Date: Sat, 09 Jan 1999 23:25:38 GMT
From: Gay Teen Stories <gayteenstories@bigfoot.com>
Subject: Scott and Jeff Chapter 5

This chapter contains some of my internal religious struggles. I am
not writing it to persuade anyone to believe the same way that I do. I
am only showing the conflict that I live with daily. Sorry in advance
if I offend anyone's beliefs.


The sun's rays slowly filled my room. I found myself on my side and
dangerously close to the edge of my bed. There was an extra arm draped
across my chest that didn't belong to me. Still sleeping, Scott was
spooned behind me. The skin on his chest radiated warmth. His gentle
breath caused the hair on my neck to stand out.

I was still only semi-conscious, slowly becoming more aware of my
surroundings. I felt my waist. I had stripped down to my boxers... but
I don't remember doing that. My hands moved behind me to Scott's waist
and found that he had only boxers on as well. My hand didn't want to
let go of his body. I pulled on him slightly and our bodies grew
closer together. I was pleasantly surprised to find his morning wood
pressing into my crack. He must've been having a good dream. I gently
pushed myself against him, attempting to wedge his cock further into
me.

"Uh, Jeff?"

I froze, I couldn't speak.

Scott spoke quietly, "What are you doing?" I could hear the smile in
his voice.

"Umm..." I couldn't think of an excuse. He hadn't moved at all. His
hard, cloth-covered cock was still firmly planted between my buttocks.

He chuckled, "Yeah, that's what I thought. You tried to take advantage
of your best friend while he slept? That's low." No matter how hard he
tried, he couldn't make himself sound serious. He pulled away and sat
up, with his back facing me. "I'm gonna jump in the shower." As he
made his way to the bathroom door, he pulled off his boxers in one
stooping step. I couldn't help but smile as I stared at his cute
little ass. He half-turned to speak, laughed and shook his head when
he caught me staring. "Man! I was just about to make a joke about the
bathroom being off limits, but I think I'll just lock the door!"

I stayed in bed as he showered. I don't remember drifting back to
sleep, but suddenly he was standing in front of me. The sun light
glistened on his water-covered chest. Droplets from his hair dribbled
onto his pecks and raced down his stomach, disappearing into the towel
which was loosely draped around his waist. Admittedly, his body wasn't
as developed as Ben's or Dave's. Scott had a more boyish quality than
they did. My mind started to drift into fantasy land. In my mental
world I was standing in front of him, tracing the path of the water
drops until my fingers were absorbed into the terry cloth towel as
well. I'd pluck it open and let it drop to the floor as he frantically
waved his arms... What?

"JEFF!!" 

I snapped back to my dramatically less interesting life. "Huh?"

"I've never seen that look before."

"What look?"

"The one you just gave me. I've seen a lot of different looks, but
never that one... Not even in the locker room with Ben."

"Oh, I'm still half-asleep. I'm just out of it."

I jumped as the phone rang, relieved to get out of the conversation.
Scott grabbed the phone and tossed it to me. "Oh, hi hon! It's mom."
My mother had grown up in Minnesota and even though she left years
ago, she'd never lost the accent. "It's official, you're an uncle! Can
you believe it?? You have a niece! Oh, and on your birthday too,
that's just so special."

"It'll be easy to remember. What'd they name her?"

"Alexis. Doncha just love it? Oh, and she's just a doll! Happy
birthday to you too, kiddo. How'd you celebrate?"

"Scott and I just watched a video and he spent the night." Scott
grinned and shook his head. He'd told me before that he thought that I
tell my parents too much of the truth sometimes, that I should just
completely lie about stuff. But, this way, I'm not really lying and
it's easy to remember what I told them.

"Oh, that was sure nice of him."

"Yeah, it was nice. I had a good time. I really only wanted a quiet
night at home... and I got it."

"Well, that's good." Then my mother sent her warning sigh that
indicated bad news was on its way. "Your father's coming home early.
There's a little emergency at work that he has to tend to... nothing
he can't handle. So don't worry about it." Eighteen years with my
mother had taught me that she only told me not to worry when there
actually was something to worry about. Something major. Something bad.
"He can tell you more about it when he gets home. Have you been
keeping yourself fed?"

I looked over at Scott as he seductively peeled back his towel while
he flashed some sexy looks. I raised my eyebrows and looked down at
his cock. "Actually, I'm a little hungry right now..."

Scott tried to muffle his laughter and closed his towel again. He
mouthed, "Fag!"

"Go get a pizza from the freezer, I bought the kind you like. Oh, and
there's some leftover macaroni in the fridge."

"I already ate the macaroni." I said with a grin as I thought back to
Ben feeding me on the couch. Scott noted my expression and seemed both
intrigued and disturbed by it. "Mom, you're a grandma now!"

"Oh!" She laughed, "Hon, don't say things like that! It makes me feel
so old! I've gotta get going, but you be good 'till your father gets
home, alrighty? Love you, Jeffy."

"Love you too, mom." I hung up.

Scott mocked me, "Love you too, mom. Right as we're about to get
stoned."

"What? Who said anything about getting stoned?"

"I guess I just did." He smiled. I showered while he got dressed in a
shirt of mine -- or actually, I may have borrowed it from him months
ago... I don't remember.

After a breakfast of cold cereal, we walked through my back yard,
through a patch of evergreens, and past a few houses before arriving
at Scott's house. His car was at the curb and we got in. He pulled the
stuffed penguin from the back seat and started to drive. I knew the
penguin well; Howie had a drawstring anus and as I opened it up, the
familiar sweet smell of marijuana drifted up to my nose. Like Pavlov's
dogs, my mouth begin to water in anticipation. I packed the pipe and
finished just as Scott turned onto a long secluded road leading
through a back way to the local park. It had tall trees that met above
the road and formed a speckled canopy with the afternoon sun piercing
through the dancing leaves. I passed the pipe and he lit up. The image
of his naked body was burned on my mind, he had never given me such a
view. I wasn't quite sure what to say... We drove in silence along the
winding path, passing the pipe back and forth until we came upon the
most secluded picnic table. He parked and by the time we were ready to
get out, we'd cashed the last of it out and I tapped the ash on the
parking lot pavement. We quickly adjusted to our altered state and sat
at the table. The wind rustled the leaves in the trees and baby birds
chirped on a nearby branch. The world was alive with vibrant colors,
flooded with encompassing sound. The breeze was cool and gentle, gusts
tossed Scott's hair.

Scott cleared his throat, "I have a question."

"Oh no..." I smiled.

"What was your first gay memory?"

"My first memory? The first thought I recognized as being gay? Whoa...
lemme think."

"No more than a couple years ago, I'm sure."

I laughed, "No... much longer ago than that! It was while watching
Sesame Street."

"Awww... did you have a crush on Bert?" He elbowed me.

"No, Ernie was better looking anyway. Bert had that uni-brow. I always
wanted to get out the tweezers." I became silent, I didn't want to
tell the rest of my confession if I didn't have to.

"Okay, so you were turned on by that Snuffle-whatever. Yup that's it!
It was that long, hairy trunk, huh?"

"No, it was one of those video clips that broke up the main show.
There was a tiny little cartoon mountain climber drawn on top of a
real kid. He dangled from a rope in front of the kid's mouth and flew
back as the kid breathed."

"So, you wanted to be the kid and have a little man exploring your
body?" He cocked his head in confusion.

I closed my eyes and rubbed out some sleep. "No... I wanted to explore
the boy's body."

Scott laughed, "What did you want to do? Crawl up his ass?"

I chuckled, "I remember thinking that I wanted to do some repelling...
into his pants."

"You are one sick mother fucker, you know that? How old were you?" He
ran his fingers through his hair. "But, damn! That cock would've been
huge in comparison!" I laughed all my air out. I laughed until I
started coughing and once I got going, I couldn't stop. 

Scott saw the tears forming in my eyes, and asked if I was alright. I
kept coughing but nodded. "Jeff, you should really do something about
that." He reached into his pocket. "Cigarette?"

I laughed even harder at his irony, but took the cigarette anyway. I
got my coughing under control, lit it and took a drag. We sat silent
for a few minutes.

Scott looked ready to ask another question. "Does it bother you that I
call you 'fag' all the time?"

"What? Are you kidding? I'm beginning to think it's my name. I heard
someone say it in the hall the other day and I thought they were
talking to me. Why would it bother me?"

"So, you're going to change your name then?"

"You obviously didn't catch my sarcasm."

"Or, maybe you didn't catch mine." He got out another cigarette and
lit it. "So how much does it bother you?"

"Scott, are you turning into a therapist? Since when have you cared
how much stuff bothers me? You always just speak your mind, that
something I can always count on, I like it that way. You never have to
walk on eggshells. If you wanna call me a 'fag,' call me a 'fag.'

"As long as you know I'm joking."

I tried to comfort him. "Oh Scott, I never take anything you say
seriously."

He sighed, "I know." If he wasn't Scott, I'd say he sounded hurt.

We finished our cigarettes and tossed them into the woods. I turned to
Scott, "Wanna go?"

He responded by gathering his pack and lighter and standing up. We
walked back to the car and drove back out of the park and onto a main
road. Scott looked in his rear view mirror and slapped his hand
against the steering wheel. I quickly turned in my seat, "What? Cops?"

"No, worse... your boyfriend."

Dave was close behind us, motioning us over. Scott pulled into a
convenient store parking lot. We all got out and met between the cars.
Dave smiled, "Hey, how's it going?"

Scott just nodded. I answered, "I'm doing alright, you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. What about you, Scott?"

"Just peachy."

"So, Dave why are you over in this area?"

"To stop over to see you." He smiled. Scott rolled his eyes.

"Oh! Don't do that again!" I blurted out before realizing he'd
probably take it wrong.

Dave looked puzzled.

"No, I mean, my dad's coming home tonight. It wouldn't be safe
anymore. That's all."

We chatted a little about some inconsequential stuff then Scott spoke
up, "Well, I think I'm taking off. Jeff, you coming?"

I laughed to myself, thinking 'Not yet, but I should be cumming pretty
soon.' I looked to Dave then back to Scott. Scott had no where to be,
what was his problem? Dave thought he was helping but only complicated
the issue by offering to take me home.

Scott was now sitting half-way in his car. "Well?" Scott had gotten me
so horny this morning but I knew if it was action I wanted, Dave was
the man.

Scott recognized I had made my decision and tried to leave with some
dignity. He closed the door and drove off.

Dave winced and pulled the corners of his mouth down. "Doesn't look
like he's calmed down much."

"Actually, he's been pretty cool lately. He spent the night last
night."

"Should I be jealous?"

"No..." unfortunately... "You wanna go somewhere?" I asked with an
unmistakable seductive tone and expression on my face. I stared into
his eyes.

"Wanna drive?" He tossed his keys to me.

"Are you sure?" I drove cautiously back to the park, to the exact
table Scott and I had just been.

Dave turned and smiled curiously, "You're acting really strange."

"What? How? What do you mean? It's probably just my libido."

"No... I've seen you horny before... it's not that."

I parked and he followed as I walked for the woods. He grabbed for my
hand, I shook free. "Not yet! Hold on!"

I led him on a narrow winding dirt path into the woods until we were
surrounded by dense trees headed slightly down into a little valley.

I turned and felt his hands plant themselves on my hips. Our lips met
in a tender kiss. His full lips tugging my mouth open. Our tongues
exchanged mouths and he pulled away abruptly.

His face was scrunched. "Jeff! You've been smoking!"

I tried to apologize, "I didn't know it would be that strong..."

"Are you kidding? I feel like I just licked an ashtray!"

His harshness made me push him away.

He paused for a second, tasted his tongue again and looked shocked,
"You've been smoking pot too! Jeff... oh, Jeff... you seem like a
smart guy. What the hell are you doing to yourself??"

My mouth was gaping, deeply resenting the fatherly role he thought he
had the right to adopt. I tried to keep my cool and responded with a
snippy, "Just having fun."

"And turning yourself into an idiot! If you're using regularly, you'll
just keep making yourself more and more stupid!"

"What about your hemp necklace? I thought you'd be cool about it."

"You can't assume anything from a necklace! My ex-girlfriend gave that
to me." He looked away, trying to regain his thought path, "But the
first thing to go is your ability to recognize that you're headed
downhill." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I've had too
many friends go stupid on me. Most don't even realize just how much
they've lost. They gave up all their possible future potential for a
few hours of temporary, fleeting happiness."

I don't take well to unsolicited advice, my face had turned red hot. I
tried to hold my voice down, "You have no right to tell me how to live
my life. You really don't know a damn thing about what I do and what I
deal with everyday. How dare you sit there and judge me!"

"What else are you into?"

"I'm into my own damn business, why don't you get into yours!"

"Acid?"

I didn't respond.

"Shrooms?"

I looked away. But then, I decided I could have more fun pissing him
off than sitting silent, "Oh yeah, all the time... I'm shroomin' once
or twice a week, sometimes before school. Crank to help me stay up to
study. Oh, and I've found a really good supplier for coke..."

He pulled at his hair. His eyes had softened, he realized how upset
he'd gotten me, "I don't even know if I should take you seriously or
not. How can you be so sarcastic or casual -- or whatever you are --
about such dangerous stuff?"

"Hey, I know what I'm doing. I can take care of myself."

"Jeff, I've had friends who've told me that before. One of them is
dead now."

That shook me a little, "OD?"

"No, we were all tripping at this party, and this girl thought that...
she thought she was being attacked by wild animals." He tried to hold
back his emotions. "She stabbed herself to death trying to kill them."
I felt a chill that made my hair stand out and it told me he was telling
the truth.

I feel odd saying this, but I felt the presence of someone standing
close to us. It was a girl, she was next to Dave. I'm not a believer of
ghosts and I really don't have an explanation. The more I looked at her,
the clearer she became. She had shoulder length curly red hair, and she
was bathed in the most beautiful white light I had ever seen. She looked
over at me, her eyes looked straight through to my soul. She had her
hand on Dave's back and she turned and stared at his face.

My mouth refused to cooperate with me, I couldn't form any words. I just
watched him sob quietly until he continued. "I used to do a lot of
shit. Shit I never thought I would ever do. After that night, I checked
into rehab... I've been clean ever since." Then some anger surfaced
again, the girl faded, "So don't think I don't know you think it's fun!
Don't think I haven't been there, that I don't have a right to lecture
you! I DO know it makes you stupid and it IS a gateway drug, no matter
how many people try and convince you it's not.  They're only trying to
convince themselves... I've been there." He wiped his eyes and looked at
me. "I just don't ever want to have another friend be hurt or limited by
drugs. And statistically, gay teens are at higher risk for drug and
alcohol abuse, as well as suicide. Because all the stress you're trying
to escape..."

"You sound like an after school special. Is this the part where I
promise that I'll never do it again?"

"Jeff..."

"I'm sorry... I'm just not sure that I'm ready to stop." He looked
surprised. "I can tell the experience had a profound impact on your
life... but whether I want to stop is something I have to figure out
for myself."

"But why put yourself through all that? Just to learn what a mistake
it is? Remember, you're stoned right now, so you're a little biased.
Promise that you'll rethink it when you have a clearer head."

"I promise that I'll think about it."

"Jeff, do you believe in God?"

"What the hell does that have to do with this?"

He laughed, "It has everything to do with this!"

"I'm not in the mood to philosophize about the metaphysical or about
the existence or nonexistence of a supernatural being." I paused for a
second. "If there is a God, why is there so much evil and pain and
suffering? Huh?

"We are all given the most beautiful gift ever given. Complete freedom
of choice. God COULD force everyone to do good. He COULD make it so
everyone would return to live with Him in heaven. But He doesn't. Why?
Because this life is a test. A test to see how serious we are about
our belief that he exists and He is our Lord. Every decision we make
every day shows our level of commitment."

"Ok, what about you, preacher boy. The God I've been taught about
frowns on what you do. Damnation! How do you resolve that conflict?
Huh?"

"I don't claim perfection, every day is a battle of right and wrong.
What my body wants to do and what I know I should do. I'm constantly
faced with the distance between my beliefs and what I live. Some
people change what they believe to fit with their actions. They are
really only fooling themselves. They say God will let everyone back
into heaven, and just be a good person. If it doesn't matter what we
do, what's the point of the test? I don't believe it will be a cut and
dried heaven and hell... I believe there will be various levels.
Everyone will be happiest at the level they are at. God will shield
them from knowing what they missed out on, what they could've had..
But there will be people who are happier than you. Hell will be having
complete knowledge of all the joy and happiness we gave up and how
relatively easy it really would've been to get it." He paused, I
stared blankly into the trees. "Other people resolve the conflict by
turning their back on God. Denying His existence. I see that way of
thinking as short-sighted. They ask 'Why would God do this to me?'
They come up with too many questions that they can't answer. But it's
all about being able to see a larger picture. Are we all so smart that
we can instantly understand why God does what He does? There's always
a reason. And, in the end, every trial we go through helps us to learn
and grow, so we can become the greatest. God will not test you with
more than you can bear. If you don't believe that, then God has much
more faith in you that you do."

"Ok, whatever. I'm really not in the mood."

"If I listen to what my body wants, I am letting the 'now' win. Where,
if I restrain myself, I can have so much more later."

"So, we're supposed to live a miserable life in the hope that there is
a heaven? Refrain from experiencing anything? Where's the appeal of
that? What if we die and there is nothing? What if we get to heaven
and God says, 'you know, you didn't really have to work that hard...'
I knew I shouldn't have let you get me started into all this!"

"It's said somewhere 'God is a just God.' Meaning there is a law and
he will hold you to it."

"You're wrong! Christ's sacrifice paid for all of our sins."

"But it only works if you believe in Him. The more you believe in Him,
the more you will be perfected. Christ doesn't limit how perfect you
can become, you do. It's not as simple as saying 'I believe!' I can
say I believe a tornado is coming, but unless I'm in the basement with
a radio and a flashlight, there's no way I can prove it."

"But, God knows our hearts, if we are trying to be good, but keep
failing..."

"If you are sinning and repenting all the time and repeating the same
sins, then you are trying to find a loop hole when there isn't one.
Repentance is also a promise you won't do it again. Breaking your
promise to God is actually a bigger sin than what you did. And if you
keep sinning and trying to pass them off to Christ, then you are
mocking the pain and suffering he went through, proving that you
really don't fully believe."

"Look, I know that whatever 12 steps you went through involves the
'acceptance of a higher power' and all, but you really shouldn't shove
it down my throat. I didn't sign up for rehab. I'm not the one who
wants to think about all this..."

"Why don't you? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid I could be
right and you would have to change your life?"

"Dave! Stop! Take a hint! I told you at the beginning I didn't want to
get into it. I don't believe that you're right and I'm not going to
argue about it anymore."

"Some things are true whether you believe them or not. Do you believe
God loves you?"

"Dave! I told you to shut up!"

I could see him overwhelmed with emotion, it looked like pity. "You
don't, do you? Jeff, know this. If you don't walk away with anything
else, make sure you know this... God loves you. He wants to see you
happy. He'll help you in any way that you'll let him. Let Him help
you! Faith precedes the miracle. Pray to know that God loves you."

This was getting to be a little bit too much. "You know, I think I
should go home."

He sighed, "Alright."

"But I'm going to walk. I don't think I could take a car ride with you
right now."

"Are you sure? I'm willing to take you, but suit yourself." He held
out his hand for his keys, I dropped them in his hand. As he drove
away, he asked "How do you plan on resolving your conflict? Call me if
you want to talk." He kept talking as he drove off, I couldn't hear
the last parts, and I wasn't really straining either.

I walked along the road down onto sidewalk along the main road and
started my trek home. I hummed any song I could think of to calm me
down and get the whole situation out of my head. I was angry because
just as I thought I had some sort of a foundation built for my
beliefs, he came along and smashed it to pieces. I would now always
live with the question if there was something better... why did that
make me mad?. Hmm-hmm-hmm... something out of the corner of my eye
caught my attention. A familiar white BMW. It was Ben, he pulled into
the grocery store parking lot I was walking past.

"Hey what's going on?"

I tried to hide my raging, confusing emotions, "I'm just out for a
walk."

"You don't need a ride or anything?"

I paused, "Actually, that'd be nice." I climbed into his car, we
started driving.

"To be completely honest... Dave called me from his cell, he said he
saw you wandering around, but he was in a rush somewhere and traffic
blocked him from getting over... But since I know about you two, I
knew his excuse was a bunch of bullshit. I wanna know why he dropped
you off so far from your house and then split... that's not like him
at all."

"I refused to ride home with him."

"What? Why? What happened?"

I sighed heavily, "I really don't want to get into it."

"Fine... but if you want to talk, I'm always here."

We entered my housing development. "Ben, do you think of me as a
druggie?"

"I didn't even know you did drugs! I kinda guessed Scott was a pothead
by all those stickers on his car and the clothes he wears... but I
kinda thought you would've avoided all that."

"What are you saying? That I'm uptight?"

"No! That you're smart..." I could see a light turn on inside him,
"Oh, is that what all this is about? Did he give you his 'Drugs are
Satan' speech?"

I groaned an affirmative.

"But he explained why he's like that, right? That he watched his
girlfriend stab herself?"

My head jerked, trying to catch his words again. "What? His
girlfriend? He watched her do it?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"All he said was that it was a girl at a party, and he didn't say they
watched! He made it sound like they found her or something. How could
they just sit and watch?"

"The room was dark, they just thought she was freaking out. They
didn't know she had a knife. She had freaked out at a party before...
thought she was seeing people that weren't there and stuff. Jeff, they
were all so fucked up, they were laughing." My stomach turned and my
throat tightened. He pulled into my driveway, turned his car off but
didn't move. "When we were growing up, our uncle was hit by a drunk
driver. Dave had been really close to him. Our uncle wasn't even in
the same state when it happened, he was on his way to visit my
grandma. Dave was only 11 years old at the time, but he thought it was
his fault. Taking the blame was completely irrational but he'd say
things like 'I should've made him eat lunch here, that would've slowed
him down and then he would've have been hit. What if this, what if
that.' There was no way Dave could've known, there was nothing he
could've done to prevent it from happening." He paused, staring
blankly out the windshield, "I can't even begin to imagine what he
felt like when he realized she was dead, that he had been right there,
laughing." I felt like I was going to be sick. "She made his necklace
for him. If you look close, you can see her red hair woven into the
pattern." 

I felt a strange tingling sensation. I spoke without thinking, "She
has the most beautiful blue eyes."

Ben quickly turned. "Yeah... how did you know? Did you see a picture
of her?"

I had even startled myself, "Something like that."

He accepted my answer at that. "He's had years of therapy for this, he
still hates himself for it. He would kill me if I ever did any drugs,
but after watching him go through all he did... I really have no
desire. If someone is deep into any type of addiction, they lose focus
of their lives and they end up accomplishing nothing of any importance
in their life. I hope to leave some kind of positive mark on society,
something that will give my life meaning and bring happiness into the
lives of others. Even if I only affect a few people... the ripple
effect could be incredible. When I was younger, Dave would come home
tweaked out, I'd actually be glad to see him like that, because when
he wasn't on drugs everyone was forced to tip toe around him. We were
scared that at any moment he would explode. He's come a long way to
the person you know today. He's hit the hardest rock bottom I've ever
seen anyone hit. He's lived through real life nightmares, but made it
through. That's why he's so cool. Because when he threatens me about
doing drugs, I know it's only because he's so passionate about helping
others avoid the same pitfalls, because he cares about them. That his
pain won't be in vain. He helps others as his way of making sense of
it all. That it happened to him so that he could help others. Did he
get into his 'everything is for a reason' belief?"

"Sort of."

"If he ever gets mad it's only because he's watching you make a
mistake that can be easily avoided. Dave's an awesome guy, I'm lucky
to have him as a brother, and you're lucky to have him as..." He
laughed, "...as your boyfriend."

A tear broke free and trickled down my cheek. I felt like a jerk for
taking offense to what Dave had said. It was probably the most
heart-felt message I'd ever heard. I looked at my house and noticed
some lights that I didn't leave on... "I forgot! My dad is probably
home! I should get inside..." I opened the door and turned after I'd
stepped out. "Thanks, Ben. For the ride and... well, for everything."

"Call me if you wanna talk, k?"

I nodded, "See ya."

He drove off and I punched in the code for the garage. I peeked under
the rising door, and yup! My dad's car was there. I found him behind
his desk in the den, shuffling through papers. He motioned me in.
Forcing a smile he asked, "Hey, Jeff. So, do you feel like an uncle?"

Oh, shit, I can't believe I had actually forgotten. "No, it still
hasn't really sunk in." I sat in a squeaky leather chair, I tried to
sound serious. "So, dad, what's this emergency mom told me about?"

"Well son," he put down some papers, "there's been a mixup. My company
is under investigation. All of our assets are frozen."

"Which means..."

"Which means, I don't have a source of income until the investigation
is over."

"We have savings though, don't we?"

"Yes, but our savings is a little low because of the Europe trip, but
I have some stocks I can sell. We'll be fine, as long as it doesn't
last forever."

"What are they investigating? Tax fraud?"

My father sighed, I had asked a question he was hoping to avoid.
"Money laundering."

I couldn't help my shocked expression. Part of me was thinking about
what it would mean if it was true... From my understanding, money
laundering was related to the mob, drug money or something like that.
Wow. "Is there any way I can help?"

My father relaxed a little and leaned back in his chair. The only
other time I had ever seen him nervous in front of me was our painful
'Birds and Bees' discussion. Seeing him like was a little disturbing.
"Actually, yes, I need you to hide about $2 million of dirty money."

My mouth dropped, "What?"

"A joke! I could see you getting tense. Seriously, I would appreciate
it if you could go to the university tomorrow and put up fliers. We're
going to rent out the basement since we nearly have a full kitchen
down there and with the extra tv room and the guest bed room. It'll
help pay some bills, let our money last longer if this thing takes
longer than we expect."

"Sure, I'll be glad to help!"

My father, and I feel weird saying this, is a good-looking man. Time
had treated his hairline very well, but it didn't stop it from going
gray. His face still showed signs of the young virile stud that had
wooed my mother. Sometimes his expressions looked almost child-like.
As if, for an instant, I was his big brother that he looked up to.
Like I had a different outlook on the world that he found exciting. As
he looked at me, I saw almost a sense of awe. Like he was constantly
amazed by the person I was, that he was proud that I was his son.

That look hurt me.

All the pride I saw him build was surely going to come crashing down
someday. It almost made me want to disappoint him now so he wouldn't
keep his hopes so high over who I was going to become. I knew I could
only bring shame and disappointment.

"Thanks, Jeff. I knew you'd come through for me."

I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye. "No problem." I knew
it wasn't the most natural time to leave, but I stood and walked up to
my room.

--
With either the religion or the drugs, I'm not lecturing and judging
anyone. I'm no Bible thumper, and I've never been a member of DARE. By
no means am I an innocent 21 year old; I've done my share of
everything. That's all I'm writing about, the things I've done and how
I'm dealing with them.

As for Dave's drug speech and his girlfriend killing herself, I
debated whether to include that or not. Unfortunately, it is based on
fact. I dated a girl who watched her friend die in the exact way
depicted. It was the most traumatic thing she had ever witnessed and
she completely reformed her life afterwards. She's been clean for
about 8 years now.

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