Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2010 11:43:45 +1300
From: Saving Zach <savingzach@gmail.com>
Subject: Saving Zach - Chapter One

DISCLAIMER:

This story is a work of fiction and is not in any way based on real events.
It contains sexually orientated material between two teenage boys and
explicit language.  If you are not allowed to read this kind of material in
your country or state then please navigate away from this page. Any
similarity between the characters and events in this story to actual events
and people is purely coincidental.

COPYRIGHT:

This story is the sole property of the Author and may not be re-posted
anywhere else without specific permission from the Author. The Author
maintains full rights to all of the characters, etc in the story.  This
material has been copyrighted and any infractions will incur legal action.

Copyright 2010 Tyler Chapman, All rights reserved.

FEED BACK:

I really appreciate feedback my email address is: savingzach@gmail.com
so feel free to email me with any feedback, questions or comments about the
story.  Please try and be kind as this is my first attempt at writing, I
realise there may be mistakes but I have tried my best to write a story
that people will enjoy.



Saving Zach - Chapter 1



I opened the door to my house, threw my bag on the floor and leapt onto my
bed burying my head into my pillow. School hadn't been bad today, just a
normal day at a normal school with normal classes. He had been there of
course, he was there every day. But it didn't bother me much; me and the
majority of the female population of my school had liked him for as long as
I could remember. So I was used to the constant yearning. Some days the
yearning was worse, those days I would just want to stride on up to him and
say "Look Zach I know you're not gay, and even if you were you wouldn't be
interested in me.  But I have to tell you for my own mind to be at ease, I
LOVE YOU!". I never actually did say that, come on, that would take way
more guts than I had.

I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. It was an old ceiling
with those ancient boards crossing it making squares. My whole house is
old-style in general. Our property is separated into three houses all in
close proximity to each other. There was the "Big House" where the rest of
the family lived, the "Middle House" which was where I lived and the
"Cottage" which was un-occupied. Now, my house wasn't some massive house,
it was like a "Granny Flat" (I hated calling it that), it just had a room
with a bathroom. I loved it none the less; the privacy was great, no
annoying parents interrupting during important moments...

I often lied on bed looking at the ceiling wishing there was some hot guy,
Zach, lying next to me. That was never the case. But, hey, there's no harm
in wishin'.

My stomach started grumbling so I got up and started walking over to the
big house to get something to eat. I had mowed the lawn a day earlier so it
was brittle under my feat as I walked over it. Our kitchen was modest,
nothing spectacular, just the usual kitchen I suppose. I opened the panty
and looked everything over, there was plenty of food but it all required at
least 10 minutes of preparation which I could not be bothered with. The
only alternative was something from the fruit bowl which sat directly in
the centre of the dining room table; I grabbed an apple and started eating
it whilst feeling pleased with myself for eating healthy. Zach would be
proud I thought to myself with a smile, it quickly turned to a frown
because it only reminded me that Zach wasn't my boyfriend. He wasn't even a
friend, I couldn't even be sure he knew I existed.

I planned on putting some music on really loudly to distract myself from
the lonely feeling that was circulating through my body like some kind of
poison. Loud music and crazy dancing usually did the trick and brought me
out of whatever sadness I was in, just letting loose and waving my arms and
legs about was liberating as was the laughter that came as a result of me
imagining what I would have looked like dancing crazily in the middle of
the lounge to someone walking up the driveway. Just to be sure I checked
that nobody was walking up the driveway before moving to the stereo system
to put some music on. My finger was a few centimetres away from the Play
button when the phone started ringing, I silently said to myself This
better be Nate or whoever it is will be shouted at for daring to interrupt
me even though the person would have no way of knowing I was about to crazy
dance. I just didn't like being interrupted.

"Helloo" I said with a mouthful of apple.

"Hey..." came Nate's bored voice. I sighed, it WAS Nate. That was good, if
dancing crazily failed to make me feel better then talking to Nate always
did. Just hearing his bored voice in itself made me feel a better, it's
hard to explain but Nate and I are such good friends and he knows so much
about me that I never need to explain myself to him. He just knows exactly
how I am feeling and what I am thinking without me actually having to say
anything to him. Most of the time this was good but on occasion it becomes
annoying. Like now, for example, he would know that I was feeling alone and
depressed without me even mentioning it to him.

"I was hoping it would be you, I was about to do some crazy dancing" I
said. Nate knew all about my crazy dancing, he had been exposed to it on so
many occasions that it was just a normal behaviour for me from his point of
view.

"Don't let him get to down Jess" Nate said `'...God knows how many times I
have sat in this spot with the phone pressed against my ear listening to
you cry over him. It's not healthy and you know it''. He wasn't trying to
be mean, just truthful. Nate really had been on the receiving end of my
`Zach Babble', as he calls it, too many times to count.

"I know" I sighed `'...I try to block him out and get on with life but it's
like he is burned into the centre of my mind and everything revolves around
him''

"I know Jess, I really do and I get it but you have to be realistic...there
are plenty of other nice guys out there who would love to be with you" Nate
said.

I knew there were other guys who wanted me but they didn't compare to Zach,
he was in a league of his own. A league that I didn't come close to, he was
at the top of the pyramid and I was at the bottom.  Things like a
relationship between Zach and I just did not happen. It was like a law of
nature; someone like Zach was never in a relationship with someone like
me. I had repeated that to myself so many times in a desperate bid to get
over him but it didn't work, nothing I tried could stop me liking Zach. I
even tried some magic spells I had read on the internet but the only thing
they did was make me feel stupid and pathetic.

"Yeah but...'' I whispered in exasperation as I sat down on the sofa. I had
finished my apple and threw it out into the kitchen into the recycling
bin. Zach would be pro ­ I cut myself off mid thought. I HAD to stop
thinking things like that.

"But what Jess? You are a good looking guy, you just need to get out and be
seen. You can't expect to find a guy if you spend all your time at home''
Nate said. If it had come from anyone else I would have hung up but from
Nate I accepted it, he was right of course. I couldn't expect to find a guy
if I didn't put myself out there but it wasn't that simple. I didn't have a
lot of confidence and going to a club was more of a nightmare to me than
something enjoyable. The thought of dancing with a whole lot of random
people rubbing up against me made me shiver, I would rather sit by myself
than go and do something like that. I wasn't confident enough with myself;
I was riddled with too much self doubt to be in a place like that.

Before I could respond Nate continued `'How bout we go clubbing this
weekend? I know you HATE it and I hate it too but it will do us both some
good to get out. You're not the only single one remember? I need to find
myself a guy too; I'm just more open to different guys than you. I'm not
hell bent on acquiring the most un-acquirable guy in the entire fucking
school''

I had something smart to say but forgot it before it had the chance to come
out of my mouth so I just groaned loud enough so Nate could hear. He was
gay too but wasn't obsessed with getting Zach like I was; we liked
different kinds of guys. He liked the `independent thinking' quirky guys
while I liked the gorgeous straight jock type. It's not hard to guess who
was most likely to succeed in getting their dream guy.

`'It's settled then, we will go clubbing on Saturday night. You pick me up
at 10pm, Ok?'' Nate asked. He didn't have a car or a driving license which
meant it was either me or his parents that drove him to and from places. He
was old enough to have his full license but claimed that he was `too
scared' to drive.  Personally I think he was just to lazy to study and take
the test, especially when he could avoid paying for petrol and car
maintenance by getting other people to drive him where he needed to go.

I groaned again but managed to say yes. I could see Nate's satisfied smiled
as if he was sitting directly in front of me.

"Cool. You just wait and see Jess, guys will be all over you'' he said.
What he failed to mention was the fact that those guys would be the exact
opposite of what I was looking for. I wanted a guy who was a guy not a guy
who acted like a girl and pranced around the place with a lisp and a
handbag. I would rather be with a girl than a guy like that.

"Anyways I gotta go, see you tomorrow" he said `'...and Jess?''

''What?'' I responded

`'Try not to cry yourself to sleep wishing Zach was lying next to you and
don't take more sleeping pills than you were prescribed. The last time you
did that you slept for 18 hours''

`'Ok ok, I won't take more pills than prescribed but I can't say that I
won't cry myself to sleep'' I said.  Nate was the only person I would even
consider admitting that I cried myself to sleep to, it made me feel so
pathetic and weak but I couldn't help it. Some nights were easier than
others, but more often than not Zach was the last thought on my mind before
sleep finally claimed me.

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow" Nate said before hanging up. Shit. What the
fuck had I got myself into, clubbing was the last thing I wanted to do on a
Saturday night but I just agreed to it. What the fuck was I thinking? Nate
had a way of making things sound much better than they really were. Yeah,
that was it, Nate's ability to make things sound better than they were. Or
was it that I was so desperate for someone that I was willing to put myself
through something as traumatic as clubbing?

I left the phone on the sofa and headed back over to my little house. It
was winter so in that small period of time it took me to talk to Nate and
eat an apple it had gotten darker, not so dark that I couldn't see where I
was going but dark enough that I walked faster in case somebody attacked
me. The dark always scared me, I was paranoid that someone or something was
going to emerge from the shadows and do away with me. That never happened
but it didn't stop me worrying about it and keeping a hunting knife under
my pillow.

A few seconds later when I arrived at my house I quickly locked the door
and threw the mass of keys into the middle of the room. I learned that if I
left them in the centre of the room they were easier to find. I used to
hide them to make myself feel better but almost always forgot where I had
hidden them, thus me throwing them into the centre of the room originated.
I closed all of my curtains precisely so that it was impossible for anyone
to see inside and took my t-shirt and jeans off leaving just my boxer-
briefs. People usually slept with some kind of top on during winter but I
had an electric blanket and three duvets so I was always warm.

I grabbed my sleeping pills and took 4 (even though only prescribed 2) and
chuckled to myself as I swallowed them because I could imagine Nate's
shocked expression that I had so blatantly defied him after saying that I
would only take the prescribed amount. I just wanted the blackness of
sleep, the only place where I could escape the pain of unrequited love.
Sometimes I dreamt about Zach and how we were together and in love, I
cherished those dreams because it was as close as I was ever going to get
to the real thing. I had tried many times to have a lucid dream about him
but it was too difficult and required more concentration and patience than
I had.

I wrapped my blankets around me and switched my electric blanket off
because it had already heated the bed up from when I had switched it on
earlier, Mum slept with hers on but I was always scared mine would set
itself on fire and I would burn to death in my sleep. The double dose of
sleeping pills did their job, a little bit too effectively because when I
woke up tangled in my duvet the morning sun burst through through the
windows on the east side of my house. I had different curtains on each
window and the ones on the biggest set of windows on the east side were
purple [I know, gay, but I didn't choose them. Mum did] and didn't block
much light out so once I woke up it was almost impossible to go back to
sleep.

I lay there for a few minutes before sliding out from under the blankets
and onto my feet. I had a feeling that it was later in the morning than
usual because of how bright the sun was and was stunned to find it was 10
O'clock! I shouted several obscenities as I rushed into the bathroom and
turned the shower on.

School started at 8.30am and it usually took me about an hour to get ready
so that meant I had missed three classes and had THREE TEACHERS TO DEAL
WITH. I showered in half my usual time and pretty much flew over the lawn
to the big house to get some clothes out of the dryer and some food. It was
a banana that I chose and devoured in a few bites.

I grabbed car keys and bag and went out into the garage and got into my
car. I loved my car, it was a 1990 Celica 2 Seater Red Coupe. I plugged my
iPod into the stereo system and started Let's Hear It for My Boy. I didn't
usually listen to such gay music but was in an upbeat mood and didn't
really want my ears bashed with some heavy metal like most mornings.

As I was driving in to school I had to go through some road works. I hadn't
expected this but I didn't think much of it, both my windows were down so
the people working the road could easily hear my music. It didn't even
cross my mind that any of them would get angry with the music I was playing
but because the speed limit was 20km/hr the really got an ear full as it
took me a while to make my way through. A few of the men working on the
side of the road scowled at me as if I had personally offended them but I
didn't think much of it as I continued on to school.

I arrived at the student car park with a Linkin Park song playing, it went
in direct contradiction with what I wanted to hear but I left it on just in
case Zach was by some random chance in the car park and heard it, there was
no way I wanted him to hear Let's Hear It For My Boy and knew he liked
Linkin Park because I had heard him talk about them once in Advanced
Calculus. The sound was blaring out the windows and anyone within 30 meters
could have heard it clearly.

As I was scouring the car park for a spare place I saw his car. Yes, his. I
was so busy staring at his car that I almost collided with the school
librarian (who on Thursday would be the school student car park warden. She
would Issue tickets to all cars without a student ID number and special
sticker signed by the principal on the windscreen). I swerved and past the
librarian who looked like she wanted to physically assault me and continued
closer to Zach's car hoping there would be a free space next to it.  To my
stunned disbelief there WAS a free park directly next to his car. I revved
my engine and using my totally amazing parking skills (if you knew me you
would be laughing uncontrollably at this) to park next to his car. It took
me a few minutes to get it just right which coincided nicely with the
librarian leaving the car park.

I turned the engine off and checked my hair in the rear view mirror. It was
fine. I had to make sure that I was at least presentable because Zach would
be in the first class I attended as I had missed the first three. I grabbed
my bag and my books that I would need for the remainder of that day (my car
sufficed for a locker. We had lockers at our school. But they weren't like
the ones you see on TV. They were like little wooden boxes attached to a
wall about the size of a little mailbox). I unplugged my iPod from the car
audio system and plugged my head phones into it and selected shuffle, the
song that came on was Beautiful Day. I had no idea just how much of a
beautiful day it would be.

The class I ended up having at the time I arrived was Advanced Calculus. It
was one my favourites, mainly because Zach was in it. You are probably
shocked to hear that the captain of the high school baseball team and all
round jock was in an Advanced Calculus class and I was shocked too, at
first. I remembered the day vividly; I was sitting with Nate talking loudly
about how much I disliked the teacher [who was not in the room at the time]
when I saw Zach's ripped and totally stunning body walk into the room. I
was pretty much paralysed as I gazed at him, his swirly blue eyes swept
past mine as he laughed at something his friend was saying. There was a
shimmer of recognition and something else in his eyes as they swept past
mine but I was too stunned to dwell on it. I found out later that his Dad
was really good friends with the teacher Mrs Harleth and she let him in
because of some arrangement they had. I heard him saying in a conversation
with one of his friends that he needs Advanced Calculus for a course in Uni
he wants to do. I, on the other hand, took Advanced Calculus because I
loved it. Crazy I know.  There was something about calculus that I just
loved. I wasn't a nerd or a geek, I just liked that there was an answer to
Calculus problems. You just had to know how to figure it out. There wasn't
any if's, why's and maybe's just an answer.

Unfortunately it was already quarter of the way through the class so there
would no inconspicuous arrival; I would have to walk in front of the entire
class and Mrs Harleth to get to where Nate and I usually sat. I was not
looking forward to it, at all; I dreaded having to be in front of people
and typically avoided situations like that at all costs. In my first year
of high school if I was late for a class I simply would not go so as to
avoid walking into the room full of people who would undoubtedly stare at
me as I made my way in front them to a seat. This fear of being in front of
people caused trouble when it came to speeches in English class, not for me
but for the teacher. I just flat out refused to do speeches, it meant I
missed out on credits but there was absolutely no way I was going to get up
in front of a class full of people and talk. I didn't give a shit about the
consequences. By the time I reached my current year which was
coincidentally my senior year the teachers were used to not asking me to
talk in front of the class of give speeches, however, I had overcome my
fear of walking in late.

"Remember to depress the quintric first if possible. Also, you will not be
able to find the roots to anything above order 5. This is because of whose
theorem Mr. Jordan?" I heard Mrs. Harleth asking Zach as I bounced my way
into the room.

As I walked in she forgot about what she was asking and gave me her death
gaze, it really was a death gaze. I'm sure if a child was confronted with
it they would either die or go into a coma for several years.

"And what time do you call this?" she hissed at me. I didn't really care
what she had to say because I wasn't frightened of her, even though she was
an imposing and intimidating person I had long got over my fear of her.
This being the case I still didn't want a detention so I did my best to
smile apologetically at her. She kept hissing things at me; it was almost
like she was talking pastletongue [for the Harry Potter fans out there].

I pretended that I couldn't hear her and jived my way to my seat, I still
had my headphones on and iPod going so I had a little dance going on. I
could hear a few people chuckling and whispers but I was unphased by it, I
found myself hilarious and was to busy mentally laughing at myself to care
about what anyone else thought.

"MR WILLIAMS THIS IS NOT A DANCE CLASS! IF YOU WISH TO DANCE THEN I WILL BE
MORE THAN HAPPY TO GIVE YOU DETENTION AND YOU CAN DANCE YOUR WAY THERE" she
shouted. I couldn't pretend I didn't hear that so I took my headphones out
and looked up into her eyes. Not many people did this because of her `death
stare' but I wasn't bothered with it and held her gaze. It was best for me
to just apologise than have a drawn out argument with her and I didn't want
detention.

`'Oh, sorry Mrs Harleth...'' I said in my best apologetic tone `'...I had
to take my brother to school''.

Nate was laughing because of my dancing and because he knew I didn't have a
brother.

`'And that took you three hours?'' she retorted.

I shrugged `'Well, you see, my car doors have these lights on them which
stay on if I leave one of the doors open and I accidentally left one open
last night and because the light was on all night my battery was way
drained and the car would start so I had to hook it up to a charger which
almost exploded because I did it wrong then my brother started crying...''

`'ALRIGHT, I have heard enough...'' Mrs Harleth said cutting me off
`'...maybe Mr Williams if you were half as intelligent as you think you are
you would have remembered to shut the door and you would have made it on
time''

I heard a few people go `ooooooo' in that tone that only comes about when
something completely gossip worthy has happened. Even though intelligence
has little to do with forgetting to close a car door it still pissed me off
that she had said it. I smiled happily back at her and shrugged again,
letting her win this little fight was the easiest way out of trouble. She
would be smug for the rest of the lesson but that was bearable compared to
an hour of detention with detention people.

Nate smiled over at me "Where have you been?" he whispered.

"A little complication with my sleeping pills" I whispered back. I
immediately regretted it because Nate took my pills much more seriously
than I did so I would no doubt be lectured on proper `pill taking
procedure' at lunch time.

"I told you not to fuck around with those fucking sleeping pills Jesse" he
said. I could see in his eyes that he was really concerned and I couldn't
help feeling guilty, making Nate worried wasn't one of my favourite things
to do. I hated seeing him get that look in his eyes that I was seeing right
then.

"Sorry" I said hurriedly `'...I wasn't looking''. That was a complete lie
and both of us new it but thankfully he left it at that, for then. I knew I
could be hearing about it later.

"You might not wake up the next day. And besides, who's gunna stare at Zach
all period if you're not here" he said shielding himself from the
inevitable punch to the arm. I blushed even though I knew that nobody had
heard. It was true, I spent most of the period stealing every possible
glance I could at Zach.  It wouldn't have been surprised if I developed
some kind of neck problem with the amount of times I turned my head to see
him. Keep in mind all of these glances were extremely stealthy, I'm
positive he had no idea I was doing it.

Mrs Harleth seemed to have forgotten about the entire me being late thing
as she began to hand out worksheets. That was the good thing about her; she
had the memory of a sieve. Today's work was on Fourier's expansion. Just
looking at the formula was daunting, there were so many symbols and even
though I knew everyone of them I also knew it would require a lot of button
pressing on the calculator. I had a graphics calculator which I believed
was the only reason I had done so well in Mathematics the year before. It
did pretty much everything for me.

Nate and I worked in silence until there was ten minutes before the end of
class which is when I felt him nudging my foot under the desk. I look over
at him and he moved his head ever so slightly in the direction of Zach
whilst still pretending to do work.

I looked over to see what he was trying to signal and saw Zach staring
directly at me. Our eyes met for a millisecond then he dropped his gaze to
his desk, in that millisecond I saw something in his eyes, something that
my heart wanted so badly to believe but that my mind was to afraid to
accept out of fear. My mind didn't want to accept it out of fear that it
wasn't true, out of fear that my eyes were playing tricks on me. So many
times I had caught Zach stealing glances in my direction but each time I
had put it down to coincidence, this time was different, this time when our
eyes connected for that millisecond I saw my longing returned in his
eyes. It felt like I was cracking open with disbelief at what I had seen
but it wasn't long before self doubt made an ugly appearance convincing me
that it was coincidence. After all, why would Zach want me? Why would Zach
look at me like that?

The bell rung and everyone started packing their bags; I shoved everything
in my bag as quickly as I could, putting my headphones on at the same
time. I didn't really care what song it was I just wanted loud noise and I
wanted it fast. I needed to get out of that class, out into the fresh air
so I could think about what had happened. My mind was racing with so many
thoughts that I was lost in it, my body just walking on auto-pilot. With my
mind elsewhere I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around
me just the general direction I was going in.

A few steps out of the door a body came crashing down on top of me, I don't
quite know how it happened or for what reason but to this day I will be
thankful for it. I tried to shove the body off mine but it was way too
heavy and I was way too weak, I started swearing and cussing at whoever was
on top of me. And believe me when I started swearing and cussing it ain't
pretty, some horrifyingly nasty stuff comes out my mouth when I'm angry.
Finally the body stood and turned looking down at me, it was Zach.

`'Dude I'm so sorry'' he said offering his hand to help me stand. I wanted
so badly to grab that strong hand of his but I was also worried that he
might sense how I really felt about him. The fact that he could know all of
my feelings simply by touching me made perfect sense at the time and I
couldn't let it happen. It would be too devastatingly embarrassing for me
if he knew how I felt about him.

Zach noticed my hesitation and looked a hurt `'It's Ok Jess, I'm not going
to hurt you'' he said boring into me with those gorgeous swirling blue eyes
of his.

Those eyes could get me to do anything and before I knew my hand was in his
and I was standing in front of him. Some people are so fucking beautiful
and hot and gorgeous that when you see them words leave you and so does
your breath, Zach was one of those people. And true to the words I just
wrote my breath went rushing out of my lungs and words refused to come. We
just stood there staring at each other until Nate [God bless that boy]
tapped me on my shoulder and reminded me we had to go to physics. I assumed
that meant he wanted me to go with him, but no, instead Nate walked off
towards Physics leaving me with Zach. So much anger came surging out of my
eyes I wouldn't have been surprised if burned holes in the wall.
Unfortunately for Zach he caught sight of this anger which he assumed was
directed at him.

`'Anyone would think you didn't want to be left alone with me'' Zach said
still smiling that smile of his. I didn't really know how to respond to
that so I chose instead to remind him we had to go Physics.

`'We'd better go to Physics'' I said before walking in the direction of the
Physics room. Zach looked disappointed as he followed me to Physics, he
also looked frustrated. Like he was angry at himself for doing something
wrong, I didn't have time to figure out what that was because we arrived at
Physics. I was about to walk in the door when I felt Zach's hand wrap
around my wrist pulling me back into the middle of the hall.

This was beyond my level of coping ability. For a few seconds I just stared
at his hand in total disbelief. I just could not believe that he had just
grabbed my wrist. His hand was warm but not sweaty, I can't even describe
how electrifying it was to have him touch me. It was like there was actual
tangible electricity flowing between us. I stood there frozen not having
the slightest clue as to how I should act or what I should say.

I shut my eyes and counted to ten whilst taking several deep breaths is a
desperate bid to calm myself down. I opened my eyes to see yet again Zach's
beautiful face staring back at me. The calming effect of my deep breathing
and counting to ten vanished in that instant, I could barely function. This
might seem an over reaction to you but for me to be standing there in
physical contact with Zach which I had been dreaming about for five years
it was just too much.

"I'm not gunna hurt you Jesse, I just need to tell you some stuff?" Zach
said, he sounded and looked nervous.

I gathered myself, trying to look dignified instead of like some foolish
schoolgirl standing in front of her crush;

"Ok, where do you wanna go?'' I asked. I was more than a little bit
impressed with how calm my voice was, I was constantly amazing myself.

Zach seemed to remember that he was still gripping my wrist and quickly let
it go, the electricity stopped and my whole body was consumed with the need
to have contact with him again. I just wanted to be in his arms. Wrapped up
in his arms. I sighed, that was impossible. Whatever this was about it
wasn't going to be that, he probably wanted my help with Calculus and even
though I was in love with him I would refuse to be his tutor for two
reasons. The first reason is that being a tutor is nerdy and I AM NOT a
nerd, I just liked calculus. I wasn't particularly amazing at it, Nate was
much better than me. The second reason being that if I was to be in a
situation like that with just Zach I would spend the whole time freaking
out and never get any tutoring done. Tutoring the Jock I thought bitterly
to myself, it sounded too much like some pathetic love story thought up by
a 13 year old nerd with no friends. No, I definitely would NOT be tutoring
anyone especially Zach Jordan.

`'I know a place'' he said smiling his dazzling smile at me `'...just
follow me''.

I nodded and followed him out of the hall and onto the field. PE class had
already begun and there were people meandering around the field waiting for
the teacher to give them instructions, half of them were wearing yellow
t-shirts and the other half red t-shirts. Zach kept walking past all the
students until we were nearing the end of the field where the only things
around were trees, there was one massive tree that I particularly liked. I
would often go and sit at the base of it if I was having a bad day and just
dream.  The field was so massive and the PE class so far away that there
was no way they could hear us. And if we sat on the other side of the tree
they wouldn't able to see us either, I didn't know if I preferred that
because I was still worried about what exactly Zach wanted.

He was waiting for me at the bottom of one of the big oaks. He looked so
stunning in the mid day sun. I could see his abs through his t-shirt as he
sat down at the bottom of the massive trunk. God, this boy was breath
taking. Sitting beneath this tree that twisted up out of the ground as if
God himself had pulled it upwards was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen
as if he too was created especially by God.  I'm not a religious person but
seeing Zach made me a believer, how could someone so perfect not be created
by God. It was as if Zach himself had fallen out of heaven, I was quite
sure that there was no more attractive person in the Universe than Zach.

I sat down next to him in silence.

"It's nice back here in the sun, don't ya think?" he asked.

"Yeah...it's nice" I said. I already knew how nice it was because I had sat
in the very same spot as him on so many occasions over my five years at
that school that I had lost count. I didn't want him to know that though
because it would make me look even more pathetic. How? I don't know. I just
didn't want him to know.

"You don't say much do you?" Zach asked. He was trying to sound calm but I
could sense that he was nervous; he was playing with the strap on his
back-pack.

"Well, I'm kinda wondering why it is you brought me all the way back here"
I said trying to sound friendly. I was so confused; I didn't know what to
make of the situation so I just sat there in silence after I had spoken
waiting for him to say something.

Zach looked into my eyes "You can go back if you want" he said attempting
to mask the hurt in his voice.  None of this was making any sense to me but
I knew that if I left I would never find out why he wanted to be alone with
me at the back of the field.

"No no I like it" I said. And I did, it was certainly better than sitting
in Physics class.

"Jess, I'm not going to hurt you" he said in regards to the distance I had
put between him and myself. I moved over so we were both leaning against
the trunk side by side. Both of our legs were lying flat and straight
directly out in front of us. I put my hands in my pockets and Zach
continued to play with the strap of his back-pack.

"I'm not trying to say that I don't like it here Zach. I just don't get why
you brought out here, alone, when you I'm gay and what people would say if
they saw us". I needed to say this, I couldn't relax and sit there, I had
to know.

"Who cares what they say. Since when do you care what people say?" Zach
demanded.

"I don't care because I've got nothing to lose, but you have everything to
lose. Think about it, you're the captain of the 1 ranked Baseball team this
half of the country, people are always watching what you do and hangin'
around with a gay guy is not something they're gunna be to happy about!" I
shouted at him

"SO FUCKING WHAT!..." he shouted `'...SINCE WHEN DID YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE
THINK OF ME?''

How the fuck was I supposed to respond to that? Tell him that I love him
more than life itself and that THAT is the reason I care? Tell him that I
just want to know why he brought me back to that tree, after all that is
the whole reason all this was happening. Because Zach brought me back to
this tree.

I sat there and looked at him as his body convulsed with emotion and did
the only thing I knew how to do, love him. I reached over and gently placed
my hand in between his shoulder blades. He didn't move, he kept crying
folded up into his knees. His back was so warm and I could feel his muscles
through his thin cotton shirt, contracting every now and again as he cried.

I began rubbing gently around the area where I had placed my hand, trying
to let him know through my touch that I was there for him. I wanted to take
the pain out through his skin and into me through my palm, I knew I
couldn't, but I just hated seeing him this way.

He breathing became steadier and more relaxed. I couldn't hear the soft sob
in voice that was there before. It was time to talk and we both knew it. He
leaned back from his knees and rested against the trunk again while
stretching his legs back out alongside mine.

"You make me feel weird" he spoke softly as he looked out onto the field
`'...I don't know how else to explain it. You just make me feel all weird''

Yet again I had no clue as to what to say, I mean there really isn't much
to say to something like that.  Oh, thanks Zach, you make me feel weird
too?

He sighed deeply as if there was more he wanted to say but that he was too
scared to say it. I knew that I would have to speak first, to put him at
ease.

`'You make me feel weird too'' I said. I winced at how stupid of a response
that was; I couldn't believe I had said something so ridiculous.

Zach looked over at me quizzically `'I guess we make each other feel weird
then?'' he said laughing at himself. I laughed too, it was quite
funny. Although I knew what the `weird' feeling was, it was love. At least
I knew it was love on my part, I didn't know if Zach's `weird' was the same
as mine but I hoped it was. I was so close to just blurting out how much I
loved him, how I had always loved him and would continue to for the rest of
my life but I didn't. I was too much of a coward to just say it.

"Zach" I said softly, pleading, desperate "please just tell me why you
brought me out here. I know I don't deserve being fucked around. It's just
not fair. So please tell me" I said looking into his eyes. They were no
longer beaming into me but confused and wet.

Zach breathed deeply and looked me directly in the eyes "I don't know why I
brought you out here Jess.

I just like being around you. And I wanted to be alone with you so no one
else could get your attention. I just like you Jess, I like your smile and
your eyes, the way you light up every room you go into. I could sit and
watch you for the rest of my life and I would die happy...'' he paused to
gauge my reaction but realised he was beyond the point of no return and
continued `'...when you're around you make my heart jump, I get energized,
and I get happy about life. And when I look at you I know that I feel
something, I just don't know what it is. It's not the same as what I feel
when I look at girls, it's different but in a good way. It confuses me Jess
because I don't know what to do about it and I have wanted you to love me
back so much that it kills me every time I see you. I am confused. I know
your gay, maybe I am but I don't fucken know. I don't feel attracted to any
other guys, I'm only physically attracted to girls, but with you Jess I
love everything. What does that make me?" he finished.

I was speechless. I was so shocked that I cannot print it in English. My
dreams had come true, and I was standing there dumbfounded. Now that this
had actually happened I didn't know what to do, I was afraid that if I
spoke I might wake up. Things like this just did not happen in real life. I
had read stories where it had happened but they were just stories, not
real. They were written because of the very fact that it did not happen
like that in real life. That is why people read them, to get a small
whisper of a feeling of what it might actually be like. But here I was, in
the real world with Zach who had just told me he loved me. It had
happened. How? No idea, but it HAD happened and that was the main thing.

"I don't know what you are Zach. Only you can answer that" I replied, it
sounded more philosophical that I intended but got the point across.

Zach reached over to grab my hand and when he did all of my mental barriers
just crashed down, it was like a mental explosion. This was it. I knew it,
the time had come for me to tell him. To tell Zachary Jordan how I felt.

"ZACHARY JORDAN. I LOVE YOU TOO YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH. How the fuck
could I not love you.  Haven't you seen me staring at you every fucken day,
I live and breathe for you Zachary. I love you so much that it is painful
just to see you walk past me because I know that I can never be with you,
I've prayed every night for the past five years that you would love me
back" I said.

"Well you can if you want" he said tenderly `'...be with me, I mean''

There it was; Zachary Jordan had just offered himself to me. He actually
wanted to be with me. I could have screamed out of sheer excitement and
happiness but that would not be the most appropriate way to start a
relationship with Zach. I would have to gradually expose him to my crazy
until he became used to it. How odd it felt to sit there thinking about how
I might slowly expose my crazy to Zach, it was like some kind of bizarre
fantasy but real.

`'Zach, Oh My God, there is honestly NOTHING I would like more in this
world that to be with you. I can't believe this is happening, it is, isn't
it?'' I looked over at him.

He smiled really big and nodded `'Yeah this is really happening. Are you
sure you want to be with me though?''. There was innocence to the way he
asked the question, like a kid asking an adult a question.

Except there was no kid and no adult, just Zach and I sitting side by side
under a tree talking and holding hands.

`'Zach, I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life'' I stated
bluntly so that he would get that I really meant it.

`'...cause if we start bein together then you decide you don't wanna be
together anymore...I don't think I could handle that Jess'' he said softly
`'...it's gotta be forever or nothin''

I felt the exact same way; I knew that if this was going to happen it would
have to be forever because if he stopped loving me I would die. If not just
instantly then I would kill myself. To have Zach then not to have him would
be more pain that I could bare. Literally, I'm not joking in the
slightest. I would die.

I loved the feeling of Zach's hand on mine but I didn't want to push the
physical contact in case it was too soon, he would have to be the one to
make the next move, physically.

`'Forever Zach, I want to be with you forever...'' I said `'...I would die
Zach if you stopped loving me after today. I would literally die, I
couldn't handle having your love then not having it''

He smiled confidently `'Well don't worry about that Jess because I can
promise you that you will always have my love. Always''

I nodded and smiled. I realised that I had never been happier in life than
I was at that moment.  Everything had fallen into place, albeit in the most
odd fashion, but that fact that it had was what mattered.

We sat there looking at each other, drinking each other in. Then Zach just
picked me up off the ground and pulled me into a hug, the electricity
surged from him body into mine. This was right, this was how it was
supposed to be. It was as if at that very moment our souls touched, I felt
like I could stand there in his arms forever. It was like there were sparks
in the air around us, it felt like there should be a parade just to
symbolise how powerful the bond between us was. The whole town should give
us a parade I thought, they should. This moment was so amazing, so
astonishing that I felt like going and personally telling everyone in the
town just how awesome I felt. Telling them about how just touching Zach was
electrical, how this was my dream and it was actually true. That love like
the love we shared did come around all that often and that is was me, Jesse
Williams, and him, Zach Jordan, that were sharing it.

"I don't wanna let you go" I whispered into his ear. I DID NOT want to let
him go, there was so much energy and well, love, circulating between us
that I felt so ALIVE and awake. I had never felt like this before. There
was a whole new level of life I had just reached, I was on a higher
vibration and Zach was on it to. It was like I spent all of my life in the
darkness compared with how I felt at that moment.

"You don't have to'' he whispered back, almost pleading me not to. I had
waited so long, too long, for that moment that I wasn't going to. I was
just going to stand there in Zach's arms until I fell asleep. I don't know
how long we stood their, time was irrelevant, the fact was that finally I
was with Zach. All of the crying myself to sleep, all of the over
medicating myself, all of the complaining to Nate, all of the utter
yearning, all of it was over. This magical moment was burned into my mind
replacing the sorrow and pain with happiness and joy. It was honestly like
I had been reborn as this new person.

Eventually we had to face reality and head back to class, I was terrified
that once we left that field I would wake up or Zach would start laughing
and tell me it was all a joke. I did not want to leave him and I knew he
felt the same because all the way back to the other side of the field he
held my hand tightly like he was afraid I might run away. I would only ever
run away with Zach. Never without him.

"I'd better go" I said turning towards my class. I turned my head to say
goodbye over my shoulder but he grabbed my arm and pulled me in for one
passion filled kiss. I could feel the excitement behind it, it was like a
dam that was about to burst.

"Cya" he said as we parted lips

"Bye" I replied turning back toward my class.