Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:33:44 -0400
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Bully and the Bullied - Part 11

DISCLAIMER: If you shouldn't be reading this - then don't get caught!  This
is a short story involving boys who are coming-of-age and the things boys
get into, including sexual situations, confused feelings, etc.  It is my
first attempt at fiction, having written only one other series based on my
experiences growing up, titled "Life's Road of Discoveries" (also found on
Nifty in the [Young Friends] section, early 2008).

This series has no basis in truth, whereas all characters and situations
are fictional - any resemblance in real life is purely coincidental.  Based
on an era from the mid-1970', it will spread out over 12-14 chapters (Yeah,
I missed my original estimate of 9-10, as I have some more things that need
to happen before I conclude it.  :o)

It is my sincere hope that those of you who take to this and read it
through will enjoy it.  As always, any feedback is welcome (to
EKidKy@hotmail.com).


The Bully and the Bullied
Part Eleven -- The Fragility of Life
-----------------------------------

    "Wow man! So, this is where you're staying and stuff?" Austin
exclaimed.  When the other boy nodded, he shrugged his shoulders.  "Well,
in a way it's a lot better than before, but..."

    Jeremy wrinkled his nose.  "I know, but it's not so bad for now anyway.
We're looking for somewhere else to move, but so far the ladies haven't
been able to find anything."

    "Really?  That's surprising; I know Dad has all kinds of places listed
down at the office.  I always go in on Saturday mornings and sort and
update the entries and stuff."

    Jeremy grunted.  "Yeah, I remember you telling me that before.  I don't
know man, I think a lot has to do with the cost and stuff.  They aren't,
like, rich or anything."  'Not like your family,' he didn't add, afraid it
might be inappropriate towards his friend.  He knew the Mathews family was
fairly middle-class for this part of the country, and he didn't want to
insult his friend by comparing them to his current family of lower-income
individuals.

    Austin thought about it for a moment, nodding his head in
understanding.  "Hey, I understand, trust me.  We're not as rich as some
people think, though."

    "Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply anything," Jeremy offered.

    "Meh, it's okay.  Say, have they always lived together like this?" he
asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

    "No, just a few months I think.  Linda and Thomas used to live with his
grandparents, but something happened there and they had to leave for some
reason, so Carolyn and Michael took them in."

    Austin was surprised.  "Wow, really?  That's... I dunno, that's cool in
a way.  So they just took them in, and now they took you in too, and gave
you a place to stay."

    "Yeah, pretty much."

    "What about social services and stuff, don't they have some kind of
help or something for you guys? I mean, sorry man, I'm just trying to
help..."

    Jeremy shrugged his shoulders as he sat back on the sofa.  "If it were
just Mike and his Mom, probably, but with Linda bringing in money, too,
it's too much to qualify for anything other than maybe food stamps, but
that's one thing we really don't need much of."  It was true, there never
seemed to be an absence of food in the house.  "I mean, honest, I don't
know - I just know that the social services woman has been here a few times
and told us to keep looking for a place, she would work with us until we
find one.  To tell the truth though, if they don't find anything soon I may
have to go into foster care anyway.  The social worker has a boss that is
getting on her case as it is about me."

    "Really?"

    Jeremy shrugged his shoulders and did not answer.  He had been living
with his new family now for about a month, and had found the whole change
in environment to be stark in contrast to how he had used to live.  In the
time he had been there few moments went by without a flurry of activity of
some sort.  When he wasn't spending time with the other boys after school,
he generally ended up sharing the living room with one or both women of the
house.  That was okay, but it lacked giving him any privacy for himself.

    He could not really complain, however.  During the daytime the school
system had began providing a tutor for him three days a week, usually done
in the mornings before lunch while everyone was gone.  The early afternoons
gave him plenty of solitude to catch up on his school work, which for some
reason or another he attacked with an unusual fervor.  To him it gave him
something to do, and prevented him from drifting off into long periods of
depression or thought over what had happened in his life before.  His tutor
had been patient with him, even kind as he continued to grasp concepts and
topics more quickly than usual.  In fact, one morning the woman remarked to
him how she was surprised to see his work compared to grades he had
received in his former classes.  "You know, from some of the things your
teachers put in your school records, I initially would have thought you
were a difficult student," she said.

   Jeremy remembered how he had blushed.  "I- I haven't been the best
student I guess."

    She looked down at him over her glasses as she sized him up.  "Young
man, I taught for the schools for almost 30 years, plus I put four of my
own children through that system.  I know about good teachers, bad teachers
and the like - and I also know a lot about students and where they come
from in what we used to call 'all walks of life'.  I will admit to you -
when they called on me to do this job, I took one look at your reports and
shook my head, figuring you and I would have a rough road ahead.  However,
I've been here almost 3 weeks now - and I must say you are about the exact
opposite of what I expected.  This work here," she paused, indicating an
essay he had just finished and submitted, "is very well written given your
exposure and level of education, and you should know it.  Most students do
not do half as well, yet not only did you comprehend the material, you have
presented it in an organized and thoughtful way that implies a substantial
amount of intelligence."

    Jeremy was deeply surprised.  Not knowing what to say, he simply
nodded. "Thanks," he said softly.  She was pleased with his work, and
hinted that he might be able to finish out the school year if he kept it
up.  That made him feel good about himself, and thus he spent a good part
of his days of solitude bent to the task of doing his best.

    In the evenings, however, life was much different once everyone came in
from school or work.  It was at this point he discovered that family living
actually meant what it said.  School work and chores were done, supper
fixed and ate together, dishes washed and dried, and TV watched - all in a
shared environment for the most part.  Sometimes games were played, or the
boys would hang out upstairs or outside until the latter hours of the
evening.  Only then did life wind down enough that Jeremy might get back to
his sofa to ponder or relax.  He was generally pretty tired, though, and
unlike the many nights of his previous life, he often fell asleep without
much trouble.

    "The social worker, does she like, get you guys money or anything to
help out?"  Austin asked, bringing Jeremy back to the present while he
plopped down on the other end of the sofa, curling up in the corner and
watching his friend.

   "I guess so," Jeremy replied, shrugging his shoulders. "She told me, or
I guess she told us, that I'm in the system now, so the state would be
sending some money for me soon.  She said it sometimes takes a few weeks
for everything to get through and stuff."

   Austin nodded, quietly observing his friend.  "Cool, at least it will
help then."  He grinned at his friend. "It looks like they feed you pretty
good!"

   It was true, in only the short month he had been here, Jeremy was
beginning to gain weight.  He looked embarrassed before he gently pulled
his knees to his chest and rest his chin upon them.  "Yeah, I guess so.
I've never, like, had as much as what we have here."

    "Well, you never had much to begin with Jermz, so yeah, I think it's
cool.  You always were a skeleton anyways."  He watched his friend grimace
as he shifted uneasily on his hips, trying to find a comfortable position.
"Still, uh, bad?"

    Again Jeremy shrugged his shoulders. "A lot better than it used to be,
I suppose."

    Austin studied the other teen for a moment.  "Can I uh, ask something
sort of personal?"  When Jeremy nodded, he noticed the teen roll his eyes
before settling on himself.  "What?" he asked, now to pretentious to
continue, curious as to the reaction.

    Jeremy wrinkled his nose.  "You're just like Michael and Thomas,
they're always afraid of asking me things."  He looked upon his friend with
tired eyes, but smiled somewhat as he explained.  "It's alright, I mean,
I'm not gonna bite your head off or anything, if there's something you want
to know, just say it.  At least, you can ask me - I don't want to tell
everyone my shit, but you're okay I promise, so just ask."

    Austin nodded.  "Okay, okay, sorry, just - I guess I just don't want to
pry or anything."

    "It's okay, honest. Just ask."

    At first Austin hesitated until he gathered his courage. "How is it
going, like, down there, you know... your healing and stuff?"

    Jeremy snorted, then immediately regretted it.  "It's okay for the most
part I guess."  He thought back over the last month, and once again was
drawn deep into how everything had come to pass.  "I - I still have trouble
like, knowing when to go sometimes, you know, take a piss or something.
Most of the time I do okay, but sometimes it hits me so quick I don't have
enough time to get to the bathroom.  As to the other, they finally took me
off the damn laxatives, so I can pretty much crap without being rushed."

    Austin screwed his face up at that one, but plowed ahead. "Does it hurt
any?" he asked, his voice low and betraying the shyness he was feeling.

    Jeremy looked at his friend.  Anyone else he might have told them by
now to just mind their own business, but he knew Austin's was being
sincere.  'Of course it hurt', he thought, but then again, so much time had
elapsed maybe the other teen thought differently - or just didn't think at
all.  "At first it did a lot.  I mean, as my crap started getting harder
and stuff, it was like trying to pass a bowling ball through something like
a, I dunno, like something no bigger than a water hose I guess.  It hurt
like hell."

    Austin nodded, thoughtfully.  "Sorry man."

    "I don't get constipated or anything like I did but still, it was kind
of rough for a few days."  He hesitated, and then decided to fill his
friend in with more details, trusting him further than the average person
by far. "I'm still not much better than a baby at the moment though.  I
have to wear these big pull-up diapers and thingy's until I can go a week
without messing or peeing in them.  So far I've made it 4 days this week."

    Austin eyes got wide at that before slowly nodding, understanding.  "I
don't pretend to know what you're going through man, but I know it's got to
be some bad shit and stuff, err... no pun intended."

    Jeremy laughed.  "Like I said, at first it was kind of bad, but then
it's gotten better.  I just have to be careful.  If I can go a month
without crapping or pissing myself, then I might can start to feel normal
again."

    "Man, you ARE normal," Austin argued. "Just take your time, that's
all."

    Jeremy grunted.  "If you were stuck in pull-ups man, you might think
diff.  It makes you feel everything BUT normal!"

    Austin laughed, and then bit back his tongue as it hit him how serious
the other teen was.  "Sorry man, I didn't mean..."

    "You worry too much," Jeremy replied, grinning himself.  "It IS funny,
in its own way.  Just umm, don't tell anyone, okay?  I mean Mike and Thomas
and everyone here knows of course, but still..."


    "Tell what?  I don't know anything," the other teen replied with a
grin, and Jeremy knew the trust he offered was well placed.

    They both fell silent for some time before Jeremy sighed.  "Anything
else you wanna know?"

    "I dunno, I guess there are lots of things sometimes, I just, right
now, you know..."

    "Then just ask me."  Seeing the dubious look on the older teen's face,
he sighed again.  "Listen, I really don't care man, if there's something I
don't want to talk about, I'll tell you."

    At that moment Michael entered the room from the stairs, dressed in a
t-shirt and shorts.  "Hey Austin, how's it going?"  Before the other kid
could reply, he turned to Jeremy.  "Don't want to talk about what?" he
asked mischievously.

    Jeremy rolled his eyes as he sat back against the pillows.  "You turd!"
he replied before laughing.  Glancing toward the bigger teen, he explained.
"These guys are worse than my shrink I think, sometimes.  This one is
always trying to get into my head!"

    "Hey, no fair, you know I don't do that!" Michael replied good
naturedly.  He turned and addressed their visitor.  "I just mess with him
sometimes, that's all."  He looked around.  "What, Kev didn't come with
you?"

    "He'll be along in a little bit, Mom is dropping him off after his,
err, appointment," Austin replied.  He did not know if they knew his
brother was still in counseling or not, and thus wanted to be as guarded
about the information as he could.

    "It's cool; Thomas will be back in a few minutes, too.  Maybe the five
of us can do something together!"  Michael looked out the window.  "It's
kind of hot outside, maybe we could like - hey yeah!"  He leaned down
suddenly and whispered into Austin's ear.

    The older teen got a big grin on his face, and then nodded.  "Shit
yeah, that would be pretty cool!"  As Michael plopped down between them,
Austin quickly rose from the couch.  "Where's your phone?" he asked, then
as Michael pointed, he quickly rushed over and began dialing a number.
"I'll see if I can catch Mom before she leaves the house!"  Stepping into
the kitchen he pulled out of earshot, talking low into the receiver.

    Jeremy was amused at the sudden secrecy as they obviously were
conspiring something against him.  "Okay you, what's up?  You planning to
ambush me or something?"

    Michael grinned as Austin returned and gave them both thumbs up before
retaking his seat.  "I'll tell you this much - it has to do with water!
It'll be fun, trust me!"

    Jeremy laughed, taking to the idea because it did seem awfully warm
outside that day.  "Oh, so you're gonna drown me then," he mused. "You and
your fun!" turning to Austin, "You know, these two have been on my case
constantly with their 'fun' as they call it ever since I've been here!
There is like something going on all the time!"

    Austin grinned. He suspected he understood this more than most would,
as he himself had spent a lot of time with his brother in the last several
weeks doing things, keeping the younger Mathews active.  At first, he just
wanted to keep his brother from being alone too much, but as the time
passed, he found there was more to it.  A deep bond was developing between
them, one he had never before understood.  He had always seen his little
brother as a big royal pain, until recent events taught him otherwise.  He
suspected a great deal of recent events was teaching all of them a thing or
two, including his new set of friends before him now.  He wasn't
complaining - spending time with Kevin was giving him something he would
never be able to have again.  "They just like you," he remarked, a grin
splitting his face.

    Michael nodded.  "Yeah, we just like you!"  He picked up a pillow and
threw it at Jeremy as he hurriedly escaped the returning throw.  Laughing,
he ran upstairs and extracted a pair of oversized shorts and the largest
t-shirt he could find from his room before returning.  Walking over, he
grinned at the older teen.  "Okay you, get ready to be stripped!"

    "Ready to be WHAT?" Jeremy replied, laughing.  He sat up as the other
teen guided him to sit on the edge of the sofa, taking care to let the
older teen adjust himself comfortably.  With a little coaxing, Jeremy
removed his shirt and put on the one offered.  When they got done, Michael
helped the teen to his feet.  Austin, looking on, began to feel a little
uncomfortable as he suspected what was about to happen.  Standing, up as
well he shyly addressed the other two.  "I'll um, go out or..."

    Jeremy shook his head.  "No, stay, it's okay.  Nothing special to see
anyway."  He reached out and used the taller teen as a support, grabbing
the other's shoulder as he lifted a leg for Michael, who proceeded to
rapidly remove the sweats the teen was wearing.  Once done removing the
sweats completely, Austin could not help but notice the plastic padding of
the disposables as he steadied his friend, and Michael rapidly got the new
shorts up and in place.

    "Hey, not a bad fit I think," Michael exclaimed as he stepped back and
admired the outfit.  "Prefect!" he added as the front door suddenly opened
and Thomas came rushing in.  "Hey bro!"

    "Hey! What's up?" he replied as his mother came in close behind him.

    With a twinkle in his eye, he and Austin helped Jeremy sit back on the
sofa before he grabbed his best friend and headed into the kitchen.  There
he whispered, filling in both Thomas and his mother on the plan, to which
they both laughed.  Linda wrinkled her nose, smiling approvingly.  "It's
certainly hot enough out there, I say go for it - just be careful with
Jermz."

    Michael nodded.  "I know Mam, we'll take care of him, I promise," he
replied rather loudly, leaning around the woman to see his reaction.  He
saw the other teen roll his eyes before laughing, and they all heard him
talking with Austin. "I think I'm in trouble!"

    Linda laughed as she walked back into the living room.  "Yep, I think
you are, too!"  Addressing all of the boys, she continued. "I'm going to go
back to town for a while then, maybe get us some more groceries.  You boys
be careful, okay?"

    "Sure Mom!" Thomas replied as he raced past her and headed upstairs to
change.  She shook her head, but smiled as she collected her keys and
headed out the door.  From the kitchen Michael called out to Austin to come
help him.  Leaving Jeremy alone, the teen disappeared through the open
doorway.

    Before long Thomas suddenly reappeared.  Dressed similarly in a t-shirt
and shorts he raced through the living room barefooted, before he
disappeared through the open doorway where the others were joined inside.
The whispering that followed was too much for Jeremy, who until now had
been waiting patiently to see what was transpiring.  He grabbed a nearby
cane he had been using off and on for the last couple of weeks and pulled
himself to his feet.  Walking through the doorway, he stopped, now that he
could see the others huddled around the sink.  "What are you guys DOING in
here???"

    He stopped and stared at an assembly of cake pans, bowls and laundry
baskets scattered on the floor and table, filled with a funny assortment of
balloons.  Upon closer inspection, he found the balloons to be filled with
- water?  "Water balloons?  Are you guys crazy!"  he exclaimed, laughing
and crossing to where they stood.  He watched the assembly line as one of
them filled the balloons with water from the faucet, while the other two
tied and put them in 'storage'.

    Michael grinned, looking up at him. "Told ya!" he exclaimed, handing
one of the bombs to Jeremy and motioning to the table.  "Now that you know,
give us a hand!"  Jeremy grunted before joining in.  As he thought about it
more, he grinned wickedly as he caught Michael's eye.  "You ARE crazy, you
know it?"  Then he laughed.  "This is awesome!"  Each of his friends
laughed in response as they concentrated on their efforts.

    It took the group half an hour to finish making the bombs and transport
them outside.  Nearing completion, they suddenly heard a car door slam,
followed by running footsteps.  Around the corner came Austin's brother,
already barefoot and dressed similar to the others.  "Oh wow, great guys,
you waited!" he exclaimed, seeing the stash that had been piled on both
sides of the yard.

    "Bout time you got here squirt!" Austin replied. "Bring me any
clothes?"  In reply, his brother tossed him a bag which he caught in
mid-air before rushing inside.  Within moments he returned and joined the
group.  Five boys now stood together now, contemplating the battle to come,
and waiting to see what Michael had in mind since he initiated the idea to
begin with.

    "Okay, here's what we do."  Michael finally began as he addressed
them. Walked to the center of the yard he dropped a large circular hoop to
the ground. "Each of us has 30 or so bombs stockpiled in all 5 places."  He
indicated each of the five, all roughly equal in distance from the center
where he stood.  "We each take turns throwing a balloon at someone.  If
that person catches it, you can keep it for your own stash and take a step
back if you want, but no farther than where you begin at; if it busts
though and you get wet, then you have to take a step closer to the center.
First person who reaches the center has to then let everyone else drown him
with the water hose!  If no one reaches it, then the closest one when we
get done gets it!"

    Austin laughed. "Man are you gonna get it, Kev!"

    "That's what you think nerd!" Kevin replied as he picked his spot,
followed by the others in turn.  Even Jeremy seemed to like the idea as he
took his position.

    Michael looked out at everyone.  "Okay guys, here goes.  Kev, you take
the first shot, then Thomas, Austin and Jeremz."

    Kevin grinned wickedly as he picked up one of the balloons and prepared
to launch it.  Half-way in stride however, the balloon burst in his hand,
causing the water to dowse him instead.  "Aww, man!"  Everyone laughed, as
he first looked at Michael, and seeing the other teen shrug and point, he
scooted his laundry basket of bombs closer to toward the center and moved
forward.

    The game continued and picked up in pace, each taking turns as had been
instructed.  The air was thick at times with balloons flying once they each
picked a target and let go. Some balloons were caught while others burst
when reaching their targets.  Jeremy quickly seemed to gain a knack for
catching them intact more often than not, and as such had a blast of fun
raining the bombs down on the others from up high.  At first people avoided
him until he started an all out attack against the older Mathew's brother,
wickedly inviting him to bring it on.  The two went at it for a few
minutes, each catching the other's bomb and thus not nearing anywhere
within the rules before they decided to take on other players.

    It was eventually discovered the fun of the game was when people ganged
up on each other, and before long they were laughing hysterically because
suddenly Michael became the target of most everyone else's attack.  To
their surprise, however, he also caught a good many of them and was able to
stay clear of the center circle.  In all the laughter and fun that
followed, the end was nearing just as the bombs were running out.  In the
final moments, both Kevin and Michael were nearing the closest to the
center.  After trying to bombard the other, each fell laughing into the
grass at their feet, soaked through and through as was most everyone else.
Jeremy was close by as well, but had avoided the losing spot even with his
given handicap.  It was he who threw two last balloons at them without
their knowing it, where both exploded on their lower belly.

    The others suddenly converged and let loose what was left of their
arsenal as well, giving both boys a thorough drench in the laughter.  It
was Thomas who then suddenly appeared with the water hose and started
spraying both of them.  Austin, in an attempt to join his brother, slipped
in the wet grass and found himself in the line of fire as well, where he
laughed and soaked as much of the water as the others.  He laughed as he
got up from the slippery ground moments later.  "Give me that thing!"  He
took the hose from Thomas and walked up to his brother who, seeing the
advance attempted to get away.  "Oh no you don't!" Austin cried out,
reaching and snagging the waistband of his brother's shorts.  Holding on,
they pulled back and clear, displaying a full moon to the other guys.

    "Hey, no fair... Lemme go!!!" he cried hysterically, laughing hard.
His attempts to escape were feeble as he knew what was coming, and sure
enough his brother let the water loose on him from the hose. Everyone was
laughing hard at the antics as Kevin suddenly fell to the ground, grabbing
the front of his shorts to keep from being exposed.  "Okay, okay! Sheesh
that's c-cold!"

    Everyone was laughing, that is, except for one.  At the moment no one
took notice that Jeremy had actually dropped back from the group and had
became very still.  He had a funny expression on his face, one that crossed
between uncertainty and surprise.  Confused, he gazed at the others for a
moment before slowly sitting himself down in the shade of an old oak tree.
As he observed each having their fun, his mind raced in other directions
back to a time many, many summers before, and it made him shudder even in
the hot afternoon as he remember other innocent pranks that occurred, and
what had followed them.


    It was Thomas, who first noticed the absent teen, and when he looked
about and found Jeremy sitting by himself off to the side, he left the
group and walked over to join him.  Sitting beside his friend, he watched
the other in the silence, and eventually found the teen was having anything
but fun.  "You okay Jermz?"  When the older boy didn't respond, Thomas
moved closer.  "Hey, Jermz?"

    Suddenly, and without any pretense, Jeremy replied quietly with a hiss
to his voice. "That's so gay."

    Confused, Thomas looked up at the others.  By now Austin was behind
Michael, holding him upright from behind as Kevin - who had by now got to
his feet and taken control of the water hose - sprayed the other boy full
force.  "What is Jermz?"  While they both watched, Kevin suddenly moved up
and stuck the hose inside the front of Michaels shorts, making a stream of
water flow from underneath.  Michael was snorting about how cold it felt,
but laughing hysterically, weak in the older teens arms as everything
continued.  "That?" Thomas asked quietly.

    When Jeremy didn't reply, Thomas was confused.  "Huh? Sorry Jermz, but
- I don't understand.  Why is that so gay?"  When there was still no
answer, he raised his voice.  "Hey guys! Mike, Kev... Aus... Come here,
will ya?"  They all stopped just then and for the first time noticed the
two sitting in the shade.  Turning off the water they strolled over and
joined them.

    "Whats up?" Austin asked, noticing the serious expressions.

    Thomas looked at Jeremy before replying.  "I don't know, but... It's
Jermz."  The older teen was sitting, his eyes now closed as they all
observed him.  "Something's not right... he just sat down here.  When I
come over, he said something about that was being gay or something."

    Michael was startled before he moved over to sit down in front of the
older teen. "Jermz? What's up man?"

    At first Jeremy didn't answer, opening his eyes and staring blankly off
into the distance, but when he brought his gaze to the younger teen, both
boys froze in the moment.  Michael saw confusion and hurt in them, but at
the same time he saw something else - he saw the teen was actually scared.
"Hey, it's okay, talk to us... talk to me.... what's wrong man?"

    The voice was quiet, soothing even, to Jeremy's ears and it did calm
him somewhat.  Jeremy wished yet again he could figure out what it was
about this kid that did that to him.  "That, shoving the water hose down
his butt and... and other places..." Jeremy whispered, coming to terms with
what he was saying.

    Michael thought about it for a moment before it dawned on him what
their friend was saying.  "Sorry man, but... that's not being gay or
anything."  He just shrugged his shoulders.  "That was just, I dunno,
having fun and stuff."

    "Guys don't do that stuff," Jeremy responded, rather forcefully.  "It's
just... not..."

    "Jermz, wait a min, I mean, Kev is my brother, we always horse around
and stuff," Austin interrupted.

    Kevin also leaned forward and added, "Yeah man, he's my brother and
stuff, it's not like he tried to have sex with me or anything, you know?"
As soon as he said it though, he realized immediately that it wasn't
helping, because Jeremy suddenly tensed at the expression as he went rigid.

    Jeremy looked at the younger teen hard, his face taut with the
frustration and anger that was rising within him.  "Shut the fuck up,
asshole! You don't even know-"

    "Hey, hey, calm down!" Again it was Michael reaching out and taking
hold of Jeremy, forcing the other boy to return his attention to him.
"Listen to me - listen to what I'm going to say."  Again, the calmness
acted like a tranquilizer of sorts as Jeremy partially relaxed.  His eyes
still told the younger teen he was angry and scared, but also hoping for
something more.  Having Michael there at that moment held so much weight to
him, so much that Jeremy could not even try to ignore it.  The younger teen
smiled and took a deep breath, then continued in that tone of his, calm and
patient.

    "Jeremy, there is a difference.  I don't know how to explain it to you,
but you got to try and understand, you got to try and meet me at least
half-way.  There is a difference in goofing around, and just being guys.
Like jocks who take showers and stuff after ball games or whatever, in the
showers at school and stuff, or to peeps who change clothes at the public
pools and stuff.  So they get naked and everything, and sometimes horse
around and stuff, but it's not sex or anything.  Even brothers -" he paused
and indicated the two Mathews teens who had sit down next to them all,
listening.  "I mean, two brothers having fun and stuff, they're like flesh
and blood, you know?  You've never had much of that I guess, because you
never had brothers or anything, and the way you've been the last few years,
well, you know what I mean.  It's not something you go out and do every day
or anything bro, cause yeah, that might be weird and stuff, but heck, it's
just us, you know?  It's not sex, it's not dirty or being mean or anything
- okay, fun-mean maybe, but still, it's just having fun, you know?  I mean,
think about it, some people are shy and some aren't.  Me," he glanced at
Thomas, "I'm shy except around those I really trust and respect and stuff,
and right now - I trust you guys, so I don't really care, you know?"

    "Me too," Thomas added.

    Jeremy looked at the two of them, then shook his head.  "I don't know
guys," he voiced weakly.

    Austin cleared his throat.  "He's right Jermz, there's nothing gay in
it man.  Heck, I've seen Kev naked plenty of times, his scrawny ass is
nothing to look at, trust me!"  That earned a cuff to his arm by his
younger brother, making him exclaim "Ow!"

    "Your ass ain't no piece of art either, turtle butt!"

    Everyone laughed at the exchange except Jeremy, who looked up between
them.  "I don't get it, you guys aren't, like, shy or anything at all, I
know that - but..."

    Austin laughed.  "Hell yeah we are, too, but we're brothers man!  And
it's not like we're at school or something trying to go streaking or
whatever!  Shit, I don't want everyone seeing my family jewels or crap, you
know?" He grinned at everyone in the circle as they all giggled.  "I'm
kinda particular I guess who I would skin with, but I don't think I would
have any problems with you guys.  As for me and Kev, we're brothers; I even
love the dumb nut sometimes!"  He made the last statement rather shyly but
with an overtone in his voice that made Kevin smile in surprise.  A silence
fell across the group, however, as they each waited patiently to see what
Jeremy would say next.

    He sat for a moment before turning to Michael.  "But he, they, I
mean... they put the hose down the front of your shorts, and... you aren't
brothers or anything, I mean..."

    Michael smiled.  "Were the nurses or docs or heck, even us - I mean, my
Mom, me and Thomas... were we your brothers or family or anything helping
take care of you?  Helping you with umm, yeah, you know, stuff..."

    "That's different," Jeremy replied, his eyes rolling finally in
annoyance, embarrassed at having those moments brought out in the open.
His face reddened, but he noticed that neither of the Mathews brothers
reacted to it and it made him feel better for the moment.

    "No, it isn't, really" Michael replied.  He leaned forward.  "So what?
It's not like Kev was trying to get a look at my dick or anything Jermz,
and even if he was I didn't care.  It's only diff that it was all done
while being crazy and having fun and everything.  Besides, like Aus said -
I wouldn't go naked around school, that's just, well, weird; but here I
don't care, cause well, it's just you guys."  He looked at each person
around him.  "It's diff because I trust you guys, all of you."  When he
returned his gaze to Jeremy, he held it an extra long time.  "And that
includes you too, Jeremy."

    Jeremy scoffed.  "I don't want to see your ass man..."

    Michael laughed.  "I know that, goof ball! I'm just saying man, all I'm
saying is I trust you guys, it doesn't bother me any or stuff, that's all."

    Jeremy thought about it for a while, recalling the times he was in
foster care and the games that had went on during most days.  He had been
sickened because of what happened, and he had guessed for a long time it
was because of everything that happened to him most of those nights.  He
was confused, but he noticed that what the younger teen said was making a
lot of sense.  Maybe there really was something to this that wasn't
supposed to be a bad thing after all.

    After a while Austin leaned forward and spoke quietly, breaking into
his thoughts.  "What is it man?  Tell us what you're thinking about Jermz.
Come on, let us help you, talk to us..."

    Jeremy gazed back into the eyes of his friend, and then dropped them to
the ground.  "I can't, I'm afraid."

    Another minute of silence went by as they all sat and waited, unsure of
what to do until Thomas - already sitting next to the teen - reached his
arm around and gave Jeremy a brief hug.  "Do you trust us?" he asked
softly, loud enough for the others to hear.  Jeremy looked up into the
younger boys eyes and found that he did, and he glanced at Austin and his
brother as well.  The hug was unexpected, especially from this kid, but he
had come to live with a lot of unexpected things as of late.

    "Yeah, I do guys, I really do, but it's not easy," he finally admitted
looking back toward the ground.  Taking a deep breath, he plowed on.  "My
Dad isn't the only one who, like, used me.  I was in foster care, a long
time ago.  I was a kid, and... There was, others..."

    Michael, still sitting directly in front of the teen, looked startled.
"They messed with you?  How?"  When Jeremy returned his gaze, Michael could
see it in his eyes.  "They raped you, didn't they."

    Jeremy nodded as his eyes became moist.  "Back then, the guys, they
were always playing games and stuff outside like - like this, trying to do
- things - and it was always so weird and everything.  Like you said, it
was just fun stuff sometimes, but they like, did it all the time, and
then..."  He paused, taking another deep breath before continuing with a
shakiness that betrayed his anger and hurt.  "Then at night, some did more,
a lot more.  There were these two big guys and like, if you wanted to eat
and survive, we had to... I had to..."  He stopped, unable to say anymore.

    "Shit!"  That came from Austin under his breath but nonetheless heard
by everyone within the group.  "Is that, like... man Jermz, you couldn't
have been what, 6? Maybe 7 years old?"  He shook his head as he thought
about it.  "No wonder you've always been so wired up man!"  He stated it as
a fact, and he wasn't the only one who finally understood the significance
of what they were learning.

    Jeremy continued to stare at the ground as he began losing it, the
memories flooding through him.  Austin got up and moved to his other side,
embracing his friend as the others moved in to do the same from all sides.
At first Jeremy just sat there unmoving, but as the moment continued he let
go and began to really cry.  Not one word was said as he finally let the
frustration of it all go.  Only as of late had he ever cried to amount to
anything, and it continually seemed to be with this group of guys which
surrounded him.  Their friendship meant a lot to him at the moment, and as
he began pulling himself together, he recognized just how tight they were
all becoming.

    Michael was the first to break and sit back.  He studied the older teen
as he took a deep breath and wiped his face using the back of his hand.
"Listen to me again Jermz, okay?  You need to hear something."  Getting a
glance from the teen told him he had his attention, so Michael continued.
"I don't know how to tell you what I already did any different, but there
IS a difference.  When you have people around you that you can trust, you
kind of just think what the heck, and you CAN have fun, and there is no
shame or anything in it.  It's sort of like just, I dunno, a boy is a boy
and a girl is a girl.  We're all built the same way, well, sorta anyways."
He had to fight to keep a straight face, thinking about how different he
and Thomas were underneath, glancing briefly at his friend's crotch.
Thomas noticed and ever so subtly leaned against his friend.

    He took a deep breath before continuing in as calm of a voice as he
could.  "Jermz, guys do things sometimes, for a lot of different reasons,
but it's because they want to or agree to or whatever I guess.  When
someone doesn't agree though, that's what makes it wrong.  When you were
little it was even more wrong, because not only did you not want to, but
you were forced into it.  And more worse than any of it, hell, you were a
kid, you know?" He wrinkled his nose.  "Have you told any of this to your
shrink?"

    Jeremy almost laughed at the thought, even in this solemn moment.  True
to Carolyn's word, they HAD found someone much better and more patient for
Jeremy to talk to, but the woman was, well, a woman.  It just wasn't
something he could put into words for her.  "What do you think? I mean,
hell no..." he responded with a half-smile.

    Michael nodded.  "I know what you mean.  Some things are kinda, you
know, just out there and stuff, but some things..."

    Jeremy looked at the younger teen for a moment.  "Do you?  I mean, do
you tell your mom about stuff like that? About sex, or..."

    "Shit, no!" Michael exclaimed, looking shocked.  The reaction garnered
a snicker from some of the others as they noted his abrupt change in
behavior and language. "Are you kidding?! I mean, I love my Mom and stuff,
and I trust her, but... but... she's Mom!"

    "You said it!" Kevin added.  "I couldn't talk to my Mom or Dad about
anything like that either!  Parents and sex do NOT go together, well, you
know..."  He looked up at his brother and smiled, which the other returned
knowingly.  Thomas caught the exchange and smiled inwardly as he too
glanced at Michal and thought about how they seemed able to share anything.

    Michael looked thoughtful for a minute.  "Jermz, can I ask YOU
something?"  When the boy nodded, he hesitated.  "Is this why you never
really, I dunno, kidded around and stuff, you know, always avoided sex and
jokes and - stuff - at school, or..."  He couldn't finish, his words
halting when he saw the answer in the other teens face.

    It wasn't just the teens' expression, but Austin as well drew a sharp
breath as he realized what Michael was saying.  To this moment it had never
occurred to him that despite being the bully he was, Jeremy never succumbed
to that role like most kids did when horsing around in gym class or other
places.  He whistled as it dawned on him just how hard Michael had hit the
nail on the head with that simple question.  Austin thoughts floated back
instantly to so many incidents and recalling how Jeremy had reacted - or
failed to.  So may pieces of the puzzle started falling into place just
then as he focused his attention on his friend.  "No shit man, he's right
isn't he?"  The tone was soft and full of understanding, and Jeremy -
having nowhere else to retreat to - just simply nodded, his eyes downcast
and focused on the ground.

    "I guess so," was the meek reply.

    For all his insights, Michael finally paused.  He was unsure if there
was anything else he could say at this point.  "I don't know man, just, I'm
sorry.  I wish I knew how to make it better, especially for you."  He
looked at his best friend, then took the other boys hand.  "It's not being
gay bro to trust and just let it go.  I'm holding Thomas's hand - not
something I would do in public, mind you, but here - I trust him, I trust
you and I trust them," he nodded indicating the brothers.  "Thomas knows me
though, right?"  As his friend nodded in return, he continued.  "Jermz, the
only thing I know to tell you is that you got to try and let go.  It's
important, I know that, but there isn't anything to take it back, to make
it go away.  Not really anyway, and besides, they forced it on you, you
know?  You didn't believe in them or trust them, and those kids, they did
that shit to you.  Sex is cool though, when it's right, you know?  They
just messed with you the wrong way, that's all.  You can hate them for the
rest of your life I think, but it doesn't mean you have to hate life too.
Loosen up some, believe in yourself."  He stared at the kid, watching him
listen and his reaction.  "Believe in us too, we're your friends.  We're
not gonna let anything happen like that, honest.  If we could take it away
from you, we would, but...  I'm sorry man, I really am sorry."

    "Me too, man," Austin quickly added as did his brother and Thomas.

    Jeremy sat up straighter after a moment and smiled.  His mood was
changing as he seemed to reach inside himself and make a decision for the
better.  He wiped his eyes one final time and finally laughed.  "Okay guys,
okay, I'll stop being a fruitcake."

    Thomas smiled.  "No, you're not being a fruitcake, you're just being
someone who needs a friend right now - and you didn't get just one of us,
you got all four of us."  As the others nodded, he sat up straighter.
"Jermz, you got all four of us man, if you ever need to talk to us, if you
ever trust us enough to talk with us man, about anything at all -"

    "I will, believe me."  He sheepishly looked at the ground for a brief
moment.  "I've kind of, like, I dunno, gotten to love you guys I guess," he
offered, embarrassed and turning red.  "I'm going to owe all of you for a
long time I think."

    Kevin giggled and then launched himself forward, tackling Jeremy onto
his back on the ground.  At once he started tickling Jeremy under the arms,
which caused the older teen to squeal with laughter at not only the action,
but by being caught so unaware by the younger boy.  "Stop!" he hissed
through the laughter, to which the other decided to join in by either
holding Jeremy down or adding to the action.

    Within minutes he was crying hysterically, not from anxiety but instead
tears of joy.  When they finally let up, Kevin was on top of the teen's
chest and smiling down at him.  "Good, now I'm even!

    "Huh?" the teen replied, recuperating beneath him.

    "For banging me up that day in shop."  When it was clear that Jeremy
was unsure how to reply, he continued.  "I guess I love you too, you
asshole, now that I've paid you back for setting me straight."  In a
lowered voice, he leaned in close.  "Thanks man, my life changed too, far
better than what it was, and I owe it to you.  If my bro hadn't found me
that day, I wouldn't be here."  Jeremy smiled back up at the younger teen,
each exchanging something silently with the other before Kevin finally
rolled off and away.

    They all climbed slowly to their feet, each smiling at Jeremy as they
helped him get up off the ground.  Somehow Jeremy felt tons better without
really understanding why, other than just for the fact they had all bonded
even tighter than before.  He was really beginning to learn more about
friendships - real friendships - than he had ever thought possible.  What
startled him the most however - but made it all the more pleasing - was
that boys, guys even, could talk about this stuff, could have feelings and
fears and triumphs all the same, and not be afraid.  He recalled watching
how Thomas and Michael held hands for those few precious seconds, enough to
show the solidarity of their friendship.

    They all set about picking up the yard from the remnants of the
balloons.  To him it felt like a ton of weight had left his shoulders when
they started cutting up and harassing each other good naturedly, forever
changing the mood of the last half-hour or so.  Jeremy grinned, and for
once he felt free when he joined in with them.

    Without even once being afraid.

    - + - + - + -

    When the Mathews brothers arrived home that evening, the first thing
Austin did once changing into dry clothes was to go find his father.  He
found the man sitting in his study, looking through a group of papers
spread across his credenza.  "Well hello son, how was your afternoon?  Did
Kevin behave himself?"

    "Kev did fine Dad, honest - you guys gotta lighten up on him some, you
know? Listen, you got a minute?"

    The elder Mathews pushed his chair back and turned as his son took a
seat next to the desk.  "What's on your mind?"

    "I need some help.  Actually, there are some other people who need some
help, and I was hoping you might be able to give me some ideas or
something..."  He proceeded to tell his father about the afternoon, how the
five people were living in the tiny house, and how so much seemed to be
changed about his best friend - all for the better.  He didn't give any of
the sordid details that had been revealed that afternoon, electing to
privately let their friend keep that with whomever he wanted to share it
with.  He did however, take the time to talk to his father about how
Jeremy's world was changing, and the threat that the family would soon face
if they didn't find somewhere to go soon.

    The elder Mathews looked thoughtful for a moment.  "Well, I'm glad to
hear your friend is doing so much better, I really am.  He has had a rough
way to go."  He smiled.  "He isn't the only one who has changed though."
Seeing his son's confusion, she smiled even broader.  "You know, it's not
every day a father get's to see his own son begin to grow into a young man
with as much empathy as you have, and from what I have seen, your brother
has sure taken a shine to you, too."

    Austin shrugged as he sat back in the chair.  Looking out the window,
he thought about it.  "Everyone deserves a second chance, Dad.  Kevin got
it, and even I got it - things are really different for both of us now, you
know?  Jeremy - he almost never got to have it, and I don't know, I just, I
think they all have it kind of rough sometimes, you know?"  He blushed.
"Okay, so I'm becoming a wuss, at least let me be a good wuss if I have to.
As long as Kev gets better, I don't care - I would give everything I have
for him."

    The elder Mathews laughed before looking down on his son kindly.
"There was a time I felt like warning you son, that your brother would
always be looking up to you, that you would have to set a path for him to
see everything with.  But when you changed, he changed with you, and I have
to tell you I couldn't be more prouder of both my boys than I am now."

    Austin felt a surge of emotion rise within him.  "Kevin's gonna be
alright Dad, I know it - I feel it."

    "You're both going to be just fine.  I know it - because I can feel it,
too."  The man smiled as he reached out and patted his son on the leg
before sitting up and pulling a binder off the corner of his desk.  "Now,
let's see if there isn't something we can do about finding those people a
bigger house..."

    - + - + - + -

    It was Thomas that found Jeremy alone on the front porch later that
night, alone and staring off into the fields.  Michael had just left to
take a shower, thus leaving his friend to wander aimlessly about the house
before going outside.  He walked across the porch and sat down in the swing
next to the older boy.  They both were smiling at each other when he sat
down, and there was definitely more ease between them.  "Hey," Thomas said
in way of greeting, which the other responded in kind.  "What's up? What
you thinking about out here all alone?"

    Jeremy snorted.  "What do you mean all alone?  There ain't much privacy
in this house, you know!"  Thomas thought about that for a second and then
started to get up, but was restrained by the older boy.  "I'm only kidding,
don't go!" as he pulled the other's shirt tail, dragging him playfully back
into the seat beside him.

    Thomas grinned.  "Just being sure," he replied good naturedly.  He
leaned his shoulder up to nudge the older boy and then sat back rocking the
swing slowly.  "So, what gives then?"

    Jeremy returned his gaze to the fields.  "Just thinking about today
some I guess."

    "In a good way, right?"

    "Yeah, in a really good way," Jeremy responded.  "You guys, all of you
were great.  I don't think I could ever be happier with anyone."  He turned
to the younger teen.  "Even you man, you were great too."

    Thomas shrugged.  "I didn't do nothing," he offered, but smiled anyway
as he locked his gaze with the older teen.

    Jeremy shook his head.  "No man, you did a lot.  You and Michael both,
you will never know what you guys do for me, you know?  It's like, I don't
understand it.  Mike, he - see's things, and - and, he's always trying to
help and stuff.  And then there's you and stuff - I still don't understand
sometimes but you and me..."

    Thomas nodded.  "I know what you mean, especially about Michael - he
does things for me too, Jermz.  It's almost like - I dunno."

    "How did you two get so close?" Jeremy inquired.

    Thomas thought about it for a moment.  "Promise you won't get mad or
laugh if I tell you?"  When Jeremy nodded, he continued.  "After the fight,
that day on the bus, I was like, really ready to fall apart.  I'd never
been in a fight before, and things wasn't going so good for me and Mom at
home for a while, with my gramps and all.  I was kind of, I dunno, just
depressed and everything, and then Mike started being there for me, and we
got to be friends.  And then..."

    "And then?" Jeremy softly probed the younger teen when he didn't
continue.

    "And then there was a Sunday a couple months later, just before
Christmas, that I asked Michael if I could do something without him
weirding out or anything on me.  I was really feeling low and stuff and
then I came over here and they were putting up a Christmas tree and
everything, and for a little while I just felt good, I mean really good."

    Jeremy smiled.  "What did you do to not weird him out?"

    Thomas looked away, embarrassed.  "You'll laugh."

    "Better than getting mad, right? Besides, why WOULD I get mad anyway?"

    Thomas looked into his eyes and found amusement there, so he took a
deep breath.  "I wanted to give him a hug, a real hug, so I could let him
really feel something from me, like, a real thanks for making me feel a
whole lot better and everything.  I was afraid a first, that he might, you
know, reject me or something, but - you don't know what it was like Jeremy.
I mean nothing as bad as for you, but I had some rough times still.  Mike,
he just, I can't explain it."

    Jeremy studied that for a moment, and then nodded.  "He's like that, I
know.  I feel it sometimes.  I'm glad you two could be there for each
other.  Your Gramps must have been really bad."  He had been told part of
the story, and he knew he could only imagine what the younger teen must
have been living under.  In a sense to him, Jeremy thought, it must have
been worse, because in that house he at least had a family that loved him
in their own way, and still he had to endure the abuse.

    Thomas observed the older teen.  "That doesn't bother you any?  Me and
Mike, I mean?"

    Jeremy shook his head and stared out into the fields.  "If you had told
me that last night, it might have, but after today, I think I have to start
believing some other stuff now."  He sighed.  "I meant what I said today
Thomas, and I still do.  I love you guys, I don't know why, I just do.
You're like a whole new family for me, but a good family and everything.  I
know what happened between you and me was bad, it's still hard sometimes
for me to believe it, but I'm really sorry for what happened that day."

    "I'm not."

    "Huh?"  Jeremy looked over at the younger teen.

    "I'm not.  I mean, I know what started it now - when I called you a
faggot, right? - but I never knew why.  I was just mouthing off, you had my
notebook, and I didn't want you to find some stuff that was in it, you
know, personal stuff.  Now I know why you went off like a firecracker
though, and I'm not sorry at all."

    "I don't understand, I mean, yeah I was being an asshole and
everything, but I beat the shit out of you-"

    "Shh, keep your voice down, Mom's in the living room!" Thomas hissed,
grinning all the while as he looked to see if she was anywhere nearby.

    Jeremy grunted but lowered his voice.  "I was being an asshole, okay,
but I should never have beat you up like that."

    Thomas shrugged.  "Jermz, look at me.  Do I have anything on my face or
anywhere you can see left from that fight?"  When the older boy scrutinized
him and slowly shook his head, he continued.  "It's been months, and a lot
has changed since then.  I let it go man, because it's done and over with."
He scrunched his nose.  "I don't know, but it seems to me like maybe that's
what you ought to do, too."

    Jeremy thought about it.  "It's just hard."  He gazed and stared out
into the field again.

    "No it isn't," he replied.  "I forgave you a long time ago Jeremy - you
just have to forgive yourself.  Besides man, if it hadn't happened, then -"

    "What?" Jeremy asked as he turned to look back.

    Thomas grinned.  "Then you probably wouldn't be here now.  After
everything you've been through, don't you think its better now than where
you might have been?"

    Jeremy hadn't thought of this before, but without a moment's hesitation
he knew the answer immediately.  "I would have been dead."  Seeing the look
of doubt in the younger teen's face, he shook his head.  "No, I would have
been dead.  Either my Dad would have done it to me, or I probably would
have ended it myself."

    Thomas shook his head.  "Sorry to disappoint you bro, but I doubt you
would have done anything."

    "Why is that?"

    "Because of how hard you fought to keep living after everything that
DID happen.  You were driven to fight it to the end.  That's why you
survived long enough for people to find and help you."

    "I don't think I would have had any strength left in me after a while
Thomas."

    "Maybe not, but you never gave up Jermz."  Thomas tentatively reached
out and placed his hand in the older teen's hand, hooking their fingers
together.  It felt strange to Jeremy, but he didn't object, instead
marveling at the sense of closeness in the contact.  In fact, he giggled
while looking mischievously at the younger teen, who giggled as well.  "We
going steady or something?"

    Thomas laughed.  "No, I'm just trying, you know, trying to show you -
we're guys, but it doesn't mean we're gay or anything.  I trust you."  He
smiled warmly.  "You okay?"

    "Yeah, I guess I am."

    Thomas pulled both their arms up and let them fall, still gripping the
other's hand.  "I know you don't like physical stuff that much, but man -
just try for a little while, okay?"

    Jeremy laughed.  "I know, but I am getting used to it more."  His tone
turned solemn momentarily.  "You have to know though, almost all my life,
the only physical contact I had with anybody was when I had it with HIM.
And you know what he did to me."  He shuddered at the thought, which made
Thomas squeeze their hands harder.

    "I know Jermz, I know, but can I tell you something?  It's not so bad,
honest.  I mean, what your Dad did to you, and those other guys when you
were a kid, I mean, not everyone wants to shove their dick up your butt,
okay?  Sometimes just being held is just, well, sometimes it's meant to
feel good, to make you feel safe and everything.  It does for me, anyway."

    Jeremy closed his eyes, remembering those feelings from a time when his
mother held him.  It was one of the few things he could remember about her
anymore.  "I know," he whispered.  "It's still hard though Thomas, it
really is."

    "I can imagine it, trust me.  Jeremy, I meant what I said today too,
about being sorry it happened to you.  It's awful when someone like that
forces you through stuff, but man, it isn't that way when you know someone,
and when you can feel and trust them and everything."

    Jeremy looked at the teen again.  "You mean, like Michael?"  He glanced
toward the upstairs, suddenly understanding his friend was trying to tell
him something more without the words.  "You guys... do stuff, I guess."

    Thomas nodded, sighing when he saw the message was finally being
received.  "Not like, well, yeah, we do, some stuff.  I'll be honest and
admit it, but..."

    Jeremy nodded his head.  "It's okay, I'm not mad, and I won't make fun
of you.  It's weird though, but... you trust him."

    Thomas watched the other closely before sighing.  "I do.  That's what
we've been trying to tell you; it's just diff when you don't have to be
afraid.  What happens always stays between us, but still, you know?  We
hold each other sometimes, or just lay next to each other and like, I
dunno, comfort each other I guess.  It's a diff world but it's because of
how close we are, you know?"

    Jeremy studied that for a moment.  "I don't think I can ever do that
Thomas."  He looked at the other teen then smiled.  "I mean, I'm glad you
two have each other, but I don't think I'll ever be able to have that with
someone."

    "Yeah you will, I promise.  Just don't be so scared when it comes,
okay?  You don't have to be a sissy.  I promise you, cross my heart, you
will feel a lot better if you just give in and let someone help you feel
safe again.  You don't have to be gay or anything about it, you just have
to realize it's not meant to make you feel uncomfortable or bad or
anything.  Your Dad - he probably what, just always grabbed you and..."

    Jeremy grimaced.  "He always grabbed me from behind, ripped my clothes
off and just started pumping away in me, yeah."

    Thomas cringed at the graphic description, but held his tone and gaze
with the other teen.  "I'm sorry, I really am, but that was your Dad bro -
and trust me, he wasn't like everyone else in the world.  There are people
who care, who care about you -- and I mean really care."  His voice fell to
an almost whisper.  "I wish we could take that stuff with your Dad away for
you."

    Jeremy stared out into the fields, and then smiled as he whispered.
"You and Mike already have."  In the silence that followed he turned back
to see the confusion on the younger boys face.  "If you two trust each
other and get along so well, then it just proves there is something good
about everything you've been telling me."

    Thomas nodded slowly.  "After a while, you'll know it too Jermz - on
the inside.  That's when you'll feel good about it, too."  He wrinkled his
nose.  "You know, in a way, Mike saved me, too.  He saved us both.  I had
to learn to let go of some stuff too, bro, but when I did - it was like a
whole different world for me again, you know?"

    Jeremy smiled then focused on something.  "Can I ask you something
else?  What's with this 'bro' stuff?"

    Thomas giggled.  "If you don't know yet, you'll figure it out Jermz, I
promise."  Thomas had done all he could then and he knew it.  After they
lapsed into another short silence, he finally pulled himself up from the
swing.  They could hear Michael inside talking.  "Mike's out now, I gotta
go get my shower."

    Jeremy grinned at the other when he realized he wasn't going to get an
answer, and then asked sheepishly, "Is this, umm, just between us?"

    "Cross my heart," was the cheerful reply as he turned and disappeared
through the doorway.  Jeremy watched as he disappeared through the door,
wondering once again how he could be so damn lucky lately, but also
beginning to finally believe in the fate that had brought him to this
house, to these friends, and to everything else that had happened.  He
could feel his chest swell inside with happiness, making him feel good in
so many ways.  After this day, he believed maybe for the first time, he
just might be alright after all.

    He watched the younger teen go through the door inside, and then stood
up to follow him.

    - + - + - + -

    Linda blinked rapidly for a moment as she got in the vehicle, the
outside sunlight unusually bright as it reflected off the hood.  She went
ahead and started the engine before digging through her purse and
extracting a pair of sunglasses which she quickly donned.  Thomas opened
the passenger door and joined his mother, fastening his seat belt they
turned around and headed over the rise towards the road.  "Where are we
going, Mom?"

    "Well, Carolyn needs a few things and I volunteered the two of us so we
might get away for a little while.  Is that okay with you?"  She smiled at
him and noted the shrug of his shoulders in acknowledgement as he replied
"Sure."

    They had reached the road when she cleared her throat.  "You think I
could ask you something kiddo?"  When their eyes met, she could see the
annoyance written there, making her laugh.  "Lighten up honey, it's not
like I'm going to lecture you about the birds and the bees or something!"

    "MMMoooommmm!" he exclaimed.  Embarrassed, he rolled his eyes but
quickly retorted good naturedly. "That's okay - I can educate you if you
need to ask me anything!"

    "Whoa!"  Linda started laughing, and the whole demeanor of the moment
caught them both as they howled with laughter for the next minute or so.
"O-Okay wise ass," she finally sputtered through her tears.  Thomas, for
the most part, was surprised to hear his mother use the term with him -
especially in that respect.  Looking at each other, Linda finally reached
an arm around his shoulder and hugged him as they continued toward town.
"I love you, you know," she told him, kissing the top of his forehead
quickly.

    Thomas returned the hug, leaning into his mother.  "I love you, too."
When the moment had passed, he added.  "Okay, so it's not sex - GOOD!
What's up?"

    "Well, Michael's birthday is coming up next weekend, and-"

    "What! Are you sure? No way!" the young teen exclaimed.  In all the
time they had known and been together, not even once had it ever occurred
to him to think about his friend's birthday!

    Linda nodded.  "Yes, I'm sure, and there's more.  Carolyn is sending us
out to get a new model for him, which is why I wanted you to come along and
help me pick one out.  She wants to get him a big one this time so that all
you boys can help put it together.  What do you think?"

    "That's awesome, Mom!" He paused, becoming thoughtful. "Are we going to
get him something, too?"

    Linda grimaced then smiled.  "You don't really think I would stop you
from doing that, do you?"  When she saw her son smile, she continued.
"Honey, I know you two are close, and I'm glad he has been there for you."

    "We're best friends Mom."

    "I know kiddo, I know. You understand though, both of them - I mean,
they both - Michael and Carolyn both are doing a lot for us.  Most people
would not even, I mean-"

    "Give us the time of day, yeah, I know Mom, trust me."

    "Exactly," Linda nodded in agreement.  "I don't know how we're going to
do it, but someday you and me are going to have to find a way to repay them
for their kindness and everything, their friendship, their support."  She
paused as they turned onto the main highway before continuing. "There's
something else I wanted to ask you about, see how you would feel about it."

    "What's that?"

    "Well honey, I'm sorry we lost your sketch pad.  I know you had a lot
of memories and things you wanted to keep in it, and I know you said to not
worry about it.  The truth is, though, I was wondering if you'd let me buy
you a new one.  Maybe you could keep it and keep things about our new life
here.  What would you think about that? It meant a lot to you before, and I
thought it might mean a lot for you again."

    Thomas looked out the window as they began entering the outskirts of
town, studying for a moment.  He finally shrugged his shoulders.  "Okay I
guess, but before I always had it because, I dunno Mom, I just was bored
and everything, I had no one to do stuff with or hang out or anything, but
now..."

    "Now it's different, I get that honey.  What you should also get though
is that you are a very gifted artist, and I think you should practice that
gift for yourself if for no one else.  It is a part of you, a talent that
would be wasted if you didn't."

    He studied it for a moment, then again shrugged his shoulder.  "I guess
so," he offered, though with no real conviction in his voice.

    She smiled over at him again.  "There IS another reason for this, too."
She went on to describe what she had in mind as a project for him to take
on.

    At first he laughed, and then whistled.  "You think I can do THAT?"

    "Yep, we just have to get you out of the house a while where you can
work without them knowing about it is all.  How long do you think it would
take?"

    "Umm, I dunno, three, four hours, maybe more," he replied.

    "I think we can do that, but we'll have to start right away."  They
pulled into the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart.  She glanced over to see
her son still calculating and pondering the idea.  "You know, Carolyn's
birthday is less than a month away, too.  You could give it to both of them
if you wanted to."

    Thomas returned the glance.  "Will you help me? I mean, you're the one
who taught me how to draw mostly."

    Linda grunted as hey pulled into an empty parking space.  "I don't know
about that, now.  I taught you some basic things maybe, but you developed a
lot of your skill on your own.  But yeah, I'll help you a little if you
need me to."

    The excitement built within him.  "Awesome, Mom! Let's go get our stuff
then!"

    Linda smiled as she saw the sudden energy he displayed.  Inwardly she
was happy for him, remembering the days when their conversations and moods
had been a lot more somber.  She exited the vehicle and followed him into
the shopping center.


(To be continued...)

---------------------------------

Comments to: EKidKy@hotmail.com
Other series by me:
   - Life's Road of Discoveries
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-Young Friends section, Early 2008)
   - Terry and Sam - Short Story, Holiday Christmas Collaboration w/Ruwen
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-No Sex section, Late 2008)