Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 00:32:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jeff B <snshadow@yahoo.com>
Subject: Somewhere I belong Chapter 1

Legal Stuff: This story could contain theme's that aren't suitable for
younger audiences and does contain material which may offend others.  So if
your under 18 (or 21 in some area's) And find gay content offending please
don't read any further


"Somewhere I Belong"

Chapter One


	Alone is a perpetual feeling of lonliness that one sometimes never
seems to escape.  It numbs the senses and eats at the soul until there is
nothing left in an individual to build a foundation for trust and love for
anyone else.  Once alone, always alone..
	Derek walked home in the bitter chilling rain feeling very much
alone.  The thick drops pelted his clothes and hair soaking through that
chilled him to the bone.  Not that it mattered to him since at the moment
getting sick or worse would have been a greater relief than continuing what
he had thought was a pitiful existance to begin with. He silently stalked
along the puddles the heavy drizzle had created, splashing water into his
shoes, but it didn't mater much to him since he was pretty well soaked
anyway.
	He usually didn't care about the trivial things in life like wet
feet or the discomforts of being out in the rain.  Derek tended to look at
things on a much deeper level than anyone else which was the main cause of
why he was misunderstood.  Most teenagers his age carried on about sports
and fashion and the latest gossip of the week from the ones that made up
his junior class.  Derek despised it, and every other thing that made up
life.  He often wondered why he was even born to grow up in such a messed
up world.
	Being gay didn't help matters for him either.  Derek had known
about his sexual preferance from an early age although he didn't share that
little fact with anyone, mainly to the fact he didn't believe that anyone
could be his friend.  After observing life from what he thought of as an
observer's view he only found that friends really only ended up using you
in the end and always betrayed what little trust you put into them.
	His thoughts where interupted when a city bus passed by splashing
even more water on him.  He let out a scowl and a look of hatred for the
carelessness of others even though at times he was usually careless of
others as well.  Derek continued in his self induced agony, stumbling to
find his way through the dismal streets of a stormy afternoon.  People he
knew from school sped by and laughed at him in his soaked state, the voices
were like acid, laughter like knives that continued to stab into his heart
making him as cold on the inside as he was on the outside.
	Derek finally rounded the corner to where his house sat.  Modest by
most standards, his parents were both well off, which also ment that they
also worked alot which fed his feelings of lonliness. Well he was used to
it.  His parents just like everyone else only acknowledged his presence
only when necessary.  As he came to the front door and turned the lock with
his key the rain stopped.  Darek glared over his shoulder and muttered.
	"Figures."
	Stepping inside he took off his shoes and peeled off his socks
knowing that his mother would give him an earful if he traded water and mud
over the persian rugs that filled the house.  He picked up his shoes and
quickly made his way up the stairs, in search for the solitude that only
his bedroom could grant.  The only place on this earth where Derek felt
whole was his room. Here, he could bring down the temporary mask of anger
and truely be himself without prying eyes invading his privacy.  Derek
flung his back pack off his shoulder, which landed in a corner with a moist
thunk, not needing to worry about the contents just yet since at least that
was water proof on the inside.
	He shrugged off his drenched jacket and shook out some of the water
and laid it aside as he peeled off his shirt and threw it in an empty
laundry basket.  Empty basket.. It was full when he left this morning which
ment sometime during the day someone had invaded his solice to take the
laundry.  Derek eyed it carefully then scanned his eyes across the expance
looking for anything out of place but reluctantly, everything else was just
as he left it.  Another indulgance his parents enjoyed were hired house
cleaners that came and cleaned the place twice a week.  Why his parents
felt the urge to pay someone to do their own dirty work was something he
didn't understand, but he had an idea it was because they thought such
tasks where beneath them.
	After peeling off the rest of his clothes and throwing them in the
basket, and changing into a set of sweats he sat in his chair at his desk
and rested his head on his hands.  There he remained just silent, settling
the days trials behind him.  Derek pulled up his shirt and poked at a
bruise on his ribs that had been gifted to him a few days before by a group
of seniors who appearently needed a shot to their ego's.  It was still
tender to the touch which made him flinch a little.  He was glad it was
only bruised and not broken, it was something that he wouldn't really want
to explain to his parents because they would probably try to say the whole
affair was his fault.
	It had happened the year before when he was a sophmore, he had been
walking home as he always did when a roup of four surrounded him and
dragged him into an alleyway.  At first he was able to keep a solem face of
calm but when push came to shove his mask broke and the thugs took full
advantage of it.  He came home that night bruised and bleeding and the
first words out of his fathers mouth where not pleasent.  That experiance
caused his heart to ache, especially since his push over for a mother had
taken his father's side instead of attempting to keep what integrity she
had to fight for him.
	Derek looked down at the bruise again then allowed his shirt to
fall back down to his waist and rubbed his eyes before the memory caused
more pain than they where worth.  He stood up and walked over to the bay
window that took up a good part of his room and peered out.  The rain had
stopped and a break in the clouds allowed the sun to poke its rays through
interrupting the bleakness of the environment.  Outside younger children in
the neighborhood began to splash in the streets which depressed his mood
even further.  People continued on with their lives on the outside as he
shielded his on the inside.
	He moved away from the window and softly layed down on his bed
carefully nursing his chest and shut his eyes..
	A knock on his door a few hours later interupted his quiet slumber,
he opened his eyes enough to identify the source which happened to be his
mother.  She poked her head into his room and quickly glanced around as if
she was looking for something incriminating and when she saw all was well
she let out a smile.
	"Have you been sleeping all this time?"  His mom entered without
being asked and picked up his coat from the floor.
	"Derek, how many times have I told you not to leave wet things on
the floor, it just soaks through the carpet and causes mold.  Now we payed
good money for this carpet least you could do is take better care of it."
Her condecending voice made him stifle a sigh.
	"Yeah I know, and it wasn't on the floor when I laid down." He sat
up slowly not wanting to flinch and looked at her with mild displeasure in
his eyes.
	"Well if you would stop walking in the rain, or carry an
unmbrella." She set dumped the jacket into the basket without a second
thought as if it were an old rag.
	Derek didn't acknowledge her remark as much as he wanted too
instead he just played civil with the hopes of getting her to go away.
	"Anyway," she continued, "you need to get dressed we're going out
to dinner.  Your father has some news he needs to share and felt that it
was to big to be enjoyed at home."  She smiled and made way to his bed and
gave him a kiss on the cheek.  This reaked of a setup and he knew it, but
he couldn't think of anything off hand as to what the news was.  Whenever
his mother ever really showed effection it was usually because his parents
were about to do something that would turn his live upside down which right
now was the last thing that he really needed.
	"Why can't we just stay here, I don't feel like going anyplace
right now." Derek grumbled and flopped back down onto his pillows.
	"Well tough get dressed your father is on his way home and I expect
you to be ready before he pulls into the drive."  Her voice went from
condacending to forceful at the drop of a hat.  Derek pulled himself out of
bed and walked over to his closet as his mother finally granted his wish
and left his domain.  After a few minutes of plucking through the stuff
that his mother insisted was full of taste and very "smart" he found the
black dinner jacket and slacks his mother didn't really care for as much as
he did.
	Whatever this big news was he thought he may as well dress for the
occasion.  By the time his father's Mercedes pulled into the driveway Derek
was dressed for a formal funeral. But then again knowing his parents as he
did, this was most likely suitable for the situation.

    Derek heard a door slam downstairs which signified his fathers arrival
and heard a booming voice downstairs that confirmed the fact.  Derek's
father was a large stout man who never took no for an answer, always knew
when you were lying and kept his family only for liability's sake when out
in public.  In fact out in public was the only place his father really paid
attention to him.
	Derek reluctantly left his bedroom and slowly made his way down the
stairs where his parent's were waiting in the family room.  Why it was
called a family room he had no earthy idea.  It was never used for that
purpose, but leave it to his parents to give it a proper name but be damned
on what it was actually suppost to be used for.
	His father glanced at him once and nodded, most likely thinking,
'Well at least he's presentable.' His mother just shook her head.
	"Well lets get going." His mother said as she removed a pair of
white gloves from her purse.  The three of them headed out in silence and
climbed into the car and drove away.  The trip to the restraunt was mostly
dominated by his parents chatter with small comments made to him to check
to see if he was still breathing in the back.  Derek just gazed out at the
passing world and bserved as he always did.  Most things world wise he had
been sheltered from, so he only saw most of it from a distance which is how
he got his unique prospective on things.
	Finally they arrived, the restraunt was more "posh" than Derek
would have preferred.  The wood paneling alone must have cost some part of
the world a once thriving forest of its strongest trees.  The meal was
drab, you'd figure the amount his father was paying they could produce
something that didn't remind him of school food.  After dinner his parents
left him alone to dance for a bit, which he expected.  Sitting alone left
him alone to his own thoughts which where interrupted prematurely as his
parents came back to the table.
	"Now for the news, Derek your mother is aware of it already but we
thought that we would take you out for a special treat to share it with
you."  His father smiled at his mother who returned the smile a bit to
eagerly which made him a tad uncomfortable.
	"With the promotion I was awarded last week and the raise that
comes with it, me and your mother decided it would be best to send you off
to continue your education.  Lately your grades.. Have erm.. Well not
good. We both feel it is best if you continue without the distractions from
your current school."
	Derek's jaw dropped, blood flushed to his head as he attempted to
protest, to say something , anything but the words left him as something
else filled him, a rage, an ugly dragon ready to rip his parent's to
shreds.  His parent's toasted each other with champaign as if they had been
searching for a quiet place to dump their only child and finally succeeded.
	The rest of that evening Derek didn't quite remember.  He spent
most of it in a daze attempting to keep his mask up so he wouldn't show his
true feelings to his parents or anyone else.  He had learned that being
emotional had left him open for attack and it was something that he would
never allow.  The parts of what his parents had kindly informed him that
had retained in his memory for him to mull over as he laid in bed staring
at the wall, where the fact that he would be leaving almost immediately to
begin his new life as an outcast.
	As the night burned on if someone had actually been listening they
would have heard a soft sob, and if they had actually looked they would
have seen a single tear from someone.

TO BE CONTINUED...