Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2003 06:51:16 -0800 (PST)
From: afterglow <itsme_afterglow@yahoo.com>
Subject: stay chapter 7

Stay
Chapter 7
by afterglow

Disclaimer: This is not wonderland. This is serious stuff. So if you
feel that the tootsie fairy just whacked your butt in here, please
read something else. This contains love/sexual desires between teenagers.
Any similarities to certain persons are purely coincidental. And unless
this kind of material offends you're crude mind, I suggest you sit back,
relax and enjoy wonderland.

***
Okay guys, I'm really sorry for this one! As I said in the last chapter,
I've been doing schoolwork and well I've never found the time to write.
So to make this up to you, I'll post the next one as soon as possible.
I hope you all understand...
***

	Well, I guess I just hate parties.

	So here I am alone. Again. Outside. In the dark. Working up the
courage to drink this so called wine in my hand. Urgh! Sometimes I just
want to kill myself.

	Well, duh? As you can see by now the party is still running. Not
that it's party or anything. Okay, look over there. See the banner that
says "Matt and Michael forever". Yes, you guessed it right. It's a gay
party. Well, not really. Jed's uncle is getting married to that man in
the black suit. Jed never told me his uncle was gay, not that was any
of my concern. It's just that he could have told me we're going to this
kind of party.

	What am I doing? God! I'm blabbing again. And I'm not even drunk
yet. It's just that, Urgh, I hate parties!

	"Hate parties?" Huh? Did I say that aloud? And then I felt
someone sit beside me.

	"Yeah," I said as I faced him. And then it dawned me. This
guy looks familiar.

	He must have sensed my confusion and spoke up, "I'm Jed's brother,
Trent". He held out his hand and shook mine. Wow, they're almost alike.
I mean the face and the built. But I guess Trent is much taller.

	"I'm Jed's friend, Edo."

	"So I finally met the Edo my brother's been talking about."
Jed's been talking about me? "Well, if your wondering where he is,
he's over there with some girl."

	I watched as Trent pointed out to the pool. Yup, it's Pat all
right. They're both at the edge of the pool and it looks like they're
in deep conversation. I watched as Pat's hands suddenly take Jed's.
And at that moment, my heart kept beating so fast. What's wrong with me?

	"They look good together, don't you agree?"

	It took me awhile to answer that, "Uhhhh, yeah." I quickly looked
the opposite way and just stared at the trees in front of me. That's
it Edo, the trees. Concentrate on the trees. Damn trees! I felt my left
hand stir and in one shot, I gulped down the wine I was holding.

	"So Edo, do you have someone special in your life right now?"
Well, that question caught me off guard.

	"Uh... uhh... no... nope."

	"Well, good for you. To be honest, I've never been the fan of
something like that. I've never really felt, you know, that thing."

	"Love?" I blurted out.

	"Yeah, the big L. Look, it's not that I'm afraid of it or anything,
but you'd agree with me if I said that it sucks, right?" Huh?

	"Uh... I don't know."

	"Well, believe it or not pretty boy, someday, sometime you're
going to meet someone that you really, I mean really fell bad for. Then
you start believing that that person feels the same way. But then you
wake up, with a slap from reality that says 'it's over, get on with your
life, that person loves somebody else'. So you see, I've given up that
big L along time ago. And look what it did to me. I never again felt
rejection or pain or the hopes of being madly falling. I've learn to
accept who I am and be myself without restrictions..." And he goes on
and on.

	Wow, suddenly a light bulb appeared in my head. As all the words
kept sinking in, I felt that he's right. He's so right. I mean there's
no point in falling in love with Jed. Nor falling in love is ever an option.
Because... because well, I'm gay. And whenever I'll fall over a guy,
I'll think that what's best for him isn't me but somebody else. Somebody
straight.

	And when I was about to say something, I felt his head fall on my
shoulder. I looked at him and saw his eyes closed. Oh gee, I thought he
was for real. I guess the alcohol just set him off. Maybe I should leave
now before I doze off too. I carefully slip my arms around Trent to
straighten him out. And then as I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps
from behind us.
	"Oh, how romantic, look at those two by the garden. Aren't they cute?"

***

	I'm glad that was over. I spent half the time dodging everyone
in
the party and saying goodbye to Jed's uncle. Well, Jed was still with
Pat
and I didn't want to disturb them. So here I am at the front door of grams'
house. And just when I thought the night wouldn't end, grams greeted me
with a worried face.

	"Grams what's wrong?" I asked her.

	"It's Jarrod. He's been sitting at the lake for hours. He came here
early to talk to you and I said you were at a party. I'm worried Edo, he
looks so depressed."

	"Grams, it's alright. I'll go talk to him now." So I pushed the
door to our backyard to and went by the lake. And soon I saw a silhouette
sitting at the edge of our log, I knew it was Jarrod.

	I smiled when I remembered how Jarrod used to come here whenever
he wants to see me at night. He'll then sneak up to me while I keep on
looking for him. And when I turn around, he'll be pinning me down and
tickling me until I say 'Jarrod is the most pretty boy I've ever met'.
Well, I usually give up every time he does that but I can't understand
why he keeps on doing those things. Oh, how I miss those days.

	"Do you remember the times when we use to hang around this tree
whenever it gets dark?" Jarrod asked.

	I looked at him point blank, "Jarrod, what are you doing here?"

	"And I'd come around and sneak up on you. You should have seen
yourself laugh at those moments. It was so genuine and so priceless.
And I'd tickle you to no end until you say..."

	"Jarrod is the most pretty boy I ever met," I cut him off.

	"You remember? We where like what? six? Eight?"

	"Seven. You started doing that on my seventh birthday. While
I was busy hiding from the party, you come along and have this freakish
idea to go skinny-dipping. And I refused and then you started that
tickling session and I guess that's it."

	"Yeah. I guess that's it." And then for a second there, we
just looked at the smooth curves of the water in front of us.

	"Jarrod..." I whispered.

	"Edo, I'm not here to fight. I... I came because... um, I want
to talk to you about something."

	"I know, Pat's doing all right..."

	"This has nothing to do with Pat. It's about you."

	"Oh..." I said confused.

	"Look Edo, I know I have been a dip shit to you. And I know
that every time you're around, I go angry and I start blaming you for
everything." And he breathed, "This is so hard for me."

	Then for a second there, I smiled. "I know Jarrod. We've known
each other way back. And I know that's it's so hard for you to say
sorry. Well, Jarrod it's over. Some things are meant to be left behind.
But you know what, I understand. I understand that the only constant
thing in this world is change. And I'm just part of that change in your
life. I'm just a phase, a time, a memory."

	"Is that what you think?" Then Jarrod laughed, "All my life,
I've been searching for this person who could make me laugh, who
could share my joys and moments of pain, who I could just feel connected
to with every bit of my soul. And then you left and I realized, I was
looking at the wrong direction."

	And at that moment I felt very irritated, "Look, Jarrod, why
are you here? What's this all about? You want to say sorry, I accepted
you apology. What more do you want from me?"

	Jarrod's eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He was looking straight
at me as if trying to find some answers. "You really don't know, do you?
Well... here." And at that time, I saw white letter that came out of his
hand. "It's a letter from a boy who loves another boy, who's about to
leave him behind. And you know, the funny thing is, it's not because
he's gay but because he can't tell it straight to him."

	Then I felt my mouth begin to speak, "Well maybe because he's
afraid."

	"Afraid that he will be rejected or afraid that the person he
loves feels the same way?"

	"Both. Maybe for years he's been so confused with his emotions
and now all he wants is for him to know that he loves him. Maybe he's
afraid because he doesn't want to share his pain to another. Or maybe
because he's just... afraid."

	"Are you afraid Edo?"

	This time my heart was beating so fast, "Every time."

	And then we stared again at the flowing water. "Edo, sometimes
I wonder where our friendship will lead to. Sometimes I feel we're so
alike and so connected. And then sometimes I feel that you're miles
apart. I don't know where the boat will lead us but I guess every path
has its end. I just came here because I want to tell you personally
that I'm... that I'm leaving."

	Leaving? Who's leaving? He can't leave! NO!

	I felt like the world has turned upside down. And then it hit
me. The signs. The time where Jed said the exact words Jarrod spoke.
And the dreams I've been having! God! It wasn't about Jed. It was all
about Jarrod. I was just too obsessed with Jed that I became blind to
Jarrod. Urgh!

	"You can't leave. Um, you're whole life is here. You're family
is here. You're friends are going to miss you. Pat and Jed are going to
miss you. I... I'm going to miss you."

	Jarrod then held my hand, "Edo, my heart maybe here. But my
life is somewhere else. I have been accepted for a football scholarship
at Australia. You know I've always wanted to be on the field. They say
if I do well enough I could play professional football. And well, this
is my dream Edo, my chance. For the first time in my life, I've actually
found something I could hold onto."

	Now I felt what's it like to be on the other side. How it feels
like to be left behind. Why is this happening to me? What could I say?

	"I hate you." I said bluntly.

	"I know I've been there."

	"Are you doing this because..."

	"No, it was my decision. And I said it was my dream. I just want
to say goodbye to you before I leave." And then he took my hand and said,
"This is for you Edo. I know that when I'm gone, when I'm not around
every time you're afraid, I want you to hold this tight and remember
me. I want you to know that no matter what; I'll be always here to give
you all the courage you need. So that someday, somehow, you can say to
the person you love the most that you're not afraid to love them." I
opened my hand and was surprised. It was a locket that has my initials
on it.

	This time I was crying my heart out. And Jarrod just hugged me
at that moment. He was telling me that it was going to be all right.
But it isn't. Jarrod's gone. The first person I fell for is going to
leave me.

	Suddenly I remembered what Trent said to me earlier. Love sucks.
And now, I feel like I won't love anyone else anymore.

***
Okay, people. Mushy ending there. But I need this part so I can wrap
things up with Edo and Jarrod. I hope I didn't disappoint you! So again
to all those who emailed me and said that they loved the story. Keep it
coming guys! So stay cool ya al'! Peace!

*afterglow





Stay
Chapter 7
by afterglow

Disclaimer: This is not wonderland. This is serious stuff. So if you
feel that the tootsie fairy just whacked your butt in here, please
read something else. This contains love/sexual desires between teenagers.
Any similarities to certain persons are purely coincidental. And unless
this kind of material offends you're crude mind, I suggest you sit back,
relax and enjoy wonderland.

***
Okay guys, I'm really sorry for this one! As I said in the last chapter,
I've been doing schoolwork and well I've never found the time to write.
So to make this up to you, I'll post the next one as soon as possible.
I hope you all understand...
***

	Well, I guess I just hate parties.

	So here I am alone. Again. Outside. In the dark. Working up the
courage to drink this so called wine in my hand. Urgh! Sometimes I just
want to kill myself.

	Well, duh? As you can see by now the party is still running. Not
that it's party or anything. Okay, look over there. See the banner that
says "Matt and Michael forever". Yes, you guessed it right. It's a gay
party. Well, not really. Jed's uncle is getting married to that man in
the black suit. Jed never told me his uncle was gay, not that was any
of my concern. It's just that he could have told me we're going to this
kind of party.

	What am I doing? God! I'm blabbing again. And I'm not even drunk
yet. It's just that, Urgh, I hate parties!

	"Hate parties?" Huh? Did I say that aloud? And then I felt
someone sit beside me.

	"Yeah," I said as I faced him. And then it dawned me. This
guy looks familiar.

	He must have sensed my confusion and spoke up, "I'm Jed's brother,
Trent". He held out his hand and shook mine. Wow, they're almost alike.
I mean the face and the built. But I guess Trent is much taller.

	"I'm Jed's friend, Edo."

	"So I finally met the Edo my brother's been talking about."
Jed's been talking about me? "Well, if your wondering where he is,
he's over there with some girl."

	I watched as Trent pointed out to the pool. Yup, it's Pat all
right. They're both at the edge of the pool and it looks like they're
in deep conversation. I watched as Pat's hands suddenly take Jed's.
And at that moment, my heart kept beating so fast. What's wrong with me?

	"They look good together, don't you agree?"

	It took me awhile to answer that, "Uhhhh, yeah." I quickly looked
the opposite way and just stared at the trees in front of me. That's
it Edo, the trees. Concentrate on the trees. Damn trees! I felt my left
hand stir and in one shot, I gulped down the wine I was holding.

	"So Edo, do you have someone special in your life right now?"
Well, that question caught me off guard.

	"Uh... uhh... no... nope."

	"Well, good for you. To be honest, I've never been the fan of
something like that. I've never really felt, you know, that thing."

	"Love?" I blurted out.

	"Yeah, the big L. Look, it's not that I'm afraid of it or anything,
but you'd agree with me if I said that it sucks, right?" Huh?

	"Uh... I don't know."

	"Well, believe it or not pretty boy, someday, sometime you're
going to meet someone that you really, I mean really fell bad for. Then
you start believing that that person feels the same way. But then you
wake up, with a slap from reality that says 'it's over, get on with your
life, that person loves somebody else'. So you see, I've given up that
big L along time ago. And look what it did to me. I never again felt
rejection or pain or the hopes of being madly falling. I've learn to
accept who I am and be myself without restrictions..." And he goes on
and on.

	Wow, suddenly a light bulb appeared in my head. As all the words
kept sinking in, I felt that he's right. He's so right. I mean there's
no point in falling in love with Jed. Nor falling in love is ever an option.
Because... because well, I'm gay. And whenever I'll fall over a guy,
I'll think that what's best for him isn't me but somebody else. Somebody
straight.

	And when I was about to say something, I felt his head fall on my
shoulder. I looked at him and saw his eyes closed. Oh gee, I thought he
was for real. I guess the alcohol just set him off. Maybe I should leave
now before I doze off too. I carefully slip my arms around Trent to
straighten him out. And then as I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps
from behind us.
	"Oh, how romantic, look at those two by the garden. Aren't they cute?"

***

	I'm glad that was over. I spent half the time dodging everyone
in
the party and saying goodbye to Jed's uncle. Well, Jed was still with
Pat
and I didn't want to disturb them. So here I am at the front door of grams'
house. And just when I thought the night wouldn't end, grams greeted me
with a worried face.

	"Grams what's wrong?" I asked her.

	"It's Jarrod. He's been sitting at the lake for hours. He came here
early to talk to you and I said you were at a party. I'm worried Edo, he
looks so depressed."

	"Grams, it's alright. I'll go talk to him now." So I pushed the
door to our backyard to and went by the lake. And soon I saw a silhouette
sitting at the edge of our log, I knew it was Jarrod.

	I smiled when I remembered how Jarrod used to come here whenever
he wants to see me at night. He'll then sneak up to me while I keep on
looking for him. And when I turn around, he'll be pinning me down and
tickling me until I say 'Jarrod is the most pretty boy I've ever met'.
Well, I usually give up every time he does that but I can't understand
why he keeps on doing those things. Oh, how I miss those days.

	"Do you remember the times when we use to hang around this tree
whenever it gets dark?" Jarrod asked.

	I looked at him point blank, "Jarrod, what are you doing here?"

	"And I'd come around and sneak up on you. You should have seen
yourself laugh at those moments. It was so genuine and so priceless.
And I'd tickle you to no end until you say..."

	"Jarrod is the most pretty boy I ever met," I cut him off.

	"You remember? We where like what? six? Eight?"

	"Seven. You started doing that on my seventh birthday. While
I was busy hiding from the party, you come along and have this freakish
idea to go skinny-dipping. And I refused and then you started that
tickling session and I guess that's it."

	"Yeah. I guess that's it." And then for a second there, we
just looked at the smooth curves of the water in front of us.

	"Jarrod..." I whispered.

	"Edo, I'm not here to fight. I... I came because... um, I want
to talk to you about something."

	"I know, Pat's doing all right..."

	"This has nothing to do with Pat. It's about you."

	"Oh..." I said confused.

	"Look Edo, I know I have been a dip shit to you. And I know
that every time you're around, I go angry and I start blaming you for
everything." And he breathed, "This is so hard for me."

	Then for a second there, I smiled. "I know Jarrod. We've known
each other way back. And I know that's it's so hard for you to say
sorry. Well, Jarrod it's over. Some things are meant to be left behind.
But you know what, I understand. I understand that the only constant
thing in this world is change. And I'm just part of that change in your
life. I'm just a phase, a time, a memory."

	"Is that what you think?" Then Jarrod laughed, "All my life,
I've been searching for this person who could make me laugh, who
could share my joys and moments of pain, who I could just feel connected
to with every bit of my soul. And then you left and I realized, I was
looking at the wrong direction."

	And at that moment I felt very irritated, "Look, Jarrod, why
are you here? What's this all about? You want to say sorry, I accepted
you apology. What more do you want from me?"

	Jarrod's eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He was looking straight
at me as if trying to find some answers. "You really don't know, do you?
Well... here." And at that time, I saw white letter that came out of his
hand. "It's a letter from a boy who loves another boy, who's about to
leave him behind. And you know, the funny thing is, it's not because
he's gay but because he can't tell it straight to him."

	Then I felt my mouth begin to speak, "Well maybe because he's
afraid."

	"Afraid that he will be rejected or afraid that the person he
loves feels the same way?"

	"Both. Maybe for years he's been so confused with his emotions
and now all he wants is for him to know that he loves him. Maybe he's
afraid because he doesn't want to share his pain to another. Or maybe
because he's just... afraid."

	"Are you afraid Edo?"

	This time my heart was beating so fast, "Every time."

	And then we stared again at the flowing water. "Edo, sometimes
I wonder where our friendship will lead to. Sometimes I feel we're so
alike and so connected. And then sometimes I feel that you're miles
apart. I don't know where the boat will lead us but I guess every path
has its end. I just came here because I want to tell you personally
that I'm... that I'm leaving."

	Leaving? Who's leaving? He can't leave! NO!

	I felt like the world has turned upside down. And then it hit
me. The signs. The time where Jed said the exact words Jarrod spoke.
And the dreams I've been having! God! It wasn't about Jed. It was all
about Jarrod. I was just too obsessed with Jed that I became blind to
Jarrod. Urgh!

	"You can't leave. Um, you're whole life is here. You're family
is here. You're friends are going to miss you. Pat and Jed are going to
miss you. I... I'm going to miss you."

	Jarrod then held my hand, "Edo, my heart maybe here. But my
life is somewhere else. I have been accepted for a football scholarship
at Australia. You know I've always wanted to be on the field. They say
if I do well enough I could play professional football. And well, this
is my dream Edo, my chance. For the first time in my life, I've actually
found something I could hold onto."

	Now I felt what's it like to be on the other side. How it feels
like to be left behind. Why is this happening to me? What could I say?

	"I hate you." I said bluntly.

	"I know I've been there."

	"Are you doing this because..."

	"No, it was my decision. And I said it was my dream. I just want
to say goodbye to you before I leave." And then he took my hand and said,
"This is for you Edo. I know that when I'm gone, when I'm not around
every time you're afraid, I want you to hold this tight and remember
me. I want you to know that no matter what; I'll be always here to give
you all the courage you need. So that someday, somehow, you can say to
the person you love the most that you're not afraid to love them." I
opened my hand and was surprised. It was a locket that has my initials
on it.

	This time I was crying my heart out. And Jarrod just hugged me
at that moment. He was telling me that it was going to be all right.
But it isn't. Jarrod's gone. The first person I fell for is going to
leave me.

	Suddenly I remembered what Trent said to me earlier. Love sucks.
And now, I feel like I won't love anyone else anymore.

***
Okay, people. Mushy ending there. But I need this part so I can wrap
things up with Edo and Jarrod. I hope I didn't disappoint you! So again
to all those who emailed me and said that they loved the story. Keep it
coming guys! So stay cool ya al'! Peace!

*afterglow