Date: Wed, 27 Jul 2005 07:33:51 -0400
From: Vance Lister <vlista20@hotmail.com>
Subject: Shane
Chapter 13
The next weekend was the last weekend in July and Shane woke up
nervous on Sunday morning. He was nervous cause today he would see Brian
for the first time since he'd been kicked out of his father's house.
He kept admonishing himself knowing he shouldn't be nervous about
Brian. He had really liked Brian after a spell and imagined he actually
owed his life to him on more then one occasion. He went to the bathroom
and took a shower then returned to his room sat on his bed and pulled on
his socks. Shep was sitting near the bed staring at him. "I know boy. I
just gotta put my shoes on first." This was Shep's morning routine. As
soon as Shane finished dressing in the morning he started begging to go
out. Shane always dressed in a hurry. He imagined it must be
uncomfortable to not be able to go to the bathroom when you had to.
He threw on his shoes and ran down the stairs he raced Shep every
morning and every morning he lost. He opened the door and let him out but
instead of going out himself he closed the door back up and walked into the
kitchen hearing someone moving around in there.
The kitchen of this house was Shane's favorite room. It was dark blue
and white. The counters and floor were done in shiny blue tile. The
cupboards were white with blue trim. The windows which had a splendid view
out over the cliff to the ocean was framed in dark blue frilly curtains and
every decoration such as antique plates pots and pans that hung on the
white walls were shined up and a brilliant blue as well.
Tad looked up at him from the counter where he was molding out a pie
shell. "Good morning." he greeted Shane with a warm smile like he did
every morning.
Shane smiled back his good morning from Tad one of his most cherished
events of each day right up there with Don's good mornings.
"You want some help?"
"You gotta have breakfast first." He turned and pointed to the
cupboards. "I bought your favorite pop tarts at the store yesterday."
Shane walked over and pulled out the box of cinnamon and brown sugar
pop tarts also loving the fact Tad cared enough to find out what his
favorites were and made a point to buy them each time he went grocery
shopping. He opened the box then one of the foil packages and dropped two
tarts into the toaster. He pushed the button on the toaster down at the
same time he put the box away. Then pulled out a glass, went to the fridge
and filled it with milk.
He'd never gone to the fridge himself up until they got back from the
trip. Though he'd only been doing it for three days it no longer scared
him that he would get in trouble if he did it.
He stood opposite of Tad at the island counter and after taking a
drink of milk set his glass down on it. "What are you making?"
"Chocolate cream pie."
Shane's face lit up.
"You like that?" Tad asked grinning at his excited face.
Shane shrugged. "Don't know's if I ever had it. I like chocolate."
he held one hand out. "And pie." he held out the other then put them
together. "So I imagine I'll like chocolate pie."
Tad snickered and squeezed Shane's shoulder. He and Don had never
really talked about having kids not with any intent to do so anyways but
now that they had one they both loved it. Though the road had been rocky
at first Shane was rapidly becoming more confident which in turn made him a
lot more fun to be with. He still needed guidance and both Tad and Don
were glad of that because they loved giving it to him and loved it over
this past week when he'd actually come to them for advice on several
different issues. First one being the same day they got home as to what
his email address should be.
They gave him plenty of suggestions and after an hour of discussion
led mostly by Shane who they both imagined was the only person ever to put
so much thought into an email address, he had decided on vshep16 since he
joked so much about changing his last name to Shep's which he considered to
be Shepard.
"You nervous about seeing Brian?"
Shane nodded without hesitation then took another drink of milk. "You
spose that's normal?"
Tad nodded and looked back down at his pie. That question had become
very common like Shane was proving to himself in everything he said that he
was thinking normally like most people would think in his situations. Don
and Tad had talked to Larry about it and Larry had said it was a good
thing. That he was only measuring himself up against other people to see
how he stacked up. Once he was satisfied he was not the wierdo he'd always
thought he was he would stop.
"Were you here when they came before? When I was sleeping?"
Tad looked back up at him and nodded.
"Was his gram real nice?"
"Very nice. Brian seems to love her very much. I think he's very
happy living with her."
Shane nodded looking happy at this then walked over to the toaster
where his tarts had just popped up. He pulled a paper plate down from the
cupboard then latched onto one of the tarts. He pulled his hand away and
shook it behind him it being too hot to touch yet. He leaned over and blew
on the corner and Tad started laughing.
He straightened back up and turned and looked at him. "What?" He
asked smirking.
"You just look like such a queer when you do that." Tad chuckled
knowing he was really giving Shane a compliment cause he loved being called
a queer at least by Tad and Don. He did not imagine he would enjoy it if
it were any of the kids from back at his old school.
Shane laughed turned back around then continued to blow on the pop
tart. After eating he went out and checked on Shep who was rolling in the
grass his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Shane went back to the
kitchen and helped Tad cook all morning. They made macaroni salad, potato
salad, cut cucumbers and tomatoes. Marinated steaks and chicken and made
pitchers of lemonade, iced tea and iced coffee.
Shane went outside and set up the table behind the house about half
way between the cliff and the house while Tad cleaned up the Barbeque that
was just outside the kitchen door. They did not see the car pull up into
the driveway beside the house. Tad saw Brian walking up to Shane but Shane
was so involved in getting everything just so on the table he didn't see
him.
Brian smiled and waved at him then walked up beside Shane. "Scuse
me."
Shane jumped and turned to him. He smiled widely then pulled him into
his arms.
Brian wrapped his arms tightly around Shane. "I'm not sure who you
are really friendly guy but I'm looking for Shane."
Shane laughed and hugged him harder. "It's me I just got a lobotomy."
Brian chuckled and pulled away from him shaking his head while not
taking his eyes off Shane. "I wasn't talking about the way you act. It's
the way you look man. My god what a difference. You are hot." he put his
hand on his chest and grinned. "And I ain't even gay."
Shane put his hands up behind his head and flexed his muscles. "Must
be my new muscles." he said grinning. "What do you think?" he posed in the
mirror every morning now, something he never even dared to look in before
the trip. He was proud of his muscles there was no doubt in his mind about
it.
Brian chuckled then reached out and felt one. "You gonna go back to
Prescott high just long enough to beat everyone up?"
Shane chuckled too. "They'd have to knock me unconscious to get me to
ever go back to that hell hole." he put his arms down and smacked Brian on
the shoulder lightly. "I hear you are gonna be going to Cliff side too?"
"Sure am back to my old school. Back to the 21st century. You'll
love it there Shane the kids are so much different. So much nicer. I
think us straight kids are actually the minority there." He laughed then
shook his head. "I'm kidding but there are a lot of gay kids there. And
no one hates them just cause there gay. Everyone pretty much gets along."
Shane nodded and placed the last fork down on the table. "That's what
Seth keeps telling me." He noted a look of shock on Brian's face.
"Seth?" he sputtered. "Seth Greenway?"
Shane nodded.
"You are friends with Seth Greenway?"
Shane furrowed his brow not wanting to hear anything bad about Seth.
He loved Seth and didn't think he could bear any bad news about him.
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly just to get Brian to stop staring in the
dumbstruck way.
Brian smiled, shook his head then chuckled a disbelieving chuckle.
"Well of course Seth Greenway would say that Shane. He's the most popular
guy there. He's the star of the soccer team and don't even get me started
on his performance on the swim team."
"He's a jock?" Shane said swallowing hard.
"Well yeah," Brian saw his sudden nervousness and knew why. "But he's
not like the jocks at Prescott high. I mean with that body you had to know
he did sports." Brian laughed at himself again and sat down on the seat of
the picnic table. "And I really swear I'm not gay."
Shane chuckled and sat down beside him. "There's a swim team at your
school?"
"Oh yeah, swimming and diving."
Shane's eyes lit up though he wasn't sure he'd ever be brave enough to
try out he desperately wanted to join the diving team. He'd never actually
dived that had only been in his dreams. But he loved watching it on TV
every time the summer Olympics rolled around. "Do they have the high
dive?"
"Sure do. Our pool is awesome. I only go in it at gym time but it's
got all that fancy stuff. You gonna try out?"
Shane shrugged knowing he would call Aaron about this as soon as he
got the chance. If anyone could give him a little confidence it would be
Aaron. Don walked out of the house the screen door screeching as he opened
it. Behind him were who Shane figured had to be Brian's grandparents.
He stood up as the lady walked over to him. She wrapped her frail old
arms around him and squeezed him with much more strength then he would have
ever guessed a woman of her short stature could possess. "It's so nice to
finally meet you dear." She stepped back and held him at arms length. "My
you are a handsome one aren't you."
Shane felt his face grow hot at this person who didn't even know him
and was treating him so nice.
Don watched Shane edged with nervousness as to what his reaction to
this woman who was suddenly all over him would be. He breathed a little
easier when Shane smiled at her. Then sighed with relief when he told her
it was nice to meet her too. He shook hands with Brian's grandfather Ellis
who looked as old as Esther but not so frail he was much taller and still
had some good bulk to him.
Brian and Shane along with Shep took a walk down the beach and
returned just in time to eat. They ate nearly everything Tad and Shane had
made. Shane eating two and three helpings of everything. Esther commented
twice on what a healthy appetite he had which only spurred him on more
since he didn't need to feel embarrassed about being such a pig.
While the adults sat in the chairs over the cliff after dinner. Brian
and Shane played frisbee on the back lawn. Brian could hardly believe this
was the same Shane he'd lived with for two months. His looks were not the
only thing that had changed. His whole personality seemed more confident
and happy. They're game of frisbee turned to Monkey in the Middle when
Shep came back out of the woods from his pee and jumped up between them to
catch the frisbee each time it went back and forth.
Shane threw some lower ones so he'd reach them in between the ones he
purposely threw higher so he couldn't not that Shep didn't still try.
The sun was just starting to set out over the water when Shane hugged
Brian goodbye and their car left the driveway. Tad approached him and put
his arm over his shoulder. "That wasn't so bad was it?"
Shane looked up at him and smiled. "Not so bad at all. I'm almost
looking forward to starting school next month."
"Which reminds me I gotta go call Aaron." He started to take off but
was quickly pulled back by the neck of his shirt. He looked up at Tad
fearful at first then relaxed a little when he saw he was smiling.
"That Shrink is pretty useless isn't he?"
Shane sighed he had not said anything cause he thought Don and Tad
liked him. Shane still hated him with a passion and had still not confided
anything to him. "I just don't like him Tad. He may be a good shrink I
don't know. I'm just not comfortable talking to him." He looked at him
fearfully again not sure what Tad would say.
Tad smiled at him again. "Don't look at me like that Shane. I'm not
gonna get mad at you. You are the one that has to see him and if you don't
like him then you have every right to tell me so."
Shane took a step away from Tad just so he could get a better angle
for studying his face. He studied for about 30 seconds then averted his
eyes to the house. "I don't like him. I don't want to see him anymore."
he said it quietly and rubbed the back of his neck something both Tad and
Don realized he did when he was nervous about something.
"Okay, we'll find someone else."
Shane snapped his head back and looked back up at Tad. "Can't I not
see anyone. I don't like shrinks in general."
Tad put his hand on Shane's shoulder and started leading him inside.
"I'm sorry buddy. You've been through too damn much to deal with it all on
your own."
"But Aaron helps he gives me advice and stuff." Shane said as they
ascended the front steps.
"I know, and I'm glad you and Aaron are so close. But he is not a
therapist. You still need to see one. Just make sure this time if you
don't like them you tell us a little quicker. Give 'em at least a couple
sessions but after that if you still don't like whoever it is let us know."
Shane stopped just inside the front door and turned back to Tad who
was closing the door. "Are you mad at me cause I didn't say anything
before?"
Tad turned and put both his hands on Shane's shoulders. "We never
told you to tell us. We never asked you for your advice. How could you
have known? It's our fault as much as it is yours. We should have asked
and we should have known you wouldn't just come right out and tell us." he
led him over to the couch and they sat down across from Don who had set the
book he was reading down in his lap and was listening to their
conversation.
Tad looked over at him. "We are discussing the shrink situation."
Don nodded and looked at Shane who was now looking at him. "He's
right Shane we should have asked you. We are all, including you, new at
this family thing. We all have a lot to learn and we have to be patient
with each other. Tad and I have learned through this situation that we
need to ask your opinion on things. Especially when they affect you
directly."
He got up and walked over and sat down on the other side of Shane. He
put his hand on his thigh. "I like our little family, in fact I down right
love it. I love having you here and I love seeing you grow more every day.
But Tad and I aren't perfect and if you don't tell us when something is
bothering you we probably aren't always gonna know. You have to trust us
not to get mad at you when you give an opinion. Your opinions count just
as much as ours do."
Shane could almost feel his heart growing bigger. He couldn't
understand his luck at being able to live with these two wonderful guys but
was tired of questioning it and worrying he was going to be sent back home.
If it happened it happened but he didn't want to waste any more time on
worrying on it.
He looked down at Don's hand and put his hand on top of it. "I like
our little family too." He could feel his eyes burning with tears and knew
it was cause the word family had come out of his mouth.
Don smiled his own eyes burning and ran his hand down the side of
Shane's face. "People are gonna know you are not our real child though you
are too handsome."
Shane furrowed his brow totally confused then looked up and saw Don
was smirking. "So you know then that I couldn't be your real child
anyways." He said grinning along.
"Well I heard someplace that two men can't make a baby."
"Did you guys ever think on having kids? Before I came along?"
"We thought on it. Just didn't consider it something we really wanted
to do. When you came along we thought on it again and decided it was
something we really wanted to do. And so far we have not regretted our
decision in the slightest. Did you ever think of having parents before we
came along?"
Shane grinned. "I did. And other then the fact that I have two
fathers instead of a mother and a father I'd say this is pretty damn
close."
Don's tears fell in earnest and Shane blanched sure he'd said
something wrong. "I'm sorry," He said squeezing Don's hand. "I don't mind
really."
Don smiled through his tears let out a slow breath and shook his head.
"It's not that Shane. I'm just real pleased you called us father's just
now."
Shane's mouth hung open a little not really knowing what the big deal
was. He turned his head and looked at Tad who looked ready to cry himself.
"Well that's okay isn't it."
"Of course it's okay" Tad put his hand over on Shane's shoulder.
"It's a real honor actually. An honor we both feel blessed to be a part
of. Don's just a bit of a cry baby."
Don snorted. "Could you be serious for five minutes."
Tad grinned at him. "I've been serious for like ten now Don." he
squeezed Shane's shoulder. "I totally agree with everything Don has said.
We are both real happy with our decision."
Shane hugged Tad then he hugged Don. "I'm real glad with your
decision too."
Don looked at Tad over Shane's shoulder and smiled, Tad himself had
tears running down his face which he was quickly trying to wipe away.
It was a dreary and rainy mid August day which Shane was feeling was
very appropriate from the back seat of Don's car. He looked behind him
more then ahead wanting only for the car to be heading in the other
direction back home to Tad and Don's house rather then heading to Prescott
Cove.
He knew though that it was the last time he would ever have to go to
the town and had told himself hundreds of times over the last week that he
would survive this one day. He turned his upper body back around and sank
back against the seat. He watched the wipers squeak back and forth across
the front windshield but the quiet rhythm of them did nothing to calm his
fears. Today he would see his father. Today he would see Medusa. Today
he would have to tell all or they wouldn't be put in jail where they both
belonged.
He'd talked on the phone with Aaron for four hours the night before.
Aaron had told him as he had on many other occasion leading up to this week
that this was his time to pay them back. To make them pay for every
terrible thing they had ever done to him and if he let it slip by he would
regret for the rest of his life.
Aaron had told him to hold nothing back the more he told the more they
would pay. He knew that in doing this there would be things he'd have to
say that he'd told absolutely no one about yet. He prayed he would just
get to talk to the judge alone as the prosecution lawyer was trying for.
He let out a long slow and very shaky breath when Don pulled the car
into the courthouse parking lot. The courthouse was small and dilapidated
like everything else in Prescott Cove. He looked down the street just next
door where the post office was in the same building as the police station
and jail. All three places giving him the creeps as he thought back on the
change that had allowed him to be caught by Bart and the basketball team
plus his time in the jail cell which he actually remembered very little of.
He had not believed Don when he said he'd been there two days as to him it
had seemed more like five minutes before he woke up and found himself in
his own room and in his own bed at Don's house.
Don turned back to him and smiled assuredly. "You'll make it Shane.
You faced him for years. You can do it this one last time."
Shane nodded and tried to look confident despite his withering
insides. Seth and Matt had both wanted to come to give him moral support
but he did not want them hearing anything he had to say and had finally
swayed them. They both promised they would see him that night as Sam had
promised he would call.
Don, Tad and Shane got out of the car and walked into the courthouse.
Before them was a hallway with chairs lined up between the doors on both
sides. Shane smiled at Brian who was already sitting in one beside his
grandmother, his grand father sitting on the other side of her. He walked
over and sat down beside him then looked up at Tad. "Are we allowed to sit
together?"
"Sure," Tad said smiling as he sat down by him.
Esther leaned forward and smiled over at Shane. "You guys will get to
talk to the judge alone. The lawyer just came out and told us."
Shane leaned back in his chair and pressed the back of his head into
the wall he looked up at the ceiling and said a silent thank you figuring
if there were a God he needed to be thanked for this great deed. Tad
squeezed his thigh seeing his relief. Brian put his arm through Shane's
and laid his head down on his shoulder. Shane could tell he was as scared
as he was by the slight trembling of his arm.
He put his head down on Brian's and they sat there in their fear the
adults smiling sympathetically at each other over their pressed together
heads. They did not move until an hour later when Brian was called into
the courtroom. Shane jumped up and gave him a hug before he walked in and
Brian accepted it gratefully.
Brian was gone for well over an hour when he came back before Shane
could ask how it went he himself was called in. Brian squeezed his hand
and smiled the same reassuring smile Shane had given him. Shane followed a
man in an officer's uniform that he'd not seen before into the courtroom.
He saw his father sitting with another man he didn't know behind a
table and to his relief his father wasn't looking back at him. He was led
to a man holding out a bible and though Shane could almost feel his
father's eyes boring into the back of his neck he refused to turn around.
Refused to look at that ugly man's face unless he absolutely had to.
Once he was sworn in the judge stood from his bench and motioned for
Shane to follow him. Shane walked around the judges tall bench which was
incredibly fancy especially for being in Prescott Cove.
They walked through a dark wooden door. He waited just inside the
door while the judge closed it. The judge then put his hand on Shane's
shoulder and guided him over to a chair in front of a very large highly
polished desk. Way too fancy for Prescott Cove. He thought as he sat
down. The judge sat on the other side of the desk and Shane looked around
the rest of the room. The rug and the curtains were a perfect match of a
deep cranberry sort of color the walls and shelves were the same color wood
as his desk and all were highly polished.
He moved his eyes back to the desk which was stacked with files on
each side sort of framing the judge sitting there in the middle. A name
plate was facing him on the edge of the desk. The judges name was Horace
Metcalf. What a terrible name Horace.
"Well Shane. I imagine you must be feeling pretty nervous right now
so I think I should start by telling you there is nothing at all to be
afraid of. I realize you probably don't want to talk about what you have
to talk about today that's why I decided to talk to you in here. I thought
it would be easier for you then in front of a room full of people."
Shane nodded. "Yes sir, thank you."
"I'm also not gonna make you just tell me everything from beginning to
end. I'm gonna ask you some questions and I'd like you to answer them all
as in depth as you can."
Shane nodded again gripping the material of his pants tightly already
feeling himself breaking into a sweat despite the air conditioner that was
humming in the window beside the desk.
"Since we plan on doing both your father's and Mrs. Knowland's trials
today I'm gonna ask you questions about both of them now. First I'll start
with your dad okay?"
"Yes sir," he cleared his throat as he'd barely squeaked that out.
"I understand your grandmother raised you until you were five. Do you
have any memories of seeing your father while you were living with her?"
"No sir,"
"Did he call on the phone or send you anything in the mail?"
"Not that I remember but I don't really even remember living with
her."
The judge nodded and made a note on the yellow pad that was opened
below him on the desk with a few pages already flipped over. Shane thought
they must be the notes of what Brian had said.
"Do you remember when you moved into your father's house?"
"Sorta." Shane said thinking deeply. "I remember the police took me
over. Gram had died while I was at school. The police came and got me out
of school and took me to my dad's place."
"Did you understand your grandmother had died?"
"Well yeah but I didn't really know what died meant. I thought she'd
be along to pick me up." Shane looked over at the window and the air
conditioner he could see a spider web stretching up the window. He focused
on that and continued. "She didn't show up that day so I just kept
waiting. It wasn't til like years later I stopped looking for her."
"What do you mean looking for her?"
"Out the window. I was waiting for her car to pull in you know." he
glanced back at the judge then back over to the spider web.
"So your father never explained to you she wouldn't be coming?"
Shane let out a short and very bitter laugh his eyes narrowed and a
shot of hatred towards his father blazed through him. "He was the one that
told me to wait. Every time a car pulled in and I didn't happen to be at
the window he'd yell my gram was there and laugh his ass off when I went
running to the door."
"Did he make you wait by the window?"
"No, but he said if I wasn't ready when she came that she may leave
without me. So I kept my stuff packed and I waited. I know now it was
dumb but people believe in Santa Claus at that age so I guess me believing
my gram was gonna show up doesn't seem so bad."
The judge nodded and smiled kindly as he made more notes. "Back then,
when you were first there did your father hit you much?"
Shane nodded. "All the time."
"What sort of things did he hit you for?"
"Well if I didn't do something I was supposed to, like flush the
toilet or take out the trash. If I talked to him, if I didn't look at him
when he talked to me. If I cried."
"What sort of things did you usually cry about other then your father
hitting you?"
"My brother hit me too. I'd cry if he hit me and I cried when he
picked on me. He broke all my things that my gram had given me and wrecked
all my clothes. I think I cried for a week over that one." He smiled
shyly though the memory of Austin ripping his teddy bear apart limb from
limb while he made screaming sounds like the bear himself was screaming
made his heart ache.
"What were your father's punishments like?"
"There were all different kinds sir."
"Okay what was the punishment for crying over your wrecked things?"
"He tied me to the bed and hit me with his belt."
"Were you clothed?"
Shane shook his head not sure why that would matter much.
"How many times on average did he hit you with the belt when he used
that particular punishment?"
"Sometimes a dozen, sometimes so many I lost count over fifty." he
said with a small shrug.
The judge wiped his hand across his forehead and he could see that he
was sweating too. He looked from the web to the air conditioner wondering
if it were really working.
"How often did you get punished like that? On average?"
"Couple times a week usually."
"Name another way he used to punish you?"
"He'd just punch me or kick me. Depended on if I was standing up or
not really. Whichever way was easiest for him to do at the time. He used
to kick me out of the house at night, he used to make me clean the whole
house. He used to take me to work on the docks with him." Shane stopped
and took a deep breath. "He used to drive me out of town beat me up then
make me walk home. He used to not give me food. But that was only when I
was younger." He looked at the judge. "When I got older he never fed me at
all or allowed me to eat. He sometimes locked me in the closet, a few
times he beat on me with his tools, one time he chased me around the house
with the kitchen chair caught me too but I don't remember too much after
that."
"He beat you unconscious then?"
Shane nodded.
"Did that happen a lot?"
"Well quite a bit. More so when I was younger."
"Did he ever talk when he wasn't yelling?"
"Not to me. He was always real mad. He hated me I knew that real
early on."
"Did he say why?"
"Cause I killed my mom."
"You mean cause your mom died during child birth?" he asked cocking
his head to one side and studying Shane.
"Yes sir,"
"You don't think you really killed your mom do you son?"
"I know I didn't do it on purpose. But I still did it."
"You seeing a therapist son?"
Shane nodded and the judge luckily seemed satisfied with that.
"What sort of things would he yell at you?"
"That I was stupid, I was lazy, I was good for nothing, that he hated
me. That he'd kill me if he thought it would bring my mother back. I was
ugly, I was a sniveling coward. I was queer, that I'd never amount to
anything. That I ought to be God Damn lucky he took me in. Without him
I'd be in a gutter somewhere getting shit on by better people. That he
treated me good compared to how anyone else would who would have to put up
with me." Shane took a deep breath feeling himself on the verge of tears
now that he was feeling pretty confident that most of these things weren't
true it almost hurt more for reason he could not understand. A tear slid
down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He glanced at the judge and
his apologetic look did little to make him feel better.
"You want to take a break for a minute?"
Shane took another deep breath and shook his head just wanting to get
this over with.
"Did your father treat your brother the same way?"
"No, he wasn't all out nice to him either but he treated him a lot
better then he treated me."
"Did your father ever defend you against your brother?"
"No."
"Did your father ever see your brother picking on you?"
"Yes,"
"What did he do?"
"Joined in." Shane said almost able to taste the bitterness in his
voice. He had absolutely wanted to disappear all the times that his father
and brother ganged up on him.
"If you had the chance would you want to say anything to your father?"
"No sir,"
"So you would be happy never to see him again?"
"Very happy."
The judge sighed and stretched out his arms before turning over
another page in his yellow pad.
"Now let's move on to Mrs. Knowland. Describe the circumstances
around you first meeting her."
"I came home from school one day and she was just moved in. She asked
me if I was his son and I nodded. I was a little dumb struck and a little
pissed off. I had the place to myself three days a week and didn't want
anyone moving in and ruining that." He rubbed his sweat soaked hands along
his pants then grimaced seeing the long wet smear it created. "She told me
to clean up my clothes in my bedroom cause her son was in there." He
shrugged knowing that wasn't really what she said but could not remember
her exact words. "Or something to that effect."
The judge held up his pen and scrunched up his face. "Sorry I gotta go
back to your father for a minute I forgot a few things."
Shane nodded his heart sinking just a bit.
"Did you ever have a bed or any furniture growing up? After you moved
in with your father?"
"No,"
"And where did you sleep?"
"On the floor."
"You and your brother shared a room right?"
"Yes sir,"
"But he had a bed. And furniture right?"
Shane nodded.
"Did your father ever buy you clothes?"
"No, I wore my brothers old things."
"Okay," he flipped his page again then looked back up at Shane. "Was
Anna Knowland ever nice to you?"
"No sir, she was very rude right from the beginning. I was rude to
her too. She came in and starting making up all these rules. Like curfews
and telling someone where I was going. I know now that, that is the proper
thing to do but if I'd told my dad where I was going before he would have
just told me to shut up or something."
"Now suddenly she was there telling me exactly what I could and
couldn't do. I didn't follow her rules but I tried to stay out of her way.
She got my dad punishing me twice as much and was always trying to kiss me
and touch me where I wasn't comfortable being touched."
"You mean your genitals?"
Shane felt his face grow red and nodded keeping his eyes fixed on the
floor. "The more I kept trying to get away from her the harder she tried
the more she got my dad to punish me. I started staying away from the
house all the time but no matter what time I got home even if it was the
middle of night my dad would get up and beat me into oblivion I was passing
out all the time now. After about a month I just couldn't take it anymore
so I started following her rules."
"You mean doing sexual things with her?"
"No," Shane said adamantly. "I never did that willingly. She still
got real mad but didn't tell my dad every time so I wasn't getting hit as
badly as I was when I wasn't following any rules."
"Did she ever hit you?"
"She slapped me a lot. And used to put her cigarettes out on me. She
always had one in her hand."
"You said you never did it willingly, did she get her way anyways?"
Shane nodded and his tears started in again. "My dad used to tie me
down to hit me with his belt. She used to too but face up. She did
whatever she wanted I couldn't move. I couldn't even fight being tied up,
cause I'd stopped going to school and was eating very little. I had no
strength." He furiously wiped at his eyes and took several deep breaths
after a couple minutes of him composing himself the judge spoke again.
"Was she part of the reason you got kicked out of the house?"
"Well sort of. She wouldn't let me in the house when anyone else was
up. I had to stay outside and I had to stay on the property."
"Why was that?"
Shane closed his eyes and took a deep breath not wanting to tell this
man he was gay in fear it would ruin his case. But since it was a big part
of the reason he saw no other choice.
"My friend Sam had come by one day. We are more then friends." He
looked up at the judge cautiously but by the kind look on the man's face he
got the feeling he already knew this. "She said she knew what my problem
was now and didn't want me in the house. Didn't want me to disease her
kid. She made me stay outside and burned all my clothes. One night when I
was sitting on the porch my principal showed up. I guess that ticked my
dad off cause as soon as the principal left he came out of the house. He
beat me up and told me he was done with me. If he saw me again he would
call the police. That they would take care of me and I could rot in jail.
He told me I had an hour to get off his property."
"Why'd he give you an hour?"
"Cause I was hurt pretty bad cause of him kicking me and stuff. I
couldn't really move right then I guess he knew that."
"So since that night when you were kicked out have you seen your
father or Mrs. Knowland?"
"No sir,"
"They haven't tried to contact you in any way?"
"No,"
After leaving the judges chambers Shane walked back out in the hall
not looking at his father once and not even seeing his woman though she'd
been there in the front row of spectators glaring at him.
Shane waited in the hall with Brian while his grand parents then Tad
and Don were all called into the courtroom.
"How'd it go?" Brian asked once they were left alone.
"Good I think. How about you?"
"Good, that judge seems real nice. I don't know if they'll go to jail
but I'm pretty damn sure we aren't gonna have to live with them again."
"I say if we do, on that off chance we make a plan right now to just
run away." Shane put his hand on Brian's and squeezed it. "We'd be better
off on our own. Course don't think I've got experience there." he grinned.
"I didn't do to well last time I was on my own."
Brian smiled warmly. "Yeah but now you know how things should be.
You wouldn't do the same thing you did before."
Shane nodded. "I know, so we make a pact then?"
Brian pulled his hand out from under Shane's and they shook on
it. "Most definitely."
The courtroom door opened and Don waved them inside he stood between
them and pulled their head together in front of his mouth. "They are ready
to say the verdict for your dad. I thought you guys would want to hear it.
This afternoon we have to stay for your mom's trial Brian but Tad doesn't
you three can go out and come back at five."
They both nodded and Don led them over to the last row where Tad and
Brian's grandparents were already sitting. The judge came out said a lot
of things that made Shane want to jump up and hug him including the fact he
felt both boys were bright and level headed and should never have been
treated with the hate and cruelty they were subjected to by Roger Campbell.
He said the name Roger Campbell like it had venom dripping from it.
Almost the way Shane pictured it in his head. The jury announced their
verdicts guilty on all counts, 2 of child abuse, 2 of child neglect and 2
of child endangerment.
Shane reached out with both hands, took Don's hand in one and Brian's
hand in the other as the judge prepared to announce the sentencing. He
announced different sentences for each crime and Shane tried to do the math
in his head but before he got to the answer the judge announced his total.
"Fifteen years with no ability for parole. After which time when you
are released you are to have no contact with either Shane Campbell or Brian
Knowland. If either of them report any contact or harassment by you, you
will be returned to prison and another trial will be held."
Shane laid in bed that night feeling safer then he'd ever felt before.
He stroked Shep's head absentmindedly as he stared up at the ceiling. He
was never going to have to face his father again and couldn't think of any
better thing to happen.
Anna knowland whose name he now knew had been sentenced to ten years
with the same stipulations after her release that his father had gotten.
Brian was safe with his grandparents and he was safe with Tad and Don. He
could feel his old life burying away deeper and deeper and a new life
opening up before him. He wasn't the same person he'd been all those
years. He didn't feel like the person his father had told him for so long
he was.
His dream was coming true he had his dog and he had two parents. His
next big step would be school and it chilled him to the very core that he
would be the one to ruin his own dream. That he would himself not be able
to pull off making friends.
Chapter 14
Seth picked him up the next week on Wednesday part one of his plan was
to get decent clothes. Ones he knew would be in style if Seth helped him
pick them out. He'd only shot off his first hint on the phone when Seth
jumped at the chance. Shopping happened to be his forte, he had said.
Tad and Don had generously given him five hundred dollars telling him
he'd earned it over the summer with all the yard work he'd done. He'd done
the yard work to build up muscle and hadn't expected any pay but once
they'd refused him giving it back he'd taken it happily knowing immediately
he'd get himself some nice clothes with it. Which from Don and Tad's
reaction seemed to be just what they'd been hoping he'd do with it.
He also planned on getting Don a birthday present as he'd spotted on
the calender behind the kitchen door that the 21st of August which was just
a week away was circled in a heart with Don's name and birthday written in
the middle of it.
"So what high trend stores you got in cliff side anyways?" he said
grinning over at Seth as he put his seat belt on.
"CLIFF SIDE!" Seth said loudly like it was the funniest word he'd
heard in a while. "You don't get high trend in cliff side. No way boy we
are going to the top. Providence is the hot spot."
"Oh yeah?" Shane was grinning ear to ear. He loved Providence the few
times he'd gone there and was excited to get to go back.
"All the elite go there." Seth swung his hand out with a limp wrist as
he talked in this snotty accent. "The top fags of all fags."
Shane chuckled and nestled into the bucket seat of Seth's Pontiac
Grand Am. "So I heard you are quite the jock."
Seth looked over at him and smiled as he pulled out onto the road.
"You ain't gonna start hating me are you?"
"No don't think so." Shane said with another grin. "If you played
foot ball or basketball I couldn't be so sure but since you're not I think
we are safe. I also heard you were like Mr. Popularity."
"Where you getting all your info?" Seth asked looking even more
amused.
"Brian Knowland. Used to go there."
"Oh yeah," Seth's face lit up. "He seems nice. Kinda quiet though.
How do you know him?"
Shane knit his brow and tilted his head forward for a better look at
Seth's face. "Brian? You know the Brian that lived with my dad."
Seth's eyes widened. "Oh geez I never made the connection. Poor
Brian. No wonder he was quiet."
Shane nodded as he'd told Seth what Brian's mother had done to him all
his life. He'd told him that before he'd realized they knew each other or
would be going to the same school which reminded him. "Ahh don't say
anything to anyone will you? About what I told you about him."
"No don't worry. I wouldn't tell anyone." Seth smiled over at him
then reached over and squeezed his knee. "We gonna fuck today?"
"Well since you put it so invitingly." Shane giggled. "I guess that
would be nice."
Seth grinned and squeezed tighter. "Well I can't say it all romantic
that would be like cheating."
Shane laughed. "I think I need a hand book for this whole four way
relationship thing."
Seth laughed too. "You'll get the hang of it. Just think it like you
and I are real close best friends who satisfy each other while the other's
boyfriend is away. A best friend who goes above and beyond the call of
duty."
Shane chuckled and shook his head. "Okay, I think I can remember
that. You think your best friends at school are gonna be pissed another
best friend is suddenly there?"
"Hell no, I ain't got no best friends at school anyhow. They are all
just friends. None of them I would tell any secrets too not like I do you
and Sam. They are all good people and I like to party with them but when
you have best friends like you guys just others don't really compare."
Shane rubbed his hand down his stomach not really realizing before now
that Seth thought so much of him. They had, had a lot of fun over the
summer. Had laughed and cried together and gotten to know each other
inside and out, both literally and figuratively.
Seth reached up and pulled his Visor down as they got on the highway
and the sun was directly in front of them. "So 15 years huh? You gonna go
visit him and point and laugh."
"No," Shane chuckled again and shook his head. "I'm going to keep my
distance."
Seth looked over at him and smiled warmly. "Probably a good idea. I
know if I were in your shoes I'd never want to see the fucker again."
"Do you ever want to see your mom again?"
Seth's mom had left he and his father four years earlier, she left no
note gave no reasons and had not contacted them since. Seth said he didn't
care. Said she'd always been a real bitch and he was glad she was gone.
But Shane knew it hurt him that his mother just left like that. Something
he'd admitted to him only once yet even since the admission pretended he
didn't care.
"I don't think so," He said sighing. "Maybe just to ask her why but
then I'd turn her around kick her in the ass and send her on her way
again."
They rode in silence for a minute then Seth looked over at Shane his
eyes full of mischief. "You know my windows are tinted real dark. No one
can see in here." He moved his hand over his crotch and pulled down his
fly in one swift movement. He flipped out his cock and it lay limply over
the front of his pants even looking huge soft. "Just thought you'd want to
know." he let out a long exaggerated sigh and shrugged his shoulders while
he moved his hands up the steering wheel making space on his lap.
Shane sat there and looked at him knowing fully well what he was
getting at but wanting to see what he'd do next. He let out about three
more sighs before he started laughing. "Dammit would you just suck my
dink."
Shane started laughing too then undid his seatbelt and got to work.
Seth seeing a wide gap between Shane's waist band and his back caused by
his unusual position put his finger in his mouth and got it wet. While
Shane sucked his cock he fingered Shane's hole.
They both did a lot of moaning Shane's hand gripping spasmodically at
Seth's thigh once Seth added another finger to his insides. Seth trembled
and Shane swallowed grinning intently as it trickled down his throat. He
trembled himself then sat up quickly. Seth was pulled sideways his fingers
still deep in Shane's ass. Shane saw him leaning over curiously then
laughed and bent back over so Seth could pull out.
"Well anyways." He said sitting back up and pointing down to his
crotch. "Now look at me. I gotta go shopping with a wet spot on my pants."
Seth laughed so hard he banged his hand up and down on the steering
wheel. "Just point the vents that way." He reached out and adjusted one
while still chuckling. "We still got an hour."
With only fifteen minutes left forty five minutes later Shane undid
his seat belt again and lifted his butt off the seat holding himself up
with his arms and legs he put his crotch right in front of the vent. Seth
laughed at him and he told him to shut up though he was laughing himself.
By the time the car parked in front of a store window filled with
clothes he was dry and relaxed his position. He rubbed his arms that were
burning from holding the position so long. Seth gave him a long kiss then
they got out and went in the store.
Seth went through the store like a tour guide showing Shane what was
in and what was totally taboo. "Jeans are always good. But no tight ones.
It announces you as a fairy from a mile away. You don't want them too
loose either cause people will think your are a druggy skater type. Just a
little loose in the ass and thighs. So you can't see every detail."
Shane nodded and looked over the wall of jeans. "Should I get faded
or what?"
"Faded is good. All these are fine." he waved his arm across the
shelves. "Just no stone washed." he grinned at Shane. "Remember those?
Half white half dark blue all mixed together."
Shane shook his head never paying much attention to what people wore.
He picked out a pair of dark blue ones and a pair of faded ones. Seth
looked approving and he wandered off to the cargo pants.
"Definitely in." Seth said letting his wrist go limp again. "Always
in. And very handy really with all those pockets."
Shane chuckled while he picked out a pair of green ones and a pair of
tan ones. He looked at Seth again and Seth shook his head. "You don't
gotta keep checking for my approval I'll let you know you know if you do a
faux pas."
"A faux who?"
"Faux pas, means bad choice or big mistake." Seth shrugged. "Sumthin
like that. It's french."
"I don't gotta talk french to be cool at your school do I?"
Seth laughed and dragged him over to the shirts. "You just be you and
you'll be cool. The way you are with me, Matt and Sam. When you talk
you're fine, it's when you hide in corners that you may have a problem."
Shane blushed and Seth rubbed his arm. "But you don't gotta worry
about getting beat up there. So there's no need to hide in the corners."
"You won't tell anyone will you?" he asked looking up nervously.
"About what a loser I was before."
"Course not Shane. I don't think you were a loser anyways. It's
everyone else there that was a loser. Poor Matt." he clucked his tongue
and shook his head. "Still stuck in that god forsaken hell hole. But." He
held up his hands then smacked them down on his thighs. "It's only one
more year for him. He's made it this long he'll make it. Course without
Sam it will be harder but he was without Sam before too."
"How did you two ever meet?" Shane asked while looking through a whole
ton of shirts. He was very surprised this hadn't come up before he figured
he must have thought they'd always been together or something.
"Summer camp when we were ten."
Shane's eyes bugged out apparently not thinking they'd been together
forever ten, wow that was young.
Seth sort of laughed. "We weren't a couple way back then but we
instantly became best friends. The summer we were fourteen we decided it
was more. We snuck off in the woods every chance we got and proved that."
"How long did it take you to tell your dad?"
"First day I got home from camp. My dad has always been real great.
I knew I could tell him anything. He patted me on the back and said...."
He puffed out his chest and put a serious look on his face. "Well son if
you are sure that's what you are there's not much I can do. I'll be proud
of you no matter who you have sex with."
Totally confused Shane shook his head. "Proud of you for having sex?"
Seth laughed. "No, just proud of me all around. He was basically
saying it didn't change the way he felt about me."
"That's great." Shane couldn't imagine a father being so understanding
but was glad Seth had one anyhow.
"He is great. You know that though you've met him like twenty times."
"Well yeah but I didn't know he was that great."
They spent close to two hours in the store. Seth bought some clothes
of his own and Shane's clothes came to three hundred and seventy nine
dollars. He wasn't surprised, he'd bought everything he could possibly
need. Pants shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, shoes, socks, underpants a new
jacket and even a new back pack black like the one that had been stolen
from him only much nicer looking. Seth had cupped his hand over the side
of his face and pulled him close kissing his temple as he looked them over.
Shane had felt like crying as just picking out a back pack brought back a
bad memory. Seth had seen it and that's why he'd done what he'd done.
Shane knew he had a great friend in Seth and prayed he'd be able to hold
onto him.
Seth's trunk was nearly full when they pulled into Wal mart. He put
out a limp wrist again and smiled over at Shane. "Now the elite don't shop
here, so us, the smarter of the elites have to go incognito. As in way out
of town." he grinned. "But I ain't payin' ten bucks for a notebook when I
can get it here for seventy nine cents."
They got out of the car and walked into the store heading straight for
the school supplies. The row was crowded with other kids picking out pens,
pencils and notebooks but they managed to squeeze in.
Shane grabbed a few notebooks all yellow then started looking over the
three ring binders with all the fancy designs on them. He turned to Seth
when Seth started nudging his arm.
"Don't look now but do you know those girls over there?"
Shane turned his head despite the 'don't look now' part and saw two
girls staring back at him. They both stared at him sort with sort of
dumbstruck looks on their face and Shane turned back to Seth. "They went
to Prescott."
"Well it looks like you've rendered them speechless." Seth chuckled.
"Did you here me Shane."
Shane looked back at him and squinted his eyes. "What are you doing?"
he asked quietly.
"Making sure they know it's you." he said leaning closer. "Now their
eyes are even wider. One had their hand over their mouth the other's mouth
is hanging open.
Shane looked back at the girls again one smiled and waved
flirtatiously while the other one just looked at him with a funny look on
her face. Shane turned back to Seth put his hand on the back of his neck.
He pulled him close and planted a big fat kiss on his lips. Seth got right
into it and wrapped his arms around Shane. While keeping one eye open and
on the girls whose eyes were darting all over the place now as they tried
to hurry out of the aisle. Once they were out of sight he pulled away and
laughed. "It worked you scared them off."
Shane turned to the spot where they'd been standing and grinned
widely. He jumped a little as a couple other kids in the aisle started
clapping and smiling at them. One woman had her hand over daughters eyes
her daughter only looking about five years old.
His stomach flipped feeling real guilty suddenly for what he'd done
cause of the little girl. He smiled apologetically at the lady. "I'm
sorry ma'am."
The lady sort of rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand off her
daughter's face. She smiled kindly though which made Shane feel good that
he'd apologized. When the woman left the aisle Seth smacked his arm.
"Why in hell did you apologize to that lady?" He wasn't pissed just
real curious.
"Cause we were making out right here in the aisle and her little girl
could see us. I would have apologized if I were kissing a girl too. Kids
just shouldn't have to see that."
Seth smirked and shook his head. "You sound like an old man."
Shane laughed then looked back at the three ring binders. He picked
out a black one with a picture of a sunset on it then grabbed a pack of
pens and a pack of pencils. Seth grabbed his note books and supplies too
and they dumped them in their cart at the head of the aisle.
"Boy I never thought I'd be applauded for kissing a guy in public."
Seth who was pushing the cart looked absolutely giddy about it. "I'll
have to mark this occasion."
Shane turned back to him and smiled from the front of the cart. "What
should I get Don for his birthday?"
"Don't know man," He said shrugging. "You gotta decide that way it's
totally from you. You'll feel better about the gift."
Stepping out of the main stream of traffic Shane stopped to
think. Seth edged the cart over to the shelves and waited patiently. He
knew Shane would have no problems making friends at his school. Shane was
no doubt one sexy guy and knew it was not just him that felt that way. Now
that he had a body to go with his cute face and had clothes to accent his
new hot body he was gonna make the gay guys go crazy and the straight girls
swoon.
Shane held up a finger a huge smile on his face. "I got it!" He
grabbed onto the front of the cart and pulled it and Seth along behind him
to the electronics department. He walked straight over to the DVD's and
picked out two movies. Ones they'd rented over the summer and Don had said
he'd have to add those to his collection when they'd been done watching
each one.
They left the store after paying for their goods and went to
Friendly's for lunch. On the way home Seth pulled onto a dirt road then
out into a deserted field where they had a long session of sex. Shane did
not get dropped off til nearly eight o'clock. Seth helped him in with his
things then kissed him on the cheek and left.
Don and Tad who were sitting on the couch called him into the
livingroom. Shane thinking he was in trouble for being so late walked
cautiously around it. "We thought you might want to show us what you got.
For clothes." Don said smiling seeing from Shane's look that he thought he
was in trouble.
Shane's face lit up and he went out and got his bags. Leaving the bag
with the DVD's on the stairs, he tucked it in between two shirts that were
there of his clean laundry that Tad always stacked at the bottom of the
stairs so he could take it up to his room when he went.
Tad and Don both seemed to love his choices and he loved that they had
wanted to see them. After showing off his purchases he took everything to
his room and put it all away removing all the tags on the clothes and
hanging them up in his closet.
Once his things were put away he looked around his room. His room
that he absolutely loved. The floor here was hardwood as well but a light
blue rug covered most of it. His bed was tall with dark mahogany bed posts
and head board. The walls were white at the top and the dark wood at the
bottom and he had two windows that looked out over the front lawn.
He had a night stand desk and a bureau and another table with a stereo
on it. It looked like any normal kid's room. He'd added several blown up
pictures of his trip to the walls several of him and Sam together as well
as the whole group. Tad had given him frames which he said he had stacks
of down at his antique shop. He'd polished them all up to a high shine and
put the pictures all in. It had taken him a day and a half but the end
result was well worth it. It gave his room character and individualized it
as his.
He took a flying leap onto the bed and cuddled up with Shep. "We
really lucked out here boy did you know that."
Shep adjusted him self in Shane's arms and licked his face. Shane
figured that was him agreeing.
The morning of Don's birthday Don had to go to work. Prescott cove
started a week earlier then the school he would be going to.
Shane stood in the diningroom doorway while he filled his briefcase.
"You make sure and tell Mrs. Narchek I said hi and I'm really gonna miss
her." he said leaning against the door frame.
Don laughed and shook his head. "I thought you would have sent me off
with an enema as a welcome back present for her."
"Oh yeah that'd been a good idea."
He snapped his brief case closed and disappeared into the kitchen to
give Tad a kiss goodbye. He came back out a minute later and patted Shane
on the shoulder. "You have a good day."
Shane nodded and smiled then gave him a quick hug. He'd not been
without Don around hardly at all that summer and knew he was going to miss
him being home with him all the time. Still not daring to leave him
totally alone Tad had taken the week off to stay with him. He didn't feel
bad about not being trusted to be alone. He still had spells where he got
real pissed off and started hitting himself though they weren't so frequent
he knew if he were left alone if it happened he would not be able to stop
himself and didn't know how far it could go as he had so little control
over these episodes.
He watched Don pull out of the driveway and waved as he took off down
the road. "Get in here and eat your breakfast we've got work to do boy."
Tad's voice hollered out from the kitchen.
Shane walked through the diningroom and into the kitchen where his pop
tarts were already in a plate with a glass of milk standing behind it. He
pulled out a stool from under the island and sat down. "So tell me again
what we are gonna do tonight?"
"First we are going out to dinner." Tad put his elbows down on the
counter and leaned over. "Some fancy Schmancy place so you gotta wear your
best clothes. Then we are gonna come back here have cake and ice cream and
Don will open his presents. I picked something up for you to give him."
Shane dropped his pop tart. "Oh Tad, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you
I already got something."
"When did you get a chance to get anything?" he looked totally
confused he'd not told Shane til Sunday it was Don's birthday today and he
hadn't left the house since.
"When I went school shopping."
"How did you know?"
"It was on the back of the door." Shane turned his upper body and
pointed over at the door. "I just came across it one day. I wasn't
snooping."
Tad dropped his head down between his hands and sighed looking very
forward to the day Shane stopped thinking he was gonna get in trouble for
every little thing. He lifted his head back up and tousled Shane's hair.
"Well I've just got something extra to give him now." he said smiling.
Shane smiled back and picked his pop tart back up.
"You need a hair cut."
He nodded as he chewed. "I know." he said once he'd swallowed.
"Well then why in hell didn't you ask?"
Shane smiled a guilty smile and shrugged.
Tad shook his head then went over to the cupboard where he pulled out
all the ingredients they would need for the cake. Shep scratched at the
screen door and Shane jumped down off the stool and let him in. "I didn't
get any wrapping paper though. Do you have some?" he asked while getting
back up on the stool.
"Sure, what did you get him anyways?"
"DVD's. Fried Green Tomatoes and Spitfire Grill."
Tad nodded very impressed that Shane had remembered Don saying he
wanted those. "He's going to love that."
Shane smiled feeling warm all over while he snuck a piece of pop tart
down to Shep.
"You know if you give your food to the dog you aren't going to
maintain your weight that you've gained."
Shane's mouth dropped open he'd been sure Tad wasn't looking. "How in
hell did you know I did that?"
"Shep is a loud eater Shane." he turned and grinned. "And his food is
up in your room. Therefore he had to be eating something you had just
given him."
Shane chuckled. "Oops."
"So what do you want to do for your birthday. You get to choose
whatever you want around here."
Shane stopped mid chew. "Mine ain't for 5 months."
"So you'd better get thinking on it."
Shane shook his head and swallowed hard. "I don't celebrate my
birthday."
"But that was just cause you didn't know when it was." he leaned over
the counter again and studied Shane. "Wasn't it?"
"Well sorta but now I know and I still don't want to celebrate it."
Tad reached over and put his hand on Shane's. "Is it cause of your
mom?"
He took a deep breath as he nodded. "I just don't think it's right to
celebrated somethin' that killed someone."
Squeezing Shane's hand tighter Tad's heart flip flopped. "What if you
celebrated it on a different day? Not your birth just the fact you are
another year older. It's just not right to have no way to mark the
changing years."
Shane rubbed the back of his neck. "You could give me my birthday
spankings." he started chuckling then started outright laughing.
Tad shook his head and laughed along. "You miss those or somethin?"
Shane shook his head still laughing too hard to talk. He jumped down
off the stool and took his plate and glass to the sink. His laughter died
down and he helped Tad make the cake. "Well you gotta think on it Shane.
We gotta celebrate it somehow, what day and what you want to do will be up
to you."
After putting the cake in the oven they wrapped their presents in the
livingroom. Tad showed Shane the best way to do it after sensing he was
getting real frustrated with his many failed attempts. "Just take it slow
Shane. It takes a while to get good at it." His chin was quivering and
Tad knew he was on the verge of tears. Shane was his own worst critic and
he was harder on himself then anyone ever should be. When his failed
attempts at things didn't cause him to hurt himself they got him crying
instead.
Don and Tad had thanked their lucky stars when the tears started
coming out more then his violence. Larry though no longer Shane's
therapist now, had said at the time that was progress.
Shane only stared at the DVD's and the piles of crumpled paper around
him. Tad sat down on his butt next to him and put his arm over his
shoulder. Shane leaned into him and let his tears fall. He hated it when
he was so stupid and hated the crying that resulted but after a good cry he
was usually able to regroup and start over fresh.
Tad held him tightly tears like usual falling down his own face at
seeing Shane cry. Something he knew Shane had every right to do but he
still hated seeing it. Shep paced the floor whining obviously hating it as
much as Tad did.
Shane pulled out of Tad's arms about five minutes later and wiped at
his eyes. "I'm sorry Tad," He said shaking his head miserably. "I don't
mean to."
Tad rolled his eyes. "Don't apologize Shane. Geez, everyone cries."
"Not over every stupid little thing." he pushed the DVD across the
floor with his finger.
"You don't cry over every little thing. It's been like a week since
you last cried. And I like it a whole hell of a lot better then you
hurting yourself."
Shane snorted. "Yah cause then I still cried."
Tad grinned and gave him a quick tight squeeze. "You are doing just
fine Shane, you just need to stop being so hard on yourself. You just
expect so much of yourself no one could stack up to the expectations you
set for yourself."
"I just want to be like everyone else." he looked at Tad desperately.
"Why would that be so hard."
"Cause up until three months ago you didn't have the advantages
everyone else had. You were raised with no love and no guidance. You had
to learn everything on your own despite incredible cruelty being inflicted
on you every day. If everyone else were treated as badly as you were then
everyone else would probably not being acting as well as you are."
"What if when I go to school I have these crying fits? What if I do
make friends then have one and they all run away scared."
"Do you really think Seth would run away scared if you started
crying?"
Shane looked down at his hands and shook his head. He'd already cried
in front of Seth and he hadn't run away scared. He'd only held him in his
strong embrace til Shane felt better.
"Well then don't worry so about it. You are gonna give yourself an
ulcer with all your worrying."
Shane grinned shyly and nodded. "Okay," He sniffed up the last of his
crying snot and wiped his eyes one last time with the back of his hand. "I
guess I'm ready to try this again." he pulled the DVD's back to him and Tad
showed him just what to do. Though they in no way came out wrapped
perfectly it was far better then his other attempts so he stuck a big bow
in the center of it and held it up.
"I guess this'll do."
"I say it does just fine."
Dressed to the nine at seven o'clock sharp they walked into Chez
Monet's a large and as Tad said very fancy restaurant that over looked the
water dead in the center of Cliff side. Having reservations they were led
through the diningroom where soft music was playing, silverware clinked
together and soft voices muttered over tables. There was elevator music
playing low in the background and the large room full of tables was dimly
lit making the candles on each table stand out like stars on a night of a
full moon.
Shane had never been in a place so fancy and on the way to the table
kept looking down at himself in his beige pants white shirt and dark blue
suit coat hoping he measured up to his environment. He'd certainly never
dressed up so much but still wasn't sure it was enough.
The maitre de placed their menus around a table set for three that was
right beside a full length window that looked over the water about ten feet
below them where the waves were crashing over rocks. Don and Tad both sat
down and Shane was elated to sit in the seat with the best view out the
window.
He followed their lead and picked up a menu looking it over he saw it
was all in some other language. Maybe french he shrugged to himself then
lowered the menu. Don was smiling over at him. "You need me to
translate?"
Shane nodded shyly and Don went down the menu explaining what things
were. Being in a place so fancy and so out of his league he wanted to try
something new so he decided on scallops figuring since he was on the ocean
he should have seafood.
He accepted Don's offer to order for him having no idea how to
pronounce what he wanted. He pointed it out to Don, "Oh yeah I was
thinking of having that myself."
He smiled thinking it was good that he wanted something someone else
would want too. The waitress came with water glasses and took their order.
Shane was looking out the window the entire time as Don took care of his
order.
"Shane."
He jerked his head away from the window and looked over at Tad. The
waitress was now gone and they were alone again at the table. "Yeah?"
"That girl was checking you out." he said pointing to where the
waitress had been standing.
Shane immediately blushed. "Stop it." He shook his head like that may
shake the red out of his face.
"I'm not joking." Tad chuckled at his reaction.
"He's not." Don added. "She certainly was there's no doubt."
"It ain't my birthday you guys. You don't have to flatter me."
Don and Tad both laughed. "We aren't trying to flatter you. Watch
next time she comes back you'll see it."
She came back with their salads and rolls five minutes later. Shane
did notice her eyeing him and did not recognize her from Prescott so knew
that couldn't be why she was looking at him so funny.
Tad grinned at him when she walked off. "Do you see?"
"I seen her looking it don't mean she thinks I'm cute. Besides it
don't matter anyways I'm taken." He warm feeling flooded through him and a
warm smile filled his face thinking of Sam.
"Well I know that. I just wanted you to see that you do turn heads
now."
Shane reached out for a roll and set his mind to buttering it too
embarrassed to continue with this conversation. Tad smiled at Don and
shrugged while Don grinned back at him.
Shane had never tasted anything that tasted as good as his scallops he
instantly named them his new favorite food. After they left the restaurant
they drove back home and settled into the livingroom where Don's presents
were already set out on the coffee table. Shane sat on the floor with Shep
and watched Don open his presents smiling happily each time Don kissed Tad
in thanks for each new present he opened.
Not on purpose he opened Shane's present last. Shane almost started
crying when he realized he'd forgotten a card but held it in not wanting to
ruin Don's birthday with one of his crying fits.
Don loved the movies and thanked him repeatedly as soon as they ate
cake and cleaned up Shane retreated to his room to let his tears over the
forgotten card fall. He was curled up on the bed his suit coat over his
legs when Don walked in the room.
"What's the matter son?" He asked walking over to the bed. He sat
down in the space between Shane's knees and arms and looked at him
worriedly.
Shane turned his face up to look at him and wiped at his tears pissed
he was caught at crying. "It's nothing. I'm just real happy is all."
Don put his hand on Shane's arm and shook his head. "I can tell the
difference between your happy tears and your sad tears and these are
definitely sad tears."
Shane rolled his eyes wishing he could not be read so easily. "Did
you think I don't like my gift? Cause that would be just foolish. I love
my gift. Did you want a kiss too so's I could prove it to you?"
Shane chuckled and turned his face into the pillow while pulling his
knees up further and gently pressing them into Don's back. Don reached
behind him and squeezed his thigh. "Come on pucker up."
He rolled over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. "I just
felt bad cause I forgot to get you a card."
Don sighed and laid down beside him on the bed. He took Shane's hand,
holding it in his own he moved it over to his chest. "Why are you so hard
on yourself Shane? Why can't you see how good you are? Why do you always
focus on what you consider wrong and not pay any attention to all the good
things you do?"
"I don't do much good sir. Most kids my age are out working, or
winning awards, helping out people in the community by volunteering and
stuff. All I do is sit here. I've got nothing to show for myself and it
bugs me when I can't even get the little things right."
Don let out a slow breath squeezing Shane's hand tighter he turned his
head on the pillow and looked at him. This handsome young man that had
come so far and didn't even see his own greatness. One that had been told
too many times he was worthless and something to be ashamed of that had
taken every word to heart despite the fact they were totally false. Who
was trying so hard to prove to himself that he wasn't a reject of life that
he was torturing himself in the process.
He didn't know how to handle the situation both he and Tad had talked
to him til they were blue in the face and though Shane was doing a lot
better he seemed at this point to be at somewhat of a stand still in his
self perception. He hoped he would get over it but truth was he was already
doing better then most people expected of him and no one held any
guarantees on how much farther he would or could go.
He knew Shane had the potential to be whatever he wanted to be. The
only thing holding him back now was his self hatred. Something that had
been forced on him by the people that were so cruel to him his entire life.
"I found you a new therapist Shane. You're first appointment is Friday.
Tad needs to take you to the doctors that day too. You need to get your
physical and immunizations before school starts.
"Shawna?"
"You like her don't you?"
"Well I guess. She's already seen me naked so I don't want to go to
no one else. Whose this shrink?"
"Max Jefferson. He's about thirty, new to the profession and gay. I
thought someone younger may be better for you. Remember you gotta give him
two weeks then if you don't think it's gonna work out you gotta say so.
And don't say it just cause you don't want to see one cause I'm gonna keep
hauling you to different ones til you find one you like."
Shane rolled over on his side. He put his head up on Don's chest and
pulled their clasped hands up closer to his face. "I'm sorry I act this
way sir, I try to stop I just have a hard time."
Don bit down on his lip his chin quivering with emotion and put his
other hand up on Shane's head. "I have no problems with the way you act
Shane. The only problem I have his that you don't give yourself enough
credit. You don't see how special you are and that's still holding you
back. Your dad and all those kids you went to school with were so wrong
Shane. They didn't even know you, those kids at school judged you soley on
your clothes. And your dad just never gave you a chance. If any of them
had gotten to know you, like Sam, Seth and Matt have then they would have
been your friends too."
Shane turned his head on Don's chest and looked up at his face. "How
were all my dear friends back there?"
Don grinned as he brushed Shane's hair off his forehead. "Just as
snotty as ever. Those kids will probably never change. They are too
sheltered in their crappy little town to know how they are really supposed
to act. There's already some rumor going around about you making out with
some guy in Wal mart up in Providence."
Shane put his hand over his mouth and laughed. "That ain't no rumor
sir."
Don lifted his head from the pillow and studied him curiously. "You
and Seth?"
Shane nodded. "there were two girls there from Prescott. They were
staring at me. Seth pointed them out. It pissed me off that they were
staring so I planted a big ole kiss right on Seth. I wanted to see them
squirm."
Don grinned then chuckled. "Good for you. Good for Seth for going
along with it."
Shane smiled he was tempted to tell Don about the relationship he and
Seth had that it was more then just good friends but he knew it was not
something normally done. Though he wanted to be normal he also wanted to
be this close with Seth and it didn't matter if it made him abnormal he
just didn't want everyone knowing about it. He knew Sam was his number one
guy and prayed the two of them would be together forever.
Friday at noon just after they ate lunch Tad and Shane got in the SUV
and headed for town. "You think you could just tell Don I went to see this
therapist..." he paused and looked out the window. "And while you're at
it tell him I went to the doctor too. We could just go to the beach or
something instead."
Tad patted his knee and shook his head. "Sorry buddy. I'm not gonna
be the one to piss Don off."
Shane nodded and sorta grinned despite his fear of going to the
doctors that was only slightly less then his fear of seeing a new shrink.
The day before had been hard enough registering for classes at his new
school which was about five times the size of Prescott Cove high. This new
school had two levels and four separate hallways. He knew damn well he was
gonna be totally lost his first few weeks.
He'd signed up for all the required Junior classes which included
English, Algebra II, and U.S. Government and Phys Ed. Plus he got to
choose three other classes. The list had seemed endless and after much
thinking while Tad and the principal chatted away about other things he'd
decided on Art, Music and sign language. He was required to take a foreign
language and had thought he would take French after the episode at the
restaurant the week before but seeing sign language was available and
though not foreign it qualified he chose that without hesitation.
There'd been a deaf boy at Prescott high that was ignored by everyone.
Shane had always thought if he could just communicate with the kid that
maybe they could become friends. The kid being deaf could not have known
what rumors were always circling about Shane and he figured for many years
if he were ever to have a friend this deaf kid would be his best bet. He'd
never been able to communicate with the kid though, knew he couldn't and
never tried.
"Whatya thinkin' about?"
Shane turned back to Tad and smiled. "Just school."
"You nervous?"
Shane rolled his eyes. "Well yah."
Tad squeezed his knee and nodded already having it set in his mind to
tell the new therapist about Shane's fears about everything in hopes of
getting him on some anxiety medication. The other two therapists were old
fashioned hippy types and did not believe in the modern things such as
psychotropic medication. But Shane's fears often made him physically ill.
He'd heard him throwing up more then once in the night. He'd always been
fine before bed and was always fine the next morning. Tad and Don had both
decided he was lying in bed at night worrying so much on probably pretty
much everything that he made himself sick.
This was something new that had just started in the last few weeks but
the closer school got to starting the more frequently it was happening.
Shawna Deering who had not seen Shane since early June nearly fell
over when she walked into the exam room and saw him sitting on her table
with his gown on. She could not get over what a little much needed weight
had made such incredible difference in his appearance. His face had filled
out making his features blend together smoothly his face though she'd
always thought was very cute was now downright stunning. His arms were
well defined and she could easily make out the well defined muscles in his
biceps and forearms. Even his calves which were hanging over the side of
the table were now well defined and a good four inches thicker then the
last time she'd seen them.
She looked at his chart and saw he'd gained 30lbs since she'd last
checked on him at Tad and Don's house. "Well Shane." She said not able to
hide her amazement in her voice. "You certainly look a lot healthier how
do you feel?"
He looked at her nervously. "I feel fine."
She listened to his heart and checked his reflexes. She looked in his
eyes, nose and throat then felt around his neck chest and stomach.
Everything checked out fine. "Eating okay?" she knew that from looking at
him but it was a routine question.
"I eat all the time." He was looking more relieved now and she
guessed it was cause the exam was near it's end.
"Going to the bathroom okay?"
He blushed. "Yes ma'am."
"No aches or pains?"
"No,"
"Headaches or nausea?"
"I get headaches sometimes. Not bad ones though."
She walked over to an eye chart on the wall and had him read through
the lines. "You need glasses Shane." she was absolutely sure of this as
he'd only been able to get through three of the lines correctly.
"Oh no ma'am." Shane stated his voice full of panic that was rising in
him like a tidal wave. He couldn't wear glasses he just knew it. That as
well as his other flaws would certainly peg him a loser. "I just wasn't
concentrating enough before." He started reading through the lines again.
Shawna watched him already knowing the letters. He was guessing, she
knew that and he was guessing wrong.
"You won't need to wear them all the time Shane. Just for reading and
seeing the chalk board."
Shane shook his head tears burning down his cheeks.
She walked over and put her hand on his knee. "Honey it's okay, lots
of kids wear glasses."
He let out a sort of whimper and pushed her hand away. "You are
lying. You want me to have no friends." he jumped down off the table and
started furiously pulling on his clothes. "You are a bitch."
She approached him again and reached out to touch his arm. He drew it
back violently. "Stay the fuck away from me." in trying to get away from
her while pulling up his pants he stumbled crashing into a chair then
falling down on the floor.
"Shane honey just calm down." She reached out again and he slapped her
hand and pressed himself further into the corner.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" His tears still poured from his face she couldn't
tell if he was more pissed or more scared it seemed he was an equal mix of
both. Having a good idea her presence was only making his panic worse she
left the room and got Tad from the waiting room.
"You gotta go in there Tad, he's real out of it right now. He's
pissed and he's scared."
"What happened?"
"I told him he needed glasses. That got him crying. When I tried to
comfort him it set him off. I think he thinks I'm gonna mess with him."
Tad swore under his breath then hurried into the exam room where Shane
was kneeling on the floor trying to pull up his pants. He was shaking so
bad and crying so hard he was not having any luck. "Shane?"
His head shot up to Tad his face a pitiful mask of fear. Tad knelt
down in front of him and Shane melted into his arms sobbing uncontrollably.
Tad rubbed his head and back and soothed him with his voice. After several
minutes the sobbing ceased replaced with quiet crying and sniffling.
Tad reached down and eased up Shane's pants while Shane stayed pressed
into his chest.
"She's lying Tad. I don't need no glasses. She just hates me like
everyone else. She wants me to look like a fool."
"She doesn't hate you Shane. She's actually very fond of you. She
would never lie to you about something like that."
"She's just like the rest of them. She's a bitch and I hate her."
"The rest of who Shane?" Tad held him out at arms length and Shane's
head sagged towards the floor.
"Women." he shot out bitterly. "I hate women." His head shot up and
he glared over at Tad. "I hate them cause they hate me. I'm not wasting
any more of my time trying to be nice to them. They all hate me and that's
that. I don't give a fuck anymore."
"Put your shirt on Shane." Tad stood up having no idea how to deal
with this freshly surfaced problem. Shane stood and put on his shirt his
mannerisms and facial expressions conveying he was more pissed off then
anything right then. Once he was dressed Tad handed him the truck keys.
"You go out and wait there. I'll be out in a few minutes." He
straightened out Shane's hair which was standing up in a few places and
still badly needed to be cut.
Tad located Shawna. "How is he?"
"Not good. I'm glad we are going to the therapist next. He thinks
all women hate him and therefore he hates all women."
Shawna sighed and shook her head. "Well I guess that's to be
expected."
"I'll see about getting him glasses, or contacts."
"You need to Tad. His sight is real bad. No wonder he didn't get
good grades he couldn't see a damn thing."
When they got to Maxwell Jefferson's office Tad had Shane wait in the
waiting room who had not spoken a word since leaving the doctor's office.
He walked into Maxwell's office. Maxwell was a tall and lean man who
looked more like he was in his early twenties then on the crest of his
thirties. He stood up and shook his hand then nodded to a chair.
"I know Don already told you all about Shane on the phone. But we
just had an episode I thought you should know about too." He explained
what happened at the doctor's office while Max made notes.
"He hasn't had much contact with woman has he?"
"No, his mom died when he was born other then that it was just
teachers and the woman that moved in with his father."
"So the women he has had contact with haven't been nice in fact
between the woman his father moved in and a few teachers Don mentioned
they've made a point of being nasty to him."
Tad nodded. "I'm not saying he's not justified in his feelings. He
just can't go on feeling that way."
Max nodded too. "Well it's gonna take some time and he's gonna need
actual proof that's something that can't be proven by words from me."
Tad also explained to him about Shane's other anxieties, while Max
made more notes. "Don mentioned that to me too. I'll write out a
prescription for Paxil give him a few weeks on it and see if he improves at
all. If he does I'll make it an open ended prescription."
"Okay well I guess that's all the tattle tailing I have to do."
Max smiled. "I'll talk to him a while then I want to talk to the two
of you together okay?"
"Sure," Tad pointed over at the door. "You want me to just send him
in now?"
Max nodded and stood up he held the door open and smiled out at the
boy Tad walked over to. Tad said something and the boy looked over at him.
A very handsome boy Max thought despite the fact he looks scared to death.
Shane stood and walked to the door keeping his eyes averted from the
man who pointed over to the couch. Shane walked over and sat down perching
himself on the edge of it ready for a quick get away.
Max walked over to the couch and pulled a chair up to it. He stuck
out his hand. "My name is Max."
Shane leaned back a little further to make more space between them and
shook the man's hand. He certainly liked how the guy looked.
Max reached out a hand behind him and stretched over to the desk for
his note pad. He noticed Shane grimace as he saw it. "What's wrong?"
Shane shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Does it bother you when people make notes about what you talk about?"
Shane's eyes fluttered up he looked at the man for a moment and slowly
nodded his head.
"It's just so I don't forget something. Would it make you feel better
if you could read my notes when we are done here? After each session?"
Shane's heart twitched a bit like maybe one of the several elastics
holding it tightly in place had snapped. No one had offered him this
before no one seemed to care if he knew what was being written about him or
not. "You'd really let me do that?"
"I see no reason why not. I mean they are all about you, seems you
should have a right to read them don't you think?"
"Yes sir," he didn't want to admit it especially so soon but he
thought maybe he was going to like this one.
"Well why don't we start with how you feel about living with Tad and
Don, how things are going for you there."
"I really like living with them." Shane put his hands under his thighs
and pressed his thighs down on them to keep them from fidgeting. "And I
really like that my dog gets to live there too."
Max nodded having heard about the boys incredible relationship with
what was now his dog but Don had said it used to be a neighbor's dog.
"Tell me some things that you like about Tad."
Shane moved is head from side to side thinking. "Well I think he's
real funny. He treats me like a grown up and not some dumb kid. He cares
about my opinions even gets me food that I like to eat. And they include
me in their plans."
"And what are some things you like about Don?"
"He's real nice. He's a little stricter but I don't mind that. I
have no doubt that he cares about me." He looked at Max and cocked his
head. "You can just tell in the way he acts. You know?"
"Sure, there are lots of ways to show you care, you don't always have
to say it right out loud. Just like there are lots of ways to show you
don't give a shit without coming right out and saying it."
Looking a little shocked Shane chuckled his fondness for the man
growing.
"I hear your boyfriend is living up in Maine. That must be tough, not
being with him all the time."
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder." He said it before he thought
and now realized he sounded like a real geek but he'd only grown to love
Sam more through their long talks on the phone and long letters emailed
back and forth.
"For strong relationships it does. For people who fly by the seat of
their pants it doesn't always work out. Do you consider your relationship
strong?"
"Yes, Sam's different from most kids. He has a big heart he sees
beyond the surface of things. I have no doubt in his love for me and I
have no doubt in my love for him."
Max smiled. "That's a real wonderful thing isn't it? Love?"
Shane nodded looked directly at Max and smiled.
"Did you love anyone before Sam came along?"
"I had another boyfriend but I don't think I loved him, I loved being
with him but I don't think I actually loved him. I didn't know that at the
time, but I know I felt totally different about him then I feel about Sam."
"Did you ever love anyone else Shane? Like not in a boyfriend way?"
He shook his head sure he had pretty much hated everyone else growing
up. "I loved Shep."
"Your dog?"
Shane nodded.
"He watched out for you huh?" Max said smiling.
"Yes sir, he used to share his house with me. And we used to play a
lot. When kids chased me home from school when I was younger I'd run to
his house cause I knew he'd protect me from them."
"Did you get chased home a lot?"
"No not after I started going to Shep's."
"So you must have been a pretty fast runner to get there before anyone
caught up to you?"
"I just had more reason to run." Shane grinned and shook his head.
"You know like a mother who can lift a car off her kid, adrenaline, I guess
it's called. I was scared and it made me run faster."
"It must have been hard though to run home like that knowing what you
were running to was as bad as what you were running from."
Shane made fists under his thighs knowing the man had creatively
turned the conversation to his father. He had spoke to no shrink about his
father and was not ready to start now. He looked away from Max and over at
the clock.
"You not like to talk about your home before Shane?"
Shane lowered his eyes from the clock and focused on a spot on the
wall not giving any indication either way other then in his silence.
Max changed gears and talked about less painful things and Shane
rejoined the conversation. They talked for another half hour then Max
handed over his yellow pad.
Shane looked down at it and saw it was mostly just his answers to
questions. One sentence caught him though. Does not seem confident enough
to discuss his past. "Did you write that just to guilt me?" He asked
pointing the sentence out to Max.
"No I wrote it cause that's what I think."
"It ain't got nothing to do with confidence sir, it's my business and
no one else's. I'm sure you've already been told everything by Don, that
pisses me off cause like I said it's my business and I don't understand why
it is important you need to hear it all over again from me. Do you like
that shit? Do you go home and lay in bed think back on it and beat off?"
He was trying to hurt this man cause he felt hurt not to say he didn't
still like the man he just wanted him to know how it felt.
Max surprised him though he stayed calm did not even flinch. "Don or
your father could write out every little detail of what you lived through
for me but that doesn't help me to figure out how you feel about it. And
it certainly doesn't help me in my masturbation techniques." Shane raised
his eyebrows as Max grinned. "And I'm not just wanting to hear that it
pissed you off or made you sad. That to me is pretty obvious. It would be
even if I hadn't met you. I want to know how it affected you. How it made
you feel about yourself and how you think it affects you now."
"The way I can see that is to have you tell me things. Tell me what
happened and how you felt about it. It's the only way I'm going to get to
know you enough to be able to help you sort through your confusions and
fears."
Shane pulled his hands out from under his thighs and rubbed his hands
together. "Okay sir, I'll try harder. I'm sorry I said what I said." He
was totally thrown off by this man not getting mad at him and figured he
must not be a bad guy because of that. If he had to see a shrink and had
to make it work for him he thought maybe this was the best person to do
that with.
"Don't worry about what you said Shane. I'm not mad about it. If I'm
gonna sit here and make you talk about stuff you don't want to talk about I
don't expect you to never throw an insult my way. It's all part of the
process. When you do that it just lets me know you are human."
This pleased Shane even more. He smiled warmly at Max and nodded.
When Don got home that evening Shane was in his room with only two
days left before school started he wanted to get everything ready. Don
knocked on his door and Shane motioned him in since the door itself was
already open.
"Well what did you think?"
Shane turned from his desk where he was stuffing his notebooks into
his back pack and put his arm up on the back of the chair. "I think I like
him."
Don's face lit up though Tad had told him he'd thought Shane had, to
actually hear it from Shane's mouth was much more exciting. He sat down on
the edge of Shane's bed. "Tad seemed to like him too. Says he's not all
stodgy like most shrinks."
Shane nodded. "It felt kinda like I was just talking to a friend,
like maybe he wasn't a shrink at all. If I can pretend that maybe I'll be
able to talk to him about more then flowers and stuff." He grinned shyly
and moved his foot across the floor while studying it's movement.
"Didn't go so well with Shawna today though I hear."
Shane shook his head and gripped the back of the chair. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay Shane, we need to talk about it though. No matter how you
feel about her or about women in general the fact still remains that you
need glasses. If any of those useless teachers back at Prescott Cove had,
had any sense they would have seen that a long time ago."
"I don't want no glasses sir, I can see just fine."
"No you can't Shane. I've seen it myself I just never made the
connection. You always hold your books real close to your face, and your
headaches you get those cause your straining so much to see. Don't you
think it might be nice to be able to just see? Think of all you could be
missing."
Shane ran his foot along the carpet again pressing his toes in so he
could see five separate trails along the carpet.
"You won't have to wear them all the time. Just when you are actually
in class. And believe me you are not gonna be the only kid with glasses.
Remember John Moore? He wore glasses. And he's got tons of friends. It
didn't make him a loser."
"But I already am a loser. This will only make it harder for me to
try and not be a loser."
"You are not a loser Shane. No one but Seth and Brian know you at
this new school and they both really like you. You are starting out with
two friends already they will both introduce you to their friends then
you'll have more friends. Glasses will make no difference."
Shane put his hand up to his mouth pressing his knuckles against his
lips. "I'm not gonna have choice am I?"
"You don't have a choice in getting them Shane but I can't sit by you
in class and make sure you wear them. That's why I need to make you see
that they are not a bad thing. And make you see how much they will help
you. It's no wonder to me why you're grades weren't so good. God Shane
you couldn't even see. The fact you passed at all with all that you were
living with and not being able to see it quite miraculous to me. I cannot
imagine how well you could do now with the ability to actually see your
work."
The next morning Don gave Shane his prescription for glasses and wrote
out a check leaving the amount blank. "If you don't spend this on glasses
I'm gonna know." He said with a small grin as he handed it over. "And if
you don't I'm gonna make you buy those black thick ones that the real geeks
wear even tape them up in the middle and sit next to you in class and make
sure you wear them."
Shane grinned as he folded up the check and put it in his back pocket.
He was feeling a little better about the glasses and was real glad Seth had
offered to go with him to pick them out.
He was in the kitchen eating breakfast when Seth walked in. "Hey," He
said sitting on the bar stool by Shane. He looked around to make sure they
were alone then planted a kiss on Shane's cheek. Shane shivered as cool
trickles of arousal glanced through his body.
"So you got any diseases we should worry about?"
"No," Shane chortled out.
"You gonna send a copy of your medical report to that bitch who
thought you were diseased."
"Yeah but I'm gonna doctor it up. Say I do have some bad disease.
Get her to worrying you know." Shane had told Seth a couple weeks earlier
what the woman had done to him. He hadn't meant to it had slipped out but
Seth had been so great and so understanding he did not regret it for long
in fact he even told Sam. Sam had cried but not cause he was upset with
Shane. He assured Shane that he only felt real bad for him and Brian for
that matter. Though Shane did not really want anyone feeling bad for him
it was better then the reaction he'd braced for. The reaction where Sam
would get pissed at him for not doing more to stop it. He should have
known Sam wouldn't do that but couldn't help the way he felt.
He shoved his last bite of pop tart into his mouth and took the glass
of mostly gone milk and plate to the sink. At the sink he down the rest of
the milk burped then smacked his fist into his chest. "Scuse me." He said
looking wearily over at Seth who was only chuckling at his rudeness.
Don called them into the livingroom as they walked into the entry way.
"You can stay out all day if you want Shane. You don't have to come right
home. If you are gonna be later then nine though call just so we don't
worry."
Elated that someone may actually worry about him he nodded
enthusiastically. "Thanks Don."
"And don't forget my threat about the glasses."
Shane chuckled as he reached the door with Seth. "I won't."