Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 16:03:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Science of Us-Part25. Picking up the Pieces (Pat)

     I was on the ground staring at the ceiling trying to figure
out what happened. One second I was comforting Kyle, the next, he
was knocking me over. I looked up and Chris was standing there.

     "Are you okay?" he asked.

     "Yeah, I just can't believe he did that." Chris held out his
hand and I grabbed it and pulled myself up. "I should go after
him."

     "No you shouldn't."

     "But he's going to do something dumb."

     "So let him."

     "What the fuck is your problem?" I jerked my arm away from
him.

     "He's a hothead. Hopefully he'll go blow off some steam and
then he'll come back here and apologize, but don't run after
him."

     "Chris"

     "Just listen to me!" I must have looked like I still wanted
to go. "Stay, please," he said, almost pleading with me.

     "Fine, I'll stay." We walked back in to the waiting room and
I sat down.

     "So what drugs did they give Nick?"

     "I'm not sure what they gave him, but he started talking a
lot and his face turned pale. Next thing I knew, he was shouting
at Kyle and flailing his arms around and Kyle looked like a deer
in headlights. I ran and told the nurse about it and she started
panicking. She pushed some button and paged the doctor." I
thought about the look on the nurse's face. "It was crazy, but
this whole day has been crazy."

     "Don't I know," said Chris.

     "What happened to you?"

     "Jessica"

     "You two broke up?"

     "Worse, she"

     "Excuse me boys. You can go see your friend now."

     The nurse was standing in the doorway for about a second.
"Thanks," I told her as I stood up.

     Chris stood and said, "We can talk later. Let's check on
Nick."

     Drew beat both of us out the room and followed the nurse. I
watched Drew hobble down the hallway and I wondered how much pain
he must have been feeling. "He shouldn't be here," I whispered to
Chris as we walked down the hallway.

     "Who, Nick?"

     "No, Drew. Look at him; he has to be in a lot of pain. Just
watching him walk is painful for me."

     "You know he's stubborn as hell. There's no way he's going
to be able to go to school tomorrow. He's pushed himself too hard
today."

     We walked in Nick's room and found Kyle's mother and some
woman in there. I watched as the woman touched Nick's face and I
knew she had to be his mother. She smiled at him, "My poor baby,"
she said. "Who did this to him?" She turned and looked at Drew.

     "Some guys from school."

     "Why?" she asked.

     "Because of me," Drew told her. "They hate me and he's my
friend and now he's hurt because of me."

     She opened her mouth to say something, but she changed her
mind and returned to rubbing Nick's face. I waited to hear Nick
make some comment about it not being Drew's fault, but Nick
didn't respond. I looked closer and realized that Nick hadn't
opened his eyes since I entered the room. "Is he sleep?"

     "The doctor gave him a sedative."

     I wondered if the doctor mentioned Nick's outburst earlier.
"Did he say why he gave him a sedative?"

     "I don't think that's any of your concern young man."

     That comment shut me up until Kyle's mother called me.
"Pat."

     "Yes."

     "Do you know where my son was off to in such a hurry?"

     "Um."

     "You do, don't you?"

     "Well, I, he, um, I think"

     "Just tell me."

     "I think he went to school to find the other guys who
attacked Nick."

     "And you didn't go with him?"

     I couldn't believe she thought I should have gone with him.
"Well, I didn't think that was the best idea. I mean the school
has pretty much made it clear that they're supporting the other
guys and"

     "I think you misunderstood me. I'm not saying you should
have gone with him to find those boys, I'm only saying that you
should have gone with him. What kind of boyfriend are you if
you're not there when he needs you?" She was looking me directly
in the eye, and for the first time I noticed that Kyle inherited
his mother's eyes. "I love my son, but I also know my son. He
doesn't stand up for himself much, but he's always been overly
protective of Nick. And I should know because I have been to the
Principal's office several times because of his foolishness." She
shook her head and paused for a second. "You seem like a level
headed young man from what little I know about you. Maybe you
could have calmed him down some, that's all." She looked down at
the floor. "But it's wrong of me to ask you to do that. You are
not his keeper and I guess I can't expect you to pretend to be."
She let out a sigh. "I'm so scared of what he might have done or
might be doing right now." She sighed again. "Why did I let him
take the car? I saw that look in his eyes and I knew he was
angry, but I just let him go."

     "I'm sure he'll be fine," said Chris, who knew Kyle the
least out of everyone in the room.

     "Well, Nick should be out for a while so why don't you boys
go home and get some rest," she said.

     "It's not that late yet," Drew protested.

     "You're the one who looks like they need some rest. Please
go home and relax and I'll have Kyle call you if Nick wakes up
before visiting hours are over."

     "But"

     "Listen," she pointed her finger at him, "I know I'm not
your mother, but I am telling you what you need to do. Now go get
some rest."

     Chris walked up next to Drew. "She's right, we should go.
You need rest and I need to talk to Jessica." Chris turned Drew
around and gently guided him towards the door. "Goodbye
everyone," Chris said. He knew me well enough to know that I
wasn't leaving.

     "Bye. I'll call you if anything changes." Then they were
gone. I looked over and Nick's mother was still on the bed next
to him, staring at him. She seemed oblivious to what was going on
around her, but I understood why. Her entire world was in that
bed so of course everything else was insignificant. I walked to
the open seat and pulled it a little away from the bed. I sat
down and felt the unmistakable feeling of someone staring at me.
I knew who it was, so I forced my eyes to look at her. Kyle's
mother was watching me intently. "If it's okay, I'd like to stay
until Kyle gets back," I told her.

     "You've already made yourself comfortable so I guess you
might as well."

     No one seemed big on the idea of having a conversation, so
we all sat there in our own worlds. I worried about Kyle. Kyle's
mother worried about who knows what, and Nick's mother hovered
over him as if he was going to run away if she took her eyes off
of him.

     "Pat." I heard someone whisper. I glanced up at Kyle's
mother and I heard it again, "Pat." It wasn't coming from her.
"Pat, psst." That time I was able to figure out the voice
belonged to a guy and was coming from behind me. I turned around
but there was no one in the doorway. I stared at the doorway for
a couple of seconds and just when I was about to turn back
around, I saw Jeremy's head peep around the door. He nodded for
me to come in the hallway and I stood up and walked out the door.

     "What's going on?" I asked. "Where's Kyle?"

     He didn't answer me, instead, his eyes focused behind me. I
glanced over my shoulder and saw Kyle's mother standing in the
doorway. "I'm not deaf," she said as if that explained why she
was there. Jeremy still didn't speak. "Where is my son?"

     "I'm not supposed to tell you that." He dug in his pockets
and pulled out some keys. He handed them to her and she stepped
forward and took them. He went to move his hand back and she
grabbed his hand and held it.

     "Where is my son?" He bit his upper lip. "Is he okay? Tell
me where he is!" The distress in her voice broke my heart and
apparently Jeremy's too.

     "He got in a fight at the school and he was arrested. The
police took him to jail."

     "Oh God, my baby! I have to go see him." She walked back in
the room. "Beth. Beth!" Nick's mother turned and looked at her.
"Kyle has gotten himself in to some trouble and I have to go get
him. Are you going to be okay?"

     "I'll be fine."

     "I'll send my husband to pick you up later," she said as she
walked to her seat and grabbed her coat and purse.

     "You don't have to do that. I'm going to stay with my baby
tonight and I'll see tomorrow."

     "Beth, you need to go home and get some rest. You're no good
to anyone if you can't function."

     "Don't worry about me. I'll pull up the chair if I have to
and I'll get some sleep, but I'm not leaving. I'm going to be
right here when he wakes up."

     "Okay." Kyle's mother hugged Beth. "Take care of yourself.
I'll see you tomorrow." She walked towards me and Jeremy.

     "Emily," she turned around and looked at Beth, "thanks for
everything and I hope Kyle is alright."

     "You know you don't have to thank me."

     I felt a pang in my heart as I saw the expression on Beth's
face and the worry on Kyle's mother's face when she turned
around. I would have given anything to have my mother show me
half the love these women had for their sons, but I knew I had
ruined it all. "Ms. Masters," she stopped and grabbed my arm.

     "No, you can't come with me. I'll have Kyle call you later,
if he can."

     I wanted nothing more than to go with her, but she denied me
the opportunity before I asked. "I just,"

     "I know you want to be there, but I don't think you should."
She surprised me when she pulled me in to a hug and then kissed
me on my cheek as she let go. "Don't you forget that you need
some rest, too."

     "Yes ma'am."

     She left Jeremy and me standing in the hallway. "What should
we do now?" asked Jeremy.

     "Do you know which room Eric is in?"

     "What about Nick?"

     "I think his mother needs a little privacy. Now do you know
where Eric is or not?"

     "I can ask my mother."

     "Okay, let's do that."

     "Why, are you going to hurt him?"

     "No, I just want to talk to him."

     "Are you sure?"

     "Yes, I'm sure." I remembered how Jeremy had incited Kyle
earlier and I wondered if Kyle would have left if Jeremy hadn't
showed up. I had to bite my tongue to keep from going off on him,
but I decided I would get the information first and then I would
tell him what an ass he was.

     Five minutes later, I was standing outside Eric's hospital
room. I left Jeremy with his mother because I needed to have a
private conversation with Eric. There was a cop standing at the
door and for a second I thought maybe Eric had been arrested, but
I knew better when the cop stopped me. "Where are you going?" he
asked.

     "I want to see Eric."

     "I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that."

     "Why not?"

     "Because he doesn't want visitors."

     "Tell him Pat wants to see him."

     "He doesn't want to see anyone."

     "Just tell him." The cop walked in the room and closed the
door.

     He came out two minutes later and said, "He will see you
now." I walked in the room. "The door is staying open so I can
keep an eye on you. Don't think about doing any funny business."

     I ignored him and sat down next to Eric's bed. "What do you
want?" he asked.

     "Why did you do it?"

     "Why do you care?"

     "Because you hurt a lot of people I care about and I think I
deserve to know why. You owe me that much."

     "I don't owe you anything!"

     "All I have to say is bowling alley, freshman year."

     "How can you go there?"

     "You left me no choice, now start talking."

     "What do you want to know? I can't explain why I did it. I
just wanted to beat him up, but I was in there with Aaron and
Kelso and the next thing I knew things were out of control and
they were egging me on." He stopped and I gave him a look that
told him to continue. "I used the small end of the microphone so
it shouldn't have hurt him that much. I'm sure the little fag has
had much bigger things shoved up his ass."

     "He's not gay!" I shouted.

     "Yes he is, but that doesn't fucking matter. I told you why
I did it. You can leave now."

     "We both know that reason is bullshit. You did it because of
the shit that happened to you, but Nick didn't do it." Eric
turned his head away from me. "Did you know that guy did the same
thing to Jeremy? I told you he was messed up but you were sure it
was only you."

     "Is that supposed to make me feel better? `It's okay Eric,
because the freak did someone else, too.' Well gee thanks Pat,
everything is great now."

     "You know I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that I
understand where you've been and I'm probably the only person
because I'm still the only person that knows besides him, aren't
I?"

     "Of course you're the only person who knows! I wouldn't tell
anyone about that. Hell, I wouldn't have told you if you hadn't
found me."

     "So why did you do it to Nick and why did you say those
things to Drew and John, you knew you would set them off."

     "I don't know. I guess I lost it with Nick and then I said
those things to Drew and John because I wanted to get to them. I
wanted to hurt them."

     "You get off on hurting people, don't you?"

     Half of his mouth smiled. "It does give me that little
tingle on the inside. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

     I stood up. "What happened to you? You used to be such a
good person."

     He focused on me and I watched as a serious expression
washed over his face. "We both know everything that was good in
me died that night."

     "That's not true! You were still a good person after that.
You didn't change until you found out about me. That's when your
personality went straight to hell." I leaned towards him and in a
softer voice said, "We can argue about when you changed all
night, but it won't change where we are right now. You can't
blame Don anymore. You're the one who hurt Nick, and John gave
you exactly what you deserved so don't look to me for sympathy
because I'm fresh out. I tolerated all the shit you put me
through after you found out about me. I even made excuses for
you! But I was wrong. You were wrong. I should have called you on
your shit back then, and if I could make things different, I
would, but I can't rewind our lives and go back, so I guess we're
stuck." I paused. "I never thought you would cross that line
especially with what you went through. I guess I really don't
know who you are anymore, and truthfully I don't care to find
out." I felt the pain of losing him all over again. "What breaks
my heart the most is knowing that you're better than the person
you've become." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as hard as I
could. Through gritted teeth I told him, "I'm only going to say
this once so listen closely. I never want to speak to you again."
We hadn't actually spoken to each other in two years but the pain
that I saw in his eyes at hearing my words let me know that part
of him was wounded. Our unspoken agreement was now set in stone.
I continued, "And if you so much as look at one of my friends the
wrong way, you're going to need ten of those cops to stop me from
finishing what John started." I let go of his hand and was about
to turn around and leave when I felt him grab my arm. I looked
down at the questioning look on his face and ripped my arm away.
There was nothing more to say.

     I walked out of his hospital room and was surprised to find
that I felt calm for the first time all day, like a weight had
been lifted off my shoulders. I walked by Nick's room and glanced
in. His mother was still sitting with him. I went to the
emergency waiting room to see Jeremy. "How'd it go?" he asked.

     I sat down next to him. "I guess it went as expected."

     "And that means?"

     "We buried our friendship two years ago and tonight I
finally put the headstone on the grave."

     "English please."

     "That was English."

     "Dude, don't be cryptic about it, you were gone for a little
while. Did you beat him up some more?"

     "I would never hurt him."

     "You should. He's an asshole. People like him disgust me."

     I glanced at the clock on the wall and wondered what I was
still doing at the hospital. I should have left after I talked to
Eric. "Don't be so harsh on Eric. You two have more in common
than you think."

     "What? How can you compare me to him?"

     "You're two sides of the same coin. You talk the talk, and
he walks the walk." The words flowed directly from my mind out of
my mouth and in to Jeremy's ear before even I had time to
understand that I was having an epiphany. I looked over at Jeremy
and he was staring at me with disbelief on his face. "I had every
plan to come out here and tell you what an asshole you were for
getting Kyle riled up earlier, but now that doesn't seem so
important. I'm sure Kyle will be fine and he has no one to blame
but himself. I can't expect Eric to take responsibility for his
actions if I don't expect the same from Kyle." I paused as my
eyes found the floor. "I need to ask a favor of you."

     "Sure, anything, Captain."

     Hearing him call me that made me smile, but my smile faded
when I thought about what I was going to ask him to do. "I need
you to go talk to Eric."

     "Huh? I'll do anything but that! Why do you want me to talk
to him?"

     "I need you to tell him about what happened to you because I
think he needs to hear it and frankly, I think you need to talk
about it."

     "You're crazy! How can you ask me to tell him something like
that? And who are you to tell me what I need to talk about? I'm
fine."

     "No you're not. Neither of you are. You're both screwed up
for the same fucking reason. Now I'm asking you, as your Captain,
and as someone who sees what's going on with both of you, please
talk to him. He needs a friend like you right now."

     "I thought you hated him," he said. "Why would you want him
to have a friend?"

     "Because even on my worst days, I guess I'm a better person
than I want to be. I wish I could completely turn my back on him,
but I can't. I know what he needs right now and I know I can't
give it to him. And before you say anything else, yes I know he's
a bastard for what he did to Nick and I realize that he's not a
nice person, but even not so nice people deserve compassion
sometimes."

     "In case you didn't know, Eric and I aren't exactly friends.
What do you want me to do, walk in his room and tell him what
happened to me like we're good friends? Why does he need to know
what happened?"

     "Jeremy! Are you serious? Do you not get it?" I wiped my
face with my hand and prepared to stop beating around the bush.
Part of me felt guilty that I was about to betray Eric's trust,
but another part of me screamed that I was doing the best thing
for everyone. "His secret is your secret." He was silent so I
looked over at him. Jeremy had that sick look on his face again.
"Jeremy, are you okay?"

     "You mean?"

     "One guess who Eric's `big brother' on the football team
was."

     "Don?"

     I shook my head. "Now do you get it?" He nodded. I sat back
in my chair. "Eric used to be the sweetest boy you ever wanted to
meet," I whispered to myself.

     "Well he's a real creep now," Jeremy said.

     "People react in different ways." I paused. "So will you
talk to him?"

     "I guess I will. Are you going to be here when I get back?"

     "No. I need to go home."

     "Oh, well will you give me your phone number so I can call
you?"

     "Sure." After I gave him my number, I told him, "There's a
guard at Eric's door. If he hassles you, tell him to let Eric
know Pat sent you."

     "Okay." He made a strange face at me and then I saw a small
smile as he said, "You're going to owe me big for doing this."

     "I know."

     "Alright, I'm going." He took three steps.

     "Jeremy!" He turned around. "Thank you."

     "You're welcome."

     He was gone, but I remained in my seat trying to figure out
what I was doing. I wondered if I was still the Captain of
anything, but I couldn't focus on that long because my mind was
too busy thinking about Kyle. I really wanted to hear from him.

     After about ten minutes of staring at the clock, my eyes
wandered to a small sign by the door leading to the back. `Shit,'
I thought. I fumbled my cell phone in my hand as I frantically
pulled it out of my pocket. I turned it on and almost dropped it
when it started ringing.
Lustyville 2006
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yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.


     I was on the ground staring at the ceiling trying to figure
out what happened. One second I was comforting Kyle, the next, he
was knocking me over. I looked up and Chris was standing there.

     "Are you okay?" he asked.

     "Yeah, I just can't believe he did that." Chris held out his
hand and I grabbed it and pulled myself up. "I should go after
him."

     "No you shouldn't."

     "But he's going to do something dumb."

     "So let him."

     "What the fuck is your problem?" I jerked my arm away from
him.

     "He's a hothead. Hopefully he'll go blow off some steam and
then he'll come back here and apologize, but don't run after
him."

     "Chris"

     "Just listen to me!" I must have looked like I still wanted
to go. "Stay, please," he said, almost pleading with me.

     "Fine, I'll stay." We walked back in to the waiting room and
I sat down.

     "So what drugs did they give Nick?"

     "I'm not sure what they gave him, but he started talking a
lot and his face turned pale. Next thing I knew, he was shouting
at Kyle and flailing his arms around and Kyle looked like a deer
in headlights. I ran and told the nurse about it and she started
panicking. She pushed some button and paged the doctor." I
thought about the look on the nurse's face. "It was crazy, but
this whole day has been crazy."

     "Don't I know," said Chris.

     "What happened to you?"

     "Jessica"

     "You two broke up?"

     "Worse, she"

     "Excuse me boys. You can go see your friend now."

     The nurse was standing in the doorway for about a second.
"Thanks," I told her as I stood up.

     Chris stood and said, "We can talk later. Let's check on
Nick."

     Drew beat both of us out the room and followed the nurse. I
watched Drew hobble down the hallway and I wondered how much pain
he must have been feeling. "He shouldn't be here," I whispered to
Chris as we walked down the hallway.

     "Who, Nick?"

     "No, Drew. Look at him; he has to be in a lot of pain. Just
watching him walk is painful for me."

     "You know he's stubborn as hell. There's no way he's going
to be able to go to school tomorrow. He's pushed himself too hard
today."

     We walked in Nick's room and found Kyle's mother and some
woman in there. I watched as the woman touched Nick's face and I
knew she had to be his mother. She smiled at him, "My poor baby,"
she said. "Who did this to him?" She turned and looked at Drew.

     "Some guys from school."

     "Why?" she asked.

     "Because of me," Drew told her. "They hate me and he's my
friend and now he's hurt because of me."

     She opened her mouth to say something, but she changed her
mind and returned to rubbing Nick's face. I waited to hear Nick
make some comment about it not being Drew's fault, but Nick
didn't respond. I looked closer and realized that Nick hadn't
opened his eyes since I entered the room. "Is he sleep?"

     "The doctor gave him a sedative."

     I wondered if the doctor mentioned Nick's outburst earlier.
"Did he say why he gave him a sedative?"

     "I don't think that's any of your concern young man."

     That comment shut me up until Kyle's mother called me.
"Pat."

     "Yes."

     "Do you know where my son was off to in such a hurry?"

     "Um."

     "You do, don't you?"

     "Well, I, he, um, I think"

     "Just tell me."

     "I think he went to school to find the other guys who
attacked Nick."

     "And you didn't go with him?"

     I couldn't believe she thought I should have gone with him.
"Well, I didn't think that was the best idea. I mean the school
has pretty much made it clear that they're supporting the other
guys and"

     "I think you misunderstood me. I'm not saying you should
have gone with him to find those boys, I'm only saying that you
should have gone with him. What kind of boyfriend are you if
you're not there when he needs you?" She was looking me directly
in the eye, and for the first time I noticed that Kyle inherited
his mother's eyes. "I love my son, but I also know my son. He
doesn't stand up for himself much, but he's always been overly
protective of Nick. And I should know because I have been to the
Principal's office several times because of his foolishness." She
shook her head and paused for a second. "You seem like a level
headed young man from what little I know about you. Maybe you
could have calmed him down some, that's all." She looked down at
the floor. "But it's wrong of me to ask you to do that. You are
not his keeper and I guess I can't expect you to pretend to be."
She let out a sigh. "I'm so scared of what he might have done or
might be doing right now." She sighed again. "Why did I let him
take the car? I saw that look in his eyes and I knew he was
angry, but I just let him go."

     "I'm sure he'll be fine," said Chris, who knew Kyle the
least out of everyone in the room.

     "Well, Nick should be out for a while so why don't you boys
go home and get some rest," she said.

     "It's not that late yet," Drew protested.

     "You're the one who looks like they need some rest. Please
go home and relax and I'll have Kyle call you if Nick wakes up
before visiting hours are over."

     "But"

     "Listen," she pointed her finger at him, "I know I'm not
your mother, but I am telling you what you need to do. Now go get
some rest."

     Chris walked up next to Drew. "She's right, we should go.
You need rest and I need to talk to Jessica." Chris turned Drew
around and gently guided him towards the door. "Goodbye
everyone," Chris said. He knew me well enough to know that I
wasn't leaving.

     "Bye. I'll call you if anything changes." Then they were
gone. I looked over and Nick's mother was still on the bed next
to him, staring at him. She seemed oblivious to what was going on
around her, but I understood why. Her entire world was in that
bed so of course everything else was insignificant. I walked to
the open seat and pulled it a little away from the bed. I sat
down and felt the unmistakable feeling of someone staring at me.
I knew who it was, so I forced my eyes to look at her. Kyle's
mother was watching me intently. "If it's okay, I'd like to stay
until Kyle gets back," I told her.

     "You've already made yourself comfortable so I guess you
might as well."

     No one seemed big on the idea of having a conversation, so
we all sat there in our own worlds. I worried about Kyle. Kyle's
mother worried about who knows what, and Nick's mother hovered
over him as if he was going to run away if she took her eyes off
of him.

     "Pat." I heard someone whisper. I glanced up at Kyle's
mother and I heard it again, "Pat." It wasn't coming from her.
"Pat, psst." That time I was able to figure out the voice
belonged to a guy and was coming from behind me. I turned around
but there was no one in the doorway. I stared at the doorway for
a couple of seconds and just when I was about to turn back
around, I saw Jeremy's head peep around the door. He nodded for
me to come in the hallway and I stood up and walked out the door.

     "What's going on?" I asked. "Where's Kyle?"

     He didn't answer me, instead, his eyes focused behind me. I
glanced over my shoulder and saw Kyle's mother standing in the
doorway. "I'm not deaf," she said as if that explained why she
was there. Jeremy still didn't speak. "Where is my son?"

     "I'm not supposed to tell you that." He dug in his pockets
and pulled out some keys. He handed them to her and she stepped
forward and took them. He went to move his hand back and she
grabbed his hand and held it.

     "Where is my son?" He bit his upper lip. "Is he okay? Tell
me where he is!" The distress in her voice broke my heart and
apparently Jeremy's too.

     "He got in a fight at the school and he was arrested. The
police took him to jail."

     "Oh God, my baby! I have to go see him." She walked back in
the room. "Beth. Beth!" Nick's mother turned and looked at her.
"Kyle has gotten himself in to some trouble and I have to go get
him. Are you going to be okay?"

     "I'll be fine."

     "I'll send my husband to pick you up later," she said as she
walked to her seat and grabbed her coat and purse.

     "You don't have to do that. I'm going to stay with my baby
tonight and I'll see tomorrow."

     "Beth, you need to go home and get some rest. You're no good
to anyone if you can't function."

     "Don't worry about me. I'll pull up the chair if I have to
and I'll get some sleep, but I'm not leaving. I'm going to be
right here when he wakes up."

     "Okay." Kyle's mother hugged Beth. "Take care of yourself.
I'll see you tomorrow." She walked towards me and Jeremy.

     "Emily," she turned around and looked at Beth, "thanks for
everything and I hope Kyle is alright."

     "You know you don't have to thank me."

     I felt a pang in my heart as I saw the expression on Beth's
face and the worry on Kyle's mother's face when she turned
around. I would have given anything to have my mother show me
half the love these women had for their sons, but I knew I had
ruined it all. "Ms. Masters," she stopped and grabbed my arm.

     "No, you can't come with me. I'll have Kyle call you later,
if he can."

     I wanted nothing more than to go with her, but she denied me
the opportunity before I asked. "I just,"

     "I know you want to be there, but I don't think you should."
She surprised me when she pulled me in to a hug and then kissed
me on my cheek as she let go. "Don't you forget that you need
some rest, too."

     "Yes ma'am."

     She left Jeremy and me standing in the hallway. "What should
we do now?" asked Jeremy.

     "Do you know which room Eric is in?"

     "What about Nick?"

     "I think his mother needs a little privacy. Now do you know
where Eric is or not?"

     "I can ask my mother."

     "Okay, let's do that."

     "Why, are you going to hurt him?"

     "No, I just want to talk to him."

     "Are you sure?"

     "Yes, I'm sure." I remembered how Jeremy had incited Kyle
earlier and I wondered if Kyle would have left if Jeremy hadn't
showed up. I had to bite my tongue to keep from going off on him,
but I decided I would get the information first and then I would
tell him what an ass he was.

     Five minutes later, I was standing outside Eric's hospital
room. I left Jeremy with his mother because I needed to have a
private conversation with Eric. There was a cop standing at the
door and for a second I thought maybe Eric had been arrested, but
I knew better when the cop stopped me. "Where are you going?" he
asked.

     "I want to see Eric."

     "I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that."

     "Why not?"

     "Because he doesn't want visitors."

     "Tell him Pat wants to see him."

     "He doesn't want to see anyone."

     "Just tell him." The cop walked in the room and closed the
door.

     He came out two minutes later and said, "He will see you
now." I walked in the room. "The door is staying open so I can
keep an eye on you. Don't think about doing any funny business."

     I ignored him and sat down next to Eric's bed. "What do you
want?" he asked.

     "Why did you do it?"

     "Why do you care?"

     "Because you hurt a lot of people I care about and I think I
deserve to know why. You owe me that much."

     "I don't owe you anything!"

     "All I have to say is bowling alley, freshman year."

     "How can you go there?"

     "You left me no choice, now start talking."

     "What do you want to know? I can't explain why I did it. I
just wanted to beat him up, but I was in there with Aaron and
Kelso and the next thing I knew things were out of control and
they were egging me on." He stopped and I gave him a look that
told him to continue. "I used the small end of the microphone so
it shouldn't have hurt him that much. I'm sure the little fag has
had much bigger things shoved up his ass."

     "He's not gay!" I shouted.

     "Yes he is, but that doesn't fucking matter. I told you why
I did it. You can leave now."

     "We both know that reason is bullshit. You did it because of
the shit that happened to you, but Nick didn't do it." Eric
turned his head away from me. "Did you know that guy did the same
thing to Jeremy? I told you he was messed up but you were sure it
was only you."

     "Is that supposed to make me feel better? `It's okay Eric,
because the freak did someone else, too.' Well gee thanks Pat,
everything is great now."

     "You know I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that I
understand where you've been and I'm probably the only person
because I'm still the only person that knows besides him, aren't
I?"

     "Of course you're the only person who knows! I wouldn't tell
anyone about that. Hell, I wouldn't have told you if you hadn't
found me."

     "So why did you do it to Nick and why did you say those
things to Drew and John, you knew you would set them off."

     "I don't know. I guess I lost it with Nick and then I said
those things to Drew and John because I wanted to get to them. I
wanted to hurt them."

     "You get off on hurting people, don't you?"

     Half of his mouth smiled. "It does give me that little
tingle on the inside. It's the gift that keeps on giving."

     I stood up. "What happened to you? You used to be such a
good person."

     He focused on me and I watched as a serious expression
washed over his face. "We both know everything that was good in
me died that night."

     "That's not true! You were still a good person after that.
You didn't change until you found out about me. That's when your
personality went straight to hell." I leaned towards him and in a
softer voice said, "We can argue about when you changed all
night, but it won't change where we are right now. You can't
blame Don anymore. You're the one who hurt Nick, and John gave
you exactly what you deserved so don't look to me for sympathy
because I'm fresh out. I tolerated all the shit you put me
through after you found out about me. I even made excuses for
you! But I was wrong. You were wrong. I should have called you on
your shit back then, and if I could make things different, I
would, but I can't rewind our lives and go back, so I guess we're
stuck." I paused. "I never thought you would cross that line
especially with what you went through. I guess I really don't
know who you are anymore, and truthfully I don't care to find
out." I felt the pain of losing him all over again. "What breaks
my heart the most is knowing that you're better than the person
you've become." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as hard as I
could. Through gritted teeth I told him, "I'm only going to say
this once so listen closely. I never want to speak to you again."
We hadn't actually spoken to each other in two years but the pain
that I saw in his eyes at hearing my words let me know that part
of him was wounded. Our unspoken agreement was now set in stone.
I continued, "And if you so much as look at one of my friends the
wrong way, you're going to need ten of those cops to stop me from
finishing what John started." I let go of his hand and was about
to turn around and leave when I felt him grab my arm. I looked
down at the questioning look on his face and ripped my arm away.
There was nothing more to say.

     I walked out of his hospital room and was surprised to find
that I felt calm for the first time all day, like a weight had
been lifted off my shoulders. I walked by Nick's room and glanced
in. His mother was still sitting with him. I went to the
emergency waiting room to see Jeremy. "How'd it go?" he asked.

     I sat down next to him. "I guess it went as expected."

     "And that means?"

     "We buried our friendship two years ago and tonight I
finally put the headstone on the grave."

     "English please."

     "That was English."

     "Dude, don't be cryptic about it, you were gone for a little
while. Did you beat him up some more?"

     "I would never hurt him."

     "You should. He's an asshole. People like him disgust me."

     I glanced at the clock on the wall and wondered what I was
still doing at the hospital. I should have left after I talked to
Eric. "Don't be so harsh on Eric. You two have more in common
than you think."

     "What? How can you compare me to him?"

     "You're two sides of the same coin. You talk the talk, and
he walks the walk." The words flowed directly from my mind out of
my mouth and in to Jeremy's ear before even I had time to
understand that I was having an epiphany. I looked over at Jeremy
and he was staring at me with disbelief on his face. "I had every
plan to come out here and tell you what an asshole you were for
getting Kyle riled up earlier, but now that doesn't seem so
important. I'm sure Kyle will be fine and he has no one to blame
but himself. I can't expect Eric to take responsibility for his
actions if I don't expect the same from Kyle." I paused as my
eyes found the floor. "I need to ask a favor of you."

     "Sure, anything, Captain."

     Hearing him call me that made me smile, but my smile faded
when I thought about what I was going to ask him to do. "I need
you to go talk to Eric."

     "Huh? I'll do anything but that! Why do you want me to talk
to him?"

     "I need you to tell him about what happened to you because I
think he needs to hear it and frankly, I think you need to talk
about it."

     "You're crazy! How can you ask me to tell him something like
that? And who are you to tell me what I need to talk about? I'm
fine."

     "No you're not. Neither of you are. You're both screwed up
for the same fucking reason. Now I'm asking you, as your Captain,
and as someone who sees what's going on with both of you, please
talk to him. He needs a friend like you right now."

     "I thought you hated him," he said. "Why would you want him
to have a friend?"

     "Because even on my worst days, I guess I'm a better person
than I want to be. I wish I could completely turn my back on him,
but I can't. I know what he needs right now and I know I can't
give it to him. And before you say anything else, yes I know he's
a bastard for what he did to Nick and I realize that he's not a
nice person, but even not so nice people deserve compassion
sometimes."

     "In case you didn't know, Eric and I aren't exactly friends.
What do you want me to do, walk in his room and tell him what
happened to me like we're good friends? Why does he need to know
what happened?"

     "Jeremy! Are you serious? Do you not get it?" I wiped my
face with my hand and prepared to stop beating around the bush.
Part of me felt guilty that I was about to betray Eric's trust,
but another part of me screamed that I was doing the best thing
for everyone. "His secret is your secret." He was silent so I
looked over at him. Jeremy had that sick look on his face again.
"Jeremy, are you okay?"

     "You mean?"

     "One guess who Eric's `big brother' on the football team
was."

     "Don?"

     I shook my head. "Now do you get it?" He nodded. I sat back
in my chair. "Eric used to be the sweetest boy you ever wanted to
meet," I whispered to myself.

     "Well he's a real creep now," Jeremy said.

     "People react in different ways." I paused. "So will you
talk to him?"

     "I guess I will. Are you going to be here when I get back?"

     "No. I need to go home."

     "Oh, well will you give me your phone number so I can call
you?"

     "Sure." After I gave him my number, I told him, "There's a
guard at Eric's door. If he hassles you, tell him to let Eric
know Pat sent you."

     "Okay." He made a strange face at me and then I saw a small
smile as he said, "You're going to owe me big for doing this."

     "I know."

     "Alright, I'm going." He took three steps.

     "Jeremy!" He turned around. "Thank you."

     "You're welcome."

     He was gone, but I remained in my seat trying to figure out
what I was doing. I wondered if I was still the Captain of
anything, but I couldn't focus on that long because my mind was
too busy thinking about Kyle. I really wanted to hear from him.

     After about ten minutes of staring at the clock, my eyes
wandered to a small sign by the door leading to the back. `Shit,'
I thought. I fumbled my cell phone in my hand as I frantically
pulled it out of my pocket. I turned it on and almost dropped it
when it started ringing.
Lustyville 2006
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