Date: Sat,  7 Sep 2002 16:22:06 -0400 (EDT)
From: Dave A <bistheway@excite.com>
Subject: Secret Love part 7

The following story may contain sexual situations between teen-age boys.
If this offends you, what are you doing here?  If reading this means you're
breaking some narrow-minded rule, then don't get caught.  I hope you enjoy.

To all my regular readers, my apologies for the long break between
chapters.  A few of you have been in contact with me and I thank you for
your patience.  I finally finished this chapter and while I don't expect to
turn out a chapter a week, I hope to not take nine months to turn one out
again.

Since it's been a while, I'll remind you that Matt and Jesse have just had
their first fight due to Matt's struggle with his sexualality.  One reason
this chapter took so long is that I had a hard time trying to get into the
minds of my characters.  I hope I did alright.  Enjoy.

A SECRET LOVE

Chapter 7 - Winning Through Losing

Jesse just kept walking.  He walked all the way to where another path
crossed the one he was on.  He turned left towards home, but after only a
few steps he reconsidered.  If he went home now, in this condition, he
would have to explain why he was crying.  Nothing plausible came to mind.
He turned around and headed the other way, walking with his head down, not
really paying attention to where he was going.  Suddenly he found himself
standing alongside the stream, next to a fallen tree.  No, not A fallen
tree, THE, no, THEIR fallen tree.  He moved carefully out to the middle of
the log and gingerly sat down in the middle.  Jesse sat looking
down-stream, much the way Matt was that day when they first discovered each
other.

The similarity ended there.  Matt had been contemplating some very tough
questions.  Who was he?  What did he want?  Could he handle being gay?
Jesse already knew the answers to these questions.  He knew who he was.  He
was Jesse - kind, caring, loyal, friendly and gay.  He knew what he wanted
too, and right now that was Matt.  His handsome face with that beautiful
smile.  His incredible body.  His gentle touch that made Jesse feel so
relaxed and content.  But it went beyond the physical.  They shared a
competitive nature.  Jesse thrived on pushing Matt, and being pushed back.
Plus, Matt was a compassionate listener and wasn't afraid to share his
feelings.  He was the one to say "I love you."  The one who put his heart
on the line verbally.  But then the next day, a complete 180.  He closed
himself off to Jesse and everyone else.  When he finally did open up, it
was an ugly burst of anger and fear, which brings us to that third
question.

Jesse was pretty sure that Matt was certain of his homosexuality, but he
was not confident in it.  Jesse on the hand was, at least in his own mind.
No, he wasn't ready to come "out," but he wasn't afraid of being
discovered.  As long as it wasn't his father.  But, Matt couldn't even seem
to handle being seen with him despite the fact that no one knew what was
going on between them.  He was scared to death that someone might figure it
out.  Jesse knew this was more than he could take.  If Matt was going to be
an emotional pendulum, then the radical swings were bound to make Jesse
sick to his stomach.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Matt sat in the middle of the path with his face in his hands until the
tears began to dry up.  He raised his head and looked around to find
himself alone - so alone.  The one person he could talk to he had pushed
away, although he wasn't completely sure how.  What had he said?  It all
came flowing out so suddenly he couldn't remember.

Matt stood up.  He had to figure out what he had done wrong so he could fix
it.  He started walking down the path towards his favorite quiet spot, but
as he turned toward the stream, he saw that his spot was occupied.  Matt
froze in his tracks.  He stood completely still and practically stopped
breathing.  He watched as the beams of sunlight breaking through the trees
danced across Jesse's thick, black mane.  The tears started to flow again,
and he tried desperately to say something - anything.  But fear held his
words tightly in his throat.  He couldn't face Jesse's anger again so soon,
especially when he didn't know how to allay it.  Finally, his legs found
the will to move him.  Matt slowly turned around and headed back in the
direction of his own house.  He had another place he could go to think.

* * * * * * * *

Jesse thought he heard something behind him and instinctively whipped his
head around to look.  All he saw were trees, their branches swaying lightly
in the breeze drifting through the woods around him.  There was no other
movement - no animals, no parents, no Matt.  Jesse turned his head back
around and sighed deeply.  He was all cried out, at least for now, and
decided he ought to head home before his mom called Matt's to check on him.
He got up and walked over the edge of the stream.  Jesse bent down and
scooping up the clear water in his hands splashed his face.  He rubbed
under his eyes and down his cheeks, trying to wipe away the evidence of his
tears.  Without a mirror to check, he could only cross his fingers and hope
as he headed towards home.

As Jesse came to the juncture of the two paths, he stopped and looked back
towards where he left Matt, but there was no one to be seen.  He took a
deep breath to calm himself and headed out of the woods and onto his
street.

Anne was in the kitchen and turned her attention to the front door when it
opened.  "Hey honey," she said at the sight of her son, "You're back early.
Anything wrong?"

"Nah, Matt has some family stuff to do.  I'm gonna go rest for a while.
Didn't get much sleep last night."  Jesse was in no condition to answer a
slew of questions from his mom so he decided hiding out was the best idea.

"OK honey.  Let me know when you're rested.  I'll make you some lunch."

OK Mom," Jesse called back as he headed up the stairs.  He shut his bedroom
door behind him and flopped onto his bed.  He stared up at the ceiling of
his room and let his mind drift back to the previous night.

Jesse remembered that incredible shower he shared with Matt.  He never knew
a shower could be so much fun.  Then he got a vision in his head of Matt
laying on the bed, legs up in the air with his pucker exposed and a huge
smile on his face.  Jesse imagined sinking his cock into that ass and was
immediately hard.  He slipped his shorts down just enough to pull out his
cock and gripped it tightly in his hand.  In no mood for play, Jesse jerked
at his meat with abandon.  He reached orgasm quickly and bit down on his
free hand to avoid moaning out loud.  As his orgasm ceased, the image in
his head was quickly replaced with sound of Matt's voice.  "Jess.....I love
you babe," played over and over in his head.  The tears started to flow
again.  Jesse knew he couldn't let this morning define his relationship
with Matt.  He had to talk to him, but he had no idea what to say.  He was
so afraid of pushing Matt away when he was already having serious problems
accepting his true feelings.  Without even cleaning up, Jesse rolled over
and drifted off to sleep.  The day's events had drained him mentally as
well as emotionally.

* * * * * * * * * *

Matt followed the path back towards his house and right past it.  He had a
bit of walk ahead of him, but it would give him time to think.  After a
short walk, Matt came to the culvert passing under the main road at the end
of his street.  He slipped his shoes off, then removed his socks and tucked
them inside his shoes.  He took a few steps in and stopped to allow his
eyes to adjust to the darkness.  If you took your time, you could manage to
see where you were walking.  That was important since you never knew what
kind of debris might be waiting for your bare feet in here.  Once on the
other side, Matt decided to just carry his shoes and stay in the stream.
The plant growth right here was very heavy and there was a clearing only
about 200 yards upstream.

Matt climbed up to the bank in a large clearing.  This wasn't his final
destination, but he sat down in the grass anyway to let his feet dry.  This
was when his mind drifted back to the start of the day.  Jesse had just
snapped.  What had he done to deserve that?  He knew he had been a jerk
when Angie came home, but she had nearly caught them.  He had every right
to be a little freaked out -- didn't he?

"Of course I do," he said to a rabbit that had wandered out into the open.
Matt laid back and closed his eyes against the high, early afternoon sun.
"I'm allowed to be scared.  This could change my whole life."

My Whole Life.  The words echoed in his head.  My.  Whole.  Life.  What had
he gotten himself into?  Why did this have to happen to him?  It was
Michael who was supposed to be gay.  He was the one always into girly
things growing up.  Matt was an athlete.  A stud - OK, he was no stud, but
a masculine guy.  He hung with the guys.....and wondered how they hung.  Oh
God.  He was Dad's favorite.  Now he would be an outcast.  To his family,
his friends, his teammates and to everyone.  He couldn't do this; couldn't
be this.  But then again, how could he not?  He knew that girls didn't have
the same effect on as boys.  He had dated and kissed a few girls.  Because
they wanted him to and if he didn't, word would get out.  Hell, he had even
felt up that last one, and nothing.  No interest in where he was or could
go if he tried.

Then there was that one night with his Uncle Dave.  Someone Matt wasn't
even really attracted to, not that he wasn't good looking, but he was his
uncle.  Matt just didn't look at him that way.  But still once it started,
Matt couldn't wait to go farther.  Then he had met Jesse, and there was no
denying it.  He dreaded every moment apart and cherished every moment
together.  (At least every moment alone with him, but Matt didn't even
think about that.)  He had never felt so twisted up inside, never needed
another person so desperately.  He needed someone to talk to, but who?  All
Jesse did was scream at him and walk away.  Everyone else would just end up
hating him -- he was sure of that.

Then it hit him.  Matt sat bolt upright.  "Uncle Dave," he proclaimed to
the open air around him.  (His rabbit friend had moved on.)  He would be
able to help.

Matt decided to forgo another trip through the culvert and put his socks
and shoes back on his feet.  He went towards the back of the clearing where
there was a path back to the main road.  It made for a longer trip, but it
was easier and probably faster.  Once he breached the woods, Matt ran down
to his street and right on to his house.  He came through the front door
and not seeing anyone around, he went straight for the phone.  He found the
number in his mom's address book and started to dial until he froze on the
fifth number.  He remembered why he never called Uncle Dave.  What if Aunt
Allison answered.  Since he had never called before, she would wonder why
he was now and he had no answer to that question..  He place the handset
back into its cradle and sat down at the kitchen table.  What now?

Matt was still sitting there when Michael came through the kitchen and
poked his head in the fridge.  He came out with a cold pop and caught sight
of his little brother sitting there with a dejected look on his face.

"Where's your little boyfriend?  You two have a fight?"

Matt sprung to his feet.  "Fuck you asshole.  You're the fag here."  Had he
just said that?  Man, did he need some help.

"I am not a fucking fag you little shit," Michael said in a threatening
tone.

"Oh, yeah, like I'm scared of you.  Just get away from me before I really
get pissed."

"Whatever," Michael stated, "I'm on my way to meet a girl anyway."  He
headed out the front door without another word.

Matt went for the front door and stuck his head out.  It better not be
Jennifer -- Mom will kick your ass," he said getting in one extra shot.
Michael just shot him a hateful stare and got into the car and drove off.

Matt spun around to find his mother burning a hole through him with her
eyes.  "What was that all about?"  She asked with tone that sound none too
pleased.

"He started it," Matt defended himself.

"I don't doubt it, but that doesn't give you the right to start screaming
four-letter words all over my house.  And I thought I told you not to bring
up Jennifer with him."

"But, you didn't," Matt started but Sharon was just continued that death
stare.  "Yes. ma'am.  I'm sorry," he finished.

"OK," she replied, "but you can just go to your room for a little while and
think about how you can control your temper."

Matt obliged.  It was where he was headed anyway.

"Where's Jesse?"  His mother's voice drifted down the hallway.

"He wanted to get a little sleep.  We were up most of the night.  I'm going
to do the same."

"I'll wake you for dinner."

"OK, mom," he replied and shut his bedroom door behind him.  Completely
drained, Matt flopped on his bed and was asleep almost immediately.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jesse was just beginning to stir when he was brought fully awake by a light
rapping at his bedroom door.  As his door swung slowly open he realized
that he was still half undressed and pulled his blanket over his exposed
body.

"Jesse, honey," his mom's voice drifted softly into the room.  "You slept
right through lunch.  How about getting up for some dinner?"

"OK Mom," Jesse replied.  "I'll be right down."

Jesse's door closed and he got out of bed.  His torso was covered with
dried cum so he went into the bathroom to clean up.  Jesse wasn't sure he
would be able to eat, but when his stomach started to rumble he figured
that he needed to even if he didn't want to.  Satisfied that he was clean
enough, he pulled up his shorts and headed downstairs.  As he descended the
staircase, he could smell vegetable soup.  His mom had made a light dinner,
and Jesse was glad for that.  As he rounded the corner at the bottom of the
steps he saw his mom ladling the soup into bowls and his dad sitting at the
table.

"It lives!" Jim exclaimed at the sight of his son.  "Guess someone had a
little too much fun last night."

For a moment Jesse worried that his dad knew too much, then he came to his
senses.  "Yeah, we were up pretty late."

"Well, sit down and eat up," Anne stated.  "You're a growing boy."

"Oh c'mon Mom," Jesse whined in reply as he sat down.  He found a ham and
cheese sandwich to go with his soup and actually found himself able to eat.

Jim seemed to be full of questions about Jesse's evening and the game
tomorrow.  Jesse kept his answers as short as he could not wanting to
reveal anything.  Finally, Anne chimed in with a question of her own.

"Are you all right Jesse?  You don't seem yourself."

Jesse was ready for this one.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  Just kinda nervous about
the first game...and still a little tired."

"Good," Jim replied.  "You'll be ready for bed early and you can get a good
night's sleep before the game tomorrow.  You've got nothing to be worried
about."

"I suppose," Jesse said as he finished off his soup.  "Can I go watch some
TV?"

Anne waved her hand in reply, shooing her son to the living room.  Anne
started clearing the table as she heard the TV come on in the next room.
As she stood at the kitchen sink, Jim put his arms around her waist and
kissed the side of her neck.  This struck her as strange.  They had always
had an affectionate relationship, but since the incident with Jesse back in
Florida Jim had barely touched her.

"I think Jesse is fitting in just fine here," Jim said.  "The baseball
team, a good friend in Matt plus I think there's something between him and
Angie.  Now if we could just get that hair cut."

`That explains it,' Anne thought.  `Jim is beginning to feel like maybe his
son isn't a freak.'  "He'll cut his hair when he's ready - don`t push him,"
she replied, but she wasn't sure that day would ever come.  She hoped that
Jim would be able to accept their son for who he was, especially if Jesse
turned out to be something Jim didn't want him to be.

"I know and I won't," Jim conceded.

The Edgell's sat quietly and watched TV until about 9:30.  At that point
Jesse went up to bed.  He was still pretty drained from last night and this
morning.  Jesse woke up around midnight with a dry throat and got up to get
a drink.  He considered the sink in his bathroom, but the tap water was so
nasty here.  Instead he decided to get some of the filtered water from the
fridge.  As he entered the hallway outside his room he heard familiar
sounds coming from his parent's room down the hall.  They were having sex
again.  He hadn't heard that in a long time.  While he didn't relish the
thought of his parents going at it, this at least meant his father was
getting back to normal.  He must not suspect anything about Matt.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Angie woke Matt up around 7:00 for dinner.  The Davis family had a very
quiet meal.  Matt and Michael were still pissed at each other and the only
thing that passed between them were deadly stares.  They both had plenty
they wanted to say to each other, but they knew better than to say it in
front of their mother.  The wrath of Sharon was not something you wanted to
deal with if you didn't have to.

After dinner, Matt and Angie watched some TV while Sharon read a book.
Mike called to wish Matt luck with his first game tomorrow and they talked
for a while.  After he got off the phone, Matt kissed his mom good night
and headed for bed.  It was 9:30 and although Matt didn't know it, his
angel was crawling into bed at the same time on the next street over.  Matt
lay in the dark bedroom running his hands over his torso as he pictured
Jesse in his head.  He saw his beautiful face, that cute little turned up
nose, his long, dark hair.  He worked his way down imagining Jesse's dark
skin and even darker nipples, his flat stomach and what was below that.  He
could see Jesse's perfect five inches in his mind's eye and his mouth began
to water.  He could still remember vividly just how his lover tasted.  The
feel of that hard rod in his mouth and the salty sweet taste of his cum.
Matt was getting harder and harder.  He wanted to masturbate so badly, but
was afraid his brother might come to bed.  Matt rolled over onto his side
and did his best to think about nothing.  Slowly, his hard-on went down and
he drifted off to sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning both boys got up and started getting ready for their first
game.  Mike picked up Matt at 11:30 and they were at the field in about
five minutes.  Matt looked around and saw that Jesse wasn't there yet.
Matt did see his catcher, Dan, though.

"Hey, Dan," he yelled, "Let's go ahead and get warmed up."

"OK," Dan called back as he headed for his position behind the plate.

Matt got up on the mound and started throwing some easy pitches.  He didn't
want to over work his arm.  It was nearly noon and everyone was there,
except Jesse.  Matt started to worry.  Had Jesse decided to quit because of
their fight?  Did his parents somehow find out what was going on?  The
coach called them into the dugout and as they all gathered around him, Matt
saw Jesse's parents pulling in.  He watched as Jesse came running over to
the dugout.  God, he was hot!

Everyone greeted Jesse as he joined the team.  He and Matt made eye contact
for a moment, but then both glanced away.  The coach went over who was
starting what position and sent everyone out to the field.  While the
fielders warmed up throwing a ball around with each other, Matt and Dan
went back to pitch and catch until the inning started.  Matt settled in to
throw some real pitches.  As he wound up for the first one he heard Jesse
call to one of their teammates.  Distracted he let go early, so early Dan
had to come out of his stance to grab the high pitch.  Dan just gave Matt a
funny look and tossed the ball back before crouching back down.  Matt threw
another fast ball, but over-corrected causing Dan to trap the ball in the
dirt.

Dan got up and walked to the mound.  "You OK buddy?"

"I'm fine.  Just give me the ball," Matt replied.  Dan put the ball in
Matt's outstretched glove and went back to the plate.  Matt threw the next
one right down the middle, although it didn't have much on it.

The umpire called for play to start and the first batter stepped to the
plate.  Man, was this kid little for a teenager - all of 5 foot nothing.
`Tight strike zone,' Matt thought as he glanced around to make sure his
teammates were all in place.  As he looked in the direction of shortstop,
he noticed that Jesse was not looking back at him.  He was instead watching
the batter.

Matt took a deep breath, trying to compose himself and concentrate on his
pitching.  He wound up and threw another of those high pitches.  "Ball!"
Dan asked for the fastball again and Matt delivered it, so low it bounced
off the plate.  "Ball two!"

"Hey, Matt.  Calm down, concentrate," came the coaches voice from the
dugout.

Matt shook off Dan's signal for the change-up and did it again when he
called for a fastball.  Matt wanted the curve, but no way Dan was giving
him that when he couldn't control the normal pitches.  Dan went back to the
change-up signal and Matt relented.  He took another deep breath and threw
it in there.  Better release, but thrown inside brushing the batter back
from the plate.  Dan went back to the fastball and Matt threw it right down
the center.  With a 3-0 count, the batter just watched it go by.
"Steeerike!"

`OK,' Matt thought, "now give me the curve.'

Dan obliged, giving the curve sign and setting up for a low outside pitch.
Matt threw a good ball, but it dove a little too far and sent the batter to
first base.  Matt went for another curve on the next pitch and it just hung
over the middle of the plate.  The batter hit a hard ground ball that
should have found its way into the outfield, but Jesse made a diving grab.
After a glance at second base, Jesse went to first with the ball and got
the batter out.  The first batter might be small, but he was fast.

Matt again had control problems with the next batter and on a 3-1 pitch
noticed the runner take off from second base as he went into his wind-up.
He tried to throw it harder to get the pick at third but buried it in the
dirt again, sending another batter to first and making the stolen base
easy.

Dan again walked out to the mound.  "What's up with you, man?"

"I'm fine," Matt protested.  "Just having some control problems.  I'll get
it."

"OK.  This next guy looks like a bruiser.  Don't give him anything easy."
Dan handed Matt the ball and they tapped gloves.

Dan got back into his crouch and Matt went for a fastball, low and inside.
Instead it went right down the pike and without much on it.  The batter
sent it deep into centerfield.  Jason chased it down and caught it at the
fence.  Any other part of the field and it would have been over the fence.
Both runners advanced, putting a run on the board.  The next batter chased
a high pitch and sent an easy pop fly to second base ending the top half of
the inning.  The damage was minimal considering the pitching problems.

Back in the dugout, Matt got a pep talk from the coach.  Jesse wanted
desperately to talk to Matt, but he was on deck as the second batter.
Regardless, what could he say to him here?  Matt spent the rest of the
inning trying to calm down, not even watching his team bat.  Jesse got a
base hit, but no one else had any luck and the inning ended 1-0.

Back on the mound, Matt walked another batter then had a hard hopper hit
right back at him.  He managed to knock it down, but couldn't make the
play.  The next batter ripped one into the left field corner for a double
and two RBI's.  Dan started for the mound again, but Matt gave him a hard
stare that said get back to your position.  He looked to the coach who
signaled him to go back to the plate.  Matt was a good player and he'd get
to face at least one more batter.  His next pitch, however, would be his
last.  He threw a wild pitch high and inside sending the batter to the
ground in self-defense.  Coach Rob called for time and went out to the
mound.

"I hate to do it Matt, but you're just off your game today."

"Aw c'mon coach.  I'll get it together," Matt protested.

Rob put a hand on Matt's shoulder and looked him straight in the eye.
"Normally, I would give you some more time.  I know how good you are, but
I'm afraid someone is going to get hurt.  Plus if I pull you now, you can
be back on the mound in two games."

Matt relented, handing the ball over to the coach.  He went into the
dugout, tossed his glove in the corner, sat right next to it and pulled his
hat down to hide his face.  He just wanted to cry, but no way he was doing
that here.  The other kids in the dugout were silent, afraid to say
anything.  The coach called John out of the dugout to play right field so
Corey could come in and pitch.

After warming up, Corey got them out of the inning without any more runs.
As the team came back to the dugout, Matt heard everyone telling him it was
OK, but he didn't look up.  Then he felt a hand on his forearm and heard
that voice.  The one that could make him feel completely content, horny as
hell or tied up in knots inside.  That was what it had done to him today.
"Don't worry about it bud.  It's OK."  Matt lifted his head and looked into
those deep blue eyes and knew immediately that while Jesse was talking
about his pitching, that wasn't the only thing he was talking about.

Matt watched the rest of the game as his spirits picked up a little.  Jesse
led off in the seventh inning with a double and they managed to tie up the
game at 3-3, but the first batter in the last inning ripped one over the
fence and the game ended 4-3.  Matt felt bad that his poor performance had
probably lost the game, but no one said anything to him that wasn't
encouraging.  As they were getting ready to leave after shaking hands with
the other team, Jesse caught Matt away from everyone else.

"Meet me in OUR spot" was all he said, then he went over to his parents.

Matt took a deep breath and smiled just a little.  He was sure that
everything would be OK.



That's where we'll stop for now.  The next chapter is pretty well planned
out in my head.  Now all I need is the time to get it on paper, so to
speak.  A note to my regular readers: I lost my mailing list when excite
changed ownership so if you want back on it or just on it, please drop me a
line and let me know.  Of course, as always, I love to hear what you think
of the story - good AND bad.  Bye, until next time.