Date: Tue, 6 Jan 2004 05:50:45 -0800 (PST)
From: Mike Wilson <billynkyle@yahoo.com>
Subject: Spring Break Cruise Part 2

Spring Break Cruise (2)

--SUNDAY: DAY TWO--

Despite the fact that I was totally exhausted, I actually had a hard time
getting to sleep Saturday night . . . er . . . I mean early Sunday morning
since I didn't get back to my room until 1 a.m. or so.  Part of it was
simply being in a different bed, on a ship, in the same room with my
parents and my sister.  But more importantly my mind didn't want to shut
down.

I kept thinking about Travis and what a cool guy he was.  I had totally
missed the boat (ha ha!) on my first assessment of him.  I mean, he sure
looked the part of your typical arrogant jock (no offense), but even in the
short time we had spent together, I realized he was a lot deeper than that.
I was really impressed by his honesty.  I mean, we had hardly known each
other for more than a few hours and already he was treating me like a close
friend.

Eventually, I was able to settle my brain down enough to get at least a few
hours of shut eye.  I don't know what time I woke up but by the time I had
my Mom was finishing up her morning routine.

"Hey sleepy head," she said.  "You were out late last night."

"Yeah," I mumbled half into my pillow.  "What time is it?"

"A little after eight," she replied.  "I was just about to head up to meet
Dad and Ruthie for breakfast if you're interested."

"Sure," I said, sitting up in bed.  "I guess I was pretty tired to have
slept through those guys getting ready this morning."

"Well, we all tried to be quiet for you," said Mom.  "Did you have fun last
night?"

"Um, yeah," I said.  "I really did, Mom.  I guess this might not be as bad
as I thought it was going to be."

"I'm certainly glad to hear that," Mom smiled at me.  "Why don't you get
dressed and we'll go upstairs."

"Sounds good to me."

The breakfast buffet was set up on one of the outside decks called the
Topsider.  We found Ruthie and Dad sitting with Aunt Sarah and her
family-her husband Michael and their twin sons, Matt and Mark who were
eight.  Uncle Pete and his family were at the table next to ours.
Everybody seemed surprised to see me.

"He lives!" said my Dad with a smile on his face as we sat down.  "Well
someone was certainly up rather late last night.  What time did you finally
roll into bed?  I don't think I even heard you."

"I dunno," I said stuffing my face with fresh fruit.  "One or so I guess."

"Did you have a good time?" asked my aunt.

"Yes," I said, trying not to sound perturbed.  I was still half asleep and
didn't much feel like being the center of attention right now.  "It was
actually O.K.  I met some other kids my age and we hung out for a little
while.  What did you guys do last night?"

"Well," said Aunt Sarah, "your mother and Aunt Beth and I had a wonderful
time catching up at one of the piano bars while your father and uncles all
headed up to the sports bar."

"We made flubber," said Ruthie excitedly.

"What?"  I asked laughing.

"Yeah," she said, "there's this awesome lab were we get to make stuff and
watch experiments and it was really neat.  We have really nice counselors."

I was glad to see her so excited.  I wanted Ruthie to have a good time and
it made me happy to see her so jazzed.  Even if it was just about flubber.

"Did you make any new friends last night?" asked my father with a sly grin.

"Yeah, Dad," I said.  "You were right.  I won't be moping around by myself
all day.  I'm not going to be bored.  There are other people my age here.
Anything else I was wrong about?"

"Now, now," he said laughing.  "I just wanted to make sure you were
enjoying your vacation."

"Well, I am," I said smiling.  "As a matter of fact, I sort of made plans
to go swimming this morning so if it's all right by you guys I'm gonna get
my suit on and head up to the pool."

"That's fine, Andy," said Mom.  "Dad and I are going to . . . well . . ."
she started laughing.  "I have no idea what we're going to do yet.  But
we'll probably be around here for lunch at noon or so if you want to join
us.  And remember our deal-your schedule is your own except for dinner.  So
if I don't see you before then, please be ready at 6.  It's formal tonight
so you'll need to wear your suit and tie."

I rolled my eyes and got up from the table.  I walked around behind my
mother and kissed her on the cheek.  "Don't worry, Mom," I said.  "I'll be
there."

I grabbed a banana off the buffet line and headed back to our room.  I
quickly changed into my swim suit and Tevas, grabbed some sun tan lotion
and a book and headed back upstairs to the deck.

By the time I got to the pool it was already starting to fill up.  There
were plenty of lounge chairs around but lots of people.  I tried to look
non-chalant as I made my way through the crowd looking for Travis or Susan
or Kristin.  After what Travis had said last night I was kind of nervous
that it would only be Kristin and me up here.  But after walking two laps
around the pool, I decided that I was the first one of our little gang to
arrive.

I found a relatively quiet area that had plenty of chairs and grabbed a
seat for myself.  I got settled and started reading.

Between the warmth of the sun and the comfy lounge chair, it took all of
about five minutes of me sitting there before I actually started dozing off
a bit.  I guess last night's sleep depravation was going to be an issue
after all.

"Hey hot stuff, wake up!" Travis said as he practically dived into the seat
next to me.  "How are you this fine morning?"

"You scared the crap out me, dude," I said recovering from his dramatic
entrance.  "I'm tired is how I am.  I didn't sleep well last night and then
my folks were up kind of early for breakfast and then I had to get up
here."

Travis laughed at my tale of woe.

"Awww," he said.  "Wittle Andy didn't get enough sweepy-weepy.  Poor baby."

"Shut up!" I was cracking up.

Just then, Kristin arrived looking like a model or something.  I guess I
didn't really remember it from last night but Kristin was . . . well, she
was hot.  Even I, who tended be kind of aloof when it comes to noticing
details about girls, even I knew she looked pretty amazing.

"Hello boys," said Kristin, setting her things down on the other side of
me.

"Well hello hello," said Travis, kicking my lounge chair subtly.  "How was
the rest of your night last night?"

"Oh fine," said Kristin.  "My parents stayed up for me, so it was probably
a good thing I left The Stack when I did.  It's like they thought I was
going to prom or something.  Parents," she sighed.  "How late did you guys
stay out last night?"

"Um . . . not much later than you," said Travis vaguely.  "We talked for a
while and then called it quits."

Kristin took off her swim robe to reveal, well . . . practically
everything.  She was wearing a pretty skimpy two-piece bathing suit that
left very little to the imagination.  She started applying sun screen to
her arms and legs as we made small talk about our folks and their plans for
the day.

"Would you mind, Andy?" Kristin said, handing her sunscreen over to me as
she turned her back to me.  Travis once again kicked the side of my chair,
a little more noticeably this time.

"Ah . . . no.  Um . . . not at all." I gulped, starting to smooth the
lotion into her already perfectly tanned back.  I was tempted to ask her if
she had been fake-n-baking but I wasn't sure if that was rude or not, and
besides, I didn't want to give her the wrong impression.

"Thanks Andy," said Kristin as I handed the suntan lotion back to her.
"You have really soft hands."

"You're welcome," I mumbled.

"Well," said Travis loudly standing up.  "I think I'm going to head into
the pool.  Anyone up for a dip?"  As he was talking he started unbuttoning
his bright, tropical shirt.  Like Kristin, Travis looked damn good.  The
highlights in his hair looked awesome in the sun.  He, too, was already
well tanned, although I was pretty sure his tan came from the San Diego sun
and not a tanning booth.  As his shirt came off I noticed he had a line of
hair on his stomach that went up from his orange, Old Navy swim trunks and
faded away just above his belly button.  I couldn't help but stare at him
as he took his shirt off.

Sitting between these two models, I was pretty much ready to wrap myself in
a brown polyester suit and hide out below decks for the next seven days.
But I thought a swim might wake me up and besides, I already felt like I
needed to talk to Travis alone after Kristin practically threw her naked
body at me.  (OK, so maybe that's a tiny exaggeration.)

"I'm in," I said getting out of my chair and quickly peeling off my t-shirt
to reveal a far less tan, far less perfect example of the human form.

"I think I'll hang out here for Susan," said Kristin looking us both up and
down like two sides of beef hanging in the window.  "You guys have fun."

Travis immediately headed over to the far end of the pool, opposite where
we were sitting.  He jumped in and I followed.  Like most public pools, it
was kind of hard to do any actual swimming, but we sort of frolicked around
for a little bit splashing one another and doing hand stands and stuff.
After a few minutes Travis swam over to the side of the pool and in one
graceful moved pulled himself up so he could sit on the edge.  I hoisted
myself up next to him.

"Would you mind, Andy," he said in a fakey falsetto voice.  "She's got it
bad for you man, I told ya."

"Yeah, yeah," I said.  "You were right.  But now what am I supposed to do?
I mean I don't want to hurt her or anything but I don't want the whole week
to be like flirty and awkward either."  I was actually a little panicked by
this situation.

"I still don't get why you wouldn't want to go out with her," said Travis.
"I mean, I don't wanna pressure you or anything.  But she is really pretty
and really into you."

"I know, it's just . . ." I faded off.  I was trying to find the right
words to explain what I was feeling to Travis.  "It's just that . . . well,
when I was putting the sun tan lotion on her?  A few minutes ago?"

"Yeah?" said Travis.

"Well, I didn't really feeling anything," I said.  "You know, it's like I
could have been basting a turkey or something.

Travis started cracking up.

"I'm serious, dude," I said, laughing a little myself.  "I mean here I was
doing what most guys at my school would give their left nut to do and there
wasn't anything.  No spark, no electricity, no Mr. Happy Pants."

Travis was in full scale hysterics by this point.  I was still chuckling
myself.

"Thanks for sharing," said Travis still laughing.  "Well, for what it's
worth.  I can totally relate.  Kristin doesn't do anything for me either.
In fact there's only one person in our little group who does."

And with that he immediately stood up, still wearing a big smile on his
face as he headed back to our lounge chairs.

I sat in the pool for a moment and tried to figure out what I thought
Travis just said.  If there was only one person in our group whom he was
interested in, it would have to be Susan.  But that didn't make any sense
at all.  They barely spoke to one another last night.  Susan just didn't
seem to be even in the same league as Travis.  I guess it was possible,
what with her clever wit and all.  Still, I was having a hard time
picturing Travis going after Susan.

I got out of the pool and tried to put Travis' mind game behind me as I
joined the rest of the group.  Susan had finally arrived.  She and Kristin
were going through the Navigator--the schedule of daily activities on
board--to figure out what was going on today.  I sat in my lounge chair
still completely confused by Travis' comment a few minutes ago.  I started
applying some sun screen of my own to my arms and legs.

"Here, let me help you," Travis said almost immediately after I started.
He grabbed the bottle and began rubbing the lotion into my back.  Kristin
looked up at the two of us and I could swear I saw her eyes glare at Travis
through her sun glasses.

Meanwhile, Travis's hands were slowly sliding up and down my skin.  He slid
over my back with long, firm strokes.  He worked the lotion into my
shoulders and the back of my neck almost like he was giving me a massage.
And, well, if I hadn't felt anything while putting this stuff on Kristin, I
was sure as heck feeling something now.  Definite spark.  Definite
electricity.  Holy shit!  Definite Mr. Happy Pants.

"Thanks man," I said, trying to sound totally cool as I tried to think of
anything other than the incredible feel of his hands on my back.  I stayed
seated for a little while as I was, um, unable to lie back down right away.
Eventually, things had settled a bit and I leaned back in the chair.

My eyes must have been as big as saucers behind my sunglasses.  What was
going on?  Why did Travis' hand on my back get me all excited?  And why
didn't I feel anything close to that while I was touching Kristin?

The rest of the morning was pretty much a blur for me.  We all sort of
rotated in and out of the pool, cooling off when the sun go to be too hot
and laying out, talking to one another the rest of the time.  I tried to
put some of the earlier weirdness behind me, although it was kind of hard
since it seemed like every time I turned around, either Kristin was
flirting with me or Travis would say something totally bizarre.

Eventually we decided it was time for lunch, which, like all of our meals
so far, was awesome.  There was a huge spread out and all of it tasted
great.  We grabbed a table for ourselves and relaxed for a while, enjoying
the outdoor setting and the gorgeous weather.  I tell ya, I could get used
this.

After reviewing the days activities, the girls had decided that they wanted
to go to a Yoga class that afternoon.  Travis and I looked at each other
and just started cracking up.  Travis put both his hands on the table with
his thumbs and middle fingers touching.  He closed his eyes.

"Yooooooo gaaaaaaaa," he said in a deep, meditative voice.  Even the girls
were laughing now.

"Shut up," said Susan still laughing.  "You don't even know what you're
talking about.  It can be a really intense workout."

"I'm sure it is," said Travis.  "Sitting in a trance can really wear you
out."  We were all giggling.

"Whatever," said Kristin looking at her watch.  "Well, we need to get
going.  By the way, they're doing karaoke at 10:30 in The Stack tonight.
Susan and I totally want to do it.  Are you guys in?"

"Umm . . ." I said looking at Travis, hoping he'd figure out a reason why
we couldn't join them.  Karaoke seemed pretty high on my list of
Lame-Things-People-Do-On-A-Cruise.

"Oh definitely," Travis said excitedly.  "We'll be there!"

The girls got up and waved goodbye as they headed off to their yoga class.

"You dipshit," I said punching him in the arm.  "Karaoke?  Karaoke!  How
lame is that?  I can't believe you agreed to do that."

"I'm sorry man," said Travis laughing.  "I had no idea you were
anti-karaoke.  Don't worry.  You'll have fun, I promise.  It's really not
as bad as it sounds."

"Have you ever done it before?" I asked.

"Sure," said Travis.  "Lots of times.  It's easy.  All you have do is read
the words that light up.  Trust me.  It'll be cool.  Now, what are your
plans for the afternoon?"

"Well, I guess I don't really know," I said.  "I'm actually kind of tired
after last night, but I think I should probably work out at some point this
afternoon.  What were you thinking?"

"After all this food we've been eating, I think working out sounds like a
great idea.  I should probably find my parents at some point as well.  They
always complain that I never tell them what's going on.  Not that they ever
bother to ask me.  Anyway, You want to meet up later this afternoon, like
around four or so at the fitness center?"

"That'd be perfect," I said.  I think I'm gonna go take a nap.  This is a
vacation, right?"

"You bet," said Travis smiling.  "I'll see you up there."

I headed back to our cabin and found it already made up and very quiet.  I
opened the door to the verandah so I could get some fresh air in the room
and then totally crashed on my bed.  I woke up a few hours later just a few
minutes before four o'clock and ran around quickly to get my work out
clothes and sneakers on.  Travis was already at the fitness center when I
arrived.

"I almost thought you were ditching me," he said.

"Sorry, man," I replied.  "I was dead to the world for a few hours there.
So what are you up for?  Cardio?  Weights?"

"I definitely don't feel like lifting," Travis said.  "I'll work out, but
like you said, this is still vacation.  Let's do cardio."

"Cool," I replied as we headed over to the mats to stretch out.  We
actually had very similar routines for our work-out, although Travis
preferred the Stairmaster and I stuck to your regular old treadmill.  But
other than that, our plans were pretty similar.  We took it easy and had a
very relaxed, solid work out.

"You wanna get something to drink," Travis asked as we were wrapping up.

"Yeah," I replied.

We wandered down to the Topsider where the lunch and breakfast buffets were
held.  It was pretty quiet now since most people were getting ready for
dinner or starting to go to the shows and stuff.  We each got a fruit
smoothie and found a table near the overlook.

Travis looked at me and smiled.

"Are you having fun?" he asked.

"Sure," I said.  "Are you?"

"Definitely," he replied.  "I'm glad . . . I'm really glad there was
someone cool to hang out with here."

I looked around dramatically.

"Oh!" I said, "You mean me!"  Travis laughed.  "Well, I'm glad I could
help.  For what's it's worth, you're pretty cool to hang out with yourself.
Cheers!" I said bringing up my half empty banana-strawberry smoothie
glass."

"Cheers!" replied Travis.  We sat for quite a while without saying
anything.

"So, are you interested in Susan or what?" I said.  "Cause I gotta tell ya
you don't seem to be making much of an effort there.  At least as far as I
can see."

"Susan?" Travis looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.  "Why do you
think I'm interested in Susan?"

"Well, I mean, you said, or, I thought you said that there was only one
member of our little group that you were interested in and it wasn't
Kristin, so it has to be Susan, right?" I said.

Travis looked over his shoulder to the ocean for a second.

"Andy," he said slowly.  "Neither Kristin nor Susan is my type."

"Then why did you make that comment at the pool?  I thought we were
supposed to be totally straight with one another this week."

Travis giggled.  I didn't know what I had said that was funny.

"I was being honest with you," he said.  For some reason he seemed to be a
little nervous.  "And I'm being totally honest with you right now."

"Travis, what are you talking about?  I'm totally confused."

"Andy," he said looking down at his drink.  "Umm I don't really know how to
say this so I guess I'll just spit it out.  So, ah, . . . I'm gay, Andy.
The person in our group who I find really attractive is . . . you."

It took a second for what Travis just said to register with me.  It didn't
make any sense.  I mean, he was so cool.  He was so not . . . gay.  How
could Travis be queer?

"What?"  I said.  "I don't understand."

"Look," said Travis calmly looking up at me.  "It's not that complicated.
Kristin and Susan aren't my type because they're girls.  I find guys well,
ya know, attractive.  I like being around guys.  And I guess I thought
maybe, since you didn't have a girlfriend and weren't interested in the
girls around here that, well that maybe, um, you might like me too."

"Well I like being around guys too sometimes, but to shoot hoops and play
video games with, not to fuckin' date," I said getting angry.  "I can't
believe you thought I was queer.  You thought I wanted to climb all over
you just because Kristin doesn't ring my bell?  Well that's bullshit,
Travis.  It's total bullshit."  I was speaking before I could even think
about what I was saying.  I felt so angry I didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry, Andy," said Travis.  "Really, I am.  I didn't want to make you
angry, I just wanted to be honest with you.  Just forget about it, OK.  I
. . ."

"I'm not a fucking faggot," I said more loudly than I intended to.  "Just
. . . just lay off all right."

"I'm sorry, Andy.  Really," Travis said with a panicked look on his face.
"I am so sorry I misunderstood.  I never meant for you to be uncomfortable.
I was just so tired of lying to people and I thought I could tell you the
truth.  I didn't want you to be angry.  Really.  I didn't think this
through.  I'm sorry."

"Yeah.  Whatever," I said to him practically sneering.  "I need to go
Travis.  I have to get ready for dinner and I . . . I have to go."  I got
up and walked as fast as I could down the hallway.

Just like that my vacation had turned into a nightmare.  I couldn't believe
that Travis was queer.  He seemed so normal, so cool.  I had really liked
him but apparently he was only interested in getting inside my pants.  I
was so pissed.  I was so confused.  It was totally unfair of him to pretend
to like me when all he wanted was to do . . . what ever he wanted to do.
This was all his fault, I thought.

He couldn't be right, I told myself.  I couldn't be faggot either.  I mean,
just because I had never had a girlfriend and I didn't find the girls at my
school especially attractive didn't mean I wanted to suck face with a guy.
I just hadn't met the right girl yet, right?  Just because I sometimes
noticed good lucking guys didn't mean I wanted to be a girl, right?

But, damnit!  Why didn't feel anything with Kristin?  Why did I practically
pop out of my shorts when Travis touched me this afternoon?  Why didn't I
think about girls in the same way that all my friends said they did?

Nothing seemed to make any sense.

And if all that didn't make me feel enough like shit, there was that look
of panic that Travis gave me.  He looked so sad, so crushed, and I started
to feel bad for being such a total asshole to him.  He had been really nice
to me and I did really like him.  I mean, I never would have been that mean
to Kristin if I didn't want to date her, so what gave me the right to be
that way to Travis?

I arrived at our cabin and I was angry.  Pissed.  I was mad at myself and I
was mad at Travis and I was mad that I didn't know what I was feeling any
more.  If I had been at home, I would have hidden myself in my room and
totally avoided everyone.  But now I had to go into this little cubby hole
I was sharing with my parents and my sister and pretend that everything was
OK.  This sucked.

I opened the door and discovered the three of them cheerfully getting ready
for dinner, Mom combing Ruthie's hair while Dad was tying his tie.

"I was wondering if you were going to make it, dear," said my mother.
"You'd better get changed quickly, we need to be upstairs in fifteen
minutes.

"I know, I know," I gritted my teeth while talking to her.  "I need to take
a shower and then I'll get dressed.  Can I meet you guys up there?" I so
wanted them to leave right now so I could at least have a few minutes by
myself.

"I suppose," sighed Mom.  "Just get there as soon as you can."  She turned
and looked at me.

"Are you OK, honey?" asked my Mom.  "You look a little flushed or
something."

"I'm fine." I said.  "Just sun burn probably."  I closed the door to the
closet that served as our bathroom and turned on the shower.  I took off my
work out clothes and climbed in.  I was in the shower for maybe a minute
when I heard the outer door close and my parents leave.  Almost immediately
I started bawling like a baby.  Everything was so screwed up.  I didn't
understand what was going on in my head.  I didn't understand how I had
been so mean to Travis.  I didn't understand why I wasn't like everyone
else.  I didn't know what to do.  I just cried and cried.

After a while, I crawled out of the shower feeling exhausted but at least a
little better from some sort of release.  I wanted to curl up in my bed and
hide for the next six days.  But that wasn't an option.  I knew I was going
to have to be pleasant at dinner.  Just like Travis had said the other
night, I had to play my part.  I sure couldn't go up to dinner and announce
to my parents: 'Mom!  Dad!  Guess what?  In the past twenty-four hours I've
made and lost a new best friend-and he's queer by the way!  Oh, and I
almost forgot, I'm beginning to wonder if I am a fag myself!'  Nope.  I
don't think that's exactly the conversation Mom and Dad had in mind for
tonight.  It all had to be sweet nothings.  A fun day at the pool!  A great
group of new friends!  Let's all hold hands and sing!

I put on my suit pants.  Slowly buttoned my shirt.  Tied my tie.  Put on my
suit jacket.  I walked over to the mirror.  I looked myself square in the
eyes.

"You can do this."  I said quietly and headed off to dinner.

Somehow I managed to survive the meal without totally biting anyone's head
off.  They probably thought I was just being your typical moody teenager
but I really didn't care.  I just kept a plastic grin on my face as best I
could.  Eventually, dinner came to a close and I was released from my role
as perfect, dutiful son.  I changed as quickly as I could in our room and
told my folks about Karaoke at The Stack.  I told them both good night and
got the hell out of there.

I was actually debating whether or not I was even going to go to Karaoke.
I knew Kristin and Susan would be expecting me, but I just wasn't sure I
could handle seeing Travis right now.  But where else was I going to go?
They were actually kind of strict about letting kids into the bars without
adults (not that I would drink or anything) and going to see some dumb
Disney magic show right now wasn't exactly what I needed.  After wandering
around the deck for a while and just staring into the ocean, I figured I
should go ahead and go check out the karaoke.  After all, Travis probably
didn't want to see me either right now so maybe he wouldn't show.  I could
always leave and tell people I wasn't feeling very good or something.

By the time I arrived at The Stack, the karaoke had already started.  They
had set up a little stage and there was a girl on there singing.  Very
badly I might add.  I looked around and saw Kristin waving excitedly.  She
was seated next to Susan who was next to Travis.  I took a deep breath and
headed over there.  I sat next to Kristin.  I didn't even say hi to Travis.

"We were worried you weren't coming," said Kristin.  "Here's the list of
songs.  We're all doing something."

"Umm . . . I don't think so," I said.  "I'm a terrible singer so I'll just
cheer you guys on."

"No, come on," smiled Susan.  "We're all doing it.  You should too."

"We'll see," I said.  I looked over at Travis and he glanced quickly at me.
He looked completely wiped out.  I turned away.  I felt like I should at
least apologize to him for what I said, but I couldn't even look him in the
eye.

It was a weird combination of pain and humor watching the other folks
participate in karaoke.  I tried my best to put on a cheery face but I
really wasn't having much fun.  Occasionally I'd glance at Travis and it
didn't look like he was enjoying himself much either.

Kristin sang "I'm Every Woman" and while she looked the part, she had a
terrible time staying on key.  But we applauded and told her she sounded
great.  A little while later, Susan went up to sing, "The Greatest Love of
All."  Turns out she had a pretty cool voice and her performance almost
allowed me to forget about Travis.  Brad, who was MC-ing seemed really
impressed and she got a great response from the crowd.

Travis was the last of our group to go.  In fact, he was the last person in
the whole Stack to sing.  Brad called him over to the machine before he
went up and they talked for a minute or so before Travis got on stage.

"OK," said Brad.  "This should be interesting.  Our last singer is Travis
from San Diego and he is going to sing something from a Disney movie I'm
sure you all know."

The recorded music started and I couldn't recognize what the song was.

"What's he singing?" I leaned over and asked Kristin.

"I dunno," she said with a confused look on her face.  "He didn't tell us
but . . . . Oh my God!  I know this!  This is from The Little Mermaid!"
Kristin started giggling.  Just then, Travis started softly singing.

     I wanna be where the people are
     I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancin'
     Walkin' around on those
     Whaddya call 'em? Oh, feet

Some of the kids started snickering when they figured out what Travis had
chosen.  He was singing the part of a Mermaid.

But his voice was so clear, so pure.  Travis was a great singer.  I mean
incredible.  As he went on the whole room grew totally silent to listen to
his amazing performance.

     Up where they walk
     Up where they run
     Up where they stay all day in the sun
     Wanderin' free, wish I could be
     Part of that world

I was blown away.  Travis sounded amazing.  His voice was so beautiful,
everything about him seemed to be communicating that song.  He looked so
confident, so sure of himself on stage.  I found myself staring right at
him.  It was gorgeous to watch; gorgeous to hear.

     What would I give to live where you are?
     What would I pay to stay here beside you?
     What would I do to see you smiling at me?

I started listening to the words he was singing.  And I thought about how
much fun we had together earlier today.  I thought about our conversation
last night.  The idea of walking with Travis, of spending a day with him
didn't gross me out, in fact it brought a smile to my face.  I really liked
him.

     Where would we walk?
     Where would we run?
     If we could stay all day in the sun
     Just you and me, and I could be
     Part of your world

I remembered being with Travis at the pool, remembered seeing him with his
shirt off and feeling his hands on my back.  I realized that I had never
felt anything like I felt when he touched me.  Suddenly, all the confusion
I had been feeling earlier melted away, or maybe it just didn't matter any
more.  It was like turning on a light bulb or seeing a hidden image.

I knew I wanted to be with Travis.

He made me laugh.  He made me happy.  For whatever reason, he even turned
me on.  I couldn't really explain what I was feeling, but somehow it made
sense to me.  And at that moment it seemed like everyone else in the room
disappeared.  I stared up at him and it felts like we were the only two
people in the world that mattered.

He was getting louder and fuller, each phrase more passionate and
meaningful than the one before it.  His voice filled the entire room.  As
he started the last verse, he turned and looked right at our table.  I
could swear he was staring right at me, singing just to me.

     I don't know when, I don't know how
     But I know something's starting right now
     Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be
     Part of your world

The place erupted when Travis finished.  Susan and Kristin stood up.  I sat
completely mesmerized until Kristin slapped my arm and I joined them in a
standing ovation.  Travis smiled and waved almost shyly.  He quickly got
off stage and came down to the table.

"Oh my God, you were amazing," gushed Susan giving him a hug.  "You didn't
tell us you could sing."

"Thanks," said Travis quietly.  "Thanks a lot."

"That was incredible," said Kristin.  "What made you choose that song
anyway?"

"I dunno," said Travis, looking at me.  "I just wanted to do something
different and that song has been going through my head today."  He took a
sip of water.

I couldn't think of anything to say to him.  At least, not right then.  Not
in front of Susan and Kristin.  I couldn't even look at him.

"You know what guys," said Travis turning back to the girls.  "I'm sorry
but I'm kind of wiped out after that.  I think I'm gonna head downstairs."

"Oh, please don't go," said Susan.

"No," said Travis again glancing over at me.  "I think I had better.  I had
fun today.  Thanks again guys."

"Will we see you at the pool tomorrow morning?" asked Kristin.

"Umm . . . . I don't know," said Travis quietly.  "I may have to spend some
time with my parents.  I'll see you guys around."  He started heading out
the door.

"Wow," said Susan.  "I wonder what's going on with him.  I mean he was
totally awesome and then seemed totally depressed about it.  I hope he's
OK."

"Yeah," I said getting up.  "I'm gonna find out.  Thanks for a fun time
today guys.  I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, do you have to leave, Andy?" said Kristin practically batting her eye
lashes at me.

"I need to talk to Travis," I said quietly.  "I'll see you both in the
morning."

I quickly headed out the door looking for Travis.  I thought I caught a
glimpse of him heading to the back of the ship, walking slowly.

"Travis!" I called out.  He stopped and looked in my direction.  When he
saw it was me he just kept walking.

I ran to catch up with him.

"Travis," I said taking grabbing his left arm.  "Are you OK, man?  The
girls are worried about you."

"Just fuck off Andy," Travis said, yanking his arm out from my hand.  "I'm
fine, OK.  I'm not some weakling you have to take care of all right.  I'm
fine.  I'm trying to leave you alone and I wish you would do the same
thing."

"Travis, I know you're mad at me and I totally deserve that." I said
walking next to him.  "I'm so sorry for what I said to you earlier today.
I should never have said those things, Travis.  I didn't mean it, honestly.
You deserve to be treated better."

"No shit, man," he said glaring at me.  "I accept your apology.  Now do you
mind leaving me alone?  I really don't feel like being around you right
now."

"But I need to talk to you," I said as I grabbed his arm again, leading him
the last fifty feet or so to the edge of the deck to the same spot where we
spoke last night.

"Last night we said we were going to be totally honest with one another on
this trip, and that's exactly the way you've been with me," I said.  "I
can't tell you how blown away I've been by your honesty.  But I haven't
kept up my end of the bargain.  I . . . I haven't been totally honest with
you."

Travis' look softened just a bit, but I could tell he was still pretty
angry at me.  I slid my hand gently over the top of his on the railing.  I
felt him tense up.

"Travis," I started taking a deep breath.  "I'll bet I haven't gone five
minutes without thinking of you since we met.  Last night, the reason I
couldn't sleep was because I was so excited about meeting you.  Today, at
the pool, when you told me that you liked someone in our little group I
couldn't stop puzzling about who it was.  And when you put that suntan
lotion on my back I felt, well I don't know what exactly I felt.  But it
was awesome."  I gently started rubbing my finger against the top of his
hand.

"Then this afternoon, when you told me that you were . . . that you thought
I was . . ." I was stalling.

"Go ahead and spit it out, Andy.  You can't catch it ya know," Travis said
once again looking pissed.

"When you told me you were gay, I freaked out," I said quietly.  "But I
guess that's pretty obvious by now.  And I shouldn't have.  I shouldn't
have been rude to you.  More importantly, I shouldn't have lied to you
about the fact that I . . . have felt something about you.  But I wasn't
able to admit it.  At least not until now.  Not until I heard you sing."

Travis's big beautiful eyes locked on mine.  I kept pressing on.

"When you sang, tonight?" I said.  "Oh my God, you sang so beautifully,
Travis.  I've never heard anything like it.  And I don't know if you
intended this or not, but I felt like you were singing only for me.  And it
made me realize that I really like you.  More than like you.  I . . . I
wished that we could . . . like be together or something."

I couldn't breath as we stared at each other for what felt like forever.  I
wasn't sure how Travis was going to respond.  I mean, he would have been
totally justified in telling me to go to hell after how I had treated him.

Slowly the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life warmed his face.

"Andy, I was singing for you tonight," Travis said slowly.  "When I chose
that song I wasn't even sure you were going to be in the room.  But it was
totally meant for you.  I wanted to be honest.  I mean, even though I
couldn't tell anyone what I was feeling, I could sing it to everyone."  He
slid his fingers between mine and our hands were interlocked on the rail.

Slowly, I leaned in and hugged him.  He pulled back for a moment and we
stared into one another's eyes.

"Andy, I don't want you to somehow convince yourself that this is who you
are if it isn't," Travis said.  "I mean, I don't want you to pretend to
like me more than you do, just so we can hang out.  If you want to just be
friends this week, I think I can do that.  But remember, all I really want
from you is honesty."

"Travis, in all honesty," I said "I don't know what's going on in my head.
I don't know if I'm, ah . . . gay or not.  But, well, let me it put it this
way.  Two things happened to me today.  The first is that Mr. Happy Pants
was alive and well when you rubbed my back this afternoon."

We both laughed.

"The other thing that happened," I said more seriously "was that fifteen
minutes ago, when you were on stage I finally was able to see through all
my own confusion and figure out what I've been feeling.  And it was
amazing.  I knew I totally wanted to be part of your world."

Travis grinned from ear to ear.  He squeezed my hand and we stood there a
little while longer.

"Travis, would you do it again?" I asked.

"Do what?" he said, confused.

"Would you sing something for me," I said.  "I don't' care what, I . . . I
just want to hear your voice again."

"Oh I dunno, Andy," he said.  "I really don't have anything . . . ."

"Please," I whined a bit putting my hand on his arm.  "It doesn't matter
what it is.  Just . . . something, anything."

Travis looked at me for a moment and then took both of his hands and turned
me around so I was facing the railing.  He stood right behind me with both
his hands on my arms.  He quietly started humming in my ear.  And then, so
quietly, he started singing.  Just for me.

     Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick, and think of you
     Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
     Flashback warm nights, almost left behind
     Suitcases of memories, time after

     Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead
     You're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said
     Then you say go slow I fall behind
     The second hand unwinds

     If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time
     If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting time after time
     If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time
     If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting time after time

     After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
     Watching through windows you're wondering if I'm OK
     Secrets stolen from deep inside
     The drum beats out of time

     If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time
     If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting time after time

     You said go slow I fall behind
     The second hand unwinds

     If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time
     If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting time after time
     If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time
     If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting time after time

The back of my head was resting on his chest.  Whatever confusion I had
felt earlier in the day seemed long gone.  Being with Travis was right.
This was where I wanted to be.  This is who I wanted to be with.  I turned
around and faced him.

"Now it's my turn to ask you to do something," said Travis.

"Anything," I replied.

"Um . . . before we go downstairs, will you let me give you a goodnight
kiss?" he asked a little sheepishly.

"Uh, sure," I smiled nervously.

Travis put both of his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him.
He turned his head slightly and planted his lips on mine, gently holding us
together for a few seconds.

"Wow," I said.  "That felt . . . great.  This trip just keeps getting
better and better."

We both laughed as we headed back toward the elevators.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SPRING BREAK CRUISE
January 2004

This is a story in eight parts, which are all complete and will be posted
in the next few weeks in accordance with Nifty's schedule.  Part eight
includes more information about the songs/lyrics used in this story.

This is a work of fiction.  I hope you enjoy it! Comments and critiques are
welcome at:  billynkyle@yahoo.com .

I have one other story posted on Nifty and if you liked this one you might
check that one out.  There's definitely a lot of similarities between the
two stories.

Unfortunately, I never posted the end to that one.  (Hence, the defined time
frame of this.)  Anyway, it's at:
gay/highschool/summer-at-the-lake/
I do have a few more chapters of that somewhere (but still no ending!) and
perhaps I'll get them posted.  Let me know if you'd like to see them.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial License.

To view a copy of this license, visit
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd-nc/1.0/
or send a letter to:

Creative Commons,
559 Nathan Abbott Way,
Stanford, California 94305, USA.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------