Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2006 13:51:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: Rob Hoek <storyguy22@yahoo.com>
Subject: Ryan's Impulse (29)

   Rick and I shared three more great days, and three more incredible
nights, at the condo before the inevitable time to go home arrived. I say
great days as opposed to incredible nights because that was pretty much the
way of it. The nights were filled with our lust for each other, and the new
sexual discoveries we were making, and he seemed so into it, fucking me
with wild abandon, and a passion that seemed to equal my own. But, in the
cold light of day that eventually followed, he brooded about his actions of
the previous night, going frequently quiet on me, and doing a lot of
pensive staring out to sea.

   It was, I knew, the "gay" thing that was eating at him, and he just
couldn't seem to get past the need to label what we were doing. I tried,
over and over, to make him see it as what I believed it to be, great sex,
unbelievably great sex, being shared between two people who genuinely cared
for each other, and obviously wanted each other in that way, who just
happened to both be males. The difference, I suppose, was that while I had
pretty much accepted the fact that this was my orientation, and I had
gotten comfortable with who I was sexually, Rick clung desperately to a
self image that insisted he was straight, and therefore was required to
hate all things "gay," and he was beating himself up for caving to his
urges where I was concerned. It pained me greatly to see him brood this
way, but, not to the point that I was willing to give up that great sex
with him anytime soon.

   It was morning now, on the day of our departure back to the real world,
and, as we packed up our stuff, and loaded the car, he was in one of his
blue funks, and had hardly said five words since we had begun the day with
a raucous fuck, followed by a shared shower that had led to my sucking him
off again as he leaned against the bathroom vanity. Personally, I thought
it a perfect windup to a perfect few days, but Rick, well, was apparently
going to just be Rick. Sigh.

   As I was making a last check of the condo to ensure that all was secure,
and properly squared away, and to also ensure that we had not left any
obvious dna lying about, Rick walked through the living room, and deposited
his sport bag next to the door. He looked over at me, and actually gave me
the closest thing to a real smile that I'd seen since the bathroom blow
job, and he said,

   "Hey Ry....I gotta tell you, dude, this get-away has seriously rocked for
me....in a lot of ways, actually......and I flat needed a break from
home....the old man....all the shit....so hey, Bud....serious....thanks, OK?"

   I smiled right back at him, and quickly crossed over to stand in front
of him, and slide my arms around his neck as I pulled him close, and looked
him in the eye, saying.

   "That's really good to hear, Rick.....really....and....this has all rocked
for me, too....all of it....and I need you to be OK with it....all of
it.....and stop, already, with the self-hate campaign, OK?"

   He was still grinning his killer smile, which I took as a good sign, and
he nodded slightly, as he said, very softly, as he hugged me tighter,

   "You are so the best, Ryan....really...sometimes I actually think that you
know me better than I know me....and, I really am Ok with.....all of it...too
OK, actually.....just....well shit, Dude....you already know how it is with
me.....shit...I love it.....and then....I fucking hate myself because I love
it!"

   I hugged him, actually feeling tears well up in my eyes, which is like
the last thing I needed, to be acting like a total queen in front of my
macho guy, and I buried my face in his chest so he wouldn't see me like
that. I struggled, and got it together, then, lifted my head, and told him,

   "See big-guy....that is exactly what I'm talking about....why can't you
just stop thinking about it, like, when you reach the "loving it" part, and
skip all the rest?"

   He stared at me a long beat, then slowly shook his head, as he said,

   "I know, Ry....that's exactly what I tell myself every time...like, what's
the big deal....it's fun....it feels freeking awesome....you seem so really Ok
with it all...I love you, for sure....so why the hell I hammer myself about
it.....I just don't know!"

      I shook my head, at a loss for what to say beyond what I had already
said, so I just planted a small kiss on his cheek, and said,

   "Well, maybe it just needs more time, try and not think about it so
much, Rick....just go with your instincts, and relax about the whole
thing....what the fuck, nobody but me and you have a clue what's happening
with us, so give it a rest, already."

   He sighed heavily, but nodded his head, and we separated, and got on
with loading up for the trip home. When we were all set, I locked the
condo, and we climbed in the car, me driving, and Rick settled in beside
me. As we drove along, savoring the stunning coastal views, as the hiway
followed along the beach, Rick suddenly seemed to want to talk,
uncharacteristic as that might have been, and I just shut up and let him
ramble, tossing out the occasional uh-huh, or wow, or really, as he seemed
intent on pouring it all out, finally.

   Yes, he confirmed, a lot of his angst stemmed from the sheer "gayness"
of our fooling around, given that his strict upbringing had continuously
stressed the "wrongness" of that. To make things even worse, his fathers
attitude toward the subject seemed to escalate in direct correlation to the
amount of alcohol he had consumed, and when he and Rick went off at each
other, as they did frequently when dad was drinking, he had of late taken
to verbally labeling his son as a "fag," or some similar vulgar reference
to his sexuality. Rick, it seemed, was more bothered by the idea that his
actions with me gave credence to his fathers abusive accusations, than he
was by the verbal assault itself. I wasn't really surprised to hear of his
passionate desire to one day have a wife, and kids of his own, given that
for as long as I had known him, he was incredible with kids of all ages,
and seemed to enjoy his interaction with them as much as they hungrily
drank in the attentions of the older boy. I was, though, somewhat surprised
when he voiced a concern that our "fucking around," as he called it, was
going to one day extract a price from God, something evil, like maybe
making him unable to father kids, or something. I had no idea that he held
any particular religious beliefs, and certainly not anything of such high
order. As he went on, I began to understand the depth, and breadth, of his
personal torment, and I vowed to help him through it in any way possible,
short of giving him up. The one common thread that seemed to run through
his whole dissertation was not so much the sexual acts that we had been
doing, in and of themselves, but more the idea that participating in that
behavior would, in fact, "make" him gay, and that, he just couldn't seem to
live with, period. In an attempt to detour his closed end thinking, and
possibly provide him an alternative label, since he was hell-bent on having
one, I suggested,

   "Here' an idea, dude....when you get a chance, check some data on
bi-sexual people....must be ton's of them out there...and their philosophy,
which pretty much says, sex is sex, a physical act in the main, but
emotional, too, on some level....but not an act requiring any particular
title, or life style label, other than it is safe, consensual, and fun."

   For the first time since we had started driving, he fell silent, as he
seemed to chew on that idea, and I prayed that just maybe I had planted a
small seed that could, with sufficient nurturing, grow into a concept that
he could accept, and chill about.

   We were rapidly approaching the area where the hiway would take a more
inland direction, turning away from the coastline, and I suddenly wanted to
cling to the great time we had had at the beach, so on impulse, I seem to
have a lot of those, <grin> I turned off on the last off ramp to the beach,
and cut back under the freeway, driving into a small, nearly deserted
parking lot overlooking the ocean from a high bluff. I shut off the car,
and sat back, gazing at the soothing view of gently rolling breakers
washing their white foam onto the golden sand of the beach below, and
savored the incessant sounds of the ocean pounding the shore in its
unending rhythm. Rick sat silently beside me, his gaze focused the same as
my own, and after a few quiet minutes, he turned to me, and said,

   "I know, dude.....really....I don't want to go back, either."

   I nodded, acknowledging that he had read my very thought, and replied,

   "It's just been so....special....really special, for me....just like....you
are, for me."

   He nodded, and flashed me his killer smile, as he winked, and said,

   "Yea....well, dude....you aren't exactly just some average dude to me,
either, you know."

   Don't ask me to explain it, or even understand it, but between the look
he was giving me, and the words he had just said, I sprang an instant
boner, my cock rapidly swelling in my shorts, and threatening to burst
through the silky shorts I was wearing. Rick must have read the expression
on my face, and his eyes darted down to my tented crotch, and when he again
met my wide eyed look, he grinned, and said,

   "How about last walk on the beach, sailor?"

   I felt myself blushing like some school girl, but definitely caught his
drift, and nodded, saying,

   "I think I'd really like that, Mister."

   He chuckled, and dropped his hand into my protruding lap, and gave my
erection a firm squeeze, as he said,

   "Cool.....oh, and bring this along too.....we can probably find some use
for it."

   I giggled then, actually sounding very much like some school girl, and
nodded, as I quickly climbed out of the car, not caring in the least if
some casual observer caught sight of my hardon, as long it continued to
hole Rick's interest. He slid out his door, and, holding hands like two
school girls, we headed down the trial that led to the beach below.

   We walked a long way up the deserted stretch of sand, and even took off
our shoes, and socks, so we could walk in the foaming surf, and when we ran
out of beach due to a rock outcropping, we moved back away from the surf,
and settled to the soft sand, our backs resting against the huge rock
wall. In a day that had seemed strangely filled with Rick- type surprises,
he gave me another one, when he suddenly groped my crotch, and said, all
mock anger,

   "Hey...what's up with this....I told you to bring that nice boner with
you!"

   I laughed, and nodded, saying,

   "Yea...well....just keep that going another minute, and you will have all
the boner you want!"

   He chuckled, and he kept it going, and, as promised, in less than a
minute he was stroking a very rigid penis, namely mine!

   "Now....." he said, "that's what I'm talking about....lets get this bad
boy out here....I'm kinda missing him, all of a sudden!"

   Laughing, just letting loose, and going for the moment, we grappled with
shorts, and tee shirts, and in no time both of us were totally naked, right
out there on a public beach, and oblivious to the element of danger that we
might be seen. As crazy as it seems now, in a matter of minutes we were all
over each other, kissing, groping, stroking, laughing like fools through it
all, until we were no longer able to laugh, given that each of us had a
serious mouthful of the others rock hard cock, as we settled into a
sixty-nine that would have made the average porn star proud. For a guy who
was just recently professing his abject straightness, Rick deftly worked my
rampant cock to an explosive orgasm, and, trooper that he was, stayed right
with it, as I flooded his mouth with a copious load of my semen, which he
gamely swallowed right down. He soon returned the favor, and I hungrily
feasted on his creamy offering until both of us were spent, and once more
laughing at our wild, and crazy antics.

   As the heat of the moment drained away, we realized how nuts we had
been, given the location, and we quickly donned our shorts, and shirts, and
headed back to the car, each of us still baking in the sweet afterglow of
another round of awesome sex, as we sheepishly scanned the beach for any
possible witnesses to our romp. We reached the car without encountering any
people, and climbed aboard, saying a last farewell to the sea, as we turned
toward home, and reintroduction to the so called real world.

( To Be Continued)
Storyguy22@yahoo.com