Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 11:00:49 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Science of Us-Part 29. The Day the World Changed (Pat)

     Drew was wearing blue and white plaid boxers. His body was a
mess of bruises, mostly old. A big pillow was lodged between his
back and the headboard and his right hand was holding a gun to
his head. He looked at me with a tear-streaked face before he
squeezed his eyes shut. There was a pregnant pause followed by
him lowering the gun and opening his eyes.

     "What the fuck are you doing here? I told you not to come!"
he bellowed across the room.

     I couldn't think of what to say. It's not everyday you walk
in on one of your good friends about to kill themselves. "I-I-I,"
I tried to will my brain to slow down and think. "I was worried
about you." I took a few tentative steps toward the bed and when
Drew didn't say anything or make any sudden moves, I took a few
more steps.

     "I can't live like this," he said in an eerily low tone.
"I'm sick of it and I'm not going to take it anymore so just
leave me alone."

     "This is not the answer."

     "Then what is?" The angry sound that came from him made me
take an involuntary step back. "Stick around and fight with him
until college? I've had enough of this shit! I hit him back for
the first time in my life last night and my mother jumped on me.
On me! And what about school? I've made things worse for
everyone, even you. Nobody cared that you were gay, but I made
them care. I fucked up everything! Eric hurt Nick because of me.
John went to jail because of me! All this shit is because of me!"
Fresh tears began to fall down his cheeks. He was riding a wave
of emotions that had me afraid he might lift the gun again and
actually shoot himself.

     "Don't be so full of yourself!" someone shouted from behind
me. John ran by me and grabbed the gun out of Drew's hand. "How
could you do this to me?" he asked. "After all that we've been
through together, you were going to leave me? Like this? Like
this! I thought we talked about this! You couldn't do it without
me and I promised not to do it without you. Why didn't you just
tell me how you felt? I can't believe you!" I watched as John
took the bullets out of the gun and threw the gun to the other
side of the room.

     "What the hell is going on in here?"

     I looked at the door and saw two cops standing there. John
answered the question. "This is my friend and he's being abused
by his father. Now what are you going to do about it?"

     "He's lying!" Drew shouted.

     "Shut up Drew! You just tried to kill yourself because of
that loser! I think it's time you got help."

     "It wasn't because of him," Drew protested.

     One of the cops saw the gun on the floor. "Is that a
registered firearm?"

     "Yes," Drew said.

     "And he was going to use it to kill himself. I took the
bullets out when I got here." John held up his hand and showed
the cops the bullets. "You have to help him Matthew!"

     "What do you want me to do, John? He doesn't want to turn
his father in and I can't make him. I can take him in for
psychiatric help because he tried to off himself, but that's all
I can do."

     "Wow, way to be sensitive Matthew! My father paid you good
money this morning. You need to help me!"

     "Look here you little twit, your father paid me to make sure
you didn't get arrested again. He didn't say shit about helping
your faggy friends."

     "I'm asking you to do your fucking job." John's tone scared
me. I had never seen him so angry.

     "Don't try to tell me what my job is!"

     "Is this whole damn town against us?" I asked.

     "It's my fault," Drew whispered.

     John pointed his index finger at Drew and shouted, "Shut
up!"

     "Your father isn't paying me enough for this teen drama so
call me when you have a problem I can help you with," Matthew
nodded at his partner, "Let's go." They left the room and John
and I were alone with Drew.

     "Will you watch him for a minute?" he asked.

     I wondered where the hell he was going, but I quickly
responded, "Sure." I was petrified of being alone with Drew, but
I knew I needed to be strong. John left the room and I sat on the
bed next to Drew. I was hoping he would say something.
Unfortunately he stared off in to space and I joined him. I
didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to fix what was wrong
with him and I was afraid that saying something to him might make
it worse, so I embraced the silence and told myself we both
needed it in order to reflect on the gravity of what almost
happened. John seemed to be gone forever and the silence dragged
on and on as I gathered my thoughts one by one on the tips of my
fingers.

     "Is there something on your hands?" whispered a voice next
to me.

     I jerked my head and found myself nose to nose with Drew. "I
was just thinking." He looked away and fell silent again. "Were
you really going to do it?" I whispered. The question wasn't
directed at him, it was more like a thought rushing out of my
mouth before my brain could pull it back.

     He showed no visible reaction. He was quiet for a few
minutes and I was relieved when I thought maybe I didn't really
ask the question out loud. I was about to write it off as my
imagination when he said, "I don't know, probably, maybe." A few
seconds passed. "I mean I could have." He paused again. "I was
going to. I was planning it." He stopped for a moment and I
realized he wasn't all there. He seemed dazed. "I just. I don't
know. Maybe I wanted someone to stop me." It occurred to me that
he was rambling. "I should have done it when I got off the phone,
but I kept stopping myself. I kept thinking of things I should do
and people I should talk to. I don't know. I almost did it." He
stopped again before saying, "I thought I heard the backdoor.
Then I heard you running around the house screaming my name and I
thought, `it's now or never.' I put the gun to my head and I
wanted to pull the trigger so badly and just get it over with and
I probably would have, but I couldn't bring myself to do it with
you in the house. You didn't deserve to find me like that." He
shook his head and I barely heard him say, "I should have done it
hours ago."

     I felt inept because I didn't know how to respond to what he
was telling me. I knew he would have killed himself if I hadn't
shown up when I did and that only made me feel more out of touch
with the situation. I can't explain the surreal numbing effect of
knowing that I stopped him from killing himself. He stopped
rambling and returned to his silent stare. I wanted to say
something to him to make him feel better, so I desperately
searched my brain in hopes of discovering the right combination
of words but I couldn't think of any words that would bring peace
to his troubled mind. I welcomed our uncomfortable silence like
an old friend.

     "Get up!" John yelled as he walked in the room with two
suitcases and a big duffel bag.

     "What's that?" Drew asked.

     "Everything you're taking with you." He unzipped one of the
suitcases and threw some clothes at Drew. "Put them on." Drew
looked at him and they made eye contact for a few seconds before
John smiled and his face softened, "I mean it, get moving."

     I sat still as Drew took his time to stand up next to the
bed and put on his clothes. "Now what?" he asked John.

     "Let's go."

     "Where?"

     "Somewhere safe."

     "Where?"

     "Remember that plan we made?"

     "Yeah."

     "I think it's time to put it in to action."

     "But the school year isn't over yet."

     "We can finish school somewhere else."

     "What?" I asked. "You guys are leaving?"

     John looked at me like he had forgotten I was in the room
then he made a face that caused me to regret intruding on their
private conversation. He and Drew made eye contact and John
raised an eyebrow and glanced in my direction. I waited while the
two communicated without words. Finally, John turned to me and
said, "After what we're going to do, we won't have any other
choice."

     "What are you going to do?"

     "It's better if you don't know."

     "John, what the fuck are you talking about?"

     He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Look, I wish we could
stay. We wanted to finish school with everyone and then leave,
but I don't think Drew can make it that long and I'm ready to
move on too. I think I've had about as much of this town and my
father as I can take."

     "Do you really have to leave?" I asked while I prayed that
his answer would be different.

     "Yes."

     "You're not going to go shoot up the town are you?"

     "Pat, don't be ridiculous! You know us better than that."

     "Then why won't you tell me what the fuck you're up to?"

     "Just tell him," Drew said.

     "Fine. My father has been having an affair with the mayor's
wife."

     "What!"

     "Drew and I sort of have some pictures that we've been
sitting on since we were fifteen and"

     "Why would you sit on something like that?"

     "Because we didn't know what would happen if the truth came
out. We kind of went through my father's stuff and found a letter
saying he was the father of Don and not the mayor."

     "Wow!"

     "Exactly. It may not be true but just the possibility that
it could be is enough to have my father giving money to the mayor
so he won't say anything."

     "The mayor knows?" I was dumbfounded.

     "He's always known. That's probably why he treats Don like
shit."

     "Okay, but I still don't get it, what are you going to do
now?"

     "Take a page out of my father's book and use a little
blackmail."

     "Blackmail who?"

     "My father."

     "Are you crazy? You know he won't react well to you trying
some shit like that."

     "He will if all I'm asking for is money. Hell, he'll
probably admire me for taking some initiative and I'm sure once I
tell him the truth about me and Drew he'll be falling over
himself trying to get rid of me. I should have done this before.
It was unfair of me to ask Drew to keep suffering when I could
have done something about it. I know my father isn't nearly as
rough with me as Drew's father is with him and I still left him
here. I should have tried this years ago then Drew and I could be
somewhere else just enjoying each other's company."

     "So you two are together now?" John's smile answered my
question. I knew they hadn't done much physically because Drew
was sore, but I wondered why they hadn't told the rest of us. I
shook off that thought and tried to think of something
appropriate to say. "What if your plan doesn't work?"

     "Then we'll kill him," John said. I wasn't sure if he was
serious or not.

     "Umm."

     "Okay, maybe we won't kill him, but I don't know what we'll
do. I have to get Drew away from here."

     "Did you ever stop to think that maybe running away isn't
the answer?"

     "Why don't you tell your parents that!" he sniped. I was
shocked that John of all people would go there with me. He wasn't
the type to be catty or cruel. His face immediately apologized
and he rushed towards me. "Oh my God Pat, I am so sorry. I didn't
mean that. I'm just not thinking straight right now." He pulled
me to my feet and then put his arms around me and said, "I'm
going to miss you the most."

     "I'm going to miss you too," I told him. I put my lips close
to his ear and said as quietly as possible, "Make sure he gets
the help he needs."

     "I will." He gave me a light squeeze. "You guys can come
visit us once we get settled." He released me from the hug and
forced a smile, "We'll keep in contact. I'll pay our cell phone
bills so you guys can reach us whenever you want to and we'll
call you guys to let you know where we are and to check in on all
of you."

     "I wish there was another way."

     "There isn't." He turned to Drew and said, "Why don't you
say goodbye and then we'll go to my place."

     Drew walked over to me. His movements were almost robotic.
"What can I say? You've always been there for me and I don't want
to say goodbye so I'm not going to. I'll see you soon, just try
not to forget about me." He sounded so pitiful and he still
looked like his mind was on another planet. I wanted to hug him
but I wasn't sure how much pain my touch would cause him so I put
my arms around him and left a little space between my arms and
his body. He knocked the air out of me when he pulled me closer
and squeezed me tightly. I wondered how anyone as strong as Drew
could want to kill themselves then I realized that his physical
strength had nothing to do with what was going on in his head.
The hug ended way too soon for me, but I forced myself to let go.

     "I'll walk you guys to the car," I told them. I tried to
keep my voice in check, but I knew my voice cracked a few times.
I grabbed the two suitcases and John carried the duffel bag and
helped Drew as he hobbled out the house. I wondered what Drew
must be feeling to go from almost killing himself to running away
and leaving his home behind, potentially forever. I hoped he
could handle his new life and I prayed that he and John would be
able to find the happiness that had always eluded them, but most
of all, I prayed that their plan would work.

     We hurried out of the house like we were all running from
something. I helped Drew get comfortable in the backseat and then
I said goodbye. John pulled me to the side and said, "I need to
ask a favor of you."

     "What?"

     "If things go according to plan, I'm going to send you a
package in a few weeks with some interesting information in it
and I need you to promise me that you'll use it."

     "What do you want me to do exactly?"

     "Expose them all for who they really are."

     "Why won't you do it?"

     "Because I think some of the information may be about Drew
and I don't want him to have to think about what he's been
through and honestly, I'm too afraid to do anything. You may not
think so, but you're the strongest out of all of us."

     He was right about that part. I thought I was weak compared
to all of them. "I'm not that strong," I protested.

     "Yes you are and Kyle makes you stronger. You can show the
package to him if you want to because I know he's going to help
you do what needs to be done."

     "How much information do you have?"

     "I don't know yet, but I'm sure it's a lot."

     He didn't have the information yet and I knew there was only
one place he could get that kind of information from, but I
questioned him anyway. "How are you going to get this
information?'

     "I'm going to steal it from my father's safe before we
leave."

     "Won't he come after you?"

     "Why? He has copies in safe deposit boxes and he rarely goes
in his safe anyway. If he does go in it soon, he'll probably just
think I used it to blackmail some of the people, but blackmail is
too good for them. They need to have the whole world know what
they did. Do you understand?"

     "Yes."

     "Will you help me?"

     "Of course." I didn't understand what I was getting myself
in to, but I would have promised him the world if it guaranteed I
would hear from them again.

     "Thank you." He hugged me and said, "Maybe one day Drew and
I will come home."

     "Maybe." He surprised me when he kissed me on my cheek.

     "Goodbye Pat."

     "Goodbye John."

     He walked around the car and got in the driver's seat. I
watched them drive off and I wondered if I should follow them or
call someone for help, but then I noticed a cop car pull behind
them and follow them down the road. I stood there, staring at the
empty road as my mind created thoughts of revenge. I wanted the
people who hurt my friends and me to know what it felt like to
have a hole in your heart from being stabbed in it so many times.
All any of us ever wanted was to be loved and that didn't seem
like too much of a request. I finally got in my car and called
Chris.

     "Hello."

     "John and Drew are gone." Chris didn't say anything.
"Chris?"

     "I can't deal with this right now," he whispered.

     "What's going on?"

     "It's Jessica. I'll talk to you later." He hung up the phone
and my head started spinning. I knew his abruptness had something
to do with Jessica but I was clueless and for some reason,
feeling clueless in that moment made me feel powerless as well,
like life was going on without me and I was losing contact with
everyone who mattered to me, like I was grasping at sand and
little grains were slipping through my open fingers. I wanted
something to hold on to, something that made me feel safe. I
started my car and drove to the hospital.

     I walked through the halls of the hospital with one thought
in mind. I walked in Nick's room and everyone looked at me. Both
Kyle and Nick's mothers stopped talking so they could watch me as
I walked swiftly across the room. Kyle and Nick had worried
expressions on their faces. Kyle stood up and asked, "Are you
okay?" Everyone else in the room disappeared and I focused on
him.

     I threw myself in his arms and fell apart. "They're gone," I
told him. "They're gone. They're gone."

     He stroked my back. "Who's gone?"

     "John and Drew."

     "What happened to them?"

     "They're leaving Clairmont. They're running away."

     "It's okay Pat. It's going to be okay." I believed him when
he said it.

     "Why does everyone keep leaving me?" I whispered, hoping he
would somehow have the answer, but he didn't.

     He rubbed his fingers through my hair and kissed the side of
my face and then he said, "I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to
hurt so much, but it's okay. Let it out." His words were music to
my ears and I closed my eyes and held on to the person who had
become my whole world.

c Lustyville 2007
Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my
other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville