Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2011 17:58:44 -0800 (PST)
From: K Davids <k.davids@ymail.com>
Subject: Some sense of security/In Search of Solid Ground Ch. 8 part 1

In Search of Solid Ground ch 8 part 1

This story is pure fiction and is not intended to imply
anything about the true sexuality of the reader. This story
contains sexual contact between two underage males, if this
is illegal to read where you live then please hit the back
button now!! Everything in this story is fictional, the
names and characters are created by me: they are not real;
I did not base them off people I know! Please do not copy
or paste this
anywhere else, but please feel free to email me
k.davids@ymail.com
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The Funeral-Part 1
-----------------------------------------------------------
heart of gold with a soul to match
I never thought anything could hold me back
I'm waiting, I'm always waiting
I packed my bags, and never looked back
I didn't know this would be the last I saw you
I never called you
~Hawthorne Heights~ BOY
-----------------------------------------------------------
Characters
Chasen: Age 16 - Main Character
Braiden: Age 16 - Chasen's boyfriend
Ian: nearly a year old-Braiden's son
Kevin: Chasen's Father
Caroline: Chasen's Step Mother
Ryan: Age 16 - Chasen's Brother
Kyle: Age 15 - Chasen's Brother
Lexie: Age 14 - Chasen's Sister
-----------------------------------------------------------

(Chasen's POV)

	I haven't slept in two days nor have I ate anything. I
can't... It's so hard to believe that I can't even bring
myself to utter that... he's really gone. Everything over
the last two days has been a blur.

	"Babe...you awake?" I hear Braiden ask.

	I just nod my head and fight back the tears that
threaten to spill from my sleep deprived eyes.

	"You need to try and sleep a little bit." He says
moving closer to me.

	"I can't." I mutter to him. I feel bad I haven't
spoken a full sentence since the day I found out, how can
I, it's as if no words will form. I have nothing to say,
nothing that will come out that isn't a pain.

	I hear him sigh, "Chasen then you need to eat
something.  Babe this isn't good."

	I just look at him; I don't know what he expects me to
say to him.

	I sit up and put my feet on the floor, my back facing
Braiden now as he is lying on my bed. I just look over to
my dresser, I just can't look him in the eye right now.

	I feel him move off the bed and he kneels in front of
me and puts his chin on my knee, "Babe...I have to go, I have
to go get Ian, and drop him off to my mom so I can go into
work.  I wished I could take you and Ryan to the airport."

	I just look at him, trying to fight back the tears,
"it's ok." I whisper.

	He moves and kisses my on the forehead, "Please let me
know when you land or something." He says with a pleading
look.

	I nod and kiss him on his cheek, "I will..."

	I watch him start to walk away, and I know he feels
bad.  It's not his fault, I hope he knows that, "Braiden!"

	"Yes?" he says turning around to look at me.

	"I am sorry..." I say looking at him.

	He comes back and leans over me and kisses me softly
on the lips, "none of this is your fault, I would be in the
same condition if I was put in your position, please babe
be careful."

	We hear someone clear their throat from the hallway,
it's Ryan. He is dressed in jeans and an aero shirt. "You
ready?" he asks looking at me.

	I bite my lip and look at Braiden and look back to
Ryan, "I guess ready as I ever will be."

	Braiden, bent down and kissed my forehead again and
ruffled my hair, "Text me soon ok." He said as he left the
room.

	Ryan walks in farther and sits beside me, "So you and
him really are together?"

	I just nod my head, "Let's go before I change my mind
about this whole situation." I say getting up off the bed
and reaching for my duffel bag that has my clothes in it,
including the black suit I had to wear for the funeral.

	I look back as I walk out of my room, I just really
don't want to face this yet. I know that things from this
moment on will not be the same. I don't want to actually go
and say goodbye, but Ryan is right if I don't I will regret
this.

	Ryan takes my bag from me as I slowly walk down the
stairs; I see Kyle and Lexie at the bottom of the stairs of
course with Dad and Caroline. I try to fake the smallest
smile but I can't even do that.

	"Can I hug you?" Kyle asks looking at me, afraid of
the answer.

	Even though I don't feel like being touched at all not
even from my dad, I do this, because it's the right thing
to do. I know if I deny this he would take it personally
and I don't think he can take rejection or I, the look of
pain that I would cause. I just slowly nod my head and he
moves over and hugs me.

	As Kyle is hugging me Lexie bursts out in tears, "I
hate this!" she moans out. She moves to me and wraps her
arms around my neck; I fight back the tears that are
threatening to spill over my eyelids.

	"I wished you didn't have to go through any of this."
Lexie says as she is hugging me.

	"Yall be careful!" I hear my dad say as he hugs Ryan
and then me. He steps back and looks at both of us, it
looks like he wants to cry but he's fighting it.

	"Let's go boys we need to get to the airport before
yall miss your flight." Caroline says sniffling.

	We started to walk to the car; the sun had barely
broken the dawn. Even the dew was still on the grass, and
the air still had that crisp cool chill to it still.
Goosebumps rose on my arm from the change of temperature.

	No one spoke on the way to the airport. It really
wasn't necessary, there was nothing that could be said to
get me out of this rut that I was slowly sinking in.

	I rest my head against the window, I am so tired my
eyes are screaming for me to close them, but I can't do
that though.  If I close them I know I will see Tanner, but
not my Tanner, it's a different one I see, a broken one.
The one that will be lying in a casket and I don't want to
see that one.

	I look at the buildings as they create a colorful blur
as we speed by them; I mentally curse myself for having my
thoughts turning to Tanner. I hate that I never got to say
goodbye, to hug him once more.

	I see Ryan look at me from the corner of my eye, I
feel horrible, Ryan has stepped up and hasn't left my side.
He has spent every minute with me since I found out that
Tanner died.  He has barely slept at all, he wasn't looking
his best but he hasn't complained at all.

	We pull into the airport, we asked Caroline not to
park the car, that it would just be easier if she dropped
us off, well Ryan suggested it. I think it was for more my
sake then anything. He knows how hard this is hitting me
lately and I just can't seem to take any more people
feeling sorry for me.

	Caroline helped us with our bags, and kisses both of
us on the cheek, "Now yall have your boarding passes, the
money, and your phones?"

	"Yes mom." Ryan says.

	"Yes..."I say and hug her again.

	She hugs me again and kisses me on the cheek one more
time, "Be safe boys." She tells us and gets back into the
car.

We watch her pull away and weave into the traffic. As
we watched her taillights go Ryan put his arm around
me.  "Well little bro let's get through security, and
I don't know about you but I need some sleep."
-----------------------------------------------------------

(Aaron's POV)

	I throw the shirt that I thought would look decent on
the floor, it just didn't fit right... today was a day that
felt wrong to me, I woke up crying still from the death of
Tanner. I still can't believe it. Not even the pain from my
mouth caused by the stupid braces can distract my
thoughts..

	I peer into my closet again...I have so much stuff in it
from both of my moms thinking that they could just buy my
love since they are never around to get it freely. I try to
calm myself down, but sadly it's not helping right now,
both the emotionally and physical pain are too much for me
to deal with.

	I have had to fight the urge to make myself throw up
the last few weeks, but the will has begun to weaken. I
stand looking in my closet and I just start to cry and I
fall onto the floor.

	I hear a knock at my door, I just feel like shit so I
don't even bother telling whoever it is to come in, but I
already know it's my mom. She opens the door and walks in.

	"Aaron, get up off the floor." She tells me as she
sits on the edge of my bed, "Come sit beside me." She says
patting the space next to her.

	I slowly move over to her, she looks at me with the
same colored eyes I have, greenish blue, I wish I could say
that they showed sympathy in them but I didn't really see
it in her eyes.  If it was there she didn't show it.

	"Aaron I know you are sad, Pam and I have talked about
this last night, you cannot let this get you down. I know
this is sounding inconsiderate but you have a really big
life changing things happening in the next few weeks and
you need to be focused on moving on with your life, you
have a script to memorize. This is just a little bump in
the road." She tells me looking at me.

	I feel my heart just crack right then and there, how
can she be more worried about this stupid movie when I just
lost someone who cared and loved me more than they do! I
just look back at her, "Yeah I know. Can you please close
my door on your way out, I need to find my suit for the
funeral tomorrow." I tell her with no emotion.

	"Ok, Aaron. Pam and I have a meeting in an hour, there
are leftovers in the fridge for you to eat." She tells me
getting up kissing my forehead.

	I watch her walk out of my room and I want to scream!
I hate her! How can she not show anything for me at this
point!  I walk into the bathroom. I don't want to do this
but I feel so sickened I lift the toilet seat up.

	I feel myself start to tremble, I take off my shirt
and look at myself I feel gross, I take my cell phone out,
I don't need to get it messy. I kneel down and this is how
it starts, I don't want to do this but I can't help it. I
force my finger into my mouth and down my throat, and I
feel the bile start to rise.

	I puke for what seems forever and I slump back against
the wall, I feel worse than before, I did it. I feel so
exhausted I pull my knees up to my chest and I start to
cry. I cry because I feel even more alone now when my
parents are here.

	I keep crying thinking about how I wished Tanner would
come in through the door and come sit by me and pull me
close and make me feel safe like he did so many nights
after Chasen left.  He was trying to help me stop this. He
had become my rock.

	I hear my cell phone go off, but I don't even care
about it. Even though I know its Troy, I don't even know
how he is handling this. Tanner was his actual brother not
mine and I am breaking down because of this.

	I hear my phone go off again, I crawl over to where I
placed it, and it's Troy like I knew it would be. I answer
it, "Hello." I squeak out not really trusting my voice,
because my throat is still burning.

	"Aaron are you ok?" Troy asks on the other line.

	"Yeah." I mumble.

	"Hey we are coming by to get you, I want you to go
with us to pick up Chasen and Ryan from the airport." He
tells me.

	"They're flying in?" I ask not believing this.

	"Yeah, they're coming down for the funeral and I guess
to be here with everyone." Troy says sounding better than
when I last talked to him.

	"Ok. I will be outside." I say kind of pissed off, no
one told me anything about them coming. I am happy but
really hurt that Chasen didn't tell me!

	I stagger against the wall, my head is hurting...I
have to calm down, I can't keep doing this to myself; I
fall to my knees and start to cough...

	I am coughing so hard it brings tears to my eyes, my
throat is raw and I pull my hair I am so frustrated! I
slowly stand back up and grab my discarded white t-shirt
and throw it on grabbing my phone and wallet, I slip on
some DC shoes and head down stairs.

	Of course my parents are already gone, I make sure I
have my key and lock the door. I sit on the edge of the
steps. I put my chin on my hands and wait, I don't know
what to even say to the Garrets when I see them...

	I guess I don't have long to think about it because
here they come pulling up in their SUV that they had just
got a few weeks ago, I walk up and open the door. Margaret
gives me a very small smile, and so does David. Troy has
bloodshot eyes. He knuckle bumps me and we set off to pick
up Chasen and Ryan.

	"Aaron, baby do you think you could get a hold of your
mother, and ask if the boys can stay at the house for the
night we just haven't had the time to prepare..." Margaret
asks.

	I said ok, and I quickly sent a text to my mother,
shortly explaining the situation, because I knew it would
be the only way to get a hold of either one of them...

	About five minutes later I received text saying yes,
the spare rooms are always ready, and not to wait up that
the meeting might be awhile...so I told Margaret it was a go.

(Chasen's POV)

	I felt a hand on my shoulder, and my eyes popped open.
It was just Ryan, "Hey man, we are landing." He said.

	I tried to wipe the sleep from my face, I managed to
sleep for a bit not that it was actually resting, I was in
between the conscious state and sleep state it was very
frustrating.

	"You ok? Did you get any sleep at all?" Ryan asks
looking over at me concerned.

	"Not really I was more resting my eyes I guess." I
tell him.

	My stomach churns due to the airplane and the altitude
change, I think I hate the landing part more than anything,
it is scary for me. I always fear that we will not land
right and run straight into the airport.

	"So is there anything specific you want to do while we
are here?" Ryan asks looking over at me as I try not to
hyperventilate.

	"Not helping Ry." I say cutting my eyes at him.

	He gives me a little smirk and laughs, "I wished you
could see your face it's kind of funny to me."

	I look over at him not smiling, "Really well wait till
you see your face after I hit it with my fist." I tell him.

	His smile fades instantly, and I can see how he is
moving to prepare if I do hit him. I start busting out
laughing, "Now who looks funny?"

	He smiles again, "You are such an ass."

	"Takes one to know one!" I tell him.

	"Touch‚...You know I think this is the first time I have
seen you smile in a while." Ryan says to me.

	"I guess it has been awhile huh?" I say looking back
out to the window.

	Ryan put his hand on my shoulder, "Dude I can't sit
here and act like I know what it feels like, because I
honestly don't.  But I am here for you, no matter what."

	"Thanks...you know I was pretty damn sure I wasn't going
to like you at all when I first met you." I tell him
smiling.

	He gives me that goofy grin, "What can I say I grew on
you."

	We hear the pilot come on and say that we have landed,
I look at Ryan with a confused look, "I didn't even notice
we landed."

	"Cause you were distracted, it's a good technique Dad
taught me when I was younger, I used to hate the landing
part of the plane ride, I would freak out." Ryan says as he
looks over.

	"Wait let me write this down you having a flaw?" I
joke with him.

	"Har-har, yes I have a few just no one knows them
much." He states.

	We sit and wait patiently as we are connected to the
airport, this is the most annoying part is trying to get
off the plane. I am glad we sat near the middle so it
didn't take us to long to get off, but I was really
irritated by the time I got off I hate being in cramped
spaces with a lot of people.

	I follow Ryan out of the plane and I don't know why he
even took the lead he doesn't even know where to go, but I
don't say anything.

	We make our way down the stairs towards the baggage
claim area.  "Dude how freaking big is this airport?" Ryan
asks.

	"Pretty big man, plus it's really easy to get turned
around in this place." I tell him.

      "Chasen! Over here!" I hear my name being called out.

	I look in the direction and I see Margaret, David,
Troy, and I think its Aaron. "Hey dude over here." I tell
Ryan.

	We start to make our way over to where they are
standing, weaving in and out of tons of people all going
the opposite direction it seems.

	We finally reach them, and Margaret gives me a big
hug.  It shocks me at first, but I return the hug. I see
David shaking hands with Ryan.

	I feel bad because they look really bad, David seems
like he has aged ten years and he has more gray in his hair
then when I last saw him. Margaret just didn't look healthy
at all, and Troy had bloodshot eyes, I am sure he has been
crying a lot I feel so bad for them.

	Aaron, was a different story he just looked sick, he
looked really thin and not the good thin, if there was such
a thing, he had really dark circles under his eyes. I made
sure to hug everyone, but as I went to hug Aaron he didn't
hug me back, he wouldn't even look me in the eye.

	"Well boys I am sure you have had a long flight, let's
get your bags and go grab a bite to eat. We can talk over
dinner." David announced.

	I looked over at Ryan and he nods in agreement and I
did as well, it didn't take long for our bags to cycle
through considering we wasted a few minutes saying hello
and all.

	It was weird Troy took right up with Ryan talking his
ear off, but Ryan didn't seem to mind at all. I guess he
knew how Troy was feeling. I couldn't even imagine losing
one of my brothers or my sister. David took my hand and
started to lead us out to the car.

	I tried to talk to Aaron but he wouldn't say much just
a bunch of shoulder shrugs and a short yes answers... When
we finally reached the car it took no time to store our
bags away and we all piled in the SUV.

	"So boys what are we hungry for?" Margaret asked. I
know she's trying to be cheerful even though this wasn't
really the situation to be cheerful in.

	"Chinese!" both Ryan and Troy shouted, and looked at
each other and started to laugh, I smiled as Ryan put his
arm around Troy in a brotherly hug.

	"I am down for whatever." I say nonchalantly.

	"I'm not hungry..." Aaron said very low.

	This cause me to look over at him in a sharp manner,
but he wasn't returning the look at me, I know what this
whole not eating thing was about and I was not going to let
that happen.

	"Aaron you know the rules you are going to eat, you
are too skinny!" Margaret says from the front seat.

	He just sinks lower into his seat I just give him a
glare and he looks away...I don't know what his deal is but I
cannot handle him right now, there is way too much going on
I still can't even believe I am here in Florida again.

	We pull up to the Chinese restaurant, it didn't take
us long to sit down and order our food. I ordered the
General's Chicken, it is one of my favorite things to eat.
There was an uncomfortable silence.

  	"Well I guess we need to go over a few things..." David
says looking up at each of us.

	Margaret looks sadden by the fast approaching
conversation, my breathe catches in my chest. I don't know
if I can handle this conversation right now.

	Ryan puts his hand on my arm, "just breathe man, this
needs to be talked about."

	David clears his throat, "Boys all of you, especially
you Chasen and Ryan would you both be pallbearers for
Tanner tomorrow?"

	Without hesitation Ryan piped up, "Yes sir. I will do
whatever you need me to."

	David and Margaret's eyes fell on me, I could feel the
sadness reach out from them, it gripped me like iron clad
shackles...I let out a low yes.

	Margaret grabs David's hand, "Thank you boys so much."

	I just give a small weak smile, I know this means a
lot to them, but I don't know if I can mentally do this, I
still think that any moment they will yell April fools and
Tanner will come out, but I know better than that its only
wishful thinking.

	We ate in silence there wasn't much to be discussed,
ok maybe there was. But I don't think anyone could handle
the seriousness right now. You could feel how tense
everyone was, you could practically cut the tension with a
knife and still not reach the source.

	I watched Aaron pick at his food and move it around
his plate, to make it look like he was eating his food; I
kicked him under the table and gave him a dirty look.

	He just looked up at me and cut his eyes; he looked
right back down and continued to nibble on his food. I
wasn't going to let this go, but Ry leaned close to me.

	"Dude I don't know what the deal is, but now is not
the time!" he whispers to me.

	"I know, I will explain later." I whisper back.

	I watched as David and Margaret ate, anyone could tell
that their thoughts weren't here at the table. I don't
blame them hell my thoughts aren't even here at the table.
I am glad that they aren't noticing the indifference
between me and Aaron right now.

	Margaret looks up, "Chasen honey we have arranged for
you and Ryan to stay at Aaron's for the night. I am so
sorry just we haven't had time to prepare your old
room...with everything going on."

	I give her a smile, "its fine, it's understandable, it
has been a rough week. We don't mind staying with Aaron."

	She gives me a soft smile, "Thank you dear..."

	"Well boys if you are ready I say let's go ahead and
head on out. We have a... a really big day ahead tomorrow."
David says picking up the bill.

	Aaron walked in front of me so I couldn't question him
at all, that was fine I was going to let it go for now but
it was severely pissing me off. I can't deal with him and
all this mess while I am here.

	The ride back to Aaron's house was full of
uncomfortable silence; the only thing you could hear is the
tires of the SUV on the road. I looked around and saw Troy
leaning on Ryan, I flashed a little smile to Ryan and he
let one slip back to me.

	It had to have affected Troy a lot losing Tanner, to
be able to cling to anyone most of all Ryan. Troy wasn't
the clingy type of person, that was mostly Aaron. I think
that is why they are best friends, they leaned on each
other, but I don't think either one of them thought they
would ever be faced with this situation.

	"Mom...Dad... Do you think if it's ok with Aaron, could I
possibly stay the night over there with everyone else? I
don't really want to be alone tonight." Troy asked from the
back seat.

	I watched as Margaret looked over at David, David gave
a nod to Margaret.  "Well honey that is up to Aaron." She
said.

	"Please Aaron?" Troy asked Aaron pleadingly.

	He nodded, "Yeah I think that would be better for us."

      It wasn't long and we pulled up to Aaron's house, I
forgot how big his house actually was. It was so long ago
that I remember being with Tanner, pulling up and first
meeting the skater kid that came out of that house with
this bright smile. Thinking of that memory made me look
over at Aaron and the last thing right now you would see on
him was a smile.

	All four of us boys, got out of the SUV, Ryan and I
fetched out our bags from the back of the vehicle. I made
my way to the driver side window. "Thanks so much." I tell
them meaning every word of it.

	"We are just happy you have come..." Margaret started to
say, but was getting choked up.

	"We will be over at seven in the morning to come pick
everyone up, the funeral is at eight." David said.

	"We will be ready." I told him.

	I started to walk away, but David grabbed my arm.  I
looked back at him and I saw tears in his eyes, "Son I am
glad you are here with us."

	I try not to cry, but I can't help feel the emotion
well up inside me like a hurricane, I just nod and head
inside to the huge house. With each step I take I try and
fight back the threatening tears that are about to spill
over.

	As I enter the house I realize it was just as I
expected it. Immaculate, it doesn't even look like anyone
lives in here.  I swear there isn't even a speck of dust in
sight not even on the high ceiling fans. The floors are
marble white with a bright shine to them. As I look around
I can understand why Aaron was so needy at times, it feels
like he lives in a museum, not a home.

	Ryan snaps me out of my trance, "hey man we are up
here Aaron has showed us what rooms we are staying in, I
believe you are right across from his, and mine is like one
room over."

	"Cool, so looks like Troy is clinging to you pretty
heavy tonight." I tell him.

	I see the emotions change in his face, "yeah I know,
man I can't even imagine how he feels right now. It kind of
makes me feel like a dick how I really don't pay attention
to Kyle at home. I just never make time for him, but seeing
him react with you also made me realize I am not being the
best brother to him." He tells me.

	I walk over to him and hug him, "Dude you realized it,
and admitted it. Just do something about it and I am sure
he will get over it man. Kyle is a lot like Troy in so many
ways."

	"Thanks man, that helps a lot. I thought I was
supposed to be the one comforting you these next few days,
not the other way around." He says giving me that damn
smirk.

	"Well big bro, it goes both ways" I tell him and give
him a smirk of my own.

	We both hear someone clear their throat and we turn
around, and it's Troy. "Umm...Ryan...can I ask you a question?"

	"Yeah little man what's up?" Ryan asks moving closer
to Troy.

	"Do you think...well...that maybe I could sleep with you
tonight?  I understand if you don't want me too...I know it
seems babyish." He stumbles off.

	I look at Ryan and it looks like he is going to cry,
He squats down so he is closer to eye level with Troy
considering there is a bigger height difference, Troy
hasn't yet hit his growth spurt, he isn't close to being
near the height that Tanner was.

	"Little man that is fine with me." He tells Troy
pulling him in for a hug, "It's perfectly ok Troy to miss
your brother, I don't know how you being this strong about
it all."

	I watch them interacting and it makes me a little sad
how much Troy is hurting, I can see it in his eyes, he
starts to cry as he is hugging Ryan. I watch as Ryan leads
him upstairs, "I think we are going to go hit the bed
Chase, it's going to be a long day tomorrow, I think you
should too." Ryan says leading Troy up stairs beckoning me
to follow.

	I know he is right and I slowly trudge up the steps as
well, we make it up the stairs into a long hallway I look
around and there is not one picture on the wall of Aaron or
either of his mothers, the lonely feeling sinks deeper into
my chest. Ryan points to my room and I nod, and walk into
the room.

	Just as I expected there was a nice bed, but nothing
that made it feel comfortable, it was like the room was
made for show.  I laid my bag on the floor I bent over and
unpacked my suit for tomorrow making sure there wasn't any
wrinkles, my gut drops as I see the suit and I know that
this is something that I am not ready for but it is going
to come no matter what.

	I sit on the bed looking around the room, I can't
stand to be in here alone, plus I really need to talk to
Aaron and see why the hell he is acting the way he is. I
slowly tip toe across the hall to his room and knock
lightly on the door.

	I knock a few more times and still no answer, I know
he is still up cause the light is shining brightly under
the door. I open the door slowly and I walk into the room
taking it all in.

	It was like entering a different house altogether, it
looked like a typical teen's room, clothes all over the
floor, posters of skaters on the wall, TV, X-box, stereo.
The whole works in the room. It makes me feel a little
better that his room was well... normal, but there is a
distinct sound that makes me sick all over again...the sound
of someone throwing up.

	I walk to the bathroom that was on the far side of the
room, I peer in not to be seen just yet, but what I do see
breaks my heart even more. Little Aaron is heaving his guts
out over the toilet. I see just how much everything has
taken a toll on him.  I can see how skinny he has gotten,
because he has his shirt off and he is in just his boxers.

	I watch him finish puking, he still has no clue I am
here.  I watch him shakily flush the toilet and grab his
stomach and start to cry, I can't help but make my presence
known. "I thought you were going to stop." I say in a
monotone voice.

	I know I scared him as he jumped looking up at me and
I can see how pale he was, "Get out!" he screams at me.

	I walk into the bathroom ignoring his protest, "NO!
Aaron you said you were going to stop this shit, but I see
you haven't even began to stop have you? What happens if
you tear your trachea up? You could do serious harm to
yourself or one day choke on your own blood!" I yell at
him.

	"You wouldn't understand! Tanner was helping me after
YOU LEFT! But he is gone now too! This is all your fault!
You're the reason TANNER IS DEAD! You had to run away like
everyone else in my life!" he yells out at me.

	The words he is saying don't even hurt, it pisses me
off though, I step closer to him, and he comes at me and
starts to hit me, he makes one good connection with my
ribs, but after that he grows weaker. As he tries to hit me
more, I grab his hands.

	"Stop Aaron now. Listen and you listen well. I had to
leave for my own sake whether or not that is selfish so be
it. I am glad Tanner was helping you stop this, but he is
gone! He isn't coming back, and how dare you even say that
I killed him. I didn't kill him it was someone who ran a
red light, drunk asshole was the one responsible." I tell
him forcing him to listen.

	He tries to yank away from me, "I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T
KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR ME LIVING HERE ALL ALONE! I LOVED
YOU LIKE A BIG BROTHER AND YOU LEFT ME, MY PARENTS DON'T
EVEN LOVE ME!  TANNER UNDERSTOOD ME, HE KNEW HOW IT WAS
BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM."


	I gripped harder on his wrist as he was still trying
to break hold of my grasp, "Aaron, don't you blame this on
me.  Tanner was just as guilty as me, yes I left. I had to
Aaron, to make sure that I moved on because if I would have
stayed, I would have either ended up killing myself or did
something that scares me more than the thought of death and
that is becoming just like my mother. No your parents
aren't here a lot, but they love you if not you wouldn't
have this huge house, no matter how lonely it is here or
all the things in your room. No they don't show the
affection but anyone could see they love you. I never had
that! Do you hear me, I was told everyday how I was hated
by my own mother. So stop being a brat Aaron, you aren't
the only one who is hurting. Take a look at Troy, he lost
his big brother, we all lost someone who we love and will
miss." I let go as he yanks away causing him to fall back
on his ass.

	I just look at him and storm out of the bathroom and
his room, I am making my way across the hall and I almost
run into Ryan, "Dude everything ok? I heard yelling yall
almost woke up Troy."

	I looked at him, "Yeah, everything is fine now. We
both just needed to get it out, well I did and I made him
hear what he needed to. Ryan not tomorrow but the next day
we are going to go see my mother." I tell him.

	I start to walk to the room but he grabs my arm,
"Chase, bro do you think that's a good idea?"

	I look back at him with intensity in my eyes, "I have
unsettled business with her Ry, she is still controlling me
even though she is in jail. It is time for me to start
living my life and break the chains that she placed on me."

	"I have your back no matter what." He tells me and
heads back to his room.

	I watch him close the door to his room, and I do the
same.  I strip the shirt and pants off and turn off the
light and crawl into the bed. I get under the covers and I
lay there looking at the ceiling.

	I am not even the least bit tired after the argument
that Aaron and I just had. I know I am not ready for
tomorrow, but this is something I cannot avoid. That's how
I know it's time to face my mother. It has to be done.

	I hear a soft knock on my door, "come in." I say
wondering if it's Ryan trying to make sure I am ok.

	I hear the door open, I don't look at who it is I am
still staring blankly at the pitch black ceiling, "I'm
sorry." I hear right by the side of my bed.

	"It's ok Aaron. You are upset and hurting, I
understand." I say monotone.

	"I really am sorry, you were right about everything
you said..." Aaron says between short breaths, I know he is
crying.

	I don't say anything, because I don't know what to say
to someone who admitted I was right.

	"Chasen..." I hear him whisper again.

	"Yeah, Aaron you can." I tell him lifting up the
covers.

	He slides in and cuddles up to me, I shiver a little
his body is colder than mine, I feel him hug me.  I put an
arm over him moving him closer to me.  "I am sorry...are you
ready for tomorrow." He asks me.

	"Not at all, but I know that it's time to face this,
this is something I can't run from. The day after tomorrow
I am going to face my mother." I tell him.

	"Are you scared?" he asks.

	"Yeah, I am terrified honestly, but I need to do this
Aaron.  To be free from her, that way I can finally be
happy and be able to live my life and love someone." I tell
him.

	I feel him move closer to me hugging me and he puts
his head on my chest.  "When I move to California I want to
live close to you, cause I miss you and I want to stop this
eating disorder." He says.

	I hug him tighter, "We will see what we can do, and we
will stop it together. Let's get some sleep we have a huge
day tomorrow..." I whisper to him and kiss him on the top of
his head.
-----------------------------------------------------------


	This is part 1 of chapter 8.  I am sorry for the delay
this chapter was just very emotional to write and I felt
like it shouldn't be rushed.  That is why I am breaking it
up to two parts.  The second part will include the funeral
and Chasen visiting his mother too face the demons in his
life.  I believe this is essential for Chasen to do this.
Please email letting me know your thoughts on the story.

Thanks

KD


Death changes us all, when we lose someone dear to us it's
like a hole opens up inside of us, swallowing all that is
good. We will all go through this eventually, Everybody
sadly has a time. Just remember that you're not alone in
life, that others walk beside you even if you don't see
them.

I hope that the change that falls onto Chase is for the
better, to grow stronger. It is always devastating to lose
someone, I just hope that it doesn't eat away at Chase. I
can't wait to see the funeral, KD has me on the edge of my
seat. All in all KD it was worth the wait just as much as
I'm sure part two is.

tY