Date: Sat, 30 Apr 2005 15:15:01 -0400
From: Cronos <cronos@tstt.net.tt>
Subject: Say You Love Me 6

Phoenix here. To those of you who like this story, the only reason I was
able to update again so fast was because of Juilianj19, who wanted more
detail on characters like Josh and Stacy. If there's anything like a
Perfect Critic, this guy's IT.

Oh and as always, feel free to drop a line at phoenix_587@yahoo.com or post
on the Group. Bye ya'll I hope you enjoy readin' em like I enjoy writin'
em.

Chapter 6- "Where's Josh?"

JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-FRIDAY NIGHT

My parents had come home earlier than I expected that evening. It was a
good thing I heard them opening the front door. If I didn't and they walked
into living room, I don't know how'd they react to the sight of Brad
kissing me. The moment I was able to force my mouth away from him and gasp,

"My parents",

 Brad had packed up and left. I was worried about what had happened. Did
Brad know about me? Would he out me to the rest of school? That thought
scared me. But it wasn't my fault..I mean I was only talking to him about
what had transpired earlier. I didn't kiss him...HE kissed ME! What, I
couldn't get was, why? I mean Brad wasn't gay. Couldn't be. I mean he had
girlfriends before. I saw him with them...Julie, Sarah, Tammy,
Jessica. Okay so he was currently single. *Jessica broke up with him after
he'd been suspended for beating up Rick last semester.* But a guy like him
could have any girl he wanted, no joke. So why did it happen? I tried to
remember exactly what happened.

*He asked me if I wanted to talk to him about what happened with Josh. Okay
no problem there. That couldn't have caught it.

*He walked over and sat down next to me.

*Ok, eventually I started to shake. He had his arm around me. Nothin'
special about that. Friendly...

*I started to cry and shudder. He made me look at his face, his eyes. I
couldn't look away. Apparently neither could he. He looked me straight in
the eyes and said,

"Shhh...come on Jess don't cry"

That was when it had happened. What was it exactly that happened when we
looked at each other. I thought seeing eye to eye was supposed to be a good
thing. Then a new thought popped into my head. What if he hated
me...homophobic and thought I was gay? But it wasn't me. I was tryin' to
push him off when he did it. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I didn't know
how Brad felt about it, and more importantly I didn't want to run any risk
of getting outted to the rest of the school. While I was tryin' to push him
off, he held me with his right arm, forcing my lips to join with his ( hey
he was forcing my body not my mind ). He being so much stronger than me,
there was no possible way I could push him off.

He must have known this...'cause he wasn't overly forceful. The weirdest
thing was all the while he was staring into my eyes...almost as if he was
trying to see inside my head...my soul. Then I heard my parents coming, I
managed to pull my lips away from his and warn him...and then he just
left. He left me to ponder...

I was trying to get away, he wouldn't let me. Was Stacy right..was he
tryin' to use me for some little experiment of his? I just couldn't bring
myself to believe it. He may have held me...but it wasn't as if I didn't
want it to happen. And he wasn't tryin' to hurt me...he was so gentle...He
didn't look mad when he left.

Damn, why did life have to be so complicated sometimes. I decided to try
and not think about it...only problem was I couldn't help it. It's not
exactly easy to NOT think about a guy ( especially one like Brad Summers
*sigh* ) kissing you. Especially if you just so happen to be a guy
yourself. Well, it sure looked like I wouldn't be getting much sleep
tonight.

It was around 10:30 pm and the phone rang. I picked up, it was Stacy.

I was so not in the mood for this right now, "Stacy, can this wait 'till
tomorrow. I'm real beat, and you're starting to make this a habi-"

She cut me off,

Stacy: "Jessie!?!, Is Josh over at your house?!?".

Okay, something was definitely up. I've never heard Stacy talk like this
before. She sounded scared and worried.

I answered, "Uh..no Stace, he's not, is something wrong?"

Stacy: "His parents called my house a while ago. Jessie, Josh didn't go
home this afternoon...his parents don't know where he is. I t-told them
that I'd call everyone I knew and ask around, to save them time while they
checked around the neighborhood. Jessie, God I don't know what to do..I
thought he'd be there at your place."

Hearing her go on like this was heart rending.

"Well, he's not here Stacy"

Stacy, "Jessie, if he shows up at your place, gimme a call, and tell his
parents too."

It hurt to think it but, I doubt that Josh would be comin' over to my place
anytime soon.

"Yeah Stace"

Stacy: "Bye Jess"

"Bye", she hung up.

I considered the situation. Stacy might not know what to do...but I sure
did. My best bud of 11 years was somewhere out there,upset over
something. I had to find him. I was thankful my parents had already hit the
sack. Sneaking out shouldn't be a problem. Josh may have been pissed at me,
for what I didn't know, but I was sure as hell gonna find him and find
out. He may have been mad at me, but I wasn't at him, regardless of what
I'd said. I got dressed and grabbed my cellphone and snuck
downstairs. Coast clear...I'd never done this before. I'd better not stay
out too long...no telling if the 'rents might decide to check in on me
during the night. I had to do this. If it was me out there Josh would no
doubt be the first one out looking...at least he would before what happened
today. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and ventured out....

*** JOSH'S POINT OF VIEW-FRIDAY NIGHT

Another long week. Hell, it was to be expected if you had Jameson 7th and
8th periods on Monday AND Friday. To top it off Jameson had our test
results to dish out today. I was pretty sure I'd failed it. I'd no doubt
have to deal with disappointed faces from the 'rents...but hey I could deal
with it when the time came. At least today I could hang out with Jessie and
Stacy. I'd hung out with Stacy last week Saturday at Joe's. We were
supposed to be studying for Jameson's test. Jessie was supposed to be
there. Time ticked away until he was 4 hours late...I realized he wasn't
gonna show. I was a little hurt, specially after he didn't call to say
why. I knew if he'd helped me study for Jameson's test I'd actually have
passed. I hated English Lit. but Jessie had a way with words. Still I
couldn't ever bring myself to be mad at him. At least today we could all
hang out. I couldn't remember the last time we'd all had some fun together,
so that's why I was surprised he didn't show up at Joe's on Saturday. The
only reason I hadn't called to find out was I because I was afraid that
he'd think I was mad at him.

I found out what kept him though, on Monday. Brad Summers. At first I
thought that Brad had threatened Jessie or something, but then I learned
from Jessie that Brad was being *nice* to him. I know it sounds
stupid...but I wished Brad was being his usual asshole self with Jessie,
rather than being nice to him. Confused...I'd better explain.

I've always known I was...different. Well, since I was 12 actually. While
most every other guy got horny over some chick...I got horny
over-guess....other guys. But there was only one guy I ever truly loved. I
think you know who I'm talking about.

I couldn't stand Brad Summers. He thinks he's sooo smoothe. Well I can see
straight through him and his fucked up charades. When Jessie told me how he
was acting, it was then I knew for certain. Only one thing could explain
why badass Brad was being so *nice* to Jessie. Brad was tryin' to score
with him. Like I'd sit back and let that happen. I knew Jessie wasn't gay,
and I'd never be with him the way I wanted to. And even though I always
knew he'd settle with some chick, as long as I was his best bud, I could
handle it. It hurt like hell..sometimes I didn't know how to go on, but as
long as Jessie was happy and I could see him smile, I'd make it. No matter
what it did to me, for Jessie, I'd do anything.

And then I realised that Brad Summers was threatening all that. Monday
morning, when I'd confronted him, I only thought he was just tryin' to
*befriend* Jessie, but later that day, I saw something that made me wish
that Brad was only trying to be friends with Jess. I saw the *Look* in
English Lit. that day. It nearly tore me apart...

Please, please Jess, don't fall for it.

When Jess turned away from him, I thanked whatever god would listen to
me. I thought everything would be fine, Jess was still mine, no one could
take him away, at least no guy. That bond couldn't be shattered. I had only
to wait until Friday, today, to realise just how wrong I was.

It was after English Lit. Home time. Jessie was waiting back in class as
usual for Stacy and me , perfect.

I knew just how to get to him, all I needed was a Triple Fudge Sundae,

"Yo, Jess, me and Stacy gonna hang at Joe's. Wanna come? Triple Fudge
Sundae, my treat?", I asked.

I remembered the first time I bought him one. The smile on his face was
priceless.

I so didn't expect his reply,

Jessie: "Can't actually, I gotta work with Brad."

Brad again. I went on,

"Hey, no problem. Stacy and me could just run to Joe's, pick up a few
things, meet you guys in school and hang."

At least in school I could keep an eye on Brad.

That plan of mines was quickly squelched,

Jessie: "Uh..actually wer'e kinda going to be studying at my house"

That one hurt. Jessie invited him home...They'd be all alone...what was
worse I'd have to find a way to get him to invite me along. I couldn't very
well ask to come along, it'd look too suspicious.

I tried again, "Oh, well me and Stacy could walk you home and we could all
chill at your place"

It was my last chance, a chance I'd miss,

Jessie: "Actually, Brad's giving me a ride home."

When that failed, I decided to ....beg..beg damn it!

"Hey come on man, we ain't been anywhere since...I can't remember
when. Can't you study with Brad some other time? You've got a whole month
for that stupid project."

He wouldn't turn ME down...right? I've never asked him for anything. In all
the years I'd known him, eleven years, I'd never, ever asked him for
anything. Guess it didn't mean a damn thing to him though.

He went on with a sob story, poor, poor Brad was gonna get thrown of the
Jock Squad if he didn't average a C. How he was gonna help him study... I
couldn't believe it. Eleven years of, well frienship on his part, and
secret love on mine, meant nothing to seven fucking days with Brad
Summers. I...lost it-

"What?! Your'e blowin' us off cuz of Brad and his dumb jock syndrome? I
thought you hated the guy? Now he's your best bud? You know how long Stacy
and me waited for you at Joe's last week?!"

He stood staring at me, like I'd gone insane. In a way, I had.

"We were supposed to study for Jameson's test. Only problem was you weren't
there. You wanna know what grade I got, F, that's right FAIL. But I don't
see you running to help me. Didn't even bother to ask."

He didn't even have the decency to let me finish without interupting.

Jessie: "Josh man-", I went on though, I couldn't stop, it just came out,
it felt like all the emotion I'd bottled up just exploded,

" I mean I could understand that...you were dealin' with Brad that weekend
and you were busy, but now, what he's your best friend now?"

Then he started talkin' about...guess..Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad!!! Always
Brad!! When was he gonna see that this was about me and him, not that
mother fucker Summers!?!,

Jessie: "Josh Brad's not really a bad guy, if you get to know him-"

What the fuck was he talking about. He didn't know the real Brad. Hell, I
didn't even know the real Brad, and I talk to a lot more people than he
ever did. What could he have possibly have known about Brad in the past
WEEK, that could compare to eleven years of what we had. My rage surfaced
again,

"Oh yeah....so tell me, what exactly do you know about him? How long have
you KNOWN him?"

He didn't say anything at first.

Jessie: "Josh, Brad really needs the help, or he'll get thrown off the
football team"

Oh, boo hoo! Poor baby.

I couldn't take it anymore, "Brad's a total jerk. You know what, never
mind. Just thought you'd be smart enough to know who your real friends
were."

That must have gooten him upset. Good, let him feel what it's like.

Jessie: "Josh, your'e a selfish son of a bitch, can't you stop thinking
'bout yourself for one frickin' moment? We can always hang out any time,
but Brad doesn't have that time to spare."

Yeah, he had the nerve to call me selfish. Selfish...after all the effort
I'd put in for the past eleven years.

I just couldn't bear to see him in front of me anymore, so with a "Fuck
you", I was gone. Stacy tried to get me to go with her to Joe's, but I just
couldn't. I didn't want to go home either. I'm sure I looked so messed up,
I wouldn't be able to hide it from the 'rents. I just needed some time
alone.

And so, here I was. The park, next to the fountain. It was the most
secluded area of the entire enclosure. Perfect place to hide. Jessie and I
used to come here when we were little to play hide and seek. Sometimes we'd
bring Stacy along to play, but it always remained pretty much our place.

Our place. Well I guess there's no more 'our'. Probably never was.

I didn't know what to think anymore. I thought I hated Jessie this
afternoon. But then I realised, that just wasn't it. When you really love
someone, that's all you ever do. Regardless of what you might say to them
or do to hurt them, it's not hate that motivates it, it's....love. I could
never hate Jessie.

Brad Summers was a different matter. I've never felt such malice towards
someone else as I felt towards him. He thinks he running a smoothe
game...we'll see. I'll find a to show Jess just what his true motives
are. I won't let him hurt Jessie. Then again, Brad was such a jerk, he'd
probably fuck it up on his own....and I'd be there to pick up the pieces.

The only other person I hated more than Brad was..me. Why didn't I see this
from the beginning? Why'd didn't I nip it in the bud? I realise just how
wrong I was to say what I said to Jessie..he was the innocent in all
this. God, he's so innocent, Brad might just be able to con him. In seven
short days Brad had started to act towards Jessie like I usually did, and I
had treated Jess like Brad would have. Just then the bushes parted, a lone
figure stepped into the light. It was...Jess.

JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-THE PARK

I'd checked everywhere for Josh. The arcade, the basketball court, even
Joe's. I just didn't know where else to look. Then it hit me. But what were
the odd? He wouldn't be there. Didn't know if he'd remember it. The park,
near the fountain, had always been my favourite hideaway growing up. Me and
Josh spent a lot of time there. I remembered how we'd play hide and
seek. Even though Josh was supposed to hide and I was supposed to seek,
whenever my back was turned, he'd come out from whatever bush he was hiding
from, sneak up on me, and tickle me mercilessly until I had to beg him to
stop. Hmmm....happier times.

Well, it was worth a shot. When your drowning, you'll clutch at a straw. I
made my way to the park. God, it was creepy. Even though the moon was out
and the electric lights were fully functional, it still looked fresh out a
horror flick. I finally emerged near the fountain. Damn! He's not here. My
heart sank. I honestly didn't know where to look.

As I turned my back however, someone grabbed me from behind and held their
hands over my mouth. I was effectively gagged. I expected to be robbed or
somethin' but not....tickled?

Josh!, I thought, I found him, even as I crashed laughing uncontrollably to
the floor. He didn't look mad. Thank goodness.

"Josh, come on man stop!", I begged.

Josh: "Not without the magic word!"

"Please Josh, I can't take anymore", I said.

He stopped. I watched him in the face. He suddenly seemed sadder. I began
my apology,

"Josh, I'm sorry, I just don't know what came over me. I didn't mean
it. Really. I mean you're the most unselfish person I know." He cut me off.

Josh: "It's partly my fault too. I shouldn't said the things I said. It's
just that..well. I feel that in seven days Brad's kinda replaced me.....and
Stacy. I mean, you blew me and, Stace off like two times now. And well it
just got to me."

At least the apologies weren't hard. I continued, "Josh, you wren't
planning anything stupid were you?"

Josh: "Me?..no. I was gonna go home later. I just needed some time alone to
think. I just want you to know, well what I said , I didn't mean it. I just
kinda lost control."

"It's okay Josh, first time for everything. Well you better get home
now...speaking of which I gotta go to."

Josh: "The 'rents are gonna be pissed"

I decided to cheer him up, "Well, look at it this way, you won't have to
worry about the F, you'll have bigger fish to fry. Say if your'e not doin'
anything tomorrow, maybe we could pick up Stace and chill at Joe's"

Josh: "You for real?"

"Yeah...tell you what, I'll even take you up on that Triple Fudge Sundae."

He grinned and went our separate ways. I snuck back into the house. Good
the lights were off. That meant that my parents hadn't woken up and
discovered me gone. I went into my room, called Stacy, reassured her and
got some well deserved shut eye. Just before I popped off I wondered if
Josh would be getting any sleep when he went home that night. Lol Guess
not....