Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2012 10:48:43 -0500
From: Chris Owens <a.saxon1122@gmail.com>
Subject: Stronger Than He Knows - chapter 4; gay male/high school

I laid on my bed thinking of the events of the last two days. I became sad
and a little jealous that Tyler was spending the night with John instead of
me. I was feeling things I'd never felt before and it scared me. Was I gay?
I asked myself or was it just teenage boys having fun together? I was
starting to think I might be especially after all the cute guys I'd noticed
the last few days. I tried to settle my mind down, whether I was gay or
straight, the answers were not going to come to me tonight, what I really
needed was someone I could talk to. I started to think of Joey, my best
friend who'd moved away about 2 years ago. I didn't think of him often
anymore because it made me sad because he was so far away, but this night I
longed to have him next to me; we could talk about anything.

I don't even remember when I fell asleep, all I know is when 7:00 am came
the next morning I was already awake and feeling like shit. My face was
stained with the tears I'd been crying all night. I decided I'd go to the
bathroom and wash my face before anyone noticed. After finishing in the
bathroom, I went back and laid down on my bed. I was there for another hour
or so just staring between the ceiling and the window at the sunshine
filtering in trying hard not to think about the gay question.

Just as I was starting to drift back to sleep there was a knock on my
door. I groaned but said to whoever had knocked to come in. It was Adam. He
was always happy, always smiling. I remember being just like that at this
age but then hormones and becoming a teen changed all that. He jumped on my
bed and into my arms giving me a big hug. He hadn't done that in a while
and if felt good to know he loved his big brother. Adam even kissed me on
the cheek which surprised me a bit but I returned it.

"Good morning David." Adam said sitting back on my legs.

"Good morning Adam." I said back to him.

"Are you ok David?"

"Yeah little bro, I'm ok."

"I know I'm younger than you, but if you ever wanna talk to me, I'm here."

"Thanks Adam. Let's get up and go get some breakfast before we start our
day."

 "There`s a surprise waiting for you downstairs."

"What's that?" I asked Adam cocking an eyebrow.

"You'll just have to come down and see for yourself."

"Alright alright, let's get downstairs."

"We still hanging out today?" He asked me with a crooked smile.

"Absolutely. It's our day to do whatever you want little bro."

He smiled as he got off my legs and I stood up stretching. Adam noticed my
boxer briefs were tenting out and giggled.

"What are you giggling about?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

He was staring, pointing at my crotch.

"David's got a hard-on." Adam said, still giggling.

I began to blush and quickly grabbed for a pair of shorts on the floor and
pulled them on while adjusting myself.

I ruffled his hair and said, "let's get going."

We ran downstairs and into the kitchen and to my amazement our older
brother Alex was in the kitchen talking to our mother.  I was wondering why
he was home until I saw the calendar on the wall said tomorrow was Labor
Day.

"Hey bro." I said with a big smile. I loved my older brother very much and
seeing him home from college for even a day made me forget about my
troubles.

"Hey little man." Alex said to me running his hands through my mop of
hair. We then hugged as our mom told us to sit down.

Mom was finishing cooking while our dad was reading the Sunday morning
newspaper.  He looked up from his paper and said, "good morning boys."

"Morning dad." We said in unison.

We were poking at each other when mom turned around and put three plates
down in front of us.

"Good morning boys." She said with a warm smile. We said good morning back
just as she was putting a plate in front dad.

We tucked in and all ate our breakfast. Alex told us how the first week of
school had gone. He said classes had been okay so far but that some of the
guys in the dorms were douche bags. My father again said how proud he was
that Alex was going to his alma mater. I decided I would ask Alex more
about the guys he's living with in the dorms later.

After breakfast was finished, we swished out our dishes in the sink and
decided we'd head to the park for a bit. Alex and Adam ran upstairs and got
changed into some shorts while I put on a shirt before heading out. As we
were leaving, my father asked if the three of us would like to go fishing
at the lake tomorrow? We looked at each other and all agreed that it'd be
fun.

We grabbed the basketball out of the garage on our way out to the park. We
spent a couple of hours playing a friendly game between the three of us,
taking turns playing two on one and then changing up.

We arrived back at the house just before lunch all sweaty and hot. Mom told
us to go shower before lunch. Only two could at a time, so Adam and I were
first with Alex waiting his turn. Alex asked if he could use my computer
while he waits to check his email and Facebook page. I told him he could.

Adam and I grabbed a towel each while he headed to our parents bathroom and
I headed to the main bathroom.

Alex's POV

I sat in front of David's computer and opened the lid. The first thing that
popped up was the screen asking for the password. David must have forgotten
about it.  I went to the bathroom and knocked. "I'm in the shower," David
screamed back.

"It's just me, Dave, I need your password." I said when I opened the door.

"Oh oops, I forgot, it's Evanescence ."

I closed the door behind and returned to his bedroom, I tapped the spacebar
to bring the log-in screen back up, entered his password and his screen
loaded up. I doubled clicked on the internet browser and was greeted with a
gay porn site popping up. I was kinda shocked at what I saw but also liked
what I saw being that I was bisexual.  I wondered if David had been using
the site because he was gay, curious or whether there was some bug on his
system that had set the site as his homepage.

I went to yahoo and logged into my mail account only to find junk mail
there, so I quickly deleted it and continued on to Facebook. I didn't find
any interesting posts there other than my room mate wanting to party the
following weekend. I sent him a quick response just as David was coming in
with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"It's all yours bro," I heard him say with his back turned away from me. He
was fishing around in his dresser for a clean pair of underwear. Just as I
was about to respond, he dropped his towel revealing his nicely round
bubble butt. I wasn't perving on my little brother but it was a little
shocking considering it'd been years since I'd seen him naked. Little Alex
began to stir and before he noticed, I adjusted myself and headed out the
door saying "thanks," as I went.

The bathroom was still warm since David had only just left, so the shower
warmed up quickly and I hopped in. I decided I would take care of little
Alex since I was feeling horny.  I spent a little extra time in the shower
rubbing my hard-on to its full seven inches until I splashed the wall with
five shots of my white hot cum. I finished showering and remembered to wash
the stall down before shutting it off. I stepped out to dry myself
off. When I finished I went back to David's bedroom to find him sitting at
his computer desk.

David looked up and saw me standing there in a towel. I know he wasn't
perving, but he did seem to like what he saw.

"Like what you see little bro?" I said while flexing and chuckling at him.

"Um, um..." he stammered out.

I walked over to him a put my hand on his shoulder.

"I was only kidding with you bro." As I ruffled my hand through his damp
hair.

He sighed with his face a little flushed.

"Go get dressed Alex and then come back," David told me pointing his finger
towards his door.

"Yes mom," I said to him as I exited the room.

I came back a few minutes later, fully clothed this time and sat down on
the edge of the bed. I was definitely nervous about asking him if he was
gay, but I needed him to know that he wasn't alone.


"Hey David, can we talk?"

"Sure Alex, about what?"

"Well..." I was about to start when there was a knock on the door.

Adam poked his head in the door. "Hey bros, you wanna play some
Playstation?"

"In a little while Adam, I need to talk to David for a little bit."

"Ok," he said leaving the room sulking a bit as he went.

"He'll get over it," we both laughed.

He saw me fidgeting with my hands. I think he could tell I was nervous
about something.  "What is it Alex, you're starting to scare me."

"Um well, I saw something earlier on your computer, something I think we
need to talk about."

I could see that he was getting worked up about what I was going to say
next. It gave me a suspicion that either he thought he was in trouble or my
suspicion that he could be gay were close to the mark.

"David, I'm not angry or upset and you're not in trouble, but I think we
should talk about it."

He gulped looking back at me. He had the deer caught in the headlights look
on his face.

"Wha-what did y-you see Alex?"

"When I opened your browser a gay porn site opened, don't get upset, like I
said you're not going to get into trouble. I thought it may have been some
sort of bug on the system but something in your reaction tells me that
isn't so. It looks like you may need someone to talk to. I know you've not
been close friends with anyone since Joey left a few years ago and I
thought maybe your big bro could come to the rescue."

Tears started to form in his eyes and I knew it was true. He tried to get
up and run but I stopped him and took him in a big deep hug. I stroked his
back in a very soothing manner.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered in between sobs.

"It's okay bro. There's nothing to be sorry for."

After a few minutes we moved over to his bed and sat down and I let him get
it all out before we continued talking.

It was maybe ten or fifteen minutes later when he finally started to calm
down some.

"You can't tell mom and dad, please Alex?" He was pleading with me, it hurt
me to see my brother in this state.

"Of course I won't say anything to them. But at the moment I don't have
anything to tell them, you haven't told me anything. And besides it isn't
my place to tell them. So are you gay?"

"I think so. When Tyler turned up in school at the start of the year, I
hadn't thought of anyone at all, but now all I seem to do is notice how
cute some of the guys are. I don't seem to be doing that with any girls and
I'm scared."

"I know that feeling." I took his face in my hands and said, "I have
something to tell you that may help."

"Ok," he said with a sniffle.

I wiped a tear from his face and squeezed him again before I continued.

"Do you remember Michael?"

"Yeah."

"Well, after Katie and I broke up, I started seeing Michael secretly."

David's eyes started to go wide after I said this.

"H-how? Wh-what?" He said with a confused look on his face.

"After Katie and I broke up, Michael and I spent a lot of time
together. One night I got in a funk about Katie, Michael was consoling
me. I had my head buried in the crook of his neck and he was rubbing my
back gently. The next thing I knew I was feeling his hot breathe on my
neck. I began to get aroused. I looked up into his eyes and all I saw was
love staring back at me. Before I knew what I was doing, our lips met. We
took it slow over the next few weeks while trying to figure out what it
meant. Michael and I decided to start seeing each other in secret. We would
get together when either his or our parents were out. Remember that one
night you heard noises coming from my room?"

He shook his head in agreement.

"We were making love for the first time that night."

His eyes got wide with astonishment.

"A-are you gay Alex?"

"I don't think so. At the moment I think of myself as bisexual, I find both
sexes attractive."

"So now you know my secret. Knowing that I've gone through some of the
confusing thoughts you seem to be having, if you want to talk just
ask. We've got Skye so we don't have to worry about mom's phone bill and
we'll keep each other's secrets?" I asked him.

We did our super secret handshake and sealed the deal with a pinkie swear
and a high five.

"Are you still seeing Michael?"

"Yeah but we don't have any classes together, so I haven't seen him since
school started."

"That sucks. I like Michael."

"I do too." I said chuckling. David chuckled also. It was good to see him
laughing.

"Do you feel better David?"

"Yeah, thanks Alex and thanks for not hating me."

"You're my little bro, I could never hate you no matter what."

We embraced just as there was a knock on the door.

"Are you guys done in there yet, I'm so bored," Adam said through the door
with an exasperated sigh.

I looked at David and he nodded at me.

"Come in Adam, it's ok," I yelled.

Just as he was entering, mom called up to us and said that lunch was ready.

"Come on guys before it gets cold." Mom said.

We headed downstairs and into the kitchen with some playful banter.

"Settle down boys and dig in." Mom said with a smile.

Just as we were starting to eat, there was a knock on the front door.