Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2010 14:39:50 -0800
From: David Courson <dsc110875@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Boy Who Cried Sapphire Tears - Part 4
Jarrod, Vann, and George. I know it's feels repetitive, but what I say is
very true. Without you guys, I know the story would have a lot more
mistakes in it. When I'm in a hurry and misspell words or use the wrong
word like feel instead of fell, you guys catch it, and I am glad, otherwise
I would sound kinda stupid. LOL. You guys are very important to me and I
do appreciate you all very much.
To the readers, thank you, as always, for your support. After every
chapter I usually get a lot of emails telling me what you thought about the
chapter, or just telling me how much you love my story. You are the reason
I keep doing this. The reason I keep thinking of what I can do for Todd
and Blake. I love the feeling those emails bring and that's what keeps me
going till the next chapter is done. Thank you all so much.
I recently cleaned out my QB mailing list, and if you didn't get an email
this time and you normally do, I have taken you off the list because you
didn't respond to my email clean up letter. If you want to be placed back
on the list, please send me a quick email saying something like "Add me
back, please" and it shall be done. Because of the amount of people I have
in my list, it takes me two days to email everyone from my hotmail account
because I can only email 300 a day. I didn't remove you because I didn't
want you in my email anymore. I removed you because you didn't respond to
my email and you might be on my Facebook page or the fan page.
I hope everyone enjoys this installment of Blake and Todd.
The Boy Who Cried Sapphire Tears -- Part 4
Blake wiped his nose and smiled at Todd and gave a small laugh. "I
can't believe you're here," he said to Todd with a smile.
Todd was still a bit upset, but tried not to show it in front of the
others and asked, "Can we take a walk?"
"Sure," Blake said a little flustered, then looked back at the table
and put up one finger to let them know he'd be back soon.
Mama nodded then got the table's attention off the two boys. Blake
motioned for them to walk past the barn into the open fields. They walked
in silence for a while and Blake was starting to get uncomfortable. There
was tension between them and he could feel Todd was still angry.
"How's mom and dad?" Blake asked, trying to displace some of the
tension.
"They're fine. Nothing new," Todd said, keeping his eyes forward.
"Kelly and Howie?" Blake inquired.
"Fine. They announced their engagement," Todd replied.
"That's great. Have they set a date?" Blake asked, pleased.
"No," Todd said, flatly.
Blake knew that Todd was intentionally making this difficult and he
couldn't blame him. They both fell silent again and kept walking. After a
short while later, with the barn growing smaller on the horizon by the
moment, Blake asked the one question he knew would start what needed to be
said.
"So, why'd you come to Montana?"
Todd stopped dead in his tracks and Blake took two more steps before
he stopped. He turned to face Todd and the dam broke.
"Why did I come to Montana?" he repeated the question, sarcastically.
"That's a tough question. I don't have any reason to come here, really.
My boyfriend ran away and came to Montana, but then again, he said he had a
good reason to leave me." Getting serious, he asked, "Why the hell do you
think I came here, Blake?"
"Okay, you're still angry," Blake said, stating the obvious.
"What am I supposed to be? You left me a note telling me you needed
to leave. You couldn't even talk to me. What the hell? For the past
month, I've felt hollow inside," he said, putting his hand on his chest.
"I kept thinking it was something I did. Kept thinking that I hurt you in
some way to make you leave me."
Blake was shaking his head, frantically, and said, "It wasn't you, I
swear it. I just...got tired of what was going on. I got tired of my
routine. I was getting depressed without you around."
"So, instead, you throw me into a depression because you couldn't
make one phone call to explain all this to me?" There was a pause, for
Blake didn't know what to say, then Todd continued. "Right after I read
your note, I threw it away, along with the rings. They didn't mean
anything if you left yours behind."
"I explained why I left the ring. I told you..."
Todd cut him off saying, "I know what you told me and I tried to move
on. I even went out on a date. I had the chance to move on, permanently,
but all I could think about was you."
Hearing this, Blake's heart broke even more.
"Zack likes me and I like Zack, but I couldn't get you out of my
head. How is it possible to move on when you can't stop thinking about the
boy you love?" Todd asked.
Blake stayed silent, and Todd started walking again. When Blake
caught up, Todd said, "Just tell me why. Why did you leave me?"
"I told you..."
Todd cut him off again, and stopped in place. "I know, your routine.
Fuck the routine and tell me what was so awful that you had to leave?"
Blake was afraid to tell his real reason for leaving, for only in his
head, had he told himself the truth. He kept quiet, and hoped Todd would
let it drop.
"Can't even give me an answer, huh? That's just great, Blake.
Fucking great. You leave me with a note and your ring and you take off for
Montana. Not even trusting me enough to tell me the real reason you left."
Blake tried to say the words, but they were barely audible, and it
still wasn't the truth.
"What was that?" Todd asked. "I didn't hear you."
"I was scared, okay?" Blake said louder.
"Of what? Of the love we had? Of seeing me? Of what? What could
scare you so much you ran 2500 miles away?"
"Of becoming a househusband," Blake said, his voice raised. "Waiting
for you on your schedule; not having my own adventures like you're having
in New York. Not meeting new people, having new friends. Well, I finally
got that. I am living an adventure right now. It might not be a lot to
some people, but it's a lot to me."
"In other words, you're afraid to commit to me?" Todd said.
"No," Blake said, his voice a little softer now. "I love you, Todd.
I really do, with all my heart, but I didn't want us to get settled down
together and me look back on my life and regret not having my own
adventure. My own experiences. Can you not see what I mean? You're off
in New York, meeting new people, seeing new things, while I'm in Atlanta,
doing the same thing, day in and day out.
"Was it supposed to be the same when you got home? See you, hang out
with you, go to work, gym, dinner, then bed? Same thing day in and day
out, only to watch you leave again, while I did the same thing over and
over? How is that fair?"
Todd kept quiet for a moment, then moved on, ignoring the question.
"What kills me is the fact that you didn't love me enough, didn't trust me
enough to call me and tell me."
Blake was growing defiant and said, "Todd, I know you too well. You
would have talked me out of it, no doubt, thinking only of yourself,
wanting to see me. You would have run a guilt trip on me to get me to stay
so you could see me, where you would talk me out of it, at least, until you
left for college again. I left the way I did so I could be in control of
my life. So I could be the one who called the shots. And," Blake said,
looking Todd square in the eyes, "Nowhere in that letter did I ever say
that I didn't love you. In fact, I told you that this was the most
difficult thing I ever had to do because I loved you so much."
Todd remained silent, remembering his mother had said the same thing.
All he could hear was her voice in his head saying, `You would have talked
him out of it.' Todd turned his head and looked out over the grass, waving
in the wind.
"You don't think I would have understood? Is that really how little
you think I am? That I would have thought only about me, and not cared
about what you were feeling? Remember, I was the one willing to give up on
New York because I knew the best thing that ever happened to me was you.
You were the one that told me if I didn't go, you would leave me. That put
me in the worst position possible. Following a dream that I could have
easily let go of to stay with the love of my life, or stay and watch you
walk away."
"Damnit, Todd, I wasn't going to let you give up your dream for me.
You have wanted NYU since you were little. I didn't want you to resent me
later on down the road for causing you to give up on your dream."
"But what if," Todd said, thinking he had finally caught Blake
between a rock and a hard place, "that dream wasn't what I wanted anymore?
What if my new dream was to be with you?"
"We would have plenty of time for that. You told me NYU was in the
plans for you since forever. How was I to know that it wasn't your dream
anymore? You never told me that." Blake said, looking at Todd.
"I wanted to stay in Georgia, just to be with you, but you said no.
You forced me to go. I'm happy that you did because I love New York, but I
would have given it all up and even gone to a community college if I knew
that you and I would have been together. I don't believe the story about
your life getting boring; that you wanted your own adventure. I think
there's more that you're not telling me."
Blake felt as if Todd was reading his mind. He knew, that any
moment, the truth would come out.
"I think you made up an excuse to hide the real reason you left. I
think..."
"IT WAS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT!!!!" Blake yelled, cutting Todd off,
voice even louder than before, his hands balled into fists.
Todd was taken aback at the volume of Blake's statement, but asked,
"What was harder?"
"You leaving. You left because I told you to go. I wanted you to
live your dream, but when you left, I was miserable. I wanted to beg you
to come back to Atlanta to go to school, but I couldn't do it. I also
couldn't go through that three more times. I couldn't hurt like that three
more times."
"So, instead, you decided to hurt me. I thought you cared about me.
You were the one who brought this on yourself. You insisted I leave, then
when I come back, you're gone." Todd lowered his voice and said, "Some
boyfriend you are."
Blake's eyes started to well with tears and he lowered his head. He
closed his eyes and squeezed the water from his lids, then opened them to
see Todd turn around. Looking up, he saw Todd start walking back to the
barn.
"Please, Todd," Blake said in a trembling voice. "Don't leave."
Todd stopped walking, and said, without turning around, "Why? You
already left me. I'm just walking away," then after a careful pause, he
put one foot in front of the other and headed up the trail back to his car.
Blake stood there, not being able to move, then finally, the tears
came faster than he realized. He was swaying with emotion and ended up
losing his balance and fell over, sitting in the tall grass, feeling the
wind whip his hair around. He lay back on the grass and pulled himself
into the fetal position and cried harder than he had ever cried before.
Dinner was over and Mama was cleaning up the table when movement
caught his eye. He looked up and saw Todd walking up from the barn, but
didn't see Blake with him. Mama put the plates in his hand back on the
table, then brushed his hands on his jeans, and started toward Todd. When
he met him, he asked, "Is everything okay?"
Todd looked at Oliver, and said, "I don't know."
"Where's Blake?" Mama asked.
"Still out there, I guess," Todd said, looking at his feet.
Mama could tell that whatever happened, it didn't go so well. He
turned and slowly started walking Todd back to his car.
"If I may," Mama said in his southern drawl, "Why did you come
looking for Blake?"
"I wanted to know why he left," Todd said, kicking a rock he saw on
the dirt drive.
"It had nothing to do with love?" Mama asked.
Todd understood the question and said, "Yeah. It did. I just wanted
to stop hurting inside."
"Did you ever think," Mama started, "that maybe the hurt inside is
from love lost?"
Todd looked at Mama when they arrived at his car, and he
continued. "I know you don't really know me, and you don't have to respond,
but in life, as well as love, there are ups and downs you have to go
through. If everything was perfect all the time, life would be boring, and
so would love. Maybe God was testing both of you to see if this love
really is true." Mama paused to let that sink in, then continued after a
few moment. "Don't give up on love just yet with Blake. If it's meant to
be, then it will happen. Don't force it, just...live it."
Todd heard Mama's words and looked at him and smiled and said,
"Thanks."
Changing the subject, Mama asked, "Where are you staying?"
"The Moonlight Inn," Todd replied.
"That's a good place. Ron's a good guy. He owns the motel." Mama
paused for a moment, then had an idea. "If you like, you can stay in one
of our guest rooms so you and Blake can keep working on this."
"Thanks, Mr. West..."
"Mama, please. Everyone calls me Mama."
"Okay. Thanks, Mama, but I think I just need to be somewhere else
for a little while," Todd said.
Mama smiled and looked at Todd and said, "If you change your mind,
the invitation is always open."
Todd gave a genuine smile and said, "Thanks, Mama. It was good
meeting you," he said, putting out his hand to shake Mama's again.
Mama took it and said, "It's been a real pleasure, Todd. I hope to
see you again, soon."
Todd got in his car and Mama watched him drive away. When Todd was
gone, he looked back at the barn, still not seeing Blake anywhere. He went
back to finish clearing off the table, and while washing the dishes, kept
an eye on the hand's house across the drive. It was starting to get dark,
and didn't want Blake stuck in the field. When he finished the dishes,
Mama walked across the way and went to knock on Blake's door, thinking he
might have snuck in without Mama seeing.
After knocking, he didn't get an answer. Mama opened the door, but
Blake was nowhere to be seen. Mama knocked on Jackson's door, and when he
announced for the visitor to come in, Mama asked, "Have you seen Blake?"
Jackson was watching TV and said, "No. I thought he was with Todd."
"Todd left over an hour ago. I think he's still in the field. Will
you help me look for him?"
Jackson agreed he would and threw on a shirt. He and Mama fired up
two of the four ATV's and headed down into the fields. Their headlights
were on, and the sun was dropping out of the sky at a fast pace. Red
clouds were still hanging high in the sky when Jackson found Blake lying in
the grass.
"Found him," he yelled, letting Mama know.
He got off his four-wheeler and went over to Blake. Kneeling down,
he placed one hand on Blake's arm and asked, "Are you okay?" He could tell
that Blake had been crying.
"Yeah," Blake said, weakly.
"C'mon. Let's get you back to your room." He grabbed Blake's hand
and pulled him up as Mama came rolling over.
"You got him?" Mama asked of Jackson.
"Yeah. It's okay," Jackson answered.
He got on the ATV and Blake got on behind him, wrapping his arms
around Jackson and putting his head on Jackson's back. When they got back
at the entrance to the hand's house, Blake got off and thanked Jackson for
coming to get him, then headed inside to his room. When he was there, he
fell on the bed, returning to the fetal position.
A couple of hours later, Mama knocked on Blake's door and woke him.
Before he could say anything, the door cracked and Mama looked in at him.
"You okay, darlin'?" Mama asked.
"I don't know," was Blake's honest reply.
Outside, it had begun raining and he heard the fat drops of water
hitting the roof. It was soothing on every other day this happened, but
tonight, Blake didn't care. He had just lost the love of his life, and he
knew it was his own fault.
Mama came in and sat on the edge of the bed and reached up and moved
Blake's bangs from his forehead. "Love hurts, baby. I know. But you have
to fight for it before it means anything."
He replaced his hand in his lap and looked at Blake.
"But, Todd's right. I brought this on myself. It's all my fault."
"Then go and make it right," Mama said. He handed Blake a piece of
paper with the name and room number of where Todd was staying.
"He probably doesn't want to see me anymore," Blake said, taking the
paper and laying it on the bed.
"There's only one way to find out for sure," Mama said, smiling at
Blake.
He got up and moved to the door and said, "Do something about it,
Blake. If you don't, you'll regret it forever," then slowly closed the
door behind himself as he left.
As Mama got settled next to Papa to watch TV, he saw a beam of light
run across the living room, and knew Blake took his advice. He smiled,
hoping things would work themselves out.
Blake took the road down to the town slowly. His wipers were on
high, but he was still having trouble seeing through the wet windshield.
When he arrived at the town, he turned left on Cotton Ave, then a right on
Redwood Rd and saw his target at the end of the road, near the interstate.
The Inn was the kind of motel that had the rooms facing the outside. You
could pull your car right up to your door, and walk in. When Blake
arrived, he saw Todd's car and then room 118, right in front of it.
He pulled up and parked, having already killed his headlights.
Before he turned off the car, he saw the green glow of the clock read 9:42.
Then it went black. Blake sat there for a few minutes, knowing that either
he would be rejected for good, or be given a second chance. His body
didn't move, for fear it would be the former.
Inside the room, Todd had just fallen asleep, after reliving the
argument with Blake earlier in the day. He got back to his room and fell
upon the bed and thought about everything they had said to each other. He
was so happy to see Blake, but then the hurt came back, full force. He
knew that Blake and his mother were right. He knew that he would have
talked Blake out of leaving, because he wanted to spend time with him.
Was that selfish of him to want to see the man he loved; to want to
spend as much time with him as possible? He reasoned that it wasn't, but
then thought he was being selfish again, to make himself feel better. He
knew Blake was right to say that the relationship had worked on his
schedule, and only his. He loved Blake with all his heart, but he didn't
think hard about how it might affect him. That made him feel worse about
the entire situation.
Todd called home, lying to his mom, telling her that he hadn't
located Blake yet. He wasn't ready to relive what had happened earlier.
After he hung up with her, he turned over in bed and closed his eyes.
A knock at the door caused Todd to open his eyes and look at the
clock. It read 9:57 and wondered who it could be at this hour. He was
only in his underwear and before putting on pants, he looked through the
peephole to see who it was. When he did, he saw it was Blake, dripping
wet, and instantly felt bad about what he had said to him earlier.
He unlocked the dead bolt, pulled off the chain lock and opened the
door. Water was running off Blake's hair and he had the look on his face
that said that he was crying. Todd couldn't differentiate the tears from
the rain, but he knew Blake was upset. Before he could say anything, Bake
started in a shaky voice, "I don't want to lose you. I'll quit tomorrow
and come home. Please, just don't stop loving me. I wouldn't be able to
live if you did."
Todd stood speechless and looked at his boyfriend. He reached out
and grabbed Blake's wrist and pulled him in the room and closed the door.
Without saying a word, Todd walked to the back of the room and got a towel.
When he came back, he threw the towel on the bed and saw Blake shaking. He
didn't know if it was because Blake was cold or scared. He figured it
might have been from both.
Todd grabbed the bottom of Blake's shirt and pulled it up over
Blake's head. Throwing it on the floor, he reached for Blake's belt, then
the clasp of his jeans. Unzipping the jeans, he pulled them down, and told
Blake to step out of them. When they were cleared, he pulled Blake's
underwear down and tossed them aside. Todd grabbed the towel and started
to dry Blake, lovingly, hoping to keep Blake from getting sick. The towel
ran over Blake's skin ever so gently, and Todd actually loved doing it. It
showed that he cared for Blake more than he could be mad at him.
Todd was taking great care and love to dry Blake from the water of
the rain. When he was done, he put the towel over Blake's head and dried
his hair as best he could. When he was completely finished, he walked to
his suitcase, unzipped it and got a pair of basketball shorts and came back
over and helped Blake into them. He stood in front of Blake and took a
small step forward and put his arms around him. Blake, instinctively, put
his arms around Todd and held him close. Todd put his hand on the back of
Blake's head and pulled it down to rest on his shoulder. When it was in
place, he turned so he could kiss the back of Blake's head.
A moment later, he broke the hug and walked over to the bed and
lifted the sheets and said, "Get in, baby,"
Blake flinched hearing the nickname Todd used for him, thinking he
didn't deserve it, but did as Todd suggested. When Blake was down, Todd
pulled the covers up and tucked him in, then picked up Blake's wet clothes
and laid them over the counter in the bathroom so they could dry. When he
came back, he pulled the sheets back and climbed in next to his boyfriend
and turned to face him. As always, Blake was faced away from Todd, and for
a moment, Todd hesitated, wondering if he should hold Blake like he used
to. That thought lasted only a fraction of a second before he maneuvered
his hand between Blake's side and his left arm, and placing his hand
squarely in the middle of Blake's chest.
Blake used his right hand to reach to his chest and hold Todd's hand.
He grabbed Todd's hand between the thumb and index finger and gave it a
squeeze to thank Todd for not turning him away. Todd squeezed back and
Blake closed his eyes. Todd lifted the covers and moved himself close to
Blake, allowing their bodies to touch.
"Get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning," Todd said, then nuzzled
his nose in Blake's still damp hair.
After a night of bare minimum sleep for both boys, they ended up
facing each other and Blake's face was nuzzled between Todd's shoulder and
his face, with Todd's right arm being used as his pillow. Todd was already
awake and could see the sunlight finding any hole it could from the heavy
curtains of the motel room to shine into the room. He had stayed as still
as he could for fear of waking Blake.
Secretly, he was relishing the feeling of Blake's body against his
own. Blake's right hand was draped over Todd's side, and his fingers were
just touching Todd's back. Todd's left arm was lying over his side, and he
could feel Blake's arm under it. The sheets were down about mid-torso, and
the air was comfortable. Todd could hear Blake's breathing in his right
ear and he would close his eyes thinking about so many mornings when Blake
would wake up hearing Todd's breathing in his ear. He smiled to himself
and wanted this to happen for the rest of his life. To wake up to Blake's
warm body and his gentle breathing.
A short while later, he felt Blake beginning to stir. Todd held
still, in case Blake was moving in his sleep, but when he felt Blake pull
his face from under Todd's, he knew he was awake.
Blake pulled back and opened his eyes and pulled his right arm from
Todd's side and rubbed his eyes.
"Mornin'," Todd said, offering a small smile.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to crowd you last night," Blake said, as he
pulled back slightly from Todd.
Todd used his left arm and pulled Blake back close. "If I didn't
like it, I would have pulled away from you."
Blake offered a small smile of his own and put his head back down
next to Todd's. Todd tilted his head up and kissed Blake on his forehead,
then settled back down.
"I guess I need to go let Mama and Papa know that I'll be leaving,"
Blake said, pulling away and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I was thinking about that, Blake," Todd said. Blake turned to look
at him. "Don't quit your job. This is something you want to do, so don't
quit doing it for me."
"If it means picking you or the job, you win, hands down," Blake said
with all sincerity.
Todd lifted his left arm and held it up and said, "Come back here."
Blake lay back with Todd and turned toward him to look into his eyes.
"You were right in saying that..." Todd started, but Blake cut him
off.
"No, you were right to say it was all my fault. I know that, and I
want to make things better for us. I'm tired of wondering what you would
say to me. I'm tired of knowing I might have fucked up the best thing in
my life. I want to go back and make things right," Blake said, staring
into Todd's emerald green eyes.
"But you can't, Blake. What's done is done. Now, let me finish what
I was about to say. You were right in saying that I would have talked you
out of it. I would have, I know it, you know it, and mom knows it. I
didn't think how hard all of this was on you. I knew it would be hard
being away from each other, but I didn't know how hard it would be for you.
"Yeah, I was somewhere doing something new and meeting new people and
that kept me distracted. But you, you had the same routine everyday and
then the next day, I was gone. You had nothing distracting you from the
hurt. From us."
Todd placed his left hand on Blake's cheek and used his thumb to
caress the skin below Blake's left eye, then he continued.
"I guess everything we've done has been on my schedule, but I never
realized it. I probably would have told you to go on your adventure when I
left for school again in the fall, and for that, I feel awful that I would
have been selfish." Todd looked harder into Blake's eyes and asked, "But
it is selfish to want to spend as much time with you as I can?" Todd
looked away, then back, and said, "I love you more than I know how to
describe. Not finding you at home; seeing that note, then seeing your
ring. It broke my heart. I thought you were the one being selfish, but
after hearing what you said, I know it was me who was being selfish."
Todd fell silent for a moment and added, "If you quit your job, I
will be controlling the relationship again."
"So, what are we gonna do?" Blake asked.
"I'm gonna stick around for a while, then I'll go home in about a
month or so, then I'll go back to school," Todd suggested.
"You can't live here for a month. The bill would be outrageous,"
Blake said.
"I won't. Mr. West, I mean, Mama?" Todd asked, raising his voice and
his eyebrows.
"Yeah," Blake said. "That's what we call `em."
"Anyway, Mama offered me a place in one of their guest rooms if I
wanted it. I could tell him that I'd take him up on the offer."
"Or, you could stay with me. I got a double bed and it's not a lot
of room, but I do have some I'm not using," Blake suggested.
"Soon, maybe. Right now, I think we need to go slow again, just to
integrate ourselves back with one another," Todd said.
Blake nodded, then Todd leaned down and planted his lips against
Blake's very softly. There were no tongues used, no passion present. It
was just a simple, lingering, romantic kiss. When Todd pulled away
slightly, he said, "Nothing was your fault. I was angry when I said that.
You did what was right for you, and I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier."
Blake averted his eyes, wanting to say something, but he didn't know what.
"I really do love you Blake. No matter how mad I might get at you,
or how confused I am with you, I'll always love you," Todd said.
"And I'll never stop loving you as long as I live, puppy," Blake
said, using Todd's old nickname.
Todd smiled and said, "God, I've missed that."
They touched lips again and held each other. Before they could break
the kiss, consensually, Blake turned his head and noticed how bright the
room was and started to panic.
"Oh, God. Papa's gonna kill me. He hates it when people are late to
work."
Blake jumped out of bed and ran over to his clothes to find them dry,
but very stiff. He dropped the shorts he had on and stepped into his very
stiff underwear then pulled on his pants. He grabbed his shirt and pulled
it over his head, then he stepped into his still damp shoes and started for
the door.
"I wish I could stay, but I gotta go. Hell, papa might fire me for
this, I don't know," Blake said, looking around to make sure he got
everything.
"What do you want me to do?" Todd asked, standing from the bed.
"Get your things and check out. Come on up to the ranch. I'll let
Mama know you're on your way," Blake said, and then stepped closer to Todd
to give him one last quick kiss before heading out the door.
When he arrived at the ranch, he parked his car and was about to run
inside to his room to change to softer clothes when Papa saw him and called
his name. He froze, hearing the irritation in Papa's voice. Blake turned
to face Papa and saw him walking toward him. When Papa arrived, he said,
"What did I tell you about being late, Blake?"
"I know, sir. I'm sorry, I..."
Mama had opened the screen door and cut Blake off by saying, "Papa,
can I talk to you a minute?"
"In, a minute, Oli. I gotta take care of..."
Mama cut him off by saying, "Norman, can I talk to you for a minute,
now?"
Papa froze, and his voice stopped dead. Blake could see the fear in
his eyes when he heard his real name, and then looked at Blake and said,
"Don't move. I'm not done yet."
Papa turned and walked up to the door and disappeared inside. A few
moments later, Blake was in the same position as he was when Papa left.
Papa walked up to him with a softer demeanor and said, "Mama just informed
me of what happened yesterday and last night. I wasn't aware of this, and
he's ordered me to give you the day off. I protested, of course, but I see
his point. But, I want you back bright and early tomorrow. Understand?"
"Yes, sir. Thanks, Papa. I'm so sorry. I won't happen again,"
Blake said, wanting to hug Papa, but didn't know if physical touch was
allowed.
In a much softer voice, filled with concern, Papa said, "Now go and
fix things with your boyfriend. Love will always be a battle, and you have
to know when to keep fighting."
Blake smiled and said, "Thanks, Papa."
"Good luck, boy," Papa said, winking at him, giving the smallest hint
of a smile, then he promptly turned and walked down to the barn.
Blake felt his day getting better already and walked over to the
screen door and walked inside. When Mama saw him, he smiled and asked,
"So, how did things..." but was cut off by Blake giving him a hug. Mama
smiled and put his hands on Blake's back and held him.
Pulling back, Blake said, "Thanks, Mama. Not just with Papa, but
with telling me to go to Todd."
"Papa, I can handle. He's wrapped around my little finger," Mama
said, lifting up his pinky. "But the other stuff, I can only give advice
for."
"It worked. We aren't a hundred percent, yet, but we're on the way.
I told him I'd quit and go home if he wanted me to. I'd do anything just
as long as he still loved me. He didn't say anything. He undressed me,
dried me off, put me in a pair of his shorts, then put me in the bed and
held me. We talked a little this morning, and we both admitted to being
wrong. Me for leaving like I did, him for controlling the relationship.
It's not him, really, it's his schedule."
"So, what's gonna happen now?" Mama asked, taking a seat on one of
the bar stools.
"He's gonna hang around for a month or so, then head home, spend time
with his parents, then go back to school. And I'm staying put."
"He's not going to stay at the hotel for a month, is he? I offered
him a room here in the house," Mama asked.
"No. He's moving in today, if it's still okay," Blake said.
"Of course it is," Mama said.
"In a week or so, he'll probably move in with me, but we're gonna go
slow. Get acclimated with each other again," Blake explained.
"Good. I'll get his room ready. Not a lot to do." Mama paused then
after a moment asked, "So, while you're working, what's he gonna do? Just
hang around?"
"I don't know. You think Papa could use an extra set of hands around
here?" Blake asked.
"Not sure, darlin'. Before you ask him, why don't you talk to Todd
first? See if he wants to do anything. He might just want to be around
for you. But if he does want to work, I'll be sure to make Papa give him a
job," Mama said with a smile and wink. He lifted his pinky again, then
Blake smiled back.
Blake took another step closer and took Mama in another hug.
"Thanks, again."
"Don't mention it, darlin'. Just make sure you and Todd are here for
breakfast. I'm making pancakes, eggs, toast, bacon, grits and homemade
biscuits with pure cane syrup for dippin'."
"I'm surprised no one around here is fat with your cooking," Blake
said.
"You have seen Papa, right?" Mama asked, then they both laughed.
Todd pulled up right after breakfast was served. Blake had called as
Todd was leaving the hotel, so he waited in the front and told Todd where
to park his car. After parking, he walked up to Blake and Blake stayed
clear of any touching, just in case Todd was still upset. But before they
took too many steps, Todd grabbed Blake's hand and they looked at each
other. When they arrived at the breakfast table under the massive tree,
Blake asked for everyone's attention.
"Everyone, this is Todd Blyth." He looked at Todd and watched his
face for anything unappealing with his next phrase. "He's my boyfriend
from Atlanta."
If Todd was uncomfortable with the word, he never showed it. His
face was planted with one of his trademark smiles and he lifted his hand
and gave everyone a wave. Blake started his introductions of everyone with
Papa and as he was introduced, Todd went over to shake their hands. When
Jackson was introduced, he smiled and gave a warm handshake on the outside,
but on the inside, he felt as if razor blades were tearing him apart. He
had wanted to be with Blake, even love Blake eventually, but with Todd
around, he knew it wasn't even a remote possibility. After shaking Todd's
hands and welcoming him, Todd went off to shake Amy's hand as Jackson
retook his seat, his smile disappearing immediately. It was replaced with
sadness and not one person at the table saw this, except for Mama.
After the introductions were done, Mama told them to sit and get
started with breakfast. Then the questions started.
"How long are you gonna be here?" Amy asked.
"I guess about a month. Then I'll head back to Atlanta, then back to
New York," Todd said, then forked some eggs in his mouth.
"Where are you gonna stay?" Thomas asked.
"Mama's offered me a room for a while," Todd said.
This was the first Papa was hearing of this and he started with,
"Huh, what? Why did I..." but Mama cut him off by flicking his arm with
his finger.
All heads were turned to Papa when he started, but then everyone gave
a snicker at seeing what Mama did. Papa fell silent and Mama said, "You're
welcome to stay as long as you like.
Smiling big, Todd said, "Thank you, both, for letting me stay with
you."
A few more questions were being asked of the new guest, and Todd
graciously answered each one, feeling more involved as the breakfast
progressed. By the time it was over, he got to know a little about each of
the people surrounding him, and what he didn't know, Blake filled him in
over time.
Todd and Blake stayed around to help Mama clear the table while Papa
had retreated back to his office, and the other hands went back to their
work stations.
"Let me take care of this, boys," Mama said, but Todd wouldn't hear
of it.
"No, sir. I'm gonna help. It's the least I could do after this
wonderful feast. And not to mention, letting me stay with you a while,"
Todd said.
"Well, I declare, two southern gentlemen in my very own home. I
never thought I'd see the day," Mama said, bringing out his southern charm.
"How long have you lived in Montana?" Todd asked of Mama.
"About twenty five years, give or take," Mama responded.
"I hear a southern accent. Where are you from?" Todd asked, grabbing
a handful of dishes and following Mama inside. Blake was following close
with his hands full of glasses.
"Originally from Nashville, but I lived all over. I loved to travel
and basically, moved all over this beautiful country. But the south, now,
that's where my roots will always remain. All of my family was born and
raised in Tennessee."
"I thought so," Todd said, smiling. "You can hear the South in you,
clear as a bell."
"Why, thank you," Mama said, then gave a small curtsey.
They finished clearing the table and Mama almost had to push Todd and
Blake out the door so he could wash the dishes. Todd tried to protest, but
Mama told them to go about their day and work on their little problem.
Todd thanked Mama again for a wonderful breakfast, then he and Blake walked
out the side door onto the gravel drive.
"So what, now?" Todd asked.
"I've got to get my shower. Have you taken one yet?" he asked,
looking at Todd.
"Yeah. Back at the motel before I checked out."
"Well, if you let me get a quick shower, I'll help you move what you
have inside," Blake said.
Todd nodded and followed Blake to his room. When he was there, he
looked around and saw that Blake was right. The room was about half the
size of his bedroom at home. But he found it cozy. A lot of room wasn't
needed to make it a home, and that's what Blake had done. He saw a picture
of himself holding Blake, both of them smiling, sitting on the desk next to
Blake's computer. He remembered that day and hoped that very soon things
between them would be just as they were when that picture was taken.
He saw Blake put a towel around his waist then followed him to the
bathroom. When he walked in, he was surprised with the layout and the open
showers. "You shower with everybody?" Todd asked.
"Yeah, well, all the guys. The girls have their own shower down the
hall," Blake said, hanging his towel on the hook under his shelf. He
turned on the water and started washing while he and Todd made small talk.
They avoided any more talk of Blake's leaving or of Todd's arrival. They
knew they would be talking about it more, but right now, they wanted to
keep things light.
As they talked, Todd couldn't help but admire Blake and his body.
Over Christmas, he noticed Blake was getting bigger from his workouts, but
he could have sworn that Blake had put on even more muscle. He watched the
muscles ripple inside their casing of skin and saw Blake flex and move his
body as he washed himself. Todd didn't know how it was possible, but Blake
had become sexier to him than he had ever been in the past.
When Blake was done, he dried himself, wrapped the towel around his
body, then headed to the sink to take care of his teeth. After that, they
walked back to Blake's room and Todd waited while Blake changed. When they
were done, they each grabbed something from Todd's car and walked into the
main house. Mama showed them Todd's room, and they got his things settled.
After they were done, they headed back outside and started walking.
"Now, what?" Blake asked.
"Don't know, really," Todd said.
"What would we usually do when we didn't know what to talk about?"
Blake asked, trying to remember.
"Have sex," Todd said, then flashed a smile at Blake.
"Oh, yeah," Blake said, smiling back. After a few minutes, he said,
"I wish that was an option now. At least it would break the tension."
Todd looked at him, but kept quiet. He wanted to have sex with Blake
so bad, but they needed to get everything out in the open before they had
sex again. If they didn't, the sex would wipe away everything, and Todd
knew he would be moving his things into Blake's room without sleeping one
night in the main house.
"It would be nice," Todd said, aloud. "I'm dying to make love to you
again, but we need to get everything resolved first. Once we've talked
about everything, then we'll get to that point again."
"Why don't we go to Starbucks for some coffee. Then we can talk. We
can't get loud because we'll be in public, but we can talk about
everything," Blake suggested.
"That's a great idea," Todd said, walking up and grabbing Blake's
hand.
Blake turned with Todd and walked to the cars. They chose Blake's
because he knew his way around the little town of Eureka Falls, and the
slightly bigger city of Missoula. About fifteen minutes later and more
small talk, they arrived at Starbucks. After placing their order, Todd
tried to pay, but Blake refused. He paid for both their drinks, then they
walked over to an empty table and sat near the window.
"So, tell me about your boring routines that you had to get out of,"
Todd said, jumping right into the thick of it.
Blake gave a sigh, then did as Todd asked. He told him of that awful
first day after Todd left for school, and how from that day forward, the
pain became more prevalent. He had put on a brave face, Blake explained,
for everyone else, but deep inside, he died a little more every day. He
told Todd about the talk with Kelly, and about the therapist, and how he
finally came around to his decision to leave.
"It was, honestly, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was so
afraid that I was going to lose you, but I had to get away and I knew that
if I saw you, even for an instant, I would have changed my mind," Blake
said, finally finishing his story.
"Mom and dad were behind you all the way. I wasn't, but you know
that. When I came home, I thought you were at work and I was so excited.
But then I read your letter and I felt awful. It felt as if my heart had
torn itself in half. I was so angry that I don't remember crying for
almost a month," Todd said.
"Well, I've cried so much in the past month for both of us," Blake
said, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Well, I ended up at Starbucks at Ansley and while I was there, I met
this guy named Zack. He's the one I mentioned in the field," Todd said.
Blake looked down at his hands, not wanting to hear that name, but
kept quiet so Todd could get said what he wanted.
"He got me interested in a book that he was reading and we just
talked. We got together for dinner a few times and we would usually talk
about you. How much I was hurting, how much I missed you and so forth. He
would always encourage me to hang in there, you would be calling soon.
"And then one time we got together, he invited me to his place and
cooked for me. It was a nice meal and we watched some movies. After that,
he started playing the piano. He sang a song to me, and for a moment, I
forgot about you. I actually think I wanted to at that time."
Blake didn't like this and almost wanted to tell Todd to stop. He
didn't want to know anymore but he allowed Todd to continue.
"Anyway, when he was done with the song, I leaned over and kissed
him. That turned into a make out session and our clothes started to come
off."
"Todd," Blake said, interrupting him, "if you don't mind, I don't
want to hear anymore."
"You have to. I need to tell you everything," Todd said.
"No, really you don't," Blake persisted.
"Just listen. I'm almost done. Anyway, after our shirts were off,
the pants came next and we were both in our underwear. We kept making out
then he slipped down my torso, and was just about to pull my underwear down
when he called your name."
"My name?" Blake said, surprised.
"He saw my tattoo, and when he said your name, I snapped back into
reality and we stopped everything," Todd explained.
`Thank God,' Blake thought.
"I left in a hurry because I was so embarrassed and so angry with
myself for almost going through with it." Todd looked at Blake and saw his
eyes wondering. "Are you okay with this?"
"I have to be. I have no right to be angry with you after what I
did. I'm grateful you didn't go any farther, but if you had, it wouldn't
have been anyone's fault but my own," Blake said.
"Zack and I wanted to sleep together. I was thinking that if I did
something with someone else, then maybe I could stop hurting over you. It
didn't work, even as little as we did. I was pissed at myself, and when I
got home, I took a shower to clean myself I felt so dirty. When I got
done, I saw my reflection and I knew why I felt the way I did. I realized
that I still loved you. After reading your letter, I didn't want to love
you anymore. My actual words were `fuck you, Blake. Fuck you forever',
but that night in the mirror told me I was just lying to myself. I knew I
still loved you and there wasn't anything anyone could do to make me think
otherwise. I knew that I wouldn't have been able to go through with it
even if he hadn't said your name, but thank God he did. I would have hated
myself."
"If anything had happened, it would have been fine. I'm glad it
didn't, but like I said, I would have no right to be angry. In a way, I
pushed you to go as far as you did with him," Blake said, reaching over the
table and putting his hand atop Todd's.
"I know, but I knew I still loved you, I was just angry. I shouldn't
have done anything with Zack. I know he likes me, and I liked him, but
because of you, I just couldn't go through with it," Todd finished.
Blake sat there, but pulled his hand away, forgetting he was in
public.
"I met with Kelly and Howie and Kelly told me it was just a date and
there wasn't anything wrong with it. She kept saying it was you who left,
and if I wanted to go on a date, then so be it. But," Todd added, seeing
Blake's expression, "she told me not to fall in love."
"That proves she does have brains after all," Blake said breaking the
mood. They both chuckled, then got quiet.
"Are we okay, Todd?" Blake asked with all sincerity.
Todd reached over and gave his boyfriend a stroke on the cheek and
said, "Yeah, baby. We're okay."
They stood and tossed their empty cups in the trash on their way out.
Blake drove back towards Eureka Falls, but passed the exit and took Todd
over to a little park a few exits down. When they parked, there were acres
of grass flanking a clear, flowing river.
"Wow, this is nice," Todd said, stepping out of the car.
"Yeah. It used to be a rest area, but they closed it down a while
ago. They leave it open so locals can come and enjoy the park area," Blake
said.
They walked down to the river and Todd sat, pulling his knees up to
his chest. Blake sat next to him, putting his hand on top of Todd's on the
grass. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the river flow over
the rocks.
Breaking the silence, Blake asked, "If we're really okay, then move
in with me, in my room." Todd was about to say something, but Blake
continued. "Not for sex, at least, not now, but I want you to hold me
again, like you did last night. I've missed you for so long, Todd. I want
you close to me."
Todd closed his mouth, and his lips spread to a smile. "Okay, baby.
We'll take it slow on everything else, but I'll move in."
"Good," Blake said, and leaned over and gave Todd a kiss.
They sat there for a little more than an hour, talking, silent,
whatever; just being with each other was all they needed. Todd ended up
lying in the grass, and soon after, Blake put his head on Todd's chest with
his left arm over Todd's torso.
"I'm so sorry about everything, Todd. My very last intention in this
world was to ever hurt you," Blake said, looking past Todd's shoes at the
flowing water.
"I know, baby. Everything's fine. I'm over my anger, and you need
to get over the guilt you're putting yourself through," Todd said, pulling
Blake's shoulder into him.
"I know, but I still feel so bad..."
Todd cut him off saying, "I forgive you, because you needed to do
what you did. I shouldn't have to forgive you for anything, but you're
feeling guilty. I said everything is okay. Please, Blake, don't let this
bother you anymore. Let's just pick back up like we were back home and I
just left college."
Knowing they were completely alone in the park, Blake maneuvered
himself on top of Todd and looked him square in the eye and said, "You're
one hundred percent sure, you forgive me? I mean, completely? If not,
tell me and then punish me."
"If I punish you, you'll enjoy it too much," Todd said, smiling,
trying to break Blake's mood.
"I'm serious, Todd. I need to know," Blake said.
"Yes, I forgive you for everything, just like you forgave me for
hurting you. Remember Paige? I didn't dwell on it, and I don't want you
to, either. Okay?" Todd said, getting serious.
"Okay," Blake said, with a sour face. "I'm gonna feel bad for a
couple of days, and there's nothing you can do about it. I gotta work
through this on my own. Just bear with me, okay?"
Todd ran his fingers through Blake's bangs and said, "Okay, baby.
You do what you need to do."
Blake put his head down on Todd's chest and heard the familiar thump
he had missed for so long and closed his eyes to memorize the rhythm. Todd
placed his hands on Blake's back and started moving them up and down,
massaging the muscles under Blake's shirt. Blake was so comfortable in
Todd's arms again; he wished he could stay like this forever. He knew it
couldn't last, because they were in public and someone could come into the
park at any moment, but in his heart, this was how he saw the both of them,
forever. Holding each other; loving each other until time stopped. He was
lucky that Todd loved him so much that he came after him. He was sure he
had lost Todd forever, and was dreading the day when he thought that was
going to become a reality. Those nights he prayed to God for Todd to
understand obviously didn't go to waste.
In his mind and heart, he gave his thanks to God. `Thank you so much
for bringing him back to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.'
Twenty minutes had passed and Blake was on his way to a nap, when
Todd called his name.
"Hmm" Blake answered, not moving.
"What am I gonna do here for a month?" Todd asked.
Blake lifted his head and said, "I was thinking about that earlier.
I asked Mama if Papa needed an extra set of hands, but he wasn't sure."
"Why do ya'll call him Mama?" Todd queried.
"Because he does the cooking and I guess the cleaning of the main
house. Also, he's the one who actually runs the farm. Papa's just the
muscle. I found that out today," Blake said.
"Well, do you think he could use some help?" Todd wondered.
"I can ask tomorrow, but I don't know if he can pay you the same
wage, if anything at all. He only needs ten of us, and we're all there,"
Blake stated.
"I don't care about the money. Just a place to live, mainly with
you, is all I need."
"We'll tell Papa that. Maybe he could use some free help, in
exchange for you learning to ride horses and use the property. There's
this little stream fed pond surrounded by trees that only the employees
have access to. Mama and Papa have it fenced in. Great little camping
ground. There's a fire pit, too," Blake explained.
"That sounds great," Todd said. "Maybe we could take advantage of it
one weekend you're not working."
"Now that sounds great. You and me in a tent again," Blake said,
smiling at Todd.
Todd winked and Blake put his head back in its original position.
About an hour later, after more small talk, they heard a car come into the
park area, so Blake rolled off Todd and lay next to him. The car came in
and turned around and then left. When they did, Todd sat up and looked,
once again, at the river.
"It's so beautiful out here," Todd said.
"Yeah. It's gorgeous. I can't wait to see it with snow. I don't
think I'll like the feel of it, but I know it will be even better," Blake
said.
Todd turned to look at Blake, then leaned down and kissed him. He
pulled back and looked into Blake's eyes, then leaned in again. He lowered
his body back down, keeping his lips on Blake's the entire time. For the
next fifteen minutes, they kissed and caressed each other, until the sun
was getting lower in the sky.
Staring into Blake's eyes, Todd asked, "How are the cousins?"
Blake was about to answer, when he remembered what happened his last
night there, and he felt sick. He completely forgot about it, and knew he
had to tell Todd. Blake sat up and gave a sigh.
"They're fine. You actually just reminded me of something that
happened with them," Blake said, dreading the next few minutes.
"Oh, yeah, like what?" Todd asked, sitting up next to Blake.
"On my last night there, I caught them having sex. When they saw I
was watching, they asked me to film them," Blake paused and Todd jumped in.
"Really? I bet that was hot," Todd said, smiling big.
"It was, actually, but while I was filming them, something else
happened." Blake took a small pause, then added, "With me."
"Like what?" Todd asked, almost dreading the answer.
"I was standing on the bed, focusing the camera down at the action.
Mark was standing on the floor, pounding Tripp on his back on the bed, and
Tripp reached up and..." It was hard for Blake to admit this, after they
had worked everything out, and things were okay. He was afraid this might
make Todd angry again.
"And?" Todd asked, pushing him along.
"Tripp jerked me off for a few minutes," Blake said, looking down
between his legs at his shoes.
"Okay. Anything else?" Todd asked, no difference in his voice.
"Isn't that enough? I wanted to pull away, but it felt good having
someone touch me again. I mean, you weren't around, and I just got caught
up in the moment," Blake explained.
"So, Tripp jerked you off?" Todd asked for clarification.
"Yeah," Blake said, weakly.
"And you liked it?" Todd asked.
"Yeah," Blake said, feeling even lower.
"Okay," Todd said, surprising Blake.
"Okay, what?" Blake asked, looking at Todd.
"Okay, nothing. Some guy jerked you off. No biggie. Any mouths
used on you?" Todd asked.
"No, just Tripp's hand for about ten minutes. That's all. He
offered to blow me, but I refused," Blake explained.
"That's cool. No harm done," Todd said, again, surprising Blake.
"You're not angry?" Blake asked.
"If it was more, I might be, yeah, but it was just a hand. I don't
care about that. You didn't do anything that hurt me by letting that
happen. Considering what was happening, I can understand why you didn't
pull away. It's okay. I probably would have done the same thing," Todd
said. He smiled at Blake, and bumped him and said, "So, tell me what
happened. I want details," then he playfully rubbed his hands together.
Blake laughed and said, "Why don't we just ask to borrow their tape
and watch it," Blake suggested.
"Great idea. We might get horny enough to not have to wait much
longer before we attack each other," Todd said.
Blake got serious for a moment and said, "Until you're ready to be
with me again, I don't want to push you. I want you right here and now,
but I know you want to go slow."
Todd leaned his body into Blake's and said, "How long do you really
think I'll be able to wait when I get you in your room?"
"Our room, you mean," Blake corrected.
"Our room?" Todd repeated.
"I don't know. Maybe a week?" Blake guessed.
"How about a few hours, at best. I want to make love to you so bad,
I'm hurting," Todd said.
Blake smiled and looked into Todd's emeralds. "I was really hoping
you were going to say that."
Todd leaned in and gave Blake a quick peck before suggesting they
leave the park. Blake called Mark and they were home, just sitting around.
He said he was going to stop by for a minute, but didn't tell them about
Todd. When they arrived at the gate, they were buzzed through, and after
the door was knocked upon, Tripp opened it with a big smile on his face.
"Todd!" he called, and took Todd in a hug.
"Hey, Tripp. How have you been?" Todd asked, smiling.
"Awesome. At least now that the both of you are here," Tripp said,
pulling them inside. "Mark? Look who's here," Tripp called into the
apartment.
Mark came out of his bedroom as Todd came around the corner.
"Oh, my, God," Mark said, and jogged over to Todd and took him in a
hug. "God, it's been so long," Mark said.
"Yeah. Too long," Todd agreed.
Mark gave Blake a hug and they all sat, catching up.
They spent about an hour visiting with Tripp and Mark. After a few
questions, Todd told of his last few months at school and his last month at
home. When that topic was done, it was very close to dinnertime and the
boys asked Blake and Todd to stay. Todd told them they still had a few
more things they had to do before they called it a night. He did offer to
get together soon, since he would be around for a month. They all readily
agreed, and Todd and Blake headed back to the ranch, without the video of
Tripp and Mark.
When they arrived back on the ranch, dinner was done with and Jackson
was already in his room when he heard them drive up. He lowered one of the
blades of the mini blinds and watched them for a moment, before letting the
blade go and lowering his head. Jackson fell on the bed and closed his
eyes. He thought about Blake, how much they had talked. How close they
had become in the last month, and it hurt him to know that Todd was with
him. He had wanted to be with Blake, take him on a real date, get to know
him more intimately, then when the time was right, have them make love all
night long.
As he was thinking that, a tear fell from his eye and ran down his
cheek. It startled him, thinking there was a bug on his face, and when he
swiped it, he looked at his fingers and saw they were wet. In that
instant, his heart broke even further. He lowered his hand over his face
and his sobs came. He let this cry happen. It had been a long while since
he cried over anyone in his life. He had never cried over his parents, for
he hated them, but his last boyfriend, he had let a few tears escape. He
didn't cry because of the beating, nor did he cry because of how he was
treated. He cried only a small amount of tears for the man he met. The
man that he had thought that loved him and how things could have been
different, if his boyfriend wasn't playing a role for the public to see.
He had fallen in love with someone completely different than what he
ended up being. For the man he fell in love with, that's who he cried for.
Now, he was crying for Blake, and he couldn't understand why. He hadn't
known Blake but for a month, and now, that's probably as far as the
relationship would go. There wouldn't be any late night talks, planning
their future together. There wouldn't be any holding of one another while
they slept and making love when they first woke up. There wouldn't be any
love between them at all. That is the reason Jackson shed his tears. Even
though Jackson wouldn't admit it, Blake was the second person in his life
that he had fallen in love with.
Todd and Blake told Mama of their plans and they moved Todd's things
back out of the room Mama had so graciously provided for him. On their
last trip down, Papa saw the commotion and asked what was going on. They
explained and Papa just shook his head in understanding. While they were
there, Blake decided to ask Papa if he could use some extra hands.
"I got all I need for the ranch," Papa said.
"He's not asking to get paid. He's gonna be around for a month, and
he just wants something to do," Blake said.
"Yeah. If you need help with anything, I would be happy to help you
out. I've got a room, I've got money left over from college. Just
something to do so I don't get too bored," Todd added.
Papa brought his fingers up to his chin and thought a moment then
said, "Well, I guess I could use an extra set of hands helping me and
Dwight mend the fences and keep the fields in check."
"Hey, that sounds great," Todd said.
"I won't be able to pay you much, but a hard day's work deserves a
hard day's pay. You got a room, you said you're not hurting for money?"
"No, sir. A friend gave me some money before school and I still have
some left over," Todd explained.
"Nice friend," Papa said, then looked at Blake before looking at Todd
and saying, "A hundred bucks a week. Under the table, of course. Give you
a little spending money while you're here."
"Thank you, Papa, but that's really not necessary," Todd said.
"Nobody is gonna work on our ranch for free," Papa said, looking at
Mama.
Todd was a little taken aback by the forcefulness of Papa's tone, but
said, "Yes, sir. Thank you again," then reached out to shake Papa's hand.
When Papa released it, he said, "Now, you two go on and do what you
gotta do. I wanna spend some quality time with Mama, here," then walked
over and put his arm over Mama's shoulder. Mama, in turn, put his right
arm across Papa's back and his left hand on Papa's massive stomach and
smiled.
Todd and Blake bid them a quick farewell, then headed back to their
room. When they arrived, they put Todd's things away, and fell on the bed.
They made some small talk for a few minutes, then Blake suggested dinner,
since they had missed it there on the farm. They decided on something real
informal, because Blake had to get to bed as soon as he could because he
had to work on Thursday. They decided on a quick, local diner in Missoula,
then headed back home.
When they did, Blake told Todd he needed to get to bed, and then told
him of his work schedule.
"Do you think I need to get up that early too?" Todd asked, not
caring one way or the other.
"I don't know. I really don't see Papa until breakfast. You might
want to tomorrow, then ask when he and Dwight start work," Blake said, then
added, "Unless you want to interrupt their quality time and ask now."
Todd looked at the wall, like he was looking through it at the main
house and said, "No, I'll wait until tomorrow. For some reason, I feel as
if I don't want to make Papa angry."
"From what I've heard, he's a big ole teddy bear," Blake said,
stripping down to his underwear.
"I just wonder if he has the claws to match," Todd said, looking back
at Blake. "You sleep in your underwear now?"
"No, but I figured this would help us not be so tempted until the
time was right," Blake said a little sheepishly.
Todd looked at him, then said, "You're probably right. If I see you
naked, I might lunge for you, then you won't get any sleep."
Blake smiled and reached out his hand for Todd. Todd took it and
Blake slowly started pulling Todd around the bed. "Hold me," Blake said in
a voice that was barely audible.
Todd put his hand on Blake's head and smiled. Blake lay on the bed
and moved over and let Todd get in next to him and Todd told him to turn
over. Blake did, and within a minute, they were in their usual position.
Over the next few days, things between them started to feel like it
had before Todd left for school. They worked during the day, then at
night, they hardly paid attention to anyone else but each other. Every
night, they remained in their underwear, for fear their lust would be too
strong to control.
Todd found out he didn't need to start work until nine and Blake was
jealous, though he didn't say anything. Todd fell into the routine with
everyone else, even the shower. He thought it was odd at first, but then
remembered his football days at school, and realized it wasn't really odd
at all. Better than waiting around for use of the shower.
The following weekend was Blake's weekend to work, but Todd had
learned he had every weekend off. He could help the others if he wanted,
but Blake told him to relax, and they would spend more time together when
he was done. Todd didn't argue, and waited until Blake was done before
they had any fun, or just hung out together.
Blake and Jackson had continued their friendship like nothing had
happened. Blake apologized to Jackson for ignoring him over the last few
days, but Jackson said he understood and for Blake not to worry about it.
What Blake didn't know was that every time Blake talked to him, Jackson
felt pain in his chest. He didn't let it show, but he and only he could
feel the pain when he was around Blake.
The following week was Todd's first full week on the ranch, and he
spent his time in the field working with Papa and Dwight, inspecting the
fence. If it needed repairing, that's what they did, and Todd ended up
showing up at the perfect time for their first field cutting. They cut the
field grass twice a season, to store it for winter use. During that week,
Dwight and Papa had their tractors out cutting and raking the grass,
getting it ready for baling. After the bales were formed, that's when
Todd's muscle came in handy. It was usually Papa and Dwight, with the help
of a couple more of the hands loading up the bales on Papa's half sized
flat bed. With Todd helping, they only needed one more hand, leaving the
stables to keep up and not fall behind.
The entire process took four days, and on Friday, they were
completely finished, loading the last twelve bales on the truck, then
bringing it off to the smaller barn for storage. That night, Todd was
sorer than he had been in a long time. At school, he let his workout
routine settle to about once a week, just to keep his body used to the
strain. But working for four days, using his muscles on a nonstop basis,
he was sore.
After dinner and showers that evening, everyone headed back to their
room and Todd started complaining of his back being sore. Blake gave him a
back rub using the lube in the room, seeing how they didn't have anything
else. Todd enjoyed the pressure Blake gave his muscles, and after an hour,
Blake asked him how he was feeling.
"So much better," Todd said, turning his torso to look at Blake,
letting Blake stay seated on his butt.
"I'm glad," Blake said, smiling as he bent over to kiss Todd.
Their kiss only lasted a few seconds, then Blake pull away to look at
Todd's eyes. A moment later, their lips were locked again with passion and
a hunger that only the other could fill. Todd turned his body and pulled
Blake down close and they made out like never before. After almost two
weeks of living together, without touching, and a few months without loving
each other, their passion was flaming brighter than ever. They stripped
the other of his underwear and their bodies mashed together, trying to
become one.
Todd broke their kiss long enough to say, "I want you to make love to
me."
Blake smiled, and kissed Todd again, and started moving down his
torso. Todd caught Blake under the arms and pulled him back up and said,
"I don't think you understand."
Blake looked at him with puzzled eyes and was about to say something,
but Todd said it again.
"I want you," he said, emphasizing the word, "to make love to me."
Blake stared for a moment longer before the sentence made sense to
him. "You want me to make love to you?" he asked for clarification.
"Yes," Todd simply said, kissing Blake again.
"You're completely sure?" Blake asked,
"More sure than I have been about anything else," Todd said, then
pulled Blake back down to connect their lips again.
Unbeknownst to either of them, the little plug in the wall in Blake's
closet, was missing.
To Be Continued...