Date: Fri, 2 Jul 2010 01:16:36 -0400 (EDT)
From: jacobmillertex@aol.com
Subject: Shadow Of My Father: Chapter 16

{The Shadow of My Father is pure fiction. As I am writing this story, I am
above the age of 21. Any similarity to any other events, names, or life
events is pure accidental. If you are under age, (according to your state
laws as a minor), if this literature is offensive to you or to anyone
around your viewing area, or it is illegal for you to view such content
where you are reading it, stop reading the story.  This story can't be
distributed in any way, shape or form without my expressed consent.

Authoring a good and engaging story is only half the job. The other half is
having an editor that will take the artistic work and make it read smoothly
and easily. I have such a guy doing that for me and he deserves a ton of
thanks from me (and you) for what you read, both in this story and my
previous (and ongoing) story "Jacob, Finding His Way".  If you have
comments or want to speak to "Daddy" Rick, please feel free to do so. He's
an engaging character and has a lot of input to the final product you
read. He reads all the comments you send in by e-mail. Most times you will
see his remarks in the Editor's Corner at the end of a chapter.}

Written by J.P.G.

		Chapter 16

(BERNICE'S POINT OF VIEW)

With Josh out of town for the next couple of days, I am pretty bored. I
normally hang with him at his house when we aren't in school. It is getting
closer to the holidays, and that means no school. I really hope Josh is
here during that time. If he isn't, I am going to pull my hair out.

I decided on Saturday top go down and speak with Chris for the first time
since he and Josh broke up. Josh asked me not to get involved, but I still
see the hurt in his eyes. Chris really hurt him by leaving without telling
him why.

When I knocked on the door of Chris's house, Coach Montoya answered. He
looked at me and smiled. Before I could say a word he invited me in.

"Bernice I have been waiting for your visit. I am surprised it has taken
you this long for you to come over. To tell you the truth I wish you had
come down a lot sooner than this. Chris is hurting as much as Josh is. He
thinks he is masking the hurt, but we see it."

"Coach, please excuse my bluntness. Chris is the one that decided to walk
away without saying a word to the one that stood by him. I know you
shouldn't expect anything in return when you stand by someone when they are
in a bad time in their life, but come on Coach, not a word as to why?"

Coach just looked down to the floor and then over to the entrance. At first
I thought it was Chris coming in, but it wasn't. Coach's wife joined me and
the coach in the living room. She greeted me as she sat next to her
husband.

"Bernice everything you just said is correct. Chris should have said
something to Josh. Anything is better then nothing. I can't answer that
question except you will need top talk with Chris about that.

Just promise me when you go to Chris's room you won't beat up on him. He is
hurting and knows he made a major mistake. Just like any teenager, he
doesn't know how to fix it. Is there a chance that he can mend fences with
Josh?"

"To tell you the truth Coach; no! Chris left Josh all alone when he needed
him the most. When it seemed the whole world was falling apart for Josh,
Chris wasn't there for Josh to lean on. Do you know how hard it was for me
and the others to get Josh not only through the hurt Elizabeth did to him
at school, but also the hurt of Chris leaving him at that time. To top it
all off he did it without even giving a reason why."

"I agree with you Bernice and I am not going to make excuses for neither of
the boys. I just hope these guys can work things out. Chris will be going
back to El Paso High next week. I hope he has friends to go back to."

"Why now is he going back to El Paso High? Why not just keep him where he
is right now? Give Chris a chance to begin anew. It might be better than
going back to a school he himself burnt the bridges to the friends he had."

Coach's face dropped when I said that. At the same time he tightens his
hold on his wife's hand. I thought I might have gotten him angry, but the
look n his face isn't anger. It is more of a look of being scared for
Chris.

"I hear everything you are saying Bernice. We can't afford to be taking
Chris back and forth to the other school. We needed to enroll him into the
Ysleta District because that is where my brother lives. It is just too hard
to take him and bring him back."

With that Coach Montoya got up and took me to Chris's room. He knocked on
his door before opening it. Coach let me in and he left me alone with
Chris. As I walked in, it looked like Chris was drawing something.

"Hey Chris I have been meaning to get over here to see how you are. You had
us worried for a while when you disappeared. Then we heard Coach Montoya
transferred you to Eastwood High School."

Chris didn't say a word to me. In fact he kept drawing whatever he was
drawing when I walked in. That is when I figured Chris isn't going to talk
with me. To him I am the enemy. He and Josh are no longer an item, and I am
still friends with Josh.

"Well Chris I can see you don't want me here. I will leave. I just wanted
to see that you are doing ok. Coach told me you will be returning to El
Paso High next week. You have nothing to worry from us. We will not speak
ill of you or to you. We honestly wish you the best and hope you meet
someone new. I hope you a new group of friends that is as close as our
group is. Again I hope you do well!"

Even as I walked out, Chris didn't look up from his desk. I knew right then
and there Chris isn't going to be part of our group when he returns. We
will see him around, but that's all. It will be nothing like before when he
and Josh were together.

On my way home I kept kicking myself in the butt. I told the Coach what I
wanted to tell Chris. I really wanted an answer in why he did what he
did. I didn't get that from him. Instead I left Chris disliking him even
more.

Why can't Chris just say why he did what he did? He not only lost a good
guy in Josh, but he lost a good circle of friends in us. When he returns he
is going to have a hard time adjusting back at school. None of us is going
to console him without him telling Josh why he did what he did. As things
stand now, there is no way they are going to become at least friends.

(JOSHUA'S POINT OF VIEW)

Every eye in the hanger is looking at me on the stage. I still can't
believe that not only there is a reporter asking the questions in the
fashion in which he is but my mother came out of nowhere to make matters
worse.

She stormed the hanger like our troops stormed the beaches of Normandy not
allowing one soul to stop her from her mission. With the guard's right
behind her, she pushed her way through the reporters. She has so much hate
and anger in her eyes and voice!

When the guards finally got through the crowd of reporters and caught up to
my mother, it was too late. The question had been asked and she got her two
cents in. Nothing they do now is going to get her to move from where she is
standing.

Even the reporters that were talking with Carlos and Daniel made their way
to Brandon and me. What surprised me the most is Daniel and Carlos. They
joined Brandon and me on the stage. They actually stood there beside me as
I started to get attacked by questions.

Our mother turned to the reporters, still out of breath and spoke.

"Ask my son why he is the why he is. It isn't the up bringing I can tell
you that. So Joshua answers the reporter's questions. Tell them how dirty
you are as a person. How you made the decision to be what you are; gay!"

The guards started to pull my mother away when I stopped them. There is no
way I am going to let her walk out of here as the victim. She will stand
here and hear my answer even if the guards have to tie her to the stage.

"No, let her stay and hear the answers. That is why we are here, to answer
questions; right? We can't choose what questions to answer and what
question not to answer. I will answer any question on my life. I will
answer any question about my standing on issues. But I will not answer
questions on what my father might think or do. He is a great man and
deserves to be this State's next Governor.

We here are standing testimony to that fact. He does everything for his
family. It takes a lot for him to say enough is enough. He wasn't going to
stand by allow the mother of his children to mistreat them; mistreat them
for something that is no fault of their own."

I looked around the hanger seeing that all eyes are on me. My mother being
held back by the guards that chased her down! And then my father walking in
and making his way to the little stage where my brothers and I are
standing. Just as he walked on the stage, he walked up to me and put his
arms around my shoulders.

With a dry throat and my body shaking, I started to answer the question of
the reporter and my mother.

"So mom and you Sir, that asked the questions, here is an answer from my
heart. I never chose to be gay. No one that walks on this earth just wakes
up one morning and chooses to be gay. Who wants this kind of life? Who
chooses to risk being hated by all your friends, family and community? No
one chooses that, trust me!

You're right mom. We have been brought with the right values and beliefs
that you and dad tried to instill in us. You taught us right from
wrong. You taught us when someone is suffering, try to help that person,
not push them further down. You guys instilled in us as we grew to be
individuals, not to just do things because the others are doing it.  You
and our father instilled in as to be truthful, honest, and be there when
another needs a shoulder to lean on. You taught us a lot more than that;
you taught us LOVE!

Mom, I never choose to be gay. I never wanted you to hate me like you do. I
never wanted kids at my school to walk on the other side of the hallway and
refuse to be on the same swim team with me. I never wanted to fear to
beaten up any moment of the day because I am gay, or to be an outcast in my
community. No mom, I never chose that to be my life."

Tears started to roll down my cheek as I spoke. My voice really started to
break as I spoke. But I needed to get this out once and for all. That is
the only way I can walk away with my head held high.

"Instead of outing your son and treating him less then scum, try to support
him during the worst time in his life. Every kid that has walked in my
shoes and that will walk in my shoes in the future needs to be supported by
friends and family. They need the support from their community and
classmates. Too many get shunned and they think the only way out is by
killing themselves. No one loves them for a supposed choice that is totally
out of their hands.

We need to be loved just the same no matter what we come to be. I love you
still mom. You will always be my mother no matter what you think of me. But
right now I need family and friends around me that will support me. Like my
father, brothers and friends back home in El Paso.

I really hope I have answered your questions you asked, Sir. I'm sorry I
didn't get your name."

Everyone in the entire hanger just stood there in silence. My father guided
me and my brothers off the stage. As he walked by the guards holding my
mother, he asked them to let her go. She doesn't deserve to go to jail.

My father went out and did his speech and as before, we left right
afterward. For the rest of the weekend all that flashed in the news was me
talking to the press. How I handled myself and answered the questions
directly and truthfully.

As we headed into Monday, my father's lead over the incumbent Governor
jumped another three points. I thought I hurt his lead, but instead he got
a small bump. He really didn't need a bump, because he already is winning
this election in double digits.

Monday wasn't any different than the weekend. We stopped in four more
cities before heading back home to El Paso. Everywhere we went, the crowds
were huge. Not just a few thousand, but tens of thousands. I couldn't help
but keep thinking that is all a dream.

As we approached the El Paso International Airport, I could see the crowd
that had gathered to meet my father as he returned. At first they looked
like little ants walking around down below. Once the plane circled around,
landed and then came to a complete stop I looked out and saw the crowd
wasn't a crowd, but once again tens of thousands.

My father gave his final speech of the campaign where it all started
several months ago. He said that in his closing.

"I end my campaign where I started several months ago here, back home in El
Paso Texas. No matter what happens tomorrow, win or loose. We will wait and
see if the voters of Texas want me to be their next Governor. Please don't
stay home tomorrow, go out and vote. I need your vote I want your vote."

The long trip is finally over. I will be sleeping in my own bed
tonight. Not in a seat on the plane flying around the state of Texas. I
really don't know how my father did this week in and week out for the last
several months.

The next day we didn't have to go to school. My father called in for us in
order to rest. In fact the school asked if we are going to miss Wednesday
as well since it is going to be a late night. We might not get enough sleep
for the next day of school. My father with hesitation agreed with the
school attendance office.

I have never been through a boring day like I am going through right
now. We went with our father in the morning to vote. He answered a few
questions as he went in and as he came out but other than that, the day has
been a big bore. It was so boring Daniel and Carlos joined me and Brandon
in a game of touch football in the back yard!

(ERIC'S POINT OF VIEW)

All day Monday and again here on Tuesday everyone asked for Josh. These
guys wouldn't speak to Josh if the school is burning down. Now they want to
speak with him because his father is going to be the next Governor of
Texas. I better wait and see what the voters do today before counting my
chickens and saying Josh's dad has won.

As usual, I joined Bernice and the guys at the table for breakfast. It
isn't the same without Josh there. He is the one that keeps us talking and
joking around. He is like the glue that holds this group together.

Just like on Monday, I saw Chris sitting by himself off in a corner. Chris
returned back to school yesterday. I saw him in the cafeteria during
lunch. He was sitting all by himself then too. When I saw that, I felt bad
for him. Then I thought to myself he chose this, not us. Until Josh comes
back, we won't do a thing about Chris.

All of a sudden I felt someone patting me on my shoulder. I looked around
and saw Cesar standing there. I smiled and invited him to sit with us. I
introduced Cesar to everyone at the table. When I introduced Cesar to
Bernice, it looked like he wanted to jump her bones. I couldn't help but
smile at that. If he is straight he can try and get with Bernice.

I met Cesar last Friday in the hallway. Well, actually, I ran into him for
the first time in the hallway. We didn't actually meet until later that
day. Still something I saw in him got me wondering. I saw him several other
times before, but I never really paid much attention to him. I figure we
had our group of friends already.

Still I just can't put my fingers on it, but I think he might be like
Josh. He is also a handsome guy. It's not that I play on Josh's side of the
field when it comes to my love life but I am confident enough in myself
that I can say another guy is cute and not worry about others thinking I am
gay.

Anyways I got off base with what I was saying. This guy is at least six
one, maybe a little taller. Weighs around one hundred and seventy pounds,
but pure muscle! It doesn't look like he has any fat on him. White, not
Hispanic, with blue eyes, with short blond hair, and a smile I know Josh
would love.

I finally got the balls before lunch on Friday to go up and introduce
myself to him. At first I won't lie; I was nervous.  I haven't done
something like this before. But I really want to do something for Josh to
get him out of the bad mood he is in. I walked up to him as he made his way
to the cafeteria.

"Excuse me I know you don't know me, but I have see you around and noticed
you really don't hang with a certain group. I would like to invite you to
hang with me and my group of friends over there."

I pointed to the table where we normally sit. Right now there is no one
there yet. This guy just looked at me like was from another planet. I think
I stepped into some crap by doing what I just did. I don't even know if
this kid likes guys. Hell he is cute and more than likely has girls all
over him.

"I am sorry I didn't catch your name in all that. My name is Cesar!"

"Nice to meet you Cesar, my name is Eric. So sorry for not giving you my
name before, I really never done this before! Normally we see someone and
invite them to join us as a group. I can understand you have friends that
you can with already or you don't want to hang with us. We kind of have a
rep already that scares others off."

"Well I know your group and it doesn't scare me off. And you were right at
the beginning, I don't hang with anyone. But I can't hang with you guys
today, I have things to do. Maybe another time if that is possible?"

"That is fine, you know where we sit. Just come on by and join us."

I walked away thinking he will never come by but here he is, several days
later, wanting to join us for lunch. He fit in really nice with our
group. He caught on right away with what we were talking about. Just like
the others, it seems as if he has been part of the group from the beginning
of the year.

After we all finished eating, we walked out to the stadium. Bernice walked
on one side of me and Cesar on the other. The other guys walked in front of
us. As we sat and looked out to the field to watch other students fool
around. We made fun of them. I know I know that is mean, but we need to do
something to pass the time.

Cesar leaned over and whispered in my ear. What he told me I couldn't
believe. I hope it isn't any indication on me.

"Eric you guys are very cool. Thank you for inviting me to join you. But I
need to tell you this from the beginning, I am gay. I am open about it if
anyone asks. I just don't show it to others."

"Cesar, that doesn't bother me or will bother any of these guys here. In
fact my best friend is gay. You haven't met him yet, but you will. To tell
you the truth I had hoped you are gay. Josh, my best friend, needs someone
in his life right now."

Cesar looked at me and then over to Bernice. When he looked back at me he
has a smile on his face. I think I got his attention with Josh.

"You know Eric I have seen your best friend Josh around the halls since
school started. I even started to attend to the swim meets to get a look at
him in his shorts. To tell you the truth, I liked him from the moment I saw
him the first day of school."

"Well you will meet him on Thursday when he comes back to school. Right now
he and his brothers are with his father on the campaign trail. Wait I am
wrong, they are back in town because it's Election Day."

"I heard and believe me when I say this Eric. I don't want to meet Josh
because of his father and what he is going to be. I want to meet him
because I like him. I knew who you were when you first approached me, I
just played dumb.

When you invited me to sit with you guys, the best thing I hoped for is to
meet Josh. Maybe become friends with him and all of you. Admire him still
from afar kind of thing. If I even get a chance to go out with him, I would
be in heaven."

"Why don't you come with us to Josh's house tonight? We are going to hang
with him as the election is called. We are even going to go down to UTEP
and stand behind stage while Josh's dad speaks to the voters of Texas"

"No way, you got to be pulling my leg. You are really going to invite me to
be there when our next Governor is elected? That is very cool man! I really
would like to meet Josh. I know I will meet him soon, but tonight..."


I have never seen anyone so excited. Cesar is almost doing back flips down
the stadium right now. I am a little mixed if the excitement is because of
meeting Josh or his father. I will take him at his word from earlier. He
doesn't care who his father is.

Bernice and I settled him down right before the bell rang. Since none of us
have any classes with Cesar we told him to meet us here at the school at
six. He agreed with a big smile on his face.

After he left I talked it over with Bernice. I needed to hear if I made a
mistake about Cesar. I told her everything from the talk I had with him
last Friday to the talk today. Bernice reinsured me that there isn't
anything to worry about. Both of us will protect Josh from getting hurt
again by anyone.

Bernice and I met on one side of the school before heading over to get
Cesar. On the way Patrick and Billy caught up with us. This is the first
time out of school Billy is without his girlfriend. There is something odd
there.

Once we got Cesar we made our way to Josh's house. Everyone seemed to be
very nervous. Who can blame us? We are about to walk into the house of the
front runner of the Governorship of Texas. None of us have met or known a
person like Josh's father.

When we reached Josh's block, it was roped off. I couldn't believe the
amount of time getting through the police line. Still they wouldn't let us
through to get to Josh's house. So Bernice and I ran to the corner on Mesa
Street to call Josh's house.

Who ever answered the phone at Josh's house put Josh on right away. I told
him what was going on. He told me not to worry about it. He will meet us
down below to get us in. I hung up, told Bernice what he said as we ran
back to where the others were waiting.

Just as Bernice and I got there, Josh arrived. People started screaming and
yelling at him. They wanted to know how the family is doing. What the
General is doing in the hours leading up to the polls being closed? Just
question after question being thrown at Josh! He just smiled and kept
saying over and over again that he hopes the voters vote for his dad. He
was very calm as if it is a walk in the park!

He told the officers to let us in. At first he didn't know Cesar, but let
him in because I told him that Cesar is cool. All the way up to the house
we asked Josh how it was being out there for his father. All he could talk
about is the plane and people that he saw.

Before we were allowed in the house, the guards needed to check us. They
didn't strip search us. But they patted us down, making us take everything
out of our pockets. Josh already told us not to bring bags.

Once we got into the house, Josh's dad came out and greeted us. I couldn't
believe he took the time to say hi. This night is more then likely the most
important night of his life right now, and he takes the time to say
hi. What a guy Josh's dad is.

(JOSHUA'S POINT OF VIEW)

Once I went down and got Bernice, Eric and the others. I couldn't help but
wonder who this cute guy that is with them. I just kept stealing looks at
his butt in his tight fitting jeans as we walked to my house.

My dad being himself greeted my friends as we headed to the back
yard. There is no way they will fit in my room. We stood out there talking
about everything that had happened at school. They kept asking me over and
over again how it was campaigning for my dad. I tried my best to stay away
from that subject.

About twenty minutes in Eric realized that he hasn't introduced the new
guy. He pulled me and the new guy aside in order to make introductions.

"Sorry for being an ass here you guys. I should have introduced you two
once we got back here. So let me correct that right now. Cesar this is my
best friend that I have known since we were in diapers, Josh. Josh this
Cesar!"

We shook hands laughing at what Eric said. We have known each other for a
very long time now. So long we are finishing each other thoughts at times.

We rejoined the others and just talked. Somehow the conversation found its
way to Chris. I didn't even know that Chris is back at El Paso High. What I
could understand he returned to school on Monday. He is pretty much all by
himself each time they see him!

Bernice told me about her visit she had with Chris and Coach. She told us
what the Coach said to her on why Chris is returning back to school. Pretty
much everything they talked about. Then she told us that Chris wouldn't
even say a word to her. So her visit with him didn't even last five
minutes.

"Look guys I don't want to stop you being friends with him. If you want to
be friends with him, go for it. I will not hold it against you at all. He
was all of our friends before he moved to another school. It has to be hard
to come back and not have any of your friends talking to you."

"Josh we didn't choose to cut all ties with him. He just stopped talking to
us. Yeah he moved to another school, ok! But he didn't move from his
house. He still had a phone to call us, and he still could have come down
to any of our house to tell us what is up. He didn't do any of that.

As far as you and him, that is between you two. We will never get in the
middle of that stuff. He just decided to move on and not talk with us. None
of us did anything to him. In fact you didn't do anything to him to make
him do what he did to you. No he chose what he wanted, and it is his fault
for where he is now. For me I will never be his friend again," Eric said
putting his thoughts and feelings out there plainly. He had thought it
through and took his stance. Perhaps Eric has a future in politics!

Everyone started to shake their heads as Eric spoke. It seems they are all
in complete agreement with Eric's assessment of the situation. I know it is
over between me and Chris. I just didn't want him to lose friends as well.

"Ok, ok Eric I understand where you are coming from. We make a pact here
not to do him any harm at school or out of school. No matter what we feel
about him, he was a friend to each of us. He doesn't need us making his
life even worse than it is already. We will just stay clear from him and I
am sure he will do the same."

Everyone agreed with me. Although Chris and I are not together anymore, I
still care for him. It didn't take much for Patrick to change the subject
back over to me and being with my father the last couple of days.

"Ok, ok I will tell you guys how it was. I don't wish this on anyone at
all. Being..."

I told the guys everything from the airplane, to the people, to the food
and how we were treated in each city. They all just stood there as I told
the story. No one looked away or tried to butt in. They just wanted to live
through my eyes.

Before I knew it, all of us started playing football in the back yard. My
grandmother called us in for dinner. Since there is so many people at the
house, my dad decided to have a cook out in the back yard. I thought it was
weird at first because of the time of year. But after thinking about it, it
is a good idea.

We all sat there eating and joking around with each other. My father came
out a couple of times joking with us. Even Daniel and Carlos joined us
outside with their friends. Brandon was the last to join the rest of us
outside.

For some reason Eric made sure I sat next to Cesar. I didn't mind at all
since he is cute as hell. Still I have to wonder why he is doing it. Does
he know something about Cesar that he hasn't told me?

I through dinner I talked with Cesar. I wanted to get to know him. By the
time we all got called in, I started to think I knew the answer about what
Eric is hiding from me. I think Cesar is gay like me. Boy do I really hope
so.

I looked at the clock on the wall as we walked in and saw it is ten
twenty. I couldn't help but wonder why we are being called in this
early. The polls just closed a little over three hours ago. There can't be
a call on the election yet.

Everyone stood around a television somewhere in the house. There is no one
in the house big enough for all of us to be in to watch the returns. My
brothers and I walked up front and joined my father on the couch as the guy
on television came back on.

"We now can call the Governor's race in Texas. There shouldn't be a
question who has won here tonight. Going into tonight General Lopez has had
double digit lead in the polls. It hasn't changed here on election night.

The winner of the Governor's race of Texas is Republican nominee, General
Daniel Lopez. The Governor's Office in Austin, Texas is back in Republican
hands once again."

All through the house you heard cheering once the announcement was
made. All of us hugged our father as he just sat there after the news. I
don't think he believed the polls when they had him ahead all this
time. Now the voters of Texas have put him in the Governorship of their
State.

Before we could get out of the way, people started rushing in. All of them
trying to congratulate my father on his win this evening!

As I started making my way over to my friends the phone started to
ring. Just as fast as the house got noisy, it went silent. Everyone looked
at the phone like it was a bomb or something. My father made his way over
and answered.

We all knew who it was. Within seconds after my father answered the phone,
I heard him say "Governor". I still can't believe it is the Governor of
Texas calling my father and saying congratulations.

As soon as my father got off the phone he told everyone it was the Governor
he was speaking with on the phone. He conceded the race. The house broke
out in roars of congrats and good bye all at once. Good bye to the out
going Governor and congrats to my father.

We hurried and put on our Jackets in order to make our way to UTEP. My
father is going to accept the Governorship of Texas there on the football
field. Just as we all started walking out the door, the phone rang. It
stopped all of us in our tracks.

We looked at each other as my father went to answer. I really hope it isn't
the Governor calling back to take back what he said earlier. I could see in
everyone's face the same fear. Then we heard my father say, "Thank you,
Mr. President".

That was a like a light switch. It flipped on and we all started to breath
again. The call didn't take long at all. Before I knew it, we started
pulling out of the driveway. In the main car is my father, grandmother, me
and my brothers. Of course my father had Mr. Stewart drive with us.

In the cars following us are our close friends and family. That includes my
friends from school. I know I am not going to school tomorrow. Still how
about my friends? It is going to be a late night without question.

(CESAR'S POINT OF VIEW)

I couldn't believe that I got invited to Josh's house on this night of
nights. I really wanted to meet Josh, but I really don't know if this is
the best time to do so.

Once we got through the road block, I couldn't stop looking at Josh. I have
seen him from afar all year long. Now I am several feet away from him. What
is surprising me the most right now is the way Josh is.

His father is about to become the next Governor of Texas. Here he is acting
like you or me. None of this fame he and his father are experiencing has
gone to his head. I have heard kids always think they are better than
others when their parents are important people. Not Josh. He couldn't care
less.

When Eric finally introduced us, I didn't want to let go of his hand. I am
standing right in front of Josh. Man I am a happy man right now. Then when
we sat down to eat. I can't explain the way I was feeling. My stomach is I
knots and my head feels like it is floating above my body.

We talked so much I can't remember what we talked about. Every chance I
got, I tried to move closer to him. With my little finger I tried to steal
as many touches to Josh's legs as possible. The whole time as we sat there
talking, I tried to memorize everything about him. Every detail from head
to toe I want burnt into my brain.

We all got called in to the house to watch the returns. Josh and his
brothers got pulled to the couch where their father was sitting. Behind the
television is a guy with a camera I figure to start and take pictures of
the family when the election is called.

I stood by Eric and Bernice and watched the television with excitement. I
wasn't excited for the same reason that everyone else was. My excitement is
for Josh and what he has to be feeling right now. I am here with him and
his friends on a very important night of his family.

The election got called and the house broke out in loud roars. Before I
knew it I started getting tugged in all directions. People I didn't even
know kept hugging me in the excitement of the news. Even Eric, Bernice and
the guys shook and hugged me.

I couldn't believe how quick the house got quiet when the phone rang. Josh
made his way to us as his father picked up the phone. All through the call
the house stayed quiet. Once Josh's dad made the announcement it got loud
again.

Josh's friends kept patting him on the shoulder and hugging him. I really
didn't know what to do at this moment. I just met the guy a couple of hours
ago. But my thoughts got answered within moments.

Josh grabbed a hold of my hand and shook it. He pulled me in for a hug. I
did the only thing I knew what to do, I hugged back. The hug only lasted a
few seconds, but it was long enough to get me instantly and uncontrollably
arroused.

We all rushed out of the house and climbed into cars. I got dragged along
by Bernice and Eric. If it wasn't for them pulling me along, I would have
been trampled. All of us climbed into a van to make our way to UTEP.

As we tried to make our way to the freeway, we got slowed down by the crowd
of people wanting to be part of this night. I just looked out of the window
at all the people yelling congrats to Josh's father and family.

Once we made it to the freeway, it was smooth sailing. It only took us a
couple of minutes on the freeway to get to the UTEP Center from Josh's
house. The police sealed off the freeway and the exit ramps to UTEP. Making
it easier for us to get there!

Josh met us as we drove up. He walked with us into the private entrance. I
couldn't believe Josh is walking beside me, not the others. I am on his
right side and Bernice is walking on his left side.

(JOSHUA'S POINT OF VIEW)

The night was a blur. The only things I could remember is arriving at the
UTEP Center, watching my dad as he walked onto the stage in the middle of
the football field to address a stadium filled with voters and walk off. I
could only imagine what is going through my father's mind right now.

He has to be excited, scared, and nervous all at once. He accepted the
Governorship and thanked the voters for their vote. He promised them they
will not regret the decision they made this day. All through his speech he
kept getting interrupted by applause and screams from the audience.

I don't even know when my friends left. I do know they came back to my
house. After that I don't know when they left. None of us got to bed before
five. No one wanted this night to end. No one wanted to go home.

No one woke up before noon the next day. That included my father. When I
made my way downstairs I found my grandma trying to clean up the
place. Since no one else is awake yet, I pitched in and helped her out.

My dad left the house around two to deal with something on the base. My
brothers and I just hung around the house and help clean up. By dinner, we
had the house and yard pretty much cleaned up and back to normal.

Just as we sat down to eat, my father got home. We all sat around the table
and ate dinner. Nothing got said about what had happened last night. We sat
there like a normal family talking about normal things. I can't speak for
the others, but for me, I enjoyed it.

By Thursday morning I couldn't wait to get back to school. I was past ready
to get back to some kind of normal life. I wanted to be with my friends and
talk about everything except politics. I just want to be a normal teen in
high school.

When I walked into the cafeteria, I couldn't escape students and teachers
coming up to congratulating me. Not me, my father. They want me to tell my
father how much they wanted him to be the Governor. I told each of them the
same thing; I will pass it on.

I think my friends knew I didn't want to talk about politics so they
politely changed the subject. Everyone caught me up on all the gossip that
happened at the school while I was gone. I enjoyed sitting here with my
friends once again.

Cesar joined us at the table. He sat on the edge next to Eric. As I looked
over to Cesar to say good morning, I saw Chris. I haven't seen him since
that day at the pool when Elizabeth attacked and embarrassed me in front of
the swim team.

He took a quick glance at the table and then went on his way. I didn't want
him to know I am looking at him. So I stopped looking all together. I need
to stay strong. I need to keep reminding myself he hurt me and broke my
heart. I can't ever give him that chance again no matter how much I might
want to at some point.

Most of the morning I played catch up. I couldn't believe I wasn't that
lost in class. At that point I started to think that the teachers are
already in holiday mode. In a couple of weeks we are going to start
studying for the semester exams. After that it is only a week till
Christmas vacation. Of course Thanksgiving is in there somewhere.

By the time lunch rolled around I had gotten myself back into the
groove. The teachers already gave me my entire make up homework. So far
none of them had exams while I was gone, that is good.

As I walked into the cafeteria after holding my tray, I couldn't help but
notice Chris looking at me. At one point I started to head over to him when
Eric pulled me over to the table. He didn't look to happy with me at that
moment.

"Josh, I can't see you go through the hurt again. You need to remember that
Chris hurt you, not the other way around. He left you without a reason
why. He didn't have your back when Elizabeth went into your practice and
humiliated you to all end.

Don't look at me that way Josh. You know I am right. Chris doesn't deserve
you. If he did, he wouldn't have done what he did."

"But Eric I can't stop thinking about him. Yeah at first it seemed easy to
get over him. The reason for that was that he wasn't here. I didn't have to
see him every day like now. I need to know why he did what he did Eric, I
really do!"

"Josh I understand that your heart is hurting once again. Look you are like
a brother to me; no, I am wrong, you ARE a brother to me. I love you Josh
and I don't want to see you get hurt anymore. Just let it be. Over time it
will get better. You will find someone else that will not do what he did to
you."

I looked at Eric knowing what he is saying is right. Chris left me without
saying why. I can't keep putting myself through this hell. I need to ignore
him no matter what. I need to find someone new.

Eric made sure I didn't look over the direction where Chris is
sitting. Even when we left the cafeteria, Eric walked on my right hand
side. He wants to make sure I can't look over where Chris is sitting. He
also had Cesar walk on the other side of me.

The rest of the day seemed to go slower than it did in the morning. During
Glee Club I picked up where I left off from last week. Mr. Edgar welcomed
me back by telling me how much he had missed me from the Club. I kind of
felt bad when the others heard him talk like that. I hope they know I am
not kissing Mr. Edgars butt!

Bernice met me after school as usual. We walked to my house talking about
school. I knew she wanted to talk about something else, but she stayed away
from the subject. I finally just asked her what she has on her mind.

"Come on Bernice just spit it out. Tell me what is on your mind."

"Josh I don't know if you have noticed, but the new guy seems to want to
jump your bones whenever he is around you."

"Who Cesar, no way, he is just nervous being around us."

"Yes Cesar and no he isn't nervous being around us. He is nervous being
around you. When he sat with us when you were not around, he was fine. Now
that you are back, the guy stutters and trips over every other word. Plus
he can't keep his eyes off you."

"Come on Bernice there is no way that hot guy is gay. No gay guy could be
that hot. Plus I can't be that lucky to have someone like him taking an
interest in me. I am no way a catch to anyone. Just look at my past for
example."

"Fuck your past Josh! Your past isn't your fault in any way. Chris is the
one that left you without reason. You guys didn't fight, you didn't cheat
on him, or he didn't cheat on you. He just decided to walk one day without
saying a word as to why. We are not going to speak of this again. I am
tired of hearing about Chris this and Chris that.

Also stop putting yourself down. Josh if I wasn't gay and you were not gay,
I would jump you as well. Of all your brothers, you are the cutest. And I
am not just saying that to make you happy. You are the cutest of all Lopez
men in your house."

"So what do you think I should do with Cesar? I don't even know if the guy
is gay. I don't want to overstep my bounds with him. You know..."

"Stop right there Josh and let me tell you what Eric and I found out. Cesar
told us up front that he is gay. He is out, but only to those who ask. He
doesn't act it or go around yelling from the top of his lungs that he is
gay. There's no flashing neon signs with this guy!

For that reason and that reason alone I think you two would be great
together. You both don't go around telling everyone that you're gay. You
both keep that to yourselves. You both act straight as hell, and most
important, you two are just right for one another."

I couldn't help but laugh from what Bernice said. I couldn't believe that
Cesar is actually gay. Just by looking at him you couldn't tell that he
is. There's another thing I like about him. He isn't involved in any sports
at school. I am done with that and I don't want to be with someone that
lives in that world.

Bernice and I hung out in my room doing homework. Brandon came in right as
we finished up. The three of us just sat there talking about the night
before last. It seemed that Bernice could remember more than me and
Brandon.

Our grandmother called us down for dinner. I asked Bernice to stay, but she
had to get home. Just as the words left her mouth, her father drove
up. Brandon and I walked Bernice out to her car. Her father told us to tell
our father congratulations on his victory the other night.

After agreeing to pass it on, he and Bernice drove off. The rest of the
evening was very quiet. All of us spent most of it in front of the
television. At first we wanted to see if they are still talking about the
election, and they were. After awhile it got old so we turned the channel.

When I woke the next morning I couldn't remember what day it was. That is
what I get for not going to school for almost a week. When you don't have
to know what day it is, you lose all track of time.

I made a promise to myself to find out more about Cesar today. I want to
talk with him more. If it is me that is holding things up with him, well
let me just say this; I will change that in a flash!

All through breakfast, Cesar and I ignored the others. We seemed to be in
our own little world talking. I couldn't believe what he had to say. What
surprised me the most is when he confirmed what Bernice said that all the
guys know that he is gay.

After breakfast, during first period, I couldn't stop thinking. I am
starting to want to make a go with Cesar. I just don't want him to be a
rebound from Chris. I can't go through the hurt of loosing another
boyfriend.

It could be an old wives' tale that is said about the next person a person
dates after a break up. You know the one about being a rebound. It never
works out with anyone. I think it is in the mind of the person not going in
already with a negative point of view. That will be the only way it will
work. No negative thinking at all.

By lunch I made up my mind to plunge in and try to make a go of it with
Cesar. Now the question is how I am going to let him know. I am not good at
it. Chris made the first move when we got together. You guys know the
letter he wrote me. I can't repeat that same thing.

As I sat there eating, Eric noticed I wasn't paying attention. He bumped
into me causing my arm to fall. In return my head hit the table. I looked
at Eric mad as hell. I couldn't believe he did that.

"What the fuck Eric? Why did you do that for?"

"You looked like you were in space. I didn't mean for you to hit your
head. I just wanted you to join the group. You know me Josh. I wouldn't do
that on purpose. I am sorry it happened, but not sorry for doing it."

I looked at him and then smiled. He is right on all counts. He didn't do it
on purpose, but everyone at the table still was laughing at it. I let them
have their fun at my expense. The more I yelled about it, the more it would
be worse for me.

I pulled Cesar away from the group when we walked outside. He looked
confused at first, but didn't put up a fight. We walked to the side of the
building where the buses pick up and leave the students. Most of the time
no one hangs out here and today is no different than any other day.

"Josh what is going on? If I over stepped some where or said something
please let me know. I will try and correct it."

I looked Cesar, this tall, blond, blue eye guy standing in front of me
shaking. He thinks he did something wrong and I am taking him out to the
wood shed for a spanking. He must have had some bad relationships or
friendships in the past to react like this.

"No Cesar you didn't do anything at all. I needed to talk with you in more
of a private setting; you know away from the group just for a few
minutes. Let me explain what I mean by all this. I really didn't mean to
make you think what you are thinking."

Cesar settled down a little as I spoke to him. In as many words as
possible, I think I was more afraid of what I am about to say or do. Then
he wants to know why I brought him back here.

"Cesar I don't know how to do this. I have never done this before in my
life. So forgive me for my bluntness. After my last relationship I didn't
think I would find someone, let alone this quickly. I know I am not
speaking out of turn. You told me where you stand as far as the sex you
like.

Look let me just say this straight out. When I first saw you I couldn't
think there would be a future; not because you are not cute or a great
person. Because, well, I am really screwing this up right now, aren't I?" I
said with a sheepish grin.

I started to blubber on and on to Cesar. Damn I am screwing this up. He is
going to think I am some kind of idiot or something like that. Here I am
going on and on, changing form one topic to another. Never completing any
of the thoughts I start.

"Please Cesar just understand I am new at this. Um, I, um, really don't
know how to do this. I didn't do it the last time. In fact by the time we
got together the last time. I had been looking after him for weeks,
um... Here I am going on and on like a fool."

Cesar smiled and his eyes sparkled and he said, "Look Josh, just settle
down, take a deep breath. Just relax a little is all you have to do. Trust
me when I say this Josh, I will say yes if it is the question I am hoping
you are trying to ask me."

I looked at him and just rubbed my right foot on my left lower leg. I just
can't stop shaking right now. I can't get my thoughts in order. I rehearsed
what I wanted to say all morning but here I am stumbling all over myself.

"Look Cesar I am just, um, well, um, just going to say it. You know, um,
throw it out there and see where it lands. Would you, um, you know, um, you
know, kind of, kind of want to go out with me some night?"

Cesar smiled and wrapped his arm around my neck. We are pretty much the
same height. He might be an inch taller than me. But as I looked into his
smiling, baby blue eyes, I couldn't stop thinking he is going to say `no'.

"Josh I have wanted to go with you since the first time I saw you. That was
the first day of school. Yes I will like to go out with you some night. In
fact I would like to go out with you either tonight or tomorrow night, if
possible."

I smiled at Cesar. I couldn't believe my luck! He said yes to going out
with this bumbling fool. I really hope I got someone that will stick around
for the long haul this time. But wait, we haven't even gone on our first
date. I shouldn't be thinking this way.

"I need to ask my father for permission, but I don't see why not. As soon
as I get home I will ask him."

"Sounds good to me Josh, but let me ask you.  Are those guys over there
going to go with us on our date?"

I looked where Cesar is pointing. I never noticed the car before. I started
to think and it came to me. I know have seen this car before. In fact I
have seen it several times before. Who in the hell are these guys sitting
in the car and why are they following me? They better not be reporters.

I looked over at Cesar. I felt bad that he is in the middle of all this. I
know he said he is out if anyone asks but still, I don't want to put him
out there for the entire State to know that he is gay. That is my life; not
his.

"I am so sorry Cesar for all this. Those guys could be reporters wanting to
take pictures of my father's kids. You know, sell them to the highest
bidder of those trash kind of news papers and magazines."

"Don't worry at all Josh. Look I asked around about you when I first saw
you. They all said your dad is high up there in the military. Now he is the
Governor Elect of Texas. I know what I am getting into, so don't worry."

I walked across the street where the car is parked. I knocked on the window
to find out what in the hell they are doing there. The entire time Cesar
walked right along with me. We are barely getting to know one another, but
here he is willing to put his neck out for me. That is showing me
something.

(CHRIS'S POINT OF VIEW)

I have been back here at El Paso High for now a week. Bernice came over the
weekend before I came back here and tried to speak with me. What did I do
when she tried to talk with me? I acted like an idiot like I did when I
stopped talking to Josh.

I freaked out when Elizabeth walked in at the pool that day. The funny
thing is everyone knows I am gay. Why then did I freak when Elizabeth did
what she did? Still, to this day I can't answer that question to myself. I
just acted like fool and hid.

Now seeing Josh back at school is making it worse. When I walked away, it
hurt like all hell. Still I am not over it right now. But I am the one that
did the leaving, and I kick myself in the ass for that everyday.

I see Eric, Bernice and the rest over there talking in the group I once was
a part of. I see Frank isn't there any more. At least he hasn't sat there
since I been back. I have seen him around school. Just not with Patrick and
the others. Also there is the other two empty spots around the table,
Josh's and mine.

Tuesday I sat at home with Juan and Nancy watching as the returns came
in. Then the announcement of Josh's dad winning the election came across
the air. I knew he was going to win. There wasn't any way he was going to
lose the election.

Shortly after the announcement I sat there with tears rolling down my face,
as I watched Josh and his family for another two hours. I watched every
second of it from them leaving their house, to the speech, and then Josh
and his brothers joining the newly elected Governor on stage. To make it
hurt even more, the cameras showed Josh with Eric and the others.

I went to bed that night crying myself to sleep like a little girl. I have
had many of these nights since I lost Josh. I am sure it is getting old for
Nancy and Juan. Still I miss Josh a lot and really want him back.

When Josh returned to school on Thursday my heart stopped when I saw him in
the cafeteria. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him as he walked over to his
table. He even looked back several times.

I never thought my heart could break even more then it was already. When
Eric made sure Josh sat by Cesar, it broke even more. I almost lost it
right there in the cafeteria. I asked around about the new guy at their
table. That is when not only I found out his name, but that he is gay to
add more to my self-inflicted misery.

It looks like Eric is trying to set Josh up with Cesar. I couldn't stand it
any longer so I left. I tried to stay away from the cafeteria, but
couldn't. I needed to go on there to eat.

On Friday it felt like Eric came up and stabbed me. As Josh made his way to
his table, it looked like he turned around to talk to me. But Eric stepped
in and stopped him halfway over. I don't know what he said. Whatever it was
did the trick. Eric got Josh to go back with him to the table.

I had to sit there and watch as they talked. Then Eric plays a joke on
Josh. He bumped into him, which made him lose balance. Josh being Josh, he
let it go. Soon after that they got up and left. Eric was walking one side
of him and that kid Cesar on the other side.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I got up from my table. Threw my trash, and
walked out to the stadium. I am going to go and confront Josh and tell him
I want him back. Tell him I fucked up and I will never do it again. All
through this I will get on my hands in knees if need be. All I care about
is getting Josh back.

When I made it outside to the stadium, I didn't see Josh anywhere. I saw
Eric, Bernice, Patrick, and Billy, but no Josh or no Cesar. I started to
freak out. If those two are off alone somewhere, I might be too late. Eric
might have been successful getting Josh and Cesar together.

I started to search for Josh in the normal spots. I pretty much know where
he might have taken Cesar if Josh was the one that chose to leave the
group. If it was Cesar, they could be anywhere in this large school.

Just when I was about to give up looking for Josh, I found Josh in the last
spot where I thought he would be. As I turned the corner of the building I
spotted him with Cesar. At first I couldn't make out what they were
doing. Then I noticed they were looking at a car across the street. It
confused me at first, but I wasn't going to stop now.

Just as Josh and Cesar started to make their way across the street, I
started to run towards Josh, yelling out for him. As I ran, tears started
rolling down my face. I really want this nightmare I created to be over one
way or another.

"JOSH, JOSH, JOSHHHHH, PLEASE WAIT, I WANT TO TALK WITH YOU. PLEASE JOSH, I
L..."


TO BE CONTINUED...

{Oh no! So much going on here! Let's put aside the election and the
excitement there. But it looks like Chris is back and wanting Josh back in
his life. Is it too late for Chris? The way he acted many people will not
give him a second thought. But we are talking about Josh. Remember he stuck
by Chris when he almost died. It looked then this was true love.

But there again there is a new guy in town, Cesar. Just as Josh starts to
move forward Chris wants him back. Josh just asked Cesar out moments before
Chris arrived. This is going to be something. What is Josh going to do
here? Chris wants to get back together. What is he yelling to Josh? It
looks like the "L" word.

Then there is Cesar to think about. He waited and never stepped in when
Josh and Chris were going out. This isn't his fault that Chris realized he
made a mistake. Why should Cesar's heart be broken because of the wobbling
mind of Chris?

Who are those guys sitting in a car across the street? Josh just realized
this isn't the first time he has seen this car. Call me chicken shit, but I
wouldn't walk across the street to find out. There are idiots out there
ready to do harm to people.

Josh's father just got elected Governor. Josh just can't go around walking
up to cars out there. Not only he is putting his life in danger, he is
putting Cesar and anyone else around him in danger when he pulls these
stunts. No Josh stay away from that car. Run man run for your life right
now.

So much going on right now you guys. The story is breaking open and you
can't miss a page of it. From Josh's dad about to be Governor all the way
to Josh's mom popping up when you don't think she would there's no end to
the excitement. Where are these guys going to live now that Josh's dad is
divorced? Remember they were going to live in El Paso if he got elected but
now the mother is now out of the picture. So much is going on right you
guys, so much!

I could stay here all day long, with all the open plots already in this
story, but I won't. I warn you though! Don't skip a chapter, or you will be
lost. There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Keep reading
the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how I am
doing at jacobmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}

EDITOR'S CORNER:

OMG...a double cliffhanger.  I think Jacob is addicted to them!.....and,
worse than just that, I don't have another chapter to edit! So, like you, I
have to WAIT!  DAMN!

So, I see you returned for the next chapter after my soap box speech about
today's politics. I'm glad I didn't scare you off!

Who's in the car? C'mon Josh, think!  Your father was just elected
Governor. You think your life is going to be "normal"? HA!  That's your
SECURITY DETAIL...and let me emphasize the "TAIL" part.  So much for
normal, everyday privacy now...

OK, it's hotter `n hell here in Dallas today. Since I have to wait to find
out what happens with the story, I'm getting NAKED and getting in the POOL!

Until next time...


"Daddy" Rick