Date: Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:13:22 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty <lustyville@yahoo.com>
Subject: Starving For Love-Chapter 17. Pushed Forward

     The way Charlie treated me like his brother and not his
child put me in a good mood. I wasn't happy, but I was far from
depressed. It seemed like things might really change for the best
and I was open to that possibility. When we reached my school, I
felt strange getting out of the car. I missed my makeup and my
hair protecting my face from the stares of others. I hadn't
noticed it the day before because I was so angry with Charlie and
so wrapped up in Tom, but Tom and I were okay and Charlie wasn't
as bad, which meant I had time to let the gravity of my
appearance sink in. From the moment I got out of the car I could
feel their eyes watching me and I knew for sure that the buzz of
noise around me contained whispers about me. People were noticing
me. I could feel it and I didn't like it.

     I fought the urge to start running but I couldn't fight the
urge to keep my head down. I couldn't look at them looking at me.
My feet seemed to drag along the ground despite my best efforts
to walk faster. There was no escape and then it hit me: I was
better off outside. There was more space and more air for me to
breath. The hallways would be packed with people and all of them
would be waging an assault on my space and my air. I knew
everyone was seeing me and that terrified me because I knew there
were no layers for me to hide behind.

     I was having a hard time breathing until I saw Tom. Tom had
his back to me but his presence was enough to fill my lungs with
air and remind my brain that I controlled my breathing. He was
waiting for me at my locker. As I got closer, I saw that he was
talking to James so I was cautious about my approach. I walked
over slowly and stood next to Tom.

     "Well speak of the devil," James said. Tom put his arm
around me and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed and avoided eye
contact with James. James touched my arm and I looked at him. He
hadn't come across as caring the last time I had spoken to him.
"You're looking really good and those scars seem to be healing.
So what happened to your head, did you try another Superman
move?"

     "No."

     "One of these days you're going to kill yourself trying to
fly, or is that the goal?"

     Tom stepped slightly between us. "Okay James, you can go
now."

     "But we were having such a good talk about Brian."

     "James, shut up and walk away."

     "What? Why don't you want Sam to hear about what you and
Brian have been up to? I mean you seemed to be good friends with
your ex-boyfriend until yesterday when your new boyfriend came
back. I'm just wondering what happened."

     "James, you know nothing happened. Brian and I are trying to
be friends. That's it. Period. I love Sam."

     "But does Sam love you?"

     James looked at me accusingly. "Yeah. I do."

     "You don't sound too sure about that."

     "I am sure. I love him."

     "Didn't I see you leave here yesterday with that new kid? It
looked to me like the two of you were pretty chummy, especially
when you disappeared in to that house across the street. Does Tom
know about that?"

     Tom answered, "Yes. I even know who that kid is and I'm not
threatened by him. Sam is allowed to have other friends. I'm not
going to try to own him the way Billy owns you."

     "Hey, hey, now you fucking crossed the line there. Billy and
I are just friends. He doesn't own me."

     Tom sneered. "What because he let's you off your leash
sometimes that means you're free?"

     "You know what Tom, Sam is starting to live up to his
potential. Once the other gay guys around here get a good look at
him, I'm sure you're going to have some competition." His words,
though meant for Tom, somehow got me. The words were like tiny
punches in the gut. James was assuring me of the one thing I
least desired. I didn't want that kind of attention. Truthfully,
I didn't want any kind of attention unless it was from Tom or
Matt. I wanted to ease my way in to pretending to be normal and
too much attention would force my hand and certainly lead to the
revelation that me being normal was all an act. I couldn't be
normal. It was something I never learned how to be, but I could
imitate what I saw and hope no one was astute enough to see
through me.

     "You're just upset because you could never have him."

     James turned white. "How could you say that?" I knew it was
close to the truth but not quite it. James still had a thing for
Tom.

     Tom got in his face and barked, "Because it's the truth. Why
don't you spend a little less time watching my boyfriend and
keeping tabs on our relationship and a little more time minding
your own business."

     James looked at me and with contempt in his voice, he said,
"It's not true. I would never want someone as pitiful as him. I'm
not in to suicidal freak shows."

     Tom grabbed James and threw him up against the lockers which
drew the attention of the people around us. "Don't you ever talk
about Sam like that or I'll tell everyone your secret. Do you
understand me?" Tom slammed James against the locker again. "I
said do you understand me?"

     "Yes, I understand." Tom let James go and James walked away.

     I was speechless. I unpacked my bag while Tom tried to
explain that James didn't mean what he said. The damage was done
and I was in damage control mode. The suicidal freak show comment
didn't bother me nearly as much as knowing Tom had been talking
to Brian. I wondered why he didn't tell me.

     There was a loud squeal and a blur of hair before arms were
wrapped around me. The arms let me go and the girl stepped back.
It was Sarah. She pushed me. "How are you?"

     I wasn't sure what was going on, but I wanted to try to go
with the flow. "I'm fine."

     "That's good! I've been so worried about you. I was upset
when I didn't get to see you yesterday but I had an emergency
cheerleading meeting during lunch." She touched my arm again and
I had to scream at myself not to yank my arm away from her. "So
did Tom tell you yet?"

     "Tell me what?"

     "Oh okay, he hasn't. That's all I need to know." She kissed
me on my cheek and said, "I got to go, but I'll see you two at
lunch," then she kissed Tom on his cheek, "I hope you two have a
great time."

     She left and I couldn't wait to ask, "What was that all
about?"

     "She helped me plan a surprise for you and she wants to make
sure she gets credit for what she did."

     "What did she do?"

     Tom grabbed my hand. "She helped me set up breakfast for
us."

     "But I already ate."

     Tom moved behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "If you
already ate that means we can spend our time doing other things."

     "But what about class?" He turned me around.

     "We'll cut the first few and we'll come back for lunch."

     School was the last place I wanted to be anyway, so Tom's
suggestion sounded great. I stuffed my books in my locker and we
were on our way. He tried to hold my hand as we walked down the
hallway but I found myself pulling it away and messing with my
hair. In my mind, I was sparing him from the shame of claiming me
and our relationship in public which was probably crazy because
we kissed in the middle of the hallway the day before and he
kissed me on my cheek and held my hand and even before we were a
couple, we were always together so he had already publicly
claimed me.

     When we got in the car, Tom started staring at me. I ignored
it for a minute then I had to say something. "What?"

     His hand reached out and his index finger caressed my cheek.
"I love you."

     "I love you, too."

     "You look amazing today."

     "Thanks."

     "Blue really is your color."

     "I wore it for you."

     "Would you take it off for me?"

     "Huh?"

     Tom covered his mouth for a second. "Sorry, I didn't mean to
say that. I meant you look great. You really do."

     "Okay."

     Tom laughed to himself and took his hand away so he could
start the car. "Sam, I," he looked at me and giggled,
"nevermind."

     "What?"

     "I just need a moment to get myself together." A few minutes
later, he put the car in gear and we were on our way. We hadn't
even made it out of the parking lot when Tom asked, "Do you ever
dream about me?"

     "Yeah."

     "What kind of dreams?"

     "Good dreams mostly."

     "What kind of good dreams?"

     "What do you mean what kind of good dreams?"

     "Like good dreams or really good dreams?"

     I finally got what he meant. "Tom, I swear to God if you're
asking me if I've ever had a wet dream about you I'm going to
shrivel up and die."

     "Don't be so dramatic. I'll go first then. I dream about you
a lot. In most of the dreams I start out helping you with
something and then one thing leads to another and"

     "Tom!"

     "Don't act shy about it. I know you've thought about me that
way. Haven't you?" I don't think saying I blushed would be an
adequate description of what happened because I am fairly certain
that my entire body turned red. Tom glanced over at me. "Yeah
look at that face! I knew you had!"

     I shifted in my seat. "Why are you talking about this?"

     "Well I had this dream last night and you were wearing a
blue shirt like the one you have on, with your hair pulled back
in to a ponytail, like it is now, and we were both in my car,
like we are now, and I leaned over to kiss you and we started
kissing and really getting in to it, then you took off your
shirt"

     "Okay Tom I think I've heard enough."

     "It's not going where you think it is."

     "Right, so we don't hop in the backseat?"

     "Oh we definitely hop in the backseat and we do some other
things too."

     "And what, you woke up with a sticky mess?"

     "You're getting ahead of yourself. Let me finish."

     I waited for him to finish but there was a long pause. "Just
finish already."

     "See, I knew you wanted to hear what happened! I'll skip
ahead a little bit though. So we slipped in the backseat and you
know and when we were done, you looked at me and said, `Let's
start again' then I closed my eyes and we were sitting in the
front seat talking again and then I leaned over and kissed you
and we did everything over. Then I woke up with a sticky mess."

     "Ew!"

     "So what does the dream mean?"

     "It means I was so good the first time, you had to have
seconds right away." I laughed and Tom laughed with me.

     "Maybe." He slapped my thigh and said, "Now tell me about
one of your dreams."

     "No!"

     "We're best friends! We're supposed to share those kind of
things!"

     "It's too early in the morning to be talking about sex and
it's too embarrassing to talk about sex with you."

     "Who else are you going to talk about it with?"

     "Hopefully no one, ever."

     "Am I like bad in bed in your dreams or something?"

     "Tom, you're great at everything, even in my dreams."

     He stuck out his chest and beamed with pride. "Good."

     Tom pulled in his driveway. "I think I've been here before,"
I joked.

     "Ha, ha. Come on." When we walked in the house, he led me
towards the kitchen. "I would have done this yesterday but I
wasn't sure if Charlie was going to follow you around or not."

     "Done what?"

     He pulled me in to the kitchen and said, "This."

     There was a huge banner that said WELCOME HOME SAM and
balloons and a table that was set for a romantic breakfast for
two. He had my favorite cereal on the counter. "Didn't your
parents notice this?"

     "No. They left at the crack of dawn and then Sarah came over
and helped me clean the kitchen and make everything perfect for
us."

     I was threatened by his friendship with Sarah. They had
hidden their friendship before, maybe Tom didn't think I could
handle him having other friends, but they were suddenly flaunting
their friendship in my face and forcing me to accept it. I liked
things better when Sarah faded in to the background whenever I
was around. It wasn't that I didn't like her, because I did like
her, but I had an irrational fear that the more time Tom spent
with semi-normal people, the less time he would want to spend
with me.

     "I'm not hungry."

     Tom put his hand on my waist and slowly leaned in until our
foreheads were pressed together. His hand went around my waist
and he pulled me closer and kissed me. He had never kissed me
that way before, with such passion and strength. To say the kiss
took my breath away would be to say the ocean has a little water.

     Tom broke the kiss and gasped for air the he said, "Wow!
You've never kissed me like that before!"

     "It wasn't me, it was you."

     "Whatever it was, it was something. That's the kind of kiss
that can get two horny teens in trouble," Tom snickered.

     "Good thing we're not two horny teens."

     "Yeah, good thing we're not," Tom said before he assaulted
my lips with the same desperation as before. He wanted me in the
worst way and his kiss was trying to tell me that. I thought
about Brian and I wondered what Brian would do then I realized I
had to make a move. I wanted Tom probably as much as he wanted me
and it was dumb to keep slowing things down.

     I dipped my hand down the back of Tom's pants and he pulled
away from me. "Okay, I think that's enough."

     I wasn't about to stop. I wanted to be with Tom in a way
that was different than any other way we had been together.
"You're right, we should go to your room to finish this."

     Tom's eyes almost jumped out of his head. "You want to go to
my room?"

     "Yes."

     "But," I grabbed his hand before he could object and I led
him to his bedroom. We entered his room. "We don't have to do
anything," he assured me.

     "I know, but I want to."

     "We're not ready."

     "Yes we are."

     "How do you know?"

     "Because it feels like the right time. Doesn't it feel right
to you?"

     "Sam, it always feels right to me." Tom looked at the bed
that we had sat on countless times watching movies then he looked
at me, "What do you want to do?"

     I pushed him backwards towards the bed and said, "I have
some ideas. What about you? What do you want to do?"

     "Whatever you want to do."

     I smiled because that was the quintessential Tom answer. He
didn't want to rush me or push me to do something I wasn't ready
to do so he was putting the ball in my court. He loved doing that
to me, dribbling around me, getting me all worked up and then
passing me the ball and telling me to take the shot. He did it
when he told me how he felt about me, he did it when he made me
kiss him on my bed in my room and he did it when he gave me that
mind blowing kiss in the kitchen and then backed off and left
things up to me. He gave me the ball and waited for my next move.

     I pushed Tom almost to the bed then I had an idea, "Wait!"

     "What?"

     "Let me undress you first."

     "Only if I get to undress you." I didn't understand why he
wanted to undress me but I agreed and I got things started. I
helped Tom take his shirt off and then I pushed him on the bed
and took his shoes and socks off for him. I had played that scene
out a million times in my head. I moved to undo Tom's belt buckle
with my teeth and he stopped me. "I don't think I can handle you
being so close to that area." I laughed and kissed my way up his
stomach and chest and neck, then I got off of him and he hurried
through taking off his pants and underwear.

     I wanted to worship his body because he was perfect.
Everything about him was beautiful, even the way his dick curved
slightly to the left. It was him, so it was just right.  I put my
hand on his stomach and felt the smoothness of it as I
tentatively leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me for a moment
then he pushed me off and I stood up.

     Tom stood in front of me and reached towards my shirt
announcing, "My turn." I was dreading him taking off my clothes
and revealing my hideous body but he wanted to see me and it was
only fair since I got to see him. I closed my eyes because I
didn't want to be looking at him when his eyes filled with
disgust. He pulled my shirt over my head and then he took some
time to rub my chest and kiss my nipples, which made me giggle
until he let one slip in his mouth and he sucked on it; that made
me take a sharp intake of breath. I opened my eyes for a second
to look at him with my nipple in his mouth. Tom stopped sucking
on it and licked it roughly a few times then the tip of his
tongue made its way down my torso and stopped at my belly button.
"I think it's time for your pants to come off."

     I kicked off my shoes and Tom unbuttoned my pants. He pulled
my pants down but he left my underwear on. I closed my eyes again
because I couldn't bear to watch him looking at my scars. I felt
his fingers touching my scars and tracing a few of them, then his
fingers were at the top of my underwear slowly pulling down. I
stepped out of my underwear and I freaked. I opened my eyes and
jumped under the covers.

     "What are you doing?" he asked.

     I was hiding my body from him because I was afraid the
longer he looked at it the less he would want me, but I couldn't
tell him that. "I don't know."

     He grabbed the covers and gently pulled them back as he got
on the bed and laid next to me. He was facing me. "I want to see
you."

     "I'm a little cold."

     He gave me a wicked grin as he moved closer and pressed his
naked body against mine, "Let me warm you up." I started laughing
because I was so nervous, then Tom's lips made contact with mine
and my nerves faded away. We started making out and eventually he
rolled on top of me. His body felt like it belonged on top of
mine and that made it easier for me to forget my inhibitions
about my body and just let the moment carry me away. Tom's kisses
became less passionate and he suddenly turned his head slightly
away so we weren't kissing. "I'm getting close," he warned.

     I took one of my hands off of his back and pushed his
shoulder away from me to create a little space. "Stop."

     He stopped immediately, almost as if he froze on top of me,
then he panicked. He rolled off of me. "Are you okay? Did I do
something wrong? Was this too much?"

     "I'm fine, I just don't want you to cum yet because I want
to," I wasn't sure how to tell him what I wanted so I took a
breath and then continued as best I could, "I want to taste you."

     "I can put some on my finger and,"

     I interrupted him, "I want it directly from the source."

     "Oh. You um want to uh, I mean you want like, um you uh."

     "I want to give you a blowjob. There I said it!"

     He looked away from me and I thought he was going to shoot
me down, but when he looked back, he had a huge smile on his
face. "On one condition."

     "What?"

     "I get to taste you too."

     "Okay."

     "Good, so how do you want me?"

     "Huh?"

      "You can have me any way you want me. So how do you want
me? Do you want me standing, kneeling, on my back, sitting in a
chair"

     "I already heard the option I want."

     "Which one?"

     "Lay on your back and I'll take care of the rest."

     He laid on his back and I started by kissing his face, then
his lips then his chin and his neck and all the way down his
body. I was stalling for time because the closer I got to his
dick, the more I started to worry that I wouldn't be able to
satisfy him. I was sub-par in everything I did, even living, so
it seemed only natural that I would be sub-par in giving Tom
pleasure. I finally worked up my courage enough to kiss his dick.
He moaned and that encouraged me to open my mouth and let the
head in.

     "Oh Sam," he moaned. He said my name in a way that sent
shivers through my body. I wondered if he could ever say my name
like that again. He answered my question a few seconds later when
he took a deep breath and said, "Sam, umph, Sam."

     I knew I didn't know what I was doing, but I assumed I must
have been doing okay. I put my hand at the base of his shaft and
squeezed it, then I started jacking him while I sucked on him. My
mouth started to get tired so I stopped sucking on the head and I
jacked him while I licked the head instead. I started jacking him
faster and suddenly I had the inspiration to lick his balls, so I
did. His body twitched like he needed out of his skin because it
was keeping him from something. It scared me so I went back to
sucking the head and I tried to go a little lower, but I didn't
make it very far. Tom placed his hand on top of my head and he
put his fingers in my hair as he pushed my head down.

     I heard him say, "I'm abou" then his words stopped like they
had been cut off. I felt his body change and kind of tighten and
then I could taste him in my mouth.  He tasted salty and tart but
I wasn't going to spit out any part of him so I swallowed and
then I licked the head to make sure I had every last drop then I
stopped jacking him and I worked my way up his body. He had his
arm thrown over his eyes and he was still breathing hard when I
reached his face. I tried kissing him, but he wasn't able to
really kiss me back so I gave up and moved off of him. Tom moved
his arm and he opened his eyes and looked over at me, then he
giggled and looked away.

     I began to wonder if maybe I was really bad and he was
laughing at me because I was horrible. He looked back at me and
gave me a quick peck on the lips. "That was better than anything
I've ever imagined," he said.

     I was washed over by a feeling of relief that I hadn't
screwed up. "Thanks," I whispered. I was too shy to look him in
his eyes so I stared at his lips. "Was I um, nevermind."

     "Were you what?"

     "Was I better than Brian?"

     "Yes. You're the best I ever had." His hand started tracing
a line down the middle of my body. "I guess that means it's my
turn again." He pushed me on to my back and he climbed on top of
me and kissed me like he might never see me again and he had to
make the most of the moments we had. He didn't kiss a path down
my body like I did to him, instead, he went from my lips to my
dick in one motion. He seemed excited to get started and once his
lips wrapped around my dick, I understood what he must have felt
when I did that to him. It was a level of physical pleasure that
I had never known before. Everything Tom did left my body begging
for more. I began to feel the high I once only got from hurting
myself only the high was magnified because of the sexual pleasure
that I was also feeling.

     It felt so good that it hurt to feel that good and I felt
like I had no right to feel that way. I put the side of my hand
in my mouth and I bit down. I bit gently at first, but the better
my body began to feel, the harder I bit down. Right before I
came, I bit down so hard that I tasted blood in my mouth.

     I kept my hand in my mouth but I didn't bite down while I
came. Tom was too busy swallowing to hear me sniffling and trying
to fight back tears. The best feeling of my life was being
followed by one of the low points. I went soft soon afer I came
because I felt so bad. Tom let me drop from his mouth and he
crawled up my body. I saw him looking at my tears so I shut my
eyes, but it was too late.

     He slid off of me. "What's wrong?"

     I took my hand out of my mouth and said, "I'm sorry."

     "For wha" I knew he saw it. He grabbed my wrist. "What
happened to your hand?" The bite marks were obvious.

     "I didn't mean to."

     I felt the bed move and I knew he was getting up, that made
me cry harder because I had ruined our first time. I cried until
I felt him sit on the bed again. I opened my eyes to see what he
was doing. "Give me your hand," he ordered. He grabbed my hand
and I noticed he had a cotton ball. "I would say this is going to
sting a little but I'm sure you'll enjoy it." His words hurt more
than the alcohol as he cleaned my wounds. Tom put some neosporin
on my wounds and carefully rubbed it around with a cotton swab,
then he turned my hand over and did the same thing to the other
side. He wrapped a bandage around my hand and looked at me with
pity in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.

     "No. I'm sorry."

     "You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry. We shouldn't have
done this today."

     "It's not this. This was great. It's me. You make me feel so
happy and I" His eyes were pleading with me not to say it, "I," I
couldn't say those words to him, I couldn't tell him that after
everything he had done for me, I still didn't feel like I
deserved him, "it was an accident. I got really excited and I
accidentally bit too hard."

     He put his arm around me. "It's okay."

     I smiled, "It's embarrassing, that's what it is."

     "Come on, Sam, there's no reason to ever be embarrassed when
you're with me. I'm just happy that you didn't do it on purpose."

     I had done it on purpose and that made me feel guilty. "I
almost cut myself last night," I said.

     "Huh?"

     "I almost cut myself last night, but Charlie stopped me."

     "Oh." I got the impression that Tom didn't want to know the
details. "Let's put our clothes on and grab a bite to eat before
we leave."

     He didn't even look at me while we dressed. When we got to
the kitchen, he took out the milk and fixed his cereal then I
fixed mine. It wasn't romantic in the least. He was off in
thought and we ate in silence until the silence was too much for
me to bear. "Our we okay?"

     He gave me a quick look. "We're fine."

     "Why aren't you talking to me?"

     "I'm just thinking."

     "About what?"

     "I thought you were getting better but you're not."

     "I'm eating. You can look at me and see that! I've gotten so
fat."

     He dropped his spoon in his cereal and pushed the bowl away.
"That's the thing, you're not fat but you still think you are and
you still don't think you deserve to be happy. I bet you bit
yourself on purpose." I looked down. "You did, didn't you? Why'd
you lie about it? You don't have to pretend with me. I want to
know if you're not getting better."

     "I am getting better."

     "You're not acting like it."

     "Tom I didn't mean to bite myself, well not really, it just
happened and last night, when I was thinking about cutting
myself, it took me a long time to decide to do it. It never would
have taken me that long before. I'm getting better! I know I am,
but you can't expect me to completely change overnight!"

     "I don't!" He stood and pushed in his chair. "Are you ready
to go?"

     "I want to finish my cereal." He rolled his eyes then pulled
out his chair and sat back down. He waited patiently while I ate
a bowl of cereal that I didn't want but I had to eat it because I
wanted him to see that I was making progress. I finished the
cereal and put my bowl in the sink. "I'm done."

     Tom stayed seated. "I need to say something before we go."
He stared at the table. "I'm sorry for pushing you today. You
weren't ready for it and I knew you weren't but I let you
convince me otherwise."

     "You didn't push me. I wanted to. I've wanted to for a long
time. Everything we did today was good. In fact, it was better
than good so don't apologize for it." I walked over to him and
put my hand on his shoulder. "You did everything right, don't let
what I did ruin it." I kissed him on his cheek.

     "I love you," he whispered, "it wouldn't hurt so much if I
didn't."

     "I know and I hope one day we don't have to deal with the
faulty switch in my head, but you have to believe that I'm doing
my best."

     "I know." He stood and hugged me. "We're fine, I promise."
He gave me a quick kiss on my lips and held my hand as we left
his house.

     As soon as we got in his car I remembered the banner and the
balloons. "How are you going to explain the decorations to your
parents?"

     "I'm not. I'll have it cleaned up by the time they get
home." He rubbed my hand and gazed in to my eyes. "Thank you for
today."

     He was thanking me when I was the one who should be thanking
him. "Thank you for loving me."

     Tom leaned over and kissed me. "It's my pleasure to love
you." He started laughing. "That sounded better in my head."

     "It sounded fine to me." We kissed again then we put on our
seatbelts.

     Tom was backing out of his driveway when a car came to a
screech behind us and blocked us in. The driver's door went
flying open and Charlie came charging towards the car. He opened
Tom's door and grabbed him but luckily Tom's seatbelt stopped
Charlie from pulling him from the car. Charlie let go of Tom and
said, "Get the fuck out of the car! Now!"


Copyright Lustyville 2008
Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out more
of this story and my other stories at:
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and my website at www.lustyville.com