Date: Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:52:21 -0400
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Bully and the Bullied - Part 13

DISCLAIMER: If you shouldn't be reading this - then don't get caught!  This
is a short story involving boys who are coming-of-age and the things boys
get into, including sexual situations, confused feelings, etc.  It is my
first attempt at fiction, having written only one other series based on my
experiences growing up, titled "Life's Road of Discoveries" (also found on
Nifty in the [Young Friends] section, early 2008).

This series has no basis in truth, whereas all characters and situations
are fictional - any resemblance in real life is purely coincidental.  Based
on an era from the mid-1970', it will spread out over 12-14 chapters (Yeah,
I missed my original estimate of 9-10, as I have some more things that need
to happen before I conclude it.  :o)

It is my sincere hope that those of you who take to this and read it
through will enjoy it.  As always, any feedback is welcome (to
EKidKy@hotmail.com).


The Bully and the Bullied
Part Thirteen -- The Ties That Bind Us Together
----------------------------------------------

    "Hey man, hold up!"

    Austin had to hurry along the path to catch up to his friend, who was
walking ahead at a somewhat leisurely pace.  It was early in the evening
hours, and the sun was casting eerie shadows across the field.  The air,
still hot and muggy, created a mood that caused neither of them to hurry.
They had left the house some minutes before and traveled perhaps half the
distance toward the distant campsite before the older Mathews teen had
needed to take a quick pit-stop.  As they neared a set of thick underbrush
he nonchalantly stepped off to take care of business, oblivious to the
other teen.  At first Jeremy had followed until he realized what his friend
was going to do.  It was then he blushed, feeling awkward at the moment,
and muttering "Sorry" he backtracked a little and set off back down the
path.

    At the other boys beckon, Jeremy stopped and watched as Austin
approached.  The older of the Mathew's brothers, as of late, never ceased
to surprise him.  He had known the other boy for years, yet in a sense he
was still discovering much that had yet been revealed.  Jeremy's mood had
grown somber all afternoon, for no particular reason.  He was subject to
mood swings, as the others had come to discover, but never to any real
extreme.  Most of the "family" had learned to just let him have his space,
but it wasn't always the case.  This particular day, Austin would have
nothing of it, as he went out of his way to keep Jeremy's mind occupied and
active.  Austin knew the informal birthday party had been strange to his
friend, in more ways than one. Perhaps it wasn't unheard of, but he
imagined it may very well be the first of its kind Jeremy had ever
experienced.  Already used to watching for telltale signs with his brother,
he picked up on this and decided to "help" Jeremy in any way he could -
without making it too obvious of what he was doing.

    Jeremy knew, however.  It hadn't taken long for him to see through the
shell of the boy and be amazed at the amount of resolve he displayed.
After eating their cake and ice cream, the two of them took the time to
just hang out, going for a long walk and then coming back to play ball or
other things.  It had actually been quite fun for Jeremy, mostly because
here was someone closer to his own age, who understood things on a whole
different level.  This was a kid who had shared his past - really shared
it, really knew the dark places that he, Jeremy, had been.  Yet, his friend
was also pure, because the boy was changing just as much as he had changed,
and all in relatively the same amount of time.  When Jeremy's world had
shattered, so did Austin's in a similar fashion - although it took a little
time later before it went down.  They were both rising from some deep,
troubled memories - some of which still haunted Jeremy, enough so he
shivered.

    Jeremy liked the time they had spent that afternoon.  He didn't discard
Michael or Thomas's friendship in any way - they were cool "brothers" to
have, if he dared thought of them that way.  Having Austin though, to be
around gave Jeremy a different level of comfort that he couldn't experience
with the younger teens.  There was another reason, too: Austin Mathews had
stuck by him through thick and thin, from the beginning.  No other person
from the "gang" had even bothered to give him the time of day after the
incident so long ago, after he had started "changing".  They saw that there
were no more coat tails to ride, no more shoes to follow for the action.

    And they saw there was no more reason to be afraid.

    Jeremy shivered as the thought hit him about how much he had been like
his father.  His reign of terror was only a defense mechanism, something
that let him lash out and balance against what was being done to him at
home.  Jeremy had been helpless in the hands of his father, and as the
situation worsened over time, so did his manipulation of those around him.
Some he treated well enough, but there were some...  He shook his head a
little, trying to lose the memory and encourage it to leave, to be gone.

    "Hey, you okay there?"

    Jeremy smiled.  Of all the people he had lashed out at, and all the
people he had failed - here was the one who didn't disappear.  This was the
one who did not abandon him - despite everything.

    "Yeah, I'm good, you get finished back there?"

    Austin laughed.  "Sorry about that, had to get rid of some iced tea or
we might have been swimming in the tent tonight!"

    "Eww, gross," Jeremy replied, wrinkling his nose, causing the other boy
to burst out laughing.  Jeremy listened to the laugh, joining him good
naturedly as they continued slowly along the path toward the stream.  As
they walked, however, the memory returned of that day - the one that had
ever so controlled and changed his life.  No one knew, insofar as he could
tell, what happened that night.  When he came to his senses, he knew while
staring down at Thomas's bloodied face he had lost control that he had
stepped over the bounds of anything he had yet done.  He had made life as
miserable as he could for some people, but never had he unleashed like he
did that day, in so short a time.  As the adrenalin seeped away, he knew it
was bad.  Not so much for the younger boy, but for what was to come for
himself.

    Sure enough, Stan had pulled up into the driveway and topped the bank,
and sure enough the old man had heard the bus approaching as he came out to
meet the driver.  The conversation was just as sane as any could have ever
seen - but one look at the old man's eyes - and Jeremy knew it was going to
be bad.  A cold, hard, calculated expression that betrayed nothing - but
Jeremy knew his father, and knew what to expect.  When the bus topped the
rise, pulling away and leaving him alone as he crossed the yard and headed
for towards the barn, fear actually struck him worse than it ever had
before.

    That night cost Jeremy unlike any night he had ever had to endure and
face before in his life.  The old man had been furious, already in a
half-drunken daze and enraged at having to deal with the little "shit" of
his life, as he called it.  When he dealt with the boy, the old man held
nothing back, taking the kid to within inches of his life it seemed.

    Ironically, as maddening as it had been, it did have one lasting effect
on Jeremy in a good way - he saw what he was to become.  He saw his father
losing what little grasp he had on reality, and it made Jeremy take a long
hard look at himself - realizing he was ultimately following in the old
man's footsteps.  Neglected, ignored, belittled and berated constantly by a
monster who surprisingly had such a hard, stone-cold grip on him - he was
revisiting his pain every time he lashed out at those younger and weaker
around him.  His father used him, abused him to no end to alleviate his own
pain - pain at losing his wife, and in dealing with life's fair injustices
- and Jeremy was doing the same.  That realization struck fear in Jeremy,
and made him realize he had to change.

    Change was hard, but it was something he forced upon himself despite of
the others surrounding him.  He left the weakened alone, trying to find a
balance between them and himself in such a way he could keep control
without losing his sanity.  It cost him - one by one his gang disappeared
and abandoned their prize entertainment.  At first it bothered Jeremy,
until he realized that they had not really been friends anyway, just
loafers tagging along.  That is, all of them except one - the one standing
before him now.

    "Okay you, spill it, what's going on in that head of yours?  You look
like you want to puke or something," the other boy chided, yet his tone
betrayed the patience he was exhibiting toward his friend.

    Jeremy laughed.  "What, you want to be my shrink or something?"

    Austin took a rapid step forward, coming up in front of his friend and
forcing them both to stop.  He shrugged his shoulders.  "No, I want to be
your friend."

    Jeremy thought about it for a few seconds.  "You are - you're the best
friend I have ever had, even though I don't deserve it."

    Austin's face took on a strange expression.  "What the hell does that
mean?  Don't deserve it?  Man, you deserve every friend you can get, you
know?"  He put a hand on the other boy's shoulder, standing at arm's
length.  "You don't decide who I pick for my friends, thank-you-very-much.
Right now, you're it - whether you like it or not.  You can always send me
packing, but I'm not going to leave you."

    Jeremy watched the other boy.  "You're right but..."  His thoughts were
troubled, but he took a deep breath and let his guard down for a moment.
"I just don't, like, want to be a pity case for anyone, you know?"

    "Crap man, don't you know me better than that by now?"  Austin shook
his head as he moved aside and put his arm around the other teen, drawing
him forward once again as they started down the bank.  "You're not my pity
case, but even if you were, what's the big deal?  We're here for you, just
like you've been there for me."

    "Huh?"

    Austin grinned.  "You heard me.  When all the creeps could have been
pounding away at me these last few years, you were always there with me,
keeping me safe in a way, I guess.  You watched out for me man, so let me
decide what you deserve or not, okay?"

    Jeremy was surprised.  "You serious? You're not shitting me, right?"

    They both stopped again, as Austin looked at his friend sheepishly.
"No shit man, I'm serious."

    The revelation almost floored Jeremy, so much so that he actually moved
over to the bank of the stream and sat down on a set of rocks there.
Austin, curious, followed and sat down close beside his friend.  A silence
fell between them as they looked out across the water bubbling underneath
them.  "Come on man," Austin finally broke the silence.  "What gives?  Talk
to me."

    Jeremy sighed.  "I don't know man, it's just - I never knew, I guess.
I've always wondered what you saw in me to hang out with me so much, you
know? And now, to hear that, I just..."

    "Wait a minute, I didn't use you man, if that's what you think."
Austin shook his head.  "I- Okay, I'll be honest, I don't know why I did
it, but at the time, we were new to the school, you know, Kev and me, and I
was already having to deal with some tough shit at home.  The day you and
me met, Dad had just busted my ass for something, and I didn't feel like
taking shit from anyone.  That's when those Lawson brothers decided to take
advantage of me, remember?"

    Jeremy smiled at the memory.  "Yeah, I do."

    "Well, I think I held my ground pretty good, don't you? I mean,
considering that big one, James, who was what, a senior?  He had to go
dicking around with everyone that day-"

    "Yeah I know, he came at me, too," Jeremy replied.  "Is that actually
when we first met?"  Jeremy tried his best to remember, but even now those
thoughts were a haze to him.

    "Yeah, that was the first time, we actually ganged up on them, you and
me both.  You don't remember?"

    Jeremy tried, but eventually hung his head.  "Sorry man, it's all like,
foggy or something..."

    "Tis okay, no sweat."  After a moment, he continued.  "So, how about
it, you wanna talk before we catch up to the crumb snatchers or ... ?"

    Jeremy laughed.  "You really DO want to be my shrink, don't you?"  He
waved off the protest he could see coming.  "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Don't
get your panties twisted up in your crotch!"  He looked out over the water
a moment, and then just shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't know Austin,
honest.  It's just - a lot of stuff - it's kind of new to me, you know?
I'm just afraid I'm going to mess it up some way, somehow, like it was at -
at -"

    Austin shook his head.  "Won't happen man, I promise."  Seeing the
other boy cast his eyes downward made him realize he had to push the point.
"Jermz, look at me."  When the other boy met his gaze, he took a deep
breath.  "Look, I don't know a lot about this stuff, but I do know about
stuff I feel, and man - I can never feel what you feel, after living
through what you did and everything, and trust me when I say I know that
much.  Still, I DO know how I might feel about some of it, and man -- it's
scary; and all I can think about sometimes is if it's scary for me, then it
must have been like hell for you."

    Jeremy stared back before whisper his assent.  "You have no idea..."

    "You're right, I really have no fucking idea, excuse the pun, but I'm
trying to be honest here man, and I figure this much: if I can be honest
with you, and you'll see in me that I care, that I really do care, about
YOU, maybe you'll be honest with me.  I don't care if we both sit here and
cry all night or whatever it takes, I just - I just -" He took another deep
breath and let it out slowly.  "I'm no shrink, I'm no expert with any of
this stuff, okay?  But I want to help, you know? I just want to, because
I..."

    Jeremy's eyes moistened at that revelation. "Because what, man?" he
whispered.

    Austin cleared his throat before casting his own eyes away for a brief
second.  "You're my best friend Jermz, hell... Because I care man, I care
about you, I..."  It was a long time before he could speak again.  "Do you
know how much I've kicked myself because of Kevin?  I'm the reason he got
messed up with the drugs man, I mean, if I hadn't treated him like shit and
everything, then maybe..."

    "That's not true.  Is that what YOU really believe?"  Jeremy laughed.
"You know something?  Maybe we're both pretty fucked up some."  When Austin
didn't reply, he continued.  "Your little brother got messed up because of
Tim Derrick and his brother."

    Austin's eyes went wide.  "What the fuck??!!"

    Jeremy nodded.  "You know how they can be, and they looked at Kevin and
saw someone they could manipulate, so..."

    Austin's blood began to boil.  "Those fuckers, I'm gonna kill them," he
muttered softly as he looked out across the water.

    Jeremy shook his head.  "You can't man."

    "Why not?"

    "They're in juvie up in O.C."

    "Oklahoma City?  What the hell...?"

    "They got caught - big time; they're both up the river for the time
being."  He looked at the incredulous look on his friends face.  "What?
You didn't really think I would keep quiet about it, did you?"

    "How... how did you know?  Why didn't you tell me?"

    Jeremy grunted.  "As to how I knew, don't ask, okay?  Maybe I can tell
you someday, but right now, let's just say I happen to watch Kev more
closely than you think, especially before that day in shop class.  As to
why - well, you didn't need to know - not really.  It could have been ugly
- they're part of a gang of people that, well, let's just say they're worse
on dweebs than you and I ever were put together.  You just needed them out
of the way, Aus, and I couldn't figure any way to do it without getting you
or your family tied up in a big mess.  And who knows, they could have
retaliated against you guys bad, and I couldn't live with that."

    "I don't understand, you're saying-" He thought about it for a moment.
"Jermz, tell me - HOW did they get caught?"

    It was Jeremy's turn to look sheepish, but he silently watched the
water flow by for a moment before replying.  "One day when the police were
trying to talk to me, I sort of gave them some of what I knew.  I mean,
someone had to do it Austin, you know?  I remember - I mean, I remember a
few nights in the hospital, hearing some screaming way off down the hall
going on, like in another wing or something.  I know, I was half dead, but
it was like I could hear it and... and... I didn't know it was Kevin at
first until one of the nurses told me later, and from then on I just - just
knew, you know?"  He shook his head.  "When that man came in, I told him
everything I knew about my old man, but then I also told him about some of
the stuff at school, what I knew about the brothers, and stuff.  He sort of
took it from there, I think."  His eyes were pleading as he observed the
other kid.  "You guys were going to have a hard enough time, and there was
only one way to make sure those assholes left you alone.  That's why I did
it man, I'm sorry, but..."

    "You did it?" Austin asked softly, already realizing the answer as
these words sunk in. "God man, you - you did it?  For us - all of us?"

    Jeremy shrugged his shoulders.  "Meh, not all of you - more for you and
Kev, man, but yeah."  He smiled at the other boy.  "I couldn't like, let
him go back to school without me around to help you, you know, watch out
for him, right?"

    "God Jermz," Austin replied, emotion thick in his voice.  "I don't know
what to say, you know?"

    "Then don't say anything man just - let it be.  I knew what I was
doing, and besides, it got the cops off your back, remember?"

    Austin thought back to the day when the doctor came through the door to
Kevin's room with the news he was going home.  he recalled that
conversation, and then suddenly realized the man was trying to tell them
something more.  It was then he knew the truth, and it was then he realized
he owed Jeremy far more than he had ever thought.  In an awkward show of
affection, he reached out and took Jeremy by the hand and squeezed it, his
voice almost uncontrollable as he spoke.  "Man, t-thanks, I o-owe you,
b-big."

    Jeremy looked at their clasped hands and, for an instant, thought about
pulling it away.  Hearing the voice and the genuine sincerity behind it
however caused him to hesitate and then squeeze the hand gently, returning
the expression ever present in the touch.  "Aww, does this mean you're
going to kiss me or something...?" he needled, trying to make light of the
matter.

    Austin also laughed.  "N-no, but... I'm serious man, you understand?  I
owe you, I owe you my life, and maybe even my brother's life-"

    "You don't owe me shit, Aus, and that's the truth."  He gazed into the
other boy's eyes.  "Well, maybe a little, like this-" He held the hand up
between them, firmly grasping it now.  "I know, it's girlish and gay-ish,
for the most part, but - you're my best friend too, and you guys have
already been preaching to me about trust and everything."  He smiled.  "I
trust you, you know?  I really do man, it's just hard sometimes to know or
understand what I'm feeling inside, because - well, because some of this is
just still new to me, that's all."

    Austin recomposed himself as he nodded.  "I know Jermz, I mean, I
understand that.  Some of it is new for me, too."  The quizzical expression
that met him made him laugh.  "Kevin and I haven't really been, how you
say, that close and shit, you know?"

    "Yeah, you two were a pain in the ass for each other, I know."

    Austin nodded.  "I do love him though, I mean, he's my brother and
everything..."  He paused before continuing in a softer tone.  "Jermz?"

    "Hmm?"

    "You are too, man.  You're like my brother, too."

    Jeremy giggled, then immediately regretted it when he saw the hurt
expression that met him.  "No, man, I mean - yeah, we are, we're like
brothers, I feel it too.  It's just - can you imagine how I feel cooped up
with Mike and Thomas in that house back there?  They're like my brothers,
too - it's just, I don't know, just weird sometimes."

    Austin laughed.  "I get that, yeah."  He looked thoughtful for a
moment.  "Jermz, we are.  All of us are.  All five of us - we're like, our
own little family and everything.  You know what I mean?

    Jeremy looked up at the sky and smiled.  "Yeah, I think I do."  He
grinned as he glanced between them.  "Umm, does that mean I have to love
you guys, too?"

    Austin didn't take the bait, however.  "I don't know about you man, but
I know I already do."

    Their eyes met, and Jeremy's expression softened.  With a shaky hand,
he slowly pulled his hand away and slipped it awkwardly around the other
teen.  Austin, realizing what was happening, didn't hesitate as they came
together in an embrace, each hugging the other.  They held each other for a
long time, neither saying anything as Jeremy pulled tighter and tighter,
enveloping the other boy with his arms.  For Austin, it was an emotional
moment.  The new revelations of the last few moments had been both earth
shattering and hopeful to him.  His eyes were moist as he held his friend
back just as tightly, relaxing in his embrace.

    It was several long moments before they started to part, and Austin -
with tears in his eyes, tried to wipe them away with the back of his hand.
"Any gay jokes about this and I'll kill you, man," he said smiling.

    Jeremy grunted before replying bashfully, "Not from me, not this time,"
he whispered.  "Thanks man, I really - I dunno, I really needed that."

    Austin whispered back, "I know."  He put his arm around the other boy's
shoulder, and there they sat watching the water flow by beneath them.
Eventually Jeremy returned the gesture, circling his arm around Austin's
waist.

    - + - + - + -

    "Hey, about time you two showed up!"  Kevin called out, spotting the
two as they approached the campsite.

    A small, roaring fire was going by the stream, where all three of the
younger friends sat around.  It was dusk now, and although the summertime
air was still hot and muggy, there was an unusual welcome feeling around
the fire.  As the older boys walked up, they noticed the others each had
sticks with hot dogs attached, warming and cooking them by hand in the
blaze.  Realizing for the first time their hunger, Austin and Jeremy both
immediately joined in, each preparing their own sticks and roasting their
dinner.

    The talk became lively for a while as they kidded about, hanging out
and eating their rations, along with roasted marshmallows and fruit that
they had brought along.  As the sun set off in the distance, they each
stretched out around the fire and told of stories they had heard, or
discussed things they had learned about other kids or teachers at school.
It was a totally relaxed evening, one which lasted hours, interspersed with
playing cards and the new board game Michael had received for his birthday.

    As the hours dragged on, the boys progressively got more tired, and
eventually Thomas headed for the tent after bidding the others good night.
It was several minutes later before Michael and Kevin finished, losing
their hands to the older boys.  Yawning, Michael stood up and declared he
was turning in as well, then slowly headed toward their tent.  Kevin had
turned to his brother for some reason or another, lagging behind when the
other entered the tent on his knees and paused for a bit to let his eyes
adjust to the darkness inside.  The light from the campfire had dimmed down
in the last hour, and as clouds had began moving in from the west, the sky
didn't provide the illumination as it had been.

    Eventually he could make out the figure of Thomas stretched out on top
of the covers, and noted the boy had on only his underwear.  The air had
cooled only a little in the last few hours, and thinking about the humidity
made him inwardly shrug his shoulders and then decide to do the same.
Stretching out beside his friend, Michael lay on his stomach in the roomy
tent, his arms folded underneath his chin, pulling the pillow up close.

    Both hearing and feeling the boy come close to him, Thomas grunted and
rolled to one side facing his friend.  For a few moments he observed
Michael, watching as the other boy just stared blankly without focusing on
anything.  Without a word, Thomas rolled again, closing the distance
between them, and slipped his arm around the other boy to hug him close.

    Neither said anything as Michael turned his back to his friend and
allowed himself to be held and cuddled.  They were still that way when
Kevin arrived, dropping to his knees and entering the tent in much the same
way as his predecessor.  He too had to allow his eyes to adjust, but as he
made out the other two and what they were doing, he grinned as he peeled
his shirt free from his upper torso.  "Cool!" he whispered, before settling
down onto the third pallet that had been fixed up.

    Michael and Kevin watched each other for a long time, Kevin unsure of
what, if anything, he should say or do.  The moment was awkward for him as
he saw the other two embraced, but not because of what it implied.  In a
sense, he felt alone and separated, and deep within there was an ache that
developed along with a certain sadness.

    Michael could see it, watching the other boy for some time.  "Kev?" he
finally whispered, breaking the silence enough that Thomas actually propped
his head up on one arm to listen to the exchange.

    "Yeah?"

    "I- I can't like... you know...  I know you wanted to, Thomas told me,
but..."

    Kevin did his best not to show his disappointment.  "It's okay Mike,
honest, I know."

    "You know what?"

    "I know you two are close, that's all man.  I'm kinda the kid in left
field and stuff."

    Michael shook his head.  "You are not in left field, man."  He returned
the smile that slowly crept over Kevin's face.  After a bit Michael sighed
and reached out to take the other boy's hand.  "I know you trust us, at
least, you know... but there is another side of trust, too.  Like, just
being with someone and stuff, you know?"  When the other boy nodded,
Michael pulled gently until Kevin scooted over next to him.  Stretching out
on his back, the smaller boy lay with his arms propped behind his head
while Michael draped an arm over the boy's belly, pulling him tight and
then lightly rubbing his chest.  It was the most intimate thing he had ever
done with anyone outside of Thomas, and it felt strange to him in a sense.
He thought for a moment before he continued.  "Kev, it's not that I don't
like you and stuff, it's just, being curious is one thing, but - the other
stuff..."

    Kevin watched them both for a moment in the darkness, able to just make
out the other's faces peering back at him.  As Thomas sat silently behind
his friend, Michael struggled to find the right words. Surprisingly, he
didn't feel as down as he was.  "It's okay man, I know, trust me - it's no
big deal."  He pulled one arm out from behind his head and took hold of the
hand that was caressing his chest.  "This means just as much to me as
anything, you guys just being willing to do this and not be afraid."  When
he said it, there was feeling in the response, which made Michael pull him
even tighter.  Although the air was heavy with humidity, none of the three
minded the close quarters.

    "Kev, we will hold you any time you want, honest.  I mean, I know how
it feels to have someone care about you and stuff.  Thomas does, too."
Kevin noted Thomas was nodding before he lay his chin on his friends
shoulder.  "And you've had it bad man, we know that, too."

    "But...?  I mean, I kinda hear like, there is something coming, so just
get it over with, okay?"

    Thomas filled in this time, "No man, you got it wrong, just listen..."

    Michael nodded.  "Yeah, don't get us wrong.  You want to mess around,
we might do it sometime, who knows, but tonight - not tonight, okay?
Honest, that's all.  Tonight I just want -" He stopped, getting that far
away look in his eyes again.  After the pause dragged on Thomas poked his
friends' belly button, causing him to giggle.  "Okay, okay!' Michael said
sheepishly.  "I just want to feel you; I just don't want to be alone."

    It was Thomas's turn to be confused.  "When are you ever alone, bro?"

    Michael sighed.  "With you guys? Never," he replied, and then turned to
Kevin.  "And I'm including you too, honest.  I just sometimes, I dunno, I
get scared and stuff.  Like this is all going to end or something."

    Kevin thought about that for a second. "I think I understand," he
replied. "You guys, you don't know what it's like, now that everyone you
meet on the street and in school stays away from me like I'm some kind of
plague or something.  You're the only ones who don't avoid me any, you
know?  And right now, I guess I get scared, too - like it's all some kind
of dream, and I'm going to wake up sometime and find out I'm living in some
kind of hell or something."

    Michael shook his head.  "You're not - you've already been through it -
this is your reality.  I don't know what you've lived through, I can't say
that because I've never done what you did - but I do know this Kev: no one
deserves to be alone, and right now, you're heart is as good as anyone else
as far as I'm concerned.  I mean, I feel it, right here and everything.
You're diff, I know, but that's not bad - it's a good thing."  He grabbed
Thomas's hand and pulled it over so that they both could grab onto Kevin's,
making a three-way grip.  "Listen to me - I swear, right now, on my
holy-anything-that-is-personal, my dick even if it will matter," he added,
smiling as the other two grinned but waited for him to continue.  "I swear
that I will never knowingly break us up, that you two will always be my
best friends, and that I will be there for you anytime I can - day or
night, no matter what.  I'll even swear it in blood if you want, I don't
care.  I love you guys, you know it - you're my best friends, even more."

    In the silence that followed, both boys considered Michael's words
carefully before Thomas added his own oath.  "And I swear the same, Kevin,
no matter what - if you need me for something, all you have to do is let me
know.  Dream or not, you won't be alone as long as I can help it.  Neither
one of you."

    Kevin nodded.  "I do too, guys, I promise no matter what."  With that
he moved upward and engulfed them both with a big hug, holding the three of
them together for a long time.  When he lay back, he grinned sheepishly,
"You can even circumcise me if I ever break my promise."

    This brought laughter from the other two, to which Michael replied,
"That's right, you two are alike, I'm the odd ball here!"  He took his hand
and without preamble, pulled up the band of Kevin's underwear and then let
it snap back into place on his belly.  "It's okay though, I like being the
oddball, I think."

    Kevin reached up and pinched the boy's nose.  "You're not an odd ball,"
he whispered as Thomas again reached from behind and hugged his friend.
"Definitely not," he added.

    Michael just lay there watching Kevin for a moment.  Although he could
not see the friend behind him, he knew he was there with just as much raw
support and love as had always been.  The little hugs, the intimate way
Thomas nuzzled his shoulder and the back of his neck, and just the sincere
interest he had taken in the exchange made him feel freer than he had been
when they started.  "You know, I dunno... If you want, maybe..."

    Kevin shook his head.  "No," he whispered as he found the arm and hand
again and gently squeezed it.  "Just hold me; I don't care about anything
else, honest.  Not tonight."

    Michael smiled before leaning in and nuzzling the boy on his neck for a
moment, then whispered in his ear.  "Okay."  he turned his head back to
Thomas and whispered something so low that Kevin could not make it out, but
within seconds he watched as the other boy crawled over the two of them and
lay on his other side.

    For the next hour or more, they each took turns spooning one another,
holding each other close until finally, with only a few hours before
daybreak, they drifted off into a contented sleep.

    - + - + - + -

    "Well, what do you think?"

    The question was voiced quietly, focused so that only Michael could
hear.  The five of them had split up into different groups to explore and
examine different parts of the house.  At the moment, Carolyn and Michael
were out on the back deck, overlooking a yard that backed up to a dense
line of trees.  Some yards away stood Mr. Mathews and his wife, who had
happened to tag along on this afternoon and meet the ladies more formally
than before.

    When Michael didn't reply, Carolyn sighed and looked across the
distance to where both Mathews stood.  They seemed like friendly enough
people to her, although she had to admit she knew very little about them.
It was no secret the family had been going through some rough times with
their youngest son in recent months, but then a funny thing had happened.
She was not the first to notice, as Linda had pointed out to her just the
night before, that once again Michael - and now Thomas - seemed to be
reaching out to someone in need.  She smiled at the thought.  Her son had a
very open personality, one which held great empathy for others.  In more
ways than she could count, she was quite proud of him - of who he was, and
of what he was becoming.  She only wished her husband had even a fraction
of the depth of commitment Michael had - and warmth.  She thought for those
2-1/2 years she had gotten to know the man well before she got pregnant.
How wrong she was - as soon as she had told him, it wasn't even a month
before she came home one night to find he had packed everything up and run
out on them.

    It used to bother her quite a bit, especially the fact that - after
Michael had been born - that he would grow up fatherless.  She had tried to
date a few times, but each time ended with someone stranger than before,
and some who had become abusive.  When Michael was struck with a bad
infection at age 2, however, she had buckled down to give him the
one-on-one care he had needed at such a tender age.  It was while she
nursed him back to health that she realized if he was to have any kind of a
future, there was only one person he would ever truly rely on - and that
was her.  With that conviction, she set out to finish her certifications
and before they knew it, their life together as a team had begun.

    A team - the thought stayed with her as she turned and observed her son
yet again.  That was what they were.  In all that they had been through
over the years, they had always made their decisions together, always
talked it out.  She came to rely on his intuition heavily - because
surprisingly, for his young age, Michael was extremely perceptive about
things, and especially people; he could foresee a great deal of character
in a person that others would easily overlook, and it had helped her more
than once in dealing with people she came into contact with everyday.  Even
at times when you would think something was over his head, he would
surprise her by just seeing the most obvious pieces of the puzzle.

    That was what she needed from him now.  She needed to know what he was
seeing, if anything; what he was feeling, if nothing else.  This was the
break they had been hoping for, but...  "Honey?"  He looked up into her
eyes, and she saw an uncertainty there.  Unlike the other, newer members of
their "family" who had found the place exciting almost as soon as they
stepped in the door, Michael hesitated.  She reached and took his hand,
pulling him over to a nearby picnic table, where they both sat down on the
bench facing each other.  "What is it kiddo?  What do you think?"

    Michael lowered his eyes towards the ground.  "I dunno Mom, I mean; I
guess it's alright..."

    "Okay, but...?  I do hear a but in there, right?" she asked.  When he
didn't answer she leaned toward him, gently cupping his cheek as she
continued speaking softly.  "What honey?  You know you can talk to me,
right?  I know you have your new friends and everything, but don't shut me
out kiddo, you're all I have."

    He looked up startled.  "I don't shut you out Mom, honest!  We, I
mean..."  He got choked up on the thought, and she could see by his
expression he was really worked up about something.  She scooted closer to
him, putting her arm around his shoulders.

    Carolyn thought about how he had come in from the campout this morning,
how he had looked different and preoccupied, more so than the other boys.
She had thought then it was probably because the boys had stayed up most of
the night and was just tired; now she feared it was more than that.  "Did
something happen last night honey?  Something not... right?"  There was an
edge in her voice as she looked across into the trees beyond the yard's
edge.

    Michael shook his head.  "No Mom, I promise, everything was great,
really."

    Sighing inwardly with relief, she kissed the top of his head.  "Then
what honey?  What is it?  Is it the house?"

    Again her son shook his head.  "No, not really...  Mom, I just - I
dunno, I guess I have to be honest about something."  He paused for a long
time, to which she recognized his need for thinking through what he wanted
to say.  She waited patiently, her arms wrapped around him, until he gave a
sigh and answered.  "I guess, it just seems like it's too good to be true,
you know?  I used to pray Mom, pray to have a friend, to have somebody I
wouldn't feel alone with anymore, you know?  And then, it seemed like
Thomas just dropped in from nowhere.  I mean, I knew him for a long time,
or knew of him anyway, but we never really connected or anything, and then
all of a sudden - boom, there we were."

    He turned to look up at her as he continued.  "Then there was his Mom,
and then Jeremy, and now Austin and Kevin.  It's like - we're getting this
big family together, this family of friends I guess, and we needed a bigger
place and now boom, here it is and, and..."  He looked at her helplessly.
"It's hard to explain, it's just something that's been growing on me for a
few days now, and I'm like, really scared sometimes it will, like go away
and..."

    Carolyn smiled at him.  "You're afraid the bubble is going to burst,
aren't you?"  When Michael slowly nodded, she laughed, surprising him a
little.  Running her fingers through his hair she leaned in and whispered
to him.  "I got some news for you kiddo - you're not the only one who has
that feeling, either."

    Surprised, he pulled back.  "No way!  You too?"

    Carolyn nodded.  "Yep!"

    Her son watched her in awe.  "Mom, how... I mean..."

    She shrugged her shoulders.  "I don't know, I think I'm kind of like
you.  Our lives used to be just you and me for a long time until last fall,
you know?  Before you and Thomas started watching football, it was always
quiet, even sort of getting boring at times, but then it all started
changing.  And now, here we are 8 to 9 months later, and this is what we're
faced with."  She smiled at him.  "But Mike, listen to me, I know how you
feel; it's like having butterflies in your belly, being nervous and excited
and anxious and unsure all rolled up into one - but honey, that's no reason
to be afraid.  I mean, okay, we've been thrown a few curve balls seems like
forever, but kiddo - tell me something: Do you like Thomas?"

    Michael leaned back a little more and hesitated before he replied,
speaking nervously.  "Mom, he's like my brother, I love him.  I mean it,
he's like me so much, and he likes the same stuff I do and, and..."

    Carolyn nodded.  "I know you do Mike, and I know he has a lot of
affection for you, too.  So you have a friend now, and eventually he and
his mother had a need.  At the time, we were the only people who could help
them through that, so in a way, fate or not, that's how it all worked out,
right?"  When he nodded, she continued.  "And so now, fate or not, you have
another friend who needed you just as much, although in a different way.
You wouldn't want Jeremy to have to live the rest of his life rejected and
in a place that would never really teach him anything about love, do you?
I mean, Linda and I have had this talk before - and she told me about
growing up in foster care and orphanages.  They just don't have people
there to provide the kind of emotional and physical support he needs right
now, you know?"

    Michael nodded.  "He's already lived most of his life alone and
abused."

    "Exactly, so fate threw that curve ball our way, too.  Have you
regretted it?  Has Thomas regretted it any?"  When he shook his head in
reply, she smiled at him again.  "See?  It's all good - I admit, things get
a little weird and funny sometimes, but they're still all good things.  You
know something? We both needed something to do in our lives kiddo, and I
guess this is what the Good Lord has given us to do.  He answered your
prayers and at the same time He gave us both people to care for and help,
hmm?  Even better, these people care about us in return, too -- so that's a
good thing isn't it?"

    Michael gazed out over the back yard and thought about that.  "But what
happens when - if it all goes away?"

    Carolyn scoffed.  "Do you really believe that will happen?"  She could
tell he didn't, but the question had a haunting reality for him she could
tell he was afraid of.  She pulled him back in for a motherly embrace,
speaking quietly all the while.  "I don't.  Michael listen, life is like a
road, a road of discovery.  You go down one highway just to turn onto
another one every once in a while.  You go around curves and seek out
places to go, destinations to find, people to greet and meet - and it never
really ends.  Sometimes they're coming from the other direction, sometimes
they're going the same way you're going.  Sometimes they speed on by and
don't notice, while others slow down, or wave and smile at you and take the
time to help and talk and who knows what else, you know?  Remember what
your grandfather used to tell you before he passed away?  There are only
two things in life you HAVE to do-"

    "You have to be born and you have to die," Michael replied quietly.

    "That's right honey, and everything in between is a choice.  Well, you
have a choice -- you decide which road to travel, which direction to go,
how fast or how slow you move along -- everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is
a choice.  Just remember though - it never ends, there is always some new
game lurking around the curve.  Sometimes it's a good game, sometimes it's
not.  Sometimes you'll meet someone on the wrong side of the road, and you
both have to either crash or swerve to keep your life on track.  In other
words, you have to just face it when it comes and then roll along and
figure it out as you go.  Honey, I don't know any better about the future
than you do - it's just the here and now I can deal with."  She hugged him
tightly.  "And this is the here and now for the moment - we, that's you and
me kiddo - we have a big family now, and it doesn't look like it's going to
get any smaller for a while.  It would be kind of cool, don't you think, to
maybe get a bigger place to stay, hmm?"

    Michael grinned at that as he returned the hug.  "Yeah, I guess you're
right."  Pulling back eventually, he looked deep into his mothers eyes.  "I
love you Mom; I don't know what I would do without you."

    Smiling, she took and held his chin.  "Oh I don't know about that.  You
might be sad for a little while, but I bet you would find your way just
fine.  I'm proud of you Michael, so very proud of you - don't ever forget
that.  I love you with all my heart honey."  She let go and glanced toward
the house.  "So tell me now, what did you really think?"

    Michael grinned widely.  "I think it's perfect, as long as we can get
some new carpet downstairs.  Those two rooms would make great bedrooms for
us boys and you and Linda could have the rooms upstairs."

    Carolyn nodded in agreement.  "That's what I was thinking, too."  She
studied him closely.  "Michael, before we get up, honey, I'm asking, one
more time - you okay kiddo?  Is there anything else you want to talk
about?"

    After only a brief hesitation, in reply he leaned in and kissed his
mother on the cheek before whispering in her ear.  "I swear to you Mom, on
my heart - I'm okay."  He looked at the Mathews still standing in the
distance.  "Let's go see if we can buy or rent or whatever it is we have to
do for this place."

    Carolyn smiled in return as her son pulled her to her feet.

(To be continued...)

---------------------------------

There is one more chapter to come, one more piece of the puzzle that has to
fall in place.  My characters, they're like my dream family I guess -
they're getting their lives back on track, in more ways than one.  Thanks
to all of you for your patience, I know these last few pieces are coming in
long gaps - this summer has just been too crazy for me.  But it's here, and
I will finish this - I promise.  To all of you, take care - until next
time.  :o)


Comments to: EKidKy@hotmail.com
Other series by me:
   - Life's Road of Discoveries
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-Young Friends section, Early 2008)
   - Terry and Sam - Short Story, Holiday Christmas Collaboration w/Ruwen
     (www.Nifty.org, Gay-No Sex section, Late 2008)