Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005 20:34:14 -0700 (PDT) From: Jay Winton <outoday05@yahoo.com> Subject: Secrets Worth Keeping ***I don't know what I was thinking...or why I did it...but I remember the day before thinking about it thinking about getting something to eat...I didn't eat for weeks Well that's expected when all your mom cares about is when she'll get her next hit or a needle stuck in her arm Have u ever been so hungry that you can't do anything not even cry cuz your body won't let you? Seeing men after men going into your mom's room fucking her brains out Then leaving like nothing has happen so I did it I stole from the store they caught me. My mom? Like she'd come and get me so here I am 16, in jail, all alone like before. " So you all alone son?" The officer said as he fingerprinted my hands for records. "Yea I guess I am." I responded in a barely audible tone as I lowered my head and chocked back tears. " What's your name son? -pause- WHAT"S YOUR FUCKING NAME?" the officer spat at me as I regained myself and wiped my tears away "Cole...but my real name is Colton Lee Jackson, but people call me Cole." I said as he took down my name and led me to an empty room. " Where's your mom?" a women asked as she sat me down in her chair. " I don't know," I said as I lowered my head once again. At this response she drew in a breath and let it out. " Can you call home?" She asked as she wiped her forehead. " Yea..." I mumbled as I picked up the receiver and dialed my number. " -Moan- who the fuck is this?" I heard my mom say...I put the phone down and told the women there was no response. She drew in another breath. I couldn't take it anymore... " Excuse me mam...but what is going to happen to me?" I asked as I looked at her. She looked at me and didn't say anything but stood up and called the guard. And now I'm here. Standing in a cold dungy cell that smells like used and old. I tried not to cry...but how can you not? " Why was I so stupid? Why did I have to go and steal for?" I said to myself as I looked around the cell that was gonna be my new home since my whore of a mom wasn't going to come through and help me. It was like hell. It was an old color of beige, with two beds on either side, or a toilet in the middle... "This is home," I whispered to myself as I let it all go. " Are you going to be crying a lot...because I'm trying to go to sleep?" I heard a voice say from the other side of the room. Just then the figure swung his feet across the side of the bed and jumped down. " Hi...I'm Dane." The boy said, as he looked me up and down. "I'm Colton...but my friend's call me Cole" I said in the same voice I used earlier that day with the women and the guard. "Your cute" Dane said as he dug in his pants and took out a cig. "Want one?" he offered as he held out his hand "No... I don't smoke," I said as I sat my stuff down and flopped down on the bed. " You don't smoke yet you mean?" he said as he sat down on his bed. We shared and awkward moment where we just started at each other...and I thought I could hear what he was thinking.... and I also took this time to notice how cute he was. Then the lights went out and I was sitting there dumbfounded not knowing what was going on. "It's 10 at night...lights off" Dane said as he lay there emotionless but I could still hear him breathing. " What are you in here for? Some pussy ass shit like theft?" Dane asked as he set up on one arm. I didn't say anything just looked up at the ceiling waiting for my eyes to get use to the darkness. " Yea thought so..." He said as he rolled over. "What are you in here for?" I asked him " Getting caught giving a guy a blowjob and selling weed," He said as he rolled over again and went to sleep. "Wow..." is all I got out before I found myself yawning and drifting to sleep. " RISE AND SHINE MAGGOTS IT"S BREAKFAST TIME COME AND GET IT" the guard shouted. I awoke with that eerie feeling you get when you realize that you're not in your own bed (or floor) for me. I looked around at the nasty beige colored walls and got sick. "So you talk all night, and puke your first day here. Dane said, as he got dressed... You're really going to last" he said as he tied his shoes and left the cell. " Cole...get it together...please" I said to myself...no begging myself as I got up and put one some clothes and walked out of the cell. " Watch where you're going faggot" Some kid with a baldhead and a nazi tattooed on his arm said as I bumped into him. This is not real...what did I get myself into? I asked myself as I walked into the cafeteria. I stood in line and got my sloppy Joe, white bread, and milk box and it was the first day of school all over again...searching for a place in a new environment and no where to sit. " I said get out of my way." The skinhead said as he brushed past me again. "You really are hopeless you know that?" Dane said as he grabbed me by my shoulders and led me to his table. " You can't just stand there with your head up your ass...you'll get your head and your ass kicked" he said as he dug into his food. Ironically I wasn't hungry...I just wanted to get out of that place. But unlike school I couldn't just get up and walk out...I was here until someone came and got me...I was here forever. After breakfast...Dane and I headed back to our room. " Wanna play cards?" Dane asked as he took a drag from his cig. "Yea why not?" I said " Killer?" he said as I shook my head yes. He dealt the hands and we started to play. The whole game we shared peeks between each other. "So...any women back at home?" Dane asked and looked at me and studied my every move. "Err...no not really...never much luck with girls." I said as I played three queens. " Queens huh?" he said with a light chuckle. I then put down three kings and won the game. "Never been beat," He said as he finished the last of his second cig and flicked it in the toilet. " Nice shot" I said with a smile as he looked at me. " Yea I was the all star for my basketball team" He said with a smirk as he yawned and lifter his arms to stretch. His stomach was so ripped and he had the v lines...that do so many things to me downstairs that I had to avert my eyes back to the cards I was shuffling for the next game. " Ever fucked anyone?" He asked me as we started to play another game. " Err...no...not really interested in sex." I said " Too bad...you'd be good," he said as he raised his eyebrows. " I wouldn't know...the only thing I've had is my hand...and I guess that's good so maybe I am?" I said as Dane started to laugh at me...I didn't know why and I got that confused look on my face. Dane started at me and I started back. His eyes were so green and blue all at the same time...and he had an amazing mouth...yea I said it...mouth...that's a big turn on for me. " Killer" he said as he put down the last of his cards and stood up. " I gotta go to my meeting," He said as the guard came and unlocked our cell. " Don't make any plans for tonight..." He said as he walked out. ****This is my new story that I'm writing...it's the begging...it's gonna get better with every chapter so if you like it I'd love to know. Jay Email: outoday05@yahoo.com