Date: Sat, 3 Jan 2015 14:02:52 -0500
From: Anthony Tony <tunistony@aol.com>
Subject: Starting Over- Chapter 6

This story is completelyfiction and is made up from my brilliant mind.

Please leave comments:tunistony2@yahoo.com


By: Tony



Starting Over


Chapter 6


I stood there for awhile just thinking. Thinking about everything, while
also trying to thinkabout nothing. I stood there just staring at the door
that Cole had walked outof. His words were haunting me: "If you really
liked me you would've never letthat happen". I don't know why this was
affecting me so much. I mean Coleand I never really had much of anything,
we didn't have a friendship or aromance, we didn't really have any type of
relationship. We were just twopeople wrapped up in a weird situation where
one person couldn't rememberanything except for his infatuation for this
boy and the other person is justtrying not to get hurt in the
process. Whatever relationship we could've had,would've been fucked up to
begin with.

            Eventually I had to go to class because this was only
thebeginning of my horrible day. In every class I was just sitting there
relivingthat memory over and over in my head, and just trying to figure out
why I everwould do that to Cole. I don't know what kind of guy I was back
then but Iwould never do that now. My thoughtswent from: `how could I do
that?' to: `how could I let Kevin do that?' and finallysettled on: `How am
I gonna make Kevin pay for what he did?'.

            By lunch time I was fuming with thoughts in my head onhow I was
going to confront Kevin. I knew I'd see him at lunch and that wasprobably
the best time to talk to him. So it was convenient that the peak of myrage
was settling right around that time anyway.

            As soon as I saw him walk into the cafeteria I went tohim
before he could get to the table full of jocks, and I pulled him
aside."Hey, Kev I need to talk to you." I looked at him intently, "It's
urgent".

            He looked suspicious but willing, which was all theconfirmation
I needed. I walked ahead of him away from the cafeteria and to amore quiet
area of the school where not many people go to, which is the hallwaythat
leads to the library.

             I tried to actcalm enough so that I wouldn't give away my real
intentions but it was hard.

            "So what'd you want to talk about that was so urgent?" Hesaid
looking genuinely concerned. I almost considered not snapping at himbecause
he still seemed like a good guy, but obviously in the past he wasn't
sogreat.

            "I remembered something..." I said sheepishly and looked upat
his expression which was a look of total shock but excitement at the
sametime.

            "Are you serious? Like this isn't a joke or something,right? Oh
my God, buddy, this is great!" He was more than excited, he wasecstatic. It
took me back for a second, but I regained my composure.

            "Yeah, so do you wanna know what the memory was becauseyou were
in it."

            He looked baffled at how stoic I was, "Uh, yeah, goahead. I
just think it's pretty cool that you're getting your memory back,
soonyou'll be your old self again."

            "My old self, huh," I scoffed at that and Kevin justlooked more
confused, "You mean I'll be back to beating up faggots again,right?"

            "Uh, what?"

            "Oh that doesn't ring a bell to you? Really? I thought Iwas the
one who had lost their memory. Well, let me remind you then. It was about a
month before my accident and I wasstanding outside at the back of the
school and Cole Blume was walking towardsme and you came up behind him then
pushed him into the wall for no reason,called him a `cock sucking faggot'
and then punched him in the stomach." I saidwith a huff, I could barely get
all my words out because I was so filled withrage from just retelling the
story.

"So this whole thing wasto yell at me about that stupid gay kid. What the
fuck man? Have you totallylost it?"

            "Maybe I have lost it but at least I can recognize howfucked up
that was, while you look like you have no remorse for what you did." I said
pointedly.

            "Okay, first of all dude, it's you who doesn't remember the
whole story. I walked over to you andhe was standing there for some reason,
but before I could even ask what wasgoing on you were the one who
startedcalling him names. I just joined in and then you were the one who
pushed him into the wall. Maybe I did punchhim but you were egging me
on. You gave no indication that you didn't approveof what we were doing."

            Okay even with the newfound information I still wanted tohit
him, "I don't give a fuck. That was the old me and I still didn't
punchhim." I said while getting more in his face, trying to back him into a
cornerbut he stood his ground.

            "Oh, that's so fucking convenient, isn't it? `That wasthe old
me'," he mocked, "That's been your stupid excuse since you had
thisaccident. I'm tired of it. Yeah, you lost your memory. I get it, but
you didn'ttotally lose yourself. You're stillthe same goddamn asshole you
were before, you're just more self-righteous now.And don't give me that
bullshit about not condoning violence because even your`new self' is
violent. If anything you're more violent now then you werebefore. Like the
Sam incident, where you pummeled his face in until he wasbloody and half
unconscious." He saw my guilty expression, "Yeah, don't forgetthat. So
don't try to get on me about being a violent bully when you're thefreaking
king of violence. Fuck youman!" He said the last part as he got more into
my face a shoved me a bit.

            "Look Kevin, I know you don't believe it but I am achanged
person. I'm not the asshole I used to be. And I know I have beenviolent
after my accident but that was only because I had to be. But I'm notlike
you anymore. I don't pick on innocent people who don't stand a chance
withme in a fight. That's just pathetic."

            "You know what. How about you stop beating around thebush and
start talking about what this whole confrontation has been about. It'sabout
your weird obsession with that little faggotCole, isn't it?" I was giving
him a death glare and my face was getting redwith anger, "Oh yeah, I can
tell I hit a nerve there. What bothered you more?The fact that I said the
precious F word or because I talked about yourprecious Cole? Huh? Why are
you so fixated on him all of a sudden?" Then hisface twisted into something
evil looking, "Did he offer to give you a blow job?Is that why you're
suddenly so obsessed with him because he's willing to suckyou off? Or maybe
he offered up his ass to you and let you do whatever youwanted to
him. Because he's a little cock sucking slut who just wants somedick—"

            Kevin was silenced by my fist hitting his face. I
punchedhim. Right once he said that I couldn't control my anger anymore. I
punched himsquare in the jaw with a right hook. It was like instinct, I
didn't evenrealize I had punched him until he staggered back and leaned
against the wallto hold himself up. He was holding his face while looking
at me in total shock.I guess I had never hit him before. Well, there's a
first for everything.

            He recovered quickly though and stepped towards me again,"You
motherfucker!" He came towards me and tackled me to the ground. I
didn'texpect it at all.

I'd never been in atwo-sided fight before. The only violence I can remember
being a part of wasthe attack on Sam, but this was different. This was
personal, even though Idon't remember much I know that Kevin was my best
friend since childhood. Evenwithout my memory I could tell that we were
once close and even though I'vechanged I could still feel that connection I
had to him. So it was kind of heartbreaking that we were fighting like
this.

            He was on top of me at first when he lunged at me and hepunched
me a couple times in the face and said, "You're a fucking faggot," ThenI
kneed him in the crouch and he was immediately down on the floor. I
kickedhim in the stomach, but he got up quickly before I could get at him
and hepushed me against the wall and my head hit the wall hard and I felt
disorientedand he took that opportunity to punch me again.

 I was just about to retaliate when someoneinterrupted, "Excuse me young
men, what are you doing!" An authoritative femalevoice yelled.

We both froze and lookedover at the person and it was the principal,
Mrs. Freidman looking scandalizedby our actions. "Both of you, to my
office!" She pointed furiously down thehall.

Kevin and I just stoodthere for a second looking at each other, then she
broke us out of our shock byyelling, "Now!"

We both quickly walkeddown the hall to her office with the sound of her
heels clicking closely behindus.





There we were, sittingin the principal's office, me with a black eye
forming and Kevin with a bloodynose. I already knew this wasn't going to be
good.

Mrs. Freidman came intothe room and sat down at her desk facing us and
stared intently at us as if shewas trying to figure out what to do. "I
already notified the front desk to callyour parents." She shook her head
disapprovingly, "This behavior that you boys haveexhibited today was
shameful. I am deeply disturbed at what I witnessed."

I looked over at Kevinand he looked just as ashamed as I felt. I looked
back at Mrs. Freidman and shewas staring right at me, "And you, Mr. Ellis,"
she looked down at a paper,"Matthew, isn't it? You were just in here two
weeks ago, for another act ofviolence against another student. You were
suspended just last week and nowyou're back at it again. Do you think
you're above the rules of the school orare you just completely idiotic,"
She said sternly. I knew she was a ballbuster, but geez. "So what do you
have to say for yourself?"

"I didn't mean for the...um, situation to get out of hand like that. I'm
sorry," I said while trying tolook as sheepish as possible, even though I
didn't really feel that bad forhitting Kevin, he kind of deserved it.

"Well, that's a nicesentiment, but this time it's not gonna cut it. Do you
think I'm just going toallow you to slide by after you've displayed two
acts of violence. When yourparents get here we'll talk about a suitable
punishment." Then she turned herattention to Kevin, "Now, Mr. Lawrence or
Kevin, I see that you haven't had anyprior citations before this so your
punishment can be a week of detention. Iwill still talk to your parents but
for right now you can step out of myoffice. I would like to talk to Matthew
alone." Kevin didn't move at first,"That'll be all," she said with a raised
voice.

He quickly jumped up andleft the office. Leaving me alone with the dragon
lady herself.

"Now what are we goingto do with you?" she said with smirk.





My parents entered theprincipal's office looking like the epitome of livid,
if looks could kill Iwould've been dead two times over. I had enough shame
to keep my head down asthey sat down in the chairs next to me. Before I
could fully contemplate about howmuch trouble I would be in at home,
Mrs. Freidman cleared her throat, whichcaused all of us to look at her
stern face.

"Mr. and Mrs. Ellis, asyou know I called you here because your son had
another incident of violenceagainst another student," She said while
looking pointedly at me over her glasses.

"Yes, we are aware butcan you tell us exactly what happened?" My dad asked
with a heavy look ofconcern.

"Well I came into thealtercation a bit late so I think it would be more
beneficial if Matthew toldus what happened. Go ahead Matthew," she
gestured.

I was silent because Ididn't know how to explain the story without making
me seem like the one atfault. "Um... I was talking with Kevin in the
hallway and everything was cool andthen we started arguing then one thing
lead to another and we started to fightphysically a bit," I said it quietly
so that maybe they wouldn't fully hear me.But I knew they had heard me once
my mom gasped and I saw her put her hand toher mouth looking astonished.

"Don't downplay itMatthew when I saw you two, Kevin had punched you in the
stomach and you werein the act of punching him in the face. This wasn't
just a little scrap, thiswas a complete brawl." Mrs. Freidman noted while
still giving a stern look thatwould rival any angry librarian.

"I can't believe thisMatt, you and Kevin are childhood friends. How could
this happen?" My mominquired.

I was about to try andexplain further but the principal interjected, "The
reason why this happeneddoesn't matter anymore, the point is, it happened
and this is not the firsttime that Matthew has showed an act of violence
towards another student. Let meremind you that he was suspended for this
same offense not more than a week agoand he's already at it again. This
calls for a serious punishment." Mrs.Freidman said quickly as she was a
getting a little red in the face fromgetting worked up.

"Yes, we know that thisisn't the first time Matt has done this and his
behavior is inexcusable but hedoes still have his amnesia and that's
probably causing him to act in theseirrational ways." My dad was defending
me, for once.

"I am fully aware of hiscondition, however, he is being a danger to the
rest of my students and Icannot condone this behavior. I have half a mind
to just expel him right now,but our school policy is three strikes and then
expulsion. And since he issuffering from a rare condition I won't be so
rash, however, I can't just letthis go easily."

"Look, the last time gotinto a fight we agreed to send him to a therapist
and now we've got him goingon a regular schedule. What more can we do?" My
mom asked frantically.

"Precisely what more canwe do, is what I was thinking as well. So I thought
it would be wise that wealso make Matthew also see a school counselor twice
a week, once one Monday andonce on Friday for the rest of the school year,"

"Okay, that soundssensible," my dad perked up.

"Not so fast, He's notgetting away that easy. He is also banned from any
school functions, thisincludes: dances, sporting events, after school
activities. He also hasdetention for a month. Is that clear," she said
sharply.

We all quickly replied,"Yes ma'am".





As soon as I steppedinside the house my parents were ready to
attack. "Matthew Alexander Ellis! Youmust have lost your mind for sure. How
could you get into another fight afterjust getting suspended not more than
a week ago for the same thing," my momexclaimed. I've never seen her look
so mad, it made me kinda scared.

"I don't know what gotinto me, mom. I'm sorry, honestly," I said
sheepishly.

She got closer to me,looking almost menacing as she literally wagged her
finger in my face, "No,Matthew, that's not going to cut it this time young
man. Your father and I are outraged,"she said while gesturing for my dad to
join in but he was respectfully stayingquiet in the background, so she just
continued, "We know that you have thiswhole memory loss thing to deal,
which isn't easy but violence should never bean option. And now you're on
the brink of being expelled. Do you want toexplain yourself?" She asked
with crossed arms and a frown on her face.

All I could do wasstutter and mumble something incomprehensible, "I – I
don't really... um, I don'tknow what I was thinking," I babbled.

"Also Kevin is your bestfriend, how could this happen? We know that you
would have some side effectsfrom the amnesia but I never thought that
becoming a violent degenerate wouldbe one of them." She said in a frenzy,
but my dad finally interjected.

"Linda," my dad saidfirmly and my mom looked up startled out of her rant,
"I think that the boy hashad enough." I felt so relieved until he followed
that statement with, "Let mesit down and have a talk with him," he said
calmly.

My mom looked from himto me and then back at my dad and gave a nod, I guess
his calm voice wasreassuring enough so she just said, "Okay," and walked
off.

Then my dad turned to mewith a worn down look on his face. I could tell
that the stress of my mishapswas getting to him and I felt so guilty for
that.

"Sit down son," he saidquietly but with authority. So I quickly sat down on
the couch as he sat in thechair facing me.

"What's going on?" Heasked. It was such a simple question that could be
interpreted in many ways butat the same time, I knew exactly what he was
asking.

"I don't –"

"And don't just say `Idon't know', because you know exactlywhat's going
on,"

"So I'm guessing I can'tjust blame it all on the amnesia, can I?" I said
with a smirk.

"Not unless you'reacting violent because you can't remember things, which I
highly doubt is thecase. So please just talk to me. I know I haven't been
able to have aone-on-one talk with you lately, and I regret that, but I'm
here for you nowbuddy, so spill."

Where do I start? "Iguess I should just be honest. I don't really know what
to say. I know that mybehavior seems to be crazy and irrational but believe
me I've thought throughall my actions very clearly before I did any of
it. And that is what's so scary, the fact that I did all those acts
withoutfeeling much remorse."

"What's been causing youto do all of this?"

I was debating whether Ishould tell him everything (meaning the Cole
situation and all) or if I shouldtell him an edited version of the real
story. I looked up at him. He lookedlike a nice, distinguished man who is
honest and kind and just wants to doright for his family. I knew that
someday he could handle the truth about me,but right now he's already got
so much on his plate that I didn't want to addany more stress. So I decided
to give him the edited version.

"Dad, I'm having issueswith a person at school and it's not necessarily a
`bad' issue but it's like anissue that involves a lot of feelings and
miscommunication and... it's just complicated."I said swiftly, hopefully
being descriptive enough that he would understand yetvague enough that he
wouldn't fully get it.

He looked contemplative fora while and then looked at me with a knowing
smile, "So this is all aboutrelationship problems? Man, I guess I forgot
what High School was all about,"he said with an amused chuckle.

"Dad it's not as trivialas you think it is," I couldn't help but sound a
little whiny because he wasn'ttaking it seriously.

"It must be if you'regetting into regular fist fights over this
`relationship'."

"I mean this... person isvery special to me for some reason. Since I have
the memory loss it's likeeverything's been erased and it's like I don't
know anything, but one of thefew things that stayed with me is
my...infatuation for this person. I don't knowwhy they're so significant to
me, but if I can remember my feelings for themthen they must be important,
right dad," I said sort of desperately as I lookedat him to give me
validation.

I must have saidsomething to give him a hint as to what I was saying
because his face got heavywith some emotion that I couldn't place, and then
he recovered and looked likehe had come to terms with something. "So tell
me about this... person," he saidsoftly.

I was relieved and I'malways ready to talk about Cole, "They're so nice and
sweet and delicate, butwith an edge, you know. They're so easy to talk to
and I wish I could always bearound them. But lately I've been messing
things up so badly, it seems almostirreparable at this point. And not only
have I been messing up recently butalso in the past, like before the
accident, I was apparently a complete assholeto this person and I don't
know how to fix all the damage that I did in thepast and all the stuff I've
done recently." I said with a huff as I quickly gotmy confession out.

"Son, calm down. I thinkthis person will understand that you have had some
tough extenuatingcircumstances that are making your life difficult right
now." He tried toreason but I wouldn't listen.

"No, but he – I meanthey said that they don't want to deal with the
`emotional rollercoaster' thatI'm putting them on and they basically don't
want to have anything to do withme anymore. And I just don't know how to
deal with all my messed up attempts toget this person to understand that I
genuinely like them. I just feel like Ifailed."

"Hey, don't think that,okay. I can tell you're really trying. Let me tell
you something that my fathertold me when I was going through a situation
where I felt like I had failed. Hesaid to me, `son, when times get hard and
you keep getting knocked down justremember that whatdefines us in life is
how well we rise after falling. I've always rememberedthat and it helped
me, hopefully it will help you too," he said with a warmsmile.

Thewise words from my father helped me more than he will ever know, because
forthe first time in a while I felt like there was hope.



To Be Continued...


Love you guys and hopeyou enjoy this!

 ;) Tony


Comments/questions: tunistony@aol.com or tunistony2@yahoo.com (eitherworks)