Date: Sat, 30 Apr 2005 07:58:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ray <yaalc@yahoo.com>
Subject: sebastian chapter 2

     I t was weird having my dad walk me to school. I
was 14 for hell's sake, but he was the one who spoke
Spanish not me. All the checking in and formalities
would have to be taken care of by him. The house we
were renting was only about a 10 minute walk from the
school I'd be attending. There was a closer school,
but it was a private catholic school and my dad
refused to pay money to have me go to a catholic
school.

     Dad also didn't want to get a car here. He told
me that Argentina has one of the highest fatal traffic
accident rates in the world. And after a couple of
days here I'd seen what he meant, these people were
nuts. There weren't a lot corners with stop signs so
the drivers would either honk or flash their high
beams depending on the time of day, to signal that
they were going through the intersection. I couldn't
understand how there weren't a lot more accidents than
there were.

     As we got closer to the school I started seeing
all the kids that would be my schoolmates and I
realized that every one of them had a white smock on
over their clothing.

     "Dad, are those smocks like a uniform? And
shouldn't I have one?" I asked as we crossed the
street in front of the school.

     "Oh yeah, all the kids wear them to school. I
think they are to help keep their clothes clean, and
it also acts as a sort of equalizer. It's kind of like
having them on puts everyone on the same social level.
I don't think it works very well but I'm pretty sure
that's the intention. I'll pick you up some on my way
home from work, there just wasn't time to do it
earlier."

     "Fuck" I thought. Id dressed like I would have on
a normal first day back home, I was wearing a nice
pair of black jeans, a thick dark green sweater, and
my black sketchers. It was about as dressed up as I
get for school. As I looked around at what the rest of
the kids were wearing I realized that to a lot of
people I was going to be "that pretentious Yankee
fuck". I got really queasy again and was glad I hadn't
been able to finish my breakfast. I would have spewed
it up right there in the gutter anyway.

    Dad and I walked into the school and found the
office. Dad went in and talked to the secretary, after
a couple of minutes he came out and directed me to sit
with him on some benches that were there.

     "The principal will be with us in a bit she's got
some start of school things to deal with first"

     I was looking around at the school. It surprised
me. It was way bigger than I thought it would be. It
was two stories high, and built in a square, around an
open central court. It mostly surprised me because the
town we were staying in couldn't have had more then
20,000 people. I asked dad about it and he explained
that school here was only mandatory until the 5th
grade. There are quite a few small schools located in
the different neighborhoods, but anybody going to
school from 6th grade on came to this school.

     About then a woman came up to us. She looked to
be in her early 40's. She had an authoritative air
around her, but at the same time she had one of the
most sincere smiles I'd ever seen. I took an immediate
liking to her. She ushered us into her office.

     She and dad sat there talking for a while. All I
could do was sit there and look around. I didn't
understand a word of it, but it must have been
pleasant because they both smiled a lot and
occasionally broke into a small laugh. I was just
about to the point where I was getting really bored
and fidgety, when my dad got up and indicated that I
should follow them out.

     Once we got out in the hall my dad stopped me.

     "Senora Garcia and I talked a bit about what we
were going to do with you here. We obviously can't put
you into just any class. You wouldn't understand a
word, and it really wouldn't do you any good. I told
her that you would be continuing your education back
home. So we decided that you would just spend the next
couple of months in the English classes, that way
there will be something familiar to you and it will
help you pick up Spanish that much faster."

     Before we left the States dad had talked to the
principal of my school, and made arrangements for me
to home study. I would still have to return to the
States about once every 2 months for a week, so I
could pick up the next 2 months worth of homework,
turn in the work I had done, and take any tests that
needed to be taken. That way when we returned I
wouldn't be behind my class and would be able to
graduate with them.

     I thought about their idea with the English class
and realized that it would be perfect. I had been
dreading going to math, history or any other class for
that matter. I knew I wouldn't understand a word they
were saying.

     "That sounds great dad I won't feel like a total
ass and I bet I can even pass."

     "Watch your language young man" he said scowling,
"you know how important it is for you to be an
example, especially here. Everyone is going to know
where you go to church and I especially don't want to
hear that you're teaching vulgarities to all the other
kids."

     "Shit" I thought, I need to be more careful
around him. He is as fanatical about religion as he is
about his morning paper, and it was one of the things
that kept me from getting close to him. I just
couldn't tell him how much I hated his church or why.
That was a secret I was going to have to keep close
for a long time. I know how the church feels about
gays. I hated going there week after week just so they
could tell me that I was going to hell. Nobody knew
about me so I knew it wasn't directed at me personally
but it sure felt like it was and I was scared to death
of what my parents would do when they found out. So I
went with them every week. I hated how it made me
feel. I hated God for making me think I was gay. And I
couldn't count how many nights I prayed for him to
take it away from me.

     I will never forget the first day I realized I
was different, it was the summer between third and
fourth grade. I guess I must have been 8 years old. My
best friend, Russ, moved away that year. It was only
like thirty miles away, but when your 8 years old it
might as well have been a thousand. Russ invited me to
a birthday party/sleepover and my mom agreed. When I
got there I found out it was just going to be him and
I. None of our other friends had been able to get
their parents to allow them to go, and he hadn't made
any new friends yet. We spent all day goofing off. I
think most of it was spent running through the
sprinklers. His mom grilled hamburgers for dinner.
Then we did the obligatory cake, ice cream and
presents. We spent the rest of the evening in the
sprinklers again. It was just getting dark when his
mom came out and told us to get to bed. We were going
to sleep out in his backyard in sleeping bags under
the stars. I was so excited, it would be my first time
doing that. She brought him out some underwear and
told him to change before going to bed. She went back
inside and he stripped down right there in front of
me. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I don't know
why I stared at him like that, he was the first boy I
had ever seen naked, and I still have an image of that
night burned into my memory. He looked at me kind of
funny as he pulled on his underwear and climbed into
his sleeping bag. I felt stupid for having stared at
him. I was scared he was going to say something.  I
couldn't get to sleep for the longest time that night.
I know I had an erection, but I had no idea what to do
with it. The next morning his mom took me home, that
was the last time I ever saw him. I still get sad
thinking about what I lost that summer.

     The February after that my grandma became ill,
and since there happened to be a house for sale next
door to hers, my parents bought it and we moved. It
was only 5 miles away but suddenly I found myself in a
new school with only 3 months left in the year. By
that time everyone had already formed their little
groups, plus most of them had grown up together. It
seemed like from that day on I didn't belong. It was
then I started withdrawing socially, and when I
finally figured out that my attraction to boys meant I
was probably gay. I formed a barrier between myself
and everyone else. I went to school and went home.
>From that point on I didn't have friends and I very
rarely did anything with anyone. I was scared to death
of what would happen if they found out my secret.

     "Sean.'.

     "Huh".

     "Are you okay?"

     He was looking at me kind of oddly, like he knew
I'd totally spaced out and was wondering where I'd
gone.

     "Yeah, sorry I was just thinking about something"
I mumbled

     "Well snap out of it son, we're here."

     The principal opened up the door and beckoned to
the teacher. Five minutes later dad was gone and I was
standing alone in front of a group of strange kids.
I'm pretty sure the teacher did an introduction thing,
but I had no idea what she said. She pointed me to a
seat up front. I sat down feeling more alone than I'd
ever felt before.


        Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. 
Please email me at yaalc@yahoo.com. 
 
Copyright Notice - Copyright 2005 by yaalc. 
This story is copyrighted by the author and the author 
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