Zach's cute turtle costume. But Zach said nothing. He
stared into Addy's eyes. Well, the turtle costume's cute eyes did.

Addy was still laughing. "I'm sorry Zach! It's just, a turtle? A
turtle. God! You look so-" And then Zach unzipped the costume's head away.

And revealed below it the disfigured, bloody face of the ruler of the
underworld. Puss dripping from his left eye, his right eye missing from the
slash of a blade. His lower jaw missing. His cranium torn open, with his
brain openly in display.

Connor screamed, and tripped.

Addy shouted "AH! FUCK!" And punched Zach in the face. Zach was knocked out
immediately.

Addy apologized endlessly to Zach's parents during the fifteen minutes he
was out cold, while Connor awkwardly stared at the floor.

Then she apologized to Zach for about five minutes, before Zach finally got
her to shut up. Thank god the mask covered his black eye. They'd wasted
precious time already! They had to get their share of candy before Ericka's
party.

And get their candy they did. Zach had plotted out an efficient map that
would allow them to grab the most amount of treats possible before
returning to his house to store the goods.

They stormed out. And what house could resist the power of the Devil-Turtle
Samurai Cop teens? At one point, their baskets got filled, so they stopped
to eat some of their loot before continuing on.

Well, Addy did. After taking off both his masks, Zach had gobbled half his
basket in a minute or two. They actually had to take the basket away, lest
he overdose.

And Connor insisted he had more than enough candy already. Geez, the
innocent child.

Addy munched on her chocolate bar, inspecting the handiwork of Connor's
armor. "Damn. Your costume's pretty high quality. What gives?"

Connor sighed. "As you know, mother wanted to help with the costume. She
insisted we pay tribute to her Japanese roots, so..."

Zach whistled. "I've never met a tanned Japanese ginger. I'm like...half
American, half German."

Connor looked like he was battling with saying something, but he opted to
stay silent. Who got that guy?

Addy felt like seventy bad jokes she could make about Zach's origins. None
of them would make her good like a good person, so she shrugged. "I'm
one-hundred percent American. Suckers."

And that marked the end of their chat. They finished travelling their
route, and dropped off their earnings at the Russell household.

As the group walked toward the party, there was one walking just slightly
slower. You know, Connor. His body felt stiff, and his chest had at least
three anvils chained to it.

Zach noticed, though. "Hey, Connor...It's going to be fine, you know? And
if it's not, we'll just leave and party at MY house!" Zach raised his fist
to the heavens.

Connor knew that Zach was most likely right. But you can't just erase your
issues in a few weeks. No matter what, he was going to be scared of his
classmates tonight.

Connor gulped, when the group came across Ericka's house. Blaring with
lights and music, there was no missing that party.

If there was any day to get over fears like that, it was Halloween.

_____

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