Date: Tue, 8 Aug 2006 03:50:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: tnachiker@yahoo.com
Subject: Saving Me - Chapter 2 (Gay Male - HS)

Please send comments, suggestions, etc to tnachiker@yahoo.com

I'm trying to improve at this.

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Chapter 2 - A Promise Made

	Farm towns are unique places in 21st century America.  Even though
houses can be miles apart, everyone seems to know everyone else.
Friendships that would almost never happen in closer, faster places can
become lifelong bonds.  So it was with Dylen and Rian.


	The two young men had known each other since early childhood.  In
fact, they honestly didn't remember how they became playmates; it was as if
the other were always there.  Before kindergarten, they spent many days
playing typical childhood games around the May and Mason farms.  But, by
the time they reached school age, their parents were surprised that the
friendship continued.  Rian was a grade ahead of Dylen.  Dylen's inward
nature and Rian's outgoing spirit were already clearly developed.  Despite
this, they were the definition of best friends.  There was just something
unquantifiable about them that seemed to click.


	But, the teen years often have a way of changing close friendships.
Rian moved to middle school first and gained his interest in athletics.
Often Dylen would feel left out as Rian went to practices and games, places
Dylen could not go.  At the same time, Dylen's parents began to involve him
in the massive array of LDS youth activities, like scouting and mutual.
With less and less time together, Rian and Dylan's friendship became more
of a distant friendly acquaintance.  They got along well when they were
together, but those times were few and far between.


	The two had drifted apart completely by the time Rian reached high
school.  His circle of friends exploded as he grew into the star athlete
and the head-turning physical specimen he was destined to become.  But,
somehow, when Dylen reached high school, the friendship rekindled.  At
first, they seemed so different that no one thought it would work.  Dylen
wasn't athletic and his group of friends was much smaller than Rian's.
But, while they were not as close as they had been in childhood, they did
talk and hang out from time to time.


	As Dylen blossomed into his own in high school, the friendship
became one of mutual respect and admiration.  For as long as he had known
Rian, Dylen had looked up to him.  When they were little Rian was like a
brother, something the lonely Dylen desperately wanted.  And after they
were grown, Rian, the super popular athlete, treated him as an equal.  Even
more surprising to Dylen, he completely trusted Rian.  It was not something
he'd typically do, especially when he grew into young adulthood.  But,
there was just something about Rian that made Dylen feel comfortable, more
comfortable than being around anyone else he knew.


	That Dylen would admire Rian wasn't exactly surprising -- everyone
either admired or envied Rian.  But what would have shocked most people,
including Dylen himself, was how much Rian admired him.  Rian grew to see
Dylen as the model of a good man.  He admired the way Dylen inspired others
to be their best.  Dylen had done as many things to be proud of.  He'd been
an eagle scout at 14 and a great musician.  He was good looking and a
virtual genius.  But, all the while, he was still humble.  Rian knew a lot
of girls who were attracted to Dylen's thin, tailored body and his cute,
boyish features.  He could have taken advantage of dozens of opportunities
those girls offered for sex and greater popularity, but he never did. That
was something Rian could not claim for himself.


	Being an athlete, Rian was expected to bed his share of girls.  He
did it not out of love or even a desire for sexual satisfaction, but simply
out of locker room peer pressure.  The rumor mill greatly exaggerated the
number of Rian's "conquests."  He'd had sex with only three girls, but
there was no feeling, no love -- just empty contact.  That he couldn't
resist temptation and save himself for someone he loved was secretly an
embarrassment to Rian.

***

	Before that night, Rian hadn't seen Dylen since he'd moved to
college.  A year is a long time, and people can change sometimes.  But
standing there in the barely illuminated blackness of the road, the being
Rian saw in front of him was not the Dylen he knew.  This Dylen looked more
like a stereotypical grunge fan dropout. His hair looked uncombed and about
three times longer than it used to be.  His clothes were clean, but
hap-hazard and wrinkled, a huge difference from the well-maintained, spit
and polish man Rian remembered.  The calm that once seemed to flow from his
younger friend like a cool mountain stream was gone.  Dylen's eyes were
almost dark, bereft of their life loving light.  They were red and puffy,
surrounded by tear streaked cheeks.  It was obvious that Dylen had been
crying and crying hard.  And crying over an accident wasn't the old Dylen
-- not by a long shot.  'Something horrible is going on,' Rian surmised.
What could have changed the person he knew so much?


	At first, Dylen stared at Rian blankly.  Rian gripped Dylen's
shoulders and shook him gently.  Dylen just continued staring.  "Dylen, are
. . .  you . . .  OK?" Rian repeated slowly, with evident concern.


	With those words, Dylen's unfocused eyes started clearing.  It
finally registered to his still foggy mind who had found him.  He took a
reflexive deep breath of relief.  "Rian?"  he said.




	Of all the people in the world to see at this moment, Dylen's heart
knew that Rian was the best.  It had taken a moment to recognize him - and
not just because of the depressed anger that had clouded his mind.  Rian
had shed the last of his teen looks.  Dylen was honestly overtaken by the
vision of the fully grown, handsome man whom he had called friend.  He had
always felt something around Rian, but in this moment, there was even more.
It felt like a connection -- an urge, a magnetic pull - drawing him toward
Rian.  It was an unearthly, breathtaking feeling.  But, as quickly as it
arose, the feeling vanished.


	Perhaps because of that good feeling, the pit of despair Dylen had
fallen into was fading.  Even though Rian hadn't asked it, Dylen's cracking
voice answered the question he'd expected to hear.  "Wasn't paying
attention, I guess."


	"What?"  Rian asked.  Dylen's words sounded disjointed.  Moving
from the road, the blank stare, disjoint comments.  'He may have a
concussion,' Rian thought.  Rian had taken basic first aid in high school,
and the training kicked in.  "Come on.  You need to sit down."


	Rian wrapped his strong arm around Dylen's shoulder and helped him
toward the convertible.  Even though Dylen was moving under his own under
power, Rian couldn't help but feel that he was holding his friend up.  Rian
almost lifted Dylen off his feet as he guided him gently into the driver's
seat.  Once Dylen was seated and stationary, Rian gave him a quick once
over, making sure there were no obvious injuries.


	Dylen looked at the kneeling man and again felt that strange urge.
It was now something like an electric buzz, as Rian gently touched him,
checking for injury.  That feeling seemed to go straight to his soul.
'Rian could handle anything, unlike me,' Dylen thought.  'He's so calm.'
Dylen had always secretly felt inferior to muscular guys.  It was so
different with Rian.  But, as quickly as it came before, the feeling
retreated again.


	As Rian continued his check, Dylen started to explain his answer.
"I ran up on a dog.  I swerved to miss it and wound up there.  I should
have been paying more attention to what the fuck I was doing," Dylen said.
Rian caught an almost bitter tone to Dylen's recovering voice but let the
comment go.  He knew that he'd be mad if he'd been in a careless accident.
Still, it was not like Dylen to curse, even when he was mad.


	Rian focused again on his friend's face.  Dylen seemed to be
getting better by the second, but the blankness -- the dimness in his eyes
-- was still there.  It was just out of place.  Still, Rian decided that it
would be OK to leave him for a second while he checked out the wrecked car.
"You're gonna be OK, Dylen.  I think you're just shaken up a little bit.
I'm gonna see if there's anything I can do about your car.  You'll be
alright until then.  OK?"


	Dylen nodded understanding, and watched as Rian stood up.  He
turned around and walked toward the floundered car.  After circling several
times, Rian arrived at the same conclusion Dylen had earlier-- he couldn't
see any real damage.  He knelt on the ground to see how and where the car
was stuck.  Unlike the disaster Dylen saw when he viewed the scene, Rian
noticed that the car didn't appear to be deeply imbedded in the rise.  It
was balanced just on top of the collected soil.  Rian added up everything
and decided he could push the car back onto the road easily. It wouldn't be
any more difficult than moving a car sliding in mud, perhaps easier.  If
Dylen wasn't able to follow him to the Mason farm - and there was no way,
Rian was going to let him go it alone -- at least he could move the car to
an access road nearby and leave it until morning


	Rian returned to his own car.  He noticed Dylen was still intently
watching him, but he looked much better after the few minutes calm.  Rian
didn't want to ask what he was going to, just when Dylen seemed to be back
together.  But he needed the help.  Rian leaned in and propped himself
against the car using the windshield and the side of the car for support.
Now overshadowed by Rian's bulk, Dylen felt almost totally enveloped - and
strangely safe.  "Feeling better?" Rian asked.


	'Yeah.  I can think again at least," Dylen replied, a little
distracted.


	"Do you think you can help me get your car out of the ditch?  Feel
up to it?"  Rian asked.


"Huh?" Dylen asked incredulously.  "You think we can move it?"  Dylen had
expected that it would take a tow truck to pull his car out.


	"Shouldn't be a problem," Rian said matter-of -factly.  "It's not
as stuck as it looks.  We just need to move the car a foot or two forward,
and then it will be on solid ground.  I can push, if you will steer it back
on the road."


	Dylen paused.  He'd always known Rian as strong as hell -- seeing
the Adonis standing in front of him only solidified that -- but he thought
Rian was crazy for trying to do this alone.  But, then he glanced up at
those outstretched triceps.  Maybe Rian really could do it.  Dylen decided
to take the chance. "OK," he said.


	Rian stood upright again, allowing Dylen to also stand.  Once they
reached Dylen's car, Rian opened the much more easily accessed passenger
door.  He explained to Dylen what he wanted him to do.  Dylen slid in the
passenger seat and moved the gear shift to neutral.


	Meanwhile, Rian moved around to the back of the car.  He stepped
over the rise and down into the ditch.  He needed to find good footing, and
in this light, that wasn't going to be easy.  After looking around for a
moment, he found a spot of solid earth several inches below where the water
line would have been.  He'd have no choice but to approach the car at an
odd angle, so this would be harder than he first thought.


	Rian willed his mind to enter "the zone," a state he knew so well
through sports and lifting that he could access it almost on command.  He
focused his concentration, causing everything to fall away except his
opponent.  Ritualistically, Ryan cracked his neck, squared his shoulders,
and settled into a wrestler-like position, ready to free the car.


	"You ready?"  Rian asked.


	"Go" Dylen yelled back.


	Rian took a deep breath and placed his hands on the rear bumper.
His muscles tightened and expanded as he applied force to the car.  At
first, there was no movement at all.  The car was going to put up a fight.
After a few moments of stalemate, Rian relaxed but only for a second,
allowing momentum to do some work.  He re-gathered his forces, and again,
pushed hard against the car.  This time, there was a sound, a grinding of
metal on earth.  Rian and Dylen felt the car slide forward ever so
slightly.  It's perfectly perched angle changed, and Dylen felt the rear
end tilt.  He was shocked.  He couldn't believe that Rian was really doing
it.


	Rian was invigorated.  He'd felt his opponent break, and he dumped
more power in to the push.  There was a further movement and Rian took a
step forward.  Finally, he growled with exertion and pushed even harder.
He took another step, then another, then another.  The odd angle he was
forced to start at was righting, allowing him to more easily free the
vehicle.  There was slow, steady movement now, but Rian kept pushing.  A
final bump- bounce signaled that the tires had rolled off the rise.  The
car was now free of its earthen trap.


	Once it was fully on the road again, Rian stopped pushing. He took
a satisfied deep breath, and slowly let it out.  It had not been the
hardest thing he'd ever done to be sure.  Still it wasn't easy, and he was
a little winded at the effort.  Dylen open his door and almost ran the six
feet to the car's rear to thank Rian.  Dylen skidded to a halt as he turned
the corner.  While he had been impressed before, the sight of Rian now
really was breathtaking.  Rian's skin was slightly reddened from the sudden
exertion. Every muscle group Dylen could see clearly, from Rian's forearms
to his calves, was now enlarged from the slight pump.  Rian barely
registered the difference, but to Dylen's inexperienced eyes, he was
monstrous.  Dylen tried to take in the first bodybuilder "pump" he'd ever
seen in the flesh, but all his overloaded mind could manage at the sight
was one slowly whispered word:


	"Shit."


	As he said it, Dylen wondered what Rian would look like after a
long workout, throwing around tons of clanking plates, drenched in sweat.
That feeling zapped through him again.


	An almost imperceptible smile graced Rian's mouth and eyes as he
heard Dylen speak.  Strongman feats just weren't his style.  Still, it was
nice to be appreciated by someone like Dylen.  "Ah.  I promise you it was a
lot harder than I thought it would be," Rian said.  Dylen turned a little
red himself, embarrassed that Rian had heard him.  Rian continued to smile
and stood to full height again.  He raised his arms above his head,
stretching both his muscles.  "Come on.  Let's see if we can get it
started, huh," Rian said.


	Dylen was preoccupied with what he'd just witnessed as he rounded
the car and opened the driver's door.  Rian was almost ready to make the
walk himself when he noticed a trail of liquid slowly spreading.  He knelt
down and touched it.  It slid between his fingers almost like water, but
the smell gave it away.  Gasoline.  Something in the rise must have torn
the fuel line, or worse, punctured the gas tank.  'It's a miracle Dylen's
still alive,' Rian thought.  In any case, this car was going nowhere under
power.


	"Hey Dylen," Rian said as he moved around to the driver's door.
Dylen turned and looked out the lowered window.  On Rian's outstretched
fingers, he saw a liquid shine and caught a whiff of fuel.  His mind leapt
to the correct conclusion.  Dylen's newfound calm shredded and for a moment
tears welled up in his eyes.


	"Jesus fucking Christ, can anything else go goddamned wrong?  Is
there any other way I can possibly fuck up any worse!"  Dylen yelled.  Rian
almost took a step back at the ferocity, the unbridled self hatred, he
heard in that voice.  He knew his gut reaction had been right.  Something
horrible was happening because he'd heard the sound of those words before.
They triggered something -- something Rian had tried very hard to forget
but couldn't.  It involuntarily played in his memory, resurrected by that
cry.  A flower covered room . . . an open burnished steel box . . . A
too-pale, reconstructed face. . . the loud but soundless close of a lid.
He saw it all vividly.  Everything made sense now.  The question was why?


	"Hey.  It's OK." Rian said, trying to calm Dylen down.  Dylen
looked up to face Rian, with the fire of demonic anger filling his eyes.
Rian started stumbling. That look was frightening.  He tried to stem the
tide of what he feared was soon to come.  "I must have pulled a line loose
or something getting the car back on the road.  It's nothing that can't be
easily fixed.  We'll just move the car off the road.  Your dad can get it
home tomorrow.  I'll drop you off at your house.  After something like
this, you're just lucky to be alive."


	Dylen closed up again.  The anger, much to Rian's relief seemed to
fade.  "I'm sorry.  I'm just upset, I guess," Dylen lied.  The violent
shadow in him was upset that he hadn't blown up.  He'd be no more trouble
to anyone that way.  For the second time that night, Dylen wondered if he
was more trouble than he was worth.


	Rian opened the passenger side door to his convertible and again
led Dylen to it.  After securing the door, Rian returned to Dylen's car and
easily guided it about 100 yards back to a field access road.  He found a
scrap of paper that had once been in one of Dylen's textbooks, wrote a note
with a pen he found, and put it under a windshield wiper.


	Rian returned to his own car and gave Dylen his keys back.  "I'll
have you home in 10 minutes."  Rian cranked his engine and Stone Temple
Pilots "Creep" blared from the speakers.  Quickly fumbling with the CD
player, Rian turned down the volume, only to hear that Dylen had started to
hum along.  "You like STP?"  Rian asked.


	"They're one of my favorite bands." was Dylen subdued reply.  Rian
increased the volume and Dylen resumed humming.  He didn't realize it, but
it had been a long time.


***


	Rian sat down and opened his laptop.  He clicked open his journal,
entered the password, and began typing.

	May 7, 2004 -

	Rian first entered some details of his workout that morning and
then typed on:



	I was feeling great about the day, until late this evening.  I was
a few miles from home when I ran into Dylen Mason.  He'd had an accident on
the road coming to our parents' houses.  Something about trying to miss a
dog, he said.  I helped him with his car and got him home, but something's
really wrong with him.


	Every word out of his mouth was as if it came from a perfect
stranger, instead of the person I grew up around.  Sure, people can change,
and granted I haven't really talked with him or even seen him in a year.
But, a man like Dylen, a man I have always thought so much of -- Hell.  Why
is it so hard to be honest here, I admire Dylen Mason and what life has in
store for him.  -- change so radically from the character I always saw in
him.


	It was really scary, like the way Brock sounded just before that
day.  Standing there with Dylen, I saw it all happening again.  I know they
believe it was drugs with Brock, but I know better.  I know exactly why he
did it, and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for my part in it.  I
pushed him, pushed him so hard . . . But whatever it was that drove Brock
to do it, I'll never believe that its drugs with Dylen.  How can somebody
with as much going for him as Dylen has be so depressed?  Of course, all
the guys on the floor thought the same thing about Brock.  Only I knew the
truth.


	When Dylen screamed over the gas, I honestly believe he would have
done it then, if he'd been alone or had a gun.  I promised myself - I
promised him standing there that last time -- never again.  I will not let
it happen to Dylen.  I've already let one friend blow his brains out
without even saying a word.  I was too involved in myself before to see it,
but not now.  It won't happen again.  Not to Dylen.  He's got too much to
live for.


	Before I left the Mason's, I asked Dylen's dad if I could come over
to see him tomorrow morning and he agreed.  I need to make arrangements to
pay for that gas leak, whatever it is, whether I did it or not.  At least,
it will give me a chance to see what I can do for Dylen.  One thing's for
certain.  The Dylen I knew is gone.  I've got to help him get back."


	Rian closed the screen as a tear ran down his cheek.  The worst
week in his young life replayed as he sat there.  He saw it all again
. . . The blood soaked mattress . . . Police . . .  Funeral . . . Carrying
Brock's casket to the graveside. . . The hollow sound of dirt hitting a
concrete vault . . . A cold granite stone.


	Not again.

***

	The lights snapped out as Dylen's mom left the room and closed the
door.  Dylen lay in his bed.  It took a half hour of poking, prodding, and
questioning from his parents before they were satisfied that he was indeed
OK.  But, there was something wrong with him.  It occurred to him as he sat
listening to that song in Rian's car.  He couldn't shake the voice in his
head that he'd been listening to when the wreck had happened.  If he ever
called it a voice, they'd lock him up as schizophrenic; besides it wasn't
really a voice.  It was more of a drive, something pulling him along into
what?  He really didn't know until tonight.  Suicide.  Listening to that
song and realizing that he'd honestly been considering it, scared Dylen.
But, the shadow was always there.  'It's here right now,' Dylen thought.


	It had taken tonight's events with Rian for Dylen to come to the
realization that he was no longer the person he had been a year ago.  The
voice had changed him, turned him.  But, he was changed.  He was different
fundamentally from what his parents, and everyone else, thought he was.  Is
this what it really means to be this way?  If he gave in to his feelings,
was it a sentence of continual loneliness or was it that electric thrill he
felt with Rian tonight?  There was no one to turn to, no one to help him.
He couldn't figure out what to do.  What if all this happens again, only
this time Rian isn't there?


	Dylen needed a release badly.  Something to help him feel good,
even for a few moments.  The images of Rian came back to his mind.  Rian
had been so nice, so understanding when he didn't have to be.  He could
have just called his father to come and help him, but Rian had stayed with
him and helped every step of the way.  He'd taken charge when Dylen could
barely think for himself.  Then the picture of Rian first coming into the
light popped into his mind, that first moment of recognition.  God, he was
huge.  So beautiful.  Flawless.  There was nothing that such beauty could
not do.  Then, Dylen's mind raced over images he saw the rest of the
evening -- after pushing the car, the ride home, helping him inside to his
parents.  Dylen had become entranced as he watched every flexion of Rian's
body.  If there really was an ultimate man, he'd just seen him.  So strong,
so perfect.  Dylen reached inside his boxers for his hardening dick.


	Dylen saw the triceps flexed above his head again.  Then he saw
Rian step back and take off his shirt.  Rian started flexing his muscles,
flexing his muscles just for him.  There was a glow of sweat and a nodded
invitation.  He could almost smell the pungent salty musk coating his
vision in a surreal shine.  Dylen reached out to touch the warm . . .

	Wet . . .

	Hard . . . flesh.

	Another instantly eternal moment had begun.