Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 22:06:45 -0700
From: David Stolowitz <stolowitz@msn.com>
Subject: Sublimation (high school)- chapter 4

Okay, tests are over, and school will be shortly. Sorry guys-I forgot about
nifty for awhile.  Also, I kinda hit a creativity wall so I wanted to make
sure I was writing quality stuff.  Let me know if I've strayed from the
original spirit.

Sublimation- chapter 4

"I don't get it Seth. Seriously, why do you even bother with the guy?"
Carol asked as she walked with Seth up the hill towards their homes. The
two had formed a good friendship over the last month of the summer. Carol
had fretted over the fact that she would be one of the few seniors without
a car to drive to school, but having Seth to walk with had been an
unexpected pleasure to enjoy. Carol admired the boy deeply and his seeming
love for all people. Still, she worried that Seth's optimistic outlook
would get him into trouble one of these days, especially with a prick like
Andy Radke.  "I look at people in a different way, I guess" Seth
replied. "When someone acts that way, I don't get pissed and stick them on
the shit list. Life's too important to waste your time fretting over people
like that. I try to understand what their motivation is- like, is it
something I've done or something else eating them? Something is definitely
eating Andy up."  Carol thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so. But still,
even if that's true, it's no excuse for the way he acts."  "I understand
that," Seth replied. "There's a whole bunch of skills he never learned, but
so far he's just been passed on to the next grade. Unless he learns soon,
he'll end up in real trouble."  "I don't know. Andy seems to me like an
evil kind of guy. He's not worth the effort Seth" Seth shook his head. "I
believe that I can see people for who they really are Carol, and despite
all the crap around the edges, Andy isn't a complete asshole. I don't know
how to explain it... but I've seen another side of him. He's a smothered
candle: hissing, glinting only the faintest light- but the light's not
out. yet. That's why I need to help him; before it's too late."  "Well, you
just be careful you don't get battered by the guy. Seems to me like he
doesn't care about anyone or anything."  "It's the opposite really. He
cares far too much."

***

The dreams had returned for the first time in years. Andy thought that he
had been rid of them for good, but the present events seemed to have jarred
the old wound back into pain.

He was in an arena of sorts, albeit a dark one. Over his head, bolts of
lightening slammed angrily against tortured clouds. Within the grounds of
stone, Andy was locked in a fight for his life with a shadowed figure. They
punched, kicked and wrestled to the death, as a horrible chant echoed from
all around. Andy had experienced the dream so often he knew the ending by
heart. He would gain the upper edge and beat the shadow figure till crimson
blood leaked from its form. The figure would then rise and present him with
a mirror. Andy would look into the mirror with horror and behold his
father. He would shatter the mirror and end the dream, only to hear his
father's laughter teasing him.

But this time, it was different. The mirror appeared and Andy turned
away. Opposite of the shadow was a very faint light. And there, before him,
was Seth. Seth too, held a mirror as well as a patient face. Andy chose to
look into this one, ignoring the taunts from his father. Within Seth's
mirror, Andy saw a young terrified boy, huddling and crying.  Andy reached
out to the boy, and he raised his head. Andy froze in shock: It was the boy
that he had forgotten and abandoned for years, the child that was tortured
for its existence. It was Andy himself.

He awoke to sweat-soaked sheets and pillows strewn across the
room. Breathing a sigh of relief, he rolled out of bed. From the kitchen
across the hall a lamp threw out rays of light inviting him to
investigate. Andy met his grandmother in the kitchen, mixing up some hot
cider- 2 cups to be precise. Usually, her intuition about him was annoying,
but now he found it comforting. "Care for some?" she asked.  "Yeah. hook me
up" he answered. Rachel threw a few spices into the cider, squeezed a bit
of lemon and brought the cups to the table.  "I heard you thrashing around
in there. Thought I told you to take the ladies elsewhere" Andy smiled. "I
wish it was that pleasant a situation" Rachel settled down into a chair and
slowly tested the cider. Assured of its quality, she continued with the
conversation. "We barely talk anymore, you and I" Andy shrugged. "It's not
like I've got anything fascinating to tell ya about. High school stuff-
you'd probably find it boring and childish" Rachel shook her head. "High
school isn't that bad. Sure, I wasn't a prom queen or a cheerleader, but I
have some very good memories of it. It's a place where you get your start
on adult life, so it has its value."  "Perhaps" Andy conceded. "It'll be
over soon enough".  "Well then, make the best of it, eh?" she replied,
sipping the cider. "Taking any neat classes this semester?"  "You're not
gonna believe this- I ended up in choir."  "Really?" Rachel smiled. "At
last, a chance for all that shower talent to be known to the world".
"Gram!" Andy whined. "I'm not that loud."  "I know. Just teasing. So what
scale are you?"  "Baritone" he answered, rememebering how Seth had been
right on. Seth. God, why couldn't he just forget about him?  "Thinking
about somebody? Who is it?" Rachel asked with curiosity.  "This weird guy I
met. Really perplexing" "What's so strange about him?"  "I don't know. Just
his attitude I guess. He just flows with everything like a windmill. I
don't know how he does it. Here I am, finally feeling like I got school
life figured out, and then he comes along and turns things upside down."
"Sounds like you admire him." Rachel concluded.  "No. No way." Andy
exorted.  "Andy, there's nothing wrong with that. Even kings need their
consuls." She could tell that Andy was visibly upset by the situation, but
she wanted to help- for once. "If he's bothering you, then be frank with
him. Put him on your terf and see if you can't figure him out."  "How?" he
asked.  "Well. you could call him up and ask him to join you and your buds
for an activity" Andy considered it. Yes- it could work. Seth wouldn't try
any of his psychological shit with the guys around. The method behind the
madness was bound to come out.  "Thanks Gram. Good advice. Good cider too."

***

Seth lay awake in his bed, thoughts streaming through his mind and
attempting to sort themselves out. There were many nights that ended up
this way, but it didn't bother him- it was the sign of an engaging, and
therefore healthy life.  "History paper's done. Called Greg about the
lab. I'll finish painting the house tomorrow.  Anything else?". Seth closed
his eyes and utilized a mental technique he had practised for years to
bring objects of concern to the front. Andy was all that came to mind

Seth flashed his mind through scenes of him, trying to figure him out. Andy
was so diffucult to gauge- one minute he was cold, the next soft. His aura
was of pain and fear, but underlying it was innocence, a boy defending his
backyard fort. Andy was full of energy, yet he was careless with
it. Despite it all, he was strong, alluring, cocky, and sexy. A real
character- one totally unlike anyone Seth had ever known.

"Are you the reason I came here?" he questioned, wondering if Andy would
ever hear him out. "I'm going out on a limb, and I don't know if I'm right
about you. An awful risk."

He reached out his hand out like Adam in the Sistine Chapel, longing inside
to grasp the boy in his arms, to show him that there was someone who
cared. His hands moved in mime to feel the contours of Andy's
body. Powerful. Thick. Erotic.

He stopped himself, as he always did before the act, to question the
morality of it. Seth believed that it was dangerous to fantasize about
someone if you knew you couldn't have them. And yet, Andy's signals were
just mixed enough, that he felt it was safe.

His hand moved down to his groin and summoned up his desires. Seth massaged
his shaft, transforming his manhood from a small link to a heavy slab of
meat. His cock was captivating to behold- a wide handle that bulged with a
thick vein and leaked juice from a deep slit. Each press and grab brought
wonderous sensations as he first stripped, then engaged Andy in his
mind. Seth explored every muscle and orifice mentally, with hands, mouth
and dick. Andy would have felt so wonderful- so strong, so powerful, so
hungry.  Seth visualized Andy squeezing his flesh, deep mouthing him,
coiling his tongue around Seth's.

Seth increased his tempo, his mind flashing as a strobe-light. Andy's
fantastic expressions and vigor matched. The world blended and ebbed as
chemistry worked its magic upon him. At last, he joined completely with the
dream of Andy, and fireworks went off in his body. Seth came in great
loads, more than he had in years as he later realized. But as usual, the
orgasm was all too brief, and the reality all too cruel. Andy dissapeared
and Seth was alone once more.

The emptiness always was the worst part, and as usual, despite the intial
feelings, Seth came to regret the masturbation. He feared that now,
perhaps, his hormones might cloud his behavior and judgement. He whispered
out his window as he got up to clean up the mess.  "I don't want to be
alone anymore. Please Andy, don't leave me hanging"

Seth cleansed and returned to his bed. He would not sleep for another hour.