Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:54:59 +0000
From: rich h <palouse1@hotmail.com>
Subject: Seal Rocks Part 17
I guess it's feast or famine - after not posting for a long while on this
story, here's the third installment in three weeks! I again felt this
aspect had to be addressed, and not in the dichotomist (is that a
word?) way that coming out to your family is often portrayed - they
either hug you and sing Kum Bah Yah, or they throw you out of the house.
The feelings are, I think, more complicated - love, concern,
disappointment on some levels, perhaps revulsion on others, a deeply felt
intellectual need to be supportive working against equally deep emotional
reactions, and so on. I hope I have, and can, capture some of that.
As always, this story is entirely fictional - only a few real places are
used for purposes of adding local color, and no endorsement by them of
the story should be implied by their inclusion. If this sort of stuff is
illegal or inappropriate for you to read, by all means don't read it.
And as always, I look forward to e-mails, comments, critiques etc. - I
appreciate them more than I can say, even when I'm tardy or negligent in
responding. I hope I can get past the family drama here; I'm sorry if
the story has seemed maudlin in these last two installments.
Seal Rocks Part 17
The rest of the evening was only a bit less difficult. Ben did a
good job of playing dumb as Jesse's mother laid things out for him, and
also made very clear his lack of concern over Jesse's relationship with
Mike. It was all OK, he kept reassuring their mother. Jesse noticed that
she seemed clueless about Ben's past relationship with Brent, but had the
sense not to say anything. One sidelong glance from Ben was enough to tell
him that the subject was not a good one to bring up - not tonight, anyway.
They wound up making a couple of pitchers of margaritas and
toasting their dad late into the night, a teary and loving private wake
that left them all cried out, tired, and somehow healed. Ben eventually
led their mother off to bed. She stopped on the way out to hug Jesse,
hard. "I love you, baby doll. Remember that, all right?"
" 'Course, Mom. Always. I love you too."
Ben sat very quietly next to Jesse on the couch after he returned
from tucking her in; the CD seemed to take forever to end. It was Warren
Zevon's last album, "The Wind". They both teared up as the final track
echoed through the house, the dying songwriter's last testament and plea to
his family: "Keep me in your heart for a while," Zevon sang and repeated,
and at last faded to silence with a soft major chord.
"You OK?" Ben finally asked. "This had to happen, but I know it
must have been rough."
Jesse nodded, wiping his eyes yet again. I feel all chafed all
over my face, he thought, I must look like shit. "Yeah. I'm fine. Mom -
Mom took it OK, I guess. I know it hurts her, I hate that part. I don't
wanna hurt her, I've fucked things up enough already"
Ben put his arm around his shoulders. "You haven't fucked anything
up, bro," he said. "You're just living."
Jesse sighed, leaning into his brother. "I guess." They sat for
several minutes.
Enough maudlin shit, Jesse thought. I'm living, we're living.
Time to act like it. He stood up. "We need a new dog," he announced to no
one in particular.
Ben smiled. "I like it. But who's gonna hang here and potty train
it and all? We'll have puppy pee all over the place."
Jesse shrugged, a lopsided child's grin on his face. "So what?
It's a puppy fer Chrissake." He strode off toward the bedrooms. "Mom!!!
We got an idea!!!"
It was close to midnight when he finally flipped open his cell and
called Mike. He answered almost at once. "Hey dude, where you been
keepin'? I've been waiting to hear from you all night."
The sound of Mike's voice made Jesse feel like crying again - it
was so gorgeous, so soothing. His Mike. "We're gonna get a puppy," he
told him. "We're going tomorrow."
"Cool!! What kind?"
"A golden, what else? We're hooked, right?" He smiled at the
image of the dog flopping around the house in uncoordinated puppy fashion.
"Dude, that's great! I wanna come see it as soon as you get home
with it, OK?"
"Course. Um, my mom wants you to come over anyway." He paused,
feeling Mike's sudden tension. "We had a talk tonight, Mike. Me and Mom
and Ben. She - she knows about us. She asked, and I told her. She's OK
with it," he added quickly. "Well, I think she's kinda weirded out by it
some, but she's OK, really. Are - are you OK with it - her knowing, and
all?"
Mike was silent for a long moment. "Shit," he finally said. A
long sigh. "Yeah, sure, I am. I mean it was gonna come out soon enough,
right?" His voice became more urgent. "You didn't tell her about - "
"Course not, dipshit. I'm honest but I'm not suicidal." They both
snorted a grim laugh. "That, uh, sort of thing, y'know, it never came up,
of course. And I sure as shit didn't volunteer anything."
"OK," Mike said, sounding relieved. "So - so she's OK?"
"Yeah I think - I mean it's not like she shot off fireworks or
anything, but she's not like sending me to get brainwashed or anything
either. But, uh, she does want to talk to you, and all."
"Is she gonna tell my parents??"
"She, um, she thinks you ought to. It's your job, she said. So I
don't think so. But she's gonna push on you real hard I think, to do it.
That's just her, you know? If it's your job, you gotta do it and do it
right. I been hearing that since I was like 2."
"Right." He could feel Mike's tension through the phone line.
Please, I had to do it, don't be mad.
"I wish you hadn't told her, Jes," Mike finally said, his voice
flat, holding back.
"Dude, she asked me a straight question. I'm not gonna lie to her.
You don't lie to your parents, Mike."
"Course you do. You lie to them all the time."
"Not me, Mike. Not like this. Not when it's important." He felt
panic rising. "Please, dude, don't do this. I had to tell her, OK? The -
the Social Services people are threatening to put me in foster care because
of what they think my Dad did, and Pastor Ed is pushing me to see a
counselor at church, and Mom was like right in the middle of it all, and
she needed to know the truth. And - and she asked, flat out.:
There was a long pause. " 'K."
Jesse started to get mad. "Dammit, they got samples of your come
from me!! They're gonna do a fucking DNA test or something and when it
doesn't come back as my Dad's, what am I supposed to say then? 'Oh, I just
picked that up at Wal-Mart'? What the fuck, Mike?? I had to tell her,
dude." He wanted to add: you selfish prick, I just fucking told my mother
I'm queer and all you can think about is your own ass.
"OK, OK," Mike said, still sounding uncomfortable, "I get it. I - I
just didn't want - I - this is hard, Jes."
Jesse swallowed. "I know it is. I wanted to crawl in a fucking
hole and die. I - I was crying and apologizing and shit . . . I had to
tell her, Mike, please dude . . . " His whole world was teetering, one
more word could send it crashing down. Maybe Dad had a good idea, he
thought fleetingly.
"It's OK," Mike said with a heavy sigh. "I - I just, y'know, I
gotta, like, prepare myself for it. I just - I don't; know what they'll
say, and all - "
"It'll be fine. It's all gonna be fine, Mike. Long as we don't get
sideways with each other it's all OK. That - that's all that matters to
me, dude. I just can't, like, have you pissed at me. I couldn't stand
that, Mike. It - it'd just be too much. You know?"
"Jes," Mike said, and the tone was so rich, so full of emotion, it
made Jesse stop breathing. "Jes, I couldn't ever - aw dude, nothing's
gonna fuck us up, OK? I - I love you, Jes."
Mike had never said that to him before. He'd told Mike, he’d said
ti him on the beach that first giddy day, he’d whispered it to him in the
midst of their lovemaking, he’d said it over the phone and in quiet moments
together, but Mike had never said it back. The realization made him tear
up again; he held the phone to his chest for a few seconds, rocking back
and forth. What a faggy dipshit I'm acting like, he thought. And I don't
care. When he brought the phone back up to his ear, he could hear Mike
almost shouting, "Jes?? Jes?? You there???"
"It's OK, I'm OK," Jesse said, laughing. "I just, uh, I dropped the
phone for a second there. Clumsy, and all." He felt warm all over.
"Dude, say it again."
"What?"
Jesse was embarrassed now. No mushy shit, he remembered. "That -
never mind." He had to change the subject. "So, uh, I guess I'll call you
when we're coming back with the puppy and all, OK?"
"Sure. Where are you getting it?"
"We went online and found a breeder out by Lake Elsinore." He
chuckled. "I think we like woke him up, we called so late. But he's got
an eight week old girl he'll sell us -" and that Ron Gantry's gonna fucking
pay for, he thought to himself - "and we can pick her up anytime, so we're
going in the morning."
"That's so cool, Jes. Oh shit, you're gonna take that poor dog over
Ortega? It'll puke all over with all those turns and shit."
"It's OK, we'll go slow," Jesse said, making a mental note to take
lots of towels in case Mike's concern proved out. He sighed. "I gotta
head, Mike, gotta sleep here."
"No prob, me too. Jes?"
"Ya?"
"I'm sorry, that I freaked on you. And - and I do love you. OK?"
Jesse was weightless. "K. I love you too dude. I just - shit
. . ." He laughed for lack of anything else to say. "Talk atcha later."
He smiled into his pillow for a long time, hugging it tightly,
before finally drifting off.
The breeder's place was a lot cleaner than Jesse had anticipated.
The puppy was, predictably, adorable. The three of them debated names all
the way out to Elsinore, finally settling on "Poche," after the beach.
"It's the only beach name in town that sounds right," Ben laughed. "I'm
not calling a dog 'T Street'."
"Or 'State Beach'!" added Jesse, joining the laughter. Their
mother smiled and listened; she was very quiet this morning. Jesse worried
she was upset.
The only discomfort came when his mother went to pay. The dog cost
$1200, which they knew wasn't bad, but his mother wanted to pay in
instalments. The breeder, a nice enough guy, refused. "Either you pay me
or the dog stays here." Jesse's mother's cheeks were red with shame.
Jesse tried to act as though he hadn't heard the discussion. "Hey
mister, can you show me where you keep her mom and the other puppies?" he
asked, moving off with him as his mother stood ramrod straight. When they
were around a corner, Jesse looked at him. "OK, how much is my mom
offering to pay today?"
"$400. Son, I can't let the dog go without being paid in full - "
"I know that. I can send you a cashier's check, or wire money to
you, this afternoon, another $1,000."
"The dog only costs $1200 - "
"I know that too. So you get a premium. Plus you get what she
sends you for the rest of the purchase price."
The breeder looked at him as if he were mildly insane. "You want to
pay me $2200 for that dog?"
"That'd be the total, yeah. For your trouble, and all - taking her
payment in bits like that."
"How're you going to get hold of $1,000, son?"
Jess pulled his account statement from his back pocket. "You want
to call WaMu and see if my account's got the money? Hell, I'll do the
transfer right now by phone if you want. I just don't want my mom to know.
Tell her you'll do the installments and stuff, let her have some dignity,
OK? And she doesn't find out about this."
The breeder looked at the paper. "OK, let's make that call. If the
money's good, we're fine. I just need to know."
"I understand. No problem." He pulled out his cell and dialed the
automatic teller number, showing the number to the breeder after he'd
dialed it. "You want to input the numbers or shall I?"
His mother glowed as they pulled out of the long dirt driveway, with
Poche whimpering softly in the car carrier in back. Jesse sat next to it,
his face pressed against the grilled window. "It's OK, little girl," he
cooed, "we just have to drive a little while. You're OK, you're going
home." The puppy's nose pressed against the other side of the grill for a
moment, and the smell of puppy washed over Jesse.
"Well I don't know what you told that man, Jesse, but he was so nice
to agree for us to pay over time," his mother said with great satisfaction.
"I, uh, I kind of gave him a sob story, Mom. I hope that's OK."
Ben eyed him with some suspicion from the front passenger seat.
"Well, as long as you didn't lie to him, dear. I - I certainly
don't want to trade on - on everything that's happened," she added after a
few seconds, "but for this I think I can swallow a little pride."
Jesse knew how hard it must have been for her to ask to pay over
time to begin with. "It's OK, Mom. We got Poche."
He called Mike. "Hey, you want to talk to Poche?"
Mike laughed. "Is that his name?"
"Her name," Jesse corrected him. We're on Ortega now, wanna meet
us?"
"Sure." A pause. "I'm not gonna get yelled at or anything, am I?"
"Na, I really think it's all cool," Jesse said, how voice lower now.
"K. I'm just, y'know, nervous."
"Ya. Me too. But come see Poche, anyway, OK?"
"OK, I'll be waiting."
Jesse fought to keep his nervousness in check the rest f the way
home, keeping his attention on his new whimpering charge. He was of course
head over heels in love with the puppy already. Ben seemed jealous that
Jesse was in back with her, reaching back himself to tap on the carrier
periodically and croon some soft reassurances. Their mother, silent as she
drove, just smiled.
Mike was indeed waiting when they pulled up to the house, sitting on
the low wall at the downhill end of their front yard with his bike next to
him. He rose apprehensively as they pulled up. Jesse threw open the door
and yanked the carrier out. "Take him to the back yard, dear," his mother
called. "Away from the traffic." Jesse, with Ben and Mike close behind,
fairly ran around the garage and through the fence gate to the back yard.
Poche was overjoyed to be released from her confinement (thankfully, she
hadn't puked or soiled herself on the trip), and bounded about heedlessly,
tripping over her outsized paws on occasion. The boys ran about with her,
laid on the ground so she could climb over them and lick them, and
generally made fools of themselves for several minutes.
Jesse finally stood and walked to the kitchen for a drink. Mike
followed him. Jesse's mother was waiting for them, as Jesse had
anticipated. She smiled at Mike as he entered and embraced him. "It's all
right, dear, I'm not going to bite you."
Mike exhaled sharply, relaxing. "Mrs. Sullivan - "
"No need," she cut him off. "I've known you two for too long to
think that you'd do anything to hurt each other." She looked at them both.
"I just want you to be very, very careful. And safe. I won't pretend I
like your being - active. . . " the word seemed to distress her, "at your
age, especially, but I'm certainly not foolish enough to think I can stop
you."
Mike was blushing. "I'd never hurt Jesse, ma'am," he said quietly.
"I - I'm glad you see that." He gulped. "Ma'am, I love him so much it's
awful. I - I hope that's OK . . ."
She looked at him, very hard, for a long second. Jesse held his
breath. "Of course it is, Michael. As I said, I can't stop that even if I
wanted to. I'd prefer things were different, I can't deny that, but . . ."
she sighed. "You just both need to be careful, and safe. There's so
little I can do to take care of either of you - in this." The boys nodded.
Ben was cackling as Poche climbed over his face, licking insanely. "Now
Michael, it's not my affair per se, but I think your parents need to know
what's going on, how you feel."
"I know, ma'am. I - I've been thinking about that, a lot."
She nodded. "Well, the sooner the better, I think. It's only a
mater of time before - before this all gets out, after all. And one other
thing, both of you," she added. "You both need to remember that you are
children. That's not meant as an insult, or to denigrate how you feel.
But you are still kids, and at your age these - these feelings, well, they
can pass - the way you feel about someone can change. That doesn't mean
you don't feel all you say for each other now - it's just the reality that
things aren't set in stone. Nothing is, at your age. You both still have
a lot of growing up to do." Jesse could see the effort it was taking for
her to keep her composure. "Perhaps you'll always feel like this toward
each other, perhaps you'll just wind up being very close friends. You
can't know that, at this point. And however that - well, evolves, you need
to remember that you were friends before - before you became involved, and
that you both have a lot of years to live. Don't let anything you do, or
feel, hurt that friendship. That lasts a lot longer than physical things,
and it means a great deal more. Believe it or not," she concluded, smiling
at them knowingly.
Jesse's eyes were moist again. Mike was staring at her, mouth open.
"God, I love you, Mom," Jesse whispered as he hugged her.
Her hand ran through his hair. "I love you too, doll baby." She
looked at Mike and held her right arm open, inviting Mike into the embrace.
He moved hesitatingly forward, until she pulled him in, gently but with
great strength. After a few seconds, she stepped quietly away leaving the
two boys in an awkward embrace, foreheads together, smiling
self-consciously. She sniffed a little. "All right, that's enough for
now. I have to go meet a seller, and I know you'll do plenty more as soon
as I'm gone."
"Mom," Jesse said, "we'll go to Mike's house if you don't want - "
"Don't be silly, it wouldn't be right of me to pretend that what's
not OK here is fine somewhere else. You'll just wind up doing something on
the beach or somewhere and getting ourselves arrested." They both blushed.
"Just be careful, and be safe - and I'm sorry, but I'd prefer for right now
that you not be too openly affectionate when I can see it. I'm trying very
hard, Jesse, but this isn't easy for me either. I know it's hard for you -
both of you - but you're not the only ones. All right?"
The boys stepped back from each other. "I'm sorry Mrs. S," Mike
stuttered.
"It's fine, Michael. We just need to set some ground rules. Now,
would you like me to speak to your parents, or come with you when you do?"
Mike swallowed. "I, uh, I think that'd be good - if you, and Jes,
were there. I mean, we all have to talk sometime, right?"
She nodded. "Yes, we do. I think that's very smart, and mature,
Michael. Why don't you spend the rest of the day here - unless you have
something else?" Mike shook his head. "All right then, we can go down
after I get back from work. Are you willing to do that, Jesse?" Jesse
nodded, his hand brushing the back of Mike's. "Then that's settled. I'll
be back around 5:30 or so." She smiled at them both, slung her purse over
her shoulder, and left.
The boys sagged against each other. "Shit," Mike breathed, his hand
on Jesse's shoulder.
"You OK?"
"Ya. That - that was - this isn't fun, y'know?"
Jesse nodded. "But you see, it's like I said, she's OK with it
all."
"Kind of. It bothers her, I think."
"Ya, well, it's kind of a big thing to drop on your Mom - 'Hi, I'm
sucking cock now, can I have some lunch money?' " They laughed for a
second, forcedly. "Are your Mom and Dad gonna be OK, you think?"
"Mike blinked a few times. "Dunno. I think so. It's - like you
said, it's gonna be sketch, y'know?"
Jesse nodded. Ben was calling from the back yard. They went out to
see a new small pile of poop near the Jacuzzi. "Lookit that, what a good
girl!!" Ben was yelling, a grin splitting his face. "She comes when you
call her, and she knows her name - she's great!!"
Jesse laughed and retrieved the scooper from the side yard. "Would
it be better to leave it for a while so she sees where it's OK to go?"
Mike asked.
"She can still smell it," Jesse answered, tossing the poop down the
hill into the undergrowth in the arroyo.
Ben was smoothing out his hair. "I need to get back," he said.
"Did that go OK? With Mom and all? You still alive there, Mike?"
Mike nodded, blushing again. Jesse felt a surge of emotion. How
can you see a blush when he's so damn tan, and cute, he thought. God he's
gorgeous. "It went fine, I think. Mom's gonna go with Mike and me
tonight, to talk to Mike's parents, and all." He paused. "That'll be OK,
we think."
Ben put an arm around both of them. "Braver than I am, bro. Thanks
for not letting on to Mom last night - about Brent, and all. I - I think
that was just like one time and all, no need to get her more worked up."
Jesse nodded. It doesn't sound it when you talk about it, though.
The boys made sandwiches after Ben left, taking turns running Poche
around the yard until she tired. Then they set up her carrier in the
kitchen as a bed, with soft towels and a couple of Tina's old plush toys,
and left her to nap. They sat at the picnic table out back, watching the
sea sparkle in the distance. One loud cry floated up from Seal Rocks.
"So," Jesse finally spoke. "It's official I guess. We're queer,
and like out, and all that stuff.."
"I guess." Mike was thinking hard. "I wonder, really, are we
queer? Is this just like a phase or something, like your Mom said? Are we
gonna like move on to girls, or other guys, or what? I don't want to hurt
you, Jes, not ever, but it's scary, y'know? What if something changes, if
we change? I don' wanna fuck this up, Jes."
Jesse gulped and slid into Mike's arms. "I love you, Mike. That's
it, final, finito. OK? I dunno what's gonna happen either, and Mom's
right - we are young and all - but we just gotta ride out the wave. All
the way inshore."
Mike nodded, his face slipping into the crook of Jesse's neck; his
breath gave Jesse goosebumps. "Ya. I just - I mean I'm the one who
started all this, thinking about you - "
"And I'm the one who came in my pants at the idea as soon as I saw,"
giggled Jesse.
Mike smiled - Jesse could feel his cheek muscles move against his
skin. "Ya, that was really like messy, y'know?" They both started to
giggle, limbs entwining more closely, until their lips met.
In Jesse's room, they stripped each other slowly, conscious of the
change. They were responsible for each other now, they had obligations.
They touched each other's nakedness with deeper feeling, their arousal had
purpose beyond mere pleasure. Jesse reveled in the taste of Mike's skin,
the bumpy texture of his testicles, the heat of the semen on his lips, the
steely thrust of his cock into him. He rolled himself up higher, opening
his body to Mike as totally as he could, giving himself to his lover and
the pleasure he brought. Had Mike ever been so big, or so hard, inside
him? Was it possible to be fucked more deeply than this? Jesse pushed
forward, determined to find the answer, to gain every last bit of Mike's
penetrating body, to receive and give back, until conscious thought fell
away and they both shuddered against and into each other, out of control as
only lovers can be.
They kept at it until almost 5, seemingly unable to stop, incapable
of fatigue. Then, sore and feeling spent only after they stood up, they
cleaned themselves to await the next hurdle.
"Ellen, how are you?" Mike's mother threw her arms open as they
walked into Mike's house. Mike's dad was looking in from the kitchen.
Beyond that, at the far end of the house, was Mike's bedroom, where it had
all started. This is fitting, Jesse thought. It all comes around in a
circle.
"Dolores," Jesse's mother smiled, returning the embrace. "Hi, Don,
how are you?" Mike's dad waved his can of Tecate at her.
Jesse's mom glanced at the boys. Mike cleared his throat. "Um,
guys, could you come here, please?" His parents approached, quizzical.
"Why, why don't we sit down a minute here."
"Everything OK there, sport?" Mike's dad asked.
"Yeah, I, uh, we need to talk to tell you a few things, and all."
Mike was sweating; Jesse wanted to hold his hand, rub his back, anything to
help.
"What is it, Mikey?" His mother asked. Her eyes were worried.
"It - it's nothing bad. Really. It's good, in fact - I think."
His parents settled on the couch, Jesse's mother on a piano bench to their
right. Mike was standing. Jesse stayed back by the door.
Mike took a deep breath. "OK, he said. "I, uh, I wanted to tell
you that Jesse and I - well ,we've been buds for like forever, right?" His
parents nodded. "Well, we- we're, um, more than that, now. We, uh, we've
started, like, um, doing stuff, with each other."
Mike's dad was calm. His mother's face was turning pale. "Sexual,
stuff. Together." Mike took a deep breath. "I - I don't know if - if I'm
like gay, or what. Or if Jes is - I mean, you gotta ask him that right? I
just - we've been doing this, and - and we - well, I -I think I love him.
No, I know that. I love him. And, and it's important, because it wasn't
Jesse's dad who - who like hurt him - that way - when Jes was in the
hospital. That was, that was me. So we can't like hide, um, what we do,
because the police and all . . ." He looked at his parents. "And I want
you to know about it, and I want you to now it's a good thing, cuz we like
love each other and we'd never do - "
"Michael," his mother whispered, "You - you sodomized your best
friend?"
"Mom, it's not dirty or - "
"And you - " looking at Jesse. "Did you encourage this?"
"Calm down Lolo," her husband whispered.
"Did you encourage this? She repeated, staring at Jesse.
"Jesse gulped. "I didn't - it wasn't like - it just, just happened,
OK? And we - "
Mike's mother stood up. "Did you sodomize my son?" she demanded.
Jesse's fear waned. He looked at Mike, and his mother, before
answering. "Yes, ma'am, we both sodomized each other. A lot. And- and we
did other things too. We, we made love. Because I love him, and he loves
me. And - and I'm not going to be ashamed of that - and neither is Mike."
She looked at her son, then back at Jesse. "So this whole sick
thing is your idea?"
"Mom, no, that's not it, please. . . "
"Lolo, calm down, that's not helping," her husband said, more firmly
now.
Jesse's mother's cheeks were turning color. "This is no one's
fault, Dolores. They're boys - teenage boys - and things happen. What's
important is that they care about each other, and about us enough to be
honest with us."
Dolores rounded on Jesse's mother. "Is this how you want to clear
Walter's name - by making my son out to be a sodomite, instead of holding
him responsible for what he did??"
"No one is making anyone out to be anything, Dolores."
"Mom, please don't." Mike's voice was soft, but it cut through the
tension, stopping everything. He stood sagging in the center of the room,
a look of total desolation on his face. "Please, Mom. Please don't be
like this."
After several very quiet seconds she yanked Mike into a ferocious
embrace, her face pressed into his hair. She started sobbing. "Oh my baby
. . . Oh my dear dear baby . . ." Mike held her there, silent, limp
except for the arms around her. Jesse closed his eyes against the sight.
Mike's dad was touching his shoulder. "How're you doing with all
this, Jesse?"
Jesse gulped, looking into his very bright blue eyes. How'd Mike
wind up with hazel eyes, he wondered in the back of his head. "I'm OK," he
said softly. "I - I love Mike, Mr. Roper. I - I didn't, like, intend, for
it all to happen, but it did. And - and I love him."
Mike's mother sobbed once, loudly. "So your dad never touched you?"
Mike's father asked.
Jesse shook his head. "They just assumed - after what happened, I
guess - they just though well of course he was, you know, molesting me, and
all, when they, when they found, um, evidence. And, y'know, I was kinda
out of it." Please don't make me be specific, he thought. "He did hit me
though. And Mom. Dad did. That part was real enough."
Dolores was looking blearily at her husband from where she stood,
still holding Mike. Mike's shoulders were heaving silently. "Well, Lolo,"
Mike's father said quietly, "I guess we have a situation here."
Dolores stepped back from Mike, who looked at Jesse hopelessly.
"Don, we can't - "
"Can't what? Can't stop them from doing what they want in their
hearts? Yeah, we can't do that. They're kids, Lolo. It'll pass."
"What if it doesn't?" she asked, the prospect shattering her; she
fell back onto the couch sobbing.
Mike's dad sat next to her and pulled her into an embrace; she
sobbed against his chest. "Then it doesn't, I guess. He's still Mikey.
He hasn't changed."
"Everything's changed!!!" she cried.
"Dolores," Jesse's mother said very quietly, "I only found out about
this last night. I've spoken to Jesse, and to Michael, about it. I - I've
tried to be calm about this. And that hasn't been easy," she added,
looking at her son. "But Don is right - we can't stop them from feeling
what they do. I don't have the slightest doubt, from talking to them, that
they're just dabbling, or experimenting. If they were, they went past that
point a while ago. I don't know if this will last either - they're boys
,and I hope you know me well enough to know that I'm not happy about them -
them doing things together, any more than I'd be happy if they were being
intimate with girls. But they are, and we can't change that, and I don't
think we can pretend we can control them so much that they'll stop. Not
without becoming perfect little prison guards." She looked at Jesse, her
eyes glistening. "I won't raise Jesse like that. Walter was overly hard
on him already, for too many years. You saw that - you were always the
angriest over it. I won't presume to tell you how to raise Michael,
Dolores, but I hope you'll remember how miserable Walter's being
overbearing made my boys. Think how much worse you'll have to be to try to
stop this. And Dolores," her voice almost pleading now, "you'll fail. You
won't stop them, you'll just create all the sort of anger and resentment
you used to warn me about."
She sat next to the Ropers on the couch. "We all have to grow,
Dolores. Grow, and roll with the punches." She put her hand on Dolores'
hair, smiling. "And believe me, I've had a couple of punches lately."
Mike and Jesse stood rooted, watching their parents. Mike's mother
pulled away from her husband, wiping her face. She looked at Jesse's mom
for a long minute. "Michael, please go to your room."
"Lolo, don't"
"Mom - "
"Please go to your room, Michael," she repeated. She looked at him
fiercely.
Mike swallowed hard, once. "No."
She stood. "What did I just tell you, young man?"
"Mom, I'm not leaving. I'm not hiding. I - I'm taking
responsibility, for - for me. OK?"
She raised her hand to slap him but couldn't do it. She turned to
look at her husband, and then at Jesse's mom. "I - I need to go for a
drive. I'm sorry to be emotional."
Mike's dad stood to embrace her. "Babe," he whispered.
"No, I just need to go. Please." She hustled out the front door.
Mike's dad watched her pull away, then turned back to them. "Have a
seat, Mikey. Looks like we've got some talking to do. Jes?" He indicated
the space on the couch on his other side.
He sat back, spreading his arms out behind both boys, and casually
pulled them into an embrace. Jesse felt uncomfortable; Mike fairly melted
into his father's chest, clinging to him like a toddler. His dad petted
his hair, smiling softly.
Jesse tried to stand up. "I - I think we oughta go- "
"It’s OK, Jesse," Mike's dad said calmly, pulling him back down.
"We're in this one together, so let's deal with it together, OK?" Jesse
looked at his mother, who nodded her approval.
Mike's dad sighed. "Mikey, your mom is - well, insecure, about
things like this. It's not her fault, really. You know her father -
Grampa Al - left her and her mother when she was 5, right?" Mike nodded.
"Well, there was a reason for that. He, um, he fell in love with another
man, a guy he worked with." Mike sat up, staring at his father, mouth
open. That's when he first moved to Santa Barbara - they'd been living
around Long Beach, I think."
Mike had lifted his head off his father's chest and was staring at
him. "you - you mean Uncle Paul - "
Mike's father smiled and nodded. "He and Grampa Al were involved.
Big time. Your Gram never forgave him for it, even after Paul died. I
understand that - you never leave your family, that's just wrong."
"Then - then why is Gram up in Santa Barbara now too, and - and
living with Grampa and all?" Mike was blinking rapidly.
His father shrugged. "They need to be together to afford to live -
their retirement benefits aren't that great. They have their own rooms,
you know, right?" Mike nodded. "They can get along well enough now, on
that sort of level. And it keeps them from being alone."
"Your mom, of course, has always been really torn up over it. Uncle
Paul was always really good with her - let her do pretty much anything she
wanted, actually - and she even loved him, sort of, I think. But the hurt
of losing her dad, like that - well, it stayed with her a lot. She's
scared that she'll have the same thing happen to her, with you, or - well,
with me."
"Dad??!!" Mike blurted out, stunned. "You - you're - "
Mike's father laughed. "No, Mikey, I'm a dull straight guy, relax.
I - uh - " he glanced at Jesse's mother for a second; Jesse saw his cheeks
redden - "I did tell your mom once about how some friends of mine and I in
high school fooled around a little on a trip down to Shipwrecks in Baja -
just, um, manual stuff, if you know what I mean."
Jesse's mother shook her head. "My God. Boys."
Mike's father smiled at her and shrugged. "Come on Ellen, you know
Walt had a lot of time in the Marines, think he never did anything like
that?"
Jesse's mother's cheeks reddened now. "That," she said stoically,
"was not in Walter's nature."
Mike's father shrugged. "Well, anyway, it was no big deal, but it
really got to your mother. That's how I learned about Uncle Paul and
everything." He looked at his son. "Now understand, Mikey, I'm telling
you this so you can understand what Mom's going through right now - I don't
think you should talk about it with her. Any of it. This all scares her
stiff, Mike, and we need to respect that, and her. She'll get through it.
She loves you - remember that."
Mike nodded, looking at Jesse. "Sure. OK. But - but what if she
doesn't get through it? I, I'm not - I'm not gonna stop seeing Jes, or -
or how I feel, and all." Jesse swallowed hard.
"I know. Just let me handle things, OK? You guys need to just be
low key, and let me deal with this."
Mike nodded. "Dad?" His father looked at him. "You, you don't - I
mean are you OK . .. "
"Mike," his father said, his hand cupping Mike's cheek, "it's OK.
Relax. You're kids, things happen. Maybe this is really how your life
will be, maybe not. I can't change that one way or another. You guys have
always been real close. So it's probably not a surprise that this
happened." He looked at Jesse's mother, who was biting her lip slightly.
"Is that how you feel, Ellen?"
Jesse's mother shifted. "I - I'm torn, to be honest. I don't like
you boys being active like this at your age, and I don't care who with.
But, I'm - glad, I suppose - that if it does happen, it's between the two
of you. Not some stranger." She blinked; Jesse could tell she was holding
back tears. "I'm, I'm very proud, of both you boys, for being honest with
us." Jesse couldn't look at her when she said that; Mike's father nodded,
rubbing his son's arm. "That alone means a great deal to me."
The telephone rang in the kitchen; Mike's father left to answer it.
Mike looked at Jesse's mother. "Thanks, Mrs. S," he said. "I can't
believe you - you had - that you care, enough, to be here and, like, help
me do this, and all."
She smiled. "You and my son are in love, Michael - I have to
support that don't I?" She looked into the kitchen, where Mike's dad was
pacing back and forth, talking on the phone agitatedly. "Why don't you
boys go walk on the beach for a while - I think there's some other
discussions we need to have here that you needn't be here for."
The night air was damp from the incoming coastal clouds; dew already
coated the cars on the street. The boys walked quickly, silently, gulping
in air in an effort to calm themselves, as they clumped down the steep
hill. Jesse sat down, finally, on the planter at the top of the stairs
leading down to Riviera. "I'm dizzy," he muttered.
Mike was beside him at once. "Are you OK?"
Jesse smiled. He was leaning far forward, elbows on knees; he
looked sidelong up at his friend. "Am I OK? You're the one who just came
out to his parents - how about you?"
Mike looked away, into the streetlight. His hand unconsciously
moved to rub Jesse's back. "I guess I'm OK. I - I'm worried, about Mom
and all. I never saw her freak like that before." He sighed. "I hope
Dad's right about - about her, and how she feels, and all."
"It'll be OK, Mike," Jesse said, sitting up and putting his arm
around Mike in turn. "I really think so." He leaned close to Mike's face.
"Just don't leave me. Like ever. It's - I feel now like we, we need each
other more than ever, y'know?" Mike returned his gaze. "With our parents
so freaked - even while they like try to accept it all, its like we need to
be together even tighter- to prove it's OK. To make it OK. To them, to
everybody. Does - does that make sense?"
"Ya," Mike breathed, leaning in to kiss Jesse. They kissed for a
long time - slowly, softly, not from sexual passion but from deep feeling,
the light sea breeze tossing stray wisps of their hair about each other's
foreheads. When they finally broke off, they both smiled. Jesse's turned
mischievous quickly. "Wonder how empty the beach is," he whispered.
Mike giggled, dropping his forehead against Jesse's shoulder.
"Perv."
Jesse giggled back and stood, taking Mike's hand. "C'mon."
The beach was indeed empty, as far as they could see. They walked
north, seeking a spot somewhat secluded from anyone walking along the
surfline and hidden from the bike trail that ran inland just across the
train tracks. "This'll do," Mike said, pushing Jesse down in a small nook
of sand surrounded on three sides by iceplant. They were as feverish now
as they'd been gentle only minute earlier, Mike roughly aggressive. "I
wanna fuck you so bad, Jes," he whispered as he yanked down their shorts.
Jesse kissed him in reply, rolling to his hands and knees in the sand.
Mike pressed his face down into Jesse, licking him, wetting him, opening
him up.
Jesse dropped his head onto his forearms and moaned, pushing himself
back against the invasion. It seemed like only moments before Mike's cock
was prodding at him. "Oh God, Mike, yeah. Do it, please."
"Do what?" Mike wanted to hear him say it.
Jesse giggled lightly. "Fuck me, asshole. Fuck me till I - oh,
Christ, yeah. Like that. Oooooh Mike. Mike. Shit, yeah . . . " Mike
was stronger than Jesse had ever felt him, driving into him, grabbing Jesse
about the hips, now by the shoulders to pull him up into a sitting position
against his crotch, pinching at his nipples, roughly turning his head back
around so they could kiss. Jesse reached back over his head with his left
arm to put his fingers in Mike's hair, and submitted, groaning and crying
out as his lover took him and impaled him and fucked him until there was
nothing else in the world but the lithe body undulating against his back
and the steel pole driving through him, making him tremble and groan and
come all over himself until Mike wrapped both arms around Jesse's chest and
drove forward harder than ever and came and came, the effort leaving both
boys panting in the damp night air.
Jesse's head was back on his forearms, down in the sand. Mike was
draped over his back, his cock still feebly twitching inside Jesse. Jesse
felt Mike's chest expand and contract as he tried to collect himself. It
matched his own gulping breaths. "Oh, shit, Mike," he muttered, watching
the sand beneath his lips scatter, blown slightly by his breath. "What'd
you just do to me."
Mike's hand ran limply into Jesse's hair. "I made you mine, Jes. I
- I just made you mine. Is that OK?"
Jesse started laughing and found he couldn't stop. Hs groped up and
covered Mike's hand, in his hair, with his own. Sand fluttered down across
his cheek.
"Of course." He shifted his hips back toward Mike. "Do it again."