Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005 12:43:01 -0800 (PST)
From: Adrian Anderson <birdofflame_587@yahoo.com>
Subject: Say You Love Me 14

"Say You Love Me""Say You Love Me"
Chapter 14-"The Confession"

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JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-THE CAR

Stacy: "Later guys...and-uh, don't tell anyone what happened, okay?"

Like we were all that thrilled about it. We had just pulled up in front of
Stacy's house and dropped her off. Now it was just the three of us guys in
the car, Brad, Josh and me. It was good to see that making conversation
wasn't as hard as it seemed before with Josh and Brad. After all, we had
PLENTY to talk about after Jessica's lashing out. It seemed like they were
well on their way to being friends, if they weren't already.

Josh: "Brad, I gotta say, I didn't know you were into girls like Jessica,
the bitch is bad!"

Brad: "Yeah, well, I'm not with her anymore-didn't know that she had it in
her to-do that."

Josh: "Me neither, she seemed like all bark and no bite to me."

Brad: "Oh, she bites, believe me."

Josh: "Hahah...yeah, I'll bet."

So NOT what I wanted to hear. The way they were laughing...it could only
mean one thing. Ugh... It dampened my mood. They were practically the ones
doing all the talking. I was glad when we pulled up to Josh's house and he
got out. At least the talk of Jessica dropped. But my thinking about her
didn't. I wondered...she was so pretty, and she she seemed to know exactly
how to get guys turned on and I was beginning to wonder, why did Brad dump
her? I mean, he didn't dump her for me, I knew that. He was single and we
just-happened. And it did worry me...a little. And then there was the fact
that she obviously wanted him back, and was willing to really try to get
him back with her. If it came down to it, who'd he choose, the super sexy
Jessica Warden or...me? Some choice...it was really depressing to think
about it. I mean if she was just the run of the mill whore, I'd understand,
but I got the feeling that she REALLY wanted him, the way she had lashed
out at Stacy proved it. Just when things were shaping up so great, psycho
girl had to make her debut in my life. I was shaken out of my thoughts when
I felt the car pull over.

"Huh, why are we stopping?"

Brad: "Something's wrong, you seem different from the boy I saw yelling out
from the crowd this afternoon. What's up?"

"It's no-"

Brad: "Nothing...don't you think I know you enough by now to tell when
you're lying?"

I sighed, might as well just talk and get it over with.

"It's Jessica."

Brad: "Oh-her. Well, I'm done with her. Especially after tonight."

"It's not just that I mean, why did you break up with her?"

Brad: "She and I just didn't seem to be going anywhere good."

"It seems like she really wants you back."

Brad: "Yeah, well, she can't have me."

"She's very...she's very pretty."

I can't believe I said that. I looked away from him and for some stupid
reason that I couldn't comprehend, I started sulking. He leaned over to me
and whispered in my ear. I swear I'd never forget the words that he told
be.

Brad: "She's an old hag compared to you. You are the most beautiful person
I've ever laid eyes on, and don't ever let anyone make you feel you're
not. You hearing me?"

He started giggling a little.

"What-is it?"

Brad: "I-uh-remember back when I called you a-dickhead?"

I giggled.

"Yeah."

Brad: "Well, I had just saw you laughing with Josh and Stacy and, I
couldn't help but think how beautiful you looked when you laugh. And then,
when I was dropping you off back home from the food court, I just couldn't
get my eyes off of you."

"Aww, you're making me blush."

Brad: "You look cute when you blush."

"You, used to-do it, sex I mean, a lot with her, right?"

He looked at me a little weird.

Brad: "How do you-"

"I'm not dumb Brad, I know her reputation, everyone does. It just reminded
me of something I had to talk to you about. Today, when we kissed in the
restroom, I felt you-I know you wanted more from me."

Brad: "Listen, I-"

"I know you weren't pressuring me, it's just I don't think I'm ready yet
and I know you say you can wait. But I know what I felt and seeing Jessica,
I know she'd be just too willing to-"

Brad: "I'd never, I promise."

"It just makes me feel bad that I can't give you that."

Brad: "Don't feel that way..."

"I mean, I'm not like her. I can't dance up a storm, I don't know how to
turn a guy on, I don't look like I stepped out of Victoria's Secret and-"

Brad: "While we're on the subject of what you DON'T do...you don't try to
control me, you don't try to change me. You don't try seducing other guys
even though you have a boyfriend and you don't nag, nag, nag...happy?"

"Hehehe...yeah."

Brad: "And believe me...whether you know it or not, you turn this guy on
big time, twenty-four seven...if I'm not daydreaming about you, I'm
dreaming about you."

"You dream about me? What do you dream about me? Hmmm..."

He started blushing profusely.

I smiled.

Brad: "Now after I go through all the trouble of snapping you out of your
blue funk, won't you even kiss me?"

For the next five minutes we were litterally tongue tied and wrapped up in
each other. I pushed him off when I heard footsteps, running up to the
car. Brad leaned back over to his seat and checked himself. I tried to make
my clothes look like I hadn't just walked out of a bar fight. Then we heard
urgent tapping on the window. I tried to make out who it was, but the glass
was too heavily tinted. Then I heard a familiar voice.

Josh: "Guys, open up!"

Josh! Brad rolled down the windows and we saw a very concerned, out of
breath Josh.

Josh: "Jessie-uh-Brad, are you two alright?"

"Yeah, we're, we're fine."

Josh: "I mean, you guys dropped me off and when I came back outside to put
out the trash, I saw the car parked at the side down the street. I thought
you could be having, like tire trouble or something."

Brad: "Nah, everything's fine."

Josh: "Then...why did you-pull over..."

Brad was stumped. I had to answer for him.

"Uh-his cell phone rang. And you know about talking and driving when you
don't wear a headset. So we pulled over."

Brad caught the tide.

Brad: "Yeah, road safety and whatnot...mom wanted me to stop at the
supermarket..."

Josh: "Oh, so you heading there now?"

Brad: "Yeah, right after I drop off Jessie."

It put Josh at ease and he said goodbye and started walking back up to the
house. I was a little jitterey at how close a call it had been. He couldn't
have seen us. The illegally dark tint that Brad's windows had made sure of
it. But damn close though. The door wasn't locked. What if he had just
opened the door on us? I mean he came here thinking something was wrong. I
was greatful he was still I the dark, but sad that he still didn't know
about me and Brad. And after what had just happened, it got me
thinking. What if another, more damaging incident happened and he found out
the wrong way...I was giving serious consideration of telling him. I
wouldn't tell him about Brad, I think it's Brad's choice who he wants
knowing...but I could tell him about me being gay, that at least would be a
start. I didn't want him to feel bad that I'd told Stacy before I told him
though. Gosh, I wished I knew how he would react, but this was going to
take some faith. But one thing was certain, I couldn't keep living a double
life where my best friend was concerned for much longer. This was going to
have to change. Tomorrow was another day, and I'd at least try, I promised
myself.

Brad: "Well, see you tomorrow baby. Love ya!"

And he was off to the "Supermarket".

I went into the house.

===========================================================================

It had been a tiring evening for Josh. Sure he was in great shape, but
roughing it on the field for the entire afternoon with experienced jocks
had taken its toll. He had been skulking around in the locker room too. He
had tried out for the football team for one main reason. To be as near to
Brad as he could possibly be. After all, you keep your friends close, but
your enemies, even closer. He had his suspiscions about Brad, but that was
all they were, suspiscions. He needed proof, and that was what he had come
to get. He didn't know for sure why Brad's asswipe of a personality had
suddenly altered, or why he had decided to take such keen interest in
Jessie's life all of a sudden, but he did know it couldn't be good.

He kept a close eye on Brad in the locker room. He was watching to see if
he was checking the other guys out, or anything else out of the blue. Josh
remebered the kind of look that he saw Brad throw Jessie, on multiple
occasions no less.  Thankfully Jessie didn't seem to notice them. If anyone
was going to be converting anybody, it was going to be himself, that much
was certain. But Brad didn't even pay any attention to any of the other
guys in the locker rooms, so Josh was stumped. Maybe he was blowing this
thing out of proportion, he just was so-not his logical thinking self where
anything to do with Jessie was concerned.  And Brad had been real buddy
buddy to him...maybe he could actually like the guy, a little...well...not
HATE him at least. All of that was to change once they went out on the
field however.

They were out practicing when this girl started tearing the place up,
shouting all kinds of cheers and basically setting the field on fire. Josh
heard the coach swear under his breath. Some of the guys weren't able to
focus with the action going down with the cheerleaders. Josh laughed
mentally, if he were straight, he be doing it too, because this girl was
hot, hot, hot. Then it became apparent just who she was trying to
attract. She had "GO BRAD!"  emblazoned on her top. It put Josh at
ease. She must be Brad's....Girlfriend! Brad has a girlfriend! "Man, I'm
bitching for nothing!", he thought. Changed real quick however. Brad seemed
to be looking for someone. The next thing he knew the girl was screaming
out,

"Brad baby, I'm right over here!"

Brad looked at her with the meanest face Josh had ever seen anyone
pull. But worse was to come. He started scanning the crowd and it looked
like he found who he was looking for too. Josh followed his gaze. At first
he thought it was Stacy, but then he saw that it wasn't her, why the hell
couldn't it be her?! It was his Jess. Jessie was screaming his lungs out,
Josh hadn't ever thought he had it in him. Brad seemed to think it was for
him, hmpf!

"He's screaming for me asshole!", he thought, "I'm the one trying out."

He got so mad he tackled Chad a little too roughly, honestly he was sorry
about that, but they were wearing padded uniforms, so he didn't think it
hurt. But it seriously worried him. Brad had spurned who had to be one of
the hottest girls in the school, hadn't even looked at her more than three
seconds and had instead chosen to look for Jessie. What if he was some sort
of sick perverted prowler...Josh didn't think Brad was Gay. Not really, but
you don't have to be Gay to be a pervert. He'd have to keep both eyes on
him.

And the drama that went down afterwards in the stands with Jessica was not
helping. It shocked him that Jessica could attack someone like that, over
Brad or any other guy. She apparently thought that Brad was into
Stacy. Josh wondered how she could have gotten that idea. Then she
mentioned something about him letting her make a fool out of herself in
front of the entire school. So she must have seen him looking at the
stands. Guess she must have missed who he was really looking at. It would
have been great if she had seen that it was Jessie.  It would have made his
job so much easier. Then again...maybe not. But now at least Josh knew for
sure that what he'd seen before was true. Brad was developing feelings for
Jess.

He saw his car stop when they dropped him off at his house. He went in and
stretched out on the sofa before his mom came in and asked him to throw out
the trash. Which he did. While he was heading back however, he saw a
familiar Civic parked up the side of the street. It was...Brad's car. They
weren't still here were they? Then another thought struck him. Jessie could
still be in the car with him...alone! Was Brad trying to...He would have
felt more comfortable if Stacy were in the car with them. Brad had feelings
for Jessie, confirmed, but Jessie was straight. What if Brad was trying to
force him to...

"Hold on Jess! I'm coming!" , he thought whilst he sped down the street as
fast as his fatigued leg muscles could carry him.

A dozen thoughts were running through his brain.

"Oh no, he's done something to Jess."

"I'll kick his sorry ass!"

"Mess with my Jess will you-"

He started tapping urgently on the glass.

"Guys open up!", he said, yelled rather. Then Brad rolled down the
windows. He found out that Brad had been on the cell phone. If he was the
one who had told that to him, Josh would have thought twice, but since it
was Jessie who said it to him, Josh believed it. He felt a little stupid
for just bolting and he hoped his parents didn't think he was "running
away" or anything. They were STILL watching him like hawks. He walked back
slowly to his house and went in. oh the drama...he wondered what tomorrow
would bring.

===========================================================================

JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-LUNCHTIME

We were at our table in the cafeteria. Josh, Stacy and me. Brad was eating
somewhere off with his jock buddies. So it was just the three of us, like
the good old days. Stacy and I had already gotten our food, but Josh was
STILL ordering. The boy is picky when it comes to food. Me and Stacy were
talking.

Stacy: "I swear, why can't he just grab a damn burger and just get on over
here."

"Awww...you miss him don't you.", I teased. She ignored me.

Stacy: "And the amount of food he's eating...like an animal."

"What? Afraid he's gonna go fat? If you really love him it shouldn't
matter...hahaha, you'll have more of him to love."

Stacy: "But we're not! Jessie stop it, I don't love Josh! We're just
friends...that's all. I can't believe you, and think about how you felt
when your parents thought we were into each other, and when Josh's parents
thought that."

I did think about it.

"So, then it's not true? Really?"

Stacy: "Really. Now drop it, I can do a whole lot better, hehehe-owww..."

He fingered her neck. She was wearing a scarf to disguise the red bands on
it from Jessica's grip. She thought it wise to do so. Josh had by this time
come back to the seat, and with what a tray!

"Josh, are you eating for two?!"

Josh: "What? I'm an athlete now, I burn every calorie I eat. High
metabolism."

Stacy: "You're going to blow up."

Josh: "Will not."

"Uh, if you keep eating like this, you are going to have to drop football,
and take up...hmmm...Sumo I think."

Josh: "Really, you think I'll get fat, I'll just-"

He called out to some guy and just started dropping food onto his tray. The
guy was glad, free food! Then he came back. Stacy was cracking up with
laughter.

"I was just joking Josh."

He started looking longingly at the food he'd just given away.

Josh: "NOW you tell me. A minute sooner would have been just fine. Don't
suppose I could just take it ba-"

Stacy: "NO!-owwww.."

She was rubbing her neck again. Part of the scarf came away and revealed
the red weal. She quickly re-adjusted it.

Josh: "Ooooooh, Stacy has a Hickey, Stacy has a Hickey!"

I started laughing.

Stacy: "Josh, not so loud and don't joke about it...I was scared that's
what my parents might think and you know the rumor mill in this
school. They'd just like to start something up on me."

Just then I decided to cheer her up by surprising her.

"Josh." I said looking straight at him as I said it.

"I wanna talk to you after school today, it's about something
important. Ah-can you walk with me to my house after school?"

Stacy was watching me attentively.

Josh: "Huh, yeah okay. What's this about?"

"I'd really rather tell you when we're alone and not being listened to."

Josh: "No prob."

He got up and went to the cafeteria lady AGAIN and Stacy took the time to
grill me.

Stacy: "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes girlfriend, I'm going to confess, happy?"

Stacy: "Thank God you've finally staightened out that head of yours."

"My, what an interesting choice of words."

We laughed. Josh came back.

Josh: "Just what the hell is so funny? An why do I always miss out on these
jokes?"

"Oh it was just-well, nothing.."

If things went well, he wouldn't have to miss out on them anymore.

===========================================================================

JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-THE CONFESSION/REVELATION

I was nervous as hell. It was one thing to broach the idea of confessing to
Josh in front of Stacy, but another matter entirely to actually do it. I
told Brad what I was planning to do after school in the restroom. I'd
called him on his cell-phone and told him to meet me there and told Josh
that I'd be right back.

Brad: "You're sure this is what you want to do? Once you tell someone
there's no going back."

"I know, but he's my best friend Brad and my parents know, you know, Stacy
knows, everyone who means anything to me knows, but him, and I hate it."

Brad: "You won't tell him-"

"No, I won't tell him about you. That's up to you if you want to or not"

Brad: "Baby, I would if things were different, you know that right,
but-well I don't know if I can deal with all the drama and-"

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry if it sounded that way. I'm just a
little nervous. I just don't want to lose a friend, or have him hating me,
but I can't live like this forever. Anyhow, if he hates me.."

Brad: "He won't hate you. You two seem real tight, and you said it
yourself, you've been friends since...forever, right?"

"Right...you're right, I tell you how much I love you today?"

Brad: "Yeah, but that's not good enough.", he pouted.

"How's...this."

After our quickie peck, I went back out to the Quad where Josh was waiting
for me. Stacy had already left, but she had told me her Good Luck in our
study period. Now it was just me and Josh. I went up to him. He was calm,
the exact opposite of what I was feeling.

Josh: "You ready?"

"Yeah."

The walk home was unnerving. I mean we didn't say a word to each other. He
was probably wondering what I wanted to tell him tha it couldn't be said in
public.  I didn't blame him. It must have seemed dark and mysterious. I was
just trying to keep my cool. Which I was so not doing right. When we
reached my house and I reached into my bag for the house keys my hands
shook so much they went clattering onto the floor. He reached down and
picked them up. I was so nervous I was probably just staring at then. "Keep
it together", I kept telling myself.  I opened the door and we went in. I
was greatful the parents weren't going to be home till later. I didn't want
anyone to see what an absolute wuss I was being.  He took a seat on the
sofa.

"Uh, do you want something to drink?", I asked, trying to be routine, to do
anything I would normally do, because what I was about to tell him would be
far from normal.

Josh: "Coke-Diet?"

"Diet, now you think about the calories..."

Josh: "You said I could go fat...."

"You went back to the cafeteria lady though."

Josh: "For juice..."

"Okay, okay..", well at least the mood was lightnening some.

I came back with his coke and took a seat next to him. I couldn't bring
myself to drink anything. He took it and I waited till he was done.

Josh: "So, what is this you were saying about wanting to tell me
something."

Oh dear God it's here...umm.....ah....say something fool, anything, don't
act like a,

"It's like this....I don't really know how to tell you this."

Josh: "Just spit it out...get it over with."

"I'm afraid."

Josh: "Of what?"

"Of how you'll react. I'm afraid you'll hate me."

Josh: "You don't have to be afraid of me, you know I could never hate you."

"What I want to tell you, it's not going to be run of the mill, this isn't
like when I lost your favorite comic book, or killed your goldfish or
anything..."

Josh: "You killed Rocky, I NEVER would have guessed, hehehe....come on just
tell me."

"Okay, Josh, I'm-I'm..."

Josh: "Boring me to death with the melodrama..."

"I'm....."

Josh: "He's going to say it folks, finally, and the crowd draws breath...."

"I'm...Gay."

If you ever heard the saying, "Silence is deafening", it was so applicable
to what was going on. He was watching me with a totally unreadable look. I
gasped at the horror that I'd listened to Stacy and went and told him and
was probably on the verge of losing my best friend. He wasn't saying
anything, I wasn't saying anything, gosh this was pathetic...then I became
pathetic...I started to fucking cry.

"Why am I such a crybaby?"

"Gosh, he's probably thinking-SUCH A FAG"

But he reacted to it in the last possible way that I thought he would. I
wasn't looking at him for a good five minuted, but when I mustered the
courage to glance at him he was-SMILING! I didn't get it. It must
have...been too much for him to take. I wiped the tears away and his
expression changed. The next thing I knew he was next to me, wiping my
freaking tears and then I felt it. He had his arm around me, I was so
shocked, I didn't know how to respond. His face started closing distance,
and the next thing I felt was his tongue forcing entry into my mouth. I was
downright confused, shocked and scared by now. I struggled free of his hold
and put some distance between us on the sofa. My emotions were probably
just bleeding out of my face.

"You, you.." , was all I could muster.

Josh: "Please Jess, don't be scared, I wanted to tell you so bad, everyday
for the last five years but I was so scared of what you'd think of me."

"I, don't know-"

Josh: "God, I love you so much. It killed me that I couldn't tell you. But
now, well everything's okay now."

He closed distance and started to try and kiss me again. I was pushing him
off.

"Josh, stop it. You don't understand. I-"

Josh: "I-I'm sorry, am I hurting you?"

"No it's just that, well. I don't like you that...way. I-mean, I do like
you, a lot, but, you're like my big brother, I guess."

Josh: "But I-that's cuz you didn't know about me before...now that you know
how I feel about you...I'm not pushing, but you might be able to see me
differently, I mean-you don't think you could ever love me like that?"

"I can't."

Josh: "Why? You could give me a chance? That's all I want. You can decide
after, just give me a chance."

"I...can't, because I'm already, with-someone."

The look on his face was heartbreaking. He looked broken. I hated to see
him like it. He normally just bottles everything up inside. It must really
be hurting for him to show it. Then his face hardened.

Josh: "Who?"

"It doesn't matter."

Josh: "Don't give me that shit! You tell me you won't give me a chance cuz
you're with someone and the won't tell me who?"

"He's not ready for people to know yet."

Josh: "Oh, so he's not very comfortable with being Gay, but just wants the
benefits, no strings attached, huh?"

"It's not like that at all, we haven't done anything and he just needs some
time..."

Josh: "I'm not just playing around here, I KNOW who I am, I'm gay and I
love you, I'm not just some guy who's confused or out for a fuck
buddy. Just give me a chance, if I mean anything at all to you, if our
friendship means anything to you..."

"He's not confused, he-he loves me. I know it. Josh, I'm really sorry, but
I can't, I just can't. I love him, I love him and I can't just leave him
for someone else."

Josh: "Not even me huh?"

"We're still friends, right. You're my best friend Josh, always were,
always will be...right? Please just be happy for me, don't-where are you
going?"

Josh: "Out, just away from here, away from you."

"I'm sorry. But I just don't love you like that..."

He stopped at the door and looked at me again. He opened his mouth like he
was going to say something, but checked himself, left it unsaid, and
left. I fell back on the sofa. I'm going to finish the job Jessica started
on Stacy, I swear...

===========================================================================

Okay that's chapter 14. I hope you people like. Email at
phoenix_587@yahoo.com or post on the group. Give your boy some credit!
HUGZ! Thanks to everyone who's emailed so far. Thanks for the feedback!
It's what keeps me writing...By the way, my group's at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/phoenix_587

If yur interested. Feel free to send comments to birdofflame_587@yahoo.com
or the previous email addy.

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